Married mistress of a married man - psychology of lovers' relationships: what to do if a woman falls in love with a guy and he has a wife

In this article we will tell you:

6 versions of why men need mistresses
Why does a married man need a mistress?
6 signs that a man has a mistress

The question of why men need mistresses is asked by almost all women. Any keeper of the family hearth sincerely tries to fill all the niches and corners of the soul of her chosen one. But for some reason, representatives of the stronger half of humanity still go to the left. Even when everything is cloudless on the family front.

There are many explanations for this. New theories are born almost every day. This topic has been discussed by psychologists, sexologists, philosophers and millions of ladies with broken hearts. We also decided to raise this issue.

Why do wives cheat?

Many perceive male adultery as the norm, attributing everything to physiology and polygamy. They have many signals: they want change, they want to express sexual energy and just have fun. Many people don’t even think that a guy’s betrayal counts.

But girls are usually treated more demandingly, and therefore they are accustomed to hiding an affair more carefully. Let's figure out where it comes from. The usual “excuses” for men are unacceptable here:

Sexual attraction at the level of instinct - women are more likely to focus on feelings and emotions.
Novelty is repulsive, because they are attracted to stability.
Self-affirmation - no, because only a guy can assert himself, and for a girl such a reputation will only become offensive.

It is interesting to note that the real reasons are strongly related to the marital relationship. Common reasons why a married woman falls in love with a married or single man:

Poor relationship with your spouse, lack of affection, care, tenderness and sense of security. Psychological discomfort.
Lack of attention: the husband does not notice the new haircut or new clothes. He spends all his time in the garage under the car or in the company of his friends, leaving his wife to while away the lonely evenings.
Revenge. What if the man has already been caught in adultery? Of course, many go through this stage, forgive, try to forget, but subconsciously there is a certainty that the traitor should be punished.
Dissatisfaction in intimate life. Sometimes the spouse stops performing marital duty altogether or performs it, caring exclusively about his own pleasure - no foreplay, prolonged caresses, romance or gratification of sexual desires. The second common option is satiety with monotony.
Lack of emotions. Sometimes it happens like this: boring, the same, stable. I want adventure, like in a romantic film - an explosion, a storm, but at home everything is ordinary. Everyday life eats up men too - they stop expressing their feelings, which leads to a complete emotional vacuum in the family.
Finding the perfect love or a prince on a white horse. Often marriage occurs after an unplanned pregnancy or for other reasons, when they hoped for “endure and fall in love.” But all the years of marriage they are looking for that one and only.
Love. An outburst of intense mutual feelings can lead to an affair.

Lack of support and lack of sex

One of the reasons why a married man takes a young mistress is a problematic relationship with his wife. If this is temporary, for example, during a crisis, then he may not start a long-term relationship on the side. But in situations where the problem is not resolved, a short-term affair can develop into a serious romance.

Intimacy is a need of any sexually mature adult. Each individual has a different temperament, a unique level of sexual activity and need for intimacy. If the temperaments of husband and wife do not match, one of the spouses remains dissatisfied. In the long term, a lack of sex leads to discord in relationships. Satisfying your desires and realizing your fantasies is the explanation why men have passionate lovers.

READ How to find out if your wife has a lover: signs of a secret hobby

Another problem that is also associated with cheating is lack of support. It is important for a representative of the stronger sex that a woman believes in him and shares his values and life goals. The need for support is not met for the following reasons:

excessive criticism;
the wife's authoritarian character;
the wife's lack of faith in her husband's success;
discrepancy between life values and priorities.

Husbands left without the support of their wives do not cease to need it, so they continue to look for it, which over time develops into a love relationship on the side. Women who feel a lack of attention and resentment distance themselves from men even more. So over time, one problem is superimposed on others, which is why the marriage is destroyed. It is better to stop this before the destructive process begins.

Reasons why a married man loves a married woman

Most husbands are not going to divorce. As I noted, they do not see anything wrong with betrayal, so they treat their mistress with ease, as temporary entertainment.

If a girl is unmarried, she intuitively hopes for the continuation of the relationship and its legalization. She has a lot of free time that can be spent on calls, messages, meetings. They are more interested in gifts and constant attention.

A married woman, on the contrary, is different:

Unpretentiousness: she is satisfied with her current situation, she does not want to change anything.
The desire to give all the love and tenderness, she is an experienced woman, she already knows a lot, she does not strive to play a role that is inaccessible.
The need to hide relationships. She will not gossip or tell her colleagues and friends.
Material considerations. It’s simply impossible to give expensive gifts - after all, how will she tell her legal husband about the new acquisition.

Loss of love, need for novelty and falling in love

Most often, relationships on the side between spouses begin to develop during the most difficult periods for a marriage. One of the reasons why men take mistresses is explained by psychology. This is the loss of love in marriage, the fading of passion. Feelings do not last forever, but their absence is not always a reason for divorce. A family is united not only by love, but also by mutual obligations, responsibility, and shared property.

If, as a result of loss of love, a husband starts an affair with another woman, but does not leave his wife, then he is satisfied with such a relationship. He finds the fulfillment of his desires and needs in a relationship with his mistress. In such situations, it is possible to correct anything, but this requires well-coordinated joint work by both partners on the relationship.

READ How to forgive a girl for cheating and is it worth doing?

An unfaithful spouse is not always satisfied with having relationships outside of marriage. Remorse from deception adds a hint of bitterness to a romantic affair and prevents you from fully enjoying the connection. An unfaithful husband will try to fix the situation by getting entangled in a love triangle.

The following steps will help with this:

frank conversation with your wife about problems in your marriage;
establishing contact;
awareness of your needs;
constructive dialogue, voicing your desires.

There is no need to rush into confessions. Not every woman is able to forgive betrayal. If the husband himself figures out why he needs a mistress and can get this from his wife, then harmony in the relationship will be restored.

What does a married woman want from a married man and why does she prefer him?

In general, the reasons are similar. But jealousy is mixed in. Bachelors have a strong sense of ownership; they are not used to sharing a girl with anyone, even if the legal spouse is claiming. They will express dissatisfaction in every possible way; in case of a breakup, they may even threaten or blackmail.

Psychologist Daria Milai

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A lover who has a spouse will not be jealous, because he himself is in a similar state. He will not make a scene, blackmail, or publicize a secret affair, because he will have to divorce his wife first.

Another “minus” of bachelors is that they need a lot of free time spent together. In addition, the lack of commitment leads to the fact that they have a less regular sex life and uncontrolled sexual intercourse becomes more frequent.

Another advantage of married people is that they are reliable, accustomed to keeping their promised words, and acting appropriately, in accordance with the situation.

We conclude: if a lover and mistress are both married, they are more confident in each other and know how to relax and distract themselves from everyday problems together.

Love or self-affirmation

There is a common belief as to why married men seek out and have mistresses. They do this due to low self-esteem. When a man does not have a sufficient level of self-esteem and self-confidence, he will try to compensate for this by all available means.

You can understand why a married man needs a mistress by looking at his attitude towards himself. Husbands who want to improve their self-esteem have affairs outside of marriage and do not leave their wives, because they feel the need for them too. A married lover simply needs proof of his attractiveness.

Additional factors that contribute to love affairs:

adrenaline - the risk of exposure adds acuity to sensations and experiences;
freshness of feelings;
sexual diversity;
lack of responsibility, shared everyday problems and routine.

A man who strives to increase his self-esteem and sense of self-worth through sexual victories fails to achieve what he wants. This only makes the situation worse, as other methods are needed. Mistresses are a temporary solution that does not lead to long-term results, but only aggravates existing psychological problems.

READ Cheating at work: causes and solutions to the problem

How to deal with a married lover

Girls should be careful and not leave traces of their presence, and also not count on too much. In 95 percent of cases, he will not get divorced and will not propose marriage to you. I will give specific recommendations.

Behavior rules

Insist on meetings on neutral territory.
Never use his wife’s things - do not use perfumes, hygiene products, cosmetics.
Do not call first, do not write SMS or messages on social networks. Your best option is not to leave any written evidence of affection.
Don't demand too much: family is always more important.

If you are confused and find yourself in a difficult situation, I recommend signing up for my consultation. I will listen to your problems, give advice and recommendations.

Psychologists' opinion

Psychology very accurately shows why a man takes a young mistress. The answer to this question is different in each individual case. The opinion of experts is that problems in the family are the reason why men have mistresses, and not a consequence. Therefore, it is important to understand the reasons. Psychologists believe that outside relationships cannot make a man happy for the following reasons:

relationships outside marriage are built on lies and bring suffering to all participants in the triangle;
entangled in feelings for two women, the lover constantly faces self-condemnation;
sooner or later the truth will emerge, and this may cause discord in family relationships or even lead to divorce;
the need to constantly deceive and hide in order to maintain a relationship makes a person unhappy;
Because of relationships outside the family, other areas of life suffer.

If love for his wife has faded, and feelings for another woman have appeared, a person should be honest with himself. There is no point in maintaining a dead relationship. Breaking up is a painful but honest solution to the problem. It gives a chance for happiness to all three sides of the love triangle.

For a married man, a mistress is not always the result of his immorality and sexual promiscuity. Usually the reasons for adultery are much more subtle. If you identify them in time, diagnose and eliminate the problem, there is every chance of saving the marriage, reviving happiness, love and harmony in your relationship with your wife.

Benefits of being a lover

This is an easy relationship - there is no need to give reports, promises, you can break it off at any time. No guilt, only freedom.
A rich experience. How can you find out the type of man that suits you if you don’t try to get closer to him?
Have a nice stay. The beloved on the side receives more entertainment, cafes and even trips to resorts than the legal spouse. Enjoy life without obligations.
Rest from household duties. You will open the buttons on the shirt, and someone else will sew them on. How to cook borscht, wash socks, iron suits.
Fresh emotions, including from extreme sports.
Material support. Often a man strives to provide for his beloved. You can expect even such large gifts as a car or an apartment from a well-to-do businessman.

What does a married gentleman expect from his mistress?

Husbands decide to cheat spontaneously, but this becomes a consequence of a long-term lack of satisfaction of basic mental and physical needs. But a permanent relationship on the side is not an impulsive betrayal, but a balanced, albeit emotional, decision. Explaining why a married man needs a permanent mistress, psychologists list the following reasons:

for inspiration and support;
for sexual satisfaction;
to feel needed;
for a break from routine;
for self-affirmation, maintaining self-confidence.

This is what pushes people to look for love affairs outside of marriage. A man most often takes a permanent mistress to satisfy unconscious needs.

Why do guys have relationships on the side?

Any person gets tired of monotony, and the male half of humanity has never been monogamous. Causes:

Mental rejuvenation. This is especially true for people aged 45+. They are interested in younger girls, they make them feel young and reckless.
I want to get away from my wife's nagging. The spouse nags on various issues, while the mistress is ready to listen with understanding.
Aesthetic pleasure: in the evenings he is greeted by a beautifully made-up, well-groomed lady in sexy lingerie, and not slippers, a robe and curlers.
New sensations in bed. Sex with the same partner for 10-20 years often leads to decreased libido.
Revenge on the wife if she committed adultery.

Advice for a married lover

In connection with the reasons for betrayal, I want to emphasize that you will not replace his family, but only several areas of his life. Therefore, 95% of the time he will not abandon his wife. Do not spoil your and his nerves by demanding a divorce, blackmailing, contacting your wife.

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Why does a man need a mistress?

Scientists have found that humans belong to the group of polygamous mammals, although they retain their ability to build other forms of social connections. This is one of the main reasons for male infidelity. A sociological survey conducted with the participation of 1000 people showed that 41% of men have mistresses. Another 10% admitted that they decided to have relationships with other women, but did not consider them as permanent partners. Psychologists decided to find out why a man needs a mistress. Here are the answers we received:

A third of the stronger sex had a mistress as a result of the feeling of falling in love.
Half of the men surveyed need a mistress for enchanting sex, since their wives are not satisfied with their intimate life.
A small percentage of men surveyed justified their outside relationships as a way to relieve boredom.

A separate category is husbands who consider cheating to be a means of self-affirmation. The rest admitted that they committed betrayal in moments of weakness, driven only by sexual attraction.

READ Signs and most common reasons for a wife's betrayal
In some cases, love affairs arise during periods of personal crises. Psychologists note that older representatives of the stronger sex take on young lovers at turning points, trying to regain the feeling of youth. On a subconscious level, they try in this way to delay the onset of old age, to prove to themselves that they are still attractive. After the end of the crisis, the craving for love deeds fades away, and the spouse returns with pleasure to the familiar family space. But sometimes families are destroyed as a result of such hobbies.

Recommendations if a married woman falls in love with a married man

In this situation, it is necessary to understand that both partners are in an equal position. Adviсe:

Respect his personal space, then he will take care of yours too.
Set boundaries and agreements – when and where meetings are scheduled, how communication will take place.
Take care of your family and value it above all else - lovers can change, but children will always remain.
Don't get involved with your spouse's friend/colleague, this will lead to the connection being quickly revealed.
Hide your emotions in front of your husband. If he is attentive, he will notice the shine of his eyes, increased attention to appearance, and a loving smile when reading an SMS.
Make sure you have a good alibi. This could be a club you go to with a friend. A great option is going to the gym 3 times a week.
Label gifts, but don't hide them. Tell us about your mother’s birthday present or your own purchase with the bonus you received.
Correspondence and calls - only at work using a company computer/phone. No personal gadgets.
Wash away the smell of men's perfume and the aroma of aftershave lotion.

If your mistress is an “alternate airfield”

It often happens that a married gentleman begins an affair on the side precisely at the moment when his marriage began to crack at the seams. He is not yet sure whether he wants a divorce, since he does not want to rush to part with his legal wife, but his feelings for his new lover are in full swing.

Of course he will have to choose. But it all depends on which of the two women wants to be with this man more:

the wife suddenly changes her behavior. A disheveled hysterical woman will turn into a caring princess, forcing her husband to look at her with different eyes;
the homewrecker will prove that she is better. At home there are constantly scandals, dirt, cold dinner, but with her it’s warm, cozy and dizzying sex.

Surprisingly, sometimes it happens that it is not the prodigal husband, but the rivals themselves who have to choose who he will stay with . He does not see this war for his heart until the very end. Take the test and find out what your chances are of getting your husband back

How to get away from the family

This is a rare occurrence, but you can achieve a divorce following these recommendations:

Act quickly. An impulsive decision is made in the first months of falling in love.
Find out more about personality, habits, activities, preferences.
Become a friend, listen to complaints, give advice.
Collect information about your wife and be better than her - externally, intellectually.
Give him what he doesn't get at home.
Don’t dismiss your problems; if you want to help, he will become interested himself.
Don't focus on finances.
Any contact with the legal spouse is prohibited.

Permanent lover - who is she?

It is difficult to say unequivocally why a married man needs a mistress - after all, each of them has his own reasons for cheating. A mistress is not just a sexual partner, it is certain feelings, status and lifestyle.

There are mistresses who do not stay in a man’s life for long, but there are also those who go hand in hand with him for many years, almost like a legal wife.

The constant mistress of a married man is convenient because you can come to her in moments of despair, when your wife doesn’t understand, your boss is pushing you, and your children are not doing well in school. She will understand and warm you on her chest, this is why she is valued. Having several mistresses is not beneficial for a family man either financially or morally.

But still, why do you need a mistress? What do husbands lack with their wives?

Is it possible to avoid betrayal?

To rule out adultery, give your spouse:

a varied sex life - don’t be afraid to experiment in bed;
a stable life with its own foundations;
aesthetic pleasure - visit the beauty salon and gym more often, do not forget to put on makeup before dinner together;
do not give reasonable reasons for jealousy.

With such a life partner, a faithful person will not want to turn to the left.

If he is proud of his mistress

Another reason why a husband cannot leave his mistress is the pride he feels from owning such a sexy beauty. Everyone around her admires her, and men follow her with lustful glances .

As a rule, this situation is common for wealthy men who generously shower their sweetheart with gifts, but at the same time keep their spouse on a short leash. Usually the wife knows that the other half is moving to the left, but she cannot do anything, since money plays a decisive role. Take the test and find out what your chances are of getting your husband back

When both lovers are married

This kind of relationship, unfortunately, is not uncommon, and this connection does not always complicate life for partners.