Physiology and love
Among representatives of the animal world, the need to leave behind viable offspring is genetically determined. There is an opinion that male polygamy comes from there, from antiquity.
Male love first flares up at the hormonal level and only then develops into warm affection. Sometimes she disappears without a trace after defeating the object of desire.
Women's character is different. She is the owner and does not intend to share with anyone. At the same time, a psychological connection arises much faster, so parting with a partner turns into a tragedy.
Another reason for male infidelity lies in the difference in temperament. Some live by the novelty of impressions, including sexual ones, which give them internal energy for achievements.
Genetic causes of male infidelity
According to scientists' research, the centers responsible for attraction, desire and moral attachment work autonomously. At the same time, some people tend to change partners for pleasure more often than others. From a scientific point of view, this is explained by the activation of the dopamine D4 receptor in the body.
The second is the work of instincts. They require variety to increase the likelihood of conceiving an heir. The most interesting thing is that in the process of evolution, men and women have developed different requirements for procreation. If “more” dominates in the stronger sex, then “better” is more important for the fair sex.
Psychological comfort for men and women
A man has a mistress if some of these needs are not satisfied. At the same time, it is important to understand that the degree of expression of different needs in different people is very individual: for some, sex once a week is enough, while for others, 8 times a day are needed. For some, respect is simply a polite relationship without rudeness, but for others, if his wife doesn’t clean his shoes, it means she doesn’t respect him. For some, the need for children is quite abstract - “well, someday later” or “there is one and it’s good” - but for others they need to inseminate everyone, they need a litter. In addition, over time, emphasis inevitably shifts from one need to another.
In fact, more men are satisfied with their marriages than women. Why do you think? They have fewer requirements: life is organized, children are well-groomed, and if something is missing in a relationship with a woman, I will find it outside the house. There is a problem? No problem!
And among women, the majority are dissatisfied with their marriage, because a woman needs more for psychological comfort than a man. As they say, a woman wants a lot from one thing, and a man wants one thing, but from many.
The idea of equality in relationships is a deeply flawed idea, because in a situation of equality only the man feels good. For women, if we want to feel happy, it is important to learn how to adjust relationships to suit ourselves. This does not at all mean “to the detriment of the man.” Just the opposite! Next to a happy woman, a man becomes better and more successful.
The main reasons for husband's cheating: psychology
The standards of the family institution presuppose monogamy and elevate fidelity to the rank of virtue. The upbringing of boys is carried out in the same direction, with the exception of the initially free morals in the parental union. With such attitudes, a reason is not even required; a person follows his desires without recognizing prohibitions. In other cases, there are prerequisites.
- Differences in temperaments. It is often detected during long-term cohabitation.
- Stability and monotony pushes you to search for adventure. Most often, a man returns to the family nest, having received his portion of the happiness hormone.
- Self-affirmation through new intimate contacts is required to increase self-esteem and gain confidence. Alternatively, the reason lies in following stereotypes.
- Falling in love provokes biochemical reactions in the body that are difficult to resist. Usually it rarely develops into a serious feeling, especially if mutual understanding and harmony reign in the family.
Long business trips stand out separately, when a partner is replaced due to physiological necessity and there is resentment towards the spouse, who pushes into the arms of another.
Love, family, betrayal
Creating a family requires joint efforts, and this is not a one-time event. The secret of many happy married couples lies in constant care, the search for compromise and the ability to hear the partner. If such a balance is not found in the first years of life, then you should not be surprised that in the 4th-5th year, affairs will begin. We will have to look for the origins of when and why husbands begin to cheat on their wives in family relationships.
Psychologist Daria Milai
Make an appointment
Another enemy of fidelity is banal boredom. After several years of a quiet life, sexual games do not differ in variety, the partner’s reactions have long been familiar, there is no novelty or drive. Some couples will go the long way, discussing the problem and starting experiments on the personal front. Others dive into the whirlpool of new acquaintances and sensations, not caring about the feelings of their spouse.
An interesting phenomenon is the midlife crisis. It more often overtakes those who follow the beaten path with blinkered eyes. Suddenly a man discovers that almost half of his life is behind him, and he has not seen, known, or tried. In their love affairs, they try to find lost youth, forgetting about a reliable shoulder nearby.
Way of self-affirmation
There are men who vitally need feats in love affairs. New women they will conquer.
As a rule, after conquest they cool down and begin to look for a new object of attention.
This is the predominance of a certain type of human character, with whom it is important for a man to constantly be in a state of flirtation, conquest and not go further.
Such men do not know what to do next with a woman. How to live with her in marriage and what format of relationship to have.
They can start a family, but the desire to conquer other women will remain with them.
At the same time, betrayal can only stop at flirting, at being infatuated with others, I will say, more on a platonic level, but it can also move to the physical level.
How do men explain their infidelity?
Speculations of the fair half of humanity about why men cheat on women most often do not coincide with the opinion of the stronger sex. To understand the situation, you need to listen to both sides. From a male point of view:
- a little romance with an ex-girlfriend will not harm family life;
- light flirting has not been canceled;
- 1-2 meetings on neutral territory cannot be considered a full-fledged betrayal;
- a condom guarantees fidelity to the spouse, the rest does not count;
- necessary for health on frequent business trips;
- the position of a leader obliges.
In addition to the most common ones, there are many other reasons. It is interesting that men are often perplexed in response to a woman’s insult; they sincerely do not understand what happened and what they did wrong.
The woman stopped caring and taking care of herself
Because the husband has already conquered his wife and won her heart. Now there is no one to conquer.
The wife relaxes, and this is what happens to her:
- Years later, the wife stops watching her figure; she is already satisfied with her fat belly.
- Now she doesn't dress as nicely as before, she wears a kitchen robe and has curlers in her hair.
- The sparkle in her eyes, zest and femininity disappeared.
- A woman is no longer attractive.
If all this happens, then it is not surprising that the hot beauty from work replaced the wife in bed.
Of course, a woman does not have to always be beautiful, but she must be conscious and confident, radiate love.
We describe in more detail how a woman can become more confident in herself in the next publication.
Is every man capable of change?
Theoretically, yes. In practice, not everyone needs dubious adventures; many value the stability and feelings of their spouse.
It is useless to re-educate the so-called “womanizers”. They consider it their duty to mark any territory and are promiscuous in their relationships, since for them the main thing is quantity, not quality. At the same time, they love comfort and return to the familiar atmosphere of the family with enviable consistency.
Face-to-face consultation
What are the features and advantages of face-to-face consultation?
Find out more
Skype consultation
What are the features and benefits of Skype consultations?
Find out more
The other category includes weak-willed people who are accustomed to being led. They quickly submit to a woman with a strong character, and things can come to the destruction of the official marriage.
I'm cheating on myself
Interesting! Is it true? How often do we cheat on ourselves? How often do we do what we don’t want, follow others’ lead, block our desires in the name of other people’s “wants” and “shoulds”?
They don't love us because we don't love ourselves. We are betrayed because we betray ourselves.
They don't hear us because we don't hear ourselves. Take a piece of paper and write (preferably with your left hand):
- I cheated on myself in...
- I keep cheating on myself...
- I'm cheating on myself in...
At the end of the letter, ask yourself for forgiveness for your own betrayals. And promise yourself to find a way to avoid them.
Advice for loving wives
Most women are endowed with worldly wisdom, regardless of age. They intuitively feel who will be comfortable with and who will bring a huge load of problems. They will not wonder whether a husband can cheat if he loves his wife, but will try to reduce the risk of third-party affairs to a minimum.
Following a few rules will help preserve the family unit.
- Unconditional love that does not require response or reward is held in high esteem.
- Do not make categorical claims, but try to establish a dialogue and come to a compromise.
- In addition to common interests, you need to have your own, do interesting things and constantly maintain a slight intrigue in communication.
Instead of dull everyday life, you will get a constant desire to understand the inner world and interests of your partner, and this is much more exciting than the usual course of events.
Fashion for polygamy
In some circles, infidelity is a trend, an indicator of solidity and prestige to have both a wife and a mistress.
One client told me: “I don’t have the strength for both of them, my wife and I feel good, but the status obliges me.” Between their partners and friends, such men feel insecure without their mistresses.
For them, this is an indicator of wealth - to provide for their family and mistresses. When we choose men of a certain circle as companions, we need to understand that behind their achievements there may be, among other things, complexes.
They “dictated” to follow certain rules. Mistress is one of the rules. So they follow.
Why men cheat but prefer to stay in the family
There is no clear answer why all men cheat on their wives, even if they love them. Sometimes a combination of circumstances and loss of self-control are to blame; in other cases, it is not even possible to get a clear explanation.
A radical break in an established relationship is not beneficial for a man. He does not know what awaits him in an alliance with another woman; the familiar way of life is much nicer than unknown distances.
Passivity and laziness act as a kind of anchors that hold you back from taking decisive steps. The famous “maybe” often works; suddenly everything will work out, and no one will know about the little affair.
Love for children also becomes an important reason to preserve family relationships, as does confidence in the exclusivity of the spouse.
By alcoholic accident
There is one expression that sounds like “saw the night, walked all night until the morning.”
And if men walked all night until the morning with alcohol and surrounded by beautiful women , then a drunk husband by the end of the evening may forget about his wife.
After all, there is an appetizing beauty sitting on it and there is plenty of alcohol around. Then the man cheats because the male gaze sees only girls with a good figure next to him, who also don’t breathe very smoothly towards him.
Because of alcohol, he forgets about the one and only.
He no longer has much control over his speech and actions.
Cheating occurs unconsciously.
This happens both in clubs and at noisy parties, holidays and other drunken places.
Tendency to cheat by zodiac sign
Looking for why guys cheat based only on their date of birth is, at the very least, unreasonable. It happens that two people born on the same day, but with a difference of several hours, will be diametrically opposed in character and habits. But there is a benefit from a personal horoscope; it warns about typical characteristics:
- Aries is harsh in judgment and quick-tempered, but prefers an interesting, strong permanent partner;
- Taurus seeks adventure in his youth, gradually learning the values of a strong family and becoming a faithful husband;
- Geminis are flighty and temperamental, but they will commit infidelity only out of resentment or revenge;
- Leos are regal, courageous and generous, inclined to create a harem, where everyone will feel like a queen, but when they meet the only one, they are ready to be with her all their lives;
- Virgo is restrained and pedantic, which she also demands from her partner; she leaves for another only after systematic disappointment in the object of her adoration;
- Libras are romantics and dreamers, it is important to be on the same wavelength with them and then the storms of life will bypass the family;
- Sagittarius is an extreme person and a connoisseur of freedom, he will be there as long as his wife is able to surprise him, without trying to put him on a short leash;
- Capricorn is practical and unhurried, values material wealth, strives for it and demands the same from his wife; a common goal is necessary;
- Aquarians honestly try to improve their lives and relationships, but if they fail, they abruptly change their partner;
- Pisces are completely given over to love, spiritual unity is more important to them than bodily pleasures, they rarely cheat, being in the grip of their fantasies, they value care.
Signs of male infidelity
In family relationships, trust and respect for personal space and desires are important. But there is no need to turn a blind eye to the obvious if frequent delays at work, incomprehensible disappearances of large sums, or long business trips begin. Signs of accomplished marital betrayal include increased attention to one's appearance, new habits or expressions, and fear of leaving the phone unattended.
Ask a question
There is no need to guess what it means if a husband begins to cheat on his wife, and immediately take the position of a victim. It makes more sense to analyze the latest events of life together without unnecessary emotions and searching for those to blame. When considering the situation, you will find clues to the right course of action. If a marriage has been bursting at the seams for a long time, then a case of infidelity is a reason to think about global changes in marriage. When the incident is one-time and there is a desire to save the family, a wise woman will prefer not to notice the affair.
What to do if your husband is constantly cheating
There are 2 reasonable options.
- If a woman is ready to put up with infidelity, understands that this is the nature of her chosen one and otherwise she is completely satisfied with him, then it is worth saving the family. I recommend talking frankly, saying that his secrets are revealed and developing a plan for a life together where the good name of both is preserved.
- When marriage remains only a stamp in a passport, feelings have faded and there is no reason to live under the same roof, then it is wiser to separate, having gained personal freedom and hope for new happiness.
When you don’t have the strength to figure out the situation on your own, consulting a psychologist will help. Conversation in a calm environment in the presence of a third party often leads to surprising results. For example, it turns out that the reason for the quarrel is a small misunderstanding or misunderstood words are taken as a sign of intercession.
Family consultations help you look at the situation from a different perspective, and you should not neglect this way of preserving your family.
The wife does not want sex or does not satisfy the man in bed2
It happens that a man is simply dissatisfied with his woman in an intimate way. This can be caused by various reasons. There may not be the required level of trust between the spouses and the man cannot realize his most desired fantasies with his wife. Or a woman is too busy taking care of the house, taking care of children or working, and she simply does not have the energy for sex.
Or, over the years of the relationship, the man has ceased to be sexually attractive to her and the wife no longer wants sex. In this case, the man experiences an acute lack of physical intimacy, which leads to a deterioration in his mood and well-being and can cause depression. In this case, he can easily decide to cheat, constantly reminding himself that his wife still does not want or cannot satisfy him.
Andrey, one of the survey participants, told the following story:
“So you ask why men cheat? Most of us simply lack the sex that we get from our spouses. My wife has exactly the same problem and we have discussed it many times. We both know that we need to work on our relationship to make it last as long as possible. But if I am ready to give my all both at work and in bed, then she is not ready. But I enjoy communicating with her, she continues to take care of me, but sex is not going well with us.
What else should I do? Masturbate? I found myself a girl who, apparently, also lacks sex, and we periodically meet just for one night. I don't think it's serious or bad. This is necessary so that I don’t go crazy. And so I return healthy and happy, and my worries due to lack of sex simply do not affect my relationship with my wife and children.”
And how to bring passion back into a relationship when there is no sex with your wife, read on at the link.
How not to give reasons for cheating
There is no panacea for adultery. A few tips will help keep your relationship interesting and new.
- Take care of your appearance, be attractive at home and away.
- Respect the boundaries of personal space, respect the opinion of your partner.
- Develop to share impressions and find new points of contact with your loved one.
- Do not be afraid of experiments in all areas, including cooking and intimate life.
- Restrain emotions in critical situations.
- Create comfort and take care of your husband, corresponding to the image of the keeper of the hearth.
How to get your husband to be faithful to you
Try to keep your husband from infidelity by any means possible so that he doesn’t even have thoughts about cheating:
- Take care of yourself, always be neat and well-groomed;
- Keep your home tidy;
- Prepare home-cooked food. If for dinner every day there are only semi-finished products, few people will like it;
- Support your husband. It is important for him that his wife is not only a good lover, but also a good friend;
- Don’t try to re-educate your husband, it won’t work anyway. Love him for who he is;
- Be a weak woman. A strong and independent woman can make a man feel unwanted and useless;
- Do not control your husband too much, because he, just like you, should have personal space.
