A little-known fact: if you look too conspicuous and it upsets you, it costs you nothing to hide from others, become invisible in a noisy crowd so that no one notices you. Many people may be too tall or naturally have very bright eyes, which makes them stand out from others, so everyone's attention is drawn to them. However, even such people may not attract attention.
And we will look at this rather typical situation using the example of a girl who is very tall, and, moreover, is naturally clumsy and noisy. Nothing stops her from hiding from others. That's why she wants to teach other people to look so that they simply won't be recognized.
After reading this, you will have all the skills and know-how you need to navigate public places without being noticed. And trust us, you'll find many situations in which these skills will come in handy, whether you're on the street, at work, or in a company parking lot.
You don't have to do anything fancy to become invisible in plain sight
You don't need special technology, magical cloaks or crazy ninja moves to become invisible. You can become invisible in everyday clothes while walking around like a completely normal person. All it takes is a little forethought.
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Consider the vast majority of your friends. What's the first thing you notice about them? Their hair? Their outfits? Their crazy glasses? If these identifying characteristics were to change, do you think you would still recognize these people? Probably no.
The key to becoming invisible is to disassociate yourself from your defining characteristics. You might think that it's impossible, that you can't get rid of your weird pinkish skin, your weird nose, or your super blue eyes. This (without any additional effort) may be true. But you don't have to change these things to hide them from view. All you have to do is make sure that other characteristics identify you.
Causes
- Remember when I told you that there are different types of temperament? If not, look here . So, a child is born with a certain type, usually phlegmatic or melancholic. He’s simply been much more interested in himself since childhood, his inner world is much more fascinating than his outer world, so there’s no need to sound the alarm and try to change it.
- Why does a person become withdrawn? Yes, because in adolescence I failed to cope with the task of development due to conflict situations or misunderstandings with peers. As a result, having experienced a lot of feelings and not finding support, I decided to become invisible so that everything would not happen again. Shame literally paralyzes you when trying to act casually in the company of strangers.
- If parents do not pay due attention and care in childhood, the child, not feeling supported, can become a deviant, or, on the contrary, withdraws into himself, since adults ignore his problems, he decides that others will not need him either. You can see what the word “deviant” means in this article.
- The negative experience of being born in an aggressive family, where every movement is devalued and punished. Whatever the child does, he doesn’t like it. Over time, every attempt to stand out and show up will be accompanied by guilt, shame, horror, fear and other feelings. This usually happens in families where one of the parents, more often the father, has an alcohol addiction and becomes violent every time he drinks.
- As I said at the beginning, a person often becomes closed due to a traumatic situation. For example, if your husband cheated or your girlfriend betrayed you, your psyche may not be able to withstand the stress, and in order to preserve your personality, create such a defense mechanism by directing attention deep into yourself. Such a person may well deceive himself, believing that there is simply no need for others anymore. In fact, this speaks of pain in him, which is covered with indifference and pomposity. It is much easier to devalue the importance of those around you than to admit that you have begun to avoid them out of fear and a sense of vulnerability.
The simpler you dress, the less likely it is that people will recognize you by your clothes.
Let's look at an example. You will put on your usual summer dress, bright, even acidic sandals, as well as super conspicuous glasses and go out in public.
And this is how you dress on a regular basis. People are used to seeing you in this role, so when they meet you, they immediately pay attention to this distinctive clothing. If, say, you wore different, discreet outfits day after day, you wouldn’t have any characteristic features that make people recognize you.
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For this reason, if you wear regular jeans with a shirt, you will become invisible.
Characteristic
Closedness has such signs as the inability to establish not only close relationships, but also contact with others in general. If someone pays attention and turns to such a person, it will cause him a lot of tension, anxiety and sometimes even fear. If these are innate character traits that symbolize closedness, then he does not know how to establish affection and be close to another person, receive his support and attention. Because there is a subconscious fear that his personality will be absorbed and destroyed, and he will cease to exist as separate and unique.
If he acquired it during his life, being subjected to a series of disappointments or betrayals, or becoming a participant in a traumatic situation, he will simply be afraid to open up to the world again. By avoiding relationships, he will avoid pain. Because there is an illusion that life becomes easier this way. But human psychology is such that he is a social being and simply needs intimacy and communication. I recommend reading the article about communication skills.
When communicating with introverts and schizoids, you will be able to notice that they rarely look you in the eyes, for fear of “colliding glances.” After all, this threatens that they will have to experience some feelings that, for various reasons, they do not want to feel. For example, out of inability to handle them, or out of unwillingness to feel them again. And sometimes, so that you don’t notice what they are currently going through.
When you try to have a sincere and heart-to-heart conversation, you risk running into a wall of intellectualization. After all, it really helps not to feel, as a result of which the conversation does not arouse interest and desire to continue it further. Inhibition is another sign that helps answer the question: “how to recognize a withdrawn person?” Yes, it’s inhibition, because the inner world is so captivating that it’s not always possible to switch quickly, and most often you don’t want to. In a company, he will be isolated, somewhere nearby, watching the others, as if “looking closely” at them.
Example steps
It is so simple. Here's what you need to do:
- Create a visual feature that differentiates you from other people.
- Show it in a specific sequence.
- Remove this feature if you do not want to be recognized.
At this time, clothing is the easiest means by which you can create a distinctive characteristic of the lure. You can also use hairstyle for this purpose.
Find the reasons for isolation and begin to eliminate them
Closed people differ from ordinary introverts in that they seek communication and strive for it, but constantly stumble upon internal blocks: fears, shame, complexes. All this has reasons, which are very important to find in order to understand where to start changing.
We will analyze your peculiarity in detail so that you can better know yourself and be able to improve.
Psychological traumas of childhood
Pathological isolation, that is, the difficulty of building social contacts, arises in childhood itself. Most often - due to lack of self-confidence, if you were praised little and had high demands.
Also, such individuals grow up in families with emotionally cold, distant parents who do not know how to express their feelings. Another problem is the lack of experience of social connections, if you did not go to kindergarten and did not attend school much, and did not communicate with peers. Because of this, a person closes off, protecting himself from a world unknown to him, where everyone talks, makes friends and shares emotions.
If you realize that you have become withdrawn for these reasons, you need to give yourself what you have been missing since childhood:
- learn to praise yourself for success and pamper yourself;
- Try to visit places where there are other people with your loved one to get used to society and stop being afraid of it;
- communicate more with friends and colleagues.
You don’t have to open your soul completely; to start, it’s enough to just become more friendly and welcoming. This will take the first step towards liberation from isolation.
Provoking situations
There is also situational isolation, which arises only under certain circumstances. This is a protective mechanism of the psyche that is triggered at the following moments:
- in unfamiliar companies;
- among people unpleasant to you;
- during a conversation on a topic that you don’t know or don’t like;
- with banal fatigue and bad mood;
- due to a profession associated with constant communication with people.
In such cases, loved ones suffer from your isolation. Various circumstances take away your energy, and the nervous system defends itself by making you closed.
To fix this, you need to learn to relax and relieve stress in other ways. And also allow yourself to spend time alone, doing things you love, to improve your mood and feel empowered to communicate with others.
Adult relationship problems
If you are faced with a psychotraumatic situation (husband's betrayal, betrayal of a loved one), then the overloaded psyche puts on armor that makes you withdrawn. You focus on your inner world rather than the outer, believing that other people only bring pain, so it is better not to get involved with them at all.
But man is a social being, so he needs communication and close relationships like air. Devaluing others is self-deception in self-defense.
You still have pain inside of you from another person. You need to understand that not everyone is like that. Let go of grievances and difficult past. Understand what your role is in that unpleasant situation and learn from your mistakes. A psychologist will help you do this.
Additional Helpful Tips
This particular method of becoming invisible only works if you're very good at training others to recognize you based on manageable attributes, and doesn't work for many other people (for example, some people always recognize others by their faces, gait, or voice - things that aren't obvious such as hair and clothing). Additionally, if your intended decoy resembles the characteristics of many other people you know, it will be largely useless, since people only rely on what makes you look different when they develop their internal methods of recognizing you.
If you find yourself in a situation where you need to immediately hide from other people, but the typical method does not work for you, then there are also other ways to do this:
- Take off or put on an atypical jacket/sunglasses.
- Wear a hat that covers your hair and head.
- Put a couple of stones in your shoes to change your gait.
- Don't wear makeup like you're trying to hide.
- Stick to large crowds.
- Avoid eye contact.
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How to become silent, secretive and withdrawn.
There lived a family. And they had a son who could not speak. One morning he slams his fist on the table:
- F#ck, why is the tea cold?
Mom and Dad:
- Son, you are not dumb! You can speak? Why were you silent before?
— So far everything was fine.
“My tongue is my enemy,” “The word is silver, and silence is gold,” how many times have you told yourself this? And still, you say too much again and again. You blurt out inappropriately. You destroy your own perspectives and options with your language. And you would like to remain silent, but somehow it happens by itself. How to get rid of openness? How to learn not to talk too much? How can you become a little more silent, a little more withdrawn, a little more secretive?
First of all, is it necessary to strive for this at all? Now all sorts of psychologists teach that you need to express yourself boldly, that you don’t need to keep your emotions inside yourself? Need to. In certain situations, being silent and secretive is very important. Classic example. It has been known for many years that serious employers check a candidate’s social media profile when hiring. And there is a huge layer of information that should not be posted on social networks. You shouldn’t post photos from drinking parties, you shouldn’t post about how you hate your job and don’t want to work. But they fast with tenacity worthy of better use. Likewise, in a number of professions, secrecy is strongly encouraged. In law enforcement agencies, for example. The less a person talks about work, the better. And a person who doesn’t know how to keep quiet can freely part with his job.
Well, yes - very often it makes no sense to shout loudly about your political preferences. Especially if you are young and you can still change your preferences about ten times. For example, in Ukraine a huge number of people already declare their preferences openly - but wearing a mask or balaclava. And there is even a modern proverb: “comrade, believe me, it will pass, both democracy and openness, and then state security will find the logs of the forum.” A number of acquaintances write heartfelt posts on social networks, boldly exposing and castigating the vices of the authorities. At the same time, he writes under someone else’s name - and periodically erases posts to zero. In general, these are not the most cautious people. The most careful ones even write in Skype, rearranging the letters slightly so that the robot monitoring Skype traffic doesn’t guess.
Well, in a whole range of situations, a lot of people simply will not talk to you and will not do business with you if they simply think that you are prone to talkativeness. You simply automatically fall into the unreliable category - that’s all.
Yes - one moment. All of the above should be understood this way. Talkativeness is not harmful in itself. Talkativeness is harmful when you chat about important, relevant things. If you spend hours talking about the weather without closing your mouth, all of the above will only apply to you by 10%.
So, there is a point in becoming more secretive and silent. But how to do that? There are people who, by nature, are closed and taciturn from birth. They don't have such a problem. But what if you are not like that? If you like to tell people everything, share secrets with people, communicate and exchange thoughts?
There is such wording in the legislation. “Anything you say can be used against you.” Very good wording. Vital. Try to imagine this formulation applied to yourself. So you speak - and the enemy listens to you. Not even an enemy, but an ENEMY. You speak - and he thinks about how to harm you. And the more you say, the more he will know about you. And the better it can do harm. You laughingly talk about yesterday's drinking session - and he mentally writes a denunciation (or even writes on a tape recorder) - “the suspect admitted that he systematically drinks alcohol, is prone to binge drinking and cannot control himself when intoxicated.” You jokingly say that our government is not very good. And he writes - “the suspect said that the government hates and is planning terrorist attacks.” You say that the boss was late for work yesterday - and he writes “he has a deep hostility towards management, constantly discusses the actions of his superiors and persuades other employees to steal from the organization.” Just imagine this quite seriously.
However, it is difficult to imagine such a plan of things. If you don't have the relevant experience. If life didn't beat you. Please note that those who were beaten are usually much more careful in their words. So let's try it from the other side.
To be continued - follow the link below.
Where are the screamers and sad people now? They became noisy and disappeared at a young age... And the silent ones became leaders, Because silence is golden.
Alexander Chernykh
Find your unique qualities and strengths
This will help you become confident and less shy, because shyness is a common problem for reserved people. Think about your personality. What strong character traits do you have? Most likely, you are a well-read, educated person. You have your own interests and hobbies that you pursue. Perhaps you have a subtle sense of humor or an unconventional view of things.
Once you realize your uniqueness, you will become more satisfied with yourself. Self-confident individuals are more willing to make contact with others than closed and constrained individuals.
If you cannot highlight your strengths, then shape them. Do what you have long dreamed of, devote more time to professional skills. I am sure that very soon you will look at yourself in a new way. Your inner world will attract good people if you share it.
Develop your people skills
Closed people are uncommunicative. It seems even convenient, because you are protected from the risk of rejection, you are not afraid of awkwardness, condemnation, conflict and other problems of interpersonal communication.
So there are secondary benefits to your isolation.
But there are still more negative consequences. Because the loneliness that accompanies closed people becomes the cause of depression, as well as psychosomatic illnesses. Try the following tips to open up to people.
- Smile at people passing by on the street or just look them in the eyes to make you feel part of the community.
- Learn how to communicate with people so you can have a casual conversation and stop being afraid of them.
- Take up liberating creative activities, such as singing or acting. By the way, introverted people often have more creative abilities than others.
Of course it won't be easy for you. You will worry that you will say something stupid or cause confusion among others. But you have to get out of your comfort zone if you want to stop being closed off. At first, just get used to being in society, and then slowly open up to communication so that the transition is smooth and less stressful.
