Help and protection for signs of psychological (emotional) violence in the family by women, men, parents and children

12/15/20185 minutes read 9048

Violence can be physical or psychological ( emotional)

). Most people associate the word “violence” with the use of physical force. The brain immediately produces pictures of fights, torture, the use of weapons and pools of human blood. These are all visual images that are most easily imprinted in memory. But there is violence that cannot be “seen,” and it is often more insidious and dangerous than physical violence. We are talking about psychological violence.

What does this mean?
What are the signs of psychological abuse?
How can you help in this case?

And most importantly, how to protect yourself, your children and your family from invisible, but very real tyranny? First things first.

Types of psychological violence

Psychological, also called moral and emotional, violence is a form of non-physical pressure on the human psyche, which leads to anxiety, depression or even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

It is important to understand that in most cases this is not one-time oppression, but a constant factor that creates a certain climate in a relationship or family, where one is dominant and the other is submissive. Typically, psychological and moral violence manifests itself in the form of:

offensive remarks and jokes that are aimed at humiliating dignity or ridicule physical features;
control of actions (the tyrant demands a report on each step taken, arranges interrogations and limits the circle of communication for the victim);
imposing certain mindsets and opinions;
emotional manipulation (provoking certain emotions);
instilling feelings of guilt or debt;
intimidation;
devaluation of achievements.

The means of psychological terror can range from venomous jokes to a completely convincing demonstration of grief (so convincing that you involuntarily feel guilty for upsetting him). A tyrant can pretend to be magnanimous and generous, which is often misleading. But, in essence, it’s something like “I’ll give you what you want, but then you’ll owe it.”

The result of systematic pressure almost always is the acceptance of the partner’s attitudes, a feeling of worthlessness, lack of independence, etc. Psychological and moral violence can manifest itself in the family, in relationships with children, relatives, friends and colleagues at work. There is psychological violence of women and psychological violence of men.

What to do, there is a moral rapist - your friend?

It happens that after years of communicating with the same person who is a friend, you come to the realization that his influence has a negative impact on life. A person is a creature that will continue to look for various excuses and idealize another person until the end until he is completely disappointed in him. This is what happens with an abuser. Of course, you don’t want to believe that a friend is a moral rapist.

However, if, after meeting with the same person, depression appears, the mood deteriorates and a state of emptiness is present, it is worth considering whether he is an abuser. Having understood this, it is necessary to stop communicating with him at least for a while and assess the situation, so to speak, from the outside.

Undoubtedly, it is difficult to break off a friendship with a person who is a friend, but there is no other way to solve this problem. However, there is still another option - you need to seek help from a third party. This could be a good friend who needs to express everything that is happening and ask him for help. It is very important that such a person can be trusted. You can call him to a meeting with “toxic” friends and explain that you need moral support in those moments when the abuser begins to use the technique of public humiliation.

Methods of psychological violence

There are a huge number of methods by which an abuser acts. Their main feature is manifestations of emotionally abusive behavior, and the essence comes down to one goal: to gain the trust of the victim, and then criticize and humiliate him in various ways. So in a family, parents scold their children for their only B grade, a friend is offended by rare meetings, the boss pokes his nose at the smallest mistakes in work every time, which, undoubtedly, can be interpreted as psychological and moral violence at work.

Another common method of psychological pressure and chronic verbal aggression is behavior in which the abuser wants his partner, whether male or female, to act and think exactly like himself. At the same time, he strives to completely control the victim: he indicates what clothes to wear, what to do, who to be friends with, what job to prefer.

This type of tyrant uses criticism to adjust the partner's behavior taking into account his interests. Yes, conflicts, grievances or moments of criticism sometimes arise between people, and this is normal for society, but often psychological bullying and violence are disguised under them. And it is very important to recognize it in time in order to provide psychological assistance to victims of violence.

Reasons why a person becomes an abuser

By understanding why a person behaves this way, the problem of moral violence can be solved. Often people begin to take pleasure in humiliating others because they themselves were once under the influence of an abuser. In addition, the person may have experienced the use of brute physical force (beating at school or at home). Finding himself in such a situation, he may develop a desire for revenge or a feeling of superiority over other people.

Of course, after pointing this out to the abuser, there is little chance that he will realize the problem and stop resorting to violence. On the contrary, you can only complicate the situation. A professional psychologist can help a person in such a situation.

Signs of psychological abuse

The so-called signs or “first signs” by which emotional bullying or violence can be recognized have characteristic features. They are present in combinations or separately, but the presence of any of these signs indicates that psychological pressure and violence are being applied to you:

Your partner makes fun of you or criticizes you in front of other people. If you are trying to lose weight, he may call you fat. If you fail to pass a job interview, he will say that it is because of your stupidity. Any reason that can play on your insecurity will be used sooner or later. As a result, your partner will achieve a significant decrease in your self-esteem and will impose the idea that no one but him needs you and you can no longer be helped.
Your ideas, suggestions or opinions are never taken into account. Pure ignorance. Over time, you yourself will begin to doubt the rationality of your ideas.
They try to completely control you, shame you or reprimand you for any actions, treat you like a child, despite your mature age.
Humiliation, insults, accusations, threats - all this is used to unbalance you.
The aggressor partner does not apologize in situations where he is wrong.
Violates your personal boundaries.
Denies his offensive behavior, even if he himself is aware of it.
He yells at you, and then says that you provoked him.
Refuses to discuss problems in your relationship or family.
Uses your affection for him as a tool for manipulation.
May prevent you from communicating with any friends or family members.

Target for emotional release

People who have problems in the emotional sphere become victims of psychological violence:

They do not allow themselves to experience negativity, repressing and denying it. They ignore aggression directed towards them, as if it does not concern them;
They are unable to explain the condition, they themselves do not understand, they are sad, anxious, or feel tired. It is very difficult for them to describe their own emotions. Therefore, they are easily infected by the mood of others. This makes them weak and defenseless against manipulators.

Psychological violence - what is it?

It is easy to influence people who do not understand their goals and desires. They are in limbo, ready to just go with the flow. They take pressure from outside too close to their hearts and immediately surrender under the pressure of the tyrant.

A person who is unable to say “no”, infringes on his own desires and refuses needs, often becomes a victim of emotional abuse. He is used to living by the rules of others, so he is easy to manipulate.

Note! Abusers are able to lure the victim, gain their trust, and wait for emotional attachment. Then they start to act.

Constant mockery, accusations, suspicions and humiliations can break the psyche of even a self-confident person. She begins to feel inferior and blames herself for what is happening, not the abuser.

Consequences of psychological violence

Emotional abuse is almost invisible from the outside; it leads to a psychological “blocking” and prevents the further establishment of healthy interpersonal connections. For example, a family or a married couple in whose relationships this component is present may seem to be an ideal unit of society. The sweetest people who love each other - this is roughly the impression they make on friends, relatives and neighbors. If the spouse suddenly begins to complain about psychological harassment from her husband, she immediately runs into a wall of misunderstanding, and sometimes even condemnation from her environment.

The situation is aggravated by the tyrant himself, using the tools of gaslighting and convincing the victim that everything is fine, “you just always don’t like something.” As a result, she feels guilty or agrees that she is the problem. The result is an increase in complexes, fears, the development of neurosis or other forms of mental disorders, in which it can be difficult to help in any way.

There may be suicidal symptoms or a desire to “drown out” internal pain with alcohol, drugs or potent medications. As a result, problems grow like a snowball and after this, without the intervention of a specialist in the form of an experienced psychologist, it is already difficult to return to normal.

Another danger of such treatment is that if the victim does not fight back, psychological pressure can develop into physical violence. And if this happens at least once, the aggressor cannot be stopped. Here you definitely need to seek qualified help.

Abuser's personality

Abusers tend to be controlling and dominant. Verbal violence helps them achieve these goals.

They are self-absorbed, do not forgive or show empathy, are quick-tempered, suspicious, and do not listen to the voice of reason. Some abusers take their victims hostage. In the case of emotional abuse, this does not happen in a figurative sense: they do everything to isolate the victim from the social support of family and friends. Their mood swings from enthusiastic and cheerful to irritated and furious. Some punish disobedience with silence, others with anger, and many alternate between both.

Protection from psychological violence

Here are some tips from psychologists to help protect yourself:

Say no to someone who likes to command. Consider what will happen if you do not follow the aggressor's orders. If you are prepared for the possible consequences, calmly but firmly say: “I will not obey your commands.” If the commander's attack continues after this, simply ignore subsequent instructions.
Master the method of psychological “aikido” and use it for verbal aggression. The essence of this method is to smooth out the conflict by agreeing with any statements of the tyrant, even absurd ones. Understand that the purpose of shouting and insults is to unbalance you, make you nervous, embarrassed, upset, etc. But if you respond completely unexpectedly, for example, by making a joke, the aggressor will become confused or significantly weaken his position.
Don't fall for the manipulation of ignoring. There is no need to try to talk or appease the person who has “ignored”. Without unnecessary emotions, let him know that he will not achieve anything with such behavior.
Do not allow personal boundaries to be violated, do not succumb to the manipulation of games of duty or guilt that they are trying to impose on you. Remember that you yourself determine what you are responsible for and what you are not. Tell the aggressor directly about this.
Be alert to threats, intimidation and blackmail. If you are sure that this is empty talk, you can respond so that the aggressor will immediately carry out his threat. But if there is a real threat to your life, health or well-being, be careful and avoid acute reactions. Try to record the threats on a tape recorder or video camera so that you can contact law enforcement if necessary.
Try to honestly answer this question for yourself: are you ready to endure regular insults, humiliation and other bullying from an aggressor just because he is your husband, boss or parent? Perhaps it is better not to communicate with this person at all?

If you feel that you cannot help yourself cope with the attacks of the aggressor, use the help of an online psychologist at Helppoint. First of all, the specialist will objectively determine whether certain actions constitute psychological or other violence. If so, it will help you resist the aggressor, taking into account your specific life situation. The simplest possible registration, guaranteed confidentiality, competent psychologists, convenient online communication formats - all this is at your service at Helppoint.

Author: Editorial staff of the Help-Point.net portal

Start working with a psychologist right now

Start a consultation

Tags: violence psychologist consultation abuse abuse relationships gaslighting psychologist online sexual violence