Fears of modern men. Why are they afraid to get married?

In psychiatry, a persistent irrational fear of marriage is called gamophobia. It is believed that the fear of getting married is primarily characteristic of the stronger sex. However, there are many women for whom the thought of formalizing a relationship causes real panic.

Possible reasons

A man may be frightened by financial difficulties that arise in marriage

1. A person is afraid that he will lose his health in marriage. This is again outside influence. Surely, the guy had a conversation with a man who complained about his life. He said that he was forced to work like hell to feed his wife and children. In addition, the risk of contracting childhood infectious diseases increases. What can we say about sleepless nights, which also negatively affect health. In fact, even bachelors are exposed to various diseases, and they have a lot of stress in their lives, in particular for the reason that there is no family.
2. Some guys are afraid of marriage because they are afraid of gaining extra pounds. Often such fear appears if there is a clear example before your eyes. The man had a normal figure before marriage, but after he got fat. After all, now his wife feeds him and makes sure he is well-fed. However, it is also necessary to take into account the fact that no one is stopping a married man from continuing to take care of his body, playing sports, and eating right. Not all men gain extra pounds; it all depends on the man himself and his aspirations.
3. Fear that after starting a family a man will have very little time for his life. In fact, everything depends on him and on the behavior of his wife. If there is a woman nearby who is able to inspire her husband, motivate him, and take care of his development, then the man will have enough free time to engage in self-improvement or devote himself to a hobby.
4. Fear of poverty. A man is afraid that with marriage he will begin to have financial difficulties, that money will flow into nowhere. He worries that he will not be able to manage his finances, that he will not be able to have fun as before, that he will have to save every penny. In this situation, it is necessary to take into account the fact that a man connects his life with a woman who also earns and has some income. We must not forget that girls are able to plan a budget and calculate financial expenses. And no one forces you to give up the joys of life. It’s just that now you can have fun with your wife.
5. Fear of children. The man is frightened by the possibility of the imminent birth of a child and the responsibility placed on him. Regarding this issue, it is necessary to understand that a person was created to leave offspring, and although it will be difficult at the beginning, in old age there will be support nearby. And what can we say about a child’s first smile, about happy moments next to him?
6. Fear of holidays. A man does not want to tie the knot because he does not want to become surrounded by relatives, and therefore, the need to find and buy gifts for holidays and birthdays. Take it easy. There are more relatives, which means you will now have more gifts for your name day.
7. A man is afraid that his wife will quickly lose her attractiveness. It’s not for nothing that they say that after the wedding, a girl ends up with a magic ring on her hand, which allows her to stop taking care of herself, because she already has a husband nearby. Unfortunately, some girls really think this way and stop taking care of themselves. But today this situation is extremely rare and it is very unlikely that your beloved, who now has excellent shape, will begin to gain weight sharply after the wedding. The exception is cases of hormonal imbalance, sometimes this is a postpartum consequence. However, in this case, the girl who is currently working on her figure, takes care of herself, goes to the gym, will continue to do this after giving birth, which means she will get back into shape very quickly.
8. Fear of the responsibility that falls on a man's shoulders when he starts a family. Now he needs to think about how to feed himself and his wife, where to live, what to live on, how and where to go on vacation, how to earn more money. These questions are indeed serious, but as we grow older, all people bear some degree of responsibility on their shoulders. If you are so scared, then you can agree in advance with your beloved about the division of responsibilities. In addition, if there is a girl nearby who can always support, it will be much easier for a man to cope with all difficulties.
9. Fear that a woman will begin to encroach on personal space and begin to control every step. A man may be frightened by the fact that he will be prohibited from communicating with friends, he will be forced to sit at home under the supervision of his wife. In fact, this is not the case in every family. It all depends on which woman is nearby. In addition, you can also talk about this before the wedding, ask your girlfriend how she would feel if her husband continued to communicate with friends after registering the marriage.
10. Having negative parental experiences. Often the reason for the fear of getting married is that the guy had a negative experience in the past: before his eyes, his parents quarreled, argued, and eventually divorced. He doesn't want to go through this. The same applies to the situation with a divorced man who already has an understanding of what can await him in marriage (here we are talking about an unhappy relationship, largely due to the woman’s fault).
11. Fear that the current girl is not the one with whom I would like to live my whole life. In this case, if the guy is tormented by doubts, then it is unacceptable to rush. It’s better to let some time pass, which will allow you to test your feelings for strength. In addition, you need to imagine what life would be like if there were no girl nearby with whom you are currently in a serious relationship, whether you would be happy or not.
12. The guy is afraid that with entering into a legal marriage there will be much less intimate relationships in his life, because the wife may refuse, for example, when she has a “headache.” In addition, obligations will appear that will not allow you to change your partner, which means that your sex life will cease to be varied. There is an opinion that bachelors get more sex, in fact, married men have an advantage.

Fear of marriage

Experts consider fear of marriage to be an anxiety disorder and call it gamophobia. The phobia is more characteristic of men, similar to the “runaway bride” syndrome - only some girls experience gametophobia. The problem is explained by the fact that the stronger sex considers a woman a “hunter” who strives to get married by hook or by crook, and therefore has a very negative attitude towards this. Fear of marriage manifests itself most often in men over 30 years of age. They diligently declare to others that they are an inveterate bachelor, emphasizing their reluctance to get married.

Advice for a man

1. It is important to recognize that there is a problem. A man himself must want to change the current situation.
2. If you are familiar with the phrase “I’m afraid to get married,” but you know that there is a beloved woman nearby, for whom the official registration of the relationship is very important, then you need to tell her about your phobia. This will avoid resentment and misunderstanding on the part of the girl. In addition, she will see how deeply devoted you are to her and how much you love her. Also, with this action you can demonstrate your determination in the fight against uncontrollable feelings.
3. Rest more often, spend more time with your loved one. If you have any doubts about an important life decision, it is advisable to discuss them with your partner. If you are able to identify the pros and cons of marriage, you will be able to look at it differently and make sure that there are much more positive aspects than negative ones.
4. If you realize that you will not be able to cope on your own, then you need to consult a psychotherapist. The specialist will be able to select an individual program, taking into account the reasons causing the phobia.

Recommendations for girls

Probably all young ladies dream of a wedding, of wearing a white dress and veil. When a girl gets into a serious relationship, her beloved man is nearby, with whom she wants to live her whole life, then she begins to wait for him to offer her his hand and heart. If a guy does not live up to his partner’s expectations, the young lady experiences a storm of emotions and misunderstandings. The girl may not understand that everything is to blame for the presence of a strong fear of marriage. Let's look at what to do in such a situation, and how not to behave.

1. Don't put pressure on your partner, maybe he's just not mature yet.
2. It is unacceptable to be intrusive and try to vigorously sort out your relationship. A man can simply run away from such pressure.
3. Keep in mind that a guy must win his partner himself; there is no need to become the initiator and propose to him.
4. If the girls are completely impatient with marriage, and the man doesn’t even mention marriage, you can try to talk to him frankly. Tell him about your experiences, needs, how much you dream of marriage. Let the guy share his experiences with you.
5. It is unacceptable to try with all your might to get pregnant in order to tie a man to you and force him to marry you. This can lead either to the fact that you will be left alone with the baby, or to the fact that he will still get married, but will not be happy, and the marriage will still break up.
6. If a man said that he is afraid to get married due to financial insolvency, then the girl should understand him. Such a desire indicates that there is a reasonable gentleman nearby who is serious about his partner, because he is worried about his future well-being. However, in a situation where a girl does not want to wait long for a man to accumulate the necessary capital, she can convince her partner that together they will cope with everything and will be able to earn money. For example, you can offer to save money together for a wedding.
7. If a young man is in no hurry to get married, but offers to live together without official registration, supposedly in order to get used to it and test his feelings for strength under the pressure of everyday problems, then you need to take a closer look at him. A woman must understand what motivates her partner, whether after this experiment he really wants to marry her or is this just a way not to lose her beloved, but at the same time not to get a stamp in her passport. The girl must understand the risks in this situation. A man can live for his own pleasure, because there will be a woman nearby who will look after him, cook, wash, clean, sleep in the same bed, and one day the moment may come when the guy decides that it’s time to look for a new partner. Civil marriage, in fact, is not so bad if it is not delayed. It is important to make it clear to the man that you will agree to such a relationship only as a temporary one. Otherwise, you can find someone more determined than him.
8. If the reluctance to marry is dictated not by the guy himself, but by his parents, especially his mother, then the girl should think carefully about whether she needs such a man. After all, it is important that the future husband is able to make decisions himself and be able to defend his point of view. If he is weak in character or completely dependent on his parents, then even after marriage he will listen more to them and not to his wife. Do you need a mama's boy? And a marriage that was created in defiance of the parents promises bad relations with the father-in-law and mother-in-law, because they may simply hate the daughter-in-law.
9. If a guy is very frightened by the need to shoulder responsibility, then the girl must show that she can take on everything on herself. But you need to be prepared for the fact that in marriage you will have to solve all the problems in the family, and there will be no opportunity to lean on a man’s shoulder.
10. If a man does not propose because he is not sure of the correctness of his choice and is constantly thinking about whether you are his betrothed, then it is better to part with such a person, because it will be even worse if he nevertheless meets his only one, but already after my wedding with you.
11. If you intend to connect your life with a divorced person, then you need to understand that he already has some experience, it is possible that it is negative, and there is a fear of repeating mistakes. In such a situation, it is important not to put pressure on the man and not to rush into the wedding. Let time pass, he will forget his ex-wife, and he will be able to understand that in your case everything may be different. Try not to remind him of your ex-wife, behave delicately.
12. If you see that a person loves you very much, looks after you, takes care of you, shows his tenderness, gives gifts, but has not yet proposed, most likely he is simply afraid of your negative response. In such a situation, it is important to show with all your behavior that you dream of connecting your life with him; sometimes it would be useful to talk about this directly or say that you would be happy if a man like him became your husband.
13. If a guy is in no hurry to get married because he is afraid that after this your relationship will deteriorate, feelings will begin to fade, everything will be eaten up by everyday life, then it is necessary to give him examples from real life in which, even after the formalization of the relationship, a man and a woman continue to love each other very much friend, care and support.

Now you know, if a man is afraid to get married, what to do in such a situation. As you can see, there may be several reasons for what is happening. Remember that you don’t need to put pressure on your gentleman, it’s better to try to understand him, guess where his fear lies, and help him overcome this fear. A man must understand that if he wants to be happy and not lose his beloved, he must overcome this phobia within himself.

Symptoms

Even the mention of someone else's wedding can trigger a panic attack. It lasts from several minutes to several hours. Depends on the state of the phobia and at what stage of its disorder.

For example, exhausted by insomnia and constant anxiety, he will have few resources to calm down and return to normal in a short period of time.

So, at such a moment his blood pressure rises, which can cause a headache, reddening of the face and neck.

The heartbeat increases, even to the point of pain in the chest area. This causes even greater fear, as thoughts of a heart attack and imminent death appear.

In addition to the heartbeat, breathing also increases, which leads to hyperventilation of the lungs. And due to an excess of oxygen in the blood, you feel dizzy and even lose consciousness.

The phobe is afraid that he will suffocate, which causes the body to release even more adrenaline and, accordingly, all the symptoms only intensify.

My hands, legs and voice are still shaking. Consciousness narrows and only one thought pulsates in the head: “to be saved.”

This is why a person is often injured because he is trying to escape, but because of panic, perception is distorted, and he simply does not notice the obstacles in front of him, and can commit a risky act. For example, jumping on a bus while it is moving, jumping over a fence, and so on.

Sometimes abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting and diarrhea are observed. Phobe sweats profusely, despite the weather. That is, it will be frosty outside, but he will still feel sweaty and hot.

I feel thirsty because the dryness in my mouth prevents me from moving my tongue. And also to the toilet. In this way, the body gets rid of excess fluid to make it easier to escape; the brain has received a signal of danger, which means it needs to reach shelter, where peace will come.