The art of dialogue: what to ask a guy in a correspondence?

We communicate on social networks more and more. This is great! We have enormous opportunities thanks to the Internet. It no longer surprises anyone that most couples are now formed through online correspondence. 8 out of 10 women who got married in recent years said that they met on the Internet. On social networks we can find men we would never meet in real life. By correspondence it is easy to make several acquaintances at once, and then weed out those who are not suitable for you personally. By meeting people online, you don’t have to waste time on boring dates with uninteresting people.

By asking the right questions to a guy or a man, you can not only interest him, but also understand whether you are comfortable with him, whether love is possible between you, whether he is ready for a serious relationship or not, whether he is a decent person and much more. Therefore, most girls and women ask the question: what can you ask a guy or man in a correspondence to maintain interest and get to know him as best as possible? We will talk about this in detail in our article and give you step-by-step recommendations for easy and confident communication.

Good manners: rules of communication by correspondence

Let's start with a situation where a man wrote first. For example, mutual friends told him about you, you met because of common interests, or he just saw your cute avatar.

You received a message “Hello” or a young man made a comment on your post. What's next?

Start a light conversation. The first thing a girl needs to remember is that she is one of the many men you will talk to online. Your response to his appeal does not oblige you to anything.

If you and your interlocutor are over 30 years old, then it is better to continue communication on “you”. After some time you will be able to switch to “you”, but not right away. If you are responding to a public comment, it is better to also respond to “you”.

You wrote “Hello” or replied to a comment. What should you talk about next with your guy if he wrote to you, for example, on VK? You shouldn’t bombard your new acquaintance with questions like “What are you interested in?”, “Why are you writing to me?”, “What did you want?”, “Who are you?”, “Do we know each other?” Remember - this is an easy communication that you have the right to interrupt at any time. But you can create a “bridge” to further conversation.

Correspondence:

- Hello. - Hello! - What do you do? - I am drinking coffee. There is no sun, without coffee the battery is low. How are you feeling?

Comment under the photo:

- A nice place! - Absolutely a delight! Were here?

After this, a dialogue can begin. If it doesn’t start, don’t worry, you won’t even remember in 10 minutes.

If the conversation continues and you are interested in communicating further, then you should not chaotically jump from topic to topic, asking random questions.

It is better to develop the conversation consistently. There are several simple techniques for corresponding on VK with a guy or man:

Reception "Three pluses". You were asked a question. In your answer you write: emotion + condition + fact. For example: “Do you like coffee?” - “I can’t live without him. Especially on a day like today. Got wet in the rain." Or: “Do you like coffee?” - “Oh, I’m a coffee lover! Especially if the coffee is good. It’s a pity, I can’t find my favorite variety.” You demonstrate to the man your desire to continue communication, but do not overwhelm him with questions. But after a couple of phrases you can ask: “Do you like coffee or tea?”
Edge effect. A man tells you something. In response, you express your opinion + formulate a question from the last words of his statement.
- No, I don't like coffee. I prefer green tea.
Yes, I don’t worry, I just buy it in bags.
Well that's right! What good green tea bags can you recommend?

Using this technique, you will not think about what else you can talk about and what to ask the guy in correspondence.

Reception “Three “YES”. Look at the latest events or photos on the guy's or man's page. Start a conversation on facts that are already obvious to you. For example: “You have such a cool photo with kebab! It seems to me that it’s on an embankment somewhere.” - "Yes". - “There seemed to be a barbecue festival there?” - “Yes, this Sunday!” - “Was there a lot of people?” - "Yes".

The secret is that after answering positively 2-3 times, the guy relaxes, has a positive attitude and feels more confident in the conversation. It is often not so easy for men to maintain communication; women are more prone to the “conversational genre”. Sometimes you can help a guy a little to move forward in communication.

You don't need more than three yeses. Take a break. You have already “suggested” a topic to the man - what to talk about. If he is interested in the conversation, he will continue. Even if he is not a “master of communication,” you gave him a reason to send more photos or videos, to say something about the event. If not: you “clarified” what you “wanted” and left the conversation without losing your dignity.

What to write to a guy first: simple ways to impress

Now dip your pen into the inkwell and write. And although the banal “Hello, how are you,” uttered through the lips of a woman, loses its sophistication and acquires a fresh flirtatiousness, it’s worth using your brain to not just catch attention, but to make a lasting impression. This is easy to do with a compliment.

The Power of a Compliment

It’s quite strange that so few women use a simple way to win over any man on a dating site - give a compliment. The compliment should be light and relevant. Leave the eloquence of the times of the Egyptian pharaohs in the bins of your rich spiritual world. “Your eagle gaze pierced my trembling heart” - something like that will at best cause a smile, and sometimes it can even offend the interlocutor.

Men like it when their tribal advantages are emphasized - sexuality, strength, will: “I’ve never seen such expressive biceps!”, “Who gave you such an amazing smile?”, “I want to make sure that handsome guys are interesting conversationalists. Can you help?”, “I don’t know what is more in you - magnetism or romance, but you are definitely not like others.” Praise those virtues that exist in reality, and not ghostly. Talking to a slight guy about biceps is, to say the least, merciless.

Common denominator

You can approach from the other side. Like a springboard, start from common points. “Hello! I saw your photos from Tbilisi. I'm just planning to go there. I want to ask a few questions about the city and your impressions. Do you mind?”, “I also often visit this park, but I’ve never seen you. How could I miss it?”, “Is this luxurious Doberman yours? I always dreamed of having a dog. Is it true that Dobermans, contrary to popular belief about their aggressiveness, are friendly and peaceful?”

Life hack from a psychologist

To feel confident in any situation, not just on a dating site, adopt the following life hack. If you don’t know how to start or maintain a conversation, ask questions. Firstly, you will save your interlocutor from the headache of what to say so that the conversation flows like a babbling stream. Secondly, the question form of communication will emphasize your focus on him.

You are interested in a man: how to start a conversation on VK with a guy?

You can do it with confidence! For starters, it’s quite appropriate:

Comment on a post or photo on the wall + ask a question.
See what events he is subscribed to, ask about them.
Find “points of contact” (mutual friends, school, area, car brand, etc.) and about them.
See what videos he has saved, what playlists he has created. Ask a Question. For example: “Hello! I'm Olga. I saw you have a big Grishkovets playlist. Have you ever come across his recording with “Curler”? It seems to be called “You Are Here”. I just can’t find it.”

Never (!!!) make excuses for your address to a stranger or guy like “Sorry for writing...”, “I just wanted...”, “Can I ask?”

Social networks were actually invented for communication. By making your page and posts public, a person is ready to contact new people. If he doesn’t like something, he simply won’t answer, and you will go your separate ways in the sea of the Internet, without wasting time on each other.

If the guy answered your request, then express a positive emotion and make the following “bridge”:

Hello. Yes, Grishkovets has this. It just seems like “I’m here” or “Who’s here.”
Oh great, exactly, I found it! I like him. I'm looking for what else I can listen to from him.

Although there are many options, it is better to stick to topics that you are knowledgeable about. Don't take credit for knowing something you don't know anything about. As communication develops, sooner or later you will reveal your ignorance. If you don’t have anything in common yet, but would like to get to know each other, refer to a friend, relative, etc. In the example above: “I want to please my sister, collect her a large playlist of Grishkovets’ recordings” (and then everything is the same, but about “sister”).

Sincere interest is always attractive! The best thing you can talk about with a guy or a man by correspondence at the very beginning is something that is at least a little interesting to you.

But when you are already in a long-term correspondence, you need to smoothly move on to what he is interested in in life.

The first phrases that will not leave a guy indifferent

The first phrases with which virtual communication begins play a huge role. It is at the very beginning, from the first words spoken to each other, that a real feeling can arise.

Here are a few examples that are good to get you started:

“I have long dreamed of meeting you.”
“I prefer guys like yours.”
“I recently broke up with my boyfriend and am now completely free.”
“I haven’t talked to anyone for a long time and now I’m ready to meet new people.”
"I have 2 movie tickets."
“I have free time in the evening, would you like to go for a walk?”

The first phrases should not be intrusive proposals for joint leisure, and you should not try to win the guy’s trust by telling your deepest secrets and intimate secrets.

If you want to interest a man, show interest in him

There is no better topic for conversation in correspondence than talking about the guy/man himself. Firstly, such a topic will be easiest for him to support. Secondly, he is pleased that the girl is interested in him. Thirdly, from his answers you will learn not only useful information about him, but also be able to understand what kind of person he is and whether he is right for you.

To prevent this from looking like a “Gestapo interrogation,” use the “Message + Question” technique:

My brother called, he's in the army. Have you already served?
The session starts next week. Are you studying or working?
There is nowhere to park at all. Do you drive?
The break is over, it's time to go. Do you deal with this strictly at work?
I got wet all over. Is your commute close to work?
I lost my temper today because... Do you often lose your temper?
On Sunday I want to lie around for a bit in the morning. How do you usually spend your weekends?

Preparatory work: before you write

Before surfing the vastness of a dating site, check if everything is in order with your virtual face - a profile that, like the right dress, should emphasize your strengths and hide your flaws. We have already discussed in detail how to fill out a profile for a girl on a dating site in order to leave a clear, succinct and vivid impression of yourself. Read it.

She put herself in order - with the attention of a tracker, she studied the profile of the guy to whom she was about to write, with desperately sparkling eyes. You need to know the enemy by sight. Any profile on a dating site, except an empty one, provides a lot of useful information. In particular, it answers the question of what words to write to a guy first. Cling to the information kindly provided.

An account on social networks is a complete “dossier” and a source of topics for conversation

Don’t know what to ask a guy or a man in a correspondence? Explore his pages on social networks! From them you can always understand what a person is interested in, how he relaxes, what he does. A convenient scheme: if you see a “hook” on his page, “like” or comment, and then continue the topic in correspondence.

Photo of a guy with a car - like + comment “Cool! Are you buying or looking at it?” – answer “No, with a friend for: “Nice car. Do you like these?”

Ask about what you see on his page and in his news:

I saw a photo at the stadium. Who are you rooting for?
Listen, this group is about an English language school... Did you study there?
Your post is interesting... It touched a nerve! Do you think that...
Do you have a bike? Where do you race?
Are you fishing with friends? Can you brag about your catch?
Do you play sports? What club do you go to?
You have so many films in English. Do you know the language well?
I saw your photos from Spain. Do you travel often?

Question options

I bring to your attention examples of what you can ask a guy about when communicating on VK.

I have long dreamed of mastering cycling. Can you? Is it difficult?
Have you been to Europe?
I love rock. What kind of music do you prefer?
What attracts you most about basketball?
Tell us about your most unusual birthday gift.
How long have you been involved in sports running?
Do you like horror films?
Have you tried sushi?
I drink tea with milk. Which one do you prefer?
Which New Year is most etched in your memory? What exactly happened then?

Mutual friends are a great topic of conversation

The convenience of social networks is that we see a circle of mutual acquaintances and friends. Feel free to use this in correspondence!

Oleg is your friend. Somehow he disappeared completely. How long have you heard about him?
Do you remember Marina? She is the wife of your friend Pasha. I'm worried about them. Did you hear that they had an accident?
ABOUT! You have Yulka as a friend, and I went to school with her. Where did you meet her?
You studied law at the university, didn't you? Do you meet with your classmates?
Do you work at UEMZ? I have a friend there who is a secretary, Svetlana. Do you know each other?
You and I have the Petrovs as mutual friends. I heard they wanted to move?
My children at school 16 studied with Svetlana Igorevna. And your?

Mutual friends and acquaintances are a great topic that you can always talk about with a guy or a man by correspondence. Discuss your friends' news, show concern if they have any problems, say hello, ask for a mutual friend's phone number if you have lost it.

Type, physique

Don't try to exaggerate your physical parameters. If you are 165 cm tall, then it is best to write like that - believe me, there are a huge number of short girls in the world who will happily want to date you. And a girl who is a head taller than you, even if she is a model, will most likely immediately feel awkward if you “shrink” at your first meeting in real life.

Overly athletic and overly exaggerated data about your strength will also not play into your hands. There is no need to write about yourself that you have a “black belt” in karate if you don’t have one.

It’s better to give your person a minimum of objective attention and give your description listing your main advantages, and simply ignore the disadvantages (if any) without focusing on them. We are all not perfect and there is no need to concentrate on your big nose or protruding ears!

Conversation in pictures: you don’t have to just write

Social networks and instant messengers are good because you can maintain communication there not only by correspondence. Share pictures and funny posts, music, videos, send emoticons! All this can and should be sent to a guy or man.

You solve three problems at once:

remind yourself gracefully (if he doesn’t want to communicate, he won’t answer, you’re not offended, you “just” threw a funny photo!);
evoke an emotion that can greatly bring you closer together;
suggest a topic for conversation. Sometimes one such message can start a very long correspondence.

What questions can you ask a man by correspondence, sending him something interesting:

Basta's new video is cool. How do you feel about rap?
(Funny picture) I laughed! Great, right?
(Cup of coffee emoji in the middle of the day) Is it time to take a break?
I watched a new film yesterday. You've seen?
I love this group. Their concert is coming soon.
I read the book. It’s interesting, but it seems that I didn’t understand everything about it. Have you read?
(funny song or gif) Already awake? Have a great mood today!

Of course, you shouldn’t get carried away with “girly” pictures: not every man will be happy to receive cute cats or a review of skirt styles this season.

If you are still very young and find it difficult to understand what you can ask a boy in correspondence, then pictures and videos are a very convenient way to maintain communication. A couple of words are enough: “I liked it!”, “Funny, isn’t it?”, “Look what you saw!” and emoticons.

What next: how to keep his attention and interest

In principle, to attract the attention of a guy on a dating site, you don’t need much intelligence. Pleasant appearance and unobtrusive initiative are enough. But to prevent interest from evaporating at the speed of boiling water, maintain the right degree.

Do not expose the urgent need for communication and anxiety about its absence. “Where did you go”, “Why don’t you write”, “I’m waiting for your answer” - phrases for defeat.
Talk mostly about him - everyone likes to be talked about. Speak, but don't talk. Don't pretend to be a Real Madrid fan if you don't know what a penalty is.
A good tip is to ask for help. Men like women who ask for help. This makes them feel courageous and smart, that is, they feel superior. “I’m choosing a lawn mower for my father’s birthday – do you think Makita or Husqvarna is better?” “I got (game name) as a gift, but I can’t get past level seven! You are a cool gamer. Help me out!” (if he is a cool gamer).

Remember that communication for the sake of communication has no practical meaning if the purpose of your stay on dating sites is not to stretch your fingers. As soon as you are convinced of the adequacy and safety of your partner, go real. Everything interesting happens there.

News and events are a great topic for conversation

Everything that happens in the world can be a “starting point” for your conversation in correspondence.

You can discuss news, past or upcoming events, messages about a famous person, interesting events, fun facts.

To keep the conversation going, you can throw in questions:

I heard on the radio about... Do you think it's true?
Today everyone is discussing... Do you think it’s worth going?
Now I found out about... I haven’t heard: what’s the response?
There is so much noise around this event. Why?
They say about him that... I would never have thought that about him! And you?
I heard about this event by chance. But I can't find the information. Have you heard anything about this?
No one you know was there?
I came across an interesting article. What do you think?

Basic recommendations

To prevent the young man you like from becoming self-absorbed when communicating, you need to:

Be proactive.
Listen.
Ask the right questions.
Show interest in the conversation.
Choose 1 topic for conversation.

By adhering to these simple rules, a girl of any age can win the attention of a man.

Rules for correspondence with a man on social networks

In any communication there are norms of etiquette that should not be violated. In correspondence, avoid the following:

At the beginning of communication, it is better to exclude inappropriate jokes, especially black humor. You don’t know the person yet, you can accidentally hit his “pain point” or cause hostility. If you have been communicating for a long time and know that this is your common style, then go ahead.
The next thing you shouldn’t chat about with a guy on VK or another messenger are topics that men consider personal. The stronger sex may not talk about such topics at all or discuss them only with very close people. A guy may be sensitive to questions about the amount of his income, the reasons why he hasn’t achieved anything in life (didn’t graduate from college, doesn’t have friends, doesn’t communicate with his parents, didn’t serve in the army, and so on). Of course, the information is valuable for you, it goes into the “piggy bank” of your opinion about a man. But in the correspondence, having learned about this, the question “Why?” It's not worth asking.
Try to exclude vulgarity and “below the belt” topics. Moreover, just as you yourself do not stoop to such a level, do not support it if suddenly such a topic “slipped” into your interlocutor’s mind. When communicating with loved ones, we can be more “cheeky”, but by allowing such topics with a new acquaintance, we give him a reason for a disrespectful, incorrect attitude towards us. There are so many interesting topics that you can ask a guy about on VK or another social network that there is absolutely no need to attract his attention with vulgar posts, photos and messages.
Don't make offensive comments. None! Neither about you, nor to your interlocutor, nor about anyone else. Today you will say that someone is a “freak”, for example. Tomorrow this word will arrive at your address. And because it’s possible to talk to you like that, you yourself allowed it!
Naturally, it is better not to use obscene language either. If a boy, a young man, or a man uses swear words in correspondence, this is already a reason to think about ending contact!
Learn to differentiate between flirting and indecency. Flirting is an easy game, a half-hint, coquetry, a little “warming up” of interest. It differs from obscenity in that there is nothing definite, concrete in it that a man could take for obscene behavior or an overt appeal.

Remember that correspondence is the same conversation between a man and a woman. Only it is conducted by slightly different means on the Internet.

Therefore, in social networks and instant messengers you should adhere to the same rules of etiquette and standards of behavior that are mandatory in everyday life.

What to tell about yourself to interest your interlocutor

In an effort to please your interlocutor, do not forget about yourself: your communication should not be limited only to his person.

In order to present yourself favorably, you need to know a few rules:

When you first talk, don't say too much: your name and age will be enough for the first conversation. Moreover, do not immediately disclose your place of residence, do not lay out all your problems and do not complain about life.
Promote topics that interest you; the interlocutor should not feel like he’s under a microscope when communicating with you, so there should be an exchange of interests on both his and your part. Tell us about your hobbies, where you like to spend your free time, what your thoughts are occupied with in your free time.
Don't insist on your own if your interests diverge. You shouldn’t convince a guy that he must read all of Jane Austen’s novels; leave this topic and find a hobby in which your views converge.

When talking about yourself, keep it light and unobtrusive. Don't go into a cumbersome retelling of your entire life, from diapers to the present. Pay attention to your positive qualities, then your interlocutor will want to continue communication.

Relationship

If there is a spark between you and there is a possibility that you will start a relationship, then you can ask the guy the following questions and additionally “test the waters”:

If I had to move to another city or region, would you go with me?
What do you like most about me?
What do you think the ideal date should be like?
What are the key components of a harmonious relationship?
What action will you never forgive your significant other?
Do you think a woman should have a career or devote herself to her family?
Is it permissible for parents to interfere in the life of a young couple?
What should a girl do if her boyfriend is in a very bad mood?
Are you ready to sacrifice something for your beloved?
What makes a girl beautiful and attractive in your eyes?

Modern technologies

It is difficult to imagine a person who would not enjoy the benefits of civilization. Many guys are sincerely interested in computer equipment, video games, various gadgets and other devices that make life more convenient and interesting. The guy will be delighted if the girl is also “in the know” and can discuss his favorite game with him.

If you don’t know anything about games and computers, then first read about his favorite game or watch a video. This will help maintain the theme and not look stupid.

Attention! Many girls use a trick and simply ask a guy for advice about a malfunctioning phone or a freezing computer.