Definition of selfishness
Unhealthy egoism is an inadequate perception of oneself, which provokes behavior aimed at acquiring one’s own benefit and placing personal interests above the interests of other people (one’s family and/or environment).
Psychologists associate the emergence of such a distorted perception of reality, first of all, with the manifestation of self-interest. If a person’s physical needs and material goods are in the foreground, then spiritual values lose their significance. And if a person behaves in accordance with these guidelines for a long time and regularly, he needs to reconsider and adjust his worldview.
What is egoism?
Selfishness, regardless of gender, is the desire to satisfy only one’s personal desires and needs, to put them above all else. On the one hand, such behavior is characteristic of every person from birth. After all, a baby cannot think about others; he cries and demands that his needs be fulfilled. This is fine. On the other hand, as the child grows up, everything changes.
Innate egoism takes on softer features. A little person learns to think not only about himself, he begins to care about others, take into account other people's interests and capabilities. Of course, if parents contribute to this. When mom and dad overly care for a grown-up child, running to fulfill any of his whims at the first request to the detriment of themselves, then he can grow up to be a complete individual farmer.
How does male egoism differ from female egoism?
As they say: selfish men want to live only for themselves, and women want men to live for them. In any case, selfish natures believe that the whole world revolves around them and everyone owes them. However, female and male egoism still manifests itself slightly differently in relationships. For example, a selfish guy is often despotic in character. He literally turns his wife into a servant. A selfish man will never help around the house or with the children. But you are always welcome to use a woman for personal gain.
Women's egoism in relationships with men in such extreme forms is rare. But men also suffer from female selfishness in the family. Single girls perceive their chosen one as a kind of addition to their unique personality. They believe that a man should fulfill all their whims at any cost, and ensure happiness for her alone. And a man, of course, doesn’t owe anyone anything. Do you agree or not? Write your opinion in the comments, I remind you that answers are anonymous.
Signs of a selfish personality. Test for selfishness in relationships
The main signs of a selfish personality will help you determine that unhealthy selfishness is poisoning your life and the lives of those around you.
- If you are obsessed with yourself (you are sure that you are special, you do not want to waste time and energy on others, when communicating you always draw attention to yourself, you do not listen to your interlocutor when he is not talking about you);
- if you are unreasonably self-confident (you believe in your own superiority over other people, you feel smarter, more talented, more beautiful than others, you are not interested in the opinions of others);
- if you do not accept even constructive criticism expressed in a correct form;
- if you cannot admit your lack of knowledge or error in behavior;
- if you exaggerate your achievements;
- if you speak in a commanding or instructive tone,
then it’s time for you to think about ways to change your principles and behavior.
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In a partnership, you can check yourself for excessive selfishness by asking yourself the following questions and answering them honestly.
- I can afford to raise my voice at my partner to let off steam, but he can’t.
- I ignore my partner when he is going through a difficult situation.
- My point of view is always correct.
- I don't want my partner to be friends with and/or socialize with anyone else.
- It is important for me to win any dispute/conflict.
If you answer “Yes” to most questions, it’s time to take steps to get rid of selfishness.
Origin of egoism
According to one version, selfishness is a quality that belongs to a foreign inorganic entity. More precisely, egoism is the essence of this essence. Myths say that they appeared on our planet millions of years ago. They came, driven by hunger and fear, realizing that there was definitely something to profit from here.
But the living conditions on the planet did not quite suit them. They cannot be on the surface, so they went inside the Earth, deep inside.
But constant hunger and fear of death forced them to find a way to be able to constantly access the energy they eat.
This energy—power—is generated by a person through his experiences and emotions. These creatures feed only on the radiation of negative feelings.
No matter how much they eat, it is never enough for them. They are always hungry because hunger and fear are part of their essence. In order to constantly receive energy, they decided to make a person spend most of his life in worries and negative emotions.
They infected a person with themselves, added a mutation to the human gene - a virus of selfishness, which is passed on from generation to generation, providing these creatures with constant food.
After all, it is selfish manifestations that drive people apart, force them to quarrel, swear, worry, feel guilty and resentful, cultivate pride and pity, force them to build relationships according to the laws of “victim-executioner,” etc. That is, they do everything to make a person constantly worry and experience mental pain.
As we wrote above, the essence of these creatures is eternal hunger and fear of death. Their main qualities also include loneliness and coldness. They are always loners because they are afraid of each other and compete with each other to get more energy - food. They themselves do not know how to generate energy - strength, therefore they are 100% parasites, always existing at the expense of someone else.
Their relationship is built on the principle of a pyramid of power and strength. Whoever is stronger has power. Whoever has power has more access to energy resources.
Doesn't remind you of anything?...
Step-by-step instructions for getting rid of unhealthy egoism
The habit of putting oneself above others, first of all, prevents its owner from living fully, objectively assessing one’s capabilities and abilities, and building harmonious relationships.
Step 1: look for the cause
The first step towards getting rid of selfishness is to find the reason for this behavior. Psychologists say that selfishness comes from thoughts and beliefs, so you should turn to past events in your life and try to find the reason for excessive self-love. Most often this is:
- excess or lack of parental attention in childhood;
- defensive reaction to negative events;
- childhood trauma;
- difficulties in interacting with the team in preschool and school years.
Step 2: Admit there is a problem
The next important step is to accept that you have a problem. Awareness is already half the success in the fight against unhealthy egoism. Analyze your past actions without judgment or panic, there is no need to blame yourself or justify yourself. At this stage, it is important to simply acknowledge the problem by looking at yourself from the outside.
Step 3: Use Selfishness Techniques
At the beginning of your journey, it will not be easy for you, because the habit of perceiving the world from an egoistic position has developed over the years. But the following recommendations from psychologists will help you get rid of selfishness.
- Look on the positive side
When you ask your friends why they still hang out with you, ask them to name your good qualities. Knowing your strengths will help you motivate yourself to change your behavior.
- Don't be shy to ask for help
. Ask your friends to help you by pointing out situations in which you were selfish, because knowing your reaction can help you take steps to prevent such situations in the future.
- Help others
. Even a small involvement in other people's problems can give you a feeling of happiness and a feeling of being part of the world. If desired, take a course in psychology to master assistive techniques at a professional level and advise those in need.
- Think about the consequences of your selfish behavior
. Knowing how your behavior can negatively impact other people will give you an incentive to seek alternative solutions in future situations that arise.
- Learn to listen to other people
. Try not to talk about yourself in the dialogue, ask your interlocutor leading questions. Even if it seems hypocritical at first, over time you will learn to be genuinely interested in more than just yourself.
- Try to live in the moment
. Often, selfishness is a consequence of uncertainty and fear for one’s future, which is why it is so important to learn to live, as they say, here and now. Try to accept the simple fact that reality is only the current moment, and you need to be able to enjoy it without regard to illusions about the immediate future.
- Give thanks to others
. Egoists may not notice the efforts and achievements of other people, take care of themselves for granted, and assign all the credit to their loved one. Are you used to always having order at home? Don't you think this fact is worthy of your gratitude? But clean floors and a hot lunch don’t just appear out of thin air - this is how your loved ones take care of you, and have long deserved your gratitude. Don’t be lazy to say “thank you” to your family members, work colleagues, service personnel, even for minor care.
- Learn to give in
. Compromise decisions will help you see the needs of other people and learn to accept them.
- Get a pet
. Caring for a small pet will help you feel the joy of a sincere need for someone, and gradually you will learn to selflessly give warmth to a living being.
- Make new friends.
Meeting people of different social status will help correct the illusory idea of the lives of others, teach you to enjoy simple things and gain real values.
- Try to accept the fact that material wealth is fragile
. Expensive things, cars can break down and wear out. Think about whether these temporary benefits are worth the cost of your efforts.
Balanced egoist
Motivation: you strive for harmony
You believe that selfishness is inherent in any person, so you calmly acknowledge the presence of this quality in you too, the main thing is reasonable limits. In your opinion, the ability to identify your needs and satisfy them, burdening others with problems as minimally as possible, is necessary for building balanced relationships with other people and with yourself.
Perhaps you have given too much or failed in the past, leading to painful experiences from which you learned a lesson? Or were you lucky since childhood: your parents were attentive to your needs, teaching you to express them without ignoring the needs of others?
One way or another, you went through a good school. One that teaches you not to be ashamed of your desires, to satisfy your needs and aspirations, while at the same time respecting the needs of others. You may even put them first - not out of love for sacrifice, but because you feel real pleasure from the opportunity to give a gift. And you are clearly aware that this is beneficial for your “I”. Such balanced egoism is equally convenient for those around you: they can freely and without remorse take care of their own interests and at the same time, if necessary, turn to you with a request without embarrassment or guilt.
How to get rid of selfishness in a relationship?
This issue is certainly worthy of separate discussion. Often, it is with close people that an egoist is the most demanding, inattentive, careless, allows himself to raise his voice, and believes that the closer a person is, the more he owes him.
It is necessary to realize that family/close relationships, first of all, involve your responsibility; they should bring joy to all participants, and not be used to satisfy the needs and desires of only one person. If you do nothing, you can ruin your relationships (or even lose them) with the people you care about most.
How to proceed?
- It is very important to recognize the problem and give yourself and loved ones the same rights.
- Monitor your behavior, record and eliminate those moments in which you demand more from your partner than from yourself.
If you feel that it is difficult for you to cope with the current situation on your own, seek advice from a psychologist.
Selfishness = Altruism
The most interesting thing is that it is rare that someone thinks about himself and perceives himself as an egoist. On the contrary, a person often believes that he does a lot for others and for the sake of other people, not realizing that in fact, real selfish benefit is hidden behind his actions.
Yes, altruism is the flip side of egoism, but in essence it is the same thing. These are 2 sides of the same coin. Now we will explain in more detail using examples.
Literature that will help
Let's talk about our and foreign books that will help build healthy relationships and get rid of manifestations of selfishness:
- Baranova Svetlana “Egoism as a destructive component of the human being”;
- Rakhimov Ravil “Getting rid of pride”, training book;
- Svetomirov Alexey “How to get rid of selfishness and be happy”;
- Sinelnikov Valery “Getting rid of pride”;
- U. Yuri “Agree with yourself and other worthy opponents”;
- Radhanatha Swami "The Journey Home (Autobiography of an American Yogi)."
Take note and remember that an egoist may lose the ability to adequately perceive the world and people around him, and this will inevitably lead to a decrease in the quality of life. Learning to truly evaluate yourself and others again is the key to a new, fulfilling life.
Selfishness and its manifestations
The word egoism is of Greek origin. Ego (Εγώ) - translated as the pronoun “I”. Therefore, egoism is when everything is for me, around me and because of me, where I am the navel of the Universe.
Request: Do not confuse the perception of yourself and your “I” as a continuation and child of God, with “I” as the center of everything in this world.
Each person is the center of his own subjective reality, but not Reality. Every person is at the center of his life (at least he should be ;)), but not at the center of the life of everyone living on Earth and other worlds.
Each person is responsible for his thoughts, feelings, words, actions, choices and decisions - for his own life, but not for the lives of other people, their decisions and actions. He doesn’t decide for others, doesn’t do things for others, and if he does, then this is precisely a manifestation of selfishness.
Unfortunately, we are forced to admit that in the modern world almost everyone (perhaps there are “saint” exceptions) is sick with selfishness. Yes, almost every person is an egoist to a greater or lesser extent.
The main manifestations of selfishness are:
- pride,
- laziness and desire for freebies,
- touchiness and capriciousness,
- criticism and condemnation,
- hidden and overt manipulation,
- sacrifice,
- avoidance of responsibility and excessive control of everything and everyone,
- quarrelsomeness, scandalousness and absurdity,
- coldness and indifference,
- rigid beliefs and stereotyped thinking.
Egoist or Man?
At our school, we conducted research into the essence of a person, his current standard state, and also came to the conclusion that selfishness and humanity are incompatible with each other. These are two opposite directions. Humanity is the path of Life and creation. Selfishness is the path of destruction leading to death.
Egoist
An egoist is always a loner. He has no friends or very few. Relationships in the family and among relatives are absent or based on conflict. Such a person is cold, indifferent, calculating.
An egoist will always strive for separation; the whole world for him is divided into “I” and others. Man always strives for unification and lives by the concepts of “We”.
The stronger the virus of egoism in a person, the less human there is in him and the more qualities of that very essence.
They are manifested not only in the form of a gene mutation, but also as energy parasites in the human field, visible as black blots. And also in the form of physical parasites living in the human body.
By the way, all the dark creations of man are manifestations of egoism in different forms.
An egoist is someone who is always looking for a freebie and tries to get his own benefit at the expense of others. An egoist is someone who does everything to avoid making efforts. An egoist will always avoid responsibility, duty and obligations.
An egoist is always afraid. He always lives from a state of need. And it is constantly in a state of war - conflict and competition. Fear, hunger (need), conflict are the 3 main components of the life of those creatures that always ultimately lead a person to loneliness, destruction and death.
Human
Man always strives for community. For him, the most important thing in life is relationships: family, relatives, friends, associates. The basis of such relationships is Love. The whole life of a person is permeated with Love. Love for family, relatives, friends, associates, business, work, life in general.
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So it turns out that an egoist and a person are not the same thing. And selfishness is not a human quality, not a quality of character, but a completely inhuman manifestation. An egoist is a parasite that lives at the expense of a person and eats his energy - strength.
Selfishness and its manifestations: Benefits
In connection with everything written above, the question arises: how did a person allow himself to be infected? How did it happen that he became a victim of selfishness?
The answer is very simple. It is beneficial for a person to be selfish.
Benefits are divided into conscious and subconscious. Both of them work effectively enough to force a person to act in accordance with what is beneficial to him.
Examples of benefits:
Pride I don’t owe anything to anyone and I don’t have to, so I can do what I want and consider necessary. And I don't care how it affects others. I know better what is better.
Laziness and desire for freebies Here the benefit is quite transparent - get what you need and want without putting in any effort. Those. without agreement, interaction and mutual exchange.
Touchiness and capriciousness The desire to receive attention and love from the outside, to fill oneself at the expense of others.
Criticism and condemnation The benefit is the same as in the previous paragraph - to get attention and power at someone else's expense, for free.
Hidden and overt manipulation Get what you want without an agreement or interaction, i.e. without putting your power into action.
Avoidance of responsibility and excessive control of everything and everyone The benefit is the same as in laziness and manipulation - to achieve a goal at someone else’s expense.
Sacrifice The desire to receive attention and love from the outside, to fill oneself with strength and energy at the expense of others.
Quarrelsomeness, scandalousness and nonsense The desire to get what is yours and achieve the desired goal at the expense of others, without investing your own strength.
Coldness and indifference Gives me the opportunity to do what I consider necessary and as I consider necessary, without taking into account those around me. That is, without an agreement and interaction.
Rigid beliefs and stereotyped thinking. It gives you the opportunity to always justify yourself and not change. In order to ultimately do what I think is right.
