A narcissistic, egoistic man can clearly demonstrate his character traits precisely during family life. The tendency to selfishness is inherent in both men and women. This is not surprising, because the presence of traits of selfishness in individuals is quite justified, since, according to the interpretation in social psychology, selfishness is a person’s desire to put his goals and desires above others.
Selfish behavior of people, as a rule, manifests itself most strongly when alone, outside of a couple. When a person is in a relationship, selfishness fades into the background, since relationships in a couple or family are, first of all, a partnership. Women are not characterized by manifestations of selfishness in the family, which cannot be said about men.
Character traits and behavioral characteristics of a selfish man
Each man has an individual character.
Selfishness manifests itself in different ways. But this behavioral feature has a number of common characteristic features.
Among them are the following behavioral features:
- An egoist very rarely asks a woman about her well-being, does not ask questions about her life, because he is simply not interested.
- Such a man will not even think of asking his wife if she has eaten, if she has taken medication, or if she is tired of looking after the children all day. He would rather ask (or even demand) to be “fed, watered and put to bed” as soon as possible.
- A selfish guy will not court a girl. He won't pick her up before the date, won't give her flowers, won't buy her a small gift. After all, he has, as it seems to him, much more serious reasons to spend time and money on himself. And “on oneself” is the key word here.
- When the woman of a selfish man does household chores (cleaning, cooking, ironing), it will never even occur to him to offer help.
- Without asking, without warning, he goes to have fun: to clubs, bars, on picnics with friends. He doesn’t invite his woman anywhere with him.
- An egoist is always also a narcissistic man. He loves to listen to compliments and praise in order to be convinced of his attractiveness and exclusivity. Although he himself never makes reciprocal gestures of attention.
- When a guy suffering from excessive selfishness is sick, he is always “almost on the verge of death” and is ready to write a will with a temperature of 37 degrees. However, if his beloved falls ill, he speaks very disparagingly about the fact that she, with a migraine, runny nose and cough, does not want to go to the kitchen and make him tea.
That is, male egocentrism in close relationships manifests itself in caring exclusively about oneself.
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Such a person is only interested in himself, but at the same time expects those around him to forget about their needs and desires for his sake.
What is male egoism?i
Selfishness is the achievement of set goals and satisfaction of one’s needs at the expense of other people. Often, selfishness is closely related to narcissism - this psychological disease, with its own characteristics and traits, is skillfully woven into a person’s character.
Unfortunately, the clinical picture of the disease is such that it cannot be treated, so a woman caught in the snare of a narcissistic egoist must either come to terms with her choice or leave this man forever and forget about him like a bad dream.
Narcissistic men, as a rule, do not grieve for a long time after breaking up with a previous passion. All they can worry about is the speedy or even immediate search for another simpleton to satisfy their needs and desires.
Why do men become selfish?
Most often, male selfish people are people spoiled by female attention in childhood. For example, their mother fulfilled their whims at the first request, and when they grew up, they began to expect the same attitude from other women in their lives.
Of course, there are exceptions. Sometimes a self-centered man is a person deeply traumatized in childhood. He lacked attention, love and care at an early age. There is no clear framework in the matter of character formation; each case is exceptional and individual in its own way.
Causes of selfish tendencies
The main reason for the appearance of selfish tendencies is associated with childhood. A boy whose parents idolized him, gave him all the best, and did not teach him to care for others and share, most often grows into a man who is an egoist in relationships. This happens if the child was raised in a dysfunctional family and suffered bullying from peers. This leaves psychological consequences that impact adult life. Having matured and achieved success in everything, a man begins to demand love and care from his partner. But he doesn’t consider it necessary to give something in return.
How to build a relationship with a selfish man
Male egocentrism can be defeated with the help of female cunning. It is unlikely that it will be possible to destroy it completely, but if you make some efforts, such manifestations in a man’s character will greatly decrease.
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You can and should fight here!
A few examples of how to defeat male egoism:
- For example, a girl bought something sweet for tea, but while she was preparing dinner, the gentleman ate the purchased sweets (every last crumb!). And he didn’t even think to ask if his beloved wanted to try this dessert! What to do in this case? Approach with a plaintive (but not reproachful) look, asking: “Why didn’t you share with me?” Then you can shed a tear, making yourself look more unhappy. A loving man will definitely be visited by the thought that he is doing something wrong.
- If a man “participates and spends,” but does it alone, turning into a miser next to the woman he loves, the “knock it out with wedge” tactics can help. A woman should also go meet her friends, update her wardrobe, go to a couple of exhibitions, or, for example, leave her salary at the bar. That is, spend money only on yourself. And do it as ostentatiously as possible. When a man makes a complaint about this, you should remind him in a harsh manner that he behaves in exactly the same way!
- If your husband refuses to help around the house even with basic things, you need to hint to him that, after all, his wife is not a dishwasher or a free cleaner. Then try to stop doing household chores for a while, taking time for yourself. And leave unwashed cups in the sink, don’t wipe crumbs from sandwiches off the table, etc. Of course, after a while the man will definitely ask what’s going on. Here it is necessary to make it clear to him: “Darling, we live here together! I don't have to serve you around the clock! Since you are my husband, be kind and help me!”
- In the fight against male egoism, you can try to put pressure on the most important thing. On a man's love for himself. For example, not complimenting him for a long time, and then unexpectedly praising him, adding a small request or wish at the end. The likelihood that he will immediately run to do what he was asked to do is 80%.
- Sometimes a conversation with an indication of his shortcomings and mistakes in relationships helps to correct a narcissistic man. But these are isolated cases, because no one likes to be criticized.
- If a woman is already married to an egoist, it becomes much more difficult to fight this unpleasant character trait. After all, her husband has already got what he wanted, which means he thinks like this: “Why should I try? She's already mine! So I won’t change for her.” Here you need to very subtly, almost transparently, hint that this state of affairs does not suit the woman. As an illustrative example, you can go somewhere alone a couple of times, start wearing brighter makeup, and dress more revealingly. The partner, out of fear of losing his love, will come to his senses and begin to make efforts again.
Basically, all these examples of how to build a relationship with a selfish man are based on the fact that it is necessary to nip manifestations of self-centeredness in the bud. Be a little tough, don't make concessions.
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Living with a person who has all the signs of narcissism is very difficult, but love can conquer a lot. The main thing is not to be afraid! Don’t be shy to interrupt and communicate your desires! Hint about gifts (sometimes even insist and blackmail!), make comments, demand attention and care!
Self-centered behavior can be corrected, but not immediately.
Signs
Communication with an egoistic man deprives a woman of mental strength and exhausts her mentally. Therefore, most ladies try to avoid them in every possible way. The main signs that a man is an egoist in a relationship with a woman:
- Irresponsible attitude towards others. He does not fulfill requests, constantly ignores them, and tries in every possible way to refuse. But if he feels the benefit, he will definitely help.
- Narcissistic, proud, unable to admit his own mistakes.
- Emotional abuse. A partner with such a person is constantly subjected to moral and verbal humiliation.
- Makes decisions alone, without listening or being interested in other people's opinions. In any situation, he relies only on himself.
- He likes to be praised and does not tolerate criticism.
- He keeps everything under control. When he loses control, he behaves inappropriately.
- Wants to constantly feel cared for without giving anything in return.
- He asserts himself at the expense of the girl, constantly pointing out her complexes.
Another sign of selfishness in men in relationships with women is that a narcissistic partner is not interested in the feelings of his partner, her health, personal affairs and life.
Decision-making
This is the most difficult step and difficult decision.
No matter how much this person means, you have to question whether you are truly being used in the relationship. Learn to see the signs and, more importantly, learn to accept them.
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Advice from psychologists
The problem of re-educating an egoistic spouse is usually puzzled by women who have been married for a long period.
At one time, they decided to save the family and are determined to restore harmony to the relationship .
In this case, the advice of psychologists becomes simply invaluable.
How to communicate with such a man?
Psychologists give a number of useful recommendations to women who find themselves in this difficult situation:
- do not indulge all the whims of a narcissistic spouse at his first word;
- maintain presence of mind and optimism;
- give their husbands well-deserved compliments and do not skimp on enthusiastic speeches;
- maintain conversations with your spouse on topics that interest him;
- show understanding and patience.
Even a small correction in a woman’s behavior and communication can lead to a positive result.
How to behave?
Every person to a certain extent is an egoist .
If the level of pride and self-esteem is at an adequate level, then this does not cause problems.
The situation changes when the spouse becomes overly selfish and arrogant. need to be able to behave correctly with such men :
- in order not to be emotionally devastated, you need to pay no less attention to yourself than to your husband;
- the spouse needs to be periodically reminded that the world does not revolve around him alone;
- teach him to appreciate the help and services he receives at home;
- try to pass off your thoughts and desires as his own.
Many women underestimate the degree of their influence on their significant other. In the fight against the husband’s selfishness, it is necessary to use the entire available arsenal of possibilities.
How to re-educate?
You shouldn't count on quick results . The process of re-education can take many years. But if the case does not belong to the category of neglected ones, it is definitely worth a try:
- talk frankly with your husband, expressing your complaints in a gentle form;
- if the conversation did not have an effect, draw up a clear action plan for re-education and follow it;
- start defending your interests;
- stop overprotecting your spouse;
- convey to him that there are other people nearby with their own desires and whims.
Every person wants to live happily and in harmony with his family . If a man is interested in maintaining the relationship, he will make attempts to change after the first detailed conversation.
Take action
When you feel that you have the strength to stand up for yourself, make a decision and communicate it. After breaking up, try to spend more time in nature, make it a habit to take an evening walk, sign up for a gym, or start learning a new language or profession.
Increasing activity will relieve sad thoughts and allow you to quickly start a new life.
If there is the slightest opportunity to change the situation and your partner, use it, only in critical cases take drastic measures. After all, your own well-being, well-being and happiness are no less important.
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"Failing" tactics
If you ask your friends what to do if your husband is selfish, they will probably recommend that you “mirror” your husband’s behavior and act in similar situations the same way as him. At first glance, this is fair and should work, clearly showing your spouse that he is acting selfishly, but Sympaty.net warns you against such actions.
As a result, you risk getting more quarrels and one more selfish person in the family.
“Substantive conversation” should also be considered one of the wrong tactics.
Imagine: “Honey, I want to talk to you seriously. You are selfish." It is unlikely that a constructive conversation will move beyond this phrase. Likewise, you should not give an ultimatum and threaten divorce, although it is believed that selfish people are extremely afraid of being left alone.
But in this case, maybe it’s better to leave right away? Why then are you and I starting all this?
