Even with the most wonderful husband, at times you become angry, irritated, and don’t understand why he does something this way and not another way, while he doesn’t do other things at all. I would like to explain to him, but, oddly enough, the words of “truth” make few people happy, and tension appears in the relationship. How can you learn to manage your emotions, improve your relationship with your husband, without breaking yourself or pretending?
Today I want to share a three-step technique that helps me and many other women create a loving family life!
Husband is annoying: reasons
Over the years of living together and understatement, a lump of mutual grievances grows more and more. If spouses communicate little and do not have the habit of reaching agreement, then it is not surprising that over time the wife becomes enraged by the husband and vice versa. Every family has its own irritants. For example, one is not satisfied with the mess and scattering of socks around the house, the other is not satisfied with her husband’s unbalanced behavior while driving.
In general, my husband is annoying for various reasons, including slurping, snoring and stupid hairstyle. Just remember Charlotte, the heroine of the famous TV series Sex and the City. She was infuriated when her husband left tea bags on the table, and this despite the fact that the woman preferred perfect cleanliness. Over time, many realize that they are completely different people, their interests do not coincide. Where did they look at the beginning of the relationship?
What to do if your husband is annoying? First, figure out the reasons for your dissatisfaction. Perhaps the man mirrors your attitude or behavior? During the period of falling in love, the body produces endorphins, which interfere with a sober assessment of the situation. At the same time, each of us has an idea in our heads of how it is “should” and how it is “correct”. But trying to remake a person is a big mistake, psychologists say.
Here are other reasons why your husband is annoying:
- Constantly being together. If you work together and also live together, then you have no time to relax and miss each other. Over time, a woman develops a feeling of hopelessness.
- Lack of attention or lack of freedom. If a man is annoying, you need to correctly determine the reason. To develop a normal, healthy relationship, spouses must take a break from each other, and also pay attention and work on the relationship.
- Hormonal changes. The restructuring of the body during pregnancy leads to stress, so a woman may become irritated and offended by little things. During this period, many people say: “My husband annoys me.” Over time, this will pass, as will the reluctance to be intimate after childbirth.
- Lots of responsibilities. Sometimes women take on an unbearable burden: work, housekeeping, child care. While the man comes home from work and rests. The unhealthy situation in the family is heating up, and the wife takes out her fatigue and dissatisfaction on her husband.
- Sexual dissatisfaction. It is important for a woman to enjoy sex, otherwise the constant lack of attention develops from dissatisfaction into resentment and constant irritation. Some people are infuriated by their husbands for this very reason.
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The closer a person is to us, the more we show our irritation. We keep our face in front of others, because it is unclear how an outsider might react to an outburst of anger. What to do if everything is annoying? It is necessary to take action, since it is this feeling that gradually destroys relationships, leading to quarrels and scandals.
Why did my husband become aggressive and irritable: possible reasons
Psychologists say that all the reasons that cause attacks of anger and aggression in men are conditionally classified into two types:
- psychological - most often, laid down at the genetic level. Under the influence of external factors, negative excitability increases;
- physiological - stress, fatigue, sleep problems, stress.
Let's look at common models of male aggression.
The husband was initially aggressive (hot-tempered, irritable, nervous, etc.)
Every person has a different character and temperament. The specific behavior and reaction to irritating factors are formed over the years. Parents' relationships with each other, childhood psychological trauma, poor relationships with classmates - all this gives rise to short temper and a tendency to aggressive behavior in society.
Irritability is an integral character trait, displacing tolerance, gentleness, and the ability to compassion. Aggression becomes a basic component of a man’s temperament. Outbursts of anger accompany him constantly, for no apparent reason. The provoking factor is almost impossible to identify.
Irritability in women and men
In everyday life, men and women may encounter involuntary manifestations of nervous irritability. Irritability in psychiatry implies a negative reaction to previously acceptable things. For example, when even a poorly closed closet causes a burst of aggression or a pet lying peacefully at your feet. Most often this occurs against the background of an external negative influence - an irritant. Such a reaction in any of its manifestations is not considered normal and more often occurs due to malfunctions of the nervous system.
For what reasons do men and women experience irritability?
The main reason for this manifestation is the increased excitability of the nervous system at the time of external stimuli. Such outbursts of emotions are not always considered a consequence of central nervous system failures. Often, even the most emotionally stable people can be influenced by factors: fatigue, disappointment, depression. Such negativity weakens the emotional state, which increases the risk of failures.
The causes of irritability can be divided into several categories:
— Hereditary – arise due to the psychosomatic type of individuals in one family;
— Somatic – fatigue, hormonal imbalances, metabolic disorders;
— External – problems in life, emotional imbalance.
The activation of irritability can be influenced by factors such as alcoholism, drug addiction, infectious diseases, dementia and even mental disorders. If an aggressive reaction to the environment occurs frequently, then it is necessary to contact specialists to determine the exact cause and develop an effective plan for restoring the central nervous system.
What symptoms should you pay attention to?
— Emotional excitability even under the influence of minor external factors (for example, an incorrectly placed cup on the table causes an attack of anger);
— Increasing feeling of everyday fatigue (you want to quit everything and just relax, doing nothing);
— Pessimism and manifestations of apathy towards previously interesting objects, people, things;
- Manifestation of insomnia, even with characteristic fatigue.
Each of these signs may be a manifestation of disturbances in the functioning of the nervous system, which is why irritability occurs. It is important to understand that aggression and excessive emotionality are only an external manifestation of a problem that is hidden inside a person.
Is there a difference between irritability in men and women?
Hysteria, tearfulness and bitchiness are the first manifestations of increased stress on a woman’s nervous system. Problems in your personal life, the need to provide for yourself financially and other factors lead to mental imbalance. This is where the stereotype arose that single women (with or without children) are more aggressive and less friendly.
Men's psyche is more resistant to irritants. But the cause of aggression often lies in external factors and hormonal imbalances. If you feel chronic fatigue, irritability and even tearfulness, then it is worth checking your testosterone hormone level - it will probably be low. There is even a separate term - male menopause. It is typical for men aged 40 to 55 years.
Irritability is fixable
The main thing is that emotional imbalance can be restored by correcting sleep, improving nutrition and lifestyle. It is rational for men to take a course of hormonal stabilization (perhaps join a gym or simply change the environment). For women, there is effective therapy aimed at reassessing life circumstances.
What to do if your husband has become aggressive and irritable. Advice from psychologists.
If you are faced with the problem of aggressive behavior on the part of your spouse, learn to control the situation - do not shout or get angry at each other. Think about the psychological motives for this behavior of a man:
- outbursts of anger indicate physical and emotional weakness. When a person starts screaming, he wants to do this out of despair, inability to solve the problem in any other way;
- Be honest with yourself - perhaps his behavior is also your fault. Especially if the man was not like this before. Think about what you did wrong, perhaps provoked a conflict somewhere. If yes, apologize. If there is no guilt, offer your spouse practical help. For example, a trip to a psychologist;
- It has become a habit for your husband to be angry with you - he takes out all his troubles on his other half. Anger becomes a form of suffering in a person. By insulting his wife, the husband thereby insults himself. Aggression destroys from the inside, leading to emotional and mental burnout. The boomerang effect is triggered - by making you suffer, your spouse also experiences moral torment;
- Anger is a sign of weakness , psychologists say. Strong, self-confident individuals use other methods of persuasion.
