Psychological violence: signs, types, how to cope

What is psychological violence?

Despite the prevalence of psychological violence, there is no generally accepted precise and complete definition of it. We can say that psychological violence is an impact on the human psyche that can lead to psychological trauma.

There are borderline cases when you can only suspect psychological violence by relying on your own feelings. If you feel bad around someone, there is reason to reflect and think critically about your experience.

The purpose of psychological violence is to weaken or completely kill your self-esteem and completely control you, to lead you to the idea that you cannot break off a pathological relationship or to impose that you cannot live without the offender.

Types of domestic violence

In general, it is usually divided into three types:

Physical. Most often found on the part of the father of the family - he can cause bodily harm to his wife and children. There are outbreaks of aggression on the part of the mother or adult children.
Sexual violence is any forced action of a sexual nature.
Psychological violence is moral pressure on relatives. It is this third type that will be discussed in more detail in this article.

Psychological (moral) violence leads to serious emotional trauma and mental disorders - depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, panic attacks, stress, and so on. Typically, this type of violence is characteristic of individuals who want to assert themselves at the expense of others; they enjoy the process of humiliating weaker people. Also, such people often suffer from mental illness - for example, personality disorder, schizophrenia, paranoia, and so on.

Types of psychological violence

All characteristic manifestations of psychological violence are conventionally grouped into three categories.

Verbal aggression

The abuser will do everything they can to lower your self-esteem or in some way make you feel inferior or powerless. After all, if you feel like you are worthless and no one needs you, you are less likely to leave.

Techniques that can be used for this include:

Label. Attention is focused on the negative quality that you supposedly have. The word “always” is always added to any negative phrase addressed to you.
Scream. Aggressive behavior , hitting the table and throwing things around is used. With the goal of intimidating you, making you look pitiful and unable to resist.
Patronage. Focusing on the supposed superiority of the offender’s intelligence compared to yours.
A shame. Making fun of your shortcomings in public, revealing secrets.
Neglect. What is important to you is ignored verbally or through gestures, eye rolling, smirking, etc.
Sarcasm. Turning any violence into a joke means you are taking everything too seriously.
Insult to appearance. Before going anywhere, your appearance, clothes, hairstyle, makeup,
Interests. Your hobbies are considered a pointless waste of time.

Blaming the victim and denying the perpetrator's guilt

The purpose of this behavior is to make you believe that you are full of flaws and should be ashamed of yourself. It’s hard for a rapist to live with you, because he has the best feelings for you and, of course, there is no violence on his part and cannot be. Here are the tactics used:

Jealousy. Accusations of flirting or cheating.
Gaslighting. Denying obvious violence or other actions to make you feel uncomfortable.
Guilt. The belief that you owe the rapist something.
Accusation. Shifting responsibility for starting a quarrel.
Castling. Accusing you of violence. Allegedly, the rapist is himself a victim.
Elephant. Accusation of exaggerating the significance of any action.
"Because of you". An attempt to justify all problems with your existence.
Destruction. Damage to your things followed by denial.

Dominant behavior

The goal is to create a hierarchy in the relationship, where the rapist is at the top and you are at the bottom. The abuser gains power and control. The tactics are:

Threats. They can be specific: taking children, ruining things.
Place. Constant monitoring of your location. The abuser wants to know where you are and insists that you answer calls or texts immediately. In addition, they can double-check your location.
Spy. Control your social networks, mail, browser history in front of you or secretly.
Insulation. Cutting off your connections with the outside world, with family and friends, often in order to prevent help from them.
Solution. Making decisions for you, without your participation.
Financial violence. Retention of money, control of finances , obstacles to getting a job and work.
Theft. An order, actions that must be carried out immediately, against your will.
Helplessness. It’s easier to do something yourself than to explain it. Rapists know this and take advantage of it.

The technique of some rapists is so refined that it will not be easy to understand that you are being manipulated. On the other hand, some techniques from this list can be encountered once in a normal relationship.

You are prohibited from showing negative emotions

Nobody says “Don’t you dare cry!” or “Smile immediately!” But if you are sad or angry, they try very persistently to console you. And prove that your problems are not worth such strong emotions.

“Why are you so upset over such trifles?”
"Don't be upset! This has never happened to me before, and it’s okay, everything turned out okay.”

At first glance, this is just an attempt to cheer you up. But behind it there is often another motive: a person cannot stand other people’s negative emotions and wants to “hush them up” as quickly as possible. Maybe he empathizes with you a lot and your pain hurts him. Or maybe he’s just too lazy to bother with you and wants you to be comfortable and happy.

This approach is called toxic positivity, and it does not have the best effect on mental health. It is important for a person to live through his negative emotions, and not to push them deeper.

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