Lack of meaning in life

May 19, 2021

" What is a sense of life? Serve others and do good.”

Aristotle

“Believe in the fact that THERE IS SOMETHING TO LIVE FOR and your faith will help this fact come true.”

W. James

The question of the meaning of life is one of the “eternal” questions that sooner or later faces every person. The answer to it depends on life guidelines and personality development. At different times, people found it in pleasure, serving people, virtue, etc. The only thing on which opinions agree is that the meaning of life is closely related to the goals of life .

Most often, for the first time we think about the meaning of life in our youth, when we begin to look for our place in life, our purpose, set goals for ourselves and think about the future. Throughout life, its meaning changes, because... a person faces new goals and tasks.

Some people who wonder whether there is a meaning to life come to the conclusion that it does not exist. They believe that this is just self-conviction, with the help of which they can avoid thoughts about the meaninglessness of life, because... sooner or later a person dies and his life has no meaning.

Loss of meaning in life is characterized by such signs as:

Apathy;
Dissatisfaction with oneself;
Indifference;
Disappointment;

All these signs sooner or later lead to depression, and depression, in turn, leads to the following psychosomatic diseases:

Problems with the gastrointestinal tract;
Problems with the cardiovascular system;
Sleep problems - insomnia;
Neuroses may develop;
Immunity decreases, vulnerability to viral diseases increases.

What's going on?

Yes, as I already said, a person can lose a loved one, a job, a family, but he can also lose something less significant, which simply became the “last straw” - the lever that starts the terrible machine of “depression”. And if grief after a significant loss passes after a certain time, as I have already described (after crying nights and difficult days in sadness), then with depression this grief does not go away, the loss remains with the person, it is, as it were, placed “inside”.

An object (a person, a job, a significant part of life) does not really die for a person, but is lost as an object of love.

And all the desire that you received in this significant person or event is now always with you. Desire is now within the person himself, it is not directed to the outside world. A person ceases to desire anything outside, he needs nothing, everything is vain and meaningless. He couldn't let go of his loss, he appropriated it and kept it for himself.

But what causes the loss of meaning in life?

The loss of old traditions and values in society without a new alternative (remember the situation of the “dashing 90s” in our country).
Technologization and globalization of society . A person feels unnecessary, because his efforts will be replaced by the labor of various mechanisms.
Loss of health due to developing serious illness . You have always led an active lifestyle, but now you are not able to live as before.
Professional activity . These could be career problems or job loss. Added to financial problems is a feeling of self-doubt, uselessness, and resentment towards the world.
Severe disappointment (in love, family, career, etc.). Not only do years of life and a lot of effort go downhill, but the very system of values on which a person built his life collapses.
Death of a loved one. For many, this is tantamount to their death, because... people cannot imagine their future life without a person dear to him.
Middle age crisis. Years go by, but abilities, desires and hopes cannot be realized. The result is a feeling of disappointment, dissatisfaction, melancholy and, as a result, an unwillingness to live.
Fatigue (loss of strength and energy). Basic needs are called that because without their satisfaction the human body cannot work. And rest is one of them. Life energy is replenished with regular nutrition, sleep, and positive emotions. If the pace of your life is high, and there is little time for rest and recuperation, you get out of the habit of resting and forget what it means to enjoy life.
"Empty nest syndrome" For those who saw the meaning of their life in raising children, their departure from the parental home to an independent life means their own uselessness and the loss of all meaning in life.
"Paradise Syndrome" At some point, a person achieved everything he dreamed of. There is a house, a family, children, a career... Live and be happy! But no. A person, experiencing satiety, experiences severe disappointment and loss of interest in life and loved ones.

The listed reasons are just some of the most common ones indicating the presence of this problem.

When should you think about the meaning of life and how to solve this question?

Before you dive into thinking about the meaning of life, answer the question: to what extent did you participate in creating unfavorable circumstances? If, for example, a loved one died or the activity does not bring in the same income due to changes in the market (large chains are displacing individuals), little depended on us. In this case, you should not waste time searching for the meaning of life, “bathing” in ideas about its meaninglessness, thinking that “everything is in vain, we will die, there will be nothing left...” and getting hung up on the feeling of guilt that we did something wrong. Put these questions aside until you adapt to the new environment. All these thoughts are generated by reactive depression, which should be treated with a specialist, especially if it lasts for several months or affects the quality of your life.

If you have contributed to a state of joylessness, for example:

you are not living your own life;
trying to control something that is beyond your control;
sacrificing important things in order to achieve some goals;
you cannot adapt to circumstances that have changed unfavorably...

In a word, you couldn’t balance your capabilities, desires, goals, energy costs, and therefore you find yourself in a situation of chronic dissatisfaction. In this case, it makes sense to realize the biological task of depression, the reason for which it was invented, namely, to figure out how you got to this point of life, to understand what you are missing and what you are doing in a way that is not the most optimal for yourself.

Often, thoughts about the meaning of life or its meaninglessness are a symptom of depression (in the broadest sense, not in the clinical sense). A low mood gives rise to all thoughts of meaninglessness, so you can ignore them, at least until your mood levels out. But don’t think that when you find the meaning of life, depression will go away. If your actions have created a depressed mood, think about the fact that you need to change something in the way you live, what you strive for, what activities your life is filled with, how suitable the people around you are for you. Based on your answers, try to start changing something. Then your health will begin to improve, and there will be fewer thoughts that everything is in vain.

We are designed in such a way that we have many needs, and their harmonious satisfaction contributes to a good mood and a feeling of satisfaction from our lives. It is important to understand depression, the reasons for its occurrence, and then dive into clarifying such an important question for each of us: “Why do we live?” And this really makes sense, since having constructive answers to this question, it is much easier not to find yourself in a situation where you regret what you did in the past, as well as to overcome various kinds of troubles that arise in the life of every person.

How to find what is lost?

For a person who is trying to find his own destiny, it is important to remember that on this path he may be faced with certain “traps” that will again lead him to a feeling of dissatisfaction with himself and the meaninglessness of life. It could be:

Self-destructive behavior is a pointless waste of energy and time “trying everything, because you only live once” (alcohol, drugs, parties, etc.).
Workaholism . A person is COMPLETELY immersed in work, it takes up all his time and thoughts. As a result, he does not have time for family, friends, or rest, and this leads to dissatisfaction with himself and, as a result, to a feeling of anxiety and even depression.
Dependent relationships . Are you tired of hearing that “the clock is ticking”, but you don’t have a family yet and now “you have to take what you have”. But a family created in a hurry and to please society will very soon become its “appearance” and will definitely not bring meaning and happiness to anyone.

What types of meaning in life are there?

Reflections on the topic of why we live are only useful if you are not in a very pronounced low mood and, most importantly, they should be based on your value system, on your life, and not on what philosophers, writers or bloggers think about this topic . In this case, try to assess the real importance of what makes up the meaning of your life, your goals, how much control you have over the result, how much time and energy costs are worth it, is your participation important for achieving the goal... There is no point in looking for guidelines from external sources, and the only an answer that would explain everything and make everything meaningful, for example, such as:

someone lives in the interests of their children, family, clan, country;
some for material and everyday well-being;
some to achieve a secure and stable future;
someone puts pleasure, comfort, social status at the forefront;
someone to prove something to others, for example, that they are no worse than others or worthy of love and recognition;
for some, the most important thing is to self-actualize and achieve success;
someone to make the world or themselves a better place;
someone in order to realize God's plan, through obedience to his laws of the universe.

Note that it is almost impossible to have only one goal or to highlight the main meaning of everything. Only in extreme conditions does it work and help, for mobilization, to reduce everything in your life activity to one task, and even then, only for a while. For example, when going to prison or losing a spouse, the mother mobilizes in order to “raise” the child.

Aphorisms for the occasion - for the sake of thought

The beauty of aphorisms is that each person interprets them in his own way. I offer you several popular sayings of great people about the meaning of life. Perhaps this will be a “magic kick” for you. Well, take a little break from the previous “overload”.

A. Ananyev: “The goal of life cannot consist only of the promised eternal bliss; the golden gates of heaven awaiting us, to which only we should turn our thoughts and deeds, is wonderful; but there is, that is, there must certainly be something else... that brings satisfaction not in the mythical future, but today, here on earth. The purpose of life is the desire for immortality (even just name); The meaning of life is the choice of path (and actions) to achieve a goal.”
Aristotle: “What is the meaning of life? Serve others and do good. Every person individually and everyone together has, one might say, a certain goal, in pursuit of which they choose one thing and avoid another... Happiness is the goal of life.”
V. Belinsky: “Without a goal there is no activity, without interests there is no goal, and without activity there is no life.”
W. James: “Believe in the fact that there is something to live for, and your faith will help this fact come true.”
P. Coelho: “Life is a mystery that you must be able to accept and not torment yourself with the constant question: “What is the meaning of my life?” It’s better to fill your life with meaning and things that are important to you.”
B. Pascal: “The past and present are our means, only the future is our goal.”
P. Tkachev: “The life goal of each individual is to preserve and maintain his individuality.”
T. Wilder: “Life has no other meaning than the one we give it.”
O. Wilde: “The purpose of life is self-expression. To manifest our essence in its entirety - that’s what we live for.”

Form habits and rituals

You've probably noticed that if you don't brush your teeth in the morning, you'll most likely feel bad throughout the day. And the point is not about hygiene, but about the fact that the usual ritual was disrupted. The brain, repeating the same actions, gets used to a certain behavior, and if you go out of rhythm somewhere, you thereby disrupt stability and the brain begins to get nervous. Therefore, if you feel in a state of uncertainty and unpredictability, deliberately “drive” yourself into the system by forming new [useful habits (https://theoryandpractice.ru/posts/16486-povtor-poleznykh-deystviy-kak-nauchitsya-formirovat-privychki ).

Requests for help Write your story I don't see any point in living. When I look at my parents I see how disappointed they are in me. I grew up as a very talented, healthy and smart child. Everyone said that a happy future awaited me. But every year everything only got worse. I have completely lost myself, I have no talents, no beauty, no intelligence. No guy, mediocre job for pennies and nothing more. It seems to me that nothing good will ever happen in my life. I completely lost myself. I don’t have the strength to change even the slightest thing for myself. I went to live in another city so as not to see my parents every day. They constantly talk about who has what kind of children, and in these words I only hear that I failed and I am worthless. I had a depression that lasted 2 years, from which I pulled myself out by letting go of the past and living with faith in the best for 1.5 years. But now I’m at the very bottom again and I no longer believe in anything. Every day there is only one question in my head: what is the meaning in my life? What will happen next? My parents want to help me buy an apartment with a mortgage, but I understand that I myself will not be able to pay from my salary and it is purely emotionally difficult for me to realize that I am so worthless that at this age I am still sitting on my parents’ neck and perhaps this will never change, because I can't find the strength to do it. Sometimes I really want to just tell them all this, but they won’t understand my problems, because they always laugh them off or say that you’re whining all the time. I haven’t been in a relationship for a long time, but I really want love, even just for someone to hug me and say that they love me. It’s hard for me to imagine that anyone is capable of loving me. I don't want to live at all. I don't see the point

Alice, age: 26 / 04/20/2021

Responses:

Hello. Alice, there is no need to engage in self-flagellation. In fact, everything is not so bad, you have grown, studied, work, this is already a lot and there is quite something to be proud of. Those who have sunk to alcoholism, drug addiction, and crime may feel ashamed and consider their life a failure. You are clearly not one of them. Just think - there is no boyfriend, since when is this a disadvantage?! And the problems are more likely in your consciousness, your head, I’m sure that your parents love you simply for who you are, and not for any successes or failures. Let go of bad thoughts, appreciate that you are alive and healthy, and everything else will follow.

Irina, age: 33 / 04/22/2021

Alice, honey, you might be surprised if I tell you that you're fine! Not even that, you are a very nice girl! And you are not “worthless”. The trouble is that our parents are sometimes unable to nourish us with energy, charge us with a gracious spirit, or give us a strong will to live. And this happens often. Many people grow up thinking about their inadequacy, insufficiency, and badness. With confidence that they are the cause of frustration and disappointment for parents. I repeat, you are not alone in your trouble. Read at least Pavel Sanaev’s “Bury me behind the baseboard.” There is, of course, a rather difficult case there, and I hope your picture is easier. Just reading this book, you understand that children have terrible troubles. The trouble is that adults are unable to cope with their own emotional instability, that they place some of their own expectations on children that are not met, not because the children are worthless, but because these expectations have nothing to do with them, the children. . And children generally should not meet anyone’s expectations; any psychologist will confirm this. And children cannot be to blame for the problems and disappointments of adults. This is an axiom. It’s sad when smart, diligent, kind people whose wings are clipped enter adulthood. Because in childhood they were simply not accepted for who they are. They didn’t hug, didn’t feel sorry, and didn’t even just listen when it was sad, difficult, or offensive. They didn’t praise when there was something to praise for, and they didn’t support them in failures. It's a thankless, hard, and never-ending task trying to live up to someone else's expectations. Alice, you wasted your energy trying to earn the love and approval of your parents, did not receive any return from this meaningless business, and now you feel that that’s it, there is no fuel, the end of the road. And I’ll tell you that everything is not like that, the best is just beginning. You will be happy, you will be glad of yourself, your successes and life in general. You are a wonderful person, smart, purposeful, kind. You don’t become embittered after having a negative experience, you don’t blame others for your failures. (Were there any failures? Or was it just a stop due to fatigue?). This is already good! And I’m sure you have achievements and work experience with which you can move on. Well, look at your history - does it really consist only of failures? Well, find at least the smallest thing for which you can praise yourself! And praise from the heart. Imagine that in front of you is some other person, maybe a little younger, a little more inexperienced than you. Does he really not deserve a good rating? Or support if something didn’t work out? Well, don’t be embarrassed, support and praise him and yourself. Just don’t get confused, don’t devalue yourself, don’t think that I still haven’t received the Nobel Prize, which means I’m nothing, my life was in vain)). Just don't evaluate yourself through your parents' eyes. She left, and rightly so. But you shouldn’t blame your parents, they couldn’t cope with something themselves, they didn’t find the spiritual strength in themselves that they could share with you. God is their judge. Work for pennies? Then let it be such that you like the process itself. Find something you like without worrying about the salary. And get joy from the work itself until you find one that suits your heart and pays a good salary. You will find it, no doubt. But what to do when the situation seems hopeless and there is no strength left for anything? When do you think that no amount of effort will yield good results? When you don't see the point in getting out of bed in the morning? And here is the most interesting and paradoxical thing. In the morning, as soon as you open your eyes, no matter how sad, empty, despondent your soul is, say: “Thank God for everything! Thank You, Lord!” Only from the heart! Don't know what to be grateful for? If you don’t know now, you’ll understand why a little later. And so every morning. This is not some kind of mantra, this is a prayer, a conversation with God. And He knows how to help each of us. He will give you strength and show you the way. Everything will start to get better, you'll see! Not immediately, little by little, but it will become lighter and lighter. And ask Him for forgiveness for your dark thoughts. Alice, my dear, live! This life is worth overcoming a lot in search of yourself, your happiness. Your test is not forever. Everything will be alright. And good, kind people will come into your life. There will be work and relationships. Hug you. God bless you!

Evgenia, age: 48 / 04/22/2021

Alice, trust God and ask Him for help. You can ask him to give you a good husband if it will be useful for you. He will definitely help! I know from my own experience, I was alone, turned to God, prayed, and a few months later I got married. Nothing is impossible for God, I believe in it and know it! And I know that happiness is possible only with God. I wish you to believe, pray and love too! :)

Bee, age: over 30 / 04/22/2021

Hello Alice. The related specialized site https://realove.ru/ can answer the final question of your letter. After all, before we ask ourselves whether someone is capable of loving us, we need to ask ourselves whether we are capable of loving someone, so that there is no “one-sided game,” but, as it were, “on horseback,” that means it’s okay... Your parents, I’m sure, love you. Maybe they did or are doing something wrong or not the way you would like, but they still love you very much. In principle, there are no ideal people; we all make mistakes regularly. Only clearly loving people can offer to help with a mortgage with the risks and interest rates that exist today. Having read the stories on this site, including how and how it may end, I am unlikely to ever take a risk on a mortgage, especially alone, this is completely unacceptable. But this is my subjective opinion. But in your case, it seems to me, it is not fear of negative consequences, the reason is completely different - reluctance to help from your parents for a reason known or unknown only to you. Under the unknown there may be, for example, something like this https://pobedish.ru/main/depress?id=104 it is the most invisible, it is difficult to discern it in yourself, but with God’s help it is possible. In general, there is a good selection of material about relationships with parents on another related site https://realisti.ru/main/rodit. This is a very important part of our life, a lot depends on it, even if we are financially independent and others and others are “independent”. But what happens to such loving parents after the suicide of their beloved child, no matter how old he is, please read here https://pobedish.ru/main/rodnie, I beg you, such hell is already in earthly life for even the worst enemy If you don’t want it, many can’t stand it and follow. And beyond the threshold of life and death, a suicide does not face peace or non-existence, as thoughts lie to us (there is also a whole section about them on this site “where thoughts about suicide come from), but eternity in hell. Any of the most terrible earthly torments in comparison with this is nothing, a moment. This is confirmed by all major religions, the post-mortem experience of many people after clinical death, including after suicide attempts. You can read about this in the section of the site “about death” and other sections of the site, as well as on the sister site Memoriam.ru https://memoriam.ru/zhizn-posle-smerti-est. If you still have any doubts, I highly recommend Professor A.I. Osipov’s lectures on the topic “Religion and Atheism”; they are freely available on the Internet in audio, video and text format. The complete inconsistency and anti-scientific nature of atheism is shown in an accessible, well-reasoned manner, including from a scientific point of view. Atheism is also a faith, but unlike all others, it has nothing in its arsenal except the proud “there is no God” based on nothing, including from people with scientific degrees. Why this happens to a person, there is an answer in one of the articles proposed above, we all sometimes want to be right, even if it were not so... and you can read about lies in science here https://realisti.ru/main/ nauka. Professor A.I. Osipov claims that mathematicians have calculated the mathematical probability that a living cell was accidentally born in a chemical broth during the process of evolution and it is equal to one chance per completely astronomical figure, one in ten to the eighty-seventh power, practically absolute zero. What then can we say about a person in whom the most complex physical, chemical, mental and spiritual processes operate? And about all living things, which exist with amazing intelligence both independently and in relation to each other. Except for man, of course, because only man is given freedom of choice. And freedom is both a great gift and a great danger of mistakes, which we all regularly and “successfully” make. What is conscience in each of us? Where is it located and why does it convict us when we make mistakes. The more a person leans toward evil, the less he hears her, why? Other physicists argue that all organic and inorganic matter, including macro-objects of space, are subject to the same laws. Who created these laws? What kind of Reason controls all this intelligence? Atheism says that “nature” is soulless and unreasonable, and why not God? Why does atheism believe in chance, because chance is stupid and unpredictable, and isn’t there too much chance at a time for at least one living cell, not to mention more? And much further in the lectures….. In general, if you want to find answers, you will definitely find them with God’s help. In general, the proposed sites, including this one, are very informative and useful on many important life issues, including the meaning of life, which is of course necessary and it certainly exists, you just need to find it. The sacraments of the Church (Confession, Communion) can qualitatively change your life, with God it is much more reliable in life, if you want, again. You can talk to a priest, ask for advice and prayers for yourself and your family. God help you!

Vitaly, age: about 50 / 04/30/2021

Hello. To say in what case life will be truly unsuccessful? Precisely in the case of suicide. That's all. There is a way out of the rest. Were you able to pull yourself out of depression? And now you can. And why did you suddenly decide that no one would love you? They love a person, not money or anything else. Be passionate about something, do it with joy. Listen to music of the 20th century (now greatly degraded), read. There will be topics for conversation. You can't disappear. Where will you go after such a death? You won’t be well received there, because it’s not time yet, it will turn out that you ran away. But evil spirits will be greeted with pleasure. Why feed them? Talents cannot disappear, unless, of course, you drink yourself to death and go crazy. Sometimes there is a temporary lead. Or one ability is mistaken for another. In principle, there should be no parental expectations. And no one is obliged to justify them.

Wild Angel, age: 21 / 06/05/2021

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Causes of emptiness

Getting lost in the labyrinths of life is not shameful; looking for meaning is not a shame, just like losing it. It seems to you that the whole point is in your passivity and apathy, but it also has roots. External factors of feeling the meaninglessness of life in a broad sense include:

globalization and technologization of society;
abundance of information;
identification of work calling and life calling (read more about this in the article “Is it possible to see the meaning of life in work”);
the collapse of old values and traditions of society without offering a new alternative (reminiscent of the situation in the 90s).

All this causes a person to fear being replaced by robots and technologies; The abundance of information from different sources and of different quality sows uncertainty in one’s own stability; the collapse of values prevents one from building one’s worldview.