Men believe that if a wife grumbles and is constantly dissatisfied with something, it means she is nagging him. Women, on the contrary, categorically disagree with this. They, as a rule, clearly adhere to their opinions and claim that in this way they unobtrusively and gently remind about some matter, give wise advice, constructively criticize the actions of a man and discuss them in a dialogue mode. Women think that they cannot manage in family life without these admonitions and explanations, because men, at the very least, are not adapted to life and will certainly miss something. And you can teach them everything they need only by pointing out mistakes every time. Often this behavior is typical of women who are married. In some cases, they themselves begin to wonder whether they want too much, and whether they should be angry with their chosen one for no reason.
How do women do it?
What men usually call “sawing” is justified by women in a completely different way:
- Reminders about important matters - even if they are done softly and unobtrusively, they are repeated with a frequency of every half hour.
- Advice - as women themselves believe, they are wiser than the stronger sex and have the right to instruct foolish men on the right path.
- Criticism - many wives consider it quite constructive.
- Discussions, understanding and explanations.
But no matter what you call your behavior, it does not bring joy to the family, and sometimes such an attitude from your spouse makes you want to run away from home.
How to deal with brain drain?
What to do if you have realized the reasons for your negative behavior and want to change for the sake of a loved one? Of course, there is no magic pill. But there is your intelligence and desire for development. So, here is a working instruction for you: “How not to blow your loved one’s brains out?”
Ten minute rule
Control yourself when your tired spouse comes home from work and just wants to relax after a hard day. There is no need to bombard him with questions right from the start, tell him how the children went out or what’s new with your mother. It's clear that you miss your man. But he needs a little time to switch to “home” mode. Kiss your loved one and immediately retreat to the kitchen to set the table for dinner.
Always speak directly
Men don't like to solve girls like a puzzle. They love simple requests and direct questions. When addressing your beloved, clearly and clearly formulate the thought: what do you want from him. There is no need to say, “Here’s a great neighbor—he takes out the garbage every morning,” or “I really want hot tea, someone would prepare it.” These phrases are terribly annoying.
Trust your partner
Trust is the basis of everything. If you constantly doubt your man and blame him for failures, you will soon destroy the relationship. Your task is to support your chosen one in all matters and give him the opportunity to make decisions himself. Remember one simple thing. Even if you don't like something, you can always tell your partner about it. Softly, calmly and confidently. After all, this is the only way to create ideal love relationships.
Do you agree? Tell us about your proven methods. How not to blow a man's mind?
How to stop nagging your husband - 6 tips from a psychologist
Why, at the time of marriage, did you not ask your man if he would help you with the housework, clean up scattered socks, or talk with you after work? It seemed to you that it didn’t matter, the main thing was love. What has changed now? Constant reproaches gradually kill feelings, is this what you want? If not, then listen to the advice of a psychologist:
- The first piece of advice is that if you want to become happy or maintain this state for a long time, silence your own “I”. Will your relationship get better after you prove yourself right? Hardly. So is it worth doing?
- The second tip is that if it is difficult to come to terms with your husband’s shortcomings, you will have to break up, since people in adulthood no longer change.
- The third piece of advice is to look for the cause; it often lies much deeper than the garbage that hasn’t been taken out or scattered socks. After that, talk to your husband about how to solve it.
- Fourth - switch your energy to something else, take care of yourself, self-improvement, remember your own hobbies. Then there will be no time left for “sawing” your spouse.
- Tip number five - once again, if you want to criticize your significant other, mentally count to five, since such conversations are often useless and can ruin your mood for the whole day.
- The sixth tip is that some women simply want to attract attention with such behavior, not realizing that it will alienate their spouse even more. Be more cunning, more affectionate, otherwise there will be those who want to take your husband away. And there is a risk that they will succeed. Only affection and a kind word changes a person, and not constant “sawing.”
Why you can’t nag your man: methods on how to influence him
The man is the head of the family. But why do women start nagging their husbands? Why is the male gender no longer valued and respected? I think all men would like to know. Maybe it's our fault.
“You are not the same as before!” - a frequent accusation by a woman to her husband several years after the start of family life.
Indeed, the man has stopped giving flowers, being happy with his wife, has ceased to be the protector and support of the family, he lies on the couch all day long, watches TV and only scolds at any request.
What is this? Has love expired? Has he always been like this or did he burn out something? Is it possible to do something with him to return that sweet and caring person whom you wanted to have next to you?
A little about men
“Men always remain children,” women say, but they do not realize what this means. It is a mistake to believe that this means that a man will always be frivolous, childish and stupid, never thinks about anything serious, and thinks only about himself.
In reality, this means that a man’s psychology is designed in such a way that he can be “educated.”
Depending on changing environmental conditions, a man begins to adapt to the situation, find a point of balance and comfort, that is, behave in such a way as to minimize external stimuli.
If his woman becomes such an irritant, the man seeks to minimize contact with her.
You should not think that such an attitude towards life is a manifestation of selfishness. This is inherent in the psyche of a man, back in ancient times, when the main role of a man was to obtain food, protect housing and other external functions, respectively, the internal sphere of life, the household (home) faded into the background.
Now the world has changed somewhat compared to ancient times. A man no longer hunts mammoths, his prey is a salary, and his protection is the support of the home and the woman in raising children. However, the man’s psyche has not undergone significant changes.
Probably everyone knows that if a child is raised strictly, not allowed to take initiative and punished for any attempt to do something, he will grow up spineless. The same situation applies to men.
If a man is constantly told that everything he does is wrong, he will lose the desire to do anything.
This is especially true for his woman, since it is her opinion that is the most important person for a man.
Typical mistakes a woman makes towards her husband
- Taking on the role of a man. If a woman begins to take on a male role, do physical work, protect and care for a man, do everything herself, her husband’s masculinity will gradually begin to fade away. When a person does not use a muscle for a long time, it atrophies and stops working, the same with masculinity, if a man does not need it, he ceases to be masculine.
- Excessive guardianship of a man. This error is similar to the previous one. Excessive guardianship, care, behavior similar to that of a mother towards a spouse gives a man the feeling that he is still in his parents’ home. This means that he is not the head of the family, but the one who is taken care of, which removes from a man the attitude of being courageous and caring.
- Constant complaints. Nobody wants to do something if it doesn't have any positive effect. If a woman constantly “nags”, forces her husband to do something, and his actions do not have any encouragement or are simply ignored, the desire to do any work completely disappears.
How was it necessary?
What to do if a man is really wrong about something, does not do what is necessary for his family and home? How to ask, but not to push or nag, how to get your way?
Of course, if there is a problem, it needs to be solved. And if there is a need, you can and should ask a man for something, you can show your dissatisfaction or talk about what you don’t like. The main thing is to do this in such a way as not to overwhelm him, not to irritate him, so that he pays attention not only to how the woman speaks, but to what exactly she says.
It is important that the man does not think that he is dissatisfied simply because he needs to quarrel, that the woman simply feels bad and is irritated.
Methods on how to influence a man
- The first and easiest way is to ask. You can simply ask a man for help if a woman is unable to do anything. This should be just a request, not an ultimatum, not a demand, not a reminder that “a man must” - men are allergic to these phrases.
- Show the man how you need it. It is necessary to show the man how much this is missing, so that he feels like a hero and protector if he does what is asked of him. The main thing in this method is not to go too far; if a woman suffers for a long time and vividly over unwashed dishes, she may seem abnormal.
- Praise more. The main thing is to have a positive incentive. This incentive can be expressed not only by praise, but also by rewards in the form of a favorite dish or the fulfillment of desires. Sex should never be used as a positive stimulus. Sex should always be a mutual pleasure, and not a method of manipulation.
- Never tell a man that he can't do anything. This is the worst way to influence a man - telling him that he is not capable of anything. It is a mistake to believe that a man will want to change this attitude and prove that this is not so. Rather, it will hurt him greatly, and he will refuse to do anything at all.
Of course, a man is not a child and does not need to be raised.
But you can use small tricks to push him to fulfill obligations or actions that are needed for the family. The most important thing is to remember that a man can also be offended, and not to put pressure on him, because otherwise not only will he be hurt, but he will also not do anything else.
Bye everyone. Best regards, Vyacheslav.
Source: https://kosarev39.ru/pochemu-nelzya-pilit-svoego-muzhchinu.html
Mistakes of women in couples
When tying the knot or starting a life together, women hope for cloudless happiness. The shortcomings of a loved one are practically not noticed. But over time, she begins to see the negative sides of her partner’s character. She begins to “nag” him, without understanding simple things:
- A man is already a formed personality with his own advantages and disadvantages, and it is almost impossible to correct them. Either you love him as he is, or you break up, there is no third option.
- People are not without flaws. You will never find the ideal, since it does not exist in nature.
- Learn to listen to arguments for your claims and then in return he will listen to you.
Think about whether cleanliness in the house, taking out the trash, or the constant presence of your husband nearby is so important to you. Are constant nagging and bad moods really normal for you? It’s better to remember your best times together, have fun, make your husband feel comfortable and good with you. After this, perhaps he will begin to correct himself.
Is it really possible to do without this?!
The man is so unadapted to life ! Even if you have a PhD, remember that to get scrambled eggs that don’t burn, you need to break the eggs into well-heated oil - no way! And sweeping, sweeping with a broom away from you, and not under your feet, is also not possible!
How else to teach him, other than pointing out a mistake every time he makes one ? But no way!
Believe the Beautiful and Successful One - a man also has two arms and two legs, and even a well-functioning brain! He is quite capable of doing whatever is asked of him.
But if he doesn’t do it, it means he doesn’t want to ! He really doesn’t care whether the scrambled eggs are a neat “fried egg” or a “something” spread across the frying pan - if it didn’t matter, he would do something!
Therefore, stop nagging your husband - he is not stupid or armless, all his actions are his conscious choice !
Will it get better?!
It may well be. Husbands who have “corrected” as a result of constant sawing are proudly called “henpecked.”
Such specimens behave simply wonderful - they always seek the advice of their wife, they press their heads into their shoulders, just thinking about breaking the rules established by their wife, they never meddle with stupid initiatives, giving the woman the opportunity to speak out first...
Do you want to raise such a husband for yourself? Don't stop nagging him !
True, there is one danger. The man will not be able to bear it and will run away in the midst of the re-education process. And perhaps he will be right!
How to resist sawing with good intentions?
It is difficult to resist the saw muse. Such a woman is absolutely convinced that she is right. She knows exactly what she wants and does everything to achieve it.
As a rule, conversations about how her behavior causes mental discomfort are unsuccessful. The only effective way to fight is practice. A woman “nags” - a man lies down on the sofa, sits down at the computer, takes sick leave during a crucial period and sabotages his own career in every possible way. The woman praises and smiles - the man immediately plunges into work and achieves real success in the shortest possible time.
The man's position should be tough. All actions must be performed consistently, stopping the slightest attempts at sawing with your behavior. You shouldn’t allow yourself any concessions, because the saw-muse has the mentality of a crocodile. As soon as a man shows softness, he will again be faced with the endless “eating away” of his own brain.
“He left me” or “we broke up”?
Agree that how you experience your breakup depends on your perception. “If you say “he abandoned me, he left me for someone else,” then this is clearly the perception of a victim and an abandoned toy, and as a result, you experience helplessness and resentment,” says psychologist and coach Liliya Levitskaya
. “If you say to yourself, ‘It didn’t work out for us, we broke up,’ then this is a completely different formulation of the question.”
According to the psychologist, the departure of one person from a couple is always a consequence of a disease in the system, which means something important was either missed from the very beginning or did not work out in the process, and this is already a reason for serious reflection. It is needed in order to differentiate responsibility, to understand yourself and him. And experience the pain, and as a result, first let go, and then, after some time, build new relationships without the burden of old grievances.”
During the experience, it will be important to see how you chose each other, whether you were real in the relationship, and whether it was really good for the two of you in this relationship. After all, the stamp in the passport is only the very beginning of the project, and this project can either succeed or fail, this is normal. For everything to work out, the contribution and desire of both is important.
“If it’s difficult to cope on your own, then it’s better to turn to a specialist in order to talk through your pain and understand your experience, free yourself from unnecessary things and allow yourself to continue to be happy,” says the coach.
But why is he such an eccentric?!
If your husband does something or thinks about something differently from you , this is not a reason to demand a divorce and a maiden name!
Using primitive examples, everyone understands this - for example, you may not have the same tastes in music, you like different books and films, after all, aren’t you surprised that he doesn’t dream of wearing a frilly dress and doesn’t wear lipstick? Everything is correct - he is a man, the opposite sex, there should be differences !
But when it comes to everyday life (and, by the way, about everyday life in relationships!), many women suddenly forget about this - the husband is urgently required to become something like a twin brother, completely sharing all the opinions and beliefs of his wife !
And it doesn’t matter that you were brought up in different families, have different life experiences, it doesn’t even matter that the psychology of women is very different from men... THIS IS THE ONLY FRIED EGGS!!!
And so the woman begins to nag her husband without ceasing... Until she gets better!
What does “sawing” mean?
Before starting the fight against such a phenomenon as “gaps” of the male brain, it would be nice to understand what it is and why it appears. First you need to figure out what it is - a “drinking” wife.
How does a man influence other people and the world around him as a whole? By force. Both intellectual and physical strength. Some representatives of this half of humanity do not disdain to influence the weaker ones in this way - women and children. This feature of influencing others in order to achieve something from them is genetic. Once upon a time, a man obtained food, protected his home and seized various material assets from his neighbors using physical force.
A woman is deprived of such an opportunity from the very beginning. Even the physically strongest woman is still weaker than a man. Accordingly, nature has endowed the fair sex with other qualities through which women influence their loved ones and others. That is, they affect on an emotional level and directly on the minds of men. As in cases of men using violence against weaker people, including members of their own families, in situations where a wife constantly “nags” her husband, we are talking about abuse of natural characteristics.
Simply put, a man hits, a woman nags. These are absolutely similar phenomena, each of which is a reason to contact a family psychologist.
Sawing actions due to lack of emotions
Another reason why a wife nags her husband is simple boredom and a lack of passion in the relationship. If this is true for your family, solving the problem will not be difficult. You should simply give your wife what she wants, that is, attention, passion, ardor, romance, and so on.
Often you won’t have to perform “feats”. As a rule, a tender look, a kiss in the morning, a bouquet of flowers in the evening and invitations to dates are enough. Even such a banality as a date on the street, somewhere in a park, works wonders. After all, usually people living under the same roof do not go on dates the same as at the beginning of their relationship. Accordingly, such a pastime will stir up a lot of memories and revive fading feelings. That is, what the woman nagged the man will happen for.
