Respect is determined by a person’s behavior, manners, and ability to dress. The foundations of education are laid in childhood. Parents and people around them act as a model of behavior from which the child reads data and applies it in adulthood. A well-mannered person is distinguished by his adequacy and treats people with respect. Rules of behavior change under the influence of such factors: place of residence, status and religion of a person. Recently, publications have been published proving the influence of heredity on personality manners. What is education? Is this an innate or acquired quality?
What is good manners?
An educated person treats people with respect, regardless of the circumstances. At the same time, different requirements are placed on children and adults. It is enough for children to obey their parents and follow the rules established in the family. The respectfulness of an adult is manifested in following good manners and maintaining the norms of behavior accepted in a particular environment.
A well-educated person, being in society, takes into account what customs are inherited in the country or family. For example, in the East it is customary to pour an incomplete cup of tea to dear guests. By refilling the glass, the owners of the house once again show attention.
An adult has to maintain the level of education, since the world around does not stand still. Cultural trends and political views are changing. The foundations of manners are laid by parents, then a person educates himself.
A cultured person stands out through his gestures, facial expressions, and speech. During a conversation, a well-mannered person does not wave his arms, pronounces words in a calm tone, and does not grimace. Such a person reacts to the opinions of others, does not slander behind one’s back, and says sharp and caustic things. A person with impeccable manners is called diplomatic, tactful, polite.
What kind of educated person is he?
Standards of behavior are created by people. Therefore, there is disagreement in defining a respectful person. Such disputes are easy to resolve. Ask the people around you why they consider you a well-mannered person. We list the criteria that are recognized by society:
- Charm and pleasant communication. A well-mannered person radiates goodwill, speaks competently, and does not resort to a raised tone. People are drawn to such a person and surround him with attention.
- Intelligence. For many, this is synonymous with a cultural personality. An intelligent person is reserved, taciturn, and has self-esteem. Doesn't get out of balance, no matter what happens around you.
- Tactfulness and delicacy. A well-mannered person would rather remain silent than express an opinion that will offend his interlocutor. In conversation he does not use swear words and does not touch upon topics that are unpleasant to others.
- Respect. Not ostentatious quality and playing in public are noted. A well-mannered person will treat a stranger or a loved one with equal respect.
It is common to consider well-mannered people to be modest, quiet, downtrodden and without their own opinions. In fact, such a person is confident and self-sufficient, he does not need to prove anything to others.
Factors influencing good manners
Raising a child is not only about instilling kindness and good skills. Adults face betrayal, anger, and hatred in life. Therefore, it is important to take off your child’s rose-colored glasses in time. Tell your children instructive stories, analyze examples from life.
Since the skill is laid down from an early age, a person’s behavior and character are influenced by parents. What other factors influence education?
- Family relationships. A child in the womb reacts to light, sounds, and voices. Therefore, proper family relationships should be built not from the day the baby is born, but from the day of conception. Banal conflicts lead to serious quarrels. Adults are not ready to give in, they look for the extreme or the guilty. Make it a point to talk through scandals and admit when you're wrong. Show your child that love and understanding reign in your family. To help children learn to respect other people, consider their opinions and allow them to engage in debates. Let him learn to defend his point of view tactfully and reasonedly, and not with shouting and hysterics.
It is better to show by example once how a well-mannered person behaves than to explain the rules of behavior a hundred times.
- Environment. The mother or grandmother takes a greater part in raising the child. Cones fall on them if the child stumbles. The ideal parenting scheme is equal participation of mom and dad. But, in addition to communicating with parents, the child attends kindergarten, school, and clubs. Children watch TV, play computer games, read books. Education is formed under the influence of information received by the child outside the home. At the same time, in adolescence, outside opinions are valued more than the notations of relatives. In order not to lose your authority, take an interest in your child’s affairs, pay attention to him every day, analyzing together how the day went.
Do you want to grow a well-mannered personality? Forget about using force, do not reprimand the child in the presence of strangers. Let your children know every day that he is important to you. By instilling rules of behavior in a child, adults maintain their level of respect.
Good manners criteria
Individuals become individuals in the course of socialization, which consists in the assimilation of behavioral norms, knowledge, and social experience necessary for life in sociocultural communities. At the same time, socialization combines spontaneous, spontaneous, and socially controlled influences on people’s behavioral patterns and their consciousness.
Education is an activity that includes the transmission of socio-historical skills to a new generation, the purposeful formation of attitudes, moral beliefs, value norms, directions that provide the conditions necessary for the formation and active development of an individual in society.
Education ensures interconnection and continuity between generations. It is he who plays the key role in the individual moral development and mental and physical maturation of a person.
The criteria and indicators of personality upbringing are developed theoretical measures of the degree of formation of various personal qualities.
The criteria under consideration are conventionally divided into soft and hard. The latter include significant statistical data that characterize in a complex the general orientation of the upbringing of teenagers: the number of crimes and focus on their prevention, the number of young people paying for crimes committed, the number of dissolutions of Hymen’s bonds and broken families, the growth rate of drunkenness, smoking, drug addiction, prostitution among teenagers To characterize education in an educational environment, soft criteria are more often used to help teachers gain a general understanding of the passage and results of the educational process.
There are also two subgroups of criteria: substantive, due to the selection of measures corresponding to the analyzed quality, and evaluative, consisting in the ability to partially accurately record the intensity of expression of the diagnosed quality.
In addition, there are general criteria that determine the final results of the achieved degree of education of an individual or group, and specific criteria that serve to analyze preliminary results due to the development of individual qualities.
According to the method of focus and place of use, the criteria are divided into: those caused by external manifestations of the fruits of education - judgments, actions, assessments, personal actions, and those caused by phenomena hidden from the educator - beliefs, motives, goals, orientations.
The key criteria of the concept under consideration include:
– a high degree of moral and spiritual formation of the individual, knowledge of ethical principles;
– attitudes, value guidelines and behavioral patterns corresponding to them, the ability to compare one’s own actions with the standards of ethical standards;
moral responsibility for one’s own behavioral model;
– the humanistic aspiration of the individual, revealed in the invariable prevalence of motives for socially useful types of life activity over egoistic guidelines;
– self-control, managing one’s own behavioral patterns, adequate emotional response;
– self-control and the ability to overcome unwanted behavior;
– self-realization and tendency to self-education.
Good manners: an innate or acquired quality?
Previously, it was believed that if you surround a child with well-mannered people, then an angel will grow out of him. Research by scientists has proven the opposite. Education is influenced by parental efforts and genes. Physical abilities and health also contribute. It is not without reason that married couples who decide to adopt a child carefully study who the child was born to.
Scientists have proven that heredity influences a person’s upbringing. If identical twins are separated in infancy and given to different families, they will still have the same personality traits.
On the other hand, the rules of behavior laid down in the family influence a person. Communication problems, aggressiveness, non-standard actions are the consequences of upbringing. Callous parents raise aggressive teenagers. An unstable family situation leads to problems in adult life. Scientists have identified factors influencing poor upbringing: poverty, domestic violence, poor quality nutrition, bad habits among parents. It is possible to stop the destructive impact if you involve outside help. Participation of social services, completion of rehabilitation programs.
Whose side is the truth on? Is good manners an innate or acquired quality? In fact, the situation cannot be viewed one-sidedly. A person is born with a set of genes that influence character. At the same time, being in society, succumbing to the influence of others, the personality changes and builds a line of behavior. A person’s manners are formed in equal parts under the influence of:
- Hereditary factors. Includes the infant's character, vulnerability, and physical condition.
- Education. It is formed as a result of the attitude of parents and others towards the child, the presence of stressful situations and aggravating circumstances.
A person's personality is formed as a result of the interaction of heredity and upbringing. These two factors complement each other, connecting at certain stages of life. In the first three years, genes and biological data dominate. Then they weaken, and the baby’s environment joins in. During this period, genetic vulnerability manifests itself. Constant stress and depression change a person, affect respect and disrupt brain function. Scientists have proven that proper education can defeat genetic diseases.
Education as the goal and result of education
Let's start with the characteristics of the concept of "good manners", i.e. with what we want to get in the end and what we should focus on at the beginning of organizing targeted education. As experience shows, in each individual case, a family, a school, an out-of-school institution, or a children's organization strive to not only educate children, i.e. to give them this or that education, but also to educate them to one degree or another.
The question naturally arises: what are the main parameters of what we call good manners? There are different ways to answer this. Parents, teachers, and scientists working in this field answer it differently: there are practically no identical answers. Yes, perhaps it is not needed - this single standard set of those properties and qualities to the formation of which the efforts of the family and various educational and educational institutions should be directed. Of course, there were and are different “sets” of such “properties and qualities”, taking into account the characteristics of the population of children and adolescents, the tasks in the field of education that the school faces as an educational and training institution. We assumed that there should be such parameters of education, focusing on which each modern school could build its own model of an educational school. The main parameters of a child’s personal development in the field of education, in our opinion, are: his orientation towards universal human values, humanism, intelligence, responsibility, creativity, self-esteem, independence in judgments and actions, “self-construction”.
Why exactly these possible properties of a developing person should be considered a priority in the field of education in our time? Why are they called upon to play the role of the main indicators of his upbringing? Some clarification is required here.
Universal human values are, apparently, what all schoolchildren should be oriented towards from a very early age, regardless of their nationality, attitudes in the family, in the companies that unite them, regardless of their religion. A child is, first of all, an inhabitant of planet Earth, going out into outer space more and more consciously. He is a man of the world community, a citizen of his country, a student of his school, a member of his family and a future family man himself. Because of this, universal human values are what he should be introduced to from childhood.
A system of those universal human values to which schoolchildren should be oriented has been developed in pedagogy (V. A. Karakovsky). The degree to which schoolchildren master them is, in our opinion, the most important indicator of their education.
The most important indicator of a child’s upbringing is his humanism, kind attitude towards his peers, children, school staff, and the wildlife that surrounds him. Some (but not all) children are naturally (or due to home upbringing) humanistic. They are ready to share with their peers, console a crying baby, help carry notebooks to the teacher, or help the school nanny. They are not capable of offending a dog, breaking a branch, or trampling on flowers. Some yes, but not all. In order for humanism to become an indicator of good manners for all (or at least the majority) of children, it is necessary to purposefully instill it and develop it as a personality trait.
The most important indicator of a person’s upbringing (and especially in modern conditions) is his intelligence, considered as a person’s personal property. Intellectuals are not born, they become under the influence of family, loved ones, school teachers, older friends, in the process of communicating with them and a soft, non-intrusive influence on their judgments and behavior. Intelligence is expressed in a respectful attitude towards people encountered on their way, in the manner of conversation, in the ability to listen to the interlocutor, in the absence of importunity in communication, in the desire to understand another, to sympathize with him.
The next particularly significant personality trait of a child is his creativity. While developing in a child such qualities as diligence and responsibility for the assigned task, we must not forget that a child, like any person, is not a robot, not an automaton, not only an executor of the will of adults, but also a dreamer, a creator, a creator of new things. (even if at first only for yourself and your loved ones). For different children, their creativity manifests itself in different ways, and primarily in the process of realizing their fantasies. Sometimes these attempts are successful, then the child feels like a creator. Sometimes - no, then he tries himself in something else and tries to achieve success in this other, introducing something of his own, new into it. This creative principle in a child must be guessed and helped to develop in himself, because it can introduce him to the world of his future profession, or it can become his life hobby. It is important to develop the creative principles that are genetically inherent in every normal child. Children are very different: one writes poetry from childhood, tells fairy tales he has composed; another gets to the inner essence of his toys; the third is looking for his own original ways to solve the problem assigned to the class; the fourth gathers the kids around him and selflessly entertains them.
Among the main properties of a developing personality should be the properties of independence, freedom of judgment, opinions, and freedom of action. By nature, from the first steps of life, a child is inclined to such independence and tries to assert himself, his independence among other people (and not only his peers). But by instilling in him over time such a trait as obedience, we often deprive him of independence, freedom, and deprive him of his “self.” An independent child, free from countless prohibitions, should not at all turn into a disobedient child, free from any prohibitions and rules of human society. “Freedom must be (to repeat the common formula) within the limits of what is permitted.” She must act in tandem with responsibility, but not only for herself and her actions, but also with responsibility for the team, her school, her small homeland.
Responsibility as a personality trait is also an indicator of good manners, especially in combination with freedom. A person must be responsible for his words, for his actions, for the assigned work, for everything that depends on him. But people are not born with a sense of responsibility. It is specially formed from childhood, through familiarizing the child with his responsibilities, through analysis of relevant situations in the lives of other people, inclusion in activities as a responsible person for one or another part of it, through analysis and assessment of the personal results he has achieved in the general endeavor.
The last characteristic of a developing personality, an indicator of its upbringing, is its “self-construction,” including self-knowledge, self-esteem, self-design and self-realization.
Actually, when we characterize a child’s personality as a subject of education, we mean his functions not only in relation to others, but also to himself. After all, it is possible (and necessary) to become an individual and develop as an individual not only under the influence of other people (parents, teachers, peers) or under the influence of external influences, but also as a result of one’s own purposeful efforts associated with self-knowledge, with self-esteem based on such knowledge , based on the design of one’s education, oneself and one’s future, one’s own efforts to implement “self-projects,” i.e., self-realization.
We have given the characteristics of personal qualities, which, in our opinion, should form the basis of goal setting, the formation of which should be aimed at education as a purposeful process. These are the general contours of such a process, those properties on the formation and development of which education should be oriented.
At the same time, the question inevitably arises: why are there no qualities among these very important qualities for a person developing in modern conditions, for example, such as national self-awareness, entrepreneurship, concern for one’s neighbor, leadership qualities, etc. They are not there for the reason that, firstly, “you cannot embrace the immensity”, and secondly, some of those properties and qualities that are necessary for a modern person in his future adult life are irrational to cultivate from childhood. Thus, it is hardly advisable to cultivate entrepreneurial spirit in a person from childhood; it is hardly necessary to raise all children as future leaders. In this area, of course, “sets” of different variants of those very properties are possible, the formation and development of which should be oriented toward education. Nevertheless, this “set” must exist visibly or invisibly in the activities of each educational institution, in the consciousness and activities of each educator.
Purposeful upbringing, i.e. conscious management of the process of personality development through the special creation of favorable conditions for this, may not be carried out for one reason or another, and the individual may end up being educated at the expense of the family. But how can we educate an entire generation? This problem is especially relevant in our time: for not every family is a center of purposeful humanistic education, and the environment surrounding the school today is by no means always favorable for the personal development of the child. In such conditions, apparently, it is the school that is called upon to play a special role, and the school is not only teaching, but also educating. It can become educational, first of all, through the creation within its framework of a humanistic educational system[16].
ACCORDING TO THE ARTICLE:
SELIVANOVA N.
How to become an educated person?
Surveys have shown that the level of education is falling. Other behavior patterns contribute to this. If we go back to the recent past, we can see that representatives of the fairer sex were raised in institutions for noble maidens. In addition to education, girls were taught communication skills and decent manners. The gait was practiced, refined taste was instilled, and attention was paid to behavior. The boys strived to get into cadet schools, where, in addition to military wisdom, they learned responsibility, composure, and politeness. Today, government institutions assign a role to education, but not to upbringing. Giving all the cards into the hands of the parents. But not all adults are ready to raise a worthy unit of society.
How to become an educated person?
- Analyze your behavior. Think about which aspects or character traits you would like to improve. Then ask your friends to give you a description. Work on your negative and weak points.
- Respect others. Start by eliminating negative thoughts. Don't let yourself think badly about other people. Before you speak out or give advice, think about whether you would like to hear such words addressed to you.
- Communicate with people at ease. People perceive the inability to carry on a conversation as bad manners. After all, such a person remains silent or says nonsense. Tightness, timidity, and lack of self-confidence lead to the fact that a person is embarrassed to speak out. To avoid being branded as an ill-mannered person, learn to communicate with people.
- Find the ideal. At first, you will need a role model to form the basics. Look for a well-mannered person among your friends. A movie or book character will do. If there is no suitable example, then make new acquaintances, communicate with people more often, note what character traits you like, and learn from experience.
- Accept other people's opinions. Sharp jokes directed at a person, ridiculing behavior or clothing indicate a lack of upbringing. Each personality manifests itself in its own way and does not need to impose your opinion. You cannot make fun of people with physical or mental disabilities.
Education is formed as a result of heredity and the contribution of parents and the public. A person can improve this skill by working on himself. The level of good manners manifests itself in non-standard situations. If the behavior is superficial, then under stress the person will break down and show true emotions. Good breeding, given by nature and acquired over the course of life, attracts people with manners, sophistication, and a person’s ability to communicate and look dignified.
Well mannered
Good breeding is the ability to realize in interpersonal relationships one’s best personality traits, high internal culture and skills in observing the rules of behavior and communication accepted in a given society.
The great thinker Plato rightly emphasized habits in his definition of education. Habit is second nature, once it is sown, you will eventually reap the development of the corresponding personality quality. A bouquet of carefully cultivated virtues, along with learned rules of behavior in society, makes a person well-mannered. A complete egoist, with all his education, will never end up in the gallery of adherents of good manners. Thinking only about himself, his interests, desires and needs, he is not able to show good manners towards others. His desire to “pull the blanket over himself” is met with protest from the outside world, which means that conflict situations, scandals, outrages and accusations are inevitable. He who does not respect others will be disrespected himself. An egoist is not able to listen to anyone; he himself wants to talk. This means that he will interrupt, finish speaking for the interlocutor, and demonstrate with gestures no respect for the person speaking. In a word, anyone who encountered him would mentally note his bad manners, even if he were an honorary academician of all the academies of the world.
Good breeding is not training on how to behave correctly in society; it is not just good manners. You can train and socialize a dog. A bastard can be pumped up with knowledge and taught the rules of etiquette, but this will not stop him from thinking only about himself. A well-mannered person respects other people, thinks not only about his own desires, but also the intentions of those around him. Good manners live in harmony with the outside world. And what kind of harmony with other people can an erudite brawler, an educated hypocrite and hypocrite, a well-read swindler, or an insidious and treacherous admirer of etiquette talk about?
Good manners sees in another person the whole Universe, uniqueness and originality. Respecting the spiritual essence of a person, she takes into account the unique thinking of another person, the peculiarities of his memory, interests, sympathies, affections, peculiarities of mood and needs. Yevgeny Yevtushenko wrote: “There are no uninteresting people in the world. Their destinies are like the stories of planets: Each one has everything special, its own, And there are no planets similar to it.”
A well-mannered person is a subtle psychologist, an expert in human hearts. He knows how to sincerely respond to people's feelings and experiences. “It also happens,” writes the writer S. Shurtakov, “whether on the road or in a distant village you meet a new person, an stranger; a person will catch your eye: he’s handsome, he’s interesting to talk to, he’s smart, and in general, as they used to say in the old days, he’s got everything in him. However, you talked with your new acquaintance, got to know him better, shook his hand in farewell and said “goodbye,” but you just feel, you understand: even if this date doesn’t happen, you won’t be very upset, you won’t be sad. The person remained in your eyes, but not in your heart, nothing touched him, nothing from all the interesting conversations resonated in him.”
Good manners are personal virtues related to etiquette. What's inside is also outside. Good breeding comes from within, as a manifestation of the best that is in a person. But a person’s virtues will be naked if they are not dressed in the attire of politeness, tact, courtesy and respect. In the process of education, and this process is lifelong, they get so used to each other that they no longer imagine a separate existence.
Good manners does not give someone or something special, excessive significance, so it is not burdened by the idealization of authorities, relationships, money, social status and reputation. Without disturbing others, she herself does not become the center of attention for conflict situations. A well-mannered person shows sincere attention to other people and the basis of this attention is deep respect for the other person. “It seems to me,” recalled People’s Artist of the USSR S. Giatsintova, “that the artist of the Art Theater Vasily Ivanovich Kachalov is the standard of such qualities. He walked along the street - and you’ll admire him. Both modestly and festively... He certainly remembered all the names and patronymics of the people he met. He organically respected people and was always interested in them. With him, every woman felt attractive, a gentle creature, worthy of care. The men felt smart and very much needed by Kachalov at the moment. Vasily Ivanovich seemed to “absorb into himself other people’s lives, faces, characters, and he was among people like a holiday, like human beauty and nobility.”
Good manners presupposes commitment, punctuality and goodwill. It is impossible to imagine a well-mannered person who easily breaks his promises and obligations, ignores appointments and is unkind to people. A man of honor and developed self-esteem, he knows how to control his emotions, show restraint, self-control, restraint and correctness. Charming, he attracts people to himself like a magnet, is always friendly and helpful, he gives everyone around him pleasure from communication.
In a letter to his brother Nikolai, Anton Pavlovich Chekhov writes what conditions, in his opinion, educated people should satisfy. I think it is useful for us to listen to his words: “They respect the human person, and therefore are always condescending, gentle, polite, compliant... They do not rebel because of a hammer or a missing rubber band; when living with someone, they do not make a favor out of it, and when they leave, they do not say: “I can’t live with you!” They forgive noise, cold, overcooked meat, witticisms, and the presence of strangers in their home... They are sincere and fear lies like fire. They don't lie even about trifles. A lie is offensive to the listener and vulgarizes the speaker in his eyes. They do not show off, they behave on the street the same way as at home, and do not throw dust in the eyes of the smaller brethren. They are not talkative and do not come out with frankness when they are not asked... They do not humiliate themselves in order to arouse sympathy in others. They don’t play on the strings of someone else’s soul so that in response they sigh and coddle them. They don’t say: “They don’t understand me!” - because all this has a cheap effect, it’s vulgar, old, false... They are not vain. They are not interested in such fake diamonds as meeting celebrities... If they have talent, they respect it. They sacrifice peace, women, wine, vanity for him... They cultivate aesthetics in themselves. They can’t sleep in their clothes, breathe crappy air, walk on a spit-stained floor... Doing work for a penny, they don’t run around with their stick for a hundred rubles and don’t boast that they were allowed to go where others weren’t allowed...”
Petr Kovalev Other articles by the author: https://www.podskazki.info/karta-statej/
