17 tips from a psychologist on how to stop loving someone you love very much, for a girl or guy

Unfortunately, ideal relationships only exist on the TV screen. In life, feelings are rarely mutual and lead to a happy marriage. Many unions fall apart due to the desire or fault of the other half. Others suffer from unrequited love, remaining just a friend to their object of adoration. Living in peace when a volcano explodes inside you and your emotions go wild every day at the sight of your beloved is tiring and sad. In this article I will talk about how to forget forever the person you love very much.

We find all the clues regarding the ex-partner

Hooks are certain actions and emotions that make you feel good, give you pleasure, and that you attach great importance to in your life.
The psychologist's first advice on how to stop loving someone you love very much is this: we find all the clues about your ex-person.

If you find all your clues that won’t let you go and make you think about the person, then your attachment to him will decrease.

Find as many of them as possible and remove all clues from your life!

To do this, ask yourself questions

What pleasant things did you receive from your partner?
What did you do for your partner that made you feel positive emotions or hear words of praise addressed to you?
What plans for the future have you made with your partner?
What were your expectations for him?
What special thing did you eat with him or did he cook for you that you had not tried before?
What did the person tell you that was so extraordinary and pleasant that you had never heard from anyone before?
What people and what cool places have you been with that made you feel better?

Answer the questions in writing and find all the clues to answer questions from psychology on the topic of how to stop loving a person who doesn’t love you and not experience the pain of separation and loss.

For example:

When I prepared delicious food for her, I heard very kind words addressed to me. This is a clue.
The woman thinks about how the guy hugged and touched her in a way that no one had ever done before.
Clues can be various declarations of love, words of sentimentality: “I have never had such a person,” “I feel very good with you,” “you are the love of my life,” and the like.
A big clue could be your tenderness and caresses that you gave to each other.

Find all the clues first. How to disable them will be written below in the article.

Tip 1: Mourn the loss

Why does a child cry when he breaks his knee or loses his favorite toy? Through tears he:

Comes to terms with the situation.
Throws out the grudge.
Eases pain from injury or loss.
Tells the parent: I feel bad and need help.

Tears are not a medicine, but they have many benefits. It doesn’t matter if it’s a broken knee or a heart, a lost toy or love. A wound or loss needs to be mourned.

Mourning a breakup with someone you love is the right thing to do. Not quietly into the pillow at night for a year and not indicatively in front of him or those who tell him. You need to cry for a day (well, or two) until the decibels are prohibitive and the walls shake. It is better to do this alone or in the presence of a loved one who is far from the situation, but not indifferent to your suffering, who is able to simply feel sorry for you in a difficult moment and share your warmth without reproaches, accusations and ridicule. Crying, you need to release all the pain and resentment. When there are no more tears left, relief and acceptance will come.

A Deeper Understanding of Sensational Attachment

Many people become attached to the feelings of intimacy that their partner gave you in bed.

Your memories are connected with the sensations that your partner gave you:

tactile pleasures;
touching;
tenderness and warmth;
energy.

Feelings are not the most important thing in life, don’t attach much importance to them. They are all temporary and give only temporary pleasure.

All people blindly chase after sensations and fall into an endless wheel of suffering. Then worries begin about how to stop loving a person who doesn’t love you.

Look soberly at reality.

Tip 8: Look for flaws

Everyone has shortcomings. When we love a person, we deliberately close our eyes to them or don’t notice them because of rose-colored glasses. If you need to stop loving someone, then you should purposefully pay attention to their negative aspects. He picks his nose, is selfish, grunts when he laughs, his socks stink or he doesn’t use deodorant, he wrings his neck behind every skirt, he makes mistakes in the simplest words, he walks around in wrinkled clothes, he’s greedy, his beer belly goes ahead of him, but you never know... There’s no need to point out everything this is for him, so as not to provoke a quarrel and rudeness in response. Just fix his shortcomings in your consciousness and one day their number will outweigh his advantages, and the sign of the relationship will change from plus to minus.

Get rid of everything in your home that makes you think about her/him.

What in the home can reinforce addiction?:

gifts from an ex;
his clothes;
general music and files on the computer;
joint videos and photographs;
all sorts of disks and other, at first glance, little things.

Sometimes it’s enough to see, look, hear (and sometimes smell) how memories quickly come rushing back.

Get rid of it all. Or hide it somewhere in the attic, out of sight.

Let's look at my example

While cleaning my house, I once came across a lens from my ex-girlfriend.

She removed lenses at my home when she stayed with me overnight. Immediately there were pictures in my head and warm memories of the moments together.

Such things need to be found and thrown away immediately.

I removed all things that reminded me of her from my sight in order to close questions on the topic of how to stop loving a girl who doesn’t love you and not think about her anymore.

Tip 9: Take up your free time

It will be easier to cope with a breakup if you occupy your brain and body so that there is no time or energy left for suffering. Work more or plunge headlong into your studies, play sports, start taking guitar courses. If you have some free time, urgently wash the windows in your apartment or help your mother defeat the weeds in the garden. In general, do not allow yourself to be alone with yourself. Idleness and inaction are the worst enemies. They free up time for reflection.

How to Silence the Restless Mind and Inner Voice That Make You Suffer

Write answers to the following questions in writing

What negative and painful emotions and states will you continue to experience with your partner if you do not break the connection now?
How will your life change for the better when the person is no longer with you? What will you gain, how will you feel?
How painful will your life be if you continue to be in a relationship with this partner?
If I lived a 10/10 ideal life (where I have everything in order in my personal life, my finances, I have an abundance of choice and am happy), then what would I do?

For each question, list and find as many answers as possible. Write them in list form.

It is very important to do this in writing, regardless of your gender, to remove worries and thoughts about how to stop loving a person who does not want or need you.

Nuances

Write down the answers as thoroughly, deeply and in detail as possible!
After that, every time the mind again begins to remind you of the person, makes you suffer, you open this list in front of you.
A list with answers will shut your mind and remind it of why you don't need the person.
The mind will simply lag behind with its restless thoughts, because the list with answers directly tells it how bad you are now with your partner and how it will be even worse if everything continues.
The next time you remember a person, keep your list with the answers nearby.

Discredit the image of your lover

Lovers idealize their loved one. They ignore the negative qualities and actions of their partner and extol even minor achievements. Often a person loves not a real person, but the image that he himself has created.

If you want to destroy the illusion, soberly analyze the one you love:

put aside your emotions;
look at your chosen one from the outside;
remember your partner’s unpleasant reactions and actions, shortcomings, negative qualities that were previously forgiven or ignored;
resurrect unpleasant experiences (shame, anger, etc.) that are associated with the one you are in love with.

Psychotherapist, psychologist and writer Evgeny Tarasov in the book “How to survive a breakup and become happy. 20 tests and 25 rules” recommends training on discrediting the image of a loved one at least three times a week:

Create an image of your loved one in your mind and place it on the cover of a magazine.
Carefully consider all the details of the portrait, imagine this person on the beach, in the office, or fishing. Complete the task within 5 minutes.
Come up with and visualize a case where your chosen one found himself in an absurd or funny situation. Laugh at him, joke, tease him. Complete the task for 5 minutes.
Mentally destroy the portrait of your loved one in the magazine, tear it up or burn it.

Find for yourself and identify those moments where you were manipulated

These may be those moments in your relationship when you were given either positive or negative emotions.
Thus, you get hooked on the person for the sake of repeating high positive emotions again.
Or your partner was attractive and beautiful only in very rare and exceptional moments. But these moments are so epic and unique to anyone else that you are ready to do almost anything for him in order to see a person again at the peak of his happiness, to see his attractiveness and charm.
The more unexpected and episodic those moments occurred, the stronger your dependence and submission to him is consolidated.
In this way, your behavior becomes more entrenched, where you submit to another. There is such a hidden, maybe even unconscious manipulation of you.

Find and write these points on paper as well.

This will help remove worries about how to stop loving someone if you see him every day and who may have used these chips on you before.

Thus, you will find more reasons why you felt bad with your partner and why you should not continue to be together.

There will be an even greater incentive to break the unhealthy attachment.

Tip 10: Change your image

There is an opinion that hair stores information for a long time. After stress, difficult situations in life, illness, worries and breakups, it is recommended to cut them off (at least partially). I cannot guarantee the veracity of this. But changing your image definitely helps cope with mental anguish. Tested on myself and repeatedly. When you change externally, both your inner world and your outlook on life change. It’s as if you become a different person, not connected with the past.

Change your wardrobe. Shopping is a pill for all diseases, including mental ones. It doesn't help everyone, but why not try it. As my friend says: “You can’t go into a new life in old clothes!”

How to turn off leads on the person you love very much

To disable hooks you need:

Realize that you can give yourself all these clues without needing anyone.
Realize their uselessness , and they will be discarded on their own.

You yourself can satisfy your desires and needs, without the need for someone from the outside.

Examples

Food – you can learn to cook yourself or go and have a hearty and tasty lunch in a good canteen.
Pleasantness in bed - you can always find someone with higher skill.
Words of praise and approval - approve of yourself.
Contrast of emotions - there are activities that are many times more expressive and exciting. Skydiving, martial arts and others.

If you have found all the clues, realized their uselessness, found moments of manipulation, got rid of everything that reminds you of your partner, made a list of reasons and reasons why you will be even better without him, how bad you are now with him and will become even worse, then you will close your questions about how to stop loving a guy who doesn’t love you, or an ex-girlfriend.

Start from abundance, get rid of the thinking “that person is the only one on earth”

You come from a lack mindset and you are still obsessed with the supposedly “special” person, so you are still clinging.
You still naively believe that your former passion stands out among others when the former attraction is no longer there. This kind of thinking, especially among ladies, as a result creates unnecessary worries about how to stop loving a man and not suffer, and finally let him go.
Perhaps he has already left you, but you, still communicating with other people of the opposite sex, think that “here is my beloved - he is still different.”
It's time to get rid of this pathetic type of thinking : “He/she is the only one. I'm drawn to him. We watched all these melodramas and TV series, books and songs that talk about true love. I think this was my man."
Some continue to keep the victim's petty thoughts in their minds: “I can't help but rummage around in my head and keep thinking about him. I have never had anything like this and never will.”

Love yourself more and you won't fall into that victim mentality. You can learn more about how to love yourself in another publication.

You yourself are your goal in life, not some other person.

Let's look at an example with an ordinary girl

Her usual gray everyday life. Let's imagine that an ordinary woman NOT in a relationship goes to work every day. This becomes her reality and her life. Even if she is not so passionate about work and there is no strong passion. Then she comes home, watches movies, eats and goes to bed. And this is how her life goes.
What is your brain craving to give you a purpose in life in the world where you find yourself? It's "find that one person."
And when, against the backdrop of that boring life, you meet a “special” partner, your brain tells you, “This is the one. Now you have someone to live for.”
He may not even be the best . Perhaps he is the best at your job or in the one where you are often found. But this is how the brain plays a cruel joke on you.
Your brain mistakenly begins to see a person as a purpose in life and a reason to wake up every morning. This makes the life of the same ordinary average woman less boring. This imaginary sensation gives you new emotions.
Now, for his sake, she begins to try to look better, to somehow take care of herself. Meeting such a person, a woman gives significance to her previous reality.

A woman needs to get rid of this type of thinking so as not to need the advice of a psychologist later on how to stop loving a married man or another secret passion.

Ask yourself: “Do you still love him and carry this with you to feel a sense of purpose in life?”

If the answer is “Yes,” then it is your big mistake to make your loved one and relationship the goal in your life.

This type of thinking destroys many people. This kind of mental illusion can drive you crazy. You should not fall into this unhealthy trap.

Perhaps many men, like young ladies, resonate with thinking this way about their ex. But this will in no way answer your questions about how to stop loving a girl you love very much.

Social programming greatly promotes this kind of thinking. It's written about here.

But this is not normal!

How to resolve the issue?

Get rid of this type of thinking. Otherwise, you will always be in an unhealthy relationship.
You need to realize that you yourself, your biases, are the goal in your life.
Change your focus to something else that will add more meaning to your life. For example, your career, hobby, self-development.
Find something that makes you more passionate and passionate about the process than your ex-lover.

Don't communicate with others in the same manner as you did with an ex-love who hasn't loved you for a long time.

When communicating with others of the opposite sex, do not project the same vibe, flirtation, and emotions that you did with your ex.

Otherwise, you will cling emotionally and look for your former passion in other people.

It will be harder for you to forget your old relationship, you will cling to what has already ended.

If a wife stops loving her husband, and he continues to look for someone like her among others, then other women, when communicating with him, will feel that something wrong is going on, and he is imposing a completely different frame on them.

We talked about this and other ways to erase former lovers from memory in another article.

Don’t make these mistakes, and you will close your questions about how to stop loving a wife who hasn’t loved you for a long time.

How to erase unrequited love from your memory

“You can’t be nice by force” – you don’t immediately understand the deep meaning and truthfulness of this phrase. Refuse to act on emotions and rash actions that will show you not in the best light.

Ask a question

Don’t be under the illusion that your chosen one will suddenly remember you. Don’t look for dates with him and don’t sort things out. He doesn't care, but you're ruining your nerves.

Don't spy on the details of its existence. Do not plot and do not weave intrigues. This will not help you get your loved one back. There is also no need to cry over lost love. Find time for more interesting things.

Don't be afraid to start over from scratch, trust and believe in yourself

One of the reasons why you continue to love someone you divorced, you continue to cling to, is because you do not believe in yourself and there is no faith that you can find something better. You don't believe that you can experience even stronger and better emotions than these with a new person.
This is a desperate attachment to a person: “You only have one other half. You only have one true love. If you break up, that’s it.”
Get rid of this thinking! Otherwise, every breakup will be difficult for you, you will repeat the same organ grinder. The mind will play with you, saying: “No, you will never find such a close person. It was the real one, blah blah blah.”
You must have faith that you can build a new relationship that is even better than this one.
Don't be afraid to start from scratch! Don’t be afraid to start all over again in order to get rid of troubling problems and not need any prayers, magic or conspiracies on how to stop loving a person quickly. This is all unnecessary.

Use positive self-hypnosis

Psychologist and writer Dmitry Semenik in his book “How to survive a breakup with a loved one” explains that someone who is in love unconsciously forms a negative belief when breaking up. Convinces himself that:

will remain lonely;
nobody needs;
does not see the meaning of life without a partner.

Self-hypnosis worsens the condition and does not help to get out of the crisis. Such internal attitudes lead to despair, helplessness, melancholy and even mental disorders. The author believes that it is necessary to find benefits in your new state.

Dmitry Semenik recommends replacing negative statements with positive ones. Convince yourself and find real evidence that life has become qualitatively different, better, richer and freer. When assessing your life situation and predicting the future, do not use the particle “not”.

Understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships

It's still normal to develop and be in a relationship with a person and care for them. But you still need to be aware of the difference between a healthy relationship and an unhealthy one.

As mentioned above, an unhealthy relationship is when you are crazy about him, coming from a mindset of lack and neediness.

This leads to terrible relationships and, as a result, terrible breakups and depression. You can read 15 ways to get rid of depression on the FeelPassion website.

This is where all the worries about how to stop loving a husband who doesn’t love you and other worries begin.

You can also learn about the psychology of relationships between a guy and a girl here.

What's the difference?

A healthy relationship is when, for example, a woman realizes that yes, there are some men with whom she feels more attraction and chemistry than others. They are 100%. But there are a lot of such men! And there are not as few of them as it might seem.
The difference is that when you build a relationship, you realize that it takes a lot of time to get to know a person, and you don’t cling to him right away, don’t add illusions to his image.
You enjoy getting to know each other, caring for each other, communicating, but don't fall into the mindset that there aren't enough of them and you don't cling.
What type of men a woman should choose and what type of girls a guy should choose is a personal choice for each person.
But make sure that there is relaxed communication between you, where there is freedom and space for growth, and no one goes crazy about someone. Follow this, and you won't find yourself in situations where you don't know what to do if a girl says she stopped loving you and left you.

Tip 6: Keep your distance

Sometimes you still have to communicate. At school, being in the same class, where the lack of square meters and the educational process itself makes it impossible to limit communication. Or with a colleague with whom you work on a project or spend working hours at neighboring tables. In these cases, it is important to keep your distance and not allow him to violate your personal space.

“Exes”, as a rule, believe that they can allow themselves all sorts of liberties in relation to their “ex” - hugging them in their own way, making all sorts of jokes or saying phrases like: “do you remember how you and I ...” or “you’ll help, after all?” We are not strangers to each other.” Such things must be stopped immediately and categorically. And don’t “get ready to fight” yourself either - you don’t need to straighten his tie, make coffee, because he’s used to drinking it at lunch or treating him to the pies he loves. Rudeness is also not an option. The best behavior is discreet friendliness and calm (not demonstrative) indifference.

Accept the fact that everything in this world is temporary

Your object of adoration can always change . You need to understand the fact that months and years fly by, a person can change. He cannot remain the same person all the time. You yourself change throughout your life.
It's the same with life . Everything in life is temporary and changes. There is nothing that remains unchanged. Everything has the end.
People don't like it and resist it . People don't like it and don't want to face the fact that they can control everything. They cling to moments, to people.
If you continue to cling , you will continue to lose and experience heaviness and bitterness. If you have already managed to find a good person for yourself, then you will succeed again.
There's no reason why you can't create a new, strong relationship. Accept your journey called life as it comes. Thus, you will no longer need any psychological methods to force yourself to stop loving a person.

Find only the positives in the gap

No matter what negative thing happens to you, no matter what break in relationship happens to you, you always have 2 choices :

Or fall into the victim mentality, sad that you are now alone, “I was abandoned - oh my God.”
Or find in this a reason to wake up, find motivation, be a holistic and self-sufficient person and grow with a new goal.

Interpret everything that happened in your favor.

Write a list of reasons why you are cool without your ex. This is one of the techniques in psychology on the topic of how you can stop loving a person.

Examples of the benefits of breaking up

After a breakup, you begin to look at the world with your own eyes.
You learn to deal with your emotions.
You have a wave of energy to recover and move on from the breakup.

What period is considered natural for the period of adaptation and grief?

Parting has certain stages of grief: we go through approximately the same stages when a loved one dies. These are denial, justification, anger, depression and acceptance. We go through them all in different ways, at different speeds. It all depends on how adaptive our psyche is, what injuries we have. On average, it takes at least three months to six months. But everything is very individual, and if you have lived together for seven years, then it may take you quite a long time to recover from the breakup.

Stop comparing everyone to your ex.

Realize that every person is unique in their own way.

If you look at other ladies based on your ex's criteria, you will endlessly reinforce the "she's the one" mentality and never get rid of it.

Thus, the young man will continue to worry about how to stop loving a girl quickly.

Never compare girls or guys based on the criteria and characteristics of your ex-lover.

Tell yourself, “This has been an interesting experience in my life. Let us now accept and explore the uniqueness of other people.”

How to help a friend forget another person

If you see a loved one suffering from unrequited love, show unobtrusive participation. Of course, there is no need to convince him that his ex is a negative character.

Invite him for a walk, to the cinema, offer to go to another city for the weekend or sign up for courses together. Or ask for help by coming up with a serious reason. If he wants to participate, he will distribute his thoughts and spend time on another activity.

Understanding the difference between loving and being attached

Loving someone doesn't mean owning them or needing them. If you love because you need, then you do NOT love the person, but what he gives you.
Total love is complete and all-encompassing, which embraces all people, not just two. Attachment fences two people off from others, builds walls around them.
Love does not set any conditions or ultimatums. Attachment constantly sets limits and rules.
Love allows a person to be himself. Attachment requires meeting your partner's expectations.

That's all. Pay special attention to written analysis and written responses to questions.

Now you know all the techniques on how you can stop loving a girl, ex-husband or wife, living with her for a long period in suffering and reaching the breaking point.

Keep a joy journal

To return to a full life and stop loving a person, you need to find joy in everyday life. Candidate of Philosophy and Doctor of Psychology, writer Nikolai Kozlov recommends keeping a diary of joyful events. Write down daily moments in your life that brought you pleasure, made you laugh, or surprised you.

Exercise helps you focus on the positive side of life. The diary must be filled out daily; reading it will be an excellent support on difficult days.