Sometimes you have to part with people. It is extremely rare that this happens by mutual consent and for objective reasons. Usually everything goes well, nothing foreshadows trouble, and then you find out that they are cheating on you, that they have stopped loving you, or that they have simply become bored with you. It may seem to you that these problems can be solved, because you love her so much. But she is adamant - you break up, your ex has a new wonderful life (especially if she went not into emptiness, but to someone), and you collect the remnants of male pride in the corners of all the bars in the capital. Attempts to drown melancholy in a glass are almost always unsuccessful. Therefore, we propose to act completely differently.
Tell her everything
This is not a clause about you having to return everything and make peace. You are probably seething with anger, frustration, misunderstanding, your head is bursting with questions “how? Why? for what?". If you keep them to yourself, you will never be able to put an end to the relationship. Arrange a meeting, call, write in instant messenger or, in the end, a letter to tell your ex-girlfriend everything you think about her and the current situation. If she hurt you or hurt your feelings, don't try to be nice in hopes of getting it back. It's better to give free rein to your emotions. Apologize only if there is really a reason.
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How to forget the person you're used to
As you know, it’s easy and quick to get used to a person who has similar interests and interests, but it’s hard to get out of the habit. Psychologists say: attachment is like an emotional boost from another person, a kind of drug. And it’s not just about the habit of spending time together, it’s much deeper. Each couple has their own little rituals: text messages in the morning, good night wishes, conversations until the morning, or breakfast in bed.
The following tips will help you forget the person you are used to:
- Take your current free status for granted and let the person go not only physically, but also mentally.
- You can get a pet: a fish, a dog or a cat. Taking care of your pet will help occupy your time and hands.
- Try extreme, but don't overdo it. Try to replace the feeling of loss with other emotions.
- Psychologists advise starting to play sports. And the point is not at all that the figure will become slimmer, the abs will be pumped up and the muscles will become toned. The main thing is that sport will streamline your life - a routine will appear, blood circulation will improve and it will become easier to think. And a beautiful body has never harmed anyone.
- Don't isolate yourself and avoid communication.
Couple in Love: Pexels
Stop all contact with her
You've talked, you've said what you think, and now, if your goal is to truly get over your ex, it's time to cut all ties with her. This doesn't mean you should, like a teenager, block her on all social networks and unfriend her. Just stop looking through all her stories and posts, tormenting your head with potential comments that you won’t leave, manically looking for opportunities to sneak a glimpse of her, driving “by chance” past the girl’s house, texting her friends to find out everything about her affairs. If the temptation to follow your ex-girlfriend at least on social networks is too great, remove yourself from them altogether. A little digital detox won’t hurt anyone, especially in such a situation. To communicate with those who did not break your heart, messengers will remain.
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Talk about a breakup
We, of course, live in a patriarchal society where masculine males do not suffer. And you don’t want to tell your friends that you’re hurt, sad and lonely, and what if they answer: “What are you talking about! You're a man! We hope you have understanding friends who don't subscribe to stereotypes about boys who don't cry. But if suddenly you still cannot overcome the barrier, go to a psychoanalyst. This is the very case when it is needed without regard to the presence of any diagnosis. Any emotional shock affects your psyche. And trying to ignore it, hush it up and wait until everything settles down and is forgotten will only make things worse for you. If you broke up because a girl cheated on you or cheated on you, this is a serious blow to your trust in other people, which will affect future relationships. Talk about feelings, thoughts, how you have changed, and this will help you get over the breakup easier and better understand for yourself what happened and how to prevent it from happening again.
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End of love
Why doesn't love leave a relationship because of one quarrel or resentment? The fading of feelings is a too smooth process, which sometimes happens unnoticed by one of the partners.
The feeling of distance can occur during ordinary quarrels, but it is too short-lived. Did your loved one hurt? You have forgiven and continue to love each other.
It is very rare for two lovers to lose their mutual feelings at the same time. Usually the step towards separation is taken by the one who is more disappointed.
This role is less painful in terms of consequences, which is why you can often hear from divorced people: “In fact, it was I who abandoned him/her.”
But no matter how advantageous your position is when breaking up, both you and your partner will feel suffering and longing for all the good things that happened between you.
You can't easily forget the person you love, but time and effort can overcome the pain of a broken heart. So, how to forget your loved one and start a new life?
Accept and forgive
There is no point in holding grudges against your ex, because even if you hate, you do not let him out of your thoughts. The best thing you can do is to forgive all your partner's sins and accept him for who he is.
If you broke up with a guy, try to remember all his mistakes and misdeeds. Don't try to justify him or get angry about such stupid behavior. Recognize that these mistakes are part of his personality.
You're not offended by the cactus for its prickly needles, are you? He is who he is. If you are afraid of injuring your fingers, get yourself a less thorny plant, and the cactus will find another owner. Do you think you still need advice from a psychologist?
Expand your horizons
A loved one was the whole world for us because of which we did not pay attention to what was going on around us. Do you know about the number of people on the globe? Until you get to know everyone, you can't say that your ex-boyfriend was ideal.
How to forget love? Communicate and be open to new acquaintances, travel, attend master classes and clubs on various hobbies. Don’t tell yourself “I can’t”; try to find solace in other joys of life.
By discovering a few new hobbies, driving along the roads of new cities or countries and making several hundred new acquaintances, you will change your perspective on the past. The old life will seem like a blink of an eye compared to what you still have to do.
We would also like to share with you a comprehensive commentary from our expert - psychologist, sexologist, psychotherapist, author and presenter of educational programs for psychologists Tatyana Slavina:
When you break up with your loved one, it feels like your whole world has collapsed. You cannot imagine your future and start living in the past because your present is painful.
There are several tips you can use to get out of this state.
First, accept and realize: the relationship is over, and the old life will never be again. This is a good way to understand that you will have to build it again.
Second, remove all items from your life and home that are associated with past relationships. Go around the places of your romantic walks and avoid any reminders of your ex-lover.
Thirdly, life and consciousness change radically: you have a lot of free time - don’t spend it alone, feeling sorry for yourself and sinking into depression.
On the contrary: this is the best moment to take up exactly those hobbies that you have always put off. Sports, drawing, learning French, finally!
Fill your time with what you have long dreamed of. After all, a new relationship may soon begin, but you still won’t learn how to dance bachata! And most importantly: realize that you have become free! Free from those attitudes with which you limited yourself and your desires in the name of your relationship.
Write down on paper everything you sacrificed and everything you made mistakes in. This will become your experience.
After all, it is important not just to forget a person, but to live on, and right now you can choose for yourself the life in which you will be truly happy.
And believe me: a new round of development, a new circle of friends, and, of course, new and happy relationships awaits you!
Don't rush into a new relationship
When someone's house burns down, no one immediately starts building a new one in its place. The area is completely cleared, the foundation is restored, the ground around is strengthened, because it also suffers from fire, a new plan for the building is thought out to make it more resistant to fires and safer, and then they just build it. You are an even more complex and vulnerable structure than some burnt out shack. A new girlfriend will not help you forget your ex, because you cannot build anything on the ashes. You will inevitably compare this relationship with your previous ones, say something about the breakup or about your ex (and this will really irritate your current girlfriend), you will have problems with trust and emotional background. Most likely, another break awaits you, which will finally destroy your faith in yourself and humanity.
End of life
No one can be prepared for the passing of a loved one. When this happens, the world seems to lose its bright colors, and time moves infinitely slowly. The period of grieving for a deceased loved one is called mourning, and its duration varies depending on culture.
In Ancient Greece, after the death of her husband, a woman wore black for the rest of her life unless she met a new man. In Ancient Rome, mourning lasted up to 10 months.
In our culture, strict mourning goes up to 40 days. But are some numbers really capable of erasing the memories and pain of thinking about the deceased?
Personal mourning
The purpose of ritually dressing in black and remembering the deceased is to pay tribute to him. You nobly affirm the bright memory of your loved one, accepting the idea of the reality of what is happening. But is it so easy to come to terms with his death psychologically?
If 40 days were not enough for you to come to your senses and even after many months you are still in a broken state, you need to conduct your own personal mourning.
There is no need to wear black and put a picture of a candle on your screensaver. Do something special in the name of the deceased - make a pilgrimage, go on a trip, build a house or extension, paint a portrait or compose a song.
As you create such things, they absorb your feelings and therefore become special and lighten your emotional burden.
Help from others
Sometimes people connect the meaning of their life so much with another person that after his death they feel superfluous and unnecessary in this world. This is typical for mothers who have lost their children and childless women who have lost their husbands.
If this description is similar to your condition, you will not be able to cope with it on your own. You have moved too far from this world, because your thoughts are there: with your departed children or husband. You need real people who will bring joy back into your life.
How to forget a person and stop thinking about him every second? Go on a family trip, do charity work in orphanages or nursing homes, devote yourself to those around you, help them. Perhaps you will find yourself in religion or pedagogy.
Now you need to give as much of yourself as possible to the people around you. In return, they will give vital energy that will warm you and return you to this world.
Work on yourself
Instead of starting a new relationship, take care of yourself. It is easiest to survive stress and cope with experiences and emotions when you simply do not have time for them. Buy a gym membership, start learning foreign languages, go on a trip with friends, finally get a promotion, find singing/drawing/public speaking courses. It makes no difference what exactly you do in your free time, but just don’t lie on the couch with a bottle of beer, beating yourself up. Develop and become cooler, let your ex bite your elbows, not you.
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What are memories made of?
A memory is not a one-dimensional thought or idea.
It is the sum of impressions from specific events in your past. You remember not a point in time, but many sensory details. For example, if you try to remember a pleasant day spent at the beach as a child, more than just the image of a river will come to mind. You will remember how warm the sand was, the smell of the wind and the taste of the ice cream you bought at the kiosk across the street.
Any of these sensations can become a trigger. When you buy an ice cream that tastes similar to the one from your childhood, you will be transported back to a hot day on a river beach.
Thus, memories are inseparable from context.
Spend more time with your family
After a breakup, especially if the relationship was quite long and serious, you will miss love, attention and care. It's time to remember that no one will ever love you more than your mother. Buy a bouquet (we hope you do this all the time) and go visit. Better yet, invite your family to the theater or host them a dinner at your home. When we start dating someone, a new “family” comes to the fore. This is a normal and natural course of life, but partings remind us that “an old friend is better than two new ones.” And no one will support you the way your family will do it. And, immersed in family problems (probably some repairs are needed somewhere, your younger brother or nephew needs help at school, your mother’s car broke down, and the list goes on), you simply won’t have time to suffer.
Ways to survive betrayal
First you need to change the image of the betrayed person with the help of psychotechnics. Options are possible! Choose whichever one you like best.
For example, imagine the name of a former friend or lover written in chalk on a school board. There is a wet rag nearby... Tell yourself: “When I’m ready, I’ll take a rag and wash this board clean...”. You can imagine the name of a person you hate written on a piece of paper. You used the paper for its intended purpose, and you no longer need it. Where should it be thrown? This is where you mentally (or actually) throw it away. Or you can create this image: the fragments of your favorite (or not so favorite) cup are lying on the floor, on one of them the name of your former friend is engraved. Of course, it’s a pity that this cup broke... But, on the other hand, you must admit that if you really, really valued it, it wouldn’t break: you would just catch it in flight. And now its place is in the trash can. What can you do? Cups tend to break...
Or you can create this image: the fragments of your favorite (or not so favorite) cup are lying on the floor, on one of them the name of your former friend is engraved. Of course, it’s a pity that this cup broke... But, on the other hand, you must admit that if you really, really valued it, it wouldn’t break: you would just catch it in flight. And now its place is in the trash can. What can you do? Cups tend to break...
I wonder, for what amount would you agree not to date this or that person again? Probably, even for $500 they would have agreed to interrupt a not very necessary acquaintance (“He makes me neither cold nor hot”). You wouldn’t break up with a loved one, no matter how much money (“How will I live without him?”). And for someone, perhaps, they themselves would pay a little extra (“Just to never see her (him) again!”). This is the measure of human relations! As they say, money is not people, it will not be superfluous.
Change something in your life
This is the most radical advice that works great. You can find a new job - preferably a more creative one, which will distract you from sad thoughts, which involves meeting people so that your social circle changes. Or move to another city, and every restaurant, traffic light, asphalt slab and bench in the park will not remind you of bright days with your ex. Get a dog - it, of course, will not replace your girlfriend, but it will never deceive, betray or abandon you. And while you save wires, slippers and bags from the puppy, your worries will fade into the background. Buy or rent a new apartment. Change your car. Let this painful breakup motivate you to change your life and become cooler, and not condemn you to suffering and alcoholism.
End of friendship
Friendships are sometimes more stable than romantic relationships. Having become friends in childhood, friends can meet old age together, having managed to change more than one husband or wife throughout their lives.
Despite such strong bonds, even friendship cannot withstand loud quarrels and the force of distance. Conflicts give rise to resentment, and distance deprives people of common topics of conversation and the opportunity to diversify communication.
Understanding
If your friendship is threatened by events beyond your control, then you can simply talk about it with your friend. He is not a fool, and therefore he will understand that, for example, if you move to another place, you will no longer be able to see each other every day, watch movies together and go to parties.
Don't end your communication too abruptly. Text and sometimes call each other, tell them the news. Over time, you will find new friends, new hobbies. Because of this, your communication with your old friend will be significantly reduced.
But don’t worry, this is quite normal, because everything happens exactly the same for him. The best part is that your friendship cannot be called completely finished.
Even if you meet this person even after a few decades, you will not pass by, but hug, laugh and remember the old times with warmth.
Changes
All people change and develop, you and your friend are no exception. It may happen that at some point you begin to look at a variety of issues completely differently - from politics to raising children.
Strong disagreements can lead to quarrels and conflicts, which will call into question future friendships. It will be possible only with the great desire of two people to meet each other halfway. It's a pity, but this happens too rarely.
Remember: you don't have to think and act like your friend. You can remain in conflict endlessly, or you can simply call your ex-friend for a conversation and end everything once and for all.
Explain to him that you have become too different people and that is normal. Your differences keep you from relaxing and having as much fun as you did before. You don't need conflicts and enemies, you are two strong personalities who respect each other.
It is respect that can save your situation. No, it cannot make you friends, but it will protect you from insults and coldness from your former friend.
