© Marty Laney
Excerpt from Marty Laney's book. Advantages of introverts. - M.: Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2013.
In this book, a practicing psychotherapist and a leading US expert on the topic of introversion combines his wealth of experience and scientific research to dissuade introverts that there is something wrong with them and help them see and appreciate their strengths - analytical skills, creativity , ability for high concentration. In addition, in the book you will find practical advice on how to establish relationships with people of different temperaments in the family, at work and among friends.
The founder of this theory, Carl Gustav Jung, believed that extraversion and introversion are innate properties that have a physiological basis. Modern science has confirmed the correctness of his intuitive guesses. He argued that we can best adapt in this world by moving along a continuum from the introverted to the extroverted end of the spectrum as we need to. According to Jung, apart from extremes, one can be at any point on the continuum, and this is quite normal. However, we are always pulled in one direction more than in another. We all have a “comfortable niche” where we function best. Jung believed that significant harm would be done to a child if he was pushed beyond the natural range of his temperament during his upbringing, since this is “violence against the innate predisposition of the individual.” He was convinced that this led to mental illness. However, Jung pointed out that other points on the continuum are available to us. And the ability to move around it can increase our awareness of the entire process. Jung believed that if a person functions outside of his natural niche (extroverted or introverted): additional energy is expended, and new energy is not generated. But if you learn to accumulate energy and thus create a reserve of it, then you can effectively use it in a less natural environment. The basic differences between introverts and extroverts are as follows.
Decoding the concepts: introvert, extrovert and ambivert
There are several basic personality characteristics that make each of us unique. These include the concepts of introversion and extraversion, which were identified by the famous psychologist G. Jung.
In the accepted classification, there are three types of people: introverts, extroverts and ambiverts. What characterizes each type and what is the difference?
Who is an introvert
Introvert
is a person who is turned inward. This type of personality is immersed in their emotions, experiences and thoughts.
Introversion is understood as a person’s orientation towards himself. This concept implies the predominance of the individual’s inner world over interest in the surrounding reality and other people.
Who is an extrovert
Extrovert
- this is a person who directs his interests to the outside world, turns more to other people than to himself. Extroverts are communicative, optimistic people, dependent on communication.
Extraversion is the process of expressing feelings, emotions and thoughts outward. The concept presupposes the direction of the inner world into objective reality, the outpouring of the content of the personality to the outside.
Who is an ambivert
Ambivert
is a person who combines the qualities of introversion and extroversion. At certain moments, a person listens to himself, wants to be alone, to reflect.
Under other circumstances, a person strives for communication and self-expression. In psychology, it is believed that an ambivert is the most stable and stable personality type, since it manages to avoid the extremes inherent in the other two types.
In a pure state, extroverts and introverts are not so common. Usually we can only talk about dominant personality traits.
How to determine your personality type?
The Eysenck test is one of the most popular and accurate methods for determining personality type and temperament; it contains 101 questions.
Description of scales:
- psychoticism
– determines the level of conflict; - extraversion
– shows the predominance of the introverted or extroverted type; - neuroticism
– determines the level of mental instability; - honesty
- the test contains 9 questions that help determine how truthful a person is and adequately evaluates himself.
How to determine temperament
| Type | Indicators |
| Sanguine | High scores on extraversion and low on neuroticism. |
| Phlegmatic person | Low values on the scale of neuroticism and extraversion. |
| Choleric | High levels of extraversion and neuroticism. |
| Melancholic | Low scores on the extraversion scale and high on the neuroticism scale. |
Characteristics of an introvert
It’s easy enough to recognize an introvert in any company. He can sit all evening with a glass of wine and contemplate what is happening around him, thinking about something of his own.
Such people rarely show their emotions; they are reserved and taciturn. Introverts give the impression of being calm people, but this is not entirely true. They are not used to venting their inner feelings on others. Introverts are more interested in understanding their experiences alone.
Positive traits of introversion include
:
- Independence from other people's opinions. An introvert's own value system is strong and unshakable. He is confident in his judgment and will not change his principles to please others.
- Stable external reactions. You can be sure that in the heat of a quarrel an introvert will not splash hot tea in his face.
- Thoughtfulness, perseverance, ability to take responsibility. An introvert often reflects, so he knows his strengths and weaknesses; he seeks support within himself, without appealing to others.
Introverts also have their disadvantages that hinder progress towards success.
:
- High level of sensitivity and self-criticism. The personality is prone to deep introspection and self-criticism, which adversely affects the psyche.
- Restraint of emotions, which can lead to psychosomatics. There are feelings that cannot be kept to yourself.
- Inability to make the right contacts, poor communication skills. An introvert has difficulty getting along with people and does not know how to ask for help. It is difficult for a person to build social relationships; she is indifferent to the opinions of other people. Negative traits hinder career development and adaptation in a changing external environment.
Pros and cons of extraversion and introversion
| Characteristics | Extrovert | Introvert |
| Positive | Good leader and speaker | Perseverance, determination, observation, balance, well-developed imagination and analytical skills. They know how to control emotions, always keep their word, and assess the situation realistically and sensibly. |
| Negative | Hot temper, restlessness, takes on several things at the same time, but does not complete them. They are easy to manipulate and easy to mislead. Superficial, do not delve into the essence of the matter, are only interested in the process. | Difficulty working in a team, perfectionism, secrecy, social anxiety. Introverts are workaholics, very strict managers, find it difficult to make compromises, and often get hung up on negative emotions. They do not know how to relax, which often becomes the cause of nervous and physical exhaustion, stress, and depression. |
Characteristics of an extrovert
An extrovert strives for publicity; he needs to participate in public events where there are large crowds of people. Such a person always strives to be the center of attention. At the party, we immediately recognize him: he actively communicates with all the guests, comes up with competitions and fun, and pulls us by the hand to dance.
All the energy of an extrovert goes outside, while an introvert tends to accumulate it. On the other hand, energy reserves are replenished through active communication with others. An extrovert can be easily identified by his direct gaze; in dialogue, he always looks into the eyes of his interlocutor.
The benefits of extraversion include:
:
- Openness and sociability. An extrovert will tell you everything about himself and will be happy to listen to your problems.
- Optimism and good nature. A person is always ready to help and is attentive to the needs of loved ones. He is not prone to judgment and moralizing.
- Active, wide range of interests. You will rarely find an extrovert at home on the couch. He is directed towards the outside world: today - a swimming pool, tomorrow - a cat show.
- A large number of friends and acquaintances, which helps in career advancement and business.
There are also negative aspects
:
- An extrovert literally wastes energy; without proper return, he can feel empty and lack of strength.
- During times of forced loneliness, a person cannot concentrate on himself and becomes depressed. It seems to him that “life is passing by.”
- Strong dependence on the opinions of other people.
- Expressed extroverts cannot be and live alone; if fate puts them in this position, then isolation becomes a problem. A person cannot even sleep in an empty apartment.
Sometimes extroverts give the impression of being superficial and frivolous people, incapable of introspection, which is not always true. An extrovert with a healthy psyche is quite capable of studying and adjusting his strengths and weaknesses.
Energy source
The main thing that distinguishes an introvert from an extrovert is the source of energy. Extroverts are energized by the outside world—actions, people, places, and things. They are energy wasters. Long periods of inactivity, inner contemplation, loneliness or communication with only one person deprive them of the sense of meaning in life. However, extroverts need to alternate times when they are most active with intervals of just being, otherwise they will get lost in the whirlwind of frantic activity. Extroverts express themselves easily, are results-oriented, and love crowds and action. Most of them love to communicate, engage in some kind of activity, work with people, and be in the thick of things and events. Contrary to popular belief, they do not necessarily have a light and cheerful character, but their focus is always outside their personality. Extroverts waste energy easily and often cannot stop. They quickly regain strength by doing something outside the home and organizing active leisure time. Extroverts may experience loneliness and feel empty when they have no contact with people or the outside world. They often find it difficult to relax and give their body a rest. Introverts, for their part, find a source of energy in their inner world of ideas, emotions and impressions. Contrary to the prevailing opinion about them, these are not necessarily quiet or reserved people. It’s just that the focus of their attention is within their own personality. They need a quiet place where they can think things through and recharge their batteries. They conserve energy. The outside world quickly puts them into a state of overstimulation, and they have an unpleasant feeling that there is “too much” of something. This can manifest itself in nervousness or, conversely, apathy. Therefore, introverts need to limit social contacts so as not to be completely devastated. However, they need to supplement the time spent alone with time spent in society, otherwise they may lose perspective, relationships with others, and generally connections with the outside world. Introverts who are able to balance their energy needs have resilience, tenacity, independent perspective, deep focus, and creative work.
Characteristics of an ambivert
Ambiversion involves a combination of the two personality types described above. Depending on the circumstances, a person is an extrovert or an introvert.
An ambivert can easily join any social group if necessary. However, he will not show that assertiveness and obsession inherent in an extrovert. A person listens to the emotions of others and tries not to offend, which distinguishes him from an introvert who is immersed only in his own experiences.
An ambivert's personality is open to communication, but he also knows how to listen without interrupting or making comments. Therefore, an ambivert has many acquaintances and has established long-term interpersonal contacts.
An ambivert can work independently or in a team with equal ease. For an extrovert, hard, monotonous work is always a burden; participation in a common cause is more important to him. An introvert, on the contrary, prefers to work alone, when no one distracts from the process.
These people are very flexible and adaptable. They subconsciously understand when to be active and when to remain silent. They always try to find a way out of difficult stories, without splashing out emotions like extroverts, but also without withdrawing into themselves like introverts.
An extrovert is a person who is “always with people”
An introvert lives “within himself,” occasionally experiencing a desire to learn something from the outside (from communicating with other people). An extrovert lives “outside” . He thinks of himself only as part of society. He easily makes contacts, knows how to win people over (or thinks he can). Also, people of this psychotype very easily and naturally express their emotions in public (they do not hide their feelings).
And he has been like this since childhood. Communicating is as easy for him as breathing. True, such people talk a lot more than they listen, but this is precisely their essence. It is very difficult for him to keep his emotions to himself, because they literally tear him apart. And all this has a real physiological basis.
Extroverts' brains are designed a little differently . Speech centers, centers for rapid information processing, and higher emotional sensitivity are more developed (they are brighter and more expansive). All this brain chemistry is perfectly illustrated in the first half of this video:
An extrovert can only succeed as a person in the eyes of society, which is why such people have very strongly developed ambition.
This is completely a “man of the crowd,” which means he must be able to follow its laws - be in trend, dress well, know how to present himself, be moderately generous and responsive. Their main feature is the ability to work in a team , which is extremely difficult for their opponents (introverts). Working in a team (where you can make a career) or working with people is the best area to use their natural sociability and initiative.
Naturally, among people of this psychotype there are different subtypes. These are cheerful optimists who love life and make the most of it. These are also careerists who, by establishing relationships, achieve a better position and various benefits. These are also romantics who need communication like air to maintain a positive emotional background (like Adamych from the Old New Year).
How to understand whether I am an introvert, an extrovert or an ambivert
To understand what type of personality you are, we suggest that you familiarize yourself with the characteristic features of each of them in a concentrated form.
| Personality type | Dominant characteristics |
| Introvert | Does not strive to get into noisy companies and public events. It is difficult and long to experience failures and setbacks. He speaks little and listens a lot. Lives in the world of his fantasies. Holds back emotions. Likes to philosophize. Gets attached forever, knows how to remain faithful. Has patience. Meticulous, observant, focuses on details. |
| Extrovert | Strives to make new acquaintances. Easy to climb. Sociable, talkative. Emotional. Everything that's inside instantly spills out. He puts himself on display and dreams of being the center of attention. Can't stand loneliness. Focuses on the opinions of others. |
| Ambivert | He understands the mood of other people well and is intuitive. Equally psychologically stable alone and in company. The choice is always made based on one’s own feelings. Able to adapt to external conditions. Depending on the situation, he becomes a participant or an observer. Expresses emotions in adequate doses, does not keep them to himself, but does not become hysterical. |
If you have any doubts about your affiliation, we suggest you take a short test.
Answer only “yes” or “no” to the following questions and statements.
:
- Do you need new places or people to be happy?
- Do you easily give up on original plans?
- Do you need the support of loved ones to make a decision?
- Does your excitement often give way to low mood?
- Do you act first and think later?
- Can you bet on anything when you're excited?
- Do you like to talk about yourself and your emotions?
- You don’t know what melancholy and melancholy are.
- Do you meet the opposite sex without false modesty?
- You don't worry about what you might have said or done inappropriately.
- Do you not return your thoughts to this or that task if it has already been done?
- You prefer not to dream, but to act.
- When choosing between reading a book and going to a party, you will choose the party.
- Are you like a fish in water in a big company?
- Do you like it when everyone's eyes turn to you?
- You do not know the feeling of guilt and remorse.
- You cannot stand monotonous routine activities.
- You love meetings where people joke with each other.
- You talk a lot and with pleasure.
- Your sleep is sound, no thoughts can interrupt it.
Let's start counting the results. If you answered yes to 10 or more questions, then your type is “extroverted.” The more “yes” answers, the more pronounced the typical characteristics of an extrovert are in a person. Think about whether you should learn to understand yourself and listen to your inner voice?
If there are less than 10 positive statements, you are an “introvert.” Is your number of “yes” approaching zero? Then introversion can become a problem. Ask a close friend to describe you from the outside. Most likely you have a gloomy appearance and drooping shoulders.
If the answers “yes” and “no” are approximately equal, congratulations, you are an ambivert. This is the most stable type that achieves the greatest success.
Reaction to external stimuli
The next difference between introverts and extroverts is their sense of external arousal and response to external stimuli. Extroverts are comfortable in an atmosphere of constant action. Extroverts like to experience more emotions and new experiences, while introverts like to know more about what they are experiencing. Introverts are characterized by a high degree of internal activity, and everything that comes from the outside world very quickly increases their level of tension. Introverts, often without even understanding why, try to regulate feelings of tension by limiting the flow of information from outside. Introverts don't mind challenges when they can focus on one or two activities and don't have to work under stress. But if there are too many things to do, they quickly feel overwhelmed. Just being around other people overstimulates introverts. Energy drains from them when they are in a crowd, classroom, or in a noisy, stressful environment. They may like people very much, but after talking with one person for a while, introverts usually feel a strong desire to leave, take a break, “get some air.” Extroverts also need breaks, but for different reasons. For example, if they go to the library, they spend very little time in a state of cognition (internal process) and soon begin to feel the need to walk between the stacks, go to the vending machines, and talk to people (external process). Interruptions in communication can increase arousal in extroverts and decrease it in introverts. Extroverts feel the need to recharge themselves the more they feel a lack of excitement within.
How can an introvert change his personality traits and become an extrovert?
First you need to answer the question: “Do I need to become an extrovert?” After all, the opposite type has many disadvantages that we mentioned. If a person is comfortable with an introverted existence, then there is no need to change anything.
When introversion has become a problem and a person has literally withdrawn into his experiences, you can work on the skills of an extrovert. It is problematic to do this on your own, since changing types is subject to adjustment with great difficulty. It's better to see a psychologist.
You can help yourself if you start listening more to what other people say. Try to overcome the desire to delve into yourself, look at the world around you, notice everything interesting and useful in it.
Don't hide your emotions, express them outside. If you are angry - show it, if you are happy - dance or sing. Discuss your feelings with people. Don't be afraid to look on the bad side. By and large, we are all similar to each other and experience the same emotions.
Go out into public, attend public events. Don't be shy about people, meet people, communicate more. You come to an exhibition - discuss new paintings with a random visitor, work out in the gym - ask your neighbor how he achieved such outstanding results.
Over time, extroverted skills will become a habit, and you will not feel awkward or displeased from communication.
Flexibility is key
It is important for HR managers and executives to take into account the personality types of employees in order to assign them those projects in which they will show their best sides, and not vice versa. For example, if you want an extrovert to do a great job at a task, you shouldn't give him a task that requires a lot of attention to detail.
Encourage introverts to be active when they show it, and make sure that there are not too many extroverts and that they do not irritate their colleagues.
But most importantly, remember that there are very few people who are extroverted or introverted. So don’t prioritize what type you or your colleagues are, but flexibility and mutual respect.
Behavior of introverts in society
As already written above, many may misinterpret the aloofness of introverts and mistake their behavior for arrogance, coldness and unfriendliness. These people just need time to get used to a new person.
A superficial explanation of any question will not be enough for an introvert; the deep meaning and reason are important to him, and he will get to the bottom of the truth.
Close people enjoy communicating with an introvert because he knows how to listen and empathize. Thanks to his deep inner world and desire to study every situation from all sides, he will be able to objectively assess the current situation and express a truthful opinion. Just be prepared for the fact that it may not match yours.
Introverts are creative people, their essence is manifested in creation. At the same time, the products of their creative activity can be both intangible results: ideas, texts, poems, and material objects: paintings, handicrafts and others.
No matter how strange it may sound, introverts love solitude. It is vital for them, since in society they spend a lot of energy, and in solitude they restore lost strength, comprehend what happened and draw conclusions. Introverts avoid noisy companies and, once at a party, they will disappear from view and retire to chat with one or two people.
Behavior of extroverts in society
There is a widespread opinion in society that, thanks to their ambition, sociability and high activity, extroverts achieve high results in work compared to their antipodes - thinking and judicious introverts. How do extroverts behave in life?
They attract people with their sociability and openness. These people easily adapt to current situations, despite the fact that planning is alien to them and they are characterized by spontaneity of decisions.
Just don’t mistake the spontaneity and openness of extroverts for superficiality. Like introverts, extroverts can have a rich inner world. They strive to achieve high results and direct all their accumulated knowledge, emotions and feelings to achieve their plans.
Extroverts openly express their emotions and feelings and willingly share their joys with the outside world.
They do not think about the motives of people’s behavior; directness and openness of actions are important to them. Often these individuals are surprised by their feelings and emotions and cannot explain them.
Extroverts do not know shyness and constantly make new acquaintances, establish new contacts and connections. They do not like the monotony of actions, this prevents them from realizing their ideas.
Extroverts easily express themselves in a team. Teamwork gives them pleasure.
