Relationship psychology: what to do if a girl doesn’t reciprocate?

The magical feeling of falling in love inspires, gives you the desire to live and create, pushes you to do crazy things and makes the world around you and yourself better.

But all these wonderful metamorphoses are possible only under one condition - if your feelings are mutual. But, unfortunately, this does not always happen. And if this is just your case, then our article will help you understand what to do if the girl you like is in no hurry to reciprocate your sympathy.

First reaction

It’s a familiar picture, isn’t it: he escorts her home or meets her at the entrance with flowers; invites you to a movie or a concert; invites you to sit in a cafe, wander through a quiet autumn park? He tries as best he can, but... And then the question arises: “What to do if the girl does not reciprocate?”

The very first thing a person experiences at such moments is resentment. Guys are no less vulnerable and mentally vulnerable than representatives of the fairer sex. And they worry just as deeply and strongly. Anyone who thinks that this is a manifestation of mental weakness is deeply mistaken. Feeling upset and sad about failure is a natural human reaction. But a young man definitely shouldn’t fall into panic and depression. What should I do? What to do if a girl doesn't reciprocate? We will talk about this in more detail now.

Reasons for a girl's lack of reciprocity

It is possible that the young lady who refuses you a relationship has certain circumstances that you, in a fit of passion, cannot accept:

She already has a boyfriend whom she loves madly. If this is so, then maybe you shouldn’t meddle in their relationship with your feelings? Or just wait a while and watch how their relationship develops. In any case, as long as she is in love, nothing will happen to you. But if the guy doesn't treat her very well and they have regular quarrels and disagreements, then you have every chance of success. Especially if you demonstrate an attitude that is qualitatively opposite to his negative actions. As soon as she feels resentment and loneliness, you will be there in time.
If a girl says she doesn't want a relationship at the moment, that's probably not the case for now. She may have other important things as a priority, for example, studies, exams, family problems. Or she has not yet moved on from her previous relationship and does not want to enter into a new one. At the same time, you are not averse to unwinding and flirting a little. But this state did not settle in her forever. And with the right amount of patience, you can wait until it opens up to you.
It is likely that you went too far in your efforts, and this is far from attractive to the weaker sex. After all, girls are drawn to something inaccessible and mysterious. And you took it and laid out all of yourself on a silver platter and at the same time all your offers of dates, surprises, etc. Endless calls, messages, exploits for her sake, in which you overdid it in a short period of time. And then there is nothing to surprise. And for her you are no longer a mystery, but just an errand boy who wants to receive at least a minute of attention from his mistress. That's exactly what she can think. But the majority of girls prefer brutal, self-confident, independent guys. And no one forbade the use of such boys in love, ready to do anything for the sake of the lady of their heart, because it was so convenient.
You like a girl, but she does not reciprocate, but considers you just her friend, with whom it is comfortable to spend time, convenient to have conversations on various topics, and nothing more. She simply may not be attracted to you as a man. There are two ways out: either reconcile, or change completely, in accordance with her preferences.
According to the young lady’s concepts, you are not suitable for her according to the horoscope or lunar calendar. Yes, yes, girls can have such oddities in their brains, and there is little that can convince her as long as she is adamantly faithful to the stars.
The chosen one may have inflated demands, into which your characteristics simply do not fit. Sorry, that's how women are. They are focused on the future and are unconsciously looking for a partner for life, who is also suitable for the role of the father of their children. For example, it should be a tall, muscular, brown-eyed brunette with high material income. And you, with your stocky blue-eyed blond and lack of a well-paid job, don’t fit into her ideal. Therefore, again, either resign yourself and rely on the role of her friend as a last resort, or try to change in order to outwardly resemble as much as possible the image that is so attractive to her, or do something so grandiose for her that her worldview will turn at least 180 degrees.
The beauty plays the role of an inaccessible girl in order to “increase her worth.” And thus get the maximum benefit from your courtship. After all, everyone knows that after a man wooes a woman and she becomes his permanent partner, the candy-bouquet relationship ends and gives way to everyday life. Guys are active precisely at the moment of conquering a girl.
Different social classes, paradoxically, can still be a reason for rejecting a fan. Although this is not the age of Romeo and Juliet, a certain hostility between minds and statuses is still present. Let's say she comes from a very prosperous family of a military general, where everything is planned out not only for the week, but also for a hundred years in advance. Here it is predetermined in advance who she should marry and where her children will go to school. Or it could be exactly the opposite: she is raised by a single mother, a seamstress by training, who is sure that it is written in their family to choose a man of the right caliber or to always be alone. And parents successfully put these thoughts into the sweet heads of their daughters.

Whatever the reasons for the girl’s lack of mutual sympathy, you should not lose hope for a happy future or, like in medieval times, grab her and imprison her in your “castle.” Remember that “you can’t be nice by force,” but don’t forget that “that’s not why mom raised such an eagle.”

To the very essence

So, the first thing to do when the first wave of experiences subsides is to soberly assess the situation. Try to determine the cause of indifference, find out whether it was a consequence of any actions and deeds of the guy himself or was it initial? What to do if a girl does not reciprocate because of the boy’s mistakes and miscalculations? Naturally, try to correct the situation, make amends. Maybe the girl needs to be given time so that she can cool down, rethink, reconsider her attitude towards the fan. And then everything will gradually improve on its own. In this case, the guy should ease the pressure, step aside a little, and then gradually begin courtship again. Another question is “what to do if a girl does not reciprocate at all, initially.” In this case, the situation may indeed turn out to be hopeless.

Unanswered feelings: reasons

Freud and his followers believed that the roots of the ability to fall unrequitedly in love lie in early childhood. It is there that the scheme is laid according to which the history of any person subsequently develops. A large number of people choose as their companions an object that constantly under-provides, refuses something. Their parents once treated them in a similar way. Over the years, this program has remained the main one.

Unrequited Love: 5 Ways to Move On

First, such a person looks for an indifferent person in society, and then unconsciously creates emotionally dependent relationships. The other half behaves like a cold mother. The lover is waiting for a miracle, that he will suddenly melt and understand. But this doesn't happen. To stop addiction, you need to work hard on yourself.

Many lovers see their ideal of beauty in the object of their desire. The law of attraction of opposite personalities often works. Psychologists warn about the dangers of love addiction like alcohol or drugs. A person in such a state brings himself to exhaustion. It is important to remember that value is not in the partner, but in the relationship. If they are not there, then you need to distance yourself from your opponent.

Psychological attitude: don’t get hung up on the problem!

Remember the proverb: “They knock out a wedge with a wedge”? So try to follow it. After all, there are a lot of cute cuties around. And probably many representatives of the opposite sex like the rejected admirer. Therefore, instead of racking your brains over the question “how to get reciprocity from a girl,” it is better to direct your energy in a different direction. True, there is no need to rush too much. Let unfortunate Romeo move away from his sad thoughts and brush his feathers. And carefully, unobtrusively, prudently (remembering the water and milk that is blown on) begins to establish new relationships. But just don’t do it to spite someone. Or to make a past passion jealous. There will be no sense from such a “wedge”. Everything should start from a new leaf.

What to do if a girl refuses

The most important thing in this situation is to behave “like a man.” It’s better to silently withdraw from a girl’s life, instead of insulting her, further intruding on her, demanding attention, causing scenes, and the like. The more worthy you behave when parting, the greater your chances of returning this girl in the future. However, even if you do not make such an attempt, a positive impression of you will remain in her memory. You can also try to maintain neutral-friendly relations, and time will put everything in its place.

"Learn to control yourself..."

What you should never do if the girl does not reciprocate:

Avoid public scenes of jealousy. While hysterics are somehow forgivable for girls, they are completely out of the question for guys. Subtlety of mental organization and female nervousness are far from the same thing!

2. Deliberate contempt, indifference and ignorance are also undesirable. They reveal the guy’s vulnerability and emphasize that the past holds him in its hands. Alas, here the guys themselves, and even more so the “ex” and her entourage, can laugh at him to their heart’s content. And who needs it? Just try to cross paths with a capricious young lady less often, and if a meeting does occur, behave with dignity, restraint, but naturally. And in general - read the classics, it says everything!

How not to behave

guy in love

Don't make the following mistakes if your date doesn't reciprocate:

Control yourself and do not publicly show fits of jealousy. Women's tantrums are easier than men's. Seeing this behavior, the girl will completely stop taking the fan seriously.
Do not respond to her with contempt, indifference, or ignorance. Such behavior will only reveal the vulnerability of the young man, his dependence on the past, which will catch the eye of the girl herself and her environment. As a result, everyone will know about his suffering.

Instead, try to cross paths with the young lady less often.
If you see her, behave naturally, but with restraint. If you previously stopped communicating with your previous girlfriend, but remained on good terms, this will provide a useful experience. When a new companion appears, the guy will no longer make the same mistakes.

Modern ways to make peace with a girl after a quarrel

“The less we love a woman...”

Yes, still the same great Pushkin! He was an excellent ladies' man; he read a woman's heart like an open book. What does the classic advise? Has the girl stopped reciprocating? Pay attention to this phrase - the key word here is “stopped.” This is a signal that should not be ignored. Try to talk to the lady of your heart, find out why she is dissatisfied. And, if possible, discuss controversial points, so

so that they no longer become stumbling points. Another positive point of the conversation is that if the old relationship is not renewed, when a new one is formed, the guy will not step on the rake again. A “retired boyfriend” can also play on a girl’s pride and jealousy. But only if he has a good understanding of the character of his beloved finicky, values her very much and wants to regain her favor. To do this, you should calculate the steps like an experienced chess player and play the games.

How to get her attention2

Thoroughly analyze the situation and try to find mistakes in your behavior. You may even have to radically change your tactics. Did you, like a shadow on a clear day, tirelessly follow the girl every now and then reminding her of your existence? Then it may well make sense to give her a little break from your close attention. Or, frankly speaking, was he stingy with gifts and tender words? This means it’s time to try to express your feelings more clearly and give cute gifts, backing up your words with actions.
Deceptive maneuver. The secret to winning the hearts of unapproachable girls was once revealed by the great Russian poet. So why don’t you try to take Alexander Sergeevich’s advice and demonstrate some coldness towards your chosen one. Especially if she has long been accustomed to increased attention from you and does not even admit the thought that it could be somehow different.

Become her reflection. Despite the popular belief that opposites are incredibly attracted to each other, people who have a lot in common still find common ground much faster. Find out about her hobbies, ask mutual friends about the girl’s preferences, the places she most likes to visit, her favorite books and films. This will immediately “kill two birds with one stone.” Firstly, you can get to know her even better, and secondly, interest her.
Forget about hints. Blushing and remaining silent during another chance meeting is definitely not your option. It will be much more effective to indicate to the girl your serious intentions. Otherwise, you risk suffering from unrequited feelings for years, without realizing the true reason for your failure. If the fear is unbearably strong, you can attract allies. Your mutual friends, if any, can eloquently hint to her about your feelings for the girl.

Start changing. First of all – for yourself! Take up some new interesting hobby, join a gym, start learning languages, or simply change your clothing style. In any case, the changes will only be beneficial. You will become much more confident in yourself, and this will be noticeable to the people around you. And among them, of course, is the one for whose sake everything was started.

We're just friends"?

Another option is when a conflict arises on personal grounds between a guy and a girl - when a young lady sees in her gentleman a purely knight, a friend, almost a being of the same sex. She often consults with such a young man, talks about problems, and shares her experiences. Maybe even cry on his chest or kiss him on the cheek, saying goodbye. But hugs, kisses and other caresses, alas, are not included in her plans. What to do? Make it clear: yes, you are ready to become her confessor and adviser. However, we do not intend to limit ourselves purely to this role and only agree to more.

Ways to distance yourself from love without reciprocity

We must strive to create strong relationships. You should get rid of unrequited love. Here are the stages of addiction recovery:

recognition and acceptance of what happened;
acceptance of factors that prevented the creation of beautiful relationships;
distance from the object of adoration;
doing what you love (fitness room, swimming pool, dancing);
getting closer to like-minded people;
give up hopes, do not harbor anger.

Love changes over time or still weakens

When a lot of pain has accumulated in your soul, you should get rid of it. A psychologist will be your best assistant. Failing is also a part of life. If something goes unexpectedly, this is not a reason to hate yourself for your shortcomings. You need to believe that everything will work out for the best. The object of unhappy love is not obliged to sacrifice himself for the sake of someone else's peace of mind. No one wants to throw in their lot with someone for whom they have no sympathy, just for the sake of pity. It is worth thanking the Universe for the life lesson, smiling, raising your head and moving on along the path of life.

The main thing is not to become limp, but to be confident. A little philosophy in life won't hurt. The motto should be an expression that instills hope and faith in the best. The inscription on King Solomon’s ring was engraved: “Everything passes, this too will pass.” It is worth taking advantage of the experience of a perspicacious sage.

Take action

Inaction is the enemy of any man. Women always wait for initiative from the chosen one, so you should not miss the chance.

The problem must be solved taking into account the situation:

Resentment. The young man needs to apologize to his beloved and admit his mistake. The process will speed up thanks to gifts and signs of attention. For example, you can send her a message or give her a teddy bear. Many guys don’t know what to write to their girlfriend if she doesn’t want to communicate for a long time. Experts recommend sending a message with warm words and apologies.
Hormones. During menstruation, women experience mental and physical exhaustion. The girl needs to be given time to come to her senses, and not sort things out.
The feelings are gone. If she is really dear, you should try to talk to her. This will help you understand your feelings and understand the reason for ignoring them.
Selfishness. In such a situation, you cannot humiliate yourself in front of her. She must learn to respect her partner and take him seriously. An arrogant woman needs to be shown that she cannot behave this way.

When it was not possible to guess the reason for the ignore, you need to find out the reason from her. The guy must understand that the girl will not immediately make contact and point out mistakes, so he should wait patiently for an answer and not rush her.

How to get love back: advice from a psychologist

As a rule, the reason for the cooling of marital feelings is the loss of attraction by one or both spouses, or the loss of trust. A change of environment and the usual course of events helps restore attraction. When it seems that you no longer love your spouse, psychologists advise:

Change the scenery for a while. Go to the sea, on a cruise, to a sanatorium.
Live separately temporarily, strong feelings will strengthen, and weak ones will fade away.
Try to show care for each other in small ways. Pour coffee, help with deeds, advice, give a hand, intercept the burden.
Learn to be sincere.
Demonstrate sensitivity, be ready to be there in difficult times, lend a shoulder, hand over a pack of paper napkins.
Find an activity that will help you distract from bad thoughts.
Start a tradition of spending time together.

Regaining trust can be much more difficult. Sometimes ordinary courtship is not enough for this and it is better to seek help from a specialist.

Why doesn't a wife love her husband?

Depending on the character, temperament of the woman, her physical health and general vitality, the reasons that the wife has cooled may be different. Feelings for your spouse have disappeared if:

the wife became interested in another man,
lost the habit after a long separation,
a child has appeared and all his strength goes into him,
quarrels, conflicts are frequent, there is no desire to meet each other halfway,
relatives or friends intervene,
tired of everyday problems,
Life priorities have changed.

There are other reasons for cooling, but the above are the most common.

Doesn't love me because I got carried away

When a woman has a lover, she may refuse intimacy to her husband. You can identify an unfaithful woman by observing her behavior in the presence of other men. If a wife likes to flirt in the presence of her husband, then it is very likely that she is unfaithful. A woman with a strong type of sexual constitution needs constant male attention; even the temporary absence of a man can lead to adultery.

I didn’t fall out of love, I just lost the habit

If the work of both or one spouse involves long business trips, then there is always a chance that the spouse will lose the habit, begin to feel shy or awkward. Working on a shift basis can greatly complicate a couple's relationship, because it is difficult to love someone who is not around. It is better to choose a job for which you can leave together.

The child takes all his strength

When a couple has a baby, it is better to take care of him together. A cheerful, well-rested husband will never understand the fatigue and anxiety of a young mother. He may feel that he is not loved and is being deliberately ignored. In addition, when the husband becomes involved in caring for the baby, he becomes more conscious of his role as a father, and the wife gets a little respite and the opportunity to remember that she is not just a mother, but also a woman.

Cooled down due to quarrels and misunderstandings

It is difficult for an upset and offended woman to completely relax and open up to her partner. In couples where the husband does not understand this, mutual hostility can grow in the relationship, gradually nullifying women's feelings. Therefore, it is better to get into the habit of discussing all your negative emotions and looking for a solution together.

Relatives or acquaintances influenced the attitude towards your husband

Every day, every day, a woman can hear unflattering comments about her husband from relatives or colleagues. If most of her friends have formed a negative opinion about her husband, then her feelings for him are gradually cooling. Women are naturally more suggestible than men, but protecting her from relatives and colleagues will not be the best solution. To understand her feelings, they need to be discussed.

She's tired of everyday problems

In the end, a wife may simply get tired of the everyday troubles falling on her female shoulders and feel tired, sick, and exhausted. In such cases, she may not even have the strength to ask for help, and her husband perceives this state as a lack of feelings. If you periodically take on her responsibilities, letting her sleep, soak in the bath, and take care of herself, then after resting she will remember that she is a woman and has a husband.

Changing priorities

Sometimes being tired ends with a change in priorities. That is, tired of trying to provide a decent existence for herself and her family, a woman can put material security first. As a result, marriage with an insolvent man is completely devalued by her, and she begins to look for a wealthy one.

Ways to influence a woman

To correct the situation as quickly as possible, guys should know what exactly they need to tell a girl if she doesn’t want to communicate, and how to behave with her. In this case, psychologists recommend using proven methods that will help you get your lover back.

READ How to make peace with a girl: advice from psychologists

Through friends

Silence and women are incompatible things. You can use this. If your chosen one refuses to communicate, you should talk to her friend. At the time of conversation, you need to talk about your feelings for your beloved and experiences. Here you need to be careful so that your friend does not guess the plan. In the end, she will explain why the girl no longer wants to communicate with you.

It is also recommended to focus on the seriousness of your intentions. With this gesture, the guy will make it clear that he can change for the sake of his beloved. To fully gain your friend’s trust, you can give her a compliment or thank her for the meeting. As a result, she will have a positive impression of the guy, and she will convey the essence of the conversation to her chosen one.

Risk

You need to stop seeking the favor of your beloved for a while and think about self-development. For example, you can play sports, find a new hobby, or get a well-paid job. Noticing these changes, the woman herself will take the initiative and begin communication. Deep down, she will regret what happened and be afraid of losing the young man.

But this method may not work. Women have different views, so their reactions cannot be predicted. Don’t be discouraged and upset if you couldn’t get it back.

Insidious way

This option is considered the most dangerous for relationships. To attract the attention of your beloved, you need to woo another woman. This could be a friend or acquaintance of the chosen one. It is best to choose a spectacular contender, of whom anyone will be jealous. Seeing a guy with someone else, a woman will want to get rid of her competitor.

As a result, they will become enemies, and the man will get his way. At the same time, the beloved will look at the young man differently. In her eyes, he will look more attractive, since other young ladies are interested in him.

Demonstration of changes

Having achieved its location, you need to show the changes. But you shouldn't talk about it directly. A woman must independently notice changes in her manner of speech, train of thought and appearance. During the conversation, you need to mention the work done. If she shows signs of attention, then there is a chance for a reunion. The main thing is to come to a compromise and forget old grievances.

Romantic actions and gifts

Many men try to improve relationships with romantic actions and gifts. For example, it could be a bouquet of your favorite flowers, a serenade under the window, or poetry. The list can go on forever.

Such actions always help to achieve a girl. At the same time, the young man will understand the real intentions of his beloved. To do this, you need to use gifts as bait. If the chosen one arrogantly accepts the gift, doing a favor, you need to say goodbye to her immediately. Such relationships have no future, since she is only interested in money and attention. She ignores and gets offended just so she can get gifts for it.

Breaking up is a difficult stage for both partners, but a love crisis will help the young man assess the situation. This is a great chance to reconsider your relationship with your chosen one and understand what feelings you have for her. If a woman ignores, it is necessary to understand the reasons for her behavior. This will help in the future to avoid mistakes and possible breakdown of new relationships.

Now every man knows how to understand that the girl he loves really doesn’t want to communicate, and also what provokes a woman’s ignorance. To improve your relationship with your beloved, you need to listen to the advice of psychologists.