Psychology of relationships between a man and a woman: stages, weaknesses, books that are useful to read, advice from psychologists

Features of the psychology of men and women

Men and women are so different in nature that they have to constantly balance between reason, feelings, emotionality, logic, rationality, intuition, etc. This is an endless circle of grinding, resentment, rejection and acceptance.
But there are advantages here: opposites tend to complement each other, and this is the whole point of the psychology of relationships in a couple. Unfortunately, harmonious relationships between a man and a woman are very rare. Psychologists note that with each passing decade, it becomes more and more difficult for couples to achieve the desired balance on their own. This happens due to the shift in gender roles, when people, despite the nature of their psychology, are forced to solve problems that are unusual for themselves. But first things first! So, how does the psychology of a man differ from the psychology of a woman?

Male psychology in relationships

If you try to abstractly imagine a couple with their brain, then the man will be assigned the role of the left hemisphere. This half is responsible for specifics, rationality, logic, reason, analytics, consistency, isolation, etc. Men are more stingy with emotions, they are focused on the “here and now” situation, more pragmatic, and independent.

In the psychology of relationships with women, men cannot achieve mutual understanding because they think and perceive the world around them completely differently. When a representative of the stronger sex talks about his problems, he looks for ways to resolve them, while women share about painful issues simply to be listened to, supported, and imbued with her experiences. Therefore, when a man thinks that his companion is asking him to find a solution, in response he receives accusations of insensitivity and emotionlessness. The main feature of guys is to say everything directly, which is why conflicts in the family snowball. Men sincerely do not understand why they should guess the reason for a woman’s offense, but the woman, in turn, is offended: her beloved has become too cold towards her (he has ceased to appreciate, love, understand her). She tries to express her feelings, which makes her chosen one irritated, demanding specifics. Sound familiar?

Now let's look into the depths of male psychology to understand the true essence:

1. It is difficult for a man to talk about his emotional internal state. This is a centuries-old problem, the origins of which come from the psychology of parent-child relationships, where parents teach boys to be strong (be patient), self-possessed (don’t cry), persistent (this is not a problem), stingy with words (you’re not a girl), etc. d.
2. Independence. It constantly seems to a man that his companion is encroaching on his freedom, hence the different perception of reality. This is why guys are afraid of serious relationships, and even when entering into them, they continue to fight for the right to personal time (space, money).
3. A man is a priori a male, this is inherent at the genetic level. He always pays attention to other women, whether you like it or not. That is why it is important for a woman in a relationship to be able to be a lover, wife, housewife, friend, mother. If any link falls out of the chain of needs, there is a chance that a third person will appear.
4. For a man, the key goal is to succeed as a person; his self-esteem depends on this. If he and a woman change roles in the family (this is not just about making money), then the result can be a depressed, apathetic, “dry” partner.
5. Men always abstract themselves from conflicts and showdowns. Quarrels put them into a stupor and give them a feeling of helplessness and hopelessness. Therefore, anticipating a family scandal, they begin to lie, leave, shut down, and get out.

But if everything is so easy and clear, why don’t all couples overcome crises in family relationships? Because female psychology is so different that the union of two opposites can sometimes be compared to the confrontation of natural elements. What is the female psyche like?

Attitude to sex

Physical intimacy is an important component for a guy. The presence of this aspect of life is considered an indispensable attribute of success. Relationships without sex are not perceived as serious or worthy of attention. If there is no physical contact, the man actually considers himself free; for him, this relationship cannot be considered full. Rarely will a guy even consider the possibility of platonic conversations if nothing more interesting follows in the future. The difference between a lover and friendship is colossal.

Opinion on marriage

Many young people view marriage as something that cannot be avoided. This concept differs significantly from the female idea of ​​love relationships. The psychology of men is such that they consider marriage a bond, a kind of prison. They tend to take this step if the feeling for their partner is really deep and great. Only then does falling in love change a guy’s idea of ​​the world and help him understand the power of feelings. Otherwise, there is a high risk of abandoning such actions.

Some, even in adulthood, do not understand what a serious relationship is when there is responsibility to each other.

About the importance of friends

Guys want to communicate with peers - this is not surprising. There is a need to share impressions, which must be realized. Without this, it is impossible to feel confident and learn to defend your point of view. At a young age, it is difficult to do without interaction with peers. For this reason, a girl must come to terms with some manifestations of selfishness. The desire to interact with friends is natural, since this is how a person learns to understand others and realize their true intentions. Accepting responsibility occurs through understanding what is happening.

Women's psychology in relationships

A woman by nature is assigned the role of the right hemisphere, where a whole emotional spectrum is collected: imagination, dreams, intuition, feelings, images, abstraction, unity. Girls in relationships with the opposite sex are destined to be keepers of the home, caring and attentive allies, passionate furies, and reasonable interlocutors. Moreover, a woman would be happy to give herself to her chosen one, but clashes and waves of misunderstanding break all desires to smithereens. Why is this happening?

It is important for a woman to surround her one and only with care, attention, affection, warmth, for them this is natural, this is how love is manifested. This stifles men; they consider it an encroachment on their personal space, for which they are accused of being selfish. Women, tired of fighting for frank family conversations, desired leisure time, endless attention, eventually begin to consider men incapable of building strong relationships, callous, insensitive and cowardly. Family psychologists note that most problems in relationships could be avoided if men were able to show their weaknesses, and women, in turn, were able to perceive their partner more objectively.

What is female psychology in a relationship with a man?

1. A woman needs words. This is regarded as attention, love, encouragement, emotional release. It's simple: “I love you. I appreciate you. You are a wonderful, beautiful woman. I admire your charisma. I love your sense of humor. You are the goddess of culinary excellence." If men knew this secret, they would have lived in harmony long ago.
2. A woman tends to idealize her chosen one. This has been going on since childhood, when all the girls, having read fairy tales about princes, dream of an eternal romantic relationship. You don’t have to sing serenades under the balcony, but flowers, care, knightly zeal to protect, protect, groom and cherish are a must! And when her man shows feelings differently (smacking goodbye, buying groceries instead of flowers), disappointment sets in very quickly. “You don’t love me,” she cries, to which she receives sincere bewilderment.
3. It is important for a woman to be weak, this is their psychology. In a relationship, she must deal with the process: raising children, arranging comfort, cooking, gardening, handicrafts, caring for animals - this is how nature intended. Even though today everything has been transformed and only a few are engaged in needlework, the fact remains: a woman should be the rear, not the head! As soon as the “feminine nature” is infringed, the union collapses.
4. A woman needs to openly express her inner state. If she is limited in this (they ridicule, devalue, brush aside, get angry, irritated), over time this leaves a negative imprint on the relationship in the couple. The companion closes down, becomes clamped, becomes depressed and melancholic.

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Types of relationships between people. Interesting and useful.

During a quarrel, you need to remember that this quarrel should end in friendship.
(Diodorus) We often ask ourselves:
what kind of relationship is more viable, optimal, long-term and suitable for both partners, without causing tension, irritation and, as a result, rejection and cooling towards each other?
Between what types of people? Different personality types perceive, comprehend and transmit information to each other in different ways. They, like receivers, are tuned to different parameters of received signals, their shape and content. Some signals are perceived clearly and positively by them, others are not. Hence the problems of misunderstanding. So what is better: when partners are the same in character and temperament, or do “opposites attract”? Let's see what socionics experts who study the psychological types of people tell us and, remembering their life examples and starting from their life experience, whether we agree or not. 1. Identical relationships
These are relationships of largely similar people who understand each other very well.
Built on trust and empathy, they are good for friendship, but in marriage there can be difficulties due to the inability to help each other solve problems. It is difficult for partners to correctly assess the activities of the other, since they have equally developed strengths and weaknesses. These relationships are active when there are joint affairs, when there is something to learn from a more experienced partner. If there is a lack of new information from the other, the relationship can quickly exhaust itself. Mutual understanding and ease of communication smooth out misunderstandings. Partners are condescending towards each other’s identical shortcomings, and in some cases they manage to look critically not so much at each other as at themselves from the outside. Between identical partners, a relationship develops of complete understanding, but inability to help each other. They look at the world with the same eyes, interpret incoming information in the same way, draw almost the same conclusions, and also face the same problems. Seeing this, each person feels compassion for the other. You want to support your partner, justify them in one way or another, because you feel that in this situation you yourself would have done the same. On the other hand, identical communication quickly becomes boring. Without receiving new information from your partner, you see the futility of such communication. An uninformative partner seems boring and uninteresting. Over time, either neutral or cool relationships are established. This is not surprising, because after the exchange of information it is no longer interesting to discuss it, knowing in advance that you can come to the same conclusions yourself. The exception is if there is a large difference in experience or knowledge. Then there may be great interest and attraction to each other, as there is fast and effective learning - transfer of information. Such a relationship is ideal for a teacher-student pair. Joint work in this case is also effective, since forces are combined in one direction. It should be said about the influence of subtypes on these relationships. With matching subtypes, communication is much more pleasant and easier. With mismatched subtypes, partners look at each other with some distrust. It seems that this person is overzealous, going too far. Identical relationships are of great educational importance, as they allow you to look at yourself from the outside and objectively evaluate your strengths and weaknesses. And looking at yourself from the outside is not always a pleasant thing. Even your own voice, recorded on a tape recorder and then listened to, seems not so, much worse than you imagine. These relationships help develop adequate (correct) self-esteem. 2. Dual relationships
The most comfortable and necessary relationships for a person are in family, friendship, cooperation: where one is weak, the other is strong.
Partners see each other's difficulties, tasks and problems. Mutual assistance is very effective if responsibilities are distributed correctly. This happens naturally and without unnecessary controversy. There is no leader in this relationship. Leadership at each moment passes to the one who better understands the aspects of the situation. Partners willingly respond to each other’s suggestions and requests, constantly providing mutual assistance in difficult situations, both spiritual and material. This is a relaxed, pleasant relationship that never gets boring. Disputes arising from differences in thinking styles are educational in nature and enliven communication. Over time, pleasant relaxation leads to contemplation and focus on each other. This is a relationship of complete psychological complement, they are the most comfortable, there is no need to adapt to each other. Communicating with a dual, a person can remain himself. A natural division of responsibilities occurs, conditioned by nature itself, and the person in such a pair gets the opportunity to do something feasible and interesting for himself. Conflicts rarely arise in dual couples, and if they do, they are resolved quickly and painlessly. The partners fit together like two halves of a torn photograph, together making up one whole. But precisely because mutual understanding is quickly established and there are no internal sources of tension, the dual is not immediately distinguishable from other people. The dual seems too simple and understandable, and therefore not worthy of attention. This is the first position a person can take when meeting a dual. It is more typical of extroverts. The second position is when you say to yourself: he is too good for me, he is unlikely to like me. This position is more typical for an introvert. Both of these positions are found in people who did not have experience of dual communication in childhood. How can you experience the effects of duality? When communicating with a dual, a person does not experience much comfort at first. Everything proceeds normally and does not evoke any emotions. The dual is perceived as a shadow, as something completely natural and therefore meaningless. You perceive how much you needed this person only when you parted with him. A person perceives and experiences the loss of his dual very acutely, and for a long time finds no place for himself. Having gotten used to the dual, having acquired the experience of dualization, you finally begin to realize that its presence calms you down and gives you a feeling of security. With favorable subtypes, this effect is enhanced even more. However, the importance of dual relationships should not be overestimated. This is the norm of relationships for everyday life, for everyday life. Having acquired duality, a person wants more, namely the social significance of his personality, some kind of struggle, deviation from the norm. Within the framework of duality, this goal is not achieved. But without dual security, it is extremely difficult for a person to achieve social recognition. Well, in general, a person cannot do without dualization only in two cases: firstly, when a person’s very life is at stake, that is, for survival in unfavorable conditions of the social environment, and secondly, when a person moves up the social ladder in conditions of intense competition, i.e. for a career. 3. Activation relationships
These relationships are the easiest; communication begins almost immediately.
There are no difficulties in communication, which is a pleasant surprise at first. Partners seem to “warm up” each other and encourage each other’s activity. Such communication, especially with favorable subtypes, is very attractive. Contact is established here faster than with a dual. However, over time, “overheating” occurs, and fatigue appears from a partner who constantly activates you. Partners begin to place increased demands on each other. This leads to useless arguments and mutual disappointment. Everyone still has to solve problems on their own. Emotional and then physical fatigue and fatigue from communication sets in. Periodic rest from each other is necessary. In this case, you need to move away from him. These relationships are good for spending leisure time, when you can relax, relieve a bad mood, or stress. The presence of strangers turns out to be beneficial and helps to distract from misunderstandings. Partners forget grievances quite quickly. Switching attention or taking a break in communication normalizes the relationship. After a while, you again want to experience the effect of activation. Relationships can take on a pulsating character. However, such pleasantness and ease of communication, which you really appreciate on vacation, gives way to problems when partners take on common everyday activities. What hurts is that they start giving each other advice on weak functions, instead of taking these problems upon themselves. However, the benefits of such verbal instructions cannot be denied. The only bad thing is that no matter how much you treat your weak qualities, you still won’t be able to develop them in yourself the way you would like. Another difficulty is that activators transmit information to each other in a completely different form than one would like to hear. To one it seems too vague, fuzzy, and to another, on the contrary, too rough, grounded, shallow. This is explained by the fact that in an activation pair one person is always rational and the other is irrational. However, the content of the information itself suits each other. Activation relationships are not suitable for everyday life, because they do not provide optimal functioning. Their purpose is to communicate on holidays or in general in free time, when you need to relax and not work. Two dual dyads, meeting each other, thanks to the relationship of activation, experience a feeling of pleasant excitement and elation, a “celebratory” atmosphere is created. Too close and prolonged contact depletes activators. It is also difficult to do one thing together because of the unreliability and unpredictability of the partner. Everyone acts as he wants, completely disregarding his partner. In fact, you can never fully rely on each other. The term “activation” in the full sense is suitable for two introverts who really become more active and open together. For two extroverts, it seems to act in the opposite direction: it calms, cools, and introverts this couple. 4. Mirror relationships
These relationships got their name because the words of one are reflected, as in a mirror, in the actions of the other.
What one of the “mirror people” likes to talk about, the other unconsciously realizes through his behavior. However, such implementation is never complete, 100%. The mirror turns out to be distorted, since each person corrects and corrects his actions based on completely different standards of behavior than his partner. For this reason, confusion arises, and sometimes even claims against each other. Everyone strives to correct their partner’s behavior, but such attempts at re-education have no chance of success. There is a lack of warmth in these relationships. Both strive to teach and change the other, to impose their opinion. They are so similar and at the same time different from each other that they both want to eliminate this difference. Usually discussions are peaceful and do not worsen relations. As the distance approaches, irritation may arise due to the inability to convince your partner. Besides, people are too clear to each other to be constantly interesting. Relationships can be effective in discussing and solving problems that both can handle, but if a discussion arises, everyone will remain with their own opinion. On the other hand, if we take into account the purely verbal side of communication, mirror relationships can be called relationships of constructive criticism. The fact is that in a mirror pair, both partners are always either theoreticians or practitioners. Therefore, they will always have common topics for conversation and discussion. Moreover, everyone sees only 50% of the same problem, so it’s always interesting what the “mirror man” thinks about this. As a result of joint work, mutual correction and clarification occurs. Criticism is almost always constructive because it can actually be taken into account. This relationship is well suited to friendships based on shared interests and hobbies. Mirror people are often good friends; they are interested in being together, although their communication lacks complete frankness and warmth. A truly warm atmosphere arises only when the dual of one of them appears, which is necessarily an activator of the other. Subtypes have a rather strong effect on these relationships. If one of them has enhanced rationality, then for the stability of the mirror pair, a partner with enhanced irrationality is needed. Otherwise, they combine much worse, and joint work is difficult due to the large difference in tempo. These relationships are undesirable for family life: the small goals of the partners coincide, but the global, far-reaching goals do not. The ways to achieve the goal are also different. This is based on the same discrepancy between the first-order functions - rationality and irrationality. 5. Business relationships
Such relationships are effective when it is necessary to organize a new business, overcome difficulties, cope with an extreme situation or win a competition.
But these relationships can change if general reasoning or creative debate begins to take precedence over actual action. In such cases, effective mutual assistance will be difficult due to different approaches to the same problem. Despite the fact that partners can correctly assess the results of each other’s work and are able to understand the interlocutor, they try to impose on the other their understanding of the essence of what is happening. Such disputes can later lead to fault-finding and cooling of relations. At the same time, the difference in their worldviews maintains interest in each other. It is possible to search for a compromise, exchange requests and proposals. A shared goal and proactive action greatly improves relationships. 6. Mirage relationships
The comfort of these relationships is relatively good, as long as the partners show attention to each other and mutual sympathy.
Ignoring the views and interests of a partner can lead to conflicts over trifles, which, as a rule, are quickly forgotten. Communication is relaxing or distracting. Disputes are rare and usually end in a compromise solution. Partners strive for moral support and mutual assistance, but a lack of understanding of the motives, goals and actions of the other has an inhibitory effect on their joint activities and sometimes makes it impossible. It is very difficult to choose a course of action that suits both. At times, relationships become good, even warm, when partners relax together or discuss extraneous topics. Differences in views and ineffective mutual assistance are compensated by the pleasant emotional nature of the relationship, when the partner seems not so far from the ideal. 7. Quasi-identical (parallel) relationships
Good relationships for partnership and cooperation, but not very favorable for closer relationships.
There is a desire to understand the partner, help him, give advice. The views and methods of the other are unusual and interesting. This gives rise to a lot of discussions and disagreements, but there is a desire to find a compromise. When getting close, especially when personal interests are involved, even a small quarrel can quickly destroy this relationship. Difficulty in mutual understanding and inability to take into account the interests of the other appear. When working together, the difference in approaches leads to the desire to distance yourself from your partner and do everything your own way. Partners show interest in the same things, but view them from different points of view. Everyone prefers to go their own way, without looking back at the opinions and experiences of the other. Because of this, both feel a certain unreliability of the partner, the ability to quit in difficult times, although these suspicions are usually unfounded. 8. Conflict relationships
The most difficult of relationships.
There is a mutual imposition of one’s own views and approaches to work and a reluctance to accept the life values ​​of the other. This leads to constant suppression of each other. Partners notice each other's slightest flaws, often exaggerating them. They often argue, disagree, do not listen to the other, or do not recognize his arguments. Even jokes and compliments are perceived incorrectly. All this does not contribute to the manifestation of sensitivity, mutual assistance, attention to the needs and interests of others. Over time, tension in relationships due to the ability to aggravate any situation and constant grievances cause a desire to move away. Such relationships are difficult both in personal life and in joint work. At the beginning of acquaintance, when the conflicters are still at a distance, they often sympathize with each other, admire the strengths of the other, and exchange opinions with interest. When moving to more frequent and close contacts, mutual irritation and misunderstanding arise. It is advisable to adhere to established traditions and warn about any changes in advance. Only caring attitude towards each other can save this relationship. 9. Relations of repayment / complete opposite (discussion of opposite opinions)
is a relationship in which it is difficult to achieve complete understanding.
Despite the mutual interest and community of views, partners often argue due to minor contradictions that are inclined to pay too much attention. The protrusion of the shortcomings and the inability to support the initiative of the other, they extinguish its activity in any activity. In the person of such a partner, it is difficult to find tangible support in business, but the exchange of views, requests and suggestions is always interesting. It is better for them to work separately, as they constantly pay attention to the small mistakes of the partner. This is especially unpleasant in the presence of outsiders. Therefore, the third partner violates the unstable balance even more. If personal interest is affected, these relationships may collapse. They are more tolerant at some distance. With closer and more prolonged contact, fatigue and irritation occur due to prolonged disputes. 10. The relationship of the superego (the struggle of opposites)
is the relationship of the rivalry of partners.
Everyone tries to impress the other, to prove his significance or priority to him in something. The difficulty of understanding leads to the loss of a sense of trust and hope that you will be correctly understood. We have to adapt to each other, look for points of contact, but the balance in the relationship comes for a short while. Partners very emotionally perceive each other and can involuntarily cause pain. Sometimes it seems that the other does everything in spite. Mutual irritation can develop into acute conflicts, especially with closer relationships or a clash of personal interests. Mutual deafness is manifested in the absence of proper attention to the interests of another and imposing their point of view. Rest from communication is required, after which the relationship is sometimes restored. At a distance, it can be quite pleasant comradely relations with an interesting exchange of views. Inadequate mutual understanding and lack of support in business over time leads to cooling. 11. Conventional relations
are good relations for joint discussion of common topics, but difficult for more close relationships.
Partners understand the motives of another well and have common goals, but since the approach to solving problems is usually different, they consult each other, trying to find a compromise. If this does not happen, mutual distrust may occur and, as a result, disagreements and conflicts. There is a need for independence and freedom from each other. Due to the heightened vision of the shortcomings of the other, the partners lack the proper tact when evaluating its activities. They can exert emotional pressure on each other, demanding the adoption of the decision that seems to them the only true. A partner’s actions sometimes seem to be deprived of common sense or unpredictable for both. They are contraindicated in routine. New impressions make unexpected discharge of tension into the relationship. In companies, these relations improve because the behavior of a partner in contacts with other people usually like it. 12. Half -dial relations (incomplete addition)
partners are attentive to the difficulties and problems of each other and are responsive to proposals to cooperate. However, in joint work, there is not enough coherence, individualism and stubbornness are manifested. Tips, complaints and requests, as a rule, are perceived correctly and it seems that the partner is ready to execute them, but it does not always suit both. Everyone shows concern primarily about their interests and amenities and only after that creates the necessary comfort for a partner. With their difference in views, they can arouse mutual interest. The partner seems mysterious and unpredictable, it is difficult to understand. This is a romantic relationship in which everyone does not say something. When rapprochement due to the difference in worldviews and frequent disputes, fatigue occurs from communication, but reconciliation occurs quite quickly, as soon as the partners rest from each other.

There are two types of the most complex, asymmetrical relationships in which equality of positions is impossible.
These are relationships that drive progress in society, but create, thanks to increased energy and information exchange, unnecessary tension in personal life.
These include relations of social order and social audit. Therefore, we will simultaneously consider two types of relationships, united by a common name, but ambiguous in essence. In the relationship of social order, this is the relationship between the transmitter of the order (customer) and the receiver of the order (executor), and vice versa, the executor of the order with the customer. In the relationship of social audit - the relationship of the auditor (controller) with the audited (controlled) and the audited (controlled) with the auditor (controller). Let us consider these dual relationships, which can reach a short-term unstable balance during mutual maneuvering, in more detail. 13-14.
Relationships of social order (contract) The executor of the order (receiver) becomes active in the presence of the customer (transmitter) and tries to help him in something.
He understands his partner’s needs well, but reciprocity occurs only at the beginning of communication. Over time, the harmony in the relationship is disrupted due to the fact that the customer does not accept the contractor’s arguments and tries to impose his point of view on him, even to guide his behavior. At the same time, the performer feels that it is difficult for him to refuse anything to such an authoritative partner. Inequality of positions in the future can lead to disputes and the desire of the performer to move away from his partner. In industrial relations, such a removal allows the order executor to do his job more efficiently, but in his personal life it leads to tension and conflicts. The customer (transmitter) perceives his partner as a person in need of his protection and advice. He is impressed by the desire of the performer (receiver) to understand him and help in difficult situations, but effective help from the customer’s point of view does not work, because he involuntarily underestimates the abilities of his performer or places increased demands on him. The customer can take on part of the responsibilities of the performer, but over time this leads to overwork of the customer, he loses interest in his partner. The customer may feel irritated due to the inability to understand the requirements and claims of the contractor. The latter, in turn, trying to achieve mutual understanding, begins to overdramatize what is happening. It seems to him that the customer does not take into account his interests, he makes attempts to re-educate his partner, but this turns out to be useless, he still does not understand what they want from him. The matter may end in a break in the relationship if the performer does not come to terms with the role of a follower and does not stop finding fault with his partner instead of just trying to help him and do the common thing without further ado. It is business that brings this couple together, then the relationship becomes stimulating and productive. 15-16.
Relationships of social audit (control) This is one of the most complex types of relationships in which equality usually does not exist.
At first, the person being audited (controlled) suffers more from the stubbornness and uncompromisingness of the auditor (controller), who is convinced that he is right. It seems to him that his partner is dissatisfied with him and is trying to re-educate him by imposing his values. In response, the other begins to monitor every mistake of the auditor, proving to him that he is also not without sin. Mutual claims and intransigence can destroy relationships. At best, partners appreciate the other's ability to solve a difficult problem for him. There is understanding in these relationships until the auditor (controller) shows excessive adherence to principles, which hurts the person being audited (supervised). Then he begins to avoid communication with the auditor, or begins to find fault with him in response. To the auditor, the partner seems incomprehensible or deliberately avoiding his responsibilities. There is a desire to help the person being audited, to teach something. However, the partner does not accept the advice and demands of the auditor, thereby causing bewilderment and even irritation of the latter. Showdowns can develop into conflict. At the same time, mutual grievances and claims seem unfounded to the other, and shortcomings seem exaggerated. If the auditor stops re-educating the auditee and shows a tendency to compromise, and the auditee does not delve into the auditor’s shortcomings, these relationships can be stimulating and fruitful. You just need to remember that the auditor sets the tone in these relationships, assigning the partner the role of a follower. The leader must be humane, but the follower must not pretend to be a leader in order to preserve the relationship. The potential possibilities of using socionics both in personal life and in other areas of activity, for example, in medicine, should not be underestimated.
Unfortunately, it remains a mystery to many doctors why, despite successful surgery or treatment, some patients cannot recover for a long time.
And this often happens because next to them in the ward there are people whose communication with them depresses them morally and physically. It is extremely rare for people to be psychologically compatible at all levels of interaction. Even the best of relationships - dual ones - have varying degrees of comfort and often also require correction. Socionics methods allow us to model the development of relationships between people and identify hidden causes of misunderstandings. Any relationship can always be improved if you know and follow the rules of interaction between different personality types. Conventional designations of types of relationships: T
- identical (similar)
D
- dual (complementary opposites)
A
​​- activation (tonic)
Z
- mirror (mutual correction)
De
- business (inducing action)
M
- mirage (relaxing)
Se
- superego (mutual egoism)
Pp
- repayment (extinguishing by opposite opinions)
Kw
- quasi-identical (parallel)
K
- conflict (relationships of misunderstanding)
Po
- related (problematic)
Pd
- semi-dual (incomplete complement)
P
- transmitter of social order (customer)
n
- receiver of social order or contract (performer)
R
- auditor (social controller, educator)
r
- audited (controlled, accountable)
To determine the type of relationship with the person you are interested in , you need to find the conventional letter designation of the type of relationship, which is located in the table at the intersection of the names of your personality type (on the left ) and your partner's personality type (above).

I hope that knowledge of the basics of socionics will help you form more harmonious relationships in society.

Why are relationships needed?

The desire to find your soul mate is primarily driven by the desire to procreate. I want to start a family, give birth and raise children.

Besides this, there are other reasons:

• It’s easier to live together and experience life’s difficulties;
• It’s more joyful to experience pleasant moments together;
• In difficult times you can rely on someone;
• There is someone to care about and someone to turn to for advice;
• To have someone to meet old age with.

The reasons are different for everyone, but, in any case, it is much more difficult to live alone than with a loved one.

Passion

Passion is a strong emotional outburst that takes over a person’s mind, forcing him to follow his own emotions and desires. Passion is a feeling that cannot be controlled.

There is such a term as “passionate love,” but psychologists and philosophers are sure that there is nothing in common between passion and love . Passion makes you desire another person without thinking about anything.

This surge occurs due to the release of adrenaline into the blood, which acts on the human subconscious like a drug.

Important! Relationships built on passion are, in most cases, very short-lived, since this feeling fades away very quickly and is replaced by more mundane emotions, which not all partners are able to withstand.

Types of relationships between the sexes

Having set out to build a strong family union, you should know what kind of relationships exist between representatives of different sexes. These are not necessarily marital or intimate relationships. The diversity of human relationships leads to various forms of interaction - from friendly to professional or spiritual. There are a number of shades and nuances in the relationship between a man and a woman.

Types of relationships between a man and a woman can be as follows:

• friendly relationships - people have recently met or occasionally meet in a common company;
• friendship - they communicate a lot and often, turn to each other for help and support;
• love - the presence of strong feelings and the desire to constantly be near;
• relationship between spouses - partners live together and run a common household;
• spiritual - love and mutual respect, personal development in a couple.

The difference between friendships and friendships is a deeper level of interaction, degree of trust and openness. The strongest union turns out to be in family ties, when partners become family to each other, and the relationship will develop in the future.

Relationships between girls and boys can begin for various reasons: love, awareness, logical choice, etc. In any case, the union should bring joy and pleasure, a feeling of happiness and movement forward. If a couple is focused on development and creation, then they have a bright future. A man is warmed by a woman’s attention and warmth if he provides his partner with protection and takes care of her. Overcoming difficulties, crises and solving problems together will ensure a strong bond.

Working on a relationship means that everyone is willing to invest time and effort into it, openly discuss problems that arise, and look for a solution that satisfies both. Respect, love, the desire to hear and listen to each other is the key to the success of a future or already established family.

Is your relationship healthy?

You undergo extensive training to drive a car and spend years in school to prepare for your career. But there is no expected or necessary learning when it comes to the most important part of our lives - our love relationships.

No one teaches you how to be a good partner and how to maintain a healthy relationship. Most of us jump into relationships like blind fools, confident that love will conquer all.

You were lucky if you had good role models in your parents . But even in this case, your specific relationship has its own nuances, problems and unpleasant situations. Once the initial infatuation wears off in a new relationship, you have few skills to navigate these bumps and keep the connection between you alive and happy.

Over time, the partners find themselves in different corners of the room, frowning at each other from afar. You definitely didn't dream about it when you first laid eyes on him or her, when your heart melted with love.

The relationship itself is a living, breathing substance that you must nurture and care for every day—beyond your own individual needs or frustrations. If you want the signs of a healthy relationship, you both have to work at it. Such concern cannot be done unilaterally, and it cannot be neglected.

What's in this article:

Development of relationships between a man and a woman: psychology

Initially, we learn the rules of building a family by adopting the experiences of loved ones. Usually these are our parents, who cannot always set the correct guideline and vector of relationships.

Development of relationships between a man and a woman, psychology:

• With a high degree of probability we can conclude that if a girl’s father was an alcoholic, then most likely her partner will not be indifferent to alcohol. This is due to the fact that, in fact, the girl has not seen other relationships and does not know other men.
• In her understanding, almost all representatives of the stronger sex are alcoholics and partial to alcohol. Even if a man is not like that, and is absolutely indifferent to alcohol, the girl still perceives him as a potential alcoholic. The man doesn’t like this, he doesn’t want to feel like someone he’s not, and breaks off the relationship.
• Thus, like attracts like. What to do in this case? It is necessary to change your attitude towards the men around you, and not line everyone up in one phalanx, hanging certain clichés and labels.

Family crises and how to avoid them

The relationship between spouses, moving from one stage to another, experiences crises.

The first crisis begins with mutual irritation associated with the partner’s shortcomings and unfulfilled expectations. Overcoming the problem will require time, patience and a commitment to developing relationships.

The second turning point is related to the lack of trust in the couple. This usually leads to the husband's aggression and the wife's secrecy. The more often a man shows anger, the more a woman withdraws into herself. The fair half needs to be able to give explanations to the spouse, and he needs to try to listen.

The next crisis is based on pettiness and stinginess.

Usually a man displays such qualities when he feels that his wife is moving away from him and subconsciously does not want to spend money on her. Against the backdrop of the husband's greed, the wife tends to deceive, which only aggravates the problem. The psychology of family life in solving crisis problems indicates the need for understanding and the ability to sort things out through a calm conversation.

Male behavior is different from female behavior; usually the husband strives for freedom, and the woman wants to be married. Sometimes solving a problem requires an individual approach, but it is impossible to do without taking into account the fundamental rules.

Healthy relationships between a man and a woman: Eastern psychology

According to Eastern psychology, from the point of view of bioenergy, a woman gives, and a man receives. Only in this way are normal relationships possible. Most women may not be satisfied with such an interpretation, since they want to receive something in return and are afraid to say goodbye to their energy.

Healthy relationships between a man and a woman, Eastern psychology:

• A woman at birth is full of sexual energy, which she can give to her family, husband and children. A man, on the contrary, is born empty and needs to be filled by a woman.
• For this to happen, it is necessary for one party to give, and freely. Most scandals and quarrels arise when a woman refuses to fill a man.
• In this case, even a good family man can look for joy on the side. Therefore, according to Eastern esotericists, it is necessary for a woman to provide home comfort, take care of a man, saturating him with sexual energy.

Relationship between wife and husband - stages, types, mistakes

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What should you not do in a relationship with a man?

If women want to save their marriage, they not only have to know how to behave correctly with their loved one, but also understand what they should not do. There are three serious mistakes that can ruin everything. The psychology of relationships between a man and a woman is too subtle a matter. It breaks easily if people consciously or unconsciously do the wrong things or say unnecessary words.

What not to do in a relationship with a man:

1. Saying he's a loser. Constantly remind him of his mistakes. By plunging a person into a feeling of inadequacy, you can forever discourage him from winning. A man will get used to the idea that he is a loser and will stop achieving high goals.
2. Reject help from a man and do everything yourself. If a woman does not ask her partner to help her, she risks being left alone. A man feels useless and leaves for someone who cannot do without his support.
3. Take on the role of a man. In any couple, one person should be strong and the other should be weak. If a woman wants to take a dominant position in a marriage and earn more money, she becomes like a man. The stronger sex does not like a subordinate position. Men want to see weak women next to them who need their care.

A happy family and a strong marriage are the dreams of many couples. The psychology of relationships between a man and a woman is a topic that needs to be studied in detail in order to create a harmonious union. After all, to have a friendly family and a loving partner, love alone is not enough. You need to know psychological rules and techniques that will help two loving hearts make life happy.

What is a relationship?

A relationship is a strong connection between two subjects, which is based on emotional attachment, reciprocity, and awareness of one’s obligations to the partner. A healthy, mutually beneficial, long-lasting and serious relationship is based on 5 components:

• confidence . The opportunity to relax, not wait for a trick, as well as confidence in the person who is nearby, brings you very close. This is why trust is one of the most important parts of a good union;
• respect. The ability to appreciate each other improves any relationship, makes partners feel needed and recognized;
• attention . If people see each other or correspond once a year, then their connection can hardly be called strong and reliable. It is important to spend time with loved ones, create new memories and impressions;
• tolerance. Tolerance for other people's shortcomings, lack of aggression, acceptance of the difference between two personalities help to overcome difficulties and avoid serious conflicts;
• sincerity _ Lying undermines trust and respect, suppresses the desire to give attention to the deceiver and treat him with tolerance. This is what makes openness and honesty so important.

Take the compatibility test

If at least one of the parts is ignored, the relationship begins to gradually deteriorate and then collapse. It is also important that such demands are made to both partners. Even if one of them follows absolutely all the rules, and the other forgets about them, problems will still arise, regardless of the efforts of the first.

These 5 components apply not only to friendships or romantic relationships. They apply everywhere, but the degree and understanding of these rules varies. For example, a business partnership also requires trust, honesty, and the other listed elements. The same applies to the interaction between teacher-student, parent-child, buyer-seller, supplier-seller, customer-performer, and any other social roles. Without 5 such details, it is impossible to achieve a common goal, since the meaning of all cooperation is lost.

Psychology of mutual understanding between a man and a woman - 5 main rules

Mature, long-term relationships take a lot of work on both sides. There is a foundation on which happy couples rest. It consists of five simple truths.

My winner

The girl has incredible power to give inspiration and energy. Sincere support can take a relationship to a previously unseen level. It is important for the chosen one that his beloved believes in him, notices even his smallest victories and reminds him of how strong he is. Don't underestimate your importance. One hint that you doubt his idea can make him abandon it.

Be the catalyst for his success. Come up with a few suitable phrases that help increase his testosterone and motivation. The more often you remind him of how smart, strong and charismatic he is, the deeper this thought will sit in his subconscious and the more important you will become to him. A man will always cherish a woman who inspires him to achieve achievements and is his powerful support. Feeling the flow of energy from the girl, he himself will want to become better, to achieve new heights. A certain energy exchange takes place, on which happy relationships are built.

Types of love relationships

5. Compatibility at the level of ambition (solar plexus center)

This center is responsible for satisfaction and ambition. If the spouses are compatible according to this criterion, then in this case the main thing in the life of the couple becomes the achievement of a high social position. An important role in such relationships is played by a person’s emotions and his life activity.

Anyone who wants fame and power looks for his other half in elite companies, at closed parties, at business meetings. People who seek such compatibility end up with a complete sense of peace. A woman is looking for a man who can protect her and provide her with a high standard of living.

She believes that if her chosen one has a high position in society, he has an apartment and a car, then this means that she loves him and can marry him. It is worth noting that she sincerely thinks so, this is her idea of ​​love. Such spouses live in harmony as long as they have something to strive for materially.

What destroys relationships?

Now on TV screens and in any advertisement you can hear about how to build happy relationships. In fact, the main goal of such videos is to sell more of your own products. Therefore, the family model that is shown on television does not always correspond to ideals. Most often, such models are simply imposed on family people.

What destroys relationships:

1. Total family budget. As the experience of many families shows, the family may not have a common budget at all. The fact is that each family member must have their own finances in order to purchase gifts and allow themselves to buy some new things, even if not very expensive ones. It is best to build a family budget in shares and contributions. Each family member invests his own money to cover certain types of necessary services and purchases. These include paying for utilities, a basket of groceries, in order to prepare food. We can discuss a few more categories in which family members should invest money. Part of the money remains with each participant and partner.
2. From TV screens we can see that a strong, good family is one that spends all its time together. It doesn't actually work. You can fill your time with each other only in the initial stages. Usually, when people meet, they are interesting because they are independent and very unique. This is what allows people to get to know each other, and every day is full of surprises. When people live together for a long period of time, the novelty goes away and everyday life appears. To prevent it from becoming monotonous and boring, it is necessary to dilute it. To do this, it is necessary that everyone has their own personal space and time that they can spend at their own discretion.
3. Lack of self-development. People stop being interesting to each other if they are not interesting to themselves. A person can be interested in the opposite sex only if he constantly develops.

Family psychology - husband and wife

Family life is a complicated thing. The relationship between wife and husband - who doesn’t care about this topic?

Different things happen in the lives of spouses. Even in the most ideal relationships, quarrels and misunderstandings occur. What should those whose relationships have cooled, and whose families often have quarrels and scandals, do?

You can improve the relationship between husband and wife by following some simple rules. What are these rules?

Respect each other

Support the opinion and position of your significant other. Even if you are very irritated, do not stoop to insults. Respect is not a raised voice, but a calm, trusting dialogue with each other.

Learn to be grateful

Try to thank your partner even for small things. Say kind words to him for any useful endeavors. This is not difficult for you, but it is extremely important for improving relationships.

Know how to make concessions

Don’t assume that if you gave in to your partner, it means you showed weakness. On the contrary, in his eyes you look strong and noble.

In order for mutual understanding to reign in the family, sometimes you have to give up some of your habits.

Don't skimp on showing your feelings

Gentle hugs and touches, fleeting kisses, kind words - all this only helps to strengthen good relationships.

If the relationship has become cool, do not skimp on warmth and affection.

Don't wash dirty linen in public

The psychology of good relationships is that you need to be able to keep family secrets. Don't spread left and right about what's going on in your family. You can quarrel, make peace, and it concerns only the two of you.

Know how to forgive

If you keep grudges in your soul, then your relationship will never become close.

All children should be treated equally

There is no need to single out one person more than others. Love should be given to children equally.

Find time to socialize

Even if you are tired and don’t have the energy to talk, just sit silently next to each other, holding hands or cuddling together.

Give gifts

And you don't need a reason for this. Let it be a cute little thing or just a flower - it’s still nice to receive gifts. This way you show your warm attitude towards your soul mate.

How understanding is born in dialogue: he and she

When starting a dialogue, a girl often encounters male misunderstanding. Men are pragmatic; they prefer to express their love and affection not with words, but with gestures and actions in everyday life.

You need to understand that society teaches representatives of the stronger sex to hide their feelings and not talk about them. Everyone wants to see a man strong, in control of his emotions in any circumstances. This leaves an imprint on the man’s personality, his manner of conversation and communication. He was so used to hiding his own feelings that he forgot about their existence in the woman he loved.

A man cannot trust and open up, because he considers it his duty to hide his feelings. A woman is given a great opportunity to show intuition and the ability to compromise. She must understand this property of male nature, brought up by society.

It is a woman who can and should take the first step towards creating a serious relationship - learning to communicate in confidence together.

From now on, you must set yourself a goal: to fully and completely understand your partner, especially to understand his differences from you.

This is the key to a serious relationship, the foundation for creating a family. You need to be aware that what is done for her is done for the other half, for the general happiness of the couple.

Relationships between husband and wife in the family

The family begins from the moment of marriage. The foundation of marriage is considered to be love and sexual attraction to a specific person. Over the years, feelings are wasted and the content of life is work, fulfilling a couple of necessary duties, responsibility, joys and difficulties.

A harmonious family will not arise on its own. It requires mutual respect. And if this is not the case, then quarrels, squabbles, and dissatisfaction with each other begin in the family, which ultimately can lead to divorce. We must learn to live in marriage. If you don’t learn to be smart, your new marriage will turn out the same way as the first.

Men often lack diplomacy when solving family problems, so they provide this opportunity to women. A woman's way of thinking allows us to better navigate raising children.

A serious drawback of men is their temper. Men should often learn to manage their feelings, because this deficiency causes suffering to themselves and their loved ones. Women's feelings are less stormy and passionate than men's, but deeper and more permanent. The emotional atmosphere in the house depends on the wife.

Formula for ideal relationships and scientific approach

Hans-Werner Bjerhoff, a well-known and respected doctor from the Ruhr University in Germany, stated that he was able to derive a formula for ideal relationships. He claims that every harsh remark must be compensated with at least five compliments. It turns out that compliments make relationships stronger and more durable, and also do not allow love to fade away.

Bierhoff says, “Everyone feels great when they receive compliments, which means they feel happier.”

Elk Rokhman helped the doctor conduct the survey. He interviewed approximately one thousand couples in love.

German scientists also talk about problems that can lead to separation. The most dangerous among them is job loss, betrayal, and illness. All this can lead to the destruction of the fragile balance in the relationship, and then to separation.

Different ideals

From early childhood, absolutely every person develops an ideal image of their soulmate. Often this image is borrowed from one’s family, if harmony, mutual understanding, respect and love reigned there. Many men dream that their wife will cook as deliciously as their mother, so that she will give all her warmth only to him. But it also happens that, for example, women want to choose a gentle, kind man, because their father was extremely aggressive.

Also, as each person grows up, he has his own needs, which he wants and strives to realize in his family. To identify them, it is enough to ask yourself the following questions: “Why do I need a family? What will I get from this relationship?

Strong relationships will only exist in a family where the ideal ideas and needs of the spouses coincide.

Types of men in relationships

The following classifications have been identified. For example, the classification of compatibility among the male sex: man-father, man-man, man-son. And among women there is also a very similar classification: woman-mother, woman-woman, woman-daughter.

1. Male father. He always strives to be the head of the family and wants his authority to be recognized by all family members without exception. He wants to keep everything under his strict control, take care of all family members and be responsible for them. The most suitable woman for him would be a daughter. She is the one who does not seek to be responsible for anyone; she needs a strong man who can protect her from all troubles. She may also be somewhat dependent on him, compensating for this by the fact that she is completely protected next to him.
2. Man-man. For a man, the experience of his chosen one, her strength and capabilities are very important. He also really expects someone to take care of him and look after him. Often his woman must take responsibility for making important decisions. The most suitable woman for him will be a mother, because she has a huge potential for care and energy. She strives to give, share her accumulated experience and be extremely active.
3. Man-son. A typical “eternal child” is an infantile goof with his head in the clouds. The man-son is charming, fun to be with, he is the soul of everyone. At the same time, he is almost unable to provide himself with a tolerable existence on his own: he does not stay in any job for a long time (it’s boring and the boss is certainly an idiot, but of course), he prefers to live with his parents or in a rented apartment in the company of the same goofballs.

Harmonious relationships

Harmonious relationships are relationships in which partners remain themselves. Such a union is filled with trust, calmness, and understanding .

Sometimes, when they look at a harmonious couple, they say that they are similar, like brother and sister. This concerns not external similarity, but internal similarity.

Partners understand each other perfectly, have similar views and interests (but at the same time each has their own individual hobbies), in the event of a conflict, they do not develop it even further, but try to find a compromise and solve the problem without a fight.

In a harmonious relationship, partners put the interests of their significant other above their own , but thanks to the participation of two lovers, there is no strong difference in this regard.

What is psychological comfort?

A person is essentially an egoist and first of all takes care of himself. Subconsciously, everyone is afraid of being used, so they pull the blanket over themselves. And only after understanding and realizing that love is, first of all, giving, a person begins to experience comfort and satisfaction from communicating with his soulmate.

Relationship stages

There are also several classifications regarding the stages. But here is the most common one:

1. The stage of falling in love involves a strong passion for the opposite sex. At this time, a person is blinded by the positive qualities of another due to strong attachment. Here only advantages are visible, and there are no disadvantages. This stage can last up to two years.
2. After this, satiety , when the pink veil falls from the eyes, and people begin to show their natural character traits.
3. The most difficult period comes in the era of disgust . A lot of things start to irritate your partner; he often does the wrong thing. From the point of view of relationship psychologists, it is during this difficult period that many couples break up. But if you endure a little somewhere or compromise, show wisdom and flexibility, then you can move to the next stage, avoiding big quarrels and difficult separations.

4. After this stage comes patience : disagreements and quarrels become less and less frequent, and partners are ready to tolerate some moments in their relationship.

5. During a period of respect , partners do pleasant things to each other: deeds, actions, words. But this is not happening at all in order to please him again. This happens because close people do this for each other’s benefit, they want to help their half, they protect him from something.

6. Not everyone reaches this stage of friendship and partnership It is during this period that partners listen and hear each other, and they even enjoy being silent together, giving each other advice, getting carried away with something, striving for something new that is interesting for both.

7. As a result of all the stages described above, as a consequence, a state of love for another is born. This is not a spontaneous phenomenon, not the kind of falling in love that usually happens at the beginning of a relationship. This is painstaking and long work, joint overcoming of obstacles, joint movement and development. But still, there must be an initial interest in the other, a feeling of “your” person. Otherwise, the couple most likely will not reach this stage.

Why can't you build relationships?

Sometimes it happens that a beautiful and smart woman cannot build a relationship with a man.

The reasons can be very different, but the main ones are:

• Bad example of parents. It is very important to understand that all people are different, as well as situations. It is quite possible that your life will be more successful than that of your relatives;
• Demands on men are too high. Give free rein to your feelings, not your mind. Treat men more easily;
• Takes on the male role. You shouldn’t do this and make decisions for men. This scares them away. Be feminine, gentle, defenseless;
• Idealization of a partner. Accept your partner for who he really is. Do not idealize him, do not attribute to him the qualities that you would like to see in him. Otherwise, you will have to be disappointed in him later;
• Self-dislike. Love yourself, be confident, smile more often. Do something you enjoy.

But very often a woman cannot build a relationship with a man because he:

• Womanizer;
• Egoist;
• Gigolo;
• Despot;
• Alcoholic.

If a woman has nevertheless linked her fate with such a person, it is better to end the relationship with him as soon as possible and try to find a worthy match. There is no need to dwell on negative experiences. Live, rejoice and believe that very soon everything will be fine for you.

Final Thoughts

Now you know what the main types of relationships are, and you can determine what type yours are. After all, sometimes it seems to us that we have found “the one” and we think that we can build an ideal relationship. But in the end it turns out quite the opposite. Therefore, learn to determine in advance with whom you want to build a life and what type of relationship you have in order to avoid many problems in the future.

Have you been in most of the above relationships?

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about the author

Julia

Want to know how to achieve your life goal? This blog will help you learn how to apply psychology to your relationships, health and well-being. My goal is to teach my readers how to maximize their effectiveness in life.

Indifference of a man towards a woman

Surely, there is not a girl who has not ever encountered such a problem. Many women regard their partner's indifference as a temporary phenomenon. But this opinion is wrong, because sooner or later these relationships will end, as a rule, at the request of the man.

What are the reasons for this behavior of a man? Every relationship between a man begins with him looking for a sexual partner.

If he likes a woman, he begins to change his attitude and sees in her not only a partner in bed, but a lover with whom he strives to build a relationship.

Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Very often a man finds a woman who is ideal for intimacy, but he doesn’t want anything more with her. Therefore, such a man does not strive to do anything to develop the relationship.

Of course, such behavior worries a woman very much, but she simply comes up with a thousand reasons to justify her partner. Should not be doing that.

If a man does not immediately strive to build a relationship, he will not do so further. Often a man himself cannot even understand why this woman does not suit him.

Psychologists unanimously say that you shouldn’t even try to tie a man to you who doesn’t want it. After all, it is unlikely that a woman will succeed, and even if she succeeds, the man will still leave her soon.

Every woman should know exactly what to look for in her partner’s behavior in order to understand that he has lost interest in her.

Such signs include the following little things:

• rare calls due to constant employment;
• indifference and lack of interest in your gifts;
• discussion with friends about intimacy with you;
• his absence in those moments when he knows for sure that there will be no intimacy;
• reluctance to introduce you to his family;
• open flirting with other females;
• lack of psychological intimacy and conversations;
• rejection of any of your requests.

Despite all of the above, every couple should understand that these are just general principles. After all, every couple is individual and special. Accordingly, in order to build a relationship with a partner, you need to try to find mutual understanding.

Relationships in numbers

The ability to build healthy relationships is an important skill that, unfortunately, not everyone has mastered. According to sociologists, from 40 to 50% of US marriages end in divorce [Insider, 2021]. In Russia in June 2021, 45.8 thousand divorces were registered, which is almost 2.5 times more than in May of the same year [Izvestia, 2020].

The lowest percentage of divorces is observed in the republics of the North Caucasus: Ingushetia and Chechnya (0.6%), Dagestan (1.1%) and North Ossetia (1.7%), as well as in Tuva (1.6%). The leaders in the number of divorces were the Altai Republic (4.3%), Yamalo-Nenets Autonomous Okrug (4.2%), Kaliningrad (4.2%), Amur and Magadan regions (4.1%) [Izvestia, 2020].

According to the head of the laboratory of quantitative methods for studying regional development at the Russian Economic University. G.V. Plekhanov Elena Egorova, the institution of family has been undergoing changes in recent decades. “There is no longer that value, and often couples break up even without any attempts to improve the relationship or maintain it. Therefore, the divorce rate is high, and then remarriage occurs, which will also be counted,” explains the expert [Izvestia, 2020].

Building new relationships is a complex process that requires great effort and resources on both sides. It is worth noting that the absence of divorces may not always indicate happiness and harmony in married couples. So, for example, the low coefficient in the republics of the North Caucasus can easily be explained by national characteristics, namely the aversion to divorce at the mental and cultural levels.

Between January and June 2021, 220.7 thousand cases of divorce proceedings were registered in Russia, which is 34.7% less than in the first six months of the previous year [RBC, 2020]. However, sociologists believe that this is primarily due to the introduction of self-isolation caused by the new coronavirus infection.

Tips to help maintain feelings for a long time

Falling in love is a feeling that needs protection. Not everyone manages to preserve it for many years. Too many circumstances interfere with a person's life. They can have a serious negative impact. It is important to maintain mutual respect. Love also needs to be constantly maintained. Interpersonal conflicts are inevitable if both cannot communicate. The relationship between a guy and a girl can be judged by the following points:

1. Personal boundaries. We must try not to invade the territory of the chosen one. Even if two people live in the same apartment, each needs individual space. To love means to strive to give and demand nothing in return. Respecting the characteristics of your other half will help you get rid of conflicts. Your own territory is the psychological basis of a happy life. You need to accept the interests and hobbies of your chosen one, without trying to change him.
2. Mutual respect. It is necessary to abandon judgment and expressed dissatisfaction. If you pester your partner with moral teachings, it will only push him away and offend him. Accept your other half for who she is. Constant quarrels and scandals do not strengthen relationships. It is better when the union of two loving hearts overcomes any reproaches. Only acceptance, sincere participation and dedication make life together bright and fulfilling.
3. Constant development. Relationships should not stand still, otherwise they will deteriorate and be destroyed. Each partner should strive to improve their character and reconsider their views on life. This will allow you to get closer to understanding how to make your future together comfortable. The obligations of the husband and wife depend on the desire to save the marriage and escape from difficult experiences. The efforts made are worth trying for the sake of the man or woman you love.

Thus, the psychology of relationships between a modern man and a woman is always dedication. You have to learn to listen not only to your own desires, but also to take into account the needs of your partner. Hard work requires patience and the ability to find compromises in a timely manner. Then any decisions will make sense. You can always find a way out of a difficult situation when people in the family show understanding and respect. It’s just important not to focus on the problem, but to try with all your might to solve it.

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Signs of a Healthy Relationship

Any relationship is only as good as the people in it. In a strong union, each partner is a self-sufficient person who makes an equal contribution to its development. If people follow these principles when building relationships, then harmony and mutual understanding will reign in their couples and families.

Successful couples trust each other in all matters, from financial planning and distribution of the family budget to raising children. “When people can trust their spouse to effectively address these issues, the relationship can develop in a healthy way,” says Samantha Saltz, MD, PhD, a board-certified psychiatrist [Insider, 2021].

A 2013 study of married couples found that partners who trust each other are more likely to feel satisfied in their relationship. During the study, trust was measured on three scales: predictability, reliability, and faith in a loved one [International Journal of Research Studies in Psychology, 2013].

Healthy relationships involve balance, where the partners' needs are equally important. The needs of each member of a couple can include many things, including quality time, communication, or intimacy. Such unions are much healthier than codependent unions, when one partner will almost always satisfy his desires, while the other will not.

“It is important that those involved in a relationship have their own identity, independent of their partner,” o [Insider, 2021].

Being alone is good for a person's psychological and emotional health. People need time to relax and be alone. Experts believe that the desire to periodically spend several hours or even days away from a partner is completely normal, as is going on a trip with friends, since it is a sign of trust in a loved one.

Conflict is not a sign of problems in a couple, but the ability to get out of it is very important for building a strong union. "If you've never had disagreements with your partner, it may be a sign that you're ignoring the problems, which could lead to resentment or more disagreement," says Chris Leath, Ph.D., professor at the University of Texas at San Antonio. [Insider, 2021].

It is important to be able to use conflict as an opportunity for growth both as a couple and as an individual. When disagreements do arise, people in healthy relationships should be able to work through them together. Conflict resolution can be a sign of commitment to a relationship. It shows that both partners are willing to stay with each other despite differences and differences in views.

The ability to resolve conflicts is a sign of mutual respect and understanding. Research shows that couples who chose to solve problems together were more likely to be satisfied with their relationships [Social Psychology, 2019]. Many psychologists have noted that conflict that is effectively resolved usually results in increased intimacy and a sense of cooperation and empowerment in couples.

Touch and physical intimacy are critical to healthy relationships because they enable each person to feel closer to their partner and bring pleasure into their daily lives.

For a couple to thrive, it is important that both partners are willing to talk openly about their feelings, experiences and dreams. Clear and direct communication is a sign of a healthy relationship. It suggests that loving people can express their wants and needs in a way that another person can understand. Such communication helps to establish contact with your partner, honestly express your thoughts and resolve any conflicts that may arise.

Studies have shown that couples were more satisfied with their relationships when they used communication skills such as making constructive statements and clarifying the meaning of words spoken [Journal of Psychology in Africa, 2018].

Goals and meaning of relationships

A natural question arises: what goals are pursued when entering into relationships at different stages of life, is there any meaning in them?

You can look at this from different points of view:

1. Everyone does this: they date, get married, give birth and raise children. I will do the same. There are two important criteria here:

• procreation programs;
• possible fear of being misunderstood and not accepted by society.

1. Often, when entering into any relationship, many try to extract some benefit from it without giving much in return. It can be different: material, spiritual. Here we can see a developed ego, a lack of intelligence and experience of normal relationships.
2. Another fear that people try to solve with the help of relationships is remaining alone in adulthood.
3. However, harmonious relationships should be considered the most optimal relationships. In such relationships, people care about each other. They are interesting to each other. Together they can grow, develop, learn from each other, and raise children. Help and support others. But it’s not easy to come to such a relationship; you need to have sufficient motivation, experience, and the need for just such a relationship. Change, compromise, be interesting to others. In general, there is a place to express yourself to the fullest.

5. And yet, does this make sense? And the meaning here is the same as in life itself. It is so inherent in man that he should not be alone. That a man or woman is only half of a whole, therefore they must be together, live as a couple, give birth and raise children, and continue the human race. So that when souls incarnate, they can gain on Earth the experience that they need.

Expert opinion

Polina Moroz

Psychologist

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A man sees a life partner in a woman, so he must be responsible for her choice, have his own goals and ideas about life together. Among the criteria for such a choice are: sexual attraction, attractive appearance, care for a man, an interesting inner world for him, and flexibility in relationships.

Why and why do people need them?

The main goal of any relationship is communication, and it is the basis for the psychological and social development of any individual . We begin to interact with other people from birth.

The first person with whom we establish a strong relationship is our mother. It helps the child live and develop, accept himself and know the love of another.

Later, the mother becomes the main guide to the outside world and helps the individual to socialize. When a person becomes adult and completely independent, he chooses what kind of relationship he needs.

Unfortunately, sometimes people find themselves in unpleasant relationships that they did not choose . V. M. Myasishchev also wrote about this: “An important feature of our society is forcing a person to enter into long-term interaction with other people, even despite a negative attitude towards them.”

For your information! To better understand the role that interpersonal relationships play in a person’s life, we need to understand the consequences of their absence.

If an individual lacks communication with other people, he experiences a feeling that psychologists call emotional hunger , and is divided into 4 types :

• Hunger for stimulation;
• Hunger for recognition;
• Hunger in the absence of quality communication;
• Hunger for recognition.

Now let's look in more detail at how all these types of psychological problems are related to interpersonal relationships.

Hunger for stimulation

This term was introduced by Eric Burn, an American psychologist and founder of transactional analysis. This type of hunger for communication occurs when there is a complete lack of interaction with other people .

If a person voluntarily or forcedly stops seeing and talking with others, after just a few days this leads to negative changes in his psyche. From this we can conclude that relationships with other people are the basis for the mental health of any person .

Hunger for recognition

This type of relationship deficit occurs when a person finds himself in an unfamiliar environment .

By the way! This often happens when starting a new job or moving to another city or country.

It seems like there are people around, but you can’t strike up a relationship with any of them yet, so you feel very lonely, even when you’re among a large crowd of people.

Hunger in the absence of quality communication

In this situation, a person can have a large number of different relationships: friendly, family and even romantic. At the same time, the quality of communication does not meet its internal requirements, which leads to dissatisfaction .

Hunger for recognition

Our professional activities are also an occasion for interpersonal relationships. We want others to recognize us as a master of our craft.

When this does not happen and a person cannot discuss his achievements and failures with someone, this also leads to dissatisfaction and irritability.

Now we can conclude that a person needs relationships to maintain mental health and feel like a full-fledged person . At the same time, it is very important that interpersonal relationships are of high quality and bring a lot of positive emotions. Otherwise, it will not bring proper satisfaction in life.