They say that if you don’t see any prospects for a relationship with your loved one, it’s better to leave him. This way you will give him and yourself freedom, you will have a chance to meet like-minded people and find happiness. But these words are easy to say. And when it seems to you that you are in love, it is almost impossible to simply break off the relationship, to deprive yourself of the opportunity to be with your loved one. Read how to leave the man you love without ruining your life, not losing your mind and finding the strength to move on.
In this article:
The desire to leave the man you love. How to leave a man
Criticism of a partner, not his actions.
In a union between two people, not everything goes smoothly. It is quite normal when loved ones quarrel because they do not control their emotions while they are outraged or dissatisfied with something. However, criticism varies. It’s one thing when a person’s actions that caused indignation are criticized. It’s another matter when the person himself, his character and personality are criticized because he caused negative emotions.
If there is criticism of the partner’s personality, then such quarrels will soon lead to separation. It is necessary to criticize actions that cause dissatisfaction, remembering that this does not make a person bad, along with all his qualities and desires.
Difficult situations
- How to leave your husband if he won't let you go?
If the reason for this behavior is love for you, for the children, if he wants to return everything, think: maybe it’s worth giving him a chance? If he doesn’t let go solely out of tyranny or selfishness (“I don’t want it, that’s all, you’ll only be mine”), then you’ll have to leave quietly when he’s not at home. Moreover, it is advisable at first to change your phone number and leave so that he does not know where you are.
- What if he threatens?
Angry husbands whose wives are leaving them can threaten with anything: they will take away their children, throw them out onto the street, tell everyone about terrible family and personal secrets, will not pay alimony, will sue all joint property, etc. If you have thought about everything and decided in advance These questions are legal, he will not be able to intimidate you. It's worse when it comes to physical violence. In this case, record the threats on a tape recorder and file a complaint with the police.
- How to leave a tyrant and alcoholic?
Prepare thoroughly. Wait until he is not at home or he is sleeping in a drunken stupor. Leave a note on the table. And move out of the apartment along with your things. Usually leaving a drinking husband is not a problem. The court will definitely give you a divorce if you indicate alcoholism as the main reason. It’s definitely not worth putting up with his assault, the eternal lack of money, and scandals. As well as domestic tyranny. If your husband forbids you to communicate with anyone other than him, does not allow you to do what you love, morally oppresses your children, no love is worth such humiliation - leave as soon as possible. Moreover, it is useless to explain anything in such cases.
- What to do if you have children?
Any psychologist will tell you: you cannot tolerate tyranny, alcoholism, betrayal, assault and scandals for the sake of a child. All this is unfolding before his eyes and can become a deep psychological trauma that can affect his future life. Believe me: women leave with two or three children, just to protect them from such a nightmare.
- What to do if there is nowhere to go?
If there are no children, you can even go nowhere. In cities there are hostels and small-families, where rooms are inexpensive. Finding a job is not a problem. Live with a friend or relatives for a while until you get back on your feet.
But where to leave your husband with a child (and especially more than one) is more difficult to decide. The ideal option is to visit your parents. If you have money, rent an apartment. In such situations, do not hesitate to ask for help from family and friends. And remember: the interests of children must come first. You shouldn't deprive them of their own corner just because you want to feel free. Be prepared to be asked in court what living conditions you provided for them. Are you renting a one-room apartment with two children? Don't have a regular income? This cannot be allowed. Look for other ways to solve the problem, otherwise your husband will deprive you of your parental rights.
Aggression towards a partner.
When people stop communicating calmly with each other, they begin to show aggression. No person will tolerate an aggressive attitude towards himself for long. You can cause aggression and justifiably feel your partner’s aggressive reaction. Or you can do nothing, but feel guilty and bad every time just because your partner says so. In the latter case, this approach leads to a break in the alliance.
Aggressor
A woman finds herself in unbearable conditions: a man humiliates her morally or physically. Intellectually, such a lady understands the impending danger, but remembers the time when this person was kind and affectionate, and hopes that everything will become the same.
You shouldn’t console yourself with false hopes - he won’t improve. Children, if there are any, only get worse in such a family. They will be much happier if they see a confident mother rather than a frightened creature.
We must force ourselves to understand: there is no talk of any love here. Contact social services - such women are provided with psychological and material support. Everything will be fine.
Reasons why a woman leaves her beloved man
Silent.
The other extreme of aggression is silence. This is not maintaining neutrality and a desire not to create conflict. While your partner is emotional because he is unhappy, this will cause even more irritation. We must not remain silent, but discuss the problem. You can play the silent game when everything has already been said, the conversation goes in circles, nothing new is said. To think and make a decision, you can stop the argument and retire. But silence at the very beginning of a dispute worsens the problem, when one expresses his dissatisfaction, and the other does not voice his opinion. Lack of information on the topic of a quarrel is the path to incorrect conclusions and decisions.
Breaking up is easy, but maintaining a relationship is very difficult. People are proud of the fact that they break up successfully and do not even worry about the breakup of the union. But this is impossible to be proud of, since it is about the inability of people to live with others and solve problems together.
Is it possible to break up via SMS?
In the last three cases, you can not stand on ceremony and part ways as you wish - even send a carrier pigeon. But if you are leaving a guy who loves you, then this is not the best way. Try to scrape together the courage and fortitude to tell your man about the breakup face to face. If it doesn’t work out, then at least adhere to the following rules.
- Put everything in one message to avoid unnecessary questions.
- Be polite and respectful, avoid accusations and reproaches, and do not dramatize.
- Praise the guy, highlight his positive qualities.
- Thank him for everything and wish him happiness.
- Don't disappear immediately after the message, be prepared to answer questions.
For clarity, I will give an example of a finished message.
Dim, I need to tell you something. You are a great guy - kind, caring, smart, but I no longer have the same feelings for you that I had before. I don’t know why this happened, but I can’t do anything about it. I don’t want to torment both of us and decide to separate. You deserve a girl who will appreciate you and love you with all her soul. Thanks for all.
What pushes women to break up relationships?
Women rarely go to the extent of breaking off relationships with men. Usually this decision is not easy. But what ultimately can push a lady to take such a step?
- Excessive jealousy. Any woman is pleased when a man is jealous of her. However, jealousy often becomes pathological. If a man is jealous of a woman constantly, at every pillar, even at relatives, girlfriends, children and work, then she will eventually get tired.
- Past love. This could also happen. The woman was in love, felt passion, but did not really develop feelings for the man. If years have passed and she realized that she can no longer be near a man, she may have a desire to break up with him. This is no one's fault.
- Another man appears. A woman can simply fall in love with another man. At first she will hesitate, not being able to decide who to stay with. But if there are strong feelings for another man, the woman will be ready to leave him.
- Cheating on a man. Not all women are ready to forgive their men. If one clenches her teeth just to save the relationship, then the other will not put up with the fact that her partner sleeps with someone else. If a man has cheated or cheats systematically, this may be a reason for breaking up with him.
- Life is stuck. Men usually complain that women do not do their homework. I didn’t have time to cook food, do laundry, and the house wasn’t cleaned. In addition to household duties, a woman works and raises children. In general, a woman does not have time not because of laziness, but because of lack of time, strength and fatigue. If a man does not understand and does not help a woman, then she loses motivation to try for him. Everyday life exhausts everyone who is forced to constantly deal with it. A woman often takes care of everyday life, rather than a man who only works and does not oblige himself to anything else.
How to prioritize and mentally prepare for leaving
Be sure of your decision. The worst thing you can imagine is making a decision in a moment of raging emotions. Try to calm down and turn off pity and fear. Imagine that you have already broken up and weigh all the pros and cons.
Try to answer yourself: “What do I expect from life?” and “Is it worth living like this anymore?” If, by answering these questions, you are already mentally excluding your partner from your life and experiencing relief, then you should not continue to reanimate the relationship.
Don't put off implementing your decision for too long. This may drag on for years and you will needlessly wear yourself out with remorse. It is possible that this situation will also exhaust him, because only a naive or deeply indifferent man will not notice the dangerous changes in your mood.
Prepare to be resilient. Keep in mind that it will be much more difficult for you than for him. After all, it is you who make the decision and take full responsibility upon yourself. It may seem easier to leave things as they are. But this cowardice will only delay the breakup, making it even more painful later. Alternatively, the man may be happy that you left. This will be a hard blow to pride, but far from fatal. In any case, you were the initiator of the breakup. In general, this is even easier to bear than the fact that he starts begging you to change your mind and stay.
And the last thing you should worry about is public opinion. All gossip arises with or without reason, so do not attach much importance to the admonitions of acquaintances and friends and do not allow them to influence the decision made. Your life concerns only you and no one else, which means collecting rumors and trying to please everyone is a completely thankless task.
You will need a lot of time to regain the energy you expended and heal the emotional trauma after a breakup. But you can go through all these tests while maintaining self-respect and dignity.
If you decide to break up, then don't think about your ex anymore.
Girls and women make many mistakes in relationships. Moreover, these mistakes negatively affect not only love relationships, but also themselves. We will not list all the errors in one small article. It’s better to consider one of the common mistakes of the fairer sex, which can often be found.
It’s not even clear what this error can be called. Let's give it this name - “Parting without parting.” So, if a man decides to leave a woman, no matter for what reasons, then he completely forgets about her, stops thinking, and does not even respond to her calls and desire to see her. But what does a woman do if she suddenly decides to leave an uncomfortable and painful relationship? She first pretends that she broke up, and then begins to miss her ex, be interested in the motives of his behavior, if he suddenly paid attention to her, discuss his personal life, etc.
The question arises: why did you break up if you didn’t really want it?
Everything is actually very simple: when a person really wants something, he does it and gets results. If a person really wants to break up, then he stops meetings, communication and other contacts, reminders with his former partner. And if suddenly the former partner somehow declares himself, then the person is not interested. He broke up because he was no longer interested in his relationship with his ex-partner.
However, women make a mistake when they start deceiving everyone around them. They first break up with men, and then, with any external irritation from their exes, they begin to ask questions and go crazy. Why break up if you still want to be with this person, are interested in his life and motives for his actions?
It should be understood that parting hurts a partner, especially if we are talking about a man who often has an inflated sense of self-importance. If you offend a man, hurt his pride, then he can take revenge on you later. Resuming a relationship after a stupid breakup often leads to an even worse situation. If you think that you will scare a man by leaving, then you are mistaken. He can only get angry and then take revenge once he gets you back.
There is only one conclusion here:
- Either you break up completely and don’t fool yourself about why your ex-partner suddenly begins to show signs of attention to you.
- Or you don’t break up and continue to suffer in a relationship with a man with whom you are actually not yet ready to say goodbye.
Don't try to break up to scare and then want to be loved beyond measure. Either you cause fear in a man who is afraid of losing you, or you try to arouse love for yourself so that your partner does not want to part with you.
Useful video
From this video you will learn how to properly get out of a destructive relationship:
Parting is always difficult, but after it there always comes a moment of enlightenment . In psychology, this moment is called catharsis - healing through living a negative experience. This is an inevitable and necessary stage of human life.
At this moment, new perspectives and personal possibilities open up before a person, and he becomes convinced that his decision is correct . A person begins to pay attention to the “signs of fate”, to notice its signals and messages. The colors of the world are becoming brighter, and this means that the journey of life continues, and past relationships will remain only pleasant memories.
How to leave a man?
If you are at the stage of breaking up with a man, then you will have to be highly motivated to take the plunge and see it through to the end. This will help you:
- Make a list of the man's strengths and weaknesses. You must clearly understand what is good and bad about a man. It definitely has merit. Flaws make you break up with him. You should compare what you are willing to put up with or what you are willing to give up.
- Break up when you meet in person. It is better not to break up by phone or message, especially if you have been dating a man for a long time. It will be disrespectful and offensive. And it will put you in an unsightly light.
- Don't yell at the man. If you decide to break up, then you definitely need to talk to him. He has the right to know what caused you to want to break up with him. You continue to have the right to break up with a man, no matter how much he begs you to maintain the relationship. Speak to him calmly and confidently so that the man understands your intentions.
- List the merits of your separation. If a man is unwilling to break up with you, cries, begs, threatens or manipulates, then simply list what positive consequences he will face when you break up. He will have free time, the opportunity to find a woman who will be better than you, the opportunity to meet with friends at any time, he will lose the claims and scandals that you caused, etc.
- List your shortcomings. What are these disadvantages? And you will remember everything about which a man has ever yelled at you, criticized you, or quarreled. The man was also dissatisfied with something - use this as an argument that should make the man agree and break up with you.
- Don't make a scandal. A calm conversation can easily develop into another scandal. This way you will not part on a good note. It's better to keep your composure.
No. 3. Be cool and reasonable
Your honesty will help a man get through a difficult conversation with the least impact on his own dignity. You should not make someone guilty and remember grievances. All these complaints will change absolutely nothing, except in the end they will thoroughly fray the nerves of both of you.
Answer questions calmly and thoroughly. This is exactly the approach that famous psychologists advise. Explain, without unnecessary emotion, the reason for your action and carefully hint that you are also sorry that everything turned out this way.
Avoid touching and remember that it is normal to feel sadness and regret when breaking up. Finish what you start, don’t expect someone else to do it for you.
Bottom line
Not every man will have a long and ideal relationship with you. At first, the man will seem interesting to you, but then you will realize that you are not on the same path with him. If you realize that a relationship with a man does not suit you, that the partner himself is not suitable for you, then you will have to break up with him.
If a man does not break up with you, you will have to take on all the responsibilities of breaking up. It will be difficult to do this. The process of separation itself will be unpleasant. But you will have to go through this to give yourself the opportunity to live happily, move on, look for new love, enjoy freedom and simply get rid of relationships that only depress and upset you.
Although a woman is considered the guardian of relationships and love, even she has the right to choose with whom she stays. Don't let guilt or remorse affect your happiness.
No. 2. Think through all the arguments
Prepare in advance for possible turns in the conversation. A man will partly unconsciously try to manipulate you and put pressure on the pain points he knows. Don’t hesitate to think of sincere and convincing answers; it’s better than if they start coming to your mind after the conversation has taken place. If necessary, seek advice from a professional psychologist or even a lawyer.
Your opponent's emotions can lead you astray. Try to write down briefly what exactly you wanted to say, then you will have a chance to end an unpleasant conversation on the first and last try.
