Is a relationship necessary: ​​the concept of a serious relationship, maintenance, breakup, advice from psychologists

• October 29, 2018
• Psychology of relationships
• Lyudmila Frolova

The topic of relationships between a woman and a man is one of the most important. After all, representatives of the opposite sex simply cannot live without each other. This is the structure of our world.

That is why the worst thing in a person’s life is loneliness. It is very scary, difficult and painful if there is no one nearby who you can rely on in difficult situations.

Is a relationship necessary? The answer to this question can be the results of research conducted by specialists. They provide compelling evidence that human relationships are just as important to us as exercise or good nutrition.

Does a person need a relationship? After all, he comes into this world alone and leaves it the same way. But people cannot live without relationships. No matter how self-sufficient a person is, without long-term and strong relationships he will never feel complete. And he simply will have no one to share the joy of his achievements and success with. Is it possible in this case to talk about the meaning of life?

Do people need relationships? Asking a question like this is like asking about the need for food, water or air. And, despite the fact that single people often say that they are quite comfortable without a relationship, their behavior proves the opposite.

Becoming

At the initial stage, the couple usually develops a pleasant and easy relationship. And only over time, perhaps both, or maybe one of the two, begins to desire more. And then a transition to a serious relationship is quite likely. What is meant by this concept? Every couple perceives the seriousness of their relationship differently. So, for some, in this case, sex is an important indicator. For others it means absolutely nothing. Sometimes men literally shower a woman with flowers, compliments and gifts. However, they do not have any long-term plans.

That is why we can say that the seriousness of a relationship cannot be judged by any external signs, because a vigorous display of attention can be just a game.

In what cases can we say that partners are ready for a serious relationship? In order to determine this, you should use the recommendations of psychologists. Experts say that a mature relationship represents a person’s willingness to accept someone with all his shortcomings, his desire to make plans for the future with him and have the inner determination to link his destiny only with this partner. In addition, there must be a commonality of views. It is also necessary to strive to become a support for your loved one in the future.

When building serious relationships, some people try to find security and comfort for themselves, while others value sincerity and trust between a woman and a man. In the case where a couple has a common history, interests and jokes, psychologists give a favorable prognosis. These people are quite capable of creating a good and strong family. The seriousness of the relationship will also be indicated by the person’s desire to introduce the chosen one to friends and relatives. And, of course, to your parents.

Statistics

“More than 50% of American adults are single these days; 31 million people... live alone. <…> …[In] Sweden, Denmark, Norway and Finland - countries[s] with one of the highest standards of living... about 40% of households consist of only one person. <…> ...Worldwide, the number of people living alone has increased sharply - from 153 million in 1996 to 201 million in 2006, that is, in 10 years the number of such people has increased by 33%.”

According to the results of the latest population census, in Russia 40% of the population have single status - they have never been married (registered or so-called civil), widowed or divorced. At the same time, according to a survey by VTsIOM, 79% of Russians do not feel lonely at all, and 54% of respondents are not afraid of the absence of a partner.

Signs of a serious relationship

Sometimes people ask the question: “How do I know if I need this relationship?” Anyone who is trying to determine the seriousness of his partner's intentions should carefully observe his behavior. A certain indicator can be considered the attitude a person will show towards his significant other in the circle of friends and in front of strangers. Sometimes a man or woman prefers to remain at a certain distance or treats their partner with disdain. In this case, you should seriously think about whether you need to continue your relationship with this person. It doesn’t matter what he says in those moments when the couple is alone.

The seriousness of a relationship should also be considered by taking into account the absence or presence of feelings. If love has arisen, then it is accompanied by an indispensable desire to always be near this person. Such a feeling serves as the first step towards a long-term connection.

Does a person need a relationship if he is not loved? Hardly. After all, another criterion of their seriousness is the desire of both parties to be together. Only in this case will both the woman and the man be absolutely confident in the choice they have made.

Is a relationship with a girl necessary if a guy just spends time with her? At the same time, despite the fact that they feel good together, he has no plans to live together. Psychologists say that in this case the young man continues to search for his destiny. The same can happen on the girl’s part. Of course, such relationships can last for years, but this does not mean they are serious.

Another indicator of this criterion is the construction of joint plans. Sometimes there are no common views on the future in already established families. For example, people live for years, but do not have children. The reason for this is not a lack of love for children, but a reluctance to raise them with their significant other. And there may be quite good reasons for this.

Another striking example of a lack of seriousness in a relationship is the reluctance to build a joint home, because this will create responsibilities that will need to be fulfilled together and over a significant period of time. At the same time, the spouses are simply not sure that they will live with each other for so long.

As you can see, the seriousness of a relationship is a fairly broad concept. In many ways, it depends on the qualities and mental state of each of the partners, their moral and ethical principles, as well as their willingness to coexist together not only to satisfy their own needs.

Sign 2: You want revenge

Taking revenge on your ex or anyone else, using for these purposes anyone who does not suspect it, is dishonest and ugly. Firstly, it’s difficult to even call it a relationship. And secondly, this is very disgusting towards a person who may have real feelings for you.

Way out of the situation: the best revenge is success. Achieve success in another area: get a promotion at work, find a more promising job, or become a master of your creativity. At worst, you can go to the gym and get the body of a fashion model in a couple of months of hard work. The object of your revenge, seeing you, will eat his hat out of frustration.

Talk about the future

What to do if there are no signs of seriousness in a relationship? In order to clarify the situation, psychologists advise talking to your partner about your desires. At the same time, it is worth pointing out that the currently existing relationships are not at all sufficient. The guy or girl who started such a conversation should not be afraid to express their wishes and explain their own position.

Is it necessary to maintain the relationship in the future? This will become clear from your partner’s reaction. He may answer that he is simply not ready for more. Sometimes people prefer to laugh it off or move the conversation to another topic. But it is worth keeping in mind that the longer the decision on the need to continue communication with this person is postponed, the faster discontent will accumulate in the soul.

Some people ask the question: “How do I know if I need this relationship?” But at the same time they are afraid to start a conversation with their partner. In this case, psychologists advise writing him a letter. Just take a piece of paper or sit down at the computer and express all your thoughts. You need to write in detail, expressing your feelings and thoughts. You definitely need to tell us about your wishes for the future. Such a letter should be handed to your partner and given the opportunity to read it alone. After some time, you should ask the person what he thinks about what was written, making sure to bring the matter to the end.

Be yourself

If you are currently single and want to take it easy, there are quite a few ways to accept this state of affairs. The first thing to do is to understand that such a decision is not a bad one at all. The main thing is that it must be conscious. If you feel comfortable, then perhaps you should not disturb the established course of things. First of all, be yourself and only then will loneliness or the search for a partner be justified. And perhaps psychology will help with this.

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Break in relationship

Sometimes a couple needs to separate. Of course, this process is very painful. So is a relationship break necessary? Psychologists say yes. After all, sometimes people whose relationships cannot get off the ground simply need to break up. This will allow, for example, to understand that they simply cannot live without each other. Does a man or a woman need a relationship? Each of them will decide for themselves. But in any case, loneliness will allow the partner to understand that he has lost something important in his life or, on the contrary, has gained freedom.

Do you need a break from your relationship? Temporary separation may be necessary when disputes, quarrels and conflicts between partners become more frequent. In this case, a break can save confused people and their sinking feelings.

Is a pause in a relationship necessary if you are dissatisfied with your partner? In this case, a break for a while will put your thoughts in order and allow you to adequately assess the situation.

Sometimes a person complains of boredom, and he has a need to communicate with other people. Is a pause in the relationship necessary in this case? Of course, anyone who is trying to correct the situation, but does not observe any response from their partner, must do so. Breaking up will allow you to realize the error of your own opinion or help your partner recognize and correct existing shortcomings.

Is a relationship with a girl or a guy necessary if it is too controlled? And in this case, it is recommended to take a break, which will allow you to sort out your feelings.

Whether it is necessary to return the relationship after such a pause, everyone must decide for themselves. But in any case, this is just a break for now. Therefore, the couple still has a chance to restore their communication.

Character traits

It all depends on the abilities and character of a particular person. Even children can either assemble construction sets on their own or make sand cakes, or gather in groups and play hide and seek and other similar fun.

The choice between being single or having a strong need for a mate may come down to how well a person can spend time without the company of other people. This is a special skill that not everyone has. Experts say that people who have tried being alone, felt comfortable and know how to satisfy their own psychological needs, are more likely to not feel uncomfortable if their other half is not around.

Relationships and friends

Often the reason for partners' quarrels is the other half's comrades. Do you need friends in a relationship? Or maybe they only provoke the couple’s separation?

The fact that a person has friends is his big advantage. But at the same time, such a circumstance seriously undermines existing love relationships. After all, for example, a guy will have to devote time not to his girlfriend, but to spend it with friends. Quarrels with your soulmate in this case are inevitable. After all, a person shares his opinions, experiences and emotions not with his partner, but with friends.

Is it necessary to sort things out in such cases? If a guy values ​​a girl, then he should introduce her to his friends. This will allow them to come to meetings with their comrades together. Another way out of this situation can be found. So, friends can be given time when the other half has gone to work, left or is busy with other things.

It should be understood that for a future life together, a person needs to maintain a good relationship with his partner. Friends should remain friends. Moreover, they also create their own love affairs, in which only two are present.

Will you improve each other's lives?6

Happiness is what life with a loved one should bring. Will your union remain happy and harmonious when passion fades away? If the happy moments in your shared life are not about physical pleasures, most likely this is true love.

Maintain loving relationships with those who do not oppress you as a person, help you develop, and share your dreams and aspirations. Reveal the best sides in your loved one, and he will reveal them in you. This is the only way to build harmonious relationships and remain a happy person.

When answering each question, try to do it as sincerely as possible. Let go of the fear of not getting the answer you want. If the answers to all questions are against the partner, this indicates temporary feelings that will disappear as quickly as they appeared. Most likely, you are driven by passion, but as soon as it disappears, you will realize that you are waking up with an unloved person.

Just stop for a moment and think. If such relationships give reason to doubt them now, what will happen next?

But if the majority of the answers turned out to be in favor of your partner, love is arising in you, you just don’t understand it yet.

Maintaining Relationships

At the initial stage of dating, a man and a woman are in a certain euphoria. During the candy-bouquet period, the question does not arise at all about whether they need to start a relationship? At this time, each of them tries to show themselves only from the best side, in order to win over the person they like. And this does not mean that people are wearing masks. They only demonstrate their strengths, leaving their weaknesses in the shadows.

But some time passes, and the fact becomes clear that the lover’s heart has already been won. And then people begin to relax and show their entire character. This is often the main cause of quarrels and misunderstandings. Is a serious relationship necessary in this case? There is no need to be afraid of the end of the candy-bouquet period. After all, there are no relationships in which there would be no disagreements. The main thing is that partners can cope with the situation and listen to each other, expressing their own point of view as clearly as possible.

Does a woman need a relationship if her partner did something wrong, failing to guess the thoughts of his other half? You shouldn't blame him for this. Psychologists advise women to talk in more detail about their desires, because it is unlikely that a lady’s lover is a telepath. If disagreements arise on certain issues, each party must first of all speak out on this issue. Quarrels most often arise precisely because of misunderstandings.

Sign 3: You want to make someone jealous or attract attention

“Are you not paying attention to me?
Then I’ll start dating to make you jealous.” Again, a situation that cannot be called completely honest. Think about it: you are going to use another person to get attention. Besides, it’s useless, because if a man doesn’t love you, he won’t be jealous. At worst, he won't care. Way out of the situation: forget this person and mind your own business, as well as self-development. You'll see, over time you won't even need this person.

Finding compromises

How to understand whether a man or a woman needs a relationship if disagreements often arise between partners?

You should not rush to conclusions, since it is quite difficult to meet absolutely identical people. Each of the partners is an adult, already established personality, with their own principles and views. Nevertheless, if they want to have a serious relationship, people should try to find something in common that would suit both of them. And this is very important when making any serious decision. In such matters, the opinions of both sides must be taken into account.

Sign 5: You are looking for benefits

He has not yet had time to approach you, and you have already calculated how much he earns per month and how much interest he is willing to spend on you, you choose what you want to receive from him as a gift.
Starting a relationship out of commercialism is not the case when you need to look for it.

Way out of the situation: a convulsive search for a status male is some kind of unhealthy nonsense. Perhaps you should get rid of it as soon as possible, and this can be done with the help of a psychologist and active self-development.

Accepting your partner for who he is

Does a man or woman need a serious relationship if their partner has any shortcomings? It is worth understanding that everyone has negative sides. And in order to create and maintain a strong relationship, the beloved must be accepted entirely. Psychologists recommend trying to look at your partner’s shortcomings from the other side and try to find something good in them. For example, if a man does not want to eat what a woman likes, she has to prepare dishes separately for him and for herself. Of course, this is not entirely convenient. What to do in this case? A woman should study the properties of her favorite products. Or maybe they harm the body? In this case, you should think about switching to the food that your partner prefers. After all, it turns out that he is not capricious at all, but cares about his health.

Sign 4: You are looking for the “perfect man”

We put this unfortunate “ideal man” in quotation marks because he is not even a real man, but an image created by Instagram, comics and the TV series “Lucifer”.

The “ideal man” is rich, handsome, smart, successful, loves you and only you, does everything you want and the way you want. With the “ideal man” you are like behind a stone wall 24/7, he drops everything for you, is not jealous, your girlfriends do not piss him off and his wardrobe is always perfect.

The “ideal man” will take you to Paris for the weekend, will take care of you like a mother hen, but at the same time he will never become boring and will not lose his charm, because he is always shaved, washed, smells of Armani cologne, and does not eat all sorts of nasty things and, of course, guesses your desires with the help of extrasensory abilities.

Sex with the “ideal man” is amazing, and in the photos it looks so good that all your friends, looking through their Instagram feed, are reaching out to bite their elbows.

Sorry, but you need a robot. People tend to look bad, eat shawarma, dipping it in a bucket of tartar sauce, scratch their buttocks and grumble for no reason, but Prince Charmings do not exist.

Way out of the situation : no one will be as good as the “ideal man”, so all relationships will not be the same for you and will not bring pleasure. Perhaps you should consult a psychologist or think about who you really need?

Try to experiment

Is a relationship necessary if certain problems arise between partners? For example, your significant other constantly forgets to take out the trash. And this begins to irritate and anger. The result of such forgetfulness is a scandal. Psychologists advise using a different method of solving the problem. You should talk to your partner calmly and without raising your tone. It’s good if there is humor in such a conversation. Do not forget that the carrot, as a rule, is more effective than the stick. And this applies to any situation.

Modern singles

The Guy - the nameless hero of the series High Maintenance, which is in its third season on the highly social HBO channel - is an example of a modern loner, or “singleton.” This concept was first used in 2012 by sociologist Eric Kleinenberg, PhD at New York University.

Singletons are residents of big cities who prefer loneliness to fragile family ties and dubious relationships.

The dude, like many other men and women of his generation, leads a busy social life, is successful in his business, is obviously liked by people - and he has no partner.

Series creator and leading man Ben Sinclair says in an interview: "At first we wanted him to feel lonely, and then we thought, hey, what if he's okay?" Numerous studies of the life of singletons confirm that this is so.

“Nowadays, young singles,” writes Kleinenberg, “are actively seeking to “reformat” the idea that their existence is an indicator of a social fiasco into the exact opposite - that it indicates an individual’s originality and success. <…> Investing in yourself is necessary because modern families often break up, work is not stable, and ultimately each of us can only rely on ourselves.”

“I feel quite harmonious in the status of a single person and do not understand people who are trying with all their might to change it. If the right person comes along, that's a different matter. Until then, you need to enjoy life and reveal yourself as coolly as possible, and then you will have something to invest in your children.”

Natasha, 33 years old, urban planner

Today, epithets such as “bachelor”, “old maid”, “divorcee” are used less and less often. Obviously, a man’s marital status does not in any way affect his ability to conceive. But fathers who find themselves in this role without much desire, who cope poorly with it or reject it altogether, tend to suffer from feelings of guilt and risk causing harsh condemnation in society.

“Many people think that I’m simply afraid to take responsibility for a woman and a child, which is why I don’t start a family. But so far I don’t quite understand why I need this. I still have doubts that these changes will make my life better. And of course, I won’t do this because of prejudices about the “correct life” and “manly duty!”

Evgeniy, 42 years old, architect

In a country where more than half of marriages end in divorce, a disdainful attitude towards single people is completely ridiculous and becomes bad manners. Nevertheless, such people continue to experience social pressure. Doctor of Philosophy Bella DePaulo, who herself has been without a partner all her life, in her book talks about discrimination against single people and even introduces a special term - “singlism” (by analogy with “racism” and “sexism”).

There are many manifestations of singlism - from omissions in legislative acts to the usual dismissive manner of communicating with unmarried people.

“Mom is worried about my loneliness. Yes, it affects me. Sometimes I start to get carried away, although I understand that it’s in vain.”

Natalya, 37 years old, director

DePaulo argues that the level of happiness among married people is only slightly higher than that of single people, and after some time it returns to its previous level. Married women are just as susceptible to stress, depression, and just as often feel “abandoned” as those who live without a “second half”: “Single people do not deserve to be treated with disdain and discrimination, such behavior is caused by stereotypes.”

If partners are not nearby

Is a long distance relationship necessary? Today people often ask this question. The fact is that modern life is very dynamic. People leave for other cities and countries, being separated from their loved one for a long time. This happens quite often. For example, a person leaves his city for work or finds his soulmate who lives in another country using the Internet. Is a long distance relationship necessary? Do they have a chance to exist?

Psychologists cannot give a definite answer. After all, such relationships have both positive and negative sides. It is not a good idea to maintain such connections for the following reasons:

1. Social pressure. Having partners at a distance leads to constant questions for those around you. They try to figure out when their lovers will meet, or express uncertainty about their fidelity. Such attempts to get into someone else's soul are often simply unsettling.
2. Feeling lonely. On the one hand, a person is given freedom of action. He can go where he wants and do his favorite thing at any time convenient for him. However, he always comes to all events alone. But you really want to see your loved one next to you and hold his hand!
3. Lack of tactile contact. Lovers who are at a considerable distance from each other lack not only the joys of intimate life, but also ordinary affection. Everyone has to cope with this problem in their own way. As a rule, such couples try to meet more often. In between time spent together, lovers try to throw out their energy in sports or work.
4. Differences in graphs. If a couple lives in different time zones, then one of the partners will have to get less sleep. After all, if it is midday in Moscow, then it is deep night in New York. Sometimes a difference of a couple of hours creates inconvenience if lovers work or study. In this case, you will need to adapt for meetings. For example, take a vacation at the same time. By the way, in this case there is another disadvantage that long-distance relationships have. It involves the need for constant travel and flights.

In addition to the disadvantages, long-distance relationships also have their advantages. What are they?

1. In more communication. It sounds quite strange, but it's true. A woman and a man living together gradually come to the point that all their conversations are limited to exchanging news over dinner. This happens due to the fact that over time, close people only need a glance or a half-word from their other half to understand her thoughts. After all, you don’t need words to realize that your spouse is upset about something. It’s quite simple to calm a loved one down without saying a word. To do this, you just need to go up to him and hug him. But those couples who are at a distance have to express all their feelings in words. That is why they constantly send each other messages and pour out their souls on Skype for hours.
2. In freedom. People who live together have to restrain their selfishness and respect their partner's hobbies. At the same time, sometimes lovers are forced to look for a common hobby, because not everyone loves active recreation or theaters.
3. In the absence of domestic quarrels. People starting to live together have to hear constant reproaches. Your significant other may be dissatisfied with things scattered around the house or the garbage not being taken out. For some partners, the period of such grinding ends happily, while for others, everyday life reduces all feelings to nothing. If lovers live in different cities or countries, then they don’t have to argue about who should wash the dishes today.
4. In trust. Long-distance couples keep feelings of jealousy under control. Otherwise, they simply won’t succeed. In the absence of trust and constant suspicion and reproaches, the relationship will be doomed.
5. In attention to each other. People who are far apart greatly value the time they spend together. When meeting, lovers pay maximum attention to their other half. They prepare surprises for each other and leave work, friends and everyday life in the background. In such a relationship, quarrels over trifles simply do not happen.

Would communication continue without sex?2

“If you can share with your partner not only a horizontal position in bed without clothes, but also simple communication, this can be something serious,” says relationship expert April Masini. If in front of you is someone with whom you want to relax as a family, attend parties, walk in the park on the weekend - this is something more than suspicious love.

Pay attention to the side of the relationship where there is no place for sex. If you enjoy spending time together while dressed, this is a sure sign of deep feelings. If you are attracted to each other only physically, this is the maximum that can be squeezed out of this relationship; nothing serious will come of it. An emotional connection is what will ensure the longevity of the connection.

Parting

Relationships between people are an ambiguous and complex concept. This is why separation is sometimes very painful and unexpected. For those who are frightened by the possibility of a breakup and expect only the worst, psychologists recommend not to be tormented by painful thoughts. You should thoroughly analyze the current situation and determine whether your partner needs the relationship. Perhaps the fears that have come are unfounded.

There are a large number of signs that signal the fading of feelings. The most common of them are:

1. One of the partners takes everything from the relationship, but does not want to give of himself. Love, as a rule, is impossible without sacrifice. If people love each other, then each of them will strive to give their soul mate all the best. And he will do this absolutely free of charge. However, if one of the partners begins to pull the blanket on himself, then such behavior can ultimately lead to separation. A person who finds himself in a disadvantageous position eventually becomes tired of the responsibilities assigned to him and ceases to believe in the sincerity of his other half, feeling offended.
2. Constant negativity and irritation. If one or both spouses are in a consistently bad mood, we can talk about an impending breakup. Moreover, the exact reason for people’s irritation is not realized. Each of them only focuses attention on the shortcomings that the chosen one has, his habits, interests, friends and tastes. A similar phenomenon occurs when the expectations and fantasies of people who, at the initial stage of a relationship, idealized the image of a partner are destroyed. They endowed him with non-existent but desired positive qualities. However, over time, any illusion gradually dissipates, and each spouse sees the essence of his other half. That is why it is so important, already at the initial stage of a relationship, to separate your dreams from the existing reality and accept your partner with all his advantages and disadvantages.
3. Painful quarrels. Absolutely all couples periodically begin to sort things out. However, this can be done in different ways. If, after splashing out negative emotions, spouses stop communicating with each other for a long period, then the likelihood of a breakdown in the relationship between them is very high. Is it necessary to restore the relationship if one of the partners allows himself to make rude remarks about his other half in a public place? It is unlikely that a union can be strong if people are unable to control their negative emotions. Such quarrels humiliate a person and violate his dignity. Scandals in the presence of strangers are mainly aimed at manipulation and suppression of the individual. Sometimes they are arranged on purpose, thereby showing that further relationships are impossible.
4. Lack of care. This phenomenon is also a sign of dying love. Partners always look after each other. They care about the appearance of their loved one and their health. Most men strive to create all the conditions for their beloved to make her happy, giving her the best. Showing care is a need for loving people. If one of them shows coldness in the relationship and does not care what his partner looks like, whether he feels good, etc., then all this indicates the likelihood of separation.
5. Alienation. What does it mean that separation is approaching? For example, while people are together, one of them withdraws into himself. Parting is not far off for those partners who increasingly decide to vacation separately. This is considered a bad sign. However, sometimes such behavior of a partner is caused by problems that have arisen in him, which for certain reasons are difficult for him to tell about. In such situations, you should be tactful, unobtrusively calling your significant other for a frank conversation. If the chosen one really needs help, then he will definitely explain his behavior. If he refuses to communicate, we can talk about his desire to break off the union.
6. Lack of physical contact. People who are in love with each other always want to touch their partner. Such tactile contacts are a classic manifestation of sincere and deep feelings. If a partner avoids this, and even more so refuses intimate life under various pretexts, then this may indicate the fading of his love. But you should be attentive to your significant other, because sometimes a lack of sexual desire is a sign of disturbances in the functioning of the genitourinary, hormonal or immune systems.
7. Lack of joint plans. People who want to be together always dream about the future. If there are no common goals, you should be wary. It is unlikely that anyone needs a relationship in which one of the partners thinks out loud about how he will save money for a new apartment and buy a car, but does not mention his chosen one. All this will confirm that such a person is not yet ready for a serious manifestation of feelings or believes that he has not yet found his true love.
8. Mistrust. Partners who truly love each other are ready to entrust their soulmate with everything they have, even their own lives. If a person is not ready to build a serious relationship, then he is in constant internal tension, mentally preparing for the fact that he will become a victim of betrayal. As a rule, trust leaves a person after deception, betrayal and outbursts of jealousy. Sometimes in a relationship it is absent from the very beginning. This is influenced by negative experiences gained in the past and the fear of experiencing pain again. In this case, the person can make an attempt to restore trust. However, psychologists say that this is not always a reasonable way out of the situation. Sometimes it’s better to just turn around and leave than to live in anticipation of being stabbed in the back.
9. Constant dissatisfaction and complaints. Some people daily complain about their fate, showing dissatisfaction with their partner. At the same time, such couples do not observe any positive changes in communication and in life. This fact should alert you and make you think about whether a relationship that brings complete disappointment is necessary. You can try to find out from your partner what exactly does not suit him. If nothing can be changed, then separation is the only way out of the situation, because our life is pleasant only when people enjoy it.

Advice on how a woman should behave in such a situation

Sooner or later, every woman is faced with a situation in which she doesn’t know what to do if the guy doesn’t want a relationship. There is a famous phrase “you can’t force yourself to be nice,” but is it always applicable to real life? According to psychologists, indeed, without strong emotional attachment and love, relationships are doomed to failure. But is it possible to achieve this love and affection? It is also difficult to answer this question unambiguously. Refusal from a relationship depends on a number of factors, and it is not always due to a lack of feelings. In such a situation, a woman can only wait and fight or survive a bad experience and move on. But regardless of the chosen path, it is recommended to adhere to the following tips:

Decide clearly what you expect from this relationship.

Take a look at your potential man and think about whether you want to be with him, have children and grow old. Perhaps he has habits or character traits that do not suit you. Are you satisfied with his financial condition, does he pay enough attention? You need to answer these questions soberly, putting aside the euphoria of falling in love. If this man is your ideal, then it’s worth fighting for women’s happiness.

Don't be afraid to be alone and grow old alone

Out of desperation, some women may try to tie the knot with guys who don't appreciate it at all. You don’t need to date anyone just to avoid associating yourself or others with a loner, a divorcee, or an abandonment. You always need to know your worth, respect yourself as a person and demand this from your significant other.

Do not live with illusions about a cloudless future

If a man says that he does not want a relationship, then this may be his conscious and informed decision. It is not always possible to achieve his affection, even after spending time together frequently. Perhaps he uses you for personal purposes or physical needs, but does not consider you as a wife or mother of his children. In this case, there is no need to knock on a closed door and fall for any tricks. It is necessary to completely abandon communication and try to forget it.

No quarrels, blackmails or hysterics

This approach will only aggravate the current situation and push the man away even more. The best solution to any situation is a normal conversation. There is no need to hide your true intentions from a guy. If you want a serious relationship, then you need to announce it right away. After all, attempts to play in a free and relaxed relationship ends sadly - the girl wants continuation, but the man does not understand why he should provide it. You won't be able to achieve a serious relationship with hysterics either. You must show your calm and poise, and sometimes even indifference. A guy should not think that you are at his mercy and completely fascinated by him. A woman should be an impregnable fortress for him, which he would like to conquer.

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Life without sex is worse than death

“What scares me most is the lack of sex. That such periods will drag on. But from my own experience, I know: not having sex when you’re alone is not as painful as when you’re married, but you still don’t have sex.”

Sonya, 35 years old, writer

According to Kleinenberg, "living alone offers several benefits: sexual freedom and space to experiment with that freedom, the opportunity to develop, grow, and find true love." At the same time, the statistical data cited by the scientist, as well as the results of other studies, indicate that there are long periods of abstinence in the lives of singletons:

“Middle-aged men who remarry are more likely to be sexually active than those who are divorced but left alone. 57% of men living with a partner... said they had sex once a week or more... compared to 43% of men living without a partner. <…> Single men masturbate twice as often...

For women, the sexual benefits of marriage are even greater.

[Of those who remarried or live with a partner] 54% [have] sex once or more a week. [Whereas among divorced women only 9% were sexually satisfied]. Women's responses to the question of whether they live celibate paint a picture of despair: 17% of newly married and 77% of divorced and unmarried women said they [are not sexually active at all].”

“In the first time after breaking up, the lack of tactile sensations causes me severe physical suffering. It seems that I simply won’t survive: how can it be that I don’t hug and sleep alone? Gradually, the pain subsides and the damage from lack of contact ceases to be destructive. It’s like I’m partially falling asleep, but other functions are working fine.”

Evgeniy, 42 years old, architect

A single person who is depressed by the lack of sex has a lot of opportunities to change the situation - while people connected by family ties are deprived of this privilege.

A study aimed at determining the degree to which singletons are integrated into social life confirms that singletons have more contact with relatives, neighbors and friends than those who are married. “There is every reason to believe that people living alone compensate for their condition with increased social activity, exceeding the activity of those who live together, and in cities where there are many single people, cultural life is vibrant.”

Alone, but not alone

We are constantly surrounded by people. We are taught to think that we ourselves are not capable of making ourselves happy, that for this we definitely need someone else.

“You need to plunge into a state of loneliness, realize it, feel it. It may feel uncomfortable and even distressing at first, but if you listen to yourself, you will find that it is actually much more pleasant than being with the wrong person.”

Sonya, 35 years old, writer

Many of those who have ever lived alone will confirm: there is no state more natural and harmonious if you accept it consciously, without paying attention to public opinion or the obsessive social policy of the state.

"I am the only child in the family. I always had my own room; I was used to being alone since childhood. This state is natural for me. There was a period when I rented apartments with other people - an interesting experience and generally fun. But when I had my own place again, I breathed a sigh of relief.”

In the big city

“Becoming increasingly popular, this phenomenon is changing the “social fabric” and the idea of ​​human relationships, affecting the features of urban planning and economic development,” continues Kleinenberg. And further: “The majority of people living alone are not poor, but, on the contrary, financially independent people.”

Being a singleton is economically beneficial. A person has a lot of time, which he can spend on work, which, with due diligence, will ensure an increase in income.

Moreover, when you are alone, you are responsible for your own expenses.

Coworking spaces, co-living spaces, new formats of public libraries, restaurants with shared tables, at which it is psychologically more comfortable to sit than at the standard “for two” - the life of singles is becoming more and more tailored to their “specific” needs.

Singletons are real game changers in the real estate market. According to Sergei Khmelev, manager of the FlatForma bureau, Moscow continues to be rebuilt under the influence of a new generation of residents. Developers are developing and implementing apartment formats not only for families with children, but also for couples and singles. Some residential complexes offer apartments ranging from 14 m2 for those who come home to spend the night.

The desire for comfort and respect for personal boundaries characteristic of single people helps them organize their lives more effectively.

“I had an ideal relationship format: she has her own house, I have mine. We lived in the same district of Moscow, the journey took 20 minutes. I really liked visiting her, I could always call her to my place or stay at home alone.”

Evgeniy, 42 years old, architect