How to get rid of envy and what are its roots?

Envy is not the most pleasant feeling. It causes suffering not only in the envier, but also, no matter how strange it may seem, irritation in the one who is envied. The situation becomes especially complicated when a person is overcome by black envy. It becomes destructive to mental and, most importantly, physical health. Let us dwell in more detail on the differences between black and white envy, on the reasons that cause this such an unpleasant and destructive feeling, and finally on how to get rid of envy.

What is envy

Envy is a set of negative emotions that arise in a person when seeing someone else's success or well-being. At the same time, an envier may experience a different range of emotions from the very beginning:

1. With white envy, there is a feeling of disappointment in oneself (or, if this is a mild case, dissatisfaction). This motivates a person to work on himself or on some specific area of ​​his life in order to get that cherished thing that he envied.
2. With black envy, the first thing that arises is a feeling of irritation and even hatred towards a more successful person. Most often, no work is done on oneself here. A person is trying not to rise to the level of someone he envied, but to lower a more successful friend/neighbor/acquaintance to his level.

Quite often, envy grows in a person’s heart to such proportions that he begins to commit bad deeds, believing on an unconscious level that this is some kind of revenge for the injustice of the world. A person perceives his repulsive behavior solely as an instrument that restores the balance of justice. At the same time, quite often only the envious person experiences oppression and pain from what is happening.

Trying desperately to maintain external calm, the envious person cannot for a moment get rid of the destructive effects of envy. This feeling occupies all his thoughts, which prevents him from working normally and enjoying life. At the same time, this suffering remains absolutely meaningless, because NO actions are taken to achieve the desired success.

What is this feeling

Envy is manifested by dissatisfaction, which arises against the background of other people's successes, which are unattainable for a given individual. This feeling is not pleasant. A person is forced to experience anger directed at other people and at himself. And this interferes with normal life activities.

Often, feelings of envy arise in people who have been deprived by life. It is difficult to judge such persons, because they have adequate reasons for this. A person who has been deprived of something simply wants to get what he did not have. However, he makes no effort to achieve his goals. He explains this by constant failures.

You need to understand that this feeling slows you down on the path to achieving your goal; with it you will never achieve success. In addition, one must realize that envy does not harm other people, it destroys the one who experiences it. An envious person can throw mud at those she envies. But it won't change her life in any way. Therefore, it is so important to realize your mistakes, reconsider your priorities and understand that you need to take care of your life, make adjustments to it, set goals and achieve them. A person who is busy with work and has a hobby simply does not have time to envy someone.

Some people are sure that the emergence of envy allows them to engage in their own development, thus, the individual challenges himself. Indeed, this feeling allows you to make a big leap and achieve success. But it slows down other people; they are consumed by negative emotions.

Envy white and black

It was mentioned earlier in passing that there is white and black envy. And here I would like to dwell in more detail.

It is generally accepted that envy is always a destructive feeling that needs to be gotten rid of as soon as possible. But in reality this is not always the right position. The nuance lies precisely in the difference between white and black envy.

Envy is a complex feeling. It is based on a whole group of emotions, among which the predominant positions are occupied by negative emotions (not only towards the object of envy, but also towards oneself). There is anger, hatred, resentment, self-hatred, disappointment in one’s life and much more. However, here it is necessary to remember that all this applies to black envy, but there is also white envy.

In order to better understand the difference between these two feelings, we should refer to the term “identity”.

Identity consists of a number of identifications. Identification is, in essence, adopting from your “ideal” the qualities, traits, properties that seem most attractive to you and that you would like to develop in yourself. At the same time, a person does not copy qualities exactly (this is impossible), he, as it were, interprets or imitates these traits, passing them through the prism of his personality

If you realize that it is easy for you to identify with a role model because he is very similar to you or you do not particularly need a specific trait, then that same white envy arises.

But if some obstacles arise during identification, and it begins to seem to you that you will never be able to obtain this or that trait, position, appearance, etc., then black envy is born. This usually happens when the role model is too different from the envious person or the latter has some negative and limiting beliefs of his own.

White envy gives rise to motivation. It does not give rise to destructive evil within the individual as such, it seems to say “I am as cool as him, and therefore I can now ask him how he achieved success, and make an attempt to become even better, using his experience or his tools.” . Even if a person wants something that his friend has, he makes attempts to get it on his own. Such envy has very real prospects - it gives rise to self-improvement, motivation, and success.

In contrast to everything said above, there is black envy. It does not create, but destroys. It does not motivate, but destroys from within. Here a person seeks to deprive his opponent of all benefits, to denigrate him. At the same time, inside the envious person is torn by anger, self-pity, resentment towards everyone and everything. Sometimes, in a fit of such unconscious evil, a person can commit absurd acts, commit minor mischief, put a spoke in his opponent’s wheels, while being completely confident that this is “revenge in the name of goodness and justice.” Black envy has no prospects, since no real actions are taken to become better or more successful. The envious person does not strive to rise to the level of his role model, he strives to bring the latter down to his own level.

Reasons for envy from a psychological point of view

Before we talk about how to get rid of envy, we should consider the causes of envy from a psychological point of view. It must be said right away that not all people have a tendency to envy. Individuals who are confident in themselves and their ideals do not envy (and even their white envy immediately transforms into motivation). Any doubts about yourself, your life, your successes immediately increases the likelihood of this black and destructive feeling arising when you meet a person who will have the qualities or life of your dreams.

From here we can draw a simple conclusion that the main reason for the appearance of envy is lack of confidence in oneself and one’s strengths.

Low self-esteem gives rise to the confidence in people's minds that they will definitely not be able to achieve anything on their own. They believe that in principle there are no people in the world who achieve something on their own - they are helped by the Universe, God, rich parents, beautiful appearance, more successful husbands, wives, etc. For such people, the words “success” and “luck” are synonymous.

There are other factors that influence the occurrence of envy:

1. Lack of material wealth and absolute confidence that a person will never be able to increase material well-being on his own.
2. Low self-esteem, lack of success in your personal life, career, and self-development.
3. Self-deception (a person tries to convince himself that the reasons for his failures lie anywhere, but not in himself).
4. Emotional hunger or relationship failures.
5. Greed, the desire to get everything at once, without making any effort.

Before you begin to fight envy, you should accurately determine the causes of this feeling. Sometimes the true reason may lie so deep that you will not be able to discover it on your own. Here it is worth contacting a specialist.

What to do if they envy you

Every person is surrounded by several envious people. They can be recognized by certain signs.

Signs

1. The world-famous writer Oscar Wilde drew attention to the fact that:

Imitation is a sincere form of flattery

The very first thing that immediately catches your eye is imitation. An envious person, without realizing it, begins to copy your behavior, your style of clothing. Everything that makes him envious, he tries to repeat.

2. Insincere compliments just pour out of the mouth of someone who secretly envies you. However, false words of flattery immediately turn into condemnation as soon as you turn your back. Behind his back, such a person says completely different words, usually not the most pleasant and kind.

3. Envious people spread gossip to downplay your achievements. It becomes easier for them when they talk about you the way they want, at least to hurt you behind your back.

4. Even the smallest mistake or the most harmless mistake causes schadenfreude. Often an envious person does not hide the fact that he is happy about your failures. You recognize his malicious laugh immediately by looking at the smile that he cannot hide.

5. It’s easy to see your envious people when you achieve a certain success. The better it is for you, the worse it will be for those who are not happy with your success. Such people try to distance themselves so as not to be tormented and tormented.

6. For an envious person, everyone else is rivals who must be defeated. They are engaged in an invisible competition.

7. If they try to accuse you of something that you have nothing to do with, know that this is what envious people do. They like to accuse without reason, so that they can then play on the guilt of others.

8. Those envious people are terrible who not only weave intrigues behind your back, but destroy your friendly ties. They are trying to slander you behind your back so that your friends, colleagues and acquaintances will turn away from you. Then it will be easier to fight you.

9. “Friendly” advice from such people will not lead to anything good. By the way, the envious person has “advice” prepared for all occasions.

10. Envious people love to show even small success and multiply it. When you see those who talk a lot about how successful they are, know that you need to stay away from such a person.

How to protect yourself

There is no need to boast about personal achievements, husband or wife, children. Only those closest to you will be happy for you. The rest will be annoyed by your happiness and will not allow them to live in peace.

Don't talk about plans until they come true. Envious people have an “evil” eye, in other words, bad energy that can interfere with the implementation of your plans.

For people who strongly believe in signs: if you notice that people are looking at you enviously, sending negativity, you can carry out a “self-cleaning” procedure at home. The easiest way is water and salt. A pack of regular salt is added to the bath. Then you need to take a salt bath for 10 minutes, you can just lie in it. It is not recommended to stay in the bath for more than the specified time. After this, the salt water is washed off, and with it all the negativity received from the envious person goes away.

Orthodox people advise to forgive envious people from the bottom of their hearts. Then, on a spiritual level, they will receive what they deserve, and you will protect yourself from the consequences of their envy.

You can wear amulets. Today they are not paid attention to, although previously they were given special importance. The following can act as a talisman:

• a pectoral cross consecrated in the church;
• pin;
• any mirror decoration that will reflect envy and return it to the one who sent it;
• a metal object that absorbs a negative message.

Do not neglect simple but effective advice. They will create a defense that no envious person can destroy.

Negative consequences of envy

Envy is recognized in most cultures as a sinful and destructive emotion for a reason. It can push a person to commit terrible acts that will harm not only the object of envy, but also the envious person himself, and innocent people.

Envy destroys not only our mind, but also our body. Negative emotions create obsessiveness, obsessiveness creates depression, and depression creates physical abnormalities.

In advanced cases of black envy, a person has only one thought - to harm someone who unfairly received the benefits intended for the envious person (after all, who else should they have been intended for?). Life loses its colors, turns into an endless pursuit of the enemy and the desire to deprive him of all riches and joys.

Gradually, the envious person’s thinking becomes distorted, and it no longer matters so much to him who exactly to envy. He is constantly looking for new “victims” who “have everything, but he has nothing.”

Such a transformation does not pass without a trace; it entails a number of negative consequences:

• constant suffering, which over time turns into clinical depression;
• deterioration of physical condition;
• loss of taste for life, the ability to enjoy the successes of loved ones;
• destruction of relationships with others and, as a result, loneliness;
• lack of self-development, a person does not receive new knowledge and skills, does not improve, and degrades.

Envy is most often destructive for the envious person himself. Constant negativity, pain and worries cause suffering to the envious person, but not to the object of his envy. Sometimes the latter may not even notice what is happening. Now let’s move on to the most practical and applied part of the article and learn about how to get rid of envy.

How to get rid of envy of people: 10 ways

First, you should decide on the root cause of the destructive feeling. If you think that you cannot do this on your own (self-deception is to blame), then it is better to contact a specialist.

At the stage of diagnosis and treatment, it is important to face the truth. Yes, it can and will be unpleasant, but only recognizing your own weaknesses and carefully working on yourself will help you become better and get rid of vices.

You can get rid of envy using 10 ways. We won’t say that they are simple, since working with one’s own personality is never simple:

1. Focus on your personal successes and strengths . If you can't accept or find your own strengths, then try writing down your greatest strengths and greatest achievements on a piece of paper. Evaluate each quality or event and think about whether it could make someone jealous. Believe me, you will find a lot of things that for others can only be a dream. Keep a diary of achievements, write down all your small and big victories in it.
2. Take responsibility for your successes . The most common cause of envy and other destructive feelings is self-deception. Understand that each person is responsible for his own life. He himself is to blame for his failures and responsible for his success. The circumstances in which you live today are the result of all your actions (even the most insignificant) committed in the past. And if this is so, then you can take a step towards a better life today, now. So stop being jealous of other people's successes, you can do the same and even more.
3. Learn to enjoy the successes of others . Has your friend or relative succeeded in something? So that's good! Learn to see prospects for your own development in this.
4. Self-development is the key to success . Envy is based, first of all, on the inability to recognize that a person deservedly received something good. Denial comes from low self-esteem and lack of confidence in one's own abilities. This means that self-development will help you cope with this. The desire to become better not only gives rise to self-satisfaction, but also leads to success. Finally, start learning English (and do it with pleasure), sign up for dance courses, experiment with cooking, in a word, finally start developing in different directions.
5. Give compliments to others . One of the most working techniques. When someone does something better, praise them. Don’t go to extremes, scattering compliments left and right even for the fact that a person is simply breathing next to you. Praise must be sincere and, most importantly, deserved.
6. Learn to see what is “behind the scenes”. What we mean here is the ability to see the enormous and painstaking work behind momentary success. When a person achieves certain success, for example, in business, envious people do not see the background behind it. They don’t see how a “successful friend” comes home every day after midnight, how he spends time not with his family but on business trips, how he loses everything at the very beginning of his career path, when it seemed that things were about to finally take off. . Sometimes the object of envy would not mind being in your place.
7. No criticism. For many, criticism is not a way to help someone else take an adequate look at this or that matter, but a way to assert themselves at someone else’s expense. It is the latter who mask under criticism the verbal humiliation of successful people, which, as they think, elevates them in their own eyes. There can be no talk of any constructiveness here. So if you do not agree with certain actions of a person, then try to understand why exactly he committed them. Don't criticize him for being more successful than you.
8. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. This point is closely related to the previous two. As soon as you feel envy of another, put yourself in his place. Imagine how his day goes, what he does in the morning, at work, in the evening. This will not only help you understand others better, but also free you from unreasonable envy.
9. World is not fair. Accept it. It is injustice that many justify their own envy. For example, you are sure that your friend’s education and qualifications do not reach what is required. But at the same time he earns more than you. Naturally, it's all about injustice. It’s not that a person gets up every day at five in the morning to get to work, and it’s not that he educates himself, and perhaps not even that he constantly tries to improve his skills, only in the injustice of this world. And, of course, you can't do anything about it. But don't forget that there are millions of people in the world who DO have limited opportunities and therefore cannot receive the same benefits that you have. And yes, this is where the injustice of the world manifests itself. So there is no need to look for a catch in everything; you have the power to do something right now to improve your life at least a little.
10. Think about whether what the object of envy has is really valuable. Sometimes we don’t think about how valuable what a successful person really is. For example, an expensive yacht, a luxury car, a huge house. It seems to you that their owner is infinitely happy. But in fact, for him this is ordinary, there may be many other problems in his life, so, in fact, he is no happier than you. So if you buy yourself the same car tomorrow, your joy will last no more than a week, then everything will become the same routine.

Characteristic manifestations

A single woman may be jealous of her daughter's happiness and do everything to harm her.

1. An envious person is betrayed by the fact that he behaves hypocritically and begins to give compliments to people who are envied. However, if you look closely, it will become noticeable that this behavior is feigned and completely insincere.
2. Such a person will definitely belittle the successes of other people. They will start talking about how they were just lucky or that it happened by chance.
3. He will try with all his might to demonstrate his worth and flaunt his own successes.
4. Will try to imitate a person who is more successful and worthy. The manner of speaking, the style of behavior of the object of envy will be copied on an unconscious level.
5. A person can spread gossip in order to harm someone he envies. After all, that person is too ideal, this needs to be changed, everything must be done so that the object of envy loses its significance in the eyes of others, and is shown in a bad way.

How to get rid of envy: let's summarize

Envy is definitely a destructive feeling. It gradually kills us from the inside, turning our lives into a meaningless pursuit of other people's success. But are other people's values ​​really that important? After all, the main thing is to enjoy your own life. And in order for this to happen, you need to understand how to get rid of envy of people. This is not easy to do, but it is possible.

If you feel that you are not able to cope with the problem on your own, then you should seek help from specialists. On our website you can sign up for a consultation with a psychologist. All specialists presented on the site have the necessary experience and qualifications to help you solve your emotional problems and difficulties.

How to stop being jealous?

In order to avoid getting into trouble and become a magnet for your desires, you need to eradicate the feeling of envy and stop being envious.

But how to do that? - you ask.

Let's turn to the classics.

Joseph Murphy writes:

Learn to bless those around you with a pure heart, sincerely wishing them prosperity and success in all matters, only then can you become happy and feel the blessing of the Lord.

In other words, in order to achieve the desired success, you need to sincerely rejoice in the successes of others. This way you will show the world what exactly you approve of and that you are truly, sincerely happy for those around you and that you wish the same benefits for yourself.

Remember that a person increases what he blesses and invariably loses what he condemns.

Indeed, to increase your success, bless others with success, rejoice in the achievements of others as if they were your own.

On the subject: Positive thinking: how and why does it need to be learned?