Cheating - good or bad: psychology of relationships, reasons for cheating, advice from psychologists

• November 10, 2018
• Psychology of relationships
• Marina Pislegina

What is treason? Is it good or bad when one of the partners starts looking for someone on the side? Many people believe that having sex with someone else while having a husband or wife is simply immoral.

Moreover, betrayal for most people is a betrayal that can hardly be forgiven, much less forgotten. It is for this reason that more than half of marriages break up. You will learn more detailed information on this issue while reading this article.

A short introduction

What is treason? Is this good or bad? The answers to these questions are of interest to many people, especially those who have experienced this themselves. So, betrayal is nothing more than the betrayal of a loved one. After all, only someone who was trusted more than themselves can betray. As a rule, these are loved ones and relatives.

If a man cheats on his wife, then in most cases the latter will be able to forgive him and simply turn a blind eye to her husband’s infidelity. However, many representatives of the stronger sex believe that if a beloved woman had intimate intimacy with another, then their relationship is forever destroyed and nothing can be returned back. But is this really so?

If one person truly loves another, then he will be able to forgive him. In addition, some psychologists believe that cheating helps strengthen relationships between partners who have been together for a very long time. True, most people think differently.

Position of science

From the point of view of neuroscience, love, affection, the desire for sex with only one partner is determined solely by the work of neurotransmitters in our brain. The main one is dopamine, a neurotransmitter involved in the formation of addictions. When partners experience joy from each other’s company, which is usually observed in the “candy-bouquet period,” the level of dopamine tends to the maximum. And sex with a loved one is perceived by the brain as a reward. And since everyone loves awards, interest in their spouse is maintained high.

But over time, changes occur in relationships. We begin to see our partner no longer “through rose-colored glasses,” but with his mistakes and behavior and actions that are not always pleasant to us. The “magical” effect of dopamine decreases, passion subsides. And since not all partners are ready to constantly maintain this “fire” in a relationship, the brain can “tell” you to look for pleasure on the side.

Another neurotransmitter that is important in relationships is oxytocin, called the bonding hormone. It is its sharp release after childbirth that forms the almost instantaneous attachment of a mother to her baby. It also influences the relationship between men and women, as it creates an invisible connection between them. Oxytocin is produced in response to physical contact: kissing, hugging, sex. And the more frequent and close this contact is, the stronger the “oxytocin threads” connecting the spouses will be. If there is no cuddling and regular sex, attraction and attachment will naturally wane and go away.

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a brief description of

Is cheating good or bad? Many experts cannot give a definite answer to the question posed.

From a moral point of view, betrayal is a very bad act, after which it is no longer possible to regain the previous trust in a person. For example, the wife believed that her husband loved and adored her madly, and at that time he had intimate relations with several other women.

But if you look at betrayal from the other side? What can you notice? Men cheat, in particular, for the reason that they simply do not have enough sexual relations with their other half. Therefore, representatives of the stronger half of humanity begin to look to the left. In addition, constant scandals with his wife, her not very pleasant appearance and extra pounds also take their toll. After all, an unkempt housewife who is only busy with cooking and cleaning will not look the same as an attractive employee of a company owned by her husband.

Therefore, in order for a husband not to cheat on his wife, she must always be beautiful and well-groomed, and not deny him sex. This rule must be remembered.

Is it worth cheating on your husband if he betrayed you?

Before cheating on your chosen one, psychologists recommend answering several questions:

1. Why do you want to change? So that your beloved feels the same thing that you experienced? In this case, the desire for revenge is a bad advisor.
2. What will be the consequences of your infidelity? Believe me, you will not be satisfied, on the contrary, you will feel even worse.
3. Will you blame yourself after what happened? It is possible that your spouse will sincerely repent and want to start over from scratch, and you will only ruin everything by cheating.
4. What do you want: physical sensations or something more? If you want a serious relationship, then hasty intimacy will only ruin everything, you will feel used.
5. Do you feel that your husband is not your other half? First of all, you need to understand whether your spouse is really your man.

How does a woman's infidelity manifest itself?

According to most people who think whether betrayal is good or bad, the infidelity of one of the partners is a great sin. Not everyone can forgive betrayal. And there is an explanation for this.

Moreover, sometimes situations occur when not only men, but also women cheat. This happens due to the fact that the fair sex does not receive proper attention from their spouse or are categorically dissatisfied with their family life.

In certain cases, women cheat because they simply fall in love with another man, who surrounded them with the care and tenderness that was so lacking before. This also happens. Often, because of sudden love, even the strongest marriages are destroyed.

But how can a husband identify the signs of his wife’s infidelity? The psychology of the fair sex is designed in such a way that they can hide a relationship with another man from their permanent partner for a long time. However, the husband may feel that his wife is unfaithful to him. This manifests itself in the fact that a woman who cheats on her regular partner with another man simply moves away from him and becomes cold and insensitive towards her husband.

Good sex with an interesting interlocutor

To survive in the modern civilized world, it is not at all necessary to have a couple: one person is able to provide for himself, and all household issues such as ironing and cleaning can be outsourced. From relationships they began to expect emotional closeness, pleasant impressions, rich communication, and satisfaction of the need for acceptance, understanding and self-realization.

And then a catch arose: it turned out that the same person can extremely rarely turn out to be a good source of romantic emotions, a reliable friend, an unboring lover and always an interesting fellow self-developer. Therefore, the “serial” type of monogamy has gained additional popularity points: people live with the same partner for several years, remaining faithful to him (or at least declaring it), and then the relationship gradually becomes obsolete, and the participants disperse in search of new partners.

In addition, globalization and mobility have led to the fact that even husband and wife do not always live not only in the same house, but also in the same city or country. Some scientists believe that new technologies are largely changing the very meaning of infidelity: the importance of sex is decreasing, and the importance of sincerity is growing. And sometimes it’s much easier to tell about your pain to a “lover” from another part of the world than to your husband sitting in the kitchen.

Yet the existence of promiscuous people can threaten our own sexual strategies: if we are married, having readily available options for our partner tempts him, and if we are single, having easily accessible sex reduces our potential partner's enthusiasm for sex. about long-term relationships with obligations.

That is, from a pragmatic point of view, someone else's promiscuity can threaten our interests, so most people condemn it. Therefore, sad as it may be, the habit of “slat-shaming” (judgment for having a large number of sexual partners) may not completely disappear as tolerance grows in society - after all, any tolerance tends to end where there is a direct threat to our personal interests.

In addition

Many women are afraid that their husband will find out about the affair and file for divorce. Therefore, wanting to save the family, despite remorse, the latter still hide their relationship with another man from their permanent partner.

Women who cheat on their husbands begin to devote more time to their appearance, can spend hours on social networks, and also set a password on their phone so that the husband cannot read messages or answer calls. People are all different, and a noticeable change in a wife’s behavior may not always indicate infidelity to her partner. Everything will depend on the situation.

The main reasons for change in women

Here are the main reasons why a wife wants to cheat on her husband:

1. The desire for revenge. This is usually how women react to the news of their husband’s infidelity. Deceived spouses want to repay their partner in the same coin. However, there is no need to rush.
2. Lack of sex life. The constant fatigue of a loved one, refusal to fulfill “marital duty” provoke the emergence of anger towards him and self-doubt.
3. Bad habits and behavior. Abusive and disrespectful behavior, lack of compliments and interest from a spouse can push a wife into the tight arms of another man.
4. Unjustified expectations. Each married couple has its own individual characteristics, but in any family there is a routine, everyday problems, quarrels and scandals occur. When there is no understanding between two people or expectations are not met, thoughts of cheating may arise.
5. Love has faded. This is the most serious and most justified reason. When spouses have been together for a long time, have a common business, children and many other connecting factors, stability and constancy can become boring. A woman perceives her life partner as a friend and respected person, but not a beloved man.

A little about male infidelity

In fact, for the majority of representatives of the stronger half of humanity, sex with another woman is not something special. Many men do not even perceive any affair with a pretty girl as cheating. Well, it was and was. True, there are those who specifically take on mistresses.

Some wives, having learned that their spouse has another woman, begin to pack their things and file for divorce. After all, betrayal is bad not only from the point of view of morality and morality. And for many women, the infidelity of a loved one can be the end of a long and strong relationship. But this doesn't always happen. And although cheating is bad, married women often turn a blind eye to their husband’s unworthy behavior. After all, not a single married lady wants to become a “divorcee” and raise children alone (if they are married).

What could be the consequences of female infidelity?

There are a lot of options here, and the most typical ones are divorce, indifference or reconciliation. If your spouse decides to end the marriage, prepare yourself mentally and financially for independent living. If your chosen one provided for you, then now you will have to deny yourself a lot.

A moment's weakness can destroy many years of family life . It is quite possible that this is exactly your case. Are you ready to erase the past in one fell swoop and plunge into a new relationship? Will you be able to forgive yourself for such an act or will you suffer and suffer?

In addition, when you think about cheating, think that your parents and friends may find out about adultery , and then in their eyes it will be you who are to blame for the breakdown of the family.

There is another option - a lover is unlikely to want to enter into a serious relationship and connect his life with a woman who is capable of betraying a loved one.

Main reasons

Many people often wonder why spouses begin to cheat on their significant other? The answer will depend on the specific situation.

Men cheat only to find something new for themselves. Many husbands are so tired of the constant reproaches of their wives that they think that with another partner everything will be different. Although the reason for a bad relationship with his wife most often lies in himself.

How does a man feel after cheating? The psychology of representatives of the stronger half of humanity is designed in such a way that after a sexual relationship with another lady, a young man can feel discomfort from betrayal and euphoria at the same time. But this manifests itself differently for everyone.

Some men, after cheating, begin to shower their wives with gifts, others become more passionate in bed, and others simply pull away and are completely immersed in a new intimate relationship with a secret partner. It all depends on the person himself.

What do betrayals lead to on a psychological level?

Betrayal, which is important, “hits” a person’s self-esteem too much, from which not only the victim in this situation suffers, but also the traitor himself.

For each partner, the pain of betrayal will manifest itself differently. However, both of them will experience far from pleasant feelings.

How to survive your husband's betrayal: kill or forgive?

How do people feel after cheating?

The consequences of betrayal at the level of psychological state are very strong, and often lead to loss of self-control of partners.

Moreover, against the backdrop of such a strong emotional defeat, people are prone to committing many rash acts.

An example from history of how much influence betrayal has on a person

So that you can be convinced of the “severity” of the consequences of betrayal, I will give an example of the life path of a literary character - Anna Karenina.
Her life story was interesting, but, alas, with a sad ending.

Being married to a man much older than herself, Anna falls in love with a young and charming man - Count Vronsky. Having cheated on her husband, Anna realizes that her feelings for her husband come down to nothing but respect. She becomes Vronsky's mistress. Moreover, she is expecting a child from him, although she already had a son in her marriage.

When her husband realizes that Anna is lying to him, he threatens her with separation from her son and forces her to pretend to be a family idyll.

At the time of Anna's birth from Vronsky, the husband took pity and decided to forgive his wife, accepting her child. However, this did not lead to happiness.

Anna remains between several fires at the same time: she yearns for her son, is jealous of Vronsky, cannot tolerate her husband and has a newborn baby in her arms.

In the end, she cannot withstand the pressure of her own conscience and the public and throws herself under the train. Her young life is fading away at this moment.

Was it worth sacrificing yourself for the sake of betrayal? How many destinies have been broken due to the infidelity of a spouse? What is the fault of children who are left without a mother?

There is one answer to these questions - betrayal, whether hidden or open, always leads to unpleasant consequences. Cheating is a deception that cannot be hidden indefinitely. Sooner or later he comes out and ruins people's destinies.

How to find out

Most often, women try to determine by their man’s behavior that he has begun to cheat. But sometimes representatives of the stronger half of humanity try so hard to hide it that the spouses simply do not realize it.

However, there are certain signs that a man is cheating. The psychology of the behavior of an unfaithful spouse is manifested in the following:

• he stays late at work (although this is not always an indicator);
• set a password on his phone (which means he has something to hide from his wife);
• began to pay a lot of attention to his appearance and clothes (including underwear);
• he constantly talks on the phone and says that they are calling him at work (but the voice on the phone is heard as female);
• changed the password on social networks;
• the husband, who was very domestic, suddenly began to have constant business trips;
• he spends all his time on the phone;
• he is not interested in the lives of his children and wife;
• began to give gifts to his wife for no reason;
• traces of lipstick on the jacket and shirt (this is an obvious sign that the husband has a mistress);
• became very passionate or, on the contrary, very cold in bed and refuses intimacy with his wife.

Of course, all people are different, and a man’s mood may change not because he has someone. There may be problems at work, or he is simply tired and needs to rest. Therefore, you should not take everything literally.

Experts' opinion

And if one of the spouses nevertheless admitted to the other that he had cheated, should he be forgiven? It all depends on the specific situation.

Many psychologists believe that people need time to understand whether they need to forgive betrayal or not. Of course, if the unfaithful spouse realized everything and asked for forgiveness, then you can try to give him a chance. Although it is not a fact that this will not happen again.

What happens to a woman after her husband cheats? The psychology of behavior of a deceived wife manifests itself in such a way that she, as a rule, does not know what to do in the current situation. At first, the girl experiences pain and disappointment, and a reluctance to even see the cheater. But then everything goes away. And most women easily forgive their husbands’ betrayal and continue to live as if nothing had happened. It all depends on the specific situation.

If a man cheated and left for another, then should he be forgiven? Psychologists say that you need to try, but you don’t have to forgive your offender. Therefore, if the wife from whom her husband left cannot immediately forgive him, then there is no need to do this. It is possible that he simply does not deserve it.

But what to do in a situation where the husband first left for another woman, and then realized that he loved his wife and wanted to come back? Is it worth forgiving him, much less accepting him back? This is something every woman decides for herself. Spouses can seek help from a family psychologist. It is possible that the latter will help them find a way out of a difficult situation.

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Cheating is often as traumatic for a person as the death of a spouse. Sometimes it can be more painful. Because after the death of a loved one, at least memories remain, but after betrayal?

Betrayal brings a lot of suffering because it is a well-aimed shot straight to the core of the personality. Cheating tells you that you are worse than someone else, that your uniqueness is worth little, you can easily be exchanged. Treason undermines the basis of our existence. A close person whom you trusted and hoped for suddenly turns out to be neither close nor reliable. It’s a terrible thing, worse than any fairy tale about the Gray Wolf, because it turns out that this Gray Wolf lived with you in the same house, you fed and watered him, and all this time he looked into the forest.

To understand how to live after this or how to live so that this does not happen, we need to dive into the analysis of the event itself - adultery. And find out the reasons why husbands cheat and why wives cheat. So let's get to the point.

You and I know without any statistics that men cheat much more often than women. Why is that? One of the main reasons that will seem extremely paradoxical to you is the conservatism of men. Husbands, having a passion on the side, are not at all going to change anything in their lives. In general, a man is not going to change one woman for another. He just buys another one. If he loved his wife before, then he will continue to love her. But even if he stopped loving his wife, he still got used to his home, sofa, and slippers. We are all, to one degree or another, slaves of habit. I emphasize – slaves. But men are more dependent on the familiar. It is not for nothing that a real man, A.S. Pushkin, referring specifically to men, said, as he put it: “A habit has been given to us from above, it is a substitute for happiness.” You know the story: if a woman can’t change her apartment, then at least she’ll rearrange the furniture. A man needs his towel to always hang on the same hook, and his slippers to be parked in the usual place.

Men, by their male nature, do not look far ahead when starting a flirtation. They need sex, adventure, and that’s about it. Women, by their very nature, view any relationship as long-lasting. And, fearing to destroy what already exists, they are in no hurry to plunge headlong into new ones. And this is what sharply distinguishes us from each other: a man can experience sexual desire without love, and I have not met women who, at least for an hour, did not want to become the only and beloved.

Another good reason for the greater tendency of men to cheat is the specificity of the choice. If a woman chooses, she chooses an interesting, attractive, sexy, but still a person. You won’t believe it, but men focus on body parts when choosing! Of course, for convex ones. Even in the American Millionaires Club, millionaires approach the matchmaker with an “elegant” request: to have a butt and breasts. Moreover, they emotionally show the matchmaker what the butt and breasts should be like.

And this is the reason for the failure of many men in family life and love affairs. After all, every butt comes with a woman with her own character, and perhaps a very bad one. We have to look for another... Readers will rejoice: another woman, a worthy woman! But you have to upset another butt. Why not?

You probably know that not every person is able to meet true love. And it would be nice if this were an exception! (“I was just unlucky, my soul mate got lost somewhere.”) But here my profession does not allow me to remain silent.

The science of psychology proves that not all people know how to love. Why? There are several reasons. Some people did not have the experience of mutual love with their mother or father in childhood. On the contrary, there was an experience of betrayal. One of the parents, who himself does not know how to love, did not respond to the child’s love. The child learned this bitter experience, suffered and, as we understand, does not want to suffer anymore. And he will run away from love. I have already written about these frightened ones. These are Don Juans and Casanovas of both sexes. They don’t run after love, but from love!

Unfortunate people who are depressed cannot experience love either. Depressive hormones suppress the production of the hormone oxytocin, which, in fact, is what our love is based on.

You shouldn’t rely on the constancy of young Romeos either. Feelings that flare up quickly and too strongly indicate a powerful release of amphetamine by the body. This is a hormone that acts in the same way as the drug of the same name. Intoxicating! Super! Once you try it, you will want more. Some people fall in love and get hooked. This is especially necessary for people in creative professions: actors, singers, poets. To fly, amphetamine gives them wings.

So you have to admit what you don’t want to admit. Some of us are not ready for true love in this life. True love will not allow cheating, because your partner is unique to you and no one can replace him

can not. There are a lot of people around, but you are alone without him.

As you understand, I wrote about this for a reason. If your partner is completely replaceable for you, then why not?

I said that men are programmed by nature to change partners. But if the soul manages to overcome natural instincts, to rise above them to the level of true love, such a person, of course, will not cheat. And yet we have to admit that the love of men and women is very different, since it is based on different instincts. In females (women), love is based on maternal instinct. And not only for children. But also to all living things - dogs, cats, for example. Well, to men, of course.

But there are women (about 5 percent) who do not have this very maternal instinct. They have no desire to take care of a man, protect him from troubles and problems, and most importantly, protect him from himself. Why should a woman do this? But because not every man manages to cope with his instinct, with the task that nature has set for him - so that the area of ​​​​dispersion of the seed is as large as possible. Next I will write for women, for whom not all men are enemies of the human race.

You and I, dear ladies, fortunately or unfortunately, will not know or experience the sexual attraction that men experience. One American woman, a doctor, applied a small amount of the male sex hormone, testosterone, to her mammary glands as an experiment. Well, in general, I am ashamed to write about what she experienced.

Men hear the “call of nature” especially loudly in their teenage years, so there is a real danger for a young man of falling into sexual slavery. The second “call” will sound during a period of hormonal changes, during a mid-life crisis, when gray hair is in your beard and a demon is in your rib. During this period, it is especially important for a woman to be close to her loved one in order to protect him from nonsense. If you and I, dear ladies, could experience the same attraction, we would understand and not judge men. Not everyone can resist the pied piper.

Dear ladies, to live happily, you need to understand the significant difference between male and female love. You can be angry with me as much as you want, but you won’t be able to change the laws of nature. And the instructions of nature are as follows: a woman loves a man. Does this need to be explained? In my opinion, everything is clear here. Therefore, she is looking for a prince, a real man, a protector, and so on. A woman loves a man who is a hero in her eyes!

Now concentrate and try to understand: a man loves a woman in whose eyes he is a hero. Did you feel the difference? Sechenov proposed the following formula: a man loves not a woman, but his love for her. I repeat once again: a man needs a woman’s eyes, in which he is a hero, a genius... Therefore, dear ladies, you and I will have to admit that a man does not need a princess, he needs Cinderella. He, the bastard, needs a background so that against this background he can spread his peacock tail. And when a beauty comes to a marriage agency and declares from the doorway: “You won’t have any problems with me, I have two higher educations, a high position, my own car,” the agency workers, sighing heavily, attach her photographs and prestigious data to a high pile of folders , where an elegant society of highly educated and highly paid brides gathered. Which they don't take. But manicurists, hairdressers and nurses are selling like hotcakes.

Alexander Vasiliev famously said: in order to become a stylist, a man needs to be a little bit of a woman, and a woman needs to be a little bit of a man. However, in order to become a psychologist, a man needs to be a lot of a woman, and a woman needs to be a lot of a man. To understand not only representatives of one’s own sex, but also the other, and in no case, even in feverish delirium, call it the opposite.

In the end, you may not be a stylist, but you simply must be a psychologist. Then you can understand what your partner or partner needs. Well, for now I will help you.

You and I seem to agree that a woman cheats when she is very unhappy with something in the relationship. A woman is looking for the best. They say that the best is the enemy of the good. Therefore, let's be more precise: a woman must be extremely dissatisfied with life in order to decide to cheat. A woman is leaving something and someone. But a man goes to great lengths for something or someone.

We are different and behave differently in situations of betrayal. For example, women have this bad habit of repenting of their sins. You may ask, what's so stupid about this? After all, without repentance for mistakes, your further path is impossible. You need to repent. But only our highly educated ladies confuse the Lord God with their husband.

You need to repent before God. And the person who you think has been harmed simply needs to be compensated for that damage. Well, why do you scold yourself and sprinkle ashes on your head for stepping on someone’s foot? No need to cry on his shoulder, just get off his leg! Agree, dear ladies, that disclosing your sins to your husband is a purely selfish action. You want to ease your soul by hurting his soul. Therefore, if this happened to you, then it is better to repent to God, and become more attentive to your husband.

Men are much smarter than women in this regard. They have a rule that they pass on from mouth to mouth, from generation to generation: even if your wife finds you in bed with someone else, swear that nothing happened. What about women? Remember that joke? Four women in a train compartment are returning from the resort. One of them says: I was at a resort last year and when I arrived home, I told my husband about all my infidelities. What courage, one admired. What nonsense, the other one winced. What a memory, sighed the third. Therefore, if it so happens, madam, that another man has appeared in your life, then you should not inform your husband about this. Even if you and your husband are going to separate, spare his pride, tell him that you just want to live alone, without him. What the eyes do not see, the heart does not grieve about.

But you won’t be able to live your whole life blindfolded. No matter how much the rope twists, there will be a tip. One can, of course, be consoled by the fact that husbands and wives are the last to know about betrayal, but is that any comfort? Therefore, it is better to keep our eyes open and our ears to be on top of our heads. Then you can intercept the romance that is emerging on the side in time and thereby (now you will be surprised at what I say) lead your loved one away from sin.

Let's first note what changes signal to us that "something is wrong in the Danish kingdom." The behavior of men and women is different. If a husband begins to get involved with someone on the side, then, as a rule, he changes for the better. I say: as a rule. Not everyone behaves this way, but most do. The husband begins to give his wife gifts and even, as the women who suffered told me, becomes more active in sex. Women who find themselves in an affair on the side immediately isolate themselves from their husbands and withdraw into themselves.

It is easy to intercept an affair at first, because your relationship is still of greater significance for your spouse than something that is still in its infancy.

How to behave? Naturally, taking into account the peculiarities of the psychology of men and women. A man is a hunter, that's for sure. And the owner is two. Therefore, dear ladies, if you notice any changes in your husband’s behavior, under no circumstances try to extract the truth from him. Don’t even show that something is bothering you! Don’t watch him, don’t reproach him, in general, don’t run after him, but run away from him. What psychologists advise in unison: pretend that you have someone on your side. Well, for example, tell your husband that you are going to the pool, and “forget” your swimsuit and cap at home. Talk to one of your friends in a whisper, bursting into shy laughter. And so on. As soon as your husband realizes that he can lose you, he will no longer have time for his pleasures. The instinct of a hunter and the nature of the owner will make him think more about how not to become a deceived husband than about how to be someone's lover.

Dear Sirs! If you notice that your wife has become extremely thoughtful, irritable, and has isolated herself from you with a barrier, worry. At least once in your life, analyze in your head, which is given to you not only for baseball caps, what exactly in your behavior makes your wife unhappy. Why does she feel bad with you? How does she want you to be? Well, at least work hard with your soul a little! After all, for her own sake, otherwise she will leave.

Look around and you will see that many men are happy in marriage, moreover, it has long been established that married men live longer. Unlike women. Unmarried women have a higher life expectancy than those burdened with a husband.

A woman expects a certain behavior from you, dear gentlemen. And I want to warn you right away: a lady can forgive a gentleman everything except weakness. Apart from contempt, your complaints and tears will not cause anything in any woman. Be a man, which means be courageous.

I have already written that there are people who are not prone to cheating. Repeat - take up space on a newspaper sheet. So make the right choice. As, for example, Lev Nikolaevich Tolstoy did this, who, offering Sofya Andreevna his hand and heart, asked her to accept the offer only if her love was true. Sigmund Freud demanded from his bride that he be the most important thing in her life. So, gentlemen, if you have decided to marry, then only to the woman for whom you will be the most important person in the world for the rest of your life. So that your beloved believes in you as much as you are afraid to believe in yourself.

Dear ladies! If you are going to get married, then only to a person who has strong intentions to make you happy. And who understands that before marriage, and after, and at twenty, and at sixty, a woman wants to feel loved. And then we will be happy!

I belong to the small group of “mothers who don’t care.” The child studies, and that’s okay. There is already a gold medal in the house, hanging and collecting dust in a visible place. You still can’t put your brain into your daughters’ heads, so you have to make do with the factory equipment. I come to every meeting with the open soul of a newborn child: the natural questions of other, responsible mothers, such as “how did you solve No. 768 from page 878787 from the Zaslanets-Martsiansky textbook” put me into a stupor. However, I was not spared from the conflict with the teacher. But I was able to solve it with minimal losses. How? I'll tell you about this in my post.

Throughout my pregnancy I was tormented by the thought: how would Ksyushka perceive the appearance of her brother? How to properly neutralize her jealousy, which will definitely happen? How can I distribute my attention, free time, love between two children and my husband? I read all sorts of articles and took into account the experience of mothers with two or more children. I'll tell you what came out of all this.

With such a device you can restore perfect order in your wardrobe. I've been using it for over a year now. I call this device an “ironing” board. With its help it is very easy to fold (as if packaged in a store): shirts, T-shirts, T-shirts, nightgowns. Making such a board is very simple.

In the lives of each of us, one day events occur that greatly change our lives. And I'm no exception. This is what I want to tell others about. It was 2006 then. I was 27 years old. I had been married for 3 years already, but we had no children yet. I worked in a large company as an accountant. I calculated the salaries for the entire company. And the moment came when I was given a very large amount of work.

Why do women cheat

It's no secret that many men do not value their wives at all. Moreover, as time passes, they completely stop paying attention to them. And women want attention and affection. Everything is quite simple.

How does a woman cheat? The psychology of the behavior of an unfaithful wife may not be entirely clear. On the one hand, the lady becomes cold and insensitive towards her husband, but at the same time, the latter will try to hide the betrayal from her chosen one.

What will this behavior lead to? Sooner or later she will admit to cheating, or her husband will figure it out himself.

Why do women start cheating on their spouses? This only happens because of the inattention or bad attitude of men towards their wives.

A woman cheats because she is looking for something better, and a man cheats because he wants to find something new. The difference here is, of course, obvious. Therefore, if a woman feels loved and desired, she will never cheat on her husband. All men should know about this.

Guilty without guilt or how women use infidelity to get out of dead-end situations in life

You know, I often share my personal experiences with my readers and I believe that there is nothing more effective and informative than studying the lived experiences of other people. There was betrayal in my life, however, it also served as another springboard for me to enter new directions in relationships. This is a good example of how a man should not be afraid to express his natural needs openly. I am me, with my cockroaches and peculiarities. With my own advantages and disadvantages, but if these characteristics are not taken into account and I am not valued, then the doors to freedom and new relationships are automatically opened for me. That's all.

I'll tell you. A little bit about yourself. In childhood and adolescence, I was not a particularly cheeky girl. For as long as I can remember, even in adolescence, when it would seem that hormones should be seething, triangles are a common occurrence. However, I didn’t notice such a desire in myself. I had a sports career, my energy flowed in the right direction. A reasonable model of behavior took hold and in adulthood, at a conscious age, I had no inclinations to “go to the left.” The betrayal happened somehow by accident, I was in a stable serious relationship, but this did not stop me from cheating on my common-law husband. Later, I ran away from him. She ran away from her own wedding. Now, after a while, I understand why this happened, it’s easier for a woman to cheat even in a serious relationship if SHE DOESN’T LOVE.

I didn’t have feelings for my husband, but the old Soviet system of building relationships on material goods was still in my head, but in the end that didn’t hold me back either. Over time, I realized that without feelings I cannot allow a person to my body, I cannot make love without feelings. Cheating has only happened once in my life, but this experience taught me a lot. That same lack of deep internal connection caused a crack in the relationship. Then everything fell on me: work, everyday demands from my common-law husband. I provide for myself, there is no attention, no gifts, he did not invest money in the general family budget.

I’m tired of asking and walking around with an outstretched hand saying something like: “Well, I’m a woman, I’m a living person, I deserve attention and financial support.” Consequently, respect disappeared. And I decided to admit to treason. I found a rented room, as I remember, for 20,000 rubles a month, paid for it and simply confronted the former civilian with a fait accompli - I was leaving. There are no more relationships. And I added literally a couple of sentences about treason. I felt so fucking free and good. Never regret anything, sometimes current relationships just need to be cut off. Don't delay, live in joy. Don't let anyone undermine your ambitions and self-confidence. By the way, the ex never disappeared. I started giving gifts and flowers again. He invited me somewhere.

How to forgive

In a relationship where cheating has occurred, everything either starts all over again or ends forever. For some very principled people, this is a betrayal. But living with a traitor under the same roof and building a family is very difficult, almost impossible.

In order to continue your relationship with your husband or wife after cheating, you must first forgive your loved one. Yes, for many it is difficult and almost impossible, but it is necessary. Otherwise the relationship will end.

By the way, spouses can live separately for some time in order to feel how important and necessary they are to each other. This is necessary in such a difficult situation. After time has passed, you can think about how to forgive the person. To continue with him or not. After all, as time passes, there will be no more acute resentment, and it is possible that the relationship will improve again.

A person should be given a second chance only if he himself wants it. If a man leaves and does not want to return, then the woman needs to let him go and forget. And the main thing is to forgive and build your life further without him.

Why monogamy has become beneficial

Existence always strongly influences consciousness, and about 10,000 years ago the material side of human life changed radically. It was at this time that agriculture emerged. And, for better or worse, its appearance affected people's sexual relationships.

Before this, our hunter-gatherer ancestors lived in a society where sharing was the key to survival. Today one hunter killed a boar, tomorrow another, and each of them must share the spoils with the tribe: how else can you guarantee that when you get nothing, you will still get a piece?

In order to find new bison and new berry fields, ancient people could walk hundreds of kilometers a month, and personal property in the tribes was reduced to a minimum - in such conditions it is quite difficult to keep track of whose children are where. And what's the difference?

Agriculture fundamentally changed these views. Suddenly it became incredibly important where your cultivated field ended and your neighbor's began in order to pass on private property to your offspring. This idea is perfectly expressed in the 10th commandment: “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s.”

It is no coincidence that the wife ended up on this list somewhere between a house and a donkey: she has become a rather valuable type of property, giving birth (in the case of peasant families) to new workers and, in all cases, heirs to everything that was managed to be raised, collected and accumulated. No one wanted to hand over donkeys and houses to other people's children. This is how this not-so-romantic transition to monogamy took place.

There is another important factor - sexually transmitted diseases. Two scientists, mathematician Chris Bauch and anthropologist Richard McElreath, jointly calculated that in times when people lived in small, polygamous groups, outbreaks of STIs (that is, sexually transmitted infections) did not cause serious harm to the population.

But with the beginning of settled life, the communities of people living in the neighborhood grew in size. This is where STIs began to cause real epidemics if neighbors lived according to the principles of polygamy. The ability to bear children in such communities was naturally reduced due to diseases of the reproductive organs, while monogamous groups were able to reproduce more efficiently. When fellow villagers managed to notice the connection between illnesses, deaths and polygamy, monogamous relationships gained additional points in the rating.

More

It is not always possible for a woman to immediately see signs of betrayal in her husband’s behavior. The psychology of relationships between married couples is based on mutual trust, which means that the spouse simply does not want to see and hear the truth that her loved one is unfaithful to her. It is possible that this has its advantages. After all, many men cheat on their women, but at the same time maintain their families, and only a few leave in search of something better, and then return back. A lot depends on the wisdom and patience of a woman.