When a breakup occurs in a relationship, the first thing they will advise you is: forget it, it’s as if he died for you, erase him from your life.
Never do this!
As a result, at best, you will simply waste a lot of time and effort. At worst, you will be stuck in your memories, pain, grievances and regrets forever.
In this article you will find detailed instructions on how to live after a breakup, so that you don’t just forget the person and stop thinking about him, but remember him easily and calmly. Take these three steps to your happy future.
Cut a person out of life as if he no longer exists
As soon as you have a breakup, you should immediately cut the person out of your life.
It's all over, accept it.
The psychologist’s first advice on how to forget a loved one forever will be exactly this. Your past reality does not exist.
Your ex relationship is dead, the person is dead . Start looking at it this way now.
Let go of the past completely.
It’s like you’re being reborn again and starting with a clean slate.
New world, new people.
Remove from life all psychological anchors that evoke memories of your former passion.
What anchors need to be removed from life in detail:
- common music that you spent time listening to together;
- gifts (either hide in the basement or give to friends);
- do not go to those locations and places where you had cool dates together before;
- any forgotten things: be it clothes or a lens from a former passion that was not thrown away earlier (it’s time to throw it away);
- delete shared photos and videos on your computer, phone and other media.
Follow these steps, and you will get rid of restless thoughts about how to forget the person you love, but he doesn’t love you, without any conspiracies and other nonsense.
Don't fall into his perception: don't think about what his head is doing
Don’t fall into other people’s perceptions and don’t think about what’s on your ex-partner’s mind!
Otherwise you will fall into the pain of loss.
Do not be interested in the life of your past partner and do not fall into other people's perceptions. What does this mean in detail :
- You should not care what kind of relationship your ex-partner is in or who he is with now.
- It doesn't matter whether your ex is suffering or not. At the moment, only your well-being is important.
- Don’t hang around or stick to your ex’s social media page. Finding out that he is doing better will not make you feel any better.
- You feel neither better nor worse when hearing rumors or some news about a past person. Absolute and complete indifference!
Implement this principle and no longer need advice from a psychologist on how to forget a person with whom you will never be together.
How to stop loving a married man
You should look at the disadvantages that will appear in the event of a successful development of a romance with an unfree young man:
- Do not hope that he found his happiness and cheated on his wife as an exception. Perhaps, after a while, the same fate awaits you.
- You may believe that such a relationship is not serious, and at any moment switch to another, free guy. In fact, you are simply wasting time and missing the opportunity to have a normal relationship, wasting your energy on an affair, without the confidence that your loved one will ever leave you.
- At first, you will be pleased by the fact that a man chose you over his wife. Your consciousness is fueled by the thought that he is leaving his family and rushing to you. But, lonely holidays, weekends and conversations about his family await you. You will be second and the realization of this will come very quickly.
- With such an affair, you will not be able to enjoy family holidays together, establish small traditions, or feel desired and unique.
- Give other guys a chance to woo you. You don't need someone who has already been used, who has already experienced the joy of marriage or the birth of their first child. The second time his emotions will not be so sincere.
Don't blame yourself for the fact that you will never be together again
In such cases, a person's focus can only be occupied by negativity, and it is a mistake to make only oneself the culprit.
Otherwise, negative energy will accumulate in you.
It is not your fault! What happened happened.
No need to scold yourself!
A fine line to keep in mind.
- It’s cool that you look for your mistakes, analyze your behavior so as not to repeat your mistakes. BUT: find these mistakes and don’t attack or blame yourself!
- Find mistakes for yourself so as not to repeat them in other new relationships, and not to go back to your previous partner!
You find your mistakes so as not to repeat them with a new partner and never step on the same rake again.
Remember this, and you no longer need to look for answers to questions from psychology about how to forget the person you love quickly and in a short time.
Stages of living through the loss of the illusion that relationships are possible
Negation
We discussed this stage above. This is where you find yourself when you feed on false hope for the continuation of a relationship. You are denying a FACT. The former beloved man has already disappeared from your life. And you don't want to admit it. This stage is absolutely normal. Don't scold yourself! Everyone goes through this. And we will move on to the second stage
Anger, anger. The desire to blame him. And, often myself in what happened
Sometimes at this stage girls (and guys too) come up with all sorts of revenge. Trolling on social networks, damage to his property, intrigue and persecution... All this is the result of acute feelings of the second stage - anger, rage and resentment.
I have already suggested above a way to get rid of these feelings on paper by writing them down and then burning them. This psychological technique works great for our brain. Feelings find a safe, adequate outlet. Their express accommodation takes place. And, at the same time, we did not harm anyone. Thus, we will have nothing to regret in the future.
Bidding stage
This is where nostalgia and doubt can overwhelm us. At this stage, we begin to see our own mistakes in relationships. And we are trying to get our ex back. At the same time, promising to behave differently. To be more flexible, to endure less (or not at all)…
The bidding stage is attempts to write the “correct” SMS to your ex-lover, to meet him by chance. Somehow attract his attention through mutual friends. If at this stage he fell for it and came back, then the relationship can resume. But, if attempts are unsuccessful, the next stage begins.
Depression. Apathy. Reluctance to move
Prostration. Disbelief in love and complete disappointment.
It is at this stage that love songs irritate us. We cannot see happy couples without disgust. We DON'T BELIEVE. We don't believe in love. We don't believe we'll ever meet anyone else.
And we say: “oh, I’m 20 (30, 40, 50..) I’ll never love anyone again. So I’ll be left alone.” The stage of depression is not the last. Because the last one-
Acceptance of the situation that happened
Dawn after a dark, protracted impenetrable night. And, it definitely happens! Believe me.
The desire to live arises, many plans appear. Enjoyment of life appears. Simple things begin to make you happy. Coffee in the morning, birds outside the window. It is at this stage that the real forgetting of the former beloved husband (boyfriend) occurs. The head is filled with new thoughts. Life is Beautiful! And you are ready to move on!
We learn new insights and lessons so as not to step on the same rake again
Lessons are learned through analysis.
Analysis is done with pen and paper, asking yourself as many questions as possible and answering them in writing.
The more questions, the better.
Example.
- Who is to blame for the fact that you initially chose the wrong partner? Answer: myself!
- Why did this happen, how did you allow this to happen? Answer: I had no personal boundaries, I had little idea of the person I wanted to see next to me.
- What kind of person do I want to see next to me, what do I allow and what do I not allow in a relationship? The answer indicates the exact characteristics of personality, not appearance.
- What have I learned and learned from past relationships?
- What mistakes should I not make again with another partner?
Be as sincere as possible with yourself when you write your answers to these questions.
This way, you will solve your problems yourself and there will be no need for advice from a psychologist on how to quickly forget your loved one and start a new life.
If your loved one is nearby every day
The hardest thing is when the object of love is nearby every day. Or some connection remains, as, for example, between parents of a common child. This continues to rub and open spiritual wounds. You have to talk to your loved one, knowing that he will never be around again. And here the situation is not hopeless. There are two ways to solve it:
- Turn your life around. This is an effective, efficient, but rather labor-intensive method. It implies a complete change of life: place of work, residence, environment. Not everyone has the strength to do this, but you will definitely be able to get the object of your distress out of your thoughts.
- Establish friendly relations. This method is difficult in itself, but it does not require giving up your usual way of life. In this case, you should try to classify the person as a good, close friend, but stop seeing him as your partner. This is much more difficult, but possible. The easiest thing will be if you try to start a relationship with someone else. So the romantic aura will gradually transfer to the new companion.
Man and woman remain friends after divorce
Don't be lonely: know that you always have an abundance of choice
You must have faith that you will have another person with even more emotional connection and chemistry. Know that you always have an abundance of choice. You can always find a soul mate.
There is no need to look at this as an everyday duty and a need to get a new partner as soon as possible.
Just understand that it is stupid to hold in your head what is no longer there until your death.
Accept change and don't resist it.
Any breakup you experience is a time of powerful growth for you.
Remember this and don’t worry anymore about how to forget the person you still like.
Parting with a lover
It's good if the relationship ended mutually. But how to survive the pain if only one person wanted it? Anyone who did not plan the breakup experiences warm feelings mixed with the taste of sudden betrayal. This prevents you from fully working, eating, communicating, and taking care of yourself. The ex-partner completely loses himself and psycho-emotional control. Depression, tears, and aggression appear. Often it comes to suicidal thoughts.
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Situations are different. It is important to be able to forget a man and not remember, completely throw him out of your head and start living again. I will help you with this, to do this, sign up for my personal consultation. I will organize the thoughts in my head and find a way out to the long-awaited freedom from love addiction. You will regain peace of mind and self-confidence, life will be filled with new colors and impressions.
Don't blame your old partner and don't hold a grudge against him, remove your bitterness
Some people like to continue texting their exes even a year after a breakup or calling them from time to time.
People hold onto anger and negativity from past relationships, which then manifest themselves and have an effect in the next relationship. Having the same type of thinking in a new relationship, all the old mistakes will be repeated again.
Don't get caught in this vicious, repeating circle.
A fine line. Instead of becoming angry with your partner, it is better to deeply thank him for what happened!
Through hatred, you yourself will maintain an energetic connection with your former lover, cling to him and why in vain give energy to negative thoughts. Do you need it?
We also talk about this in an article on how to protect yourself from energy vampires.
You can easily fall into such hatred. Get rid of it, and thereby remove the worries about how to forget the person who hurt you once.
Realize that nothing is permanent in the world, everything comes and goes.
Look at it from the spiritual side.
- You were born alone and you will die alone. Nothing is eternal.
- Everything is constantly changing. And it is useless to resist change. These are the laws of the universe.
- Don't cling to old emotions and memories.
- Life is like a roller coaster. You're up and down. And that's what makes it interesting.
Accept it and be happy. On our website we also have 15 tips from a psychologist on how to get out of depression on your own.
By realizing this, you will save yourself from the dilemma of how you can forget the person you love very much and blindly.
Tip 7: Find a “vest”
It won't be easy at first. By putting emotions and feelings into a “safe” drop by drop all day, by the evening you will accumulate so many of them that your patience may burst. Think in advance about ways to relieve yourself emotionally. Good options are high-quality crying into a pillow, hitting a punching bag with a photo glued to it, or hitting dishes against the wall. But from regular crying, in a few days the bags under the eyes will weigh a ton, the knuckles on the fingers will swell and turn blue, and at one point it will turn out that there is nothing to drink tea from or eat scrambled eggs from.
The best way to relieve the tension accumulated during the day from constant communication is to find a “vest”. It is a good friend or close person, such as a mother or sister (and you can tell them about all the tricks of this dunce who does not love you) that will help you relax and forget faster.
You need to choose a “vest” with special care. This must be a person who:
- He will not spread rumors or leak what he has told in secret to the whole world.
- It won’t “put pressure on a sore spot,” saying: it’s your own fault that you lost this nugget, praising it and advising how to “get back into the same water.”
- He knows how to listen and voluntarily agrees to endure your outpourings.
- He will be able to point out the advantages of a breakup - remind you of scandals, going to the left, laziness, greed, loose hands, total lies, insensitivity or other shortcomings. Everything said must be true, otherwise the effect will be the opposite.
If the search for a “vest” does not produce results, then keeping a diary can be an alternative.
Reconsider the features of your personality, remind yourself of them
There is such an illusion after a breakup that now supposedly “you are not self-sufficient because you don’t have a soulmate.”
It is especially common among girls who are troubled by restless thoughts about how to forget the man they love.
When it's all over, it's time to go back and reconsider your personality.
It is important to remind yourself of them!
You can read more about how to love yourself and increase self-esteem in a new publication on the site.
You need to reconsider the new you who went through this whole journey with your past partner.
Continue to enjoy life while discovering and learning more about yourself.
Allow yourself to be with a better partner, let go of old limiting beliefs
We attract who we are.
You must realize that you can attract a better partner.
But the paradox is that people themselves do not want to be with the best partner!
Why does this happen to people?
Because after a long relationship a person has taught himself : “I love my soulmate. I don’t want the best for myself, I want the best for both of us.”
Track these habits in yourself and get rid of them.
People cannot believe that it is possible and necessary to forget a person whom you love unrequitedly and blindly.
Don't look for a new partner out of revenge or to make your old one jealous.
- Don't fall into the trap of your ego! Don't have these low petty selfish motives.
- It is a grave mistake to find new partners only for the purpose of asserting yourself in the eyes of your ex!
- Otherwise, with such actions you will only strengthen the thought in your mind: “She/he is the only one.”
- And then all your selfish actions in order to cause jealousy or out of revenge are a big reaction to your ex-partner.
- Let it all go and enjoy a completely new partner and share your passion with each other.
- Have the perception “Now your ex is a random passerby” and there is no point in thinking about him.
Keep these principles in mind to help you close your questions about how to forget the person you love and see every day.
WHY CAN'T I forget my ex? –Method 3
Let's dig deeper. And again, let's be honest with ourselves. Why is it so hard to forget your ex?
In addition to the various feelings that we have for him, the main thing that does not let us forget is HOPE. As our outstanding psychologist M. Litvak said, “hope dies last. But, I would kill her first."
Hope for what?
- Most often, the fact that he “comes to his senses.
- She will understand that I was the best.
- That I loved him better than anyone.
- And that there is no one like me anymore.
- And then, one day, on a gloomy autumn day, he, having suffered, will crawl back.
- By that time he already realizes all his mistakes.
- And, he will change.
- He will crawl back completely different. No, the same, but without all the nasty things he did.”
Approximately this hope lives in the head of a woman (girl) who cannot forget and let go of her ex-man.
But, let's dig even deeper! What is behind this hope? Perhaps your unmet need for recognition? Having not reached the required level of self-love and a sense of one’s own unshakable value?
Why do you need THIS person to give you back the feeling of life? And then, in our reasoning, we can go even deeper.
To the origins, to the parents. To those parents (or other significant adults when you were a child). Which, due to busyness or lack of understanding of pedagogy (after all, only now everyone knows everything) could not give you this deep, unshakable sense of self-worth.
This unconscious belief in our own worth protects us, like a flu shot, from unrequited love and long-term forgetting of an ex.
If it was not enough, we, like little lost children, will sit and wait. Hope. Completely unconscious! But, at the same time, coming up with various excuses for myself - “oh, what sex it was. Oh, what a wonderful time we had...
But the fact remains. The person is no longer nearby. It's time to take a closer look at yourself: maybe it makes sense to love yourself ? To the point where you don’t need confirmation from the man who left you that you are valuable? Where can you look around and see many other great candidates around you?
Don't make the following common mistakes that don't solve your problem:
What does NOT solve problems after a breakup:
- Alcohol, any substances, random connections of meaning and benefit are zero.
- Attempts to travel or move are all attempts to run away from the problem and pretend that it doesn’t exist. It’s like a soldier was shot in the leg, and he went out on a forced march to run a kilometer and pretends that everything is great for him.
- Bringing up negative qualities in your ex and negative things in past relationships is another piece of absurd advice! Following him, you still think about him! You will spend a lot of energy on these thoughts; negativity takes a lot of energy.
- Thinking about some other person is the most useless advice. This is tantamount to advice not to think about the pink elephant that still pops up in your head. Not thinking is also an action, which also consumes energy.
Better re
How to forget the guy you love that you talk to all the time
It’s easier to erase from your memory a person who has disappeared from your sight, does not call, does not write. It's much more difficult if you work or study together. Constant meetings will only aggravate the bitterness of parting and pain. Use the following tips:
- Don't act friendly, but don't be aggressive either. There is no need to be too persistently interested in his life, but it is also stupid to turn in the other direction. Be casual. Your colleagues should not know about the strained communication. Nobody needs rumors.
- Don't turn the team against him. If they become interested, briefly say that the affair is over.
Behave calmly, without emotions. Give yourself the opportunity to be independent.
