Emotional immaturity of an adult: causes, signs and how to fix it

December 27, 2020
Psychology of Personality
Peter Luk

Physiology defines emotion as a change in behavioral reactions with the aim of increasing or minimizing the active excitation of areas of the brain that specialize in consolidating positive or negative experiences. Their number in content amounts to tens. All types of emotions are associated with the body's physiological reactions to stimuli. However, their external manifestations are secondary to brain activity. That is, trembling from fear appears as a result of fright, and not vice versa, as proven by experiments on the conscious control of emotions.

Features of experiences

A distinctive feature of emotions is their ability to arise in the form of ideas about imaginary events. You can ruin your mood just by imagining a future or imagined trouble.

Another feature is communicative, making it possible to exchange experiences between people, their groups and even with animals. Emotional experience can be accumulated and transmitted through observing works of art, listening to music, and empathizing with athletes in sports competitions.

Emotions are valence, that is, those with a plus sign are positive, those with a minus sign are negative. This polarity is asymmetrical, and there are much more symbols for unpleasant emotions than for good ones. Of the four main ones (joy, sadness/sadness, fear/horror and anger), three are negative.

Their duration is also uneven, not in favor of the positive ones: according to observations, the duration of sadness is a record holder.

Emotions vary in strength and, accordingly, in the physiological reaction of the body. Depending on the intensity, they are divided into sthenic (strong - mobilizing efforts for active counteraction or creative actions) and asthenic (powerless) - paralyzing activity, destructive. The strength of emotions depends not only on brain activity. Functional defects of the autonomic and central nervous systems can affect this indicator. For example, when the cervical segments of the spine are damaged, a total decrease in the emotional background is recorded.

Gaslighting

“No need to react so violently, I was just joking.” “Stop making things up, it didn’t happen!” “No one will love you but me.” All these words are uttered by people who want to completely control their partners, not disdaining any means. They can intimidate, impose their opinion, devalue the feelings and desires of a loved one, question his (her) maturity and adequacy. In such relationships, physical violence is replaced by psychological violence, which is difficult to see or prove. An unhealthy partner destroys the self-esteem of a healthy one, forces a person to doubt himself and his emotions, instills in him a lot of fears and complexes through which he is easy to control.

Smirnov's formula

The relationship between the intensity of experiences and their polarity is reflected in the postulate that emotion is the difference between the necessary and received volume of information processed by the brain. This formula bears the name of Smirnov and states that emotions become negative when there is a shortage of incoming information and positive when there is an excess of it.

A convincing illustration is the example of the need to satisfy hunger. A man, hungry, looks for provisions stored in advance. When an untouched portion is found, the experiences are neutral, the information flows are equal. If food is not found, the emotions are negative, their intensity is proportional to the share of what was lost; if suddenly there is more food, the assessment of what is happening changes to positive.

The conclusion is suitable for managing emotions and is formulated as follows: positive mental sensations arise when receiving pleasant information and intensify with an increase in its volume, negative ones are formed when there is a deficiency of it.

Causes

The sources of infantile behavior are psychological traumas of early periods of life and characteristics of relationships with parents. During the period of growing up, the child pays attention to the satisfaction of needs that form the basic personal rights to life, independence, freedom to express one’s opinion, love and personal point of view. If a basic sense of security is not acquired, then in adulthood the psyche will show emotional immaturity, the causes of which were not identified in a timely manner.

Parasitism on others

Another unpleasant feature of immature people is the habit of using their loved ones as a life resource. And also the requirement that they be taken care of, their affairs managed, supported morally and financially, and their household needs provided for. Everyone around them should be in their position, take care of their psyche, give in in an argument, accept their weaknesses and forgive. But they do not put forward such demands on themselves. The behavior of infantiles clearly shows a search for a parental figure who can be held responsible for their own problems and emotional instability. They often have lovers and mistresses on the side as a “backup option” if the first partner gets tired, burns out, refuses support, or runs away.

Infantilism of organic origin

Emotional immaturity in a teenager can be caused by traumatic factors in the early stages of development of the body, right up to the prenatal period. These mental states are studied and corrected by doctors and refer to pathologies that are characterized by disturbances in behavioral reactions without signs of decreased mental abilities. Emotional maturation slows down or stops developing at the teenage level.

There are 4 types of anomalies:

Inhibited development in the absence of parental education or the use of abnormal pedagogy.
Organic defects of the brain, externally manifested in visible slowdowns of thought processes, superficiality of experiences and noticeable emotional-volitional immaturity.
Manifestation of character pathologies in the form of selfishness, deceit, conflict, love of excesses and provocative actions.
With a normal level of intelligence, there is no patience when performing educational activities, only games and entertainment are interesting, and if adaptation is necessary, neurotic-type disorders arise.

The emotional immaturity of children and adolescents in such a scenario of ontogenesis is corrected strictly under the supervision of psychologists of appropriate qualifications, since the prognosis is positive, but it requires the efforts of parents and doctors.

Difficulty learning new material

0
Source:

One sign of a person with a low IQ is difficulty understanding new or changing familiar concepts. This is a problem, especially given our time, with its rapid development of technology and changing lifestyles. These people not only find it difficult to understand and accept more complex systems and ways of thinking, but even a simple abstraction is accepted with an internal struggle. They also have difficulty with numbers and sequences. They have to overcome significant obstacles when it comes to analytical processing of information. It is assumed that there are certain barriers for people with low IQ regarding the workings of the mind and the laws of logic. Since IQ tests measure a person's ability to think abstractly, it is this type of test question that seems to cause difficulty. Many of them feel frustrated, this is a constant challenge for them, and they quickly become angry and lash out at others due to their inability to understand abstract categories. Emotionally intelligent people are more flexible and adaptable. They leave their comfort zone because they understand that the fear of the new paralyzes and blocks the road to new victories.

Physiological mechanisms

The brain controls the behavioral motor reactions of the body, the emotional component is ensured by the activity of its area called the amygdala.

The production of hormones and mediators is programmed at the gene level, volitional intervention is extremely limited. If the mechanisms of the amygdala are activated, then the resulting basic brain reaction dominates in any situation, even in the absence of threats or rewards, and the calming mode does not set in soon. Knowing these nuances, you can influence these types of emotions and develop skills to manage their intensity. Consequently, methods of influence must be selected in advance, taking into account existing capabilities, especially since most emotional processes are necessary for the life of the body.

Lack of basic social skills

0
Source:

There are skills that help us live day to day, communicate effectively, interact with others, and be able to take care of our basic life needs. People with low levels of emotional and intellectual development will find this short list too difficult and will need help with two or more items on this list, and on a daily basis. They may forget to wash themselves, or don't know how to defrost processed food in the microwave, not to mention more complex cooking tasks. This is not because they find it physically difficult to perform these actions, but because they do not have the mental capacity of the average person. They will have to be reminded of the simplest things if they are unable to remember them on their own. As a rule, such people live under someone's supervision. Here it is appropriate to recall the phenomenon of modern Japan called “hikki” or “hikikomori” - literally meaning “acute social isolation”. This term refers to people who refuse social life, do not have a job and live on dependent relatives. Japan's Ministry of Health defines hikikomori as individuals who refuse to leave their parents' home, isolate themselves from society and family in a separate room for more than six months, and do not have any work or income. Psychologist Tamaki Saito, who coined the term, initially estimated that the number of hikikomori in Japan was just over a million, or about 1% of the country's population. But according to a Japanese government report, there may be many more such people. “The Lost Generation” - that's what they are called Self-isolation, demonstrated by hikikomori, is a common symptom in people suffering from depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder or autism spectrum disorders (this includes Asperger's syndrome and "classical" autism).

Traits of Emotional Immaturity

A highly organized society is characterized by an extended period of growing up for citizens. The latest Russian law officially considers people under 35 years of age to be youth. Often the biological age does not correspond to the level of responsibility shown, and then the problem arises: how to correct the emotional immaturity of an adult and synchronize it?

For a full member of society, there are signs of behavior in society, the absence of which signals that a poorly brought up child lives in the body of an adult. Emotional immaturity manifests itself if:

A person believes that the failures that happen to him depend on the ill will of circumstances or the machinations of ill-wishers. Personal responsibility for actions taken is completely denied, and one’s own shortcomings are ignored.
He feels endless self-pity and is cold towards the feelings of others. A person is incapable of empathy, cannot put himself in the place of others and does not feel obligations to other members of society.

The experiences of others are of little significance to him. A person calmly manipulates others to solve his own problems without regard to the emotional reaction of his neighbors. He is extremely indifferent to the feelings of others.
Another sign of emotional immaturity is a love of extremes. In work he is a workaholic, in love he is jealous, in religion he is an intolerant fanatic and martyr.
A person makes a compromise with great difficulty, sincerely not understanding that he may be wrong or that there is a different point of view. By agreeing, he feels that he is providing a great benefit or showing unacceptable weakness, so he does it in exceptional cases. More often than not, he does not accept defeat and tries to win in any way.
His desires and goals are a priority for him. To fulfill them, he is ready to make efforts disproportionate to the results, without mercy for himself, and even more so for the people involved. If they are inferior to him, then efforts are increased with the aim of demonstrating one’s own importance and superiority in everything.
A person has increased ambition and strives to always be the first in everything. The reaction to a sudden defeat can be a hysteria that goes beyond the norm, similar to a two-year-old child lying on the floor. The slogan of behavior becomes “what I want is mine at any cost.”
A person has increased self-doubt and compensates for this with aggression. A one-time win requires constant confirmation, and such behavior becomes the norm, to the detriment of others.
A person cannot plan long-term activities to achieve a goal. He can be dreamy and active for a short time, but long-term volitional efforts are uncharacteristic for him.
For him, a common reaction to life’s difficulties is the desire to escape responsibility into the virtual world. For them, the solution is often alcoholism, drugs, gambling, joining sectarian movements and other means of self-justification.

The listed signs are difficult to find in one person in a complete set; more often they are represented by a combination of one or two and are not clearly expressed. Pedagogical methods for correcting behavior for an adult are ineffective; they work during the period of personality formation, therefore at this age only introspection and self-education are effective.

Test "Are you a mature person"

To understand whether you are a psychologically mature person, honestly answer a number of questions:

Am I ready to take responsibility for my life and the life of my partner? Am I afraid of getting married, getting a job, etc.?
Do I strive to be the center of attention? Do I experience negative emotions when my attention is on another person?
Do difficulties scare me? Do they make me give up and give up on what I'm doing?
How do I perceive criticism addressed to me? Am I too critical of those around me?
Do I understand that most of my problems are caused by my shortcomings? Or do I blame other people for them?
Do I love to dream and fantasize so much that I forget about doing important things?
Do I make excuses for my failures and mistakes?
Am I learning from my mistakes? Or do I repeat them again and again?
Am I willing to accept my shortcomings or am I refusing to do so?
Do I complain about life most of my free time?
Am I trying to compete with others in everything?

Answer as sincerely as possible. And then compare your answers with the above signs of an immature personality.

Showing emotions

There are several ways to improve your quality of life in the emotional sphere, and they are outlined below.

But first you should understand that the manifestation of feelings and their essence may differ. There are verbal ways of designating them, non-verbal and situational actions or actions. Their use is determined by innate character traits, cultural traditions and gender differences.

For example, a man expresses sympathy for the opposite sex through actions and gifts, but may seem callous and dry and silent; for women, it is verbal confirmation of feelings that is important. Nonverbal expression of emotions is difficult to implement; it is more reliable and sincere, but requires decoding and understanding. By brushing aside an insignificant gift, you can seriously hurt the feelings of the donor, for whom the gift can be of great value.

Showing emotions verbally is easier and clearer, but there is a high probability of falsification. Frequent verbal assurances of devotion are devalued; there is an example set out in the Eastern proverb: “You said - I believed, you repeated - I doubted, you said again - I stopped believing.”

The manifestation of feelings through actions, as a rule, is uncontrollable or unconsciously provocative. It is of a pictorial, demonstration nature. If this is a sincere expression of dissatisfaction, then, as a rule, it is unproductive, because the recipient of the message, behind the external effect, is not able to understand the internal content of this emotional explosion.

In a civilized society, it is customary to use the possibilities of a verbal way of expressing feelings. The recommendations suggest starting with an analysis of your own emotions and the reasons that cause them. Next, you should note the reaction of others to their manifestations and learn to express feelings in such a way as not to offend others and not to damage your own psyche by restraining the natural reactions of the body. Conflicts occur due to misunderstandings between interlocutors, and the most productive way to resolve them is through words.

When expressing feelings through actions, one’s own tension is relieved, but the dialogue partner’s anxiety increases. Nonverbal methods are applicable only in communicating with near and dear people with whom a stable emotional connection has been established. For self-analysis, proven methods of monitoring the internal state of the psyche are used.

Total irresponsibility

Immature people love this game. Make big promises, come to an agreement, borrow money, and then gracefully leave the race, saying, “I’m not me, the problem is not mine.” They owe nothing to anyone, are not responsible for anything, and deftly avoid feelings of guilt. But they have a lot of claims to the world. This is D'Artagnan's philosophy: “I am special and important, but the world does not understand me.” It is those around them who are to blame for their failures, lack of fulfillment, and loneliness, not them. That’s why they have so many complaints about their partners, attempts to change them, to blame them for all their sins, along with a reluctance to start with themselves.

How to express your emotions correctly

The reasons for dissatisfaction should be correctly formulated, addressing yourself as an independent arbiter who confirms the fairness of the mental reaction to what is happening. The sequence of addressing oneself should have a fixed structure: “I experience... (name of emotion: bitterness, bewilderment, disgust, etc.)” ⇒ “reason is... (no bonus at the end of the month)” ⇒ “arguments for the injustice of what is happening (I made a profit)” . The emphasis shifts from powerlessness to the need for action to improve the situation, and the severity of the experience decreases.

Never listen to advice

On the one hand, an immature person is always ready to complain about the bunch of problems that she has, on the other hand, she, by and large, is not interested in your opinion. Firstly, she herself knows who is to blame (astrology, universal conspiracy, damage, evil eye, envious people), and what to do about it.

Secondly, she will never listen to other people’s opinions, learn something or change something in herself for one simple reason: to change means to take responsibility on herself, and she is not ready for this.