Female alcoholism: 5+ symptoms and consequences - how to cure and help your wife quit drinking alcohol

Divorces in the modern world have long become commonplace. But, despite this, even after dissolving the official marriage and dividing the acquired property, a man may unexpectedly face the problem of how to forget his ex-wife. The time spent by the former spouses together will forever be preserved in their memory. But how to get rid of memories that traumatize the soul?

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And, although they are more restrained than women, they also worry and get nervous if their family life collapses. Their memories of the children left with their ex-wife are especially disturbing. Now you won't have to see them as often as before. Articles on the topic

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Female alcoholism - what is it?

A complex psycho-narcological disease, characterized by a pronounced and abnormal addiction to drinking alcohol, is called female alcoholism. During the chronic stage of the disease, alcohol is consumed uncontrollably, in large quantities, without regard to its quality and strength.

The consequences of systematic alcohol consumption are pathological damage to internal organs and systems, destruction of brain functions, personality degradation, loss of social connections and moral guidelines.

Types of female alcoholism

Narcologists classify alcohol dependence according to several factors. Gender (male and female alcoholism), age (adult and child alcoholism), and the nature of alcohol consumption (binge, chronic, latent, etc. alcoholism) are taken into account. Female alcoholism is usually classified according to the type of alcohol consumed. The most common of them are wine, beer and vodka.

Alcoholism in women implies a craving for either one of these types, or several at once. However, no matter what a woman prefers to consume, uncontrolled consumption leads to inevitable negative consequences.

Wine alcoholism

Like other alcohol, frequent consumption of wine in uncontrolled doses quickly develops addiction. The ethanol contained in wine quickly spreads through the blood and leads to a state of intoxication, the peak of which occurs after about an hour.

The opinion that drinking wine (especially if the product is of good quality) cannot lead to alcoholism is deeply erroneous. Although the ethanol content in wine is lower than in strong alcohol, addiction occurs as quickly as when drinking vodka. It is enough to drink wine systematically and increase the amount you drink in order to confidently diagnose alcoholism after a certain time.

Beer alcoholism

This type of alcoholism is characterized by a pathological craving for beer. Most often wears a hidden uniform. A woman who drinks beer uncontrollably and systematically receives the following consequences:

Gastrointestinal diseases due to activation of fermentation processes in the body.
Hormonal imbalances. In men, beer alcoholism leads to gynecomastia and the characteristic “beer belly.” Women develop a “beer mustache”, their voice deepens, their figure becomes blurry and squat.
Reproductive dysfunction, menstrual cycle disruption. If a woman drinks during pregnancy, the consequence may be a mutation in the fetus.
Diseases of the heart and blood vessels, hypertension, enlarged “beer heart”.
Excessive beer consumption kills liver cells. The result is liver failure and cirrhosis.

And of course, the main consequence is growing addiction, which requires serious medical treatment.

Vodka alcoholism

Drinking strong alcoholic drinks is typical for women who are in a state of binge drinking. There is no quick cure here. It is necessary to conduct a course of detoxification, symptomatic and psychotherapeutic treatment to relieve cravings.

Vodka alcoholism rapidly shortens a woman’s lifespan, which is why it is so important to seek professional help as soon as possible.

Click here to view the conditions, tariffs and prices for treatment

Symptoms and signs of alcoholism in women

Like most people, a woman who drinks is unlikely to be able to recognize in herself the symptoms and signs that indicate the transition of everyday drunkenness into addiction. Changes indicating the first stage of alcoholism can only be noticed by close people who have been with her for a long time.

Symptoms of alcoholism in women

You should sound the alarm if your wife, mother or daughter has the following symptoms:

Increased interest in alcohol, search for any excuse to drink.
Aggression towards people who try to dissuade her from drinking too much.
Constantly increasing the dose of alcohol to achieve the desired degree of intoxication.
Refusal of snacks, loss of appetite during the feast.
Loss of interest in things that were previously part of a woman's life.
Change of priorities and moral values.
Possible hidden alcoholism, desire to drink alone.
Unjustified rudeness towards loved ones, hysterics.
Reluctance to communicate with loved ones.

If these symptoms are present, then most likely we can talk about the initial stage of female alcohol addiction. It is worth paying attention to what she spends money on, how she looks for another reason or reason to take a dose of alcohol.

Signs of alcoholism in women

If you pay attention to some changes in a woman’s appearance, you can promptly notice signs that indicate an addiction that threatens to turn into a harmful addiction. A woman’s appearance primarily suffers from uncontrolled use:

Swollen face, bruises under the eyes (this is a sign that there are problems in the functioning of the renal and cardiovascular systems).
Reddish or jaundiced skin tone.
A meaningless look that comes to life only after the woman sees or drinks a new portion of alcohol.
Poor coordination of movements, unsteady gait.
Weight loss, change in posture, angular figure with loose skin.
Low rough voice.

As the addiction grows, the signs become more obvious and appear in increasing numbers. To prevent changes from becoming irreversible, urgent treatment must be started. Alas, it will not be possible to completely restore your appearance, at least according to your age, because drinking alcohol causes early aging.

Stages of alcohol dependence in women

Alcohol addiction in women develops gradually: it all starts with taking small doses and, in rare cases, to a complete loss of control over what they drink, up to the collapse of personality and irreversible somatic pathologies.

First stage

A woman gets a psychological craving for drinking alcohol. A bad day, boredom, troubles at work, problems in the family, a birthday or an office party - whatever happens, everything is a reason for drinking. There are no mental disorders at this stage, but one can observe how control over the amount of drink is gradually lost, and any feast for her should end in severe intoxication. And although a woman is still able to be critical of herself, she is unlikely to admit even to herself that she is becoming dependent.

Second stage

Severe physical dependence. Characterized by severe withdrawal symptoms. The body has developed a tolerance to ethanol, so now, in order to achieve the desired intoxication, a woman needs to drink more. The higher the dose, the greater the concentration of acetaldehyde, so the effects of intoxication become more severe.

At the second stage, a woman develops a characteristic appearance: a puffy face, swollen lips, slitted eyes, loose skin, spider veins, and sudden weight loss.

Third stage

At this stage, alcohol becomes the meaning of existence for a woman. To get drunk, a small dose of alcohol is enough for her. True binges often occur; in this state, a woman experiences an unconscious and irresistible craving for drinking. Cognitive functions decrease, moral and mental degradation occurs. The situation is aggravated by serious, often irreversible damage to internal organs and systems. The third stage often ends in a painful fatal outcome.

Ignoring

Numerous conversations do not always help to convey to a woman the fact that family ties have been destroyed once and for all. Reviews from professionals and men themselves who have gone through this thorny path prove that ignoring is one of the best ways for those who do not know how to get rid of their wife.

Firstly, do not react to the latest scandals and behave as naturally as possible.
Secondly, your wife will provoke and manipulate you, so the best way is to leave the common home for a while in order to calmly complete the divorce process. Well, if this is not possible, then it is important to limit the living space and warn that there is now a huge wall between you. This means that from now on everyone solves their problems themselves, as well as taking care of themselves. However, this method also has pitfalls: women quickly cool down and can start pestering, which will only cause hatred from their husband.

Causes of female alcoholism

Most often, the cause of female alcoholism is a combination of factors. This may be a hereditary predisposition, psychological or social problems.

Physiological problems

The following physiological factors can influence female addiction:

Heredity. According to statistics, approximately 30% of children of alcoholics become addicted in adulthood.
Mental disorders: depression, schizophrenia, etc.
Organic brain lesions.

Social factors

Alcoholism in women may be a consequence of social factors. Examples include the following situations:

The woman is married or in a relationship with an alcoholic.
Communication with marginalized sections of society.
The influence of authority on a woman's personality.
Alcoholic drinks as the basis of friendly communication in familiar company.
Low level of education and material wealth.

Psychological problems

Perhaps this is the most common cause of female alcoholism. After a stressful and traumatic situation, everyone needs support, and if a woman has not found it, then most likely she will find solace in a bottle. Triggers may include, for example, the following problems:

Bullying in the family, at work or at school.
Physical or sexual abuse.
Sexual harassment by a supervisor or teacher.
Divorce, widowhood, breakup.
Loss of a loved one.
Financial crisis, growing debts.
Extreme stressful situations: fire, robbery, attack, etc.

If something similar happened to you or your wife or a close woman, you don’t need to bury the problem inside, as it won’t go away, but on the contrary, it can develop into something more terrible - an illness or addiction. That is why it is so important to contact psychologists. They will determine the root causes that prompted the woman to fall into the chains of addiction.

What to do if a woman regularly drinks alcohol

If alcohol consumption has reached a systematic level, and the dose is constantly increasing, then the best choice is to go to a drug treatment clinic. We treat female alcohol addiction at any stage. After consultation and examination, the doctor will draw up an individual treatment plan. If the patient does not admit the fact of the disease, the psychologist will convince the woman to accept treatment using a motivational conversation, which is called an intervention.

Drug treatment

After removing the woman from the binge and carrying out the detoxification procedure, the doctor prescribes medication. Pharmacotherapy will restore sleep, stabilize the emotional background, and eliminate somatic diseases. Additionally, the doctor may prescribe physical therapy and massage to speed up the restoration of physiological functions.

Coding, which is carried out with medication, psychotherapy or hardware, stops the craving for drinking alcohol for a given time. After this, further treatment can be continued.

Psychotherapy

Most often, the basis of alcohol dependence in women is psychological; identifying them is the beginning of successful psychotherapeutic treatment. According to the experience of doctors, women are more willing to share their experiences and problems with doctors due to their emotional nature and general suggestibility. Thanks to this, a psychotherapist can quickly identify the root cause of addiction and eliminate its impact on the psyche.

If alcoholism has not reached the stage of personality degradation, when a woman is still not indifferent to moral, ethical and family values, group and individual psychotherapeutic sessions will help. The presence of loved ones and people with similar problems will make it possible to speed up the process of returning to normal life.

Rehabilitation

A rehabilitation course must be completed - this will consolidate the success of the previous treatment. At the first stage of alcoholism, outpatient rehabilitation is possible, but for women with the second and third stages of addiction, inpatient rehabilitation in conditions of complete isolation will be required.

Why is rehabilitation so important for women alcoholics? Firstly, the risk of failure is eliminated. Secondly, access to alcohol is excluded. Thirdly, the clinic’s specialists monitor the patient’s health status around the clock.

Our clinic offers patients almost sanatorium-like conditions: four meals a day, walks, a swimming pool, and physical education classes. None of the women refuses art therapy, because here you can choose a hobby to your liking and spend time profitably.

Group psychotherapy sessions are an opportunity to make new acquaintances and share your own experience of recovery.

The result of the course of treatment is that our patients leave the clinic as practically healthy people.

12 steps

This program, which is successfully used in the best drug treatment clinics in the world, is also used in our clinic. The essence of the 12 Steps program is that an addicted person will not be able to cope with the problem on their own; only qualified medical care and assistance from people with the same problems will help them get on the path to recovery and getting rid of their addiction.

During collective sessions, a psychologist helps women recognize the fact of addiction, find defects that impede recovery, and identify internal resources for positive changes.

The 12 Steps program can be attended not only by women alcoholics, but also by their loved ones. This will help them better understand themselves and the psychological background of a woman’s addiction.

Traditional methods

In an attempt to cure a woman of alcoholism, many seek salvation in folk methods. How many similar cases have there been in the practice of doctors at our clinic! Meanwhile, many folk methods are not only harmful, but also dangerous.

We understand that this comes from a sincere desire to help, but the result of traditional methods of treatment will either bring a short-term effect or will not give a result at all.

Turning to witch doctors, healers and other psychics is a waste of money and precious time.

No one has yet been cured of alcoholism by spells, prayers and magical rituals. This also takes away precious time from the sick woman. If faith helps you to persevere through a problem, then pray about it. But prayer will not cure addiction.

My husband is an abuser. How to get out of a destructive relationship?

In recent years, a lot has been said and written about domestic violence. And no one needs to explain what the term “Abuse” means—everyone has heard this word for a long time. But, unfortunately, many women still live in destructive relationships and are daily subjected to abuse (violence) by their husbands and cannot escape from this hell and continue to suffer.

They dream of stopping all this, but do not find the strength to escape from this nightmare. And, as practice shows, the stronger the violence, the less strength there is to change something... And the abuser takes advantage of the powerlessness of his “victim” until she has recovered from another shock, until she has managed to get stronger and realize that something not so, he again hits where it hurts, throwing her off balance.

His main task is to first disarm her, and then attack her defenselessly. This is not a fair fight. He can forbid her to study and work, he drives all her friends away from her. Often he stops her communication with family and friends. And when she is left alone, without support and support, dependent on him in every sense, he tells her: “Your name is zero. Nobody needs you but me. No one will tolerate you anymore...” And she is left alone in her nightmare.

The best thing you can do in such a situation is to recognize the abuser in the early stages of the relationship and run wherever you look, fleeing the abuser. But this is not so easy to do, because in the first stages of a relationship with an abuser it is often a delight! This is a fairytale. He knows how to look after you beautifully and turn your head. And nothing foretells trouble... And when the bird is already caught in a cage, then gradual systematic bullying begins, the destruction of its self-esteem, the moral and/or physical destruction of its “victim”. Skillful, disgusting manipulation. Betrayal, lies, humiliation. Accusing her that it was because of her that he became like this...

How to recognize an abuser at the beginning of a relationship? How does he signal that you should not enter into a relationship with him under any circumstances?

1. Too beautiful courtship and quick rapprochement.

He will look after you beautifully and elegantly. He will shower you with flowers and gifts, make beautiful sweeping gestures, and promise to get a star from the sky (by the way, a sign that he has nothing - promising to get a star from the sky is a very beautiful gesture and completely free).

At the very beginning of a relationship, abusers can be surprisingly caring and attentive, which is why they manage to quickly turn the head of their “victim,” because no one has ever looked after her like that or shown so much care and attention. They begin to gradually fill all personal space, every minute of free time and every centimeter of free space, which instantly causes dependence on their partner.

They very quickly offer to start living together, before the “victim” has time to come to his senses and take a closer look, and they often quickly offer to get married. At the very beginning of a relationship, they can shower you with expensive gifts, take your partner on an expensive, mind-blowing trip, and arrange dinners in the most luxurious restaurants. Then, not infrequently, she finds out that the funds for all these grand gestures were borrowed, on credit, secured by something, and then she, the “victim,” will literally pay for all her beautiful gifts - dinners, fur coats , trips, because finances have become joint... But that will happen later. And first a fairy tale from which she loses her head.

A mature, mentally healthy man will most likely court in a more modest and more old-fashioned manner. Because he understands that he is choosing a life partner and he wants, first of all, to get to know her better, to get to know her better in order to understand whether she is suitable for the role of a lady of the heart or not. Because the quality of future relationships is important to him.

This is not important for the abuser, because there will be no quality in the relationship with him. He'll take care of it. It is important for him to catch this butterfly in the net, because as a woman, as a person, she is not very interested in him. He is not at all interested in her feelings, because he only thinks about himself. Depending on the type of abuser, he is interested in her as a beautiful, sophisticated accessory (if he is a narcissistic type) for such a large and important person, or as a source of resource (if he is an infantile, immature, dependent type) - emotional or financial.

2. Emotional roller coaster.

Abusers tend to experience sudden and severe mood swings. Just five minutes ago he was in some kind of ecstatic delight, ready to carry you in his arms, pull stars from the sky and showered you with gifts. And now he sharply slams the door, gifts fly out the window or into the wall - he was offended because of some carelessly spoken word... This, too, is often the reason why the “victim” falls into dependence - with such your partner is not bored. Life on the stage of the Bolshoi Drama Theater looks very impressive and alluring. In women, men are often divided into two types. The first is quiet, amoebic, boring men, with whom life turns into a “swamp.” And the second is abusers, with whom it is not boring, but painful. The truth is that there are many more intermediate options, but, as a rule, victims of abuse do not see them. Therefore, it can be very difficult to abandon these relationships, because there is an illusion that the next partner will either be the same abuser or will be the opposite - and you don’t want to live in a swamp either...

3. Pathological jealousy and total control.

Many people consider jealousy to be a sign of falling in love. Well, of course, who among us has not experienced a feeling of jealousy when we are in love? But in an abuser, jealousy is pathological and destructive.

If this is a narcissistic type, then he treats his woman as property and is annoyed by any attention that other men give her. Because she is his thing, and only he can use his things. He perceives any attention from other men as an attack on his property. If she talks to someone or someone gives her a compliment, this causes wild aggression. That is, she does not need to give her any reasons for jealousy. It is enough for her to simply be interesting and attractive to cause terrible aggression on the part of her partner. And here a kind of vicious circle arises. The narcissist wants to see a bright and attractive woman next to him, such a worthy accessory. But at the same time, he is annoyed that his “accessory” has the audacity to communicate with someone else. He begins to forbid her to wear clothes that are too revealing, in his opinion. Apply too bright makeup, do stylish hairstyles. But then, over time, he reproaches her for turning into a gray mouse and not worthy of being his mate. He says she disappoints him. A woman in such a situation is completely confused. No matter what she does, she is always to blame. Looks bright - causes terrible jealousy, looks faded - not worthy to be next to him.

Moreover, the narcissist himself, as a rule, constantly cheats on his wife and considers this the norm. He may not even hide his infidelities and convince his wife that this is normal. Or the fact that she herself is to blame for his infidelities - she allegedly pushed him to this.

If the abuser turns out to be an infantile, dependent type, then he is jealous because of terrible self-doubt and because of the fear of losing the source of the resources he needs. For this type of man, women are usually more successful and developed than themselves. Their wives often occupy higher positions or even have their own businesses, earn more and have a higher social status. He understands that she is attractive, interesting and successful, makes great use of everything she gets and is terribly afraid of losing it all.

He harasses her and destroys her self-esteem because he doesn't want her to think she deserves something better. He needs her to become morally dependent on him so that he does not lose everything that he has from her.

And in order to keep the “victim” in his power, the abuser gives her total control and does everything to isolate her. He can isolate her physically - not allow her to leave the house without him. He also begins to manipulate her, suggesting that no one will need her if they break up. He manipulates those around her, feeding everyone false information about her. He creates scandals and hysterics if he finds out that she is discussing their relationship with someone and “washes dirty laundry in public”, telling relatives and friends about their problems. And he gets terribly offended if she spends time with someone without him, suggesting that she should only want to be with him.

4. Total disrespect.

Since the abuser treats his “victim” as property, and not as a person, as a separate person, he absolutely does not want her to have any own opinion, personal interests, any goals and desires. And, naturally, she should not have any feelings. And if they exist, then they are of little interest to him. As I wrote above, he is completely focused on himself and his interests.

One of my clients, who has been dancing professionally since childhood and dreamed of performing on the big stage, said that her husband called her work “dancing.” Another client, who worked as the director of a large enterprise, and her husband was a driver in this company, told how he always complained that he was terribly tired at work, while she was there, in an easy chair, “shifting papers” all day long.

The abuser constantly devalues all achievements and successes, all the feelings and dreams of his victim.

5. Total irresponsibility.

When an abuser tells you about his relatives, friends, boss, ex, you can hear a lot of accusations against them, and he sees absolutely no responsibility in all these relationships. Listen - he will tell you everything himself. It's his ex's fault that he went on a spree. The boss is to blame for firing him. Friends are to blame for dragging him into some unsuccessful business...

When the husband of one of my clients took it out on her, he later apologized with the words: “It’s not my fault, it’s my parents who raised me this way. Help me change." But most abusers don’t even know how to apologize; they regard it as humiliation. They are not guilty of anything, so why apologize?

And then gradually, in the same way, he will begin to blame you for everything. The fact that he cheats, drinks, breaks down and hits you - you will be to blame for all this. It’s not him who is like that, it’s you who brought him to this state.

This is not a complete list of signs of an abuser, but these are the most common and clear markers that you are in a destructive relationship. If in your new relationship you observe most of these manifestations in your partner, think a thousand times before entering into a serious relationship with him. Even if he does not raise his hand to you and there is no threat of physical violence, then cruel emotional violence will definitely be provided to you.

If a woman nevertheless gets caught in the network of an abuser, then it can be very difficult to get out of this relationship.

When, nevertheless, our “victim” begins to realize that she is living in a nightmare and her relationship is destructive and tries to end it, new difficulties begin. Many women finally understand how terrible it was only after they break up with the abuser and a certain time has passed, which allows them to recover and take a breath. Being in these relationships, a woman often, as if hypnotized, cannot fully understand and accept that emotional and/or physical violence is being committed against her. Therefore, it is difficult for her to make a decision and break off this relationship.

What's stopping her? How to get out of a destructive relationship?

It would seem that if a husband humiliates and beats, then any sane woman should pack her things and run away from him. Yes, even without things... Just to be saved. But it was not there. As I already said, abusers are skilled manipulators.

They not only oppress their “victim,” but also bring her to such a state that she considers herself to blame for everything that happens. Or they intimidate their “victim” so much that she is simply afraid to leave him.

Women often come to consultations with the following two requests: “I want to get out of a destructive relationship, but it’s not working” and “I’m afraid that if I leave, I’ll be left alone or I’ll get into another abuse again.”

Thus, we identify in each specific case what exactly is the reason that keeps a woman in a destructive relationship, and we work through these reasons.

The most common reasons that keep the “victim” close to the abuser are:

1. Strong feeling of guilt.

The abuser convinces his partner that he is to blame for his destructive behavior. Why do women believe this? I often hear the following:

“But at the very beginning of the relationship he was not like that, he began to behave like that later. So it’s my fault that I made him like this.”

And they sincerely believe in it. And at first it is not easy to dissuade her from this, convincing her that a person has such a personality structure, formed in early childhood under the influence of the people who raised him and in any other relationship he will behave the same way.

And instead of saving herself and running away, she tries hard to correct the situation, trying to change her partner or change herself in order to atone for her guilt. Very often I hear the following comments addressed to my partner:

“In general, he is a good person. I love him, he is a good husband, father, he is respected at work. But when he drinks, he goes wild. But this doesn't happen often. So what if my jaw and two ribs are broken - that was a year ago, now he doesn’t do that. Now he's holding back and just yelling at me. But it doesn't happen often."

“But no, mine doesn’t drink at all. He just has some kind of attacks of aggression - it’s me who really brings him to this…”

“We had so many good things in the past...”

It is very important to understand the following: no matter how much you change, the abuser will always find something to complain about. The reason for his aggression is not in you, but in himself. And he will always find a reason. You have already learned to speak quietly and kindly, walk on tiptoe, cook exceptionally tasty food, dress modestly and obey him in everything, but... The refrigerator is dirty!!!

And it is impossible to re-educate an adult. Many years ago, his parents failed to raise him, or rather, they raised him exactly like that, and now it’s impossible to re-educate an adult. And you won’t be able to explain anything to him. You've probably already explained everything to him many times. After all, I still don’t understand? Yes, in fact, he understands everything, he just doesn’t admit his guilt. He is not used to taking responsibility for his actions. He will always find a scapegoat who will be to blame for his anger. And, most likely, he will even believe it himself.

If the husband himself admits that he has a problem and he wants to change and save the family, you can help him find a good specialist - a psychologist or psychotherapist, so that he can undergo psychocorrectional work. But you need to be prepared for the fact that therapy will take months. Or maybe years. It won't change quickly.

A person as a whole is what he is as a whole. There is no need to have any illusions that yesterday he gave flowers - it was him, and today he broke your rib - it was a demon that possessed him. If a demon has taken possession, call an experienced exorcist. After the exorcist does not help, you will still have to understand that in general he is the same as he appears - with flowers and beatings, and with tenderness and with attacks of aggression. It's ALL him.

2. Pity and sympathy

As soon as the abuser realizes that the “victim” is off the hook and wants to get out of the relationship, he begins to put intense pressure on pity and evoke sympathy. Yesterday he insulted you, humiliated you and beat you, today, when you packed your things and decided to leave, he falls at your feet, sobs, begs for one last chance and promises to improve. He says that without you he will not survive and will die, or hang himself, because he does not want to live without you.

Victims of abuse, as a rule, are very compassionate people or even prone to rescue. They continue to believe and hope that their partner behaves sincerely and that he will improve. As practice shows, there can be many such attempts to leave and stay out of pity before she realizes that he will never change. Yes, he really feels bad, he really suffers and, perhaps, he even believes that he will change. But when the partner remains close, it is no longer bad - and there is no motivation for change... He very quickly forgets about his promises and continues his violence against the victim.

3. Extreme feelings of shame and lack of support.

As I already wrote above, the abuser tries with all his might to isolate his partner and alienate him from his usual environment. Or she creates a distorted image of her among friends and relatives, and over the years she loses contact with them. Therefore, it happens that a woman simply has nowhere to turn for help and get support.

Or she doesn’t talk about her problems because she feels extreme shame. She is ashamed to admit to her loved ones that she got into such a relationship and she keeps silent about her problems so as not to experience this shame.

Therefore, women often come to a consultation with a request to understand their feelings and receive the support of a psychologist.

4. Fear and destroyed self-esteem.

It is not uncommon for women to be held back in these relationships by many fears. Moreover, fears can be different. Fear that he will take revenge on her and the children, that he will take revenge on his family and friends if she leaves him. Fear that he will be able to take the children. Fear that she won’t cope and won’t be able to provide for her family alone.

Since the abuser destroyed the self-esteem of his “victim” for many years, now she is really afraid and believes that no one will need her. Especially if she has children.

5. Low-adaptive attitudes (introjects).

Even if the victim’s environment knows that she is being subjected to domestic violence, unfortunately, many still do not see anything terrible in this. Her mother and friends tell her:

“Everyone has problems in their family. Everyone endures and you endure”

“This is apparently your cross, and you have to bear it.”

Such attitudes migrate from generation to generation:

“God endured and commanded us.”

"You can't destroy a family."

“He hits, it means he loves.”

Well, and many other similar nonsense. And the entire family system inspires her that there is nothing wrong with this - everyone lives like this.

6. Distorted idea of yourself and men.

As my experience shows, most often the victims of abuse are women who were raised by an abusive father. The father is the first and main man in a girl’s life. A man is an example, a man is a standard. It is by looking at him that she will learn how to treat a woman, how a woman should be treated. And if she has been watching for many years how her father insults and humiliates her mother, beats her, she gets used to the fact that men behave like this with women. And she doesn’t know any other example for herself.

Sometimes a girl, observing her father’s behavior like this, decides that she does not want to repeat her mother’s fate. Then she chooses not another man, but the complete opposite of her father - a quiet, withdrawn, weak-willed man. This is where the idea arises that men are divided into two types - either abusers, or those with whom there is an emotional “swamp”.

Also, over time, victims of abuse begin to believe that they deserve such treatment and come to terms with the fact that they are simply not worthy of any other relationship. This traumatizes the person’s psyche and makes him a victim who gets used to living in an atmosphere of violence. Therefore, when they part with one abuser, they find another. Here you cannot do without professional psychological help.

7. Trying to endure and stay in this relationship for the sake of the children.

I wrote in detail about why you can’t save a marriage for the sake of your children in the articles: “How parents cripple their children by sacrificing themselves” and “The worst reason for saving a marriage.”

If a woman encounters these and other reasons that prevent her from leaving a destructive relationship, I recommend seeking help from a psychologist or psychotherapist. All these points are quite successfully worked out in therapeutic work.

So, in order to recognize an abuser, check your relationship according to the following criteria:

Your partner regularly humiliates you, treats you rudely and hurts you: hits, pushes, pinches, grabs;
Constantly controls, doesn’t trust, is jealous, checks where you are, reads your mail, social media. Networks, constantly checks the phone;
Attributes his outbursts of anger to alcohol or drug intoxication, to the fact that his parents, boss, neighbor are to blame, or blames you for this;
Forces or persuades you to do things that you don’t want or like, including in bed;
It prevents you from doing what you want and enjoy - doing your favorite things, spending time with friends;
Depreciates your successes and achievements, does not take into account your opinion and your feelings;
Embarrasses you in front of others, publicly insults and humiliates you, tells others false information about you;
Makes you think that no one needs you anymore and no one can stand you;
Uses you as a container to drain accumulated negativity;
Uses you financially (“pumps out” money, forces you to take out loans, forces you to go into debt);

If you regularly encounter this in your relationship, if you want to end this relationship, but cannot decide - seek help!

If you cannot cope with your emotions - you have decided to leave, but are emotionally pulled back - seek help from a psychologist!

PS If physical violence has already appeared in your relationship, you URGENTLY need to seek help from law enforcement agencies!

Take care of yourself!

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Advice for husbands of alcoholic women

It is a medical fact: women's addiction to alcohol develops much faster than men's. Uncontrolled drinking gradually destroys health, psyche, appearance, and often the result is death.

The husband of an alcoholic woman needs to understand that in such a situation it is useless to put pressure on his conscience and start educating him - this time has already passed. Addiction does not obey the laws of logic, does not track cause-and-effect relationships, and does not know how to distinguish good from bad. It is important that a woman realizes that alcoholism is her problem, and she needs to solve the problem herself. You don’t need to follow her lead, succumb to persuasion that this is the last time she drinks, don’t give money for drinks: there won’t be a last time if you don’t start treatment.

If you can get through, then you need to persuade the woman to accept qualified treatment. Advice: start conversations when the woman is sober. It is important to avoid reproaches, scandals, and physical influence. Your moral support can give a good result, and the woman will agree to treatment.

Meanwhile, a man should not forget about his life. Take several sessions with a psychologist, attend support groups for codependents, focus on your health - together, this will help you get through difficult times.

How can a woman quit alcohol on her own?

Let us note right away that for women, independent cessation of alcohol is possible only at the first stage of psychological dependence. The second and third stages will definitely require serious complex treatment in inpatient isolation.

In order to stop drinking, a woman needs to take a few simple steps.

Awareness of the problem

Think about what is the reason that you started drinking more often?

Does alcohol relieve stress?
Do you feel more confident after drinking?
Alcohol can't harm your health?
Female alcoholism is incurable, so there is no point in quitting?

Perhaps you will discover some reason of your own. But believe me, none of the above is anything significant. The only important thing is that growing addiction can take away everything, even life.

Therefore, self-motivation is a powerful incentive to give up alcohol. If you convince yourself that your decision is correct, then you can assume that you are already on the way to a sober life.

What to do with cravings for alcohol

Tell your family, friends, colleagues, and friends that you have decided to start a sober lifestyle. This way you will enlist their support and save yourself from the unexpected temptation to drink, because no one will come to visit you with alcohol.
If possible, change your social circle. If it's customary to celebrate any occasion at work, find a plausible excuse not to take part in the party.
Do not visit cafes and restaurants that serve alcohol, and avoid alcohol departments in stores.
Reward yourself. Buy something new, eat something delicious, choose a trip. Believe me, your efforts to quit alcohol are worth rewarding.
Play sports and lead an active lifestyle. The adrenaline rush perfectly replaces the craving for alcohol.
Get enough sleep and eat right. Insomnia or an empty stomach is additional stress for the body; you don’t need to bring yourself to it.
Keep busy every free moment. This way there will be no room for thoughts about alcohol in your head.
Make an appointment with a psychologist or attend support groups. We understand that it’s hard to cope alone, and the help of a specialist and people with similar problems is excellent support.

Consequences of alcoholism in women

The somatics of women, their psyche, and the social sphere of life suffer from the consequences of alcoholism.

Physiology

Liver cirrhosis, hepatitis, liver failure.
Congenital defects and mutations of the fetus.
Oncology.
Various pathologies of the cardiovascular system.
Menstrual irregularities, early aging and menopause.
Decreased immunity.
Risk of infection with HIV, hepatitis C, STDs.
Disability.

Psyche

Encephalopathy, loss of cognitive function, neuropsychiatric disorders.
Personality degradation.
Suicidal behavior.

Social sphere

Alas, both she and those around her suffer from female alcohol addiction.

High degree of involvement in episodes of violence and road accidents.
Injuries as a consequence of inappropriate behavior.
Decreased ability to work, job loss.
Loss of material well-being.
Offenses, crimes.
The destroyed psyche of children.
Divorce.
Deprivation of parental rights.
Loss of social connections.

If you do not start timely treatment, the outcome is bleak: death from disease, injury or mental disorders. As a consolation, we can only say that women, according to statistics, are less likely to reach this state, since they are generally more careful about their health.

What to do if your wife constantly promises to stop drinking

If an alcoholic woman wants to drink, she does not need a reason, because the reason for her can be anything - from a bad mood to a sideways glance from a neighbor. At the same time, she constantly makes promises to her husband that she will stop drinking right now and never again. Alcoholics can be very convincing, and those close to them believe and hope that everything will change soon.

Bad news. This won't change. Stop deluding yourself and start taking action because your wife needs professional help.

Contact us, we will definitely help both your wife and you. Does the woman refuse treatment? Thanks to the intervention conversation, our psychologist will give the woman the necessary motivation, after which she will agree to voluntary treatment.

Take a candid look at the state of things.

Most likely, you miss your single life. You remember how cool it used to be to walk and not worry about anything. The thought that youth will return after a divorce pushes you towards it.

But let's be honest. With myself.

Admit it, while you are in the family, it seems that if your wife were not around, you would be wooing dozens of young ladies. You would be basking in female attention, and only a fucking ring would stop you.

But is it? It's easy to talk about seduction strategies when watching from the outside. Agree that you have long lost your grip, if you had it at all. And in reality, everything may not be as rosy as it seems. And you already left your wife.

Time will pass, you will try to communicate with women. And you realize that the girls have grown up a long time ago.

And you can’t get them with sweets/flowers, as it was during your youth.

The girls grew up and became smart, cunning and treacherous. They have already been traumatized by other men, and now they are not so gullible.

No matter how hard you try, you can’t just use girls anymore. They grew teeth, tails on their butts beaten by someone, and horns to boot.

If you are so very drawn to others, then it’s better to just try. Allow yourself to go and flirt with women. Try to seduce them, interest them. Remember the game of seduction by taste.

Perhaps you will be satisfied and can again enjoy one beloved wife. Or maybe you will finally understand that you like freedom more.

Can a woman stop drinking forever?

A very pressing question for husbands whose wives suffer from alcoholism. Our answer: yes, if you undergo complex treatment consisting of several stages.

Detoxification cleanses the body of ethanol, eliminates binge drinking, and improves physical condition. However, the drip itself will not make you stop drinking forever; moreover, as soon as the woman feels better, she will want to drink again.
Encoding is the next stage in treatment. This is a procedure that, for a given period of time, creates a barrier between alcohol and the alcoholic’s desire to drink it. Cases when a woman starts drinking after coding occur very often; accordingly, coding is not a way to quit drinking forever.
Rehabilitation. As we said above, the root of addiction is buried in psychological problems. Identifying them and creating conditions under which the craving for alcohol decreases is the task of the rehabilitation course. Only rehabilitation in isolation will give a lasting result and consolidate the success of the previous stages of treatment.

Connect a lawyer

Nowadays, this is an effective method that will tell you how to get rid of your wife. You must clearly understand how you will lead your future life after the divorce. The most important problem remains children and common property, which is why the other half begins to blackmail and does not allow them to leave quietly.

A competent lawyer will tell you how to get rid of your wife using only legal means. For example, it will help to divide an apartment and a car, arrange custody of children or establish parenting rights, and also designate alimony payments.

Is it possible to cure alcoholism without the knowledge of the patient?

There are many drugs sold in pharmacies and on the Internet that supposedly can be used to cure an alcoholic woman. These drugs are secretly added to the food and drink of a sick person. How do they work? The tablets simply prevent acetaldehyde, a dangerous breakdown product of ethanol, from being broken down into harmless compounds. It is acetaldehyde that causes withdrawal symptoms. Obviously, its increased concentration can cause enormous harm to an already exhausted body.

Let's not forget about the law. In our country, compulsory treatment is prohibited at the legislative level, unless it is a court decision.

Therefore, it is impossible to treat her without the knowledge of the patient - this is ineffective, and sometimes even harmful.

Our clinic offers effective and safe treatment methods.

Be consistent

The worst thing that can happen in the process of breaking up is constant tossing and turning. First the husband leaves, then returns, begs on his knees for forgiveness from his wife, and then again remembers what pushed him to take this step. These tossing slowly but surely burns love out of a woman’s heart, tormenting her and making her nervous and irritable.

So be consistent. If you decide to leave, then first think carefully about all the circumstances, how you will live, how you will arrange your life and other little things. And only then announce your departure.

Talk to yourself first and make these decisions. If you are sure that it is necessary to leave or that it is impossible to stay together, then leave and do not torture either yourself or her.

How to ultimately help an alcoholic woman

The first thing you need to do is develop motivation. If you are unable to convince a woman to accept treatment, our specialists will help with this: the clinic has an intervention service.

After obtaining consent, comprehensive inpatient treatment is necessary, where the woman is prescribed the necessary therapy aimed at restoring and stabilizing the functioning of internal organs and mental state.

The problem of addiction requires awareness. To do this, we suggest taking a rehabilitation course, where the woman will receive comprehensive psychological support. After rehabilitation, the woman leaves the clinic as a practically healthy person.

What not to do during a breakup?

Even the fact that you are breaking up does not give you the right to humiliate each other or make any disrespectful gestures.

What not to do?	Why?
Toss and doubt	Doubt will make you feel guilty, ungrateful. A woman will also not be happy if you suddenly knock on her door one fine morning. If they broke up, then they broke up.
Leave silently	Some men believe that leaving without talking is a very noble and masculine act. On the contrary, this way you will not show your best side. You can’t just pack your things and silently head out. It's just an escape from the problem.
Insult a woman	Humiliating and insulting is the last thing you can do. Even if she cheated on you with your best friend, and even on your bed, restrain yourself. There is no point in remembering her mother, much less characterizing her. Don't show your weakness, remain a man.
Be subject to blackmail	Often abandoned women resort to manipulation and blackmail. No matter how tough he may be (“I will commit suicide,” “Children will suffer without you”), do not fall for it.