Does your man not appreciate you? You sacrifice your time and desires for him, and he won’t even say “thank you”? Everything you do for him, he takes for granted. And it’s even more offensive that he finds fault with you and ignores any requests. In this article we will tell you why men do not value the women they love. And most importantly, we will give 5 recommendations, after which a man will begin to appreciate your every action towards him. And you will again feel loved, desired and significant next to him.
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Signs of depreciation
So how does devaluation manifest itself in relationships? A man constantly makes you wait or seems to completely forget about the appointment. Your opinion doesn't matter to him at all. At the last moment, despite the agreement, he cancels the general plans.
And sometimes he behaves as if you are forcing him to give gifts or asking him for money for your needs. As if you are not worthy of anything and he is doing you a favor, so to speak, from the “master’s shoulder”.
You have to earn his love and play by his rules. He dumps negativity on you, but he himself is not ready to listen or support. When you need him, he is never around, he has urgent and important things to do. For him, you are in honorable twenty-fifth place - after friends, work and pets.
Everything is literally boiling inside you from anger, resentment and accumulated discontent. You want to tell him everything you think about his behavior. So that he would finally feel ashamed. And he finally began to appreciate you and everything you do for him.
Stop, stop! This won't help matters. Because the result will be another quarrel, your tears and his: “I’m tired of your claims, you’re always dissatisfied with something. I don’t force you to do all this. If you don’t like it, look for someone else!” You may have heard something like this more than once. So you ask the question: “Why do women bend over backwards to please, but men don’t appreciate them?!”
Signs of disrespect from your husband
Photo by Keira Burton: Pexels
The feeling of being disrespected does not appear immediately. It resembles a small crack appearing in the asphalt. At first it is invisible, then it grows more and more until it finally turns into a gaping hole.
You stop in front of her in confusion, feel powerless, realize that you are falling apart, becoming a victim.
disrespect humiliates, makes you feel your own weakness, and reduces self-esteem. It fills you with heaviness and deprives you of the desire to live.
If you feel bad when you are with your husband, check to see if he has stopped respecting you. Here is a list of 20 signs:
- He no longer talks about his day, mood, events, meetings, or shares his impressions.
- Doesn't find time for you. He is occupied by work, sports, TV, and urgent tasks.
- Doesn't help you. If you ask for help, he gives it reluctantly and often puts it off due to lack of time.
- He speaks negatively about your appearance and clothes. This happens not only when you are together, but also in the presence of relatives and strangers.
What to do if a man doesn't appreciate you?
- He talks about you as if you were small, stupid, worthless.
- Doesn't listen to you. You talk about what happened at work, with your child, and you realize that you are speaking into the void. The husband will not be able to answer the question or comment on the situation adequately.
- Doesn't recognize your achievements, isn't proud of you.
- Doesn't introduce you to acquaintances or friends when they meet. You're just standing there like a doll.
- Doesn't take your side in an argument, even if he knows you might be right.
- He avoids your company; on the contrary, he prefers to communicate with other people, including women.
- He prefers to remain silent and ignore your questions.
- He belittles your merits, even if he is aware of them.
- He only cares about himself, for example, he buys his own shampoo at the store, without even asking if you or the children need anything.
- Comments on you and your actions behind your back.
- Treats you like you're nothing.
- Hides purchases and things from you.
- Subscribes to pages with sexual content on social networks.
- Treats your family and friends rudely. Allows negative comments about them.
- Ignores and constantly violates your personal boundaries.
- Does not accept compromises, refuses negotiations.
The list can be continued, but even sincere answers to these questions will make it possible to understand whether a husband respects his wife.
Life story
Olga did everything to ensure that her relationship with her husband was long-lasting. Breakfast in bed, helped with work and agreed with all his decisions.
He always had clean and perfectly ironed clothes, a hearty dinner. She completely took charge of organizing everyday life and did not ask him for help, so as not to distract him. Go grocery shopping and bring 3 huge bags of 10 kg each home? No problem. Take out the trash? Why ask for such trifles, especially since his hands are busy with the phone. I'll go down myself.
She also created and maintained romance in the relationship. I made surprises. Therefore, Olga was absolutely sure that her husband should carry her in his arms. But it turned out the other way around. Over time, my husband began to take everything for granted. And if nothing was ready for dinner, he would unleash all the dogs on her.
Olga looked around and was jealous. Because one friend’s husband brings coffee to bed, the other constantly compliments and gives gifts. Despite the fact that they are not strained in a relationship, to put it mildly. Of course, she felt injustice and resentment. As a result, she began to make scandals for her husband and billed her for everything she did for him and the family. They began to live like a cat and a dog. But everyone, of course, was sure that he was unconditionally right.
What to do if nothing helps
If a man does not value the relationship, and the woman’s attempts to gain respect do not help, you need to find a specific reason and work with it. The main condition is that both partners must be interested in continuing the relationship.
When a man doesn’t want to change anything, and a woman is ready to fight for his attention, you can try to break up for a while. Living at a distance will make a guy reconsider his attitude towards you and change.
If a temporary separation leads to a final break, it is not worth seeking the man’s respect.
Why men don't appreciate: the real reason
Unfortunately, such stories happen all the time. And the reason for the problem is quite simple - it lies in the thoughts of a woman and her attitude towards herself and towards men. If, first of all, you always and in everything think about a man, about making him feel good, and I’ll somehow get by, and in general I can handle it myself, then you don’t love and don’t value yourself.
All your actions and words have become the norm and even more so – your responsibility. Because you let the man know that this attitude suits you, you are ready to do everything for him, even to the detriment of yourself and your comfort. As a result, the man completely stopped noticing what he should appreciate and thank you for.
Women who value themselves do not sacrifice themselves, their needs and desires for the sake of relationships. They never give more than they can. At the same time, they receive a lot of love, tenderness and affection from their men - without lectures or persuasion.
What kind of gratitude do you expect from a man?
First of all, tell me honestly - how should gratitude be expressed to a man who appreciates you? Million Scarlet roses? Signs of attention, gifts, constant desire to please you? Attention to you and your problems, everyday help and support? Verbal expression of gratitude and admiration?
Or simply - since he doesn’t give up, it’s probably because he appreciates it - that’s enough?
Of course, it is best if all of the above takes place! But it’s worth setting priorities - what is more important for you and what does the man himself put first ?
Keep in mind, this is where a discrepancy ! Well, for example, a man loves your cooking and devours the delicacies of your preparation on both cheeks, but does not consider it necessary to colorfully describe how wonderful a hostess and cook he is. Logic - “I eat, that means it tastes good to me!” If it wasn’t tasty, I wouldn’t eat it!”
And you desperately want to hear at least one simple compliment - you look expectantly into the man’s eyes, and he... bursts and remains silent! And the conclusion creeps in - the man doesn’t value me...
And generally speaking. Men are terribly straightforward creatures.
They are sure that if a woman does something (cooks, washes, dresses up, gives gifts, etc.) it is only because she likes it! It won’t even occur to them that all this work is needed only so that he, a man, appreciates and loves ! Therefore, showering yourself with gratitude and admiration for every little thing a woman creates has no special meaning for a man - she did it, which means she wanted it herself , and she has already received pleasure from the result of her labors!
So advice to you from “Beautiful and Successful” - if you do something, do it for yourself , and not in order to earn a positive assessment from a man.
Cook if you are interested in cooking and want to try something tasty. Dress up if you feel uncomfortable in a stretched T-shirt and dirty jeans. Give gifts if you like choosing them with love for your loved one...
Men don't appreciate: 5 recommendations
Apply them in practice, in your relationships, so that your man begins to appreciate you and your actions!
Get rid of the fear of being alone
Because he forces you to become dependent on a man. You are always afraid to do and say something wrong, because then he will leave. And you will be left alone. Moreover, you are afraid to express your opinion and always agree with the man, no matter how absurd his decision may be.
As soon as he asks for something or expresses his desire, you abandon your, perhaps very important, affairs and literally run to do what the man wants. And you hope that he will highly appreciate your action.
How to get rid of addiction >>>
Stop making complaints
And even more so, read out to a man a list of what he should value you for. Because this will only aggravate the situation, causing resistance and a defensive reaction on the part of the man. By proving to a man that he is wrong, you are trying to break through a concrete wall. This means you lose an incredibly huge amount of energy, which would be better spent on internal changes.
Identify all negative beliefs about yourself
For example: “I’m not beautiful enough, I’m not smart enough, no one but him will love someone like me.” And replace them with supportive ones. For example: “I am a unique and wonderful woman. I am worthy of love, care, gifts and all the best.” After that, make a list of what you value in yourself (for example, well-groomed hair, a beautiful smile, a gentle look). And be sure to say this to yourself every time you pass by the mirror. And within a week you will feel how your self-esteem will become much higher.
Affirmations for self-confidence >>>
Shift your focus to your loved one
That is, take your mind off the man and thoughts on how else to please him. Realize your needs and desires, pursue your fulfillment in your work or hobby. Basically, do what brings you joy.
And finally start loving yourself. Not for something, not through praise from anyone. But simply because you are you. Because there is no other person like him in the world.
Create a new relationship scenario
In which a man appreciates you, thanks you, pleases you and cares about you and your well-being. Describe in detail how a man treats you and imagine an image where you are the most valuable and desirable woman for him.
How to rewrite the relationship script >>>
How to behave
If you have discovered most of the listed signs of disrespect on the part of your husband, your relationship needs to be changed. Here are some tips on how to do this.
Eliminate humiliation
The aggressor in the family is a man - most people are absolutely sure of this. However, numerous studies show that women are often the initiators of violence. They humiliate, despise their husbands, and actively use emotional violence.
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The husband has to fight for his image, self-respect; one of the defense mechanisms is showing disrespect towards the offender.
Therefore, exclude from your behavior actions that can humiliate a man and provoke him to self-defense.
Forget about blackmail
Something almost goes wrong, the wife threatens to pack her things and go to her mother. The second popular method of blackmail is sexual. The spouse uses sex as a means to insist on her own, without thinking that she is losing a way to build strong, good relationships and simply enjoy life.
Show respect
To be respected, you yourself must respect others. This especially applies to loved ones and spouses.
Don't ignore their wishes, don't put others first. There are two main characters in your relationship - you and your husband. You got married so that it could be so. Therefore, if you have a choice, support your spouse, spend time with him, trust him, show him how important he is to you.
Photo by Ketut Subiyanto: Pexels
You're not always right
Don't think that you are always right. Sometimes you actually did or said something right. Perhaps this happens often. But approach each situation objectively. Don’t wait with excitement and gloating when you again tell your husband that he is an ass incapable of anything.
Many conflict cases can be viewed from different angles, and even if you think you know better, listen to the opinions of others. This will enrich you and your family relationships.
Another option is to always listen to your husband’s advice and recommendations. This will increase his self-esteem and allow him to appreciate your positive attitude towards him.
Respect personal space
There is nothing worse than prying into your spouse’s correspondence, phone, or rummaging through his personal belongings without warning or permission. Don't do this, even if you suspect him of cheating. In most cases, this leads to the complete collapse of the relationship.
Respect for personal space does not pose barriers. On the contrary, it creates trust, recognition, and strengthens relationships.
Photo by Alex Green: Pexels
By the way, you shouldn’t forget about your boundaries - a world in which you can whine, grieve, gloat, and restore strength.
Avoid comparisons with other men
Comparison with others is a sure way to humiliate your spouse. Your husband is the best for you, that’s why you chose him, isn’t it? So why now point out that others are better. Admire your husband, develop yourself, spend time together, have fun.
Not only do not compare your spouse with others when communicating with him, but also do not speak badly about him in the presence of your children and other people. Self-respect is an important part of a man’s attitude towards himself. From this, respect for others is later built.
Give up tantrums
People who respect each other try to speak calmly in any circumstances. Screams are designed to attract attention. But if the wife is constantly hysterical, this leads to a feeling of fatigue in other people. They get tired of hearing discontent, sarcasm, accusations, empty screams. Such behavior destroys respect, allows you to anticipate further actions, and insults.
Photo by Kindel Media: Pexels
If you feel like you’re exploding and you can’t calmly convey your opinion to your partner, stop, take a deep breath, and rest. Try to find the right words and deliver them calmly.
Once I had to watch such a scene - a girl was arguing with a guy (he put her bag on the grass, and there were ants there). She was hysterical, screaming, almost hitting him. The guy stood, looked at all this, smiled, no longer even trying to say anything. At some point, the girl realized the meaninglessness of her behavior, bought a cup of coffee, sat on a bench and began to calmly talk about something with her boyfriend. Then they checked the bag together for ants.
Test
The next test is called “Does my husband respect me?” It only contains 5 simple questions. If you answer yes to at least one of them, then I can only advise you to divorce:
- Has your spouse hit you at least once?
He hit you for real, not just pushed you away during a quarrel or gave you a purely symbolic slap in the face to bring you to your senses during a hysteria. There can be no justification for this.
- Did your beloved not spend the night at home without good reason?
Respectful - his mother got sick, his car broke down somewhere near Rostov when he was returning home from a business trip, a force majeure situation, for example, he helped put out a fire at a friend’s house, and so on. Drinking with a friend who suddenly meets on the street can also be understood if this is the first incident in many years. If such parties occur with enviable frequency under the pretext “I have the right to a private life,” then this is already a warning bell.
- Does your man constantly insult and humiliate you, both in private and in public?
If a husband allows himself to insult his wife, that is, he sends her obscenities to distant countries, calls her offensive names, intentionally hurts her, pointing out her shortcomings (excess weight, poor eyesight, etc.), belittles her feminine and simply human dignity by any means, then neither there can be no talk of any kind of love.
- Have you caught your significant other cheating?
You don’t suspect it, but they got it right, that is, his betrayal is an irrefutable fact.
- The head of the family earns well or not, does not let you work, but at the same time does not give you a penny?
“A woman should stay at home,” he tells you, and this seems to be good, but only when the man provides for you completely, calmly allocating money not only for what is needed, but also for small female weaknesses. If your husband doesn’t let you work, but at the same time you have to beg him for pennies even for natural needs (pads, cream, shampoo, etc.), then this no longer fits into any reasonable saving framework. He is simply an owner and a miser, forcing you to sit at home and not giving you money, he completely subjugates you to his will, so that he can then mock you to his heart's content.
All the situations described above are clear signs of a man’s lack of not only love and respect, but also a lack of conscience and at least minimal upbringing. For such despots, a woman is just a toy or a thing, a rag on which to wipe their feet, a housekeeper and servant. You need to run away from them as soon as possible. Don't be deceived by the calf's eyes, pleas for forgiveness and colorful promises. Nothing will change. It will be better only the first few days after reconciliation, then the same thing will begin. And it will be even worse, because the despot, who almost lost his toy, will come up with new methods of influence, will do everything so that you can no longer or do not dare to run away.
