Polygamy is what it is, what does a polygamous man mean, a person, polygamous relationships and family, marriage

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The idea about the permissibility of a second wife in the family came to one of my friends during maternity leave. A full day of troubles with the child, in the kitchen and with housework did not leave the slightest hope that 8 working hours in the office could still be squeezed into this mess. What then will be left for the family and yourself? It would be much more convenient with : while one earns money, the second realizes herself as a mother and cooks borscht. Then they change places. And now the second one entertains the children and takes care of the house, and the first one satisfies her ambitions and builds a career. Of course, no one in their family took a second wife, and the money issue was resolved with the help of remote work. But her husband said that he would definitely tell his employees about her thoughts. So, to brag about how wise his wife is and how she understands the psychology of men. But only men?

Monogamous marriage - does it last happily ever after?

What is polygamy

Polygamy is a form of family relationships, which is characterized by the presence of several official love partners for one person. To put it simply, this is polygamy or (less commonly) polyandry. Polygamy involves one person having multiple partners of the opposite sex.

A distinctive feature of polygamous relationships is that they are officially registered. This means that having multiple intimate relationships with multiple partners is not polygamy. Also, polygamy cannot be equated to a succession of marriages and divorces with different partners.

Loneliness, or sologamy

Loneliness gets a bad rap and many consider it their number one fear. However, suffering from loneliness and being alone are not the same thing. You can feel unnecessary and not feel a connection with another person in marriage or with a bunch of sexual partners. Whereas loneliness gives you a lot of freedom for self-development, allowing you to do exactly what you want.

In this case, your personal space, material resources and time belong only to you.

Remember, the main character of the film “Girls” said: “I decided not to get married at all. One is calmer. I want to eat halva, I want gingerbread.” Considering how often domestic disagreements become a problem, this does not sound so naive.

If you feel good alone, the only thing that can prevent you from enjoying this state is public opinion. However, sociologists are increasingly noting Bella Depaulo. Singled out that loneliness today is no longer treated with prejudice. Even such a phenomenon as “married myself” appeared, as sologamy - marriage with oneself. If you don't get a stamp in your passport, you can have a party and take vows, as thousands of people around the world have already done Why growing numbers are saying 'yes' to themselves.

However, it is not at all necessary to organize such public speeches. To become a conscious loner, it is enough to simply abandon the mindset of searching and building new relationships. At least until you change your mind (this may never happen, but so what?).

Loneliness does not necessarily equal asexuality. People who choose it can go on dates and have sex, they just do not strive to build relationships and create a family. If you are an ideological loner, it is better to honestly warn the people with whom you are planning something about this, so as not to hurt other people’s feelings.

History of polygamy

Polygamous families began to appear because people took their cues from animals:

dolphins show signs of attention to several females at once (in addition, they mate not only within their own species, but also with other amphibians);
during estrus, a female rabbit mates with several males;
the female antelope cannot be called picky in deciding the issue of procreation;
The marsupial mouse mates with several males at once.

Polygamy among people originated in Greece. In ancient times, polygamous marriages were concluded between people belonging to the upper class. In almost all countries of the world, polygamous marriages were not empty words; they were given important political and economic significance.

During the primitive communal system, many countries practiced male polygamy, since this form of love relationship made it possible to quickly increase the population in a particular city. According to community traditions, the head of the clan had the best qualities, so he was the first to begin impregnating women. It was believed that the strongest offspring would come from the head of the clan.

People's ideas about an ideal marriage were formed on the basis of cultural trends, philosophical views, and legal documents in force on the territory of the state. In ancient times, they were influenced by patriarchy and harsh living conditions.

In China and Polynesia, for many centuries there was a belief that polygamy of men (a man’s personal predisposition to multiple sexual contacts) is the only way to preserve their potency. The attention of several wives provided the man with spiritual comfort.

In Egypt and India, kings surrounded themselves with several women, but among the common people in these countries, polygamous families were very rare.

Additional information: Polygamy was replaced by monogamy when many countries came under the influence of Western European culture. The restructuring of the institution of marriage began with globalization in Rome.

Causes of polygamy

Psychologists believe that the reasons for polygamy are:

cultural traditions of a particular country;
religious views;
social foundations of society;
deficiency of maternal affection and love in childhood;
a man’s lack of emotional ties and trusting relationships with his mother;
the desire of men and women to satisfy their needs in full;
love;
temperament;
an attempt to assert oneself, solve psychological problems through intimate relationships with several partners;
pathological self-esteem (overestimated or underestimated);
a person’s reluctance to compromise, make a choice, make a decision;
the confidence of polygamous people that polygamy will help them maintain physical health;
the desire to survive and prolong the family line in war and post-war conditions;
wealth and wealth of a man;
a man’s desire to show his dominance and superiority.

Asya Rakhovich

Psychologist with more than 8 years of experience. Consultant on interpersonal and marital relationships, self-discovery.

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Polygamy - the “head of the family” has several wives or husbands, depending on gender. Practiced primarily in traditional cultures.
Polyamory is when more than two people are involved in a romantic or sexual relationship. Relations are equal, everyone is aware of this state of affairs and approves of it.
Open relationships - everyone in a couple can have sexual relations with someone else with the approval of the partner.
Friendship with benefits is the same as regular friendship. Only with sex.
Ideological loneliness, or sologamy , is a conscious refusal of romantic and sometimes sexual relationships.

The world did not converge like a wedge on monogamous marriage. But building a harmonious relationship even with one person is not so easy. So, when starting several of them at the same time, it is important to understand whether your resources are enough for this.

Are men polygamous and women monogamous?

If previously it was believed that every male is polygamous, today scientists have refuted this statement. There is a logical explanation for this. Polygamous relationships are usually divided into polyandry and polygamy. This is proven by the fact that not only a polygamous man can have several wives, but also a woman can build a family with several husbands.

A polygamous marriage is often created by a man, surrounding himself with the attention and care of several wives at once. But there are also examples of such a choice among women, which in sociology is called polyandry (polyandry). The same thing happens in animals: there are polygamous males, and there are females with the same preferences.

It cannot be said that by nature all men are polygamous and women are monogamous. This form of marriage as a polygamous family is chosen not only by men, but also by women.

Examples of male polygamy

The brightest territories where male polygamy was welcomed were Japan (1880), Nepal (1963) and China (1963). Male polygamy has also been recorded in several parts of the world:

Ancient Mesopotamia and Assyria. So, for example, Philip II of Macedon was the husband of 8 women, the Persian king Darius III had wives and several hundred concubines.
Ancient and modern Egypt. The Egyptians have long practiced polygamy. And in African countries where Islam is practiced today, polygamy is still not prohibited.
Ancient Greece. The most sexually liberated society was the ancient Greek one; here they had a normal attitude not only towards polygamy, but also towards non-traditional sexual relations.
Bible. Polygamy was known from the Book of Genesis, where it is recorded that Lamech had two wives. Polygamous men were also mentioned in the Old Testament, for example Solomon, David, Abraham, Jacob. David had 10 wives and the same number of concubines; his son Solomon had 700 wives in addition to concubines.
Hinduism. Brahmins had the opportunity to take 4 women as wives, and Shudras from a low social class had the opportunity to take 2 wives.
Islam. According to the Koran, a man can take no more than 4 wives, treating each one equally. The main goal is to protect people from poverty.
USA. In modern states, bigamy, when a man marries two women, as well as polygamy, when he has many wives, is prohibited. But until the 19th century, all this was welcomed and found everywhere. Mormon fundamentalists brought polygamy to these lands.

In modern society, polygamy for men has a different name and form - polyamory. We are talking about a monogamous marriage between two people, but the man has mistresses with the consent of his wife. A woman can have other partners, but also after an agreement with her husband.

Polygamy in men

Male polygamy is a man’s need to produce numerous offspring. Previously, this behavior ensured rapid population growth. And now, in the attraction to this form of marriage and family relations, psychologists see a man’s desire to prove to others his success. Behind this desire is an inferiority complex or the desire to compensate for the imperfections of one partner.

Polygamy of men

Some researchers consider the tendency towards polygamy to be a natural instinct of men, but what should prevail: the call of nature or the ability of a person to subordinate instincts to his will? In addition, modern polygamous males strive to satisfy their intimate needs with several women, rather than pursue the goal of numerous procreation.

Polygamous men say that each wife is unique, and together they give an amazing feeling of harmony. What one woman doesn’t have in her character, another woman has. The same applies to figure imperfections.

Which relationships are women more prone to and why?

Most people around the world prefer a monogamous form of relationships with the opposite sex. Psychology notes that women are more likely to have monogamous relationships, while men are more polygamous in character and temperament. There are several reasons why women are monogamous:

the need for a permanent sexual partner for procreation;
heredity, accumulated benefits are passed on to offspring, which is only appropriate in a family;
social requirements regarding a woman’s chastity;
a woman’s independence in matters of providing for a child;
the orientation of female nature towards qualitative rather than quantitative relationships.

Expert opinion

Elena Druzhnikova

Sexologist. Family relations expert. Family psychologist.

About 90% of women consciously make a choice in favor of monogamy, which is influenced by the culture of the nation, social principles and morals, the desire for stability and family development, the upbringing environment and social circle, and religious prejudices.

Polygamy in women

If there is a justification for polygamy, then polyandry has no such justification. A woman’s desire to acquire several husbands has always been condemned, so it is not customary to talk openly about polyandry.

Psychologists suggest that polyandry is caused by a girl’s desire to find a more promising man to reproduce good offspring. Experts see a connection with feminist views in a woman’s desire to have several husbands.

However, there are countries where polyandry is legal:

southern regions of India;
Tibet;
China;
Nepal;
South America;
certain areas of Africa.

Frateral polyandry in these countries is due to the difficult economic situation and the lack of possibility of equal division of material wealth between brothers. Therefore, parents choose a common wife for their sons. Children born in this union are common; all the woman’s husbands treat them with equal warmth.

Polyandry is explained by the desire of the family to preserve their lands, therefore this form of marriage and family relations is more characteristic of the privileged class. Among the aborigines, unions are more often concluded between one woman and one man, because they have no agricultural wealth, brothers have nothing to share.

Examples of female polygamy include the following situations:

If a woman is not officially married, her polyandry can be considered as an experimental search for the most successful option for marriage. In addition, it is not necessary that her goal is to find an ideal husband. She can explain her behavior by freedom and independence.
A mature lady whose children have already grown up, and her husband has stopped satisfying her in bed. In this case, she finds another partner who is much younger than her in order to improve her own women's health.
A young woman has several men who play different roles in her life. She needs one of them, because with him she feels real pleasure in bed, the other is the father of her children, the third is needed so that she will not be ashamed to go out into the world.

Polygamy in women

Psychological aspect3

From a psychological point of view, polygamy and monogamy are rooted in childhood. Explaining everything is quite simple.

As a child, the boy, as a rule, lacked maternal love and care. He strives to get them by any available means, but getting them is still not enough for him. I always want more and more. As one grows up, the need for maternal love and affection transforms into the need to receive these feelings from other women. And it is still impossible for a man to get the amount of love he needs from one woman.

Or the opposite situation. Since childhood, the boy has received so much love and attention from the women closest to him that now that he has matured, one woman cannot give him so much. Most likely, such boys were raised by their mother and grandmother, without a father. From childhood, the influence of the father is very, very important! Men, remember this!

However, sexologists say that polygamy is beneficial for men! In such men, self-confidence increases significantly, and offspring from different women makes it possible to ensure a “bigger mark” in history. Is self-confidence in this way justified?

And monogamy came directly from matriarchy. From early childhood, a girl sees that at seven her mother plays the dominant role. In the future, the daughters simply adopted the model of behavior they were familiar with. From a psychological point of view, monogamy gives a person a feeling of stability and security, because everything in the world is so unpredictable.

Types of polygamy

Polygamy is traditionally divided into the following types:

polygyny - polygamy (one man has several official wives);
polyandry - polyandry (one woman has several official husbands);
sorority marriage (a man marries his sisters);
Swedish family (a group marriage in which several men and women live together and have a common household, or several married couples exchange partners for sex)

Swedish family

The Pros of Monogamy

In monogamous families, the chance of raising a child with a healthy psyche increases;
It is easier for a man to provide for one family than for several women;
A woman, on a subconscious level, tries to choose only the best man for procreation and is not going to share him with anyone. Therefore, only their joint children will have his genes.

Polygamy in the modern world

This form of marriage and family relations as polygamy in the modern world accounts for 10% of all marriages. It is believed that a polygamous man is not capable of the fidelity with which monogamy is associated.

However, researchers of the institution of family and marriage put forward the hypothesis that monogamy has outlived its usefulness as a form of marital relations. If this is not so, then why in the modern world the number of divorces exceeds the number of marriages? In addition, betrayal is often a reason for divorce. A man is polygamous by nature, and female polygamy has its advantages. Maybe polygamy will solve the problem of adultery?

Sociologists today include simple cohabitation as this form of marriage relationship. Researchers are alarmed by the fact that more and more girls and young people prefer open relationships without obligations, refusing to tie the knot. Also an alarming bell is the fact that young people practice partner exchange: geneticists have proven that such behavior threatens a healthy gene pool, because such connections spoil male chromosomes.

In the modern world, polygamous relationships are prohibited in most countries. But this form of organization of family and life is preserved today in Muslim countries. For example:

in the UAE;
in Afghanistan;
in Saudi Arabia;
in Algeria;
in Brunei;
in Guinea;
in Egypt;
in Senegal;
in Tanzania;
in Pakistan;
in Nigeria;
in Syria;
in Myanmar.

In Australia and Oceania, polyandry is enshrined at the legislative level, which is explained by the matriarchy of these countries.

Regulatory documents regulating the creation of a family in different countries mostly promote monogamy. Polygamy is officially prohibited by almost all Eurasian countries, as well as Western states.

Psychologists are against polygamy. After all, a polygamous person does not experience a real emotional connection, which occurs only in a couple. A polygamous male is driven by natural instinct.

Friendship with benefits

A slightly clumsy translation of the expression friendship with benefits describes a situation that can also be described as “friendship sex.”

Such relationships simply do not contain a romantic component and do not imply creating a family. Such people do everything the same as ordinary friends, they just also have sex.

The expression “relationship without commitment” is also sometimes used, but it must be understood correctly. Actually, we have quite a lot of obligations to our friends: support them in difficult situations, trust them, be honest. Even if friendships have a sexual component, these things do not go away. However, friends-lovers do not have the same obligations that couples have, and the boundaries in friendship are usually stricter.

Such relationships are suitable for those who know how to separate sex and romantic feelings. However, they involve a certain risk: if one is more emotionally inclined than the other, there will be trouble.

Polygamy in Islam

The traditions and customs of Islam have been carefully passed down from generation to generation for many centuries. It is on them that the approval of polygamy is based. The Koran makes all the wives of one man equal to each other. Every Islamic man, upon reaching adulthood, decides for himself what type of marriage and family relationship is suitable for him.

If a man chooses polygamy, he must treat all his children and women who are part of his family equally. A polygamous male should spend the same amount of time with each wife.

Monogamous marriage is chosen by those men who do not feel strong enough to maintain a harem and share their love among all the concubines.

Cunning men who preach Islam, not being able to support several wives, nevertheless take them. They do this to force women to work. The polygamous males themselves live off their working ladies.

Open relationship

It is about a union between two people who remain a permanent couple, but at the same time allow the possibility of sexual relations with others.

Open relationships differ from polyamory in that in this case there is a main couple, who may not inform their other partners about all the details.

Another possible difference is attitudes regarding romantic feelings. As a rule, members of a couple do not consider it possible to fall in love with someone else, otherwise such a relationship will already become polyamorous.

Open relationships can be established initially, even at the stage when two people begin to meet and discuss things that are important to them. Someone, on the contrary, decides to switch to this format after many years of monogamous marriage. This gives such couples the opportunity to gain new sexual sensations without giving up their regular partner or family. At the same time, two people continue to maintain priority emotional attachment to each other.

Polygamy and domestic mentality

The desire of a man to acquire several wives, as well as the desire of a woman to have several husbands, is not supported by the domestic worldview. In Russia, polygamy is prohibited, since the principles of organizing life in such a family contradict the Family Code of the Russian Federation.

In Russia, upon learning that a partner is polygamous, the second spouse feels offended and deceived. This is why adultery is becoming the most common cause of divorce in modern Russia.

The polygamous type of marriage and family relations contradicts not only the domestic mentality, but also the Orthodox religion. Therefore, from childhood, parents try to develop in their children loyalty to one chosen one.

Russians tend to be monogamous

Pros and cons of polygamous relationships

The fact that polygamous relationships exist in the world means that they have both pros and cons.

enshrined at the legislative level, polygyny allows you to quickly increase the population in a particular country;

the need for love, attention, sex is fully satisfied without the use of moral violence;

Quarrels and showdowns in polygamous families are rare.

jealousy between numerous wives or husbands, which can push people to commit crimes;

lack of emotional intimacy;

the unfavorable financial situation of several wives;

decreased female self-esteem;

personal relationships between women and men are discussed with third parties;

the subtleties of the relationship between spouses are hidden from children, as a result of which children experience distrust of their parents.

Is it possible to change polygamous behavior to monogamous behavior?

Deciding for your partner with whom and how he should live is obviously a losing proposition; it will never lead to good results. Even if outwardly he agrees, internal resistance will lead to ever-increasing conflicts, quarrels and a complete breakdown in relations.

Situations arise when a person independently comes to the conclusion that he should abandon polygamy and continue his life with only one partner, remaining faithful to him. Most likely, he will be able to do this with some effort.

How to help your partner become monogamous:

Finally and irrevocably eliminate noisy showdowns, scenes of jealousy, reproaches, scandals, hysterics, tears.
You should absolutely not try to manipulate your partner with the help of children or blackmail them.
Create a trusting, cozy and calm atmosphere in the house, make it pleasant to return and stay there.
Build smooth, calm, trusting relationships based on mutual respect.
It is necessary not only to listen, but also to hear your partner, listen to his opinion and desires.
Always strives to understand a loved one and try to help him.
Constantly work on yourself, your appearance and behavior. Try to meet your partner's expectations.
Try to understand and share your partner’s hobbies, appreciate those things that he considers important.

The format of a relationship is the free choice of each person. Although there are many more supporters of traditional marriage, polygamy and monogamy have a right to exist.

The concept of “norm” in this case does not regulate the conditions of marriage. First of all, you need to focus on the needs, interests and preferences of everyone. Of course, provided that this does not lead to restrictions on the rights and freedoms of other members of the union and does not cause moral or physical harm.