Unconscious comparison of oneself with other people occurs in the life of every person and this is normal. But endless conscious comparison leads to the fact that we forget about ourselves, about our true desires and waste our time. First you need to analyze why this happens? Why does a person try to be someone, but not himself?
Understand why you compare yourself to others
Usually people compare themselves with others, because only against the background of others can they evaluate their achievements, praise themselves or scold themselves. This is how psychologist Leon Festinger explains this phenomenon - he came up with the theory of social comparison in 1954. Its provisions were refuted or changed over time, but the essence remained - in order for a person to evaluate his usefulness, he needs to compare himself with someone. And with both similar and dissimilar people - for greater accuracy.
It turns out that comparing oneself with someone is a natural human desire. But it’s not always possible to get something useful out of it. Most often, the result upsets or even causes envy. Comparison is a feeling that is more often confusing and harmful. Modern psychologists agree with this. For it to be beneficial, they advise first to love yourself and accept yourself with all the pros and cons, and then move on to comparisons.
Why is this harmful?
A few examples from life.
The girl Irina was always dissatisfied with her weight and constantly compared herself with her friend Nastya, because she was slimmer than her. Irina decided to lose 5 kg in six months by summer. She bought a gym membership and went there regularly.
In addition, I adjusted my diet and followed a diet. Six months later, with tears in her eyes, Irina told Nastya about how disappointed and offended she was because she had lost only 1 kg. The girl was very upset by what she thought was an insignificant result and stopped going to the gym. Irina devalued her result, which was visible to the naked eye.
A married couple divorced only because the husband constantly compared himself and his wife. She had an apartment in which they lived and good support from relatives, but he did not have this. Constant comparison haunted me and grew into envy. The husband initiated the divorce.
Negative consequences that comparisons lead to:
- Devastation of the inner world.
- A waste of time and energy.
- Self-doubt is growing.
- Self-esteem decreases.
- Concentrating on your negative sides.
- Apathy and depression may occur.
- Disagreements with other people.
- Disappointment in yourself and your abilities.
- They hinder self-realization.
- A feeling of inferiority appears.
- Guilt.
- Envy appears.
- Living someone else's life.
- Emotional instability arises.
- Dissatisfaction with yourself.
Compare yourself to yourself and notice your successes
Make yourself your measure of success. Keep a diary or make lists of your accomplishments. With their help, you can track whether you have progressed towards your goals and how much time remains until they are realized. When your focus is on your own life, there is no time to compare yourself to others.
For example, a week ago you thought that handmade jewelry was difficult for you. And yesterday we learned how to make a garland and a spruce wreath ourselves, and decorated our house for the holiday ourselves. This is your small victory, write it down in your diary. And continue to celebrate such merits.
It’s easy to track your achievements in a simple tablet on paper
Where does the habit of comparison come from?
Most of our problems come from childhood. The habit of comparing oneself with others goes back to childhood, during elementary school. The educational system is built on comparison, teachers single out students, set them as examples, compare children with each other, assessing their academic success.
Often the problem gets worse at home. Parents, instead of praising for successes, punish for failures and set other students as an example. Phrases like “why do others get A’s and you get C’s”, “what grades do others get” and similar ones negatively affect a child’s self-esteem. In particularly sensitive people, this can develop into real complexes. This is how the habit of comparing oneself with others is formed, which can remain with a person for life if one does not start working on oneself in time.
Find motivating people who are like you
Comparing yourself to others is healthy as long as it doesn't harm your self-esteem. With the correct comparison of successes, you can understand how you can achieve great results - in work, study and personal life. It’s worth starting by looking among your idols for people who followed your path. Editors learn from Ilyakhov, designers are inspired by the works of Artemy Lebedev, and for architects the standard is Zaha Hadid.
Remember to target the right aspects of your idols' lives. For example, on determination and efficiency, and not on the number of likes. It is important not to just copy another person, but to look for something from him that will help you become better yourself.
Here are examples of motivating channels and podcasts
- Podcast “Sales Bloggers” - three marketers will inspire you to conquer the world of bloggers, advertising and the Internet.
- The Gurov Digital podcast will help you start understanding digital technologies.
- Podcast “Mom, I’m an illustrator” - how to illustrate a book and not screw it up,
- YouTube channel TheOnliner - you can find training videos on “Graphic Design”.
- YouTube channel of Evgenia Streletskaya - psychiatrist Evgenia Streletskaya motivates to apply the knowledge of psychotherapy to improve your life and relationships with loved ones.
- Podcast Otvet.co - here you can find support from the best psychologists just a click away.
- Podcast “Beauty Breakfast” - you can listen to the secrets of proper skin care from the country's best experts and famous guests.
- Telegram channel “Chris types...” - co-founder of the Openface skin analysis service and Wonderzine columnist writes about skin care from a scientific point of view, good motivation for a future beauty blogger.
