After the betrayal of a loved one, it seems that the whole world is collapsing and there is nothing left in life. But in fact, everything is still ahead, and you can become happy again. Maybe even with her. The main thing is not to rush, and even if the girl cheated, what to do with her and your relationship should not be decided rashly. Otherwise, you may bitterly regret your decision later.
Make sure there was cheating
If your girlfriend cheated and then admitted what happened, then there is no need to check the information. But if you only have conjectures, conjectures, suspicions, or, even worse, gossip, then you need to check the facts. Was there really treason?
You can’t rely on indirect signs of a girl’s betrayal when it comes to your future. You need irrefutable evidence. On the one hand, it will be easier for you to decide what to do next, because you will have no doubt about her betrayal. On the other hand, it’s easier to have a conversation with a traitor when you have irrefutable evidence on your hands.
On our website there is an article on the topic of collecting evidence about a woman’s infidelity, but here we will briefly duplicate the options for obtaining evidence:
- Check your phone and computer for correspondence, photos together, notes about the affair.
- Pockets, purse and personal items for checks, hotel statements, expensive gifts, notes for bouquets, keys to someone else's apartment.
- The car for unknown men's things, cigarettes in the ashtray.
- Check the DVR recordings in her car, or donate a similar device and install it personally.
- Track the user’s movement using a GPS tracker or look at the user’s movement on Google maps.
- Install spyware on her phone to save all her keystrokes, so you can read her messages.
- Just follow her the old fashioned way, maybe see her leaving with another man after work.
The invasion of a girl's privacy should go unnoticed. If she suddenly notices something, she will most likely be the initiator of the breakup.
You need to carry out all these operations if you want to save the relationship and are not 100% sure that the girl is cheating.
Two ways if a girl cheated on her boyfriend
Once you find out about cheating, you will have to make serious decisions regarding the future of your relationship. Now it all depends on you - whether they will continue or end.
It is advisable not to make a decision rashly. Take a break. Stay alone with yourself for at least 2-3 days, so that no one distracts you from your thoughts, especially a cheater. You need to come to your senses so you can make an informed decision.
Parting
A girl is not a wife. You are not bound by laws, children, jointly acquired property and other serious things. Your relationship is based on mutual trust and affection. And now the girl has cheated and your whole connection is broken.
Your actions:
- Have a serious talk with the girl. Explain that you know everything and do not intend to tolerate her any longer. Do not stoop to hysterics, threats, assault, insults and revenge. By being indifferent you will hurt her more.
- Resolve property issues. Most often, a guy and a girl live separately, so it’s enough to exchange forgotten things, and that’s it. But if you rented an apartment together, someone will have to look for new housing and transport things there.
- Get rid of hope. You will no longer have anything - she betrayed and deceived you, trampled on your trust and nothing will be the same. Memories from your life BEFORE may beckon you, but it won’t be like that anymore. The relationship is already damaged and you will always feel the taste of betrayal, you will become jealous, suspicious, touchy, etc. It will exhaust both of you.
- Get away from the memories. The first time after separation is the most difficult. Now you need to remove any reminders of it from visibility. Joint photos, gifts, memorabilia. Rearrange the room. Block her phone and page.
- Immerse yourself in something. You need to load your thoughts so that there is no time left for memories and regrets. This is something different for everyone: work, books, computer games, extreme sports, communication with friends, a movie marathon, etc. Try something new - the more memorable things happen, the faster you will get your unfaithful ex out of your head.
- Get out among people. When the pain subsides, start getting out into people, talking to girls, at least in a friendly way. Don’t become isolated and assume that all girls cheat – this is not true. There are loyal people on both sides of the barricades, and you just need to find your person. Don't carry old grievances into a new relationship.
Time will heal old wounds and you will be able to move on from this unpleasant situation and become happy again. It’s better to tear off the band-aid in one motion and endure it, than to drag it out and suffer for years, remembering her betrayal and expecting a repeat.
Forgive
Your feelings for her do not change, even if the girl cheats. Or maybe there was no betrayal and it was just a misunderstanding and an accident:
- she drank too much at a party and someone took advantage of her condition;
- she found out about your betrayal and emotionally responded in kind;
- you took a break from the relationship, and she decided that you had broken up;
- passion and strong emotions drove her crazy, and later she immediately regretted it and confessed everything to you, etc.
Situations in life are very different. All people make mistakes, and no one is immune from them. So an understanding guy who loves his girlfriend can forgive her for the first time.
All people make mistakes and deserve forgiveness.
Decide for yourself what to do if the girl doesn’t know that you know about her cheating. You can remain silent, pretend that nothing happened. Some men find it easier to forgive cheating if no one knows that he took this step. Even the traitor herself.
It's a completely different matter if the cards are already laid out on the table. You won't be able to play the silent game here; you'll have to discuss the situation.
- Say how you feel, what emotions this situation evokes in you. Try to use I-messages to avoid making things personal.
- Ask about the reasons for what happened. What prompted her to get closer to another man. Maybe your relationship isn't as smooth as you thought, and there's room for improvement.
- Find a compromise. Discuss how you can change for each other so this doesn't happen again. Ask her to help you get through this - give up passwords on your phone, don’t ignore calls, interrupt any communication with her lover, etc. Don't demand it - it must be voluntary. Look for compromises that will suit both sides.
- Forget about what happened. Remember your relationship BEFORE this event, focus on the situation AFTER. Don't remember the betrayal - it didn't happen. Don’t blame the girl, don’t remind her of this, don’t tease her and don’t use it as an argument in an argument. Try to manage your emotions to avoid suspicion and excessive jealousy.
- Try to create more happy memories together. Go on vacation, go on attractions, visit new places in the city, find a hobby together, or just go for walks more often. Over time, you will push unpleasant memories out of your head, and positive emotions will outweigh the negative ones. In a couple of years, you won’t even remember this unpleasant incident.
It is possible to save a relationship only if both want it with all their hearts. The girl must go to the meeting and agree to your proposals.
The best cure for female infidelity is prevention
To avoid cheating in the future, you need to constantly work on your relationship. Remember that their main enemy is routine . It is enough to follow simple recommendations to create variety.
Regular varied sex
In bed you can't think only about yourself. Find out what your partner likes. There is no need to be shy: a serious relationship requires mutual trust. To liberate her, start with your fantasies.
Try new positions, arrange a sex excursion around the summer city, go with her to a sex shop, try it out, arrange sex via SMS or Skype. There are many options, it all depends on your imagination. You yourself will discover a new quality of sexual life.
Signs of attention
- Compliments. To make a girl feel desired, do not forget to regularly remind her of this. Write her compliments via SMS, notes.
A list of the most original compliments to a girl’s beauty can be found at the link.
Surprises. Give her unusual dates and surprises. Go karting, arrange a quest for her, visit theaters and cinema.
How to give a girl an original surprise without money is written in this article.
Options for the most original places for a date are here.
Present. Give gifts and flowers not only on holidays.
Go on a trip to the sea together, fly to Murmansk in winter and look at the northern lights. Spending time together brings both partners closer.
Do not rush to become despondent if your girlfriend cheated on you. Look at it from the other side: You gained experience, albeit unpleasant, and realized your mistakes.
Try turning the page and start enjoying freedom or finding a new darling. And forget your defeats, there are still many victories ahead. Good luck to you!
She cheated on me, but I love her
You cannot command the heart, and even after betrayal it continues to love the traitor. In your head you can understand perfectly well that forgiveness will untie her hands. After the first betrayal, feeling her own impunity, she will most likely commit betrayal a second time. And the third.
Although on the other hand, there may not be betrayal. Often people cheat out of stupidity, drunkenness or in a fit of anger. They later regret it and never repeat their mistake again.
So don't put an end to your relationship.
Even if she cheated on you, if you can’t imagine your life without her, forgive and forget. You can still have a happy life if you both want it to continue. Life is a difficult thing, and many couples have gone through betrayal, but kept their family together. And later they were glad that they didn’t destroy everything because of one mistake.
Ask yourself the following questions to gain insight:
- How is the girl behaving? Is she trying to save your relationship and make amends? Is he begging for forgiveness? If she mocks you, makes fun of you, or waits indifferently for a decision, then there is nothing to save here. She does not value relationships, and they can be interrupted at any moment.
- Were there any betrayals before this? The first betrayal may be a mistake, but if they are constantly repeated, it is a choice. And you need to make your own. Offer the girl an open relationship and discuss the rules (be sure to use protection, return home every night, etc.). Or, if cheating is unacceptable to you, break up.
- Why do you doubt? The girl cheated, but you still don’t know what to do. This means you’re not ready to leave, but you don’t want to forgive either. What's stopping you? Maybe the opinions of others? Or disgust? Or fear that she will deceive again? Understand the true reasons, and you will understand how to proceed.
To save the relationship, you need to discuss the situation. Tell the girl that you know about her cheating. Find out the reasons for her actions, find a way to improve your relationship.
Warn that this is the last time you forgive her.
In some cases, it will be appropriate to remain silent and pretend that you don’t know anything. We are talking about accidentally cheating while drunk or as revenge.
You decided to leave
First, before you leave, discuss everything with her again. If you don't change your mind after this, then leave. At the same time, do not give false hopes, and also do not try to remain friends if this does not work out (and after this it is difficult to be friends). At the same time, know that after some time you may feel the desire to return everything. Don't give in to him.
And now, when you said goodbye, the most important moment comes. Time to figure yourself out. If you had real feelings for her, then betrayal may be deep inside. And if you don’t solve the problem as quickly as possible, it will interfere with your life and build new relationships.
First, understand how you feel and how exactly the betrayal affected you. After this, you need to realize that you can continue to live and believe in people after this. And at the same time, figure out what is your fault in what happened, so that next time you don’t allow this to happen.
In what cases should you break off a relationship?
In some situations there is no right to forgiveness. Even if you are deeply in love with a girl and hope for a happy ending. It simply won't exist. You should break up immediately if the girl cheated:
- With your boyfriend's best friend. Double betrayal from the closest people - this is not forgiven. She knew perfectly well that she was depriving you of a friend, but she still succumbed to the impulse of feelings. Such a woman knows no boundaries, does not respect you and does not think about your feelings. In the future, he may strike an even more vile blow.
- With relatives - father or brother. By contacting your family, she has closed her way into your family. It is impossible to forget about such an act; it will not be possible to maintain normal relations between all parties to the conflict, so the wound will always bleed. In order not to torment yourself, just break up and experience the pain.
- With an ex-boyfriend. A similar situation often occurs in cases where the girl never stopped loving her ex. And you were just a temporary replacement. They parted against her will, and at the first call she will easily switch to another. If you don’t want to be a temporary shelter and number two, break up and find mutual love.
- Doesn't repent. Denies, even when you present irrefutable evidence. Makes fun of you. Compares with another man. He defiantly goes to meet his lover. Gets annoyed, rolls his eyes at your accusations, and says something like “when will you forget about this.” She doesn't respect or value you. At any moment, this relationship will end, and you will spend even more time suffering. Don’t be afraid to break up - it’s better to break up now on your initiative, and quickly come to your senses. And later you will find someone who will truly appreciate you.
- He tells his friends about his affair. Such behavior says only one thing - she does not respect you and does not think about your reputation. The girl, the future wife, must support you and defend your honor. And she does completely opposite things.
Don't cling to relationships that don't exist. It seems to you that you cannot live without her, but this is a wrong feeling. The main thing is to survive the first month, find some outlet to immerse yourself in, and then it will become easier. You will at least have a chance to find a girl who will respect and appreciate you. You deserve mutual love!
Only you can decide what to do if suddenly your girlfriend cheated on you. But you only need to listen to yourself and your desires. Neither public opinion, nor her tears and pleas, nor pragmatic thoughts should stand in the way of your happiness. This situation will become a thing of the past, and you will have to live with the decision - either suffer from jealousy next to the cheater, or miss the best girl in your life. It’s best to take a break and think for a couple of days so that emotions subside and the decision is balanced.
