People live in different social conditions, wealth and environment. Inevitably, based on the desire to possess the unattainable, such an unpleasant feeling as envy arises. Few people think about how dangerous it is, and even fewer look for ways to get rid of it. It’s a pity, because this emotion is destructive and it affects the individual gradually, gradually through the desire to have everything and immediately undermines trust, the desire for communication, and takes away the joy of life.
In psychology, the definition of what envy is is quite clear. At the same time, quite clear recommendations have been developed on how to recognize it, fight it and defeat it.
What is envy?
If you look at the meaning in Ushakov’s dictionary, then there it is designated as the desire to have what another has. Dahl approached the matter more poetically, defining the emotion as annoyance at someone else's good. In principle, the main meaning is the same - you want what you don’t have. This is accompanied by anger, a thirst for failure in business for the object of envy. This is destructive for the individual, especially since such a manifestation of feelings burns internal energy, which no longer remains for personal achievements. It’s not for nothing that people say “black envy,” indicating a state of mind.
A person exposed to such sensations even changes in appearance and this can be seen by facial expression and the location of facial wrinkles. The smile does not touch the eyes, and the corners of the lips curl into an angry or plaintive grimace while no one sees it. In psychology, this is defined as an inferiority complex that dictates a certain line of behavior. A self-sufficient, self-confident person clearly knows the capabilities of his powers and successfully resists envy.
Are you an envious person?
There is such a sin. But I don’t see anything wrong with envy. Everyone is always jealous of others in some way.
40%
Yes, but I think it's a bad quality. It seems to me that envy is always more bad than good.
40%
No. I have a normal attitude towards everything that others have and their achievements. If necessary, I myself will be no worse.
20%
Voted: 5
Black and white envy
People divide the phenomenon of envy into white and black components.
In fact, even white envy is a bad emotion. But, it is softer compared to its black shades. Contains less negativity and helps you move forward to achieve what you want. The emotional scheme of white envy looks like this: envied, made an effort, received the same. This feeling teaches you to appreciate and respect other people's successes. Pushes “in the back” so that a person goes and repeats other people’s achievements.
Black envy is the desire to destroy the one who caused it. Intrigues, provocations, and contract killings often occurred due to the black envy of one individual towards another.
They envy wealth, beauty, talent, a successful marriage, and health in a black way. A person can only envy what he does not have in reality or simply in his opinion. Two friends can be very beautiful, but one will be jealous of the other because she considers her more attractive.
Envy is powerful aggression directed outward. It leads to hatred, betrayal, and intrigue. An envious person is always more dangerous to society than the one whom he envies.
For information: this negative feeling, along with greed, has existed as long as Homo sapiens has lived on earth.
Aphorism: Envy is when you want it too, even if you don’t want it.
Types of envy
People envy unconsciously. This is the same ancient emotion as fear or hunger. At the same time, a person will experience it even when he is alone. For example, being annoyed that he cannot fly like a bird. In this case, there is no harm from the emotion, since the desire is objectively unattainable. Various mechanical devices for flight are not considered from this perspective. It is much scarier when there is a desired material object that belongs to another. Then envy can prompt you to commit an unseemly act.
Psychologists distinguish several types of envy. Classification allows you to understand in more detail the subtleties inherent in each type.
White and black envy
Many psychologists emphasize that feelings arise spontaneously and can be non-hostile if they stimulate the spirit of competition. Interestingly, people do not perceive envy by its intensity, but rather assign it a certain color.
Black envy is experienced as annoyance, anger at someone who, from the envious point of view, has achieved undeserved success and benefits. On the other hand, there is resentment towards fate due to seeming failures. These are clearly negative feelings that do not push one to achieve accomplishments, but force them to wish bad things on their neighbors according to the principle “I don’t have hay, so let my neighbor’s haystack burn.”
Gray envy is more difficult to recognize; it is perceived as an unconscious feeling of dissatisfaction. There is no hatred in its pure form, but hostility towards the more fortunate is fully manifested. It suppresses, causes depression, and prevents you from enjoying the success of others.
White envy is more likely a comparison of one’s achievements with the results of others. Such a feeling does not carry negativity, pushing us to more active actions. Instead of the desire to take away and harm, the desire to reach the same level appears.
If you are an envious person, describe your envy: is it white or black?
White envy prevails in me. I am sincerely happy for something that other people have, that they achieve, but I cannot say that at the same time I reproach or strive to reproach them. I just want the same.
0%
I am dominated by black envy. It is intertwined with aggression, with a lack of understanding of why not me, why not me, and so on.
20%
I'm not jealous. Never.
40%
Depends on the situation.
40%
Voted: 5
Men's and women's
Psychological reactions of representatives of different sexes to the same event can differ radically. So envy rather has different prerequisites, but feels the same. Everything will depend on the personal qualities of the person, and not on gender.
However, it has been noted that the male version is mainly reminiscent of a competition to see who has better technique or higher resistance to alcohol. There are many reasons, but the essence remains the same. In this case, the reaction is diametrically opposite: try to reach out or wave your hand and forget.
For women, the subject connotation predominates. There is a specific reaction to a new thing, general prosperity, successful employment or a wealthy husband. Envy often goes hand in hand with hatred and the desire to harm. That is why female envy is often more destructive not only for the lady herself, but also for those around her.
Long-term and short-term
Situational envy is short emotional outbursts accompanied by feelings such as frustration, regret, and anger. They disappear when the source of irritation disappears. For example, I envied a friend who acquired a good shade of lipstick, but found peace again when she received the same one as a gift or found a better option.
Another thing is persistent long-term negativity. In this case, it fully reveals its destructive nature and poses a danger, generating internal or external aggression and becoming an inexhaustible source of negative emotions. The result will not be long in coming, manifesting itself in sympathetic disorders and exacerbation of chronic diseases. This, one might say, “cannot be treated” with conventional methods and requires serious psychological correction of behavior. The object of long-term envy can be the status or position that was given to another, as well as the wealth of acquaintances and other fairly constant conditions that will fuel the destructive feeling.
Public and private
Here we are talking about a rather interesting phenomenon. F. Bacon quite clearly characterizes both types, noting that public is associated with one’s position in society, the desire to change it or increase one’s importance in the eyes of others. This is most clearly manifested in the political field, becoming a motive for making certain decisions. It is not customary to hide such envy.
Private concerns a specific person, being his personal matter.
Age characteristics of envy
At different stages of a person’s life, not only aspirations and priorities change, but also the expression of emotions. The intensity of feelings of envy will be approximately the same at 3 years old and at 70 years old, but the objects and manifestations will be radically different. In general terms, this manifests itself as follows:
- up to 6 years - spontaneous and short-term, based on a clearly focused object from the category “I want this car”;
- 7-10 years old - they begin to hide envy, trying to curb the surging emotions, and in this case, the support of adults is important so that the emotion does not develop into pathology;
- 11-17 - all sensations become aggravated, any little thing can cause negativity, while experiences are at the level of tragedy and can lead to tragedy or illegal actions;
- 18-30 - it is at this time that people experience burning, sometimes unbearable envy, associated, in most cases, with self-determination in life, and if an admiration for the world of things and money has formed, then huge problems can arise due to the lack of moral support, sources interpersonal relationships, physical attractiveness, and wealth become.
- after 30 - the intensity of passions can subside or flare up with renewed vigor, depending on the person’s personal qualities.
If you notice a transition from emotion to pathology, then you should try to cope with the negativity on your own or seek help from a specialist.
How does it affect the person who is envied?
What actions does envy prompt?
One or more active envious people can seriously worsen the life of the person they envy.
Consequences of the activities of envious people:
- a person who is envied may develop mental illnesses, especially depression, neurosis, anxiety disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder,
- his self-esteem may deteriorate,
- if depression, which has developed due to the actions of envious people, worsens too much, a person may commit suicide,
- it will be more difficult for him to perform work duties, study,
- his physical health may deteriorate if envious people decide to resort to physical or sexual violence,
- he will feel helplessness, resentment, irritation and other emotions that will negatively affect his well-being and mood.
Is envy a feeling or an emotion?
In psychology, this issue is interpreted ambiguously. At different moments, depending on the situation, envy can be both an emotion and a feeling; there is no clear distinction. You need to look at it depending on the circumstances and, preferably, with a specific example, to determine whether psychological help is needed or whether the person can handle it on his own.
When can envy be an emotion?
If the occurrence is unconscious and does not last long, then most likely it is an emotion. For example, a lady saw a bright, stylish umbrella from a colleague during the rain. She currently has no protection from water jets in her hands. There is envy of the comfort and harmony of the image. As soon as the rain has passed, the object of attention is removed and the negative feeling disappears.
When can envy be a feeling?
When sensations are fully conscious, last a long time and their intensity increases, this is already a feeling. At the same time, it does not spoil the mood, but acts on a larger scale, poisoning the whole life. First of all, damage is caused to the one who envies, but the object of envy can also be harmed, morally or even physically. It is worth considering that this condition is long-term, there is a high risk of transition to pathology, which, in turn, becomes the cause of somatic diseases. It is useless to fight them until behavior correction is carried out with the help of a psychologist.
To correct the situation, it is necessary to get to the bottom of its roots. Most often, the prerequisites are:
- frustration;
- low financial level;
- dissatisfaction with appearance;
- lack of personal achievements;
- psychological trauma in childhood;
- subjectivity and lack of new positive impressions.
In 2009, Japanese scientists found that the same part of the brain is responsible for envy and fixation of pain.
What do you think, is envy a feeling or an emotion?
Feeling. There is no second option. We're talking about a feeling of envy, not an emotional state, right?
60%
Emotion. I see envy primarily as an emotional state.
20%
Depends on the situation and subtext, the context of a specific event or phenomenon.
20%
Voted: 5
The roots of envy are in our hearts
A girl who is completely deprived of hearing and a beautiful voice will envy her friend who sings like a lark. After all, she is the center of attention, a star on the stage, and not a gray mouse.
At the same time, the young singer may feel flawed - unlike her close friend, she only gets C grades in all school subjects.
Intuitively, it seems that there is nothing wrong with envying a little, kindly, in a friendly way. Lick your lips when you see your colleague's new car. Dream about the thin waist of your classmate.
Here, your neighbor has breasts of the fourth size, her own eyelashes, legs from her ears and five gentlemen at the same time - how can you not be envious?
However, even in this case, we are greedy for other people's wealth and dream of exchanging our lot, our destiny with others. But we have been given our own.
Envy in any format is a negative, depressing, hostile feeling.
Even in a snow-white outfit, she makes a person regret what he is deprived of, get angry, and be indignant.
But for some people it becomes the only possible incentive for self-improvement, and therefore can be justified.
Main signs of envy
Recognizing a person gripped by such a feeling is quite simple if you have a little observation. Knowing the signs, you can easily recognize an envious person in your immediate environment. The science of postures, gestures and facial expressions, kinesics, helps to recognize an envious person. It is characterized by:
- frozen unnatural facial expressions;
- refusal to look your interlocutor in the eye;
- stiffness of movements;
- insincerity in statements;
- closed posture, expressed by crossing arms or legs;
- squinting of the eyes, regardless of visual acuity.
This indirectly indicates that the emotions demonstrated are far from true. If you look at the behavior, then for an envious person it is a pleasure to incite conflicts, they often show a negative attitude towards the successes of others, love to gossip and do not like fair competition. Such a person constantly boasts of imaginary achievements and shows high vulnerability to attempts to criticize him.
At the same time, he himself never opens up, does not share his problems, is prone to suicide, and at the slightest threat of open confrontation, he immediately avoids direct confrontation by any means.
Consequences of envy
This feeling does not pass without a trace, literally destroying the psyche and causing quite tangible harm to health. An envious person often suffers:
- neuroses;
- insomnia;
- infantilism;
- hysteria;
- behavioral and emotional disorders;
- passive aggression.
This is exactly the case when negativity literally corrodes from the inside, worsening at the moment of a surge of anger and hatred. Any of the diagnoses requires the help of a psychologist and psychotherapeutic influence on the condition, and in case of severe manifestations of the disorder, drug therapy. Those around you should be wary of symptoms such as secrecy, withdrawal, sudden mood swings, as well as nervousness and causeless aggression. These are harbingers of a future worsening of violations.
Is envy really that dangerous?
If we believe what you write, we can say yes. Extremely.
0%
Of course. I have seen many envious people who do terrible things out of envy.
60%
I don't think so because I've never encountered it.
0%
It seems that more often than not, it is the envious themselves who suffer from it. Let them continue to envy and suffer.
40%
Voted: 5
The danger of envy for the envious person and others
A little humor: Vovochka returns home late. His father meets him at the door. - Well, I was hanging around with women again, drinking, smoking... - Dad, envy is a bad feeling.
You should not think that the envious person himself does not suffer from the feelings that consume him. It happens that it is impossible to throw out your anger at the object of hatred and inequality. Then the person keeps everything to himself. He may become seriously ill from the experience.
An envious person also creates situations where other people may suffer. If one of them turns out to be quite strong and fights back, the envious person will be in trouble.
The people at whom such aggression is directed are at great risk. Out of envy they kill, steal, rob. Because of this feeling, people are set up at work, gossip is spread, and they can be beaten.
Simple jealousy is considered synonymous with envy. These two feelings have one basis - the desire to possess. And where such emotions predominate, there is no place for conscience, pity, or sincerity.
How to get rid of your own envy?
Almost every person has experienced envy, and some have experienced this feeling more than once. At the same time, the majority managed to cope with the negative or transform it into positive motivation. If a person is wondering what to do with his own envy and is not happy with the current situation, then he has every chance to get rid of it.
You need to act step by step.
- Find out the reason . This is not always as easy as it seems, especially if there is unformed dissatisfaction, but the most annoying factor is not visible. When it is found, it is necessary to eliminate it if possible. If it doesn’t work out, then you need to change your attitude towards him.
- Control yourself . It's not easy, but it's necessary. Every day, self-control will become stronger, allowing you to respond in a timely manner to the growing negativity. There are simple and effective ways to do this - drink a glass of water in small sips, go outside for a few minutes, interrupt communication, switch to a positive topic. This is only a small part of the methods to extinguish envy.
- Change . It is difficult to change a negative to a positive, but it is possible, and this step will bring a number of bonuses. This is a good mood, the ability to find an alternative, ease of communication. For example, wealth is not given, but there is a friendly family. An acquaintance has moved to a new apartment, and we have excellent neighbors whom we can always turn to.
- Develop . The one who sits still and is mired in current problems is jealous. Those who are busy with self-improvement have no time to waste time on envy. He needs energy for other purposes.
For every object of envy, you need to look for a positive counterbalance.
Where does the feeling come from?
There is a well-known expression: “everything comes from childhood.” And envy is no exception here. The fact is that our parents, without knowing it themselves, taught us to envy. This was expressed in their assessment and comparison with other people's children. For example: “Look at Masha. What a great guy she is. He studies with straight A's." And now the process has begun.
The result of such a parental attitude is that the child begins to envy the conventional Masha and at the same time loses self-confidence. Subsequently, when this child grows up, he will not be able to fully express himself. The successes of classmates, colleagues, friends and acquaintances will cause an uncontrollable feeling of envy. And in the end, like a tumor, it will eat away at him from the inside.
FAQ
How to protect yourself from the envy of others?
There is a saying that only those who do nothing make no mistakes. This does not work with envy; even a completely passive person is not immune from becoming the object of this not very pleasant feeling. This means you shouldn’t look back at those who suffer from envy without intending to change anything. But you need to take personal safety measures. First of all, don’t take it to heart. “If they spit in your back, it means you’re ahead.” And that's great. And communication with an envious person should be limited to a minimum, meeting attacks with a neutral smile and not reacting to provocations.
How to understand that this is envy?
It is easier to recognize an emotion on the part of another person, since you can observe facial expressions and behavior from the outside. If a person does not show sincere joy at the success of others, is constantly wary and ready to say nasty things, bows his head so as not to make eye contact - this is envy. It is more difficult to catch yourself in this feeling. You will have to listen to your inner feelings and note if there is a feeling of discomfort, irrational resentment or dissatisfaction when you look at or think about a certain person. In this case, you can’t let negativity take root if you don’t want to ruin your life. When your strength is not enough, you should consult a psychologist.
How do I know if I have envious people?
And again observation will save you. If there is an unhealthy buzz around a certain person, the person is the subject of gossip or scandals without reason on his part, then most likely he has become an object of envy. It’s worth looking around and thinking about how sincere your friends and acquaintances are in expressing their feelings. This will allow you to quickly identify the envious person and neutralize him, reducing communication to a minimum.
How to understand that people envy you at work?
The main external manifestations of this situation are regularly occurring gossip, groundless nagging and inflated demands, attempts to give additional workload without payment, as well as ignorance from colleagues. A good sign is that if people begin to imitate a person, this is already a constructive option, when hostility is translated into motivation.
How to deal with envious colleagues?
Envy is not a reason to change your job, especially if you like it and are satisfied with the conditions. You can neutralize an envious person by not giving him a reason for gossip and not mentioning your successes more often than necessary. The personal must be left behind the scenes, but at the same time there is no need to skimp on compliments and avoid group events. The most important thing is that you should not deviate from your intended goal, since you cannot bury talent in the ground to please others. Everyone goes to their own heights.
What is narcissistic envy?
This is a special type of hatred associated with the desire for the unattainable, the desire to receive everything without giving anything in return. Often negative self-esteem leads to the appearance of complexes when dissatisfaction is directed at oneself. In case of failure, such a person cannot and does not strive to find support from others. This provokes the development of emotional and behavioral disorders, neuroses, and unmotivated aggression. Need help from a psychologist.
What is maternal envy?
A woman's envy of her child may be associated with a poorly developed maternal instinct. Most often, this occurs if the baby is unwanted, born too early, when the mother’s personality has not yet formed. Signs include complaints about an unfulfilled life, a constant emphasis on the fact that the child is luckier and has better conditions, and constant dissatisfaction with any actions of a daughter or son. The feeling is so destructive that it destroys the lives of both, rewarding them with complexes, a feeling of unreasonable guilt and a desire not to meet for as long as possible, even to the point of refusing to communicate.
