- Are you living your own life or someone else's?
- What comes first: the relationship or the person with whom you can create a relationship?
- Joy in relationships
- Why do you need this relationship?
- Bottom line
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Love relationships are one of the areas of life of any growing or adult person. Many guys and men try to call themselves singles and bachelors, but even they are unable to help but think about women. No matter how difficult it is to build love relationships, it is impossible to live without women. And here thoughts and worries often arise about relationships, namely, the need to start them and the problems that arise in them.
If at first the reader of the men's site masculino.ru is concerned about where to find a girl in order to build a relationship with her, then in the future he will be concerned about issues related to various scandals and quarrels with his beloved. That's how complicated it is. But believe me, women also worry about these two main issues. At first it is also not easy for them to find their soul mates, and then also to establish a common language and way of life with them.
First there is the problem of creating relationships. People around him begin to insist that the young man already starts thinking about building a serious relationship, looking for a girl and dating. Society puts pressure on every person. And this is a problem, because sometimes you don’t want to have what people insist on.
Are you living your own life or someone else's?
Depression is a modern illness for many people. It is most likely not a disease, since psychiatrists know the real meaning of this word. Many people refer to various states of depressed mood as depression. Someone is lonely, someone does not see the meaning of life, someone is upset, someone is bored, someone cannot achieve what they want. People call all this and much more depression, when you just want to hide in a corner, do nothing, but at the same time wait for mercy from life, so that it itself will present all your fulfilled desires on a platter.
But why does a person fall into such a state? This is often due to the fact that he does not understand his true desires, is minding his own business, and, accordingly, does not receive pleasure from his existence.
Imagine, times come when your parents force you to marry or marry you off to a person who is unpleasant and disgusting to you. But you obey the will of your ancestors, living with an unloved person for years of your wonderful life. What do you feel? What desires do you have? Do you get joy and pleasure from living and giving yourself to a person you don’t love? What do you think will happen to you after several years of marriage with such a person?
This is exactly the same thing you do to yourself now when you try to live by the rules that your parents and other people set for you. Why aren't you realizing your real desires? You achieve some goals, but are they yours personally or are they inspired by society (like everyone strives for this, and you should)? Consider whether you are living the life you imagined in your dreams. No? Then why don't you live the way you want?
You must understand that until you live according to your personally established rules and do not realize your own desires, depression in all forms of its manifestation will be your companion: boredom, loneliness, suffering, spiritual emptiness, etc.
You should only do things that interest you, otherwise you will soon unknowingly begin to destroy everything that you have built. A shoemaker should not be a manager, a manager should not be a shoemaker. You should do something that excites you. After all, only rich people know that what matters is not whether you work in a high-paying job or not, but whether you like the job. If your work satisfies you morally, then you work with pleasure. You have a desire to do your job, develop it and yourself, you grow as a specialist. People are drawn to those professionals who do their work efficiently and with pleasure, even if it costs much more than the work done by an unhappy person who does not like his work.
You have to understand just one thing: your happiness depends only on the kind of life you live. If you live the life you dream of, do what you love, realize true desires and embody only your own set goals, then happiness and pleasure will be your companion. You will be happy with your life because you are doing what makes you happy.
But if you live the life that was offered to you, work in an unloved but highly paid job, realize the desires and goals that all people realize, and do everything that is expected of you by other people, then depression in all its manifestations will become your constant companion . You will periodically experience instability of emotions, feel loneliness, apathy, laziness and reluctance to do anything. You will periodically wonder why you live and what life is even intended for. You will feel emptiness and boredom, not understanding why you do many things and are not happy.
The whole question is, are you living your own life or someone else’s that was suggested or inspired to you? As soon as you begin to live the way you want, realizing only those desires that bring you joy, then you will achieve both the meaning of life and your happiness. But as long as you listen to others and try to live like everyone else, earn someone’s approval and love, realize other people’s goals, you will constantly be depressed. Therefore, choose what kind of life to live, and don’t blame fate later!
What comes first: the relationship or the person with whom you can create a relationship?
People often reverse cause and effect. Thus, more and more often you can meet people who want to build relationships, find a source of those benefits that they cannot have themselves, helpers in the person of their loved ones, and not the partners themselves, who will be interesting and attractive to them in themselves.
All the troubles of many couples who end up breaking up are that they are looking for the effect, not the cause. So, women are looking for relationships, rich men, those who will solve all their problems. And men are looking for great sex, beautiful women or homemakers. All this is a consequence. It is impossible to create a relationship unless you have a partner. It is impossible to have sex without a second person. In other words, you first need to find someone who will become your soulmate, and with him you can create everything you dream about.
The meaning here is simple: if you are not looking for a person, but for what you can get with him, then don’t blame the fact that you are missing something in the relationship.
If you wanted a relationship, then most likely you created it with the first person you came across who also paid attention to you. If you want to build a relationship with a rich man, then don’t blame him for the fact that he doesn’t love you and has many mistresses. If you want a keeper of the hearth, then do not be surprised that you will soon get bored with this woman.
A striking example of how cause and effect do not mix are men who understand that they just need sex. They don't start relationships with women, but simply attract them and have sex, after which they say goodbye sweetly. The man gets what he gets - sex. Why should he build a relationship and spend a lot of time winning over a woman?
What comes first: what you want to get in a relationship, or the person with whom you want to have this very relationship? If we are talking about love, then you don’t need to dream about a wedding, children, sex or a hearth, but about a person whom you will love, with whom you will be comfortable, interesting, happy. If you find such a person, then everything else will follow. Of course, this person may not have what you dreamed of. But this does not mean that you cannot earn or purchase it!
Reasons for jealousy
As they say, a correctly posed question is already half the answer. There are two types of jealousy: justified and unjustified. In the first case, the man has already committed a crime once, and now the woman cannot calm down and forgive the betrayal, and again and again expects a dirty trick from him.
In the second case, the partner behaved impeccably, and the reason lies in self-doubt on the part of the woman who cannot believe that she can be loved, be faithful to her, and, in general, that she deserves unconditional happiness.
Another nuance lies in the very character of the husband. If his wife knows him long enough and understands that cheating is, in principle, not inherent in his character, then she will be calm. There is a certain type of guys, inveterate family men, who don’t even look at other women, let alone have any affairs on the side. If your partner is like this, then there is nothing to worry about.
Joy in relationships
People are accustomed to first dreaming about a relationship, and then adjusting themselves to it. It would be more correct to first get to know yourself and your partners, and then make the relationship such that everyone would be comfortable in it.
Stop making relationships the way you see them. Better get to know your partner as a person (his characteristics, qualities, habits, interests) and learn to communicate with him so that the relationship is pleasing. There is no need to make relationships ideal, the way most people imagine them. Get to know one single person and learn to conduct a relationship with him in such a way that you both are satisfied with everything.
Don’t adapt your partner to an ideal relationship, but adapt the relationship to yourself and your partner so that it becomes convenient, harmonious and comfortable specifically for you, and not in general!
How does this happen in real life? You meet a person, communicate with him, get to know his inner world, interests, habits, see his way of life. After collecting all the necessary information about your new friend, you decide for yourself whether this person is suitable for you to be your beloved. Undoubtedly, you may be overcome by passion towards someone you know. But always remember that passion passes, and after it you and your partner remain as you are. And if a person does not suit you in terms of his habits, character, worldview, way of life, then you will certainly break up with him. Therefore, decide for yourself whether your partner as a person is suitable for you in all its external and internal parameters. Are you ready to build a long and strong relationship with him?
If you have made a positive decision, that is, you have decided to start a family with your loved one in the future, then you need, based on your knowledge about all the characteristics, desires and lifestyle of your partner and yourself, to build a relationship together so that it is comfortable and harmonious for you. both. It is not you who should adjust yourself to a certain image of an ideal relationship, which you most likely emphasized from public perceptions, but, taking into account your and your partner’s habits and characteristics, create a relationship that will be convenient for both of you.
There are no relationships as such in nature. They are created (precisely created!) by people themselves. It’s like building a house: first people gather, and then they model the house they will build, based on their desires and ideas of comfort. Do the same in relationships: there are you and your loved one - what should your relationship be like for both of you to feel good and comfortable in them? Now create your relationship in a way that suits both of you.
It’s not you who adapt to the relationship, but the relationship that makes you happy. This gives you the understanding that you do not need to change, limit yourself or infringe on anything, but, on the contrary, you are allowed to be yourself, like your partner, and at the same time be in a strong and long-lasting relationship.
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Why do you need this relationship?
When a relationship already exists, various problems arise with a girl or woman. No couple is without disagreements when partners quarrel. And here it is important not to worry about relationships, but simply to eliminate the causes of conflicts. You definitely won't help yourself by worrying. But solving the causes of quarrels will allow you to make peace with your beloved. But it's not that simple.
If you are suffering, you don’t like the fact that your loved one is not with you now, you once dated, but now broke up, ask yourself the question: “Why do you need this relationship?” Do you really want to spend your life tirelessly proving to yourself that love brings suffering? So, you can be told in advance that this is not love at all, but something else. Love always creates and brings pleasure. Why are you wasting your time on something that in a sober and calm mind you would define as “this is not fate and it’s better to find something better”?
People are used to suffering. And, unfortunately, this habit forces people not only to waste their energy on unnecessary worries, but also to waste that precious time that could help restore strength and find the best way to achieve their goals. Very often people choose in advance a path where they will suffer. For example, a guy chooses a girl who doesn't love him. The person seems to understand with his mind that nothing good will come of it, and submits to some force (habit) in order to enter into those relationships that will only bring him misfortune.
If you are in a similar situation where you suffer from love, then it is better to stop wasting time on self-pity and clarify two questions for yourself:
- Why do you need this relationship? What do they give you? Why did you choose this type of relationship and not another?
- What thoughts or actions of yours contributed to the emergence of this union? Why did you choose in advance those relationships that will not bring you happiness? What are you afraid of?
You should understand your own motives that moved you on the way to the relationship in which you are now. After all, by and large, if you calm down, you can say to yourself: “I don’t want to suffer! I’m leaving this relationship and will look for a partner with whom real prospects for what I want will be visible!” But in order to avoid falling back into a “busy” or some other type of partner, you should understand why you were previously attracted to them. The fact is that those relationships that caused pain also gave you some benefit. You must understand what exactly this benefit was and try to find other sources of obtaining it. If you don't do this work, you could end up back in the same relationship you were in before.
Where it leads?
Most experiences are fruitless and do not bring any benefit. For example, if you are constantly worried about your boyfriend being with his friends, what benefit can you get from this? If you constantly reproach him, scandals will arise. To worry and remain silent is to be nervous for no reason.
During the experience, each person sets herself up for a certain outcome. The simplest example: I was in a company of girls and cheated.
And even if the man didn’t do this, everything no longer matters, because the conclusions have been drawn and the nerves have been spent. Therefore, during each experience, you need to think about the consequences and personal experiences. And as practice shows, bad thoughts are simply confusing.
How to stop worrying
Full-fledged relationships should develop easily and joyfully. Constant worries will lead to separation. Simple rules on how to stop being driven into a relationship with a girl:
- understand, if you start dating, then the feeling of sympathy is mutual;
- let go of the fear of rejection, enjoy pleasant communication;
- do not immerse yourself completely in the girl’s life, be a self-sufficient person, this arouses respect and interest;
- go in for sports, find an active hobby - physical and mental activity perfectly calms your nerves;
- talk - clarification of needs and feelings occurs only in dialogue;
- ignore gossip - this is a person you personally recognize; other people’s advice is unnecessary.
It is important to try to stop being driven in order to save the relationship.
Learn all about your triggers
If you notice that certain topics or even people make you feel anxious about your relationship, try to avoid or turn them off.
Source: femina.hu
Triggers make us overreact to things. Take a deep breath, change the topic, or leave the situation.
