As the aphorist Wladyslaw Grzegorczyk once aptly noted, “people are ready to envy even a beautiful funeral.” Indeed, we are well aware of how bad, unproductive and poisonous this feeling is.
But alas, we can’t help ourselves - we just have to open social networks, see an advertisement or hear about the achievements of friends, and immediately a vile voice is heard inside: “It’s so dishonest - why is it all for some and nothing for me?!”
If this annoys you and you want to know how to stop being envious, then below we have prepared some tips on how to heal from feelings of annoyance at other people's successes. We warn you, it may not be possible to do this right away, but the result is definitely worth it!
To be jealous or not. Two stories from life
I want to clearly show you how destructive envy is. To do this, I’ll tell you a few true stories.
At the institute, I had a classmate who was terribly jealous of her friend. And everything about Marina was better: her clothes, thick hair, and good skin. She often tried to copy Marina, but everything got out of control. Everyone either openly noticed this and laughed at her, or made fun of her behind her back.
She herself began to have skin problems and constant rashes. She became embittered and offended, which attracted even more unpleasant situations; she began to get sick often and had huge problems with her studies due to absences.
As you can see, envy is a destructive feeling that attracts many problems and troubles, even with health.
My student Elena shared her story with me. She hated the couples that popped up everywhere out of nowhere in the spring, all those flowers, declarations of love, kisses in public places! Romance, it was all just annoying...
Later it turned out that this hatred is pure envy, a hidden desire for love and to have a romantic, happy relationship.
What is most surprising is that when she was embittered by “ostentatious love,” she herself had no luck with gentlemen. She was absolutely lonely and unhappy. As soon as she learned to be happy for the love in other people's couples, she herself met a person who made her happy.
If you are wondering:
- How to overcome envy?
- How to kill this feeling?
- How to stop being jealous of others?
- What to do if people are jealous?
Be sure to read this article to the end.
Humble yourself
We are accustomed to thinking that we are in complete control of our consciousness and actions, and only weakness of will prevents us from giving up the bad habit of comparing ourselves with others.
Not certainly in that way. American business school professors Adam Galinsky and Maurice Schweitzer argue that comparing ourselves to others is an innate need by which we measure our personal level of happiness. They cite the example of Frans de Waal's experiment with capuchin monkeys: one monkey was given cucumbers as a reward, while the other was given grapes. When the first monkey noticed the difference, he refused the cucumber and began demanding grapes. We all, in one way or another, look at others - this allows us to dress appropriately for a party, follow the rules of etiquette in an unfamiliar country, or make a good impression in a new company. But socialization reinforces the habit of comparing oneself with others much more strongly than is necessary for a comfortable stay in society. Since childhood, the ghost of “mother’s friend’s son” has been hovering over us, who studied much better, cleaned his room and communicated with his elders. Over time, the number of such “standards” is only growing - from former classmates who have already bought an apartment, to Instagram stars who go on vacation 10 times a year (almost everyone has encountered the depressing FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) syndrome). And now, it seems, this natural tendency begins to bring you quite serious suffering and deprives you of sleep.
Useful materials for those who want to get rid of envy forever
Here comes the turn of several courses from Wikium on personal self-development. Several of my readers have already completed training in each of the programs described below. I didn’t receive any negative feedback; everyone was happy.
Brain fitness
Description. In this course you will develop in two directions. First, clear your mind of all kinds of negativity, namely: thoughts about the past, envy, fear, irritability, melancholy. Everything that makes you a pessimistic person.
Self-development will come next. You will learn how to develop thinking abilities, learn how to communicate correctly with people, control your feelings and emotions, and so on.
The course is very expensive (this is the only such program on Wikium, the rest are all cheap), because you pay for a special device - a neural interface. This is a serious development, unique in nature, which is why it is so expensive.
The neural interface analyzes the functioning of the human brain, reading the waves that emanate from it. The recorded information is then uploaded to the Wikium website in your personal account, analyzed there, and the site generates recommendations for you for each specific case. If you can't calm down because of fear - the recommendations will be the same if you envy your friends to such an extent that you can't sleep, thinking about their success and considering yourself a failure? – the advice will be different.
The neurointerface will help you understand yourself and remove from your head absolutely everything that interferes with your life and makes you unhappy. If you want, you can purchase it separately, without Brain Fitness, the price will be 1,000 rubles lower.
Authors: developers of the Vikium project.
Cost: 12,990 rub.
Find out more and sign up for training
Brain Detoxification
Description. The “Brain Detoxification” course is aimed, of course, not only at getting rid of envy, but this feeling is given a lot of attention here. Training in this program will help you get rid of a variety of types of negativity that interfere with your life.
Regardless of what negative emotion you experience, the state of your brain is always approximately the same - a “dialogue” starts, which still cannot be stopped. You chew the “mental cud” and cannot “spit it out.”
The techniques that are described in the ten lessons of this program will help you stop poisoning your own life. There is nothing complicated - you will get acquainted with the theoretical material, and then move on to practice - work out on several unique simulators, do the exercises. If you have any questions, ask them to the teacher.
Authors: developers of the Vikium project.
Cost: 1,490 rub.
Find out more and sign up for training
For now, these are all the courses I can recommend to you. If I find something aimed only at envy, I will add to the material.
If you know of good training courses on getting rid of envy or maybe you have read good books on this topic, please recommend them in the comments.
How to protect yourself from envy
There is no magic advice that will tell you what to do so that people stop envying you. Some people try to pretend that everything in their life is much worse than it actually is. In their opinion, this way they will protect themselves from the evil eye. Others do not pay attention to ill-wishers, continuing to live their lives. There are many examples on YouTube videos of how to behave in such situations.
There is a list of rules by adhering to which you can avoid the effects of negative outbursts addressed to you and always be on a wave of positivity.
- Don't show your superiority over others. An intelligent person knows about his intelligence without boasting, a rich person knows about his wealth, etc. By deliberately demonstrating your intellectual abilities or position in society, you can quickly attract envious glances. Remember the Buddhist wisdom: “Do not overestimate what you have received and do not envy others. He who envyes does not find peace.”
- Maintain a sense of tact when communicating with people: the less negativity and witticism you make towards your interlocutor, the friendlier the relationship will be.
- Never make excuses for what you have, because you lower yourself in the eyes of others. Envious people often tell non-existent stories in order to attract interest and see the reaction of the “victim”. Don't let them feel triumphant, just change the topic of conversation, cutting off the unpleasant conversation in the bud.
- Be friendly, be considerate, and give compliments. This is not about flattery or overacting. Try to find positive traits in every person you know and focus on them.
Take care of yourself
To get rid of the habit of comparing yourself to others, first analyze what the main triggers (remarks from relatives, failure at work, or maybe loneliness?) for destructive thoughts are and what happens next. By thinking carefully about your behavior, you will have a set of patterns inherent in you (you can write them down in a diary) and will be able to better control yourself.
Next time you decide to compare yourself to a neighbor or a famous blogger, do at least a little differently: think about what you can learn from the person who caught your attention.
Negative Impact
Envy is recognized as a vice in many cultures, because those driven by it are capable of terrible acts. Dissatisfaction forces one to step over moral principles. But the whole point is that a person cannot pull himself together and gets fixated on negative emotions. They continue to eat him from the inside and distort his perception of the world.
An envious person, more than anything else, wants to harm someone who so “unfairly” got what he wanted, and his life turns into a nightmare. Sometimes it comes to the point that people turn to sorcerers and witches, paying huge sums of money to send damage or curse the “enemy.” But is it worth it? Isn't it easier to relax and live, calmly achieving your goals? And then, perhaps, they will begin to envy your success?
Distorted thinking is constantly looking for new victims and objects of envy, but all you have to do is stop comparing yourself to others and start enjoying your achievements.
Think critically
By starting a destructive chain of thoughts about whose grass is greener, we seriously deceive ourselves and go far from rationality. Morningstar behavioral economist Sarah Newcomb conducted 669 in-depth interviews to find out how comparison with others affects our lives.
“You have to realize that when you immerse yourself in someone else's sweet life, you compare it with your boring life,” Newcomb says. “You see the best staged shots, but you think about your dullest everyday life.” Stop and think rationally."
Comparing the brightest episodes of someone else's life with the saddest ones of your own is, at the very least, dishonest and puts you in a defeatist position in advance. Keep this in mind the next time you're lamenting a boring day at the office while looking at the vacation photos of a former colleague who sits at work just as much as you.
Why do we begin to envy "in black"
An embittered envious person cannot imagine that anyone is better than him. The opponent simply stole the success. He begins to gloat. This behavior is usually characteristic of people with low self-esteem. Other people's troubles become an inspiration for him. Black envy is like a poisonous snake that has made its way into the brain of its owner, feeding on his life energy.
People delve into the shortcomings of those they envy, find them and rejoice. Then everything develops into slander and imitation. Such a person tries to slander and harm the object of envy. At the physiological level, it can lead to problems with the heart, blood pressure, and the development of peptic ulcers.
Unfortunately, envy can appear in a person from early childhood. You can often see how some children get hysterical if others get something more than them. There are a lot of envious people, even among smart people. This is a nasty character trait. The most common objects of envy are: appearance, success, popularity in society and personal life.
