First step
The first step is to let it go. No matter how much you want to force your spouse to spend time with you, it won't work.
Usually, when a woman forces a man to do something, he resists. Sometimes one of the couple just needs a little privacy, and this can be very difficult for women to understand.
Your husband will feel more respected and loved if you give him a little more freedom. Spending some time apart will not end the relationship. In fact, this alone may be enough for him to start genuinely missing you.
Here are some tips on how to deal with a husband who is at work all the time.
Possible reasons
Not receiving the proper and expected attention from a man, a woman looks for a problem in herself. After all, this is a clear sign of a lack of interest in your partner. Analyzing the situation, the girl wants to figure out what place she occupies in the young man’s life - a friend, a sexual partner, or a soulmate.
To understand your role in this union and decide what to do if the guy doesn’t have time for a relationship, you should study the possible reasons for the lack of attention.
There is another
The young man is interested, the girl is not indifferent, but considers the relationship as a backup option. He devotes most of his time to the other, so there is no desire or opportunity to pay attention to a side alliance.
Fear of a serious relationship
The young man does not want to let the girl get close, so as not to become emotionally attached. There are many reasons for this behavior: a recent painful breakup with a previous partner, stress after infidelity or betrayal, a possible imminent change of place of residence.
Lack of love and physical attraction
The girl is too scandalous or categorically opposed to the guy’s hobbies and bad habits. Prioritizing personal interests destroys the motivation to develop current relationships.
Sexual dissatisfaction
A man is not satisfied with intimacy with his partner or the lack of frequent sex. Over time, the desire to continue the connection disappears.
Difficult financial situation
Dating a girl costs money. Lack of home, car, and lack of money hit a man’s self-esteem. The partner wants to reduce the number of meetings to a minimum, and explains his behavior by being busy.
Workload
Perhaps the man really has a lot of urgent matters to attend to. For example, a young man has recently been promoted, new responsibilities have appeared, or preparations are underway for an important transaction.
The reasons for the lack of time for relationships can be both real and fictitious. The main thing is to analyze all the nuances and look at the situation, omitting unnecessary emotions.
Understand how important work is to him
A common misconception among wives is that their husband loves his job more than he loves you. While this may be true, the reality is that men by nature were designed for this. They have a calling - to provide for their family. You need to work to be realized. Any man is very proud that he achieves results in something, moves towards his goals and thus takes care of his family.
Work is an integral part of a man's life. Once you understand this, you will be able to accept what is happening more easily and not get angry. The less angry you are, the more your spouse wants to be home.
Busy man. If a friend is always short of time
A busy man or if a friend has an eternal lack of time. One of the things that many girls face at the beginning of a relationship is such a catastrophic lack of time for their partner (especially if he is pursuing a career or trying to make his way in business), due to which love dates happen extremely irregularly, do not last long, and there’s no need to even talk about establishing some kind of intimate relationship “on the run.” Let's talk about this problem.
Starting this conversation, I would like to immediately state the following:
If a man refers to a catastrophic lack of time and lack of opportunity to communicate normally for a month, this most likely means that he is deceiving you. Yes Yes exactly. He's deceiving, and that's all...
You can trust a man that he is really seriously busy only for a week - a maximum of the first two weeks of your love relationship. And why all? But because careful observation of life shows:
If a man really wants to communicate with a certain lady, he will quickly find time to meet with her no matter how busy he is (even unimaginable!).
Of course, if the lady is also ready to meet halfway and, through joint efforts, adjust her life schedules so that they are more or less compatible. Practice shows: those who sincerely want to be friends (and sex!) find the opportunity to communicate with each other during a session, and during illness, and when completing super-business projects, and when submitting an annual financial report, and during elections, and during exams at school and admission to universities, and during a state of emergency (curfew), and even in wartime conditions. Therefore, if your new acquaintance has been communicating with you for more than two weeks, but at the same time chronically refers to LACK OF TIME, do not believe him, but assume that in fact the matter was committed elsewhere. Most likely, one of the following five reasons is preventing him from dating you (and even starting to seduce you):
Three reasons that are usually hidden behind a man's reference
for a catastrophic lack of time
Reason #1. The man has lost his love-sexual motivation.
In a love relationship, the following situation is very stereotypical: a man meets a lady at the very moment when he really wants sex (and he immediately begins to predatorily search the entire surrounding area with his eyes). After two or three days, the peak of his erotic desires disappears (and he didn’t necessarily have sex, the desire could fade away by itself, it was simply blocked by other goals and activities), and in the end he continues to communicate with his new acquaintance, as if by inertia: The lady is very interesting, but this man has no special plans for a relationship or marriage, and therefore there is practically no need to spend time, effort and money on communication. As a result, such sluggish relationships, when a man seems to be friends, and does not seem to insist on anything, does not offer anything and strives to see each other in person no more than once every two weeks, can drag on for several months, or even a whole of the year. And, according to my estimates, slippage in the development of relationships due to a man’s loss of sexual motivation is the reason for the loss of about a third of all love relationships in the initial stage of their development.
It’s quite easy to check whether this option for the development of a love relationship is relevant to you or not: A man himself doesn’t know what he needs if he admires you on every date and says that he really likes you, he appreciates you and values you very much, but at the same time he constantly disrupts your dates (because before each date he painfully thinks: is it worth losing this evening as well and in the end lies to you about the emergence of urgent matters, the arrival of relatives and his sick mother...) and in As a result, you meet on average only once a week, four times a month. At the same time, ladies should absolutely not put themselves in his position and always forgive broken dates. The eternal busyness of a man supposedly in love almost always indicates not that he is incredibly busy and busy with business, but only that he is very sorry to waste his time on those relationships, the final meaning and content of which he does not fully understand.
If the situation with your new acquaintance is something like this, then you should either end such a relationship or fundamentally reverse the development of the situation in your favor. We will specifically discuss how to do this in the practical recommendations for this chapter.
Reason #2. A man wants sex, but does not want to be friends and get married .
Another very common reason for men’s lies about employment is that the man understands too well why he just met, and is aware that he needs sex, only sex and nothing but sex. And since all men know that the standard of female behavior after meeting a new man is necessarily a certain period of getting used to, during which various kinds of cultural outings in cinemas, cafes and other public places should be made, then many of them (among the men) really want avoid all this and simply save money.
The reasons for this evasiveness can be completely different:
- - a man doesn’t like the girl in appearance and therefore he doesn’t want to go out with her (but she’s quite suitable for sex!);
- - the man is married (or has an official girlfriend) and is very afraid that his new relationship will be discovered;
- - a man has a financial crisis (or he is generally greedy) and therefore he fundamentally wants to avoid unnecessary expenses for him.
With any of these options (and they are all more than real!) the man quite consciously decides to himself: “Since my new friend, just like all women in general, it is important to give some time so that she gets used to me, she began to consider me one of her own, and then she simply went for sex. So, we will do this: for a month or two we will communicate mainly by phone and via SMS (email, chat, etc.). It will be financially unprofitable for me, no one will see us together, there will be no need to waste time on all sorts of walks. That's right, that's what we'll do! And we’ll lie to her about my crazy busyness. At the same time, when we solemnly celebrate the month of our acquaintance, she will already be morally and psychologically processed accordingly, she will know that I am a very busy man, I don’t have time for all sorts of warm-up fuss, and therefore (due to the catastrophic lack of time) we will move on right away to sex..." In general, you understand:
The reference to a catastrophic lack of time for normal love communication often hides the fact that a man simply does not need it at all. He only needs sex and nothing more!
And in this sense
Daily conversations on the phone and communication via SMS are an excellent way to save men’s energy, time and money, creating the very illusion of interested communication, the presence of which greatly simplifies a woman’s decision about the possibility of sex with a new partner.
If the situation develops according to the scenario just described, the man tries to immediately impose on his girlfriend some of his own rules of the game, force her to greedily use any crumbs of live personal one-on-one communication that suddenly fell on her, makes himself the clear master of the situation, forces his girlfriend to so that she sexually imposes herself on him... (He seems to unobtrusively lead his lady to the thought: “Well, if you want something from me... then you, this... come on, somehow quickly make the appropriate signs to me!”) And if at the same time a man very talentedly portrays himself as a successful businessman or a promising careerist official, his success in this party, according to its own rules, is most often absolutely guaranteed: after all, women always like business and promising people so much... After all, the definition of “always busy” for women sounds something like “potentially successful.” And the “potentially successful” is none other than a rich husband or, at worst, a wealthy lover! So there was nothing wrong with the role of the always busy man. Surely, they know women’s psychology and women’s craving for male success very well!
Reason #3. A reference to a lack of time is a sign that your new acquaintance’s sex life is too intense without you.
Life daily proves the correctness of the following thesis:
The apparent non-sexuality of a man, outwardly justified by his incredible busyness, may in fact be a sign of his vigorous sexual activity... with completely different ladies.
And here the point is this: those men who especially love sex (and sex is always the sphere of their male self-affirmation), over the years not only turn into professional hunters of women, but in the literal sense of the word they absolutely cannot pass by interesting girls and women. They all get to know each other, get to know each other, and get to know them (fortunately, they have more than colossal experience in this matter), but since there are only twenty-four hours in a day, there are only seven days in a week, and some womanizers sometimes accumulate girlfriends (at the same time, of course). ten to twenty each, there is only one way out of this situation:
So that ladies are not offended by the fact that their turn to communicate (including intimate) with a Casanova man comes no more than two or three times a month, men have to reassure them with lies about their chronic employment, eternal business trips and even illnesses.
As a result, it can literally get ridiculous: supposedly tired from a hard day of work (but in fact from sex with other ladies), a man, at least for the sake of decency, simply meets in the evening with one of his many girlfriends (as the men themselves say - “purely for ticks") and evokes in her, on the one hand, sympathy from her “exhaustion from work,” and on the other, respect for the fact that “he is the only one who accepts me not only as a female, but also as a person, and can simply talk without any pestering,” and he just thinks to himself: “Well, at least she didn’t kiss me in the car and didn’t call me to her home after the cafe!” I must at least occasionally have sexually fasting days or at least evenings...”
References to their extreme degree of fatigue from work sound especially convincing from the lips of those for whom the leading type of activity is the sphere of sex.
And no matter how shocking it may sound to you, I have identified these approaches to life from surveys of a very large number of very real modern men... Well, what are you talking about! Of course, your friend is completely different!!! So you don’t have to worry: he’s actually busy... Well, now that you know the bitter truth (or maybe it’s not even that bitter at all and your man hasn’t yet managed to cheat on you at all... in the end, He simply doesn’t have time for this: he works so much!).
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Understand your role
Your husband loves you and wants to give you the fulfillment of all your desires. That new car you asked for, the house with a white fence that you dreamed of. Until he can fulfill all your dreams, he will feel like he is letting his family down. A man wants to be your knight in shining armor.
Understand that it is wives who often fuel their husband's commitment to overwork without even noticing it. Very often, it is YOU who motivates him to work with your desires.
You can't want everything at once
Often wives want their other half to work only 40 hours a week. Forty hours is the standard that unions try to uphold and defend, but the vast majority of people will not be able to achieve success in that amount of time. Those who move up the corporate ladder work harder. They understand that the main thing is the result, not the effort.
Career success is never just a 9-to-6 activity. It can be urgent matters just as your spouse is leaving the office to go home. And sometimes this means that even on Sunday or a day off, the husband is forced to be at work.
Emotional response is important
Do you know what is most unpleasant for a man? Coming home late for dinner or missing an event. Seriously. This can be so terrible for him that sometimes he will come even later than necessary, because he does not want to face an angry wife who is waiting for her husband from work.
Yes, the husband is aggravating the problem in order to delay the consequences of being disappointed and not wanting to look at his wife’s angry face. If the wife understands everything, then this relieves stress. When she gets angry, it increases her fear and makes her withdraw even more.
Psychology of a loving man
He listens to you carefully
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Often during a conversation, we exchange words while waiting for our turn to speak. But with the appearance of a special person, everything changes.
A person who truly loves you won't pretend to listen, but will actually listen to you.
. He will pay attention to the words you say and try to understand you. Moreover, he respects everything you say and remembers all the details.
If he really loves you, you will get his undivided attention because he is truly interested in knowing everything about you.
Never forces you to do anything you don't like
He will respect your decisions and won't force you to do anything you don't want to do if you're not ready for it.
If a man knows that it will offend you, he is unlikely to ever ask you for it, simply because he respects you and does not want it to upset you.
Interested in you
He will be concerned about your feelings and your opinion, how you look at the world, and what you think about this or that matter.
He will ask you about your dreams, goals, and be interested in what makes you act in a certain way. He will try to find out everything about you.
Gives you some freedom
One of the worst situations in a relationship occurs when one partner tries to take over the other's personal space.
Usually we do not like those who smother us with attention and do not allow us to develop as individuals. A person who truly loves you and cares about you will never invade your personal space.
Cares about you
We tend to take care of those we love. There are many ways to show you care.
Sometimes you just need to support your significant other when she wants to share her thoughts and feelings, or look after her when she is sick.
Tells his friends and family about you
Men are not as good at expressing their feelings, and if he is comfortable enough to talk about you to his friends and family, and they in turn mention that they know you, you can be sure that he truly loves you.
