Who is an empath in simple words - 4 main signs

This article was developed under the heading: Psychology.

Section: Feelings.

Hello, dear readers! Empathy in psychology is considered as the ability to consciously understand the emotions and feelings of other people. An empathic person has compassion for everyone who needs comfort and rejoices with everyone else in moments of delight. Today we'll talk about empaths. And to be more specific:

• I will tell you in simple words what empathy is;
• We will take a psychological test to determine your level of empathy;
• I will give you 40 character traits of an empathic person;
• Let's find out what types of empathy there are;
• Let's talk about how to behave with an empathic person;
• And how to develop this amazing ability to feel the state of another person.

Empaths are very precious people!

What is empathy

In simple words, empathy is the ability to empathize, sympathize with another person, any living creature and even a plant.

Moreover, such empathy is a conscious action. The person remains in the real world and also looks at the situation or some things realistically. An empath is a person who (empathetic) consciously projects the feelings of another onto himself. He not only shares his feelings with someone, he is able to understand the depth:

• grief;
• joy;
• despair and melancholy;
• fear.

To one degree or another, empathy is characteristic of all people. Surprisingly, psychologists around the world believe that most hardened criminals - murderers, robbers, maniacs, all of them have a very strong empathic ability.

When answering a survey about who these empaths are, we can say that they are all of us. It’s just that each person has a different level of it. Thus, a young mother may experience the pain and fear of a child who will have to stay in an unfamiliar place for the first time. For example, in kindergarten, alone, without her support. At the same time, the child’s father may not experience such fear. He does not have a high enough level of empathic abilities. Which does not allow you to feel the situation and apply it to yourself. He simply does not feel how scary it is for a baby who is left without parents for the first time.

Empathy works best with people close to you. We empathize with them the most. However, not all people are empaths. Some, no matter how much they want, cannot sympathize in such a way that this someone really feels supported.

Interestingly, empaths are able to empathize and react sharply not only to events that occur in the same reality as them. They can even empathize with the characters of a work or film. They are easy to spot in the cinema hall - they cry after the show (they are in a bad mood if the ending of the film seemed sad) or, on the contrary, they laugh loudest of all. The same thing happens when reading books. So, if on the subway you see a person holding a book in his hands, smiling from ear to ear or vice versa, you probably have a very strong empath in front of you.

Empathy is inherent in every person to one degree or another!

Positive and negative sides of empathy

In the article, we have already talked about the positive aspects of empathy: success in negotiations, a positive emotional climate at home and at work, and good self-esteem.

But, like any thing, empathy has a reverse, “dark” side, namely:

1. Strong emotional and nervous stress . A person constantly passes through the problems and pain of others as if it were his own business. He suffers, worries, wastes his energy and emotions.
2. Strong empaths take responsibility for everything in the world . They believe that they are obligated to help everyone, and if this does not work out, they feel guilty. The desire to help extends not only to family and friends, but also to strangers.
3. A person suffers from an extreme degree of altruism, i.e. helps another to the detriment of oneself . In this regard, their problems and troubles accumulate, and, as a rule, no one is in a hurry to help.

In addition, high empaths simply physically cannot say rudeness in response to rudeness and hurt the person who offended them. Therefore, sometimes people give the impression of being weak and weak-willed, although this is not at all the case.

Many people use this feature when solving personal issues. There are very few true HSPs (highly sensitive people) and they need to be protected.

The Scientific Explanation of Empathy

The term empathy, unlike, for example, the term “compassion,” is not associated with a specific emotion, denoting the fact of empathy for any emotional state, regardless of its nature. The introduction of this term into the scientific community was due to Edward Titchener and Sigmund Freud. In 1905, Freud defined the ability to empathize as the ability to put oneself in the patient's situation in order to better understand him and obtain material for comparison. Freud compared his own state during the period of empathy with the state of the person he was experiencing.

Over the years, scientists have discovered that the level of empathic abilities depends on the mechanism that triggers them. So they distinguish:

• Emotional empathy associated with the desire to project and imitate the motor and affective reactions of another person;
• Cognitive empathy, manifested in people who are able to compare, draw similar parallels, and use intellectual abilities in their usual activities;
• Predictive empathy, based on a particular person’s ability to predict another person’s reaction to a given situation.

Read more about the types of empathy below. Its special forms are empathy, as the opportunity to experience the same emotions as another person. And sympathy, which manifests itself in the form of expressing one’s state regarding the experiences that have gripped another person. Examples of empathy can be easily observed in everyday life, for example, on public transport.

Empathy applies to the entire spectrum of feelings!

Rules for controlling the ability to empathize

In psychology there is a concept called “empathic fatigue.” It affects people whose jobs involve compassion and empathy every day: medical personnel, social service workers, rescuers. Faced with blood, pain and death every day, such people experience emotional empathic burnout syndrome.

If a person feels that he is an HSP and is gradually becoming emotionally exhausted, then preventive measures should be taken on “mental hygiene”.

You should learn to control and restrain your emotions. Move from identical suffering to rational help. Try to help the person in a detached manner, without letting his grief pass through you.

Empaths tend to be embarrassed to ask for help themselves. There is no need to do this. If you are in trouble, find yourself in a difficult situation, or just need someone to cry to, then feel free to contact people. You have helped many, let them help you too. It will happen that your imaginary loved ones will not want to sympathize, analyze whether you are wasting your life on people who will not tear themselves away from the sofa for you. Think rationally!

Avoid watching programs that will evoke emotions of sadness and compassion. Your films are comedies!

To gain energy, follow the banal rules: get enough sleep, spend time in nature, eat right.

Brief characteristics of an empath

In short, an empath is a person who will always find the right words of consolation and support, cry and laugh with you, listen, and help if necessary. It’s good to have such a friend or girlfriend, a loved one. Let's talk about the signs of an empath by which he can easily be identified in more detail.

Empaths make great friends!

Willingness to help

Empathy manifests itself in the desire to provide help if it is needed. An empath helps selflessly. He likes to see how the situation improves, how thanks to him a person has the strength to live, create, and work. Such people do not expect gratitude and never take offense at those who “do not remember kindly.” True, there are exceptions. Some empaths use their ability to improve their self-esteem. But the feeling of moral satisfaction is more of a pleasant bonus than what a person strives for when helping a friend or even a stranger.

Empathy is almost always a selfless character trait!

Listening skills

People love to talk about themselves and their own problems. At the same time, not being delighted by anyone else’s attempts to complain about life or talk about the difficulties that have arisen. The exception is empaths. These people are the best listeners you can imagine. They have no desire to judge the narrator or lecture him. On the contrary, they will find words with which they can explain even the most unsightly act. And in such a way that you will immediately feel better. You will feel important and your mood will improve. Empaths are excellent advisors.

You definitely have at least one empath among your friends. Remember your friends!

Active empathy

Empaths experience the suffering of others as if they were their own. They don’t sleep, they are depressed, they lose their appetite. From infancy, an empathic child should be taught to control his own emotions. Otherwise, his ability to empathize with others will be to his detriment.

Empaths care about you as if they were themselves! If not even more!

Ability to reflect

It is important to learn to reflect; many empaths do this quite well. Therefore, they not only understand others well, reading their emotions, but also themselves. Self-analysis helps to cope with the emotions adopted from another person. And don't let them overwhelm you.

Correctly interpreting your feelings is about them!

What are the signs that a person has empathy?

In addition to several types, experts also identify signs of empathy.

✔️ Showing empathy in the desire to help. Every person from time to time finds himself in a situation where he needs support.

In the event of emotional upheaval, we tend to lose self-control and adequately assess what is happening. The presence of someone who will serve as a support during such a period is a vital necessity.

✔️ If someone has the ability to empathize, he strives to help. At the same time, he does this willingly, without expecting gratitude. Selfless friendship is one example that demonstrates how people show empathy towards each other.

The ability to empathize and sympathize with others manifests itself regardless of whether a person has received gratitude and appreciation in return. An empathetic person uses his character traits to increase self-esteem. This brings him moral satisfaction.

✔️ The feeling of empathy is adjacent to the ability to listen to other people. Most of us can spend hours talking about our problems and talking about personal experiences. At the same time, the interlocutor remains in the shadows, and any attempt to do the same is suppressed during the “conversation”, or rather, a monologue.

✔️ An empathetic person is observant, he notices emotions and listens to words. And he does this without judgment or the desire to lecture him in response. Even for a bad deed, he will try to find, if not an excuse, then at least an explanation. Next to such a person, the interlocutor feels important and this has a beneficial effect on mood and increases self-esteem. He feels that he will receive not only support, but also practical advice.

✔️ Sincerity and empathy. The depth of these experiences depends on the degree of empathy. Feeling someone else's pain as if it were your own brings real suffering, depriving the empath of appetite and sleep. Sometimes, from too deep experiences, he falls into a state similar to depression. Managing your emotions is just as important as having empathy. A natural quality given to people can be beneficial or harmful, depending on how it is used.

Examples of empathy in psychology

In addition to developing the skill itself, you need to pay attention to controlling it. Being overly immersed in other people's emotions can lead to empathy fatigue.

A striking example of empathy in psychology from life is people working in areas related to saving others. Doctors and rescuers face physical and mental suffering every day. Seeing death and pain, they are on the verge of emotional (empathic burnout). Sometimes so-called professional deformation occurs - from a sympathetic savior a person turns into a cynical and cold specialist. This is how the instinct of self-preservation works.

An example from life where empathy is necessary is the pedagogical sphere. Teachers and educators simply must have this quality. Not all adults know how to communicate with children, and some are even afraid of them. It's all about vivid emotions and undeveloped control over feelings. Teachers feel the psychological mood of each child and help him cope with emotions. Those who are characterized by increased empathy often choose professions related to communication and helping.

An empathic person, with the necessary knowledge, can make a career in any field. The ability to control your feelings is an important component. You need to learn to restrain the emotions that rush out at the sight of other people's suffering and delight. Help needs to be provided while distancing slightly. By letting deep grief pass through your psyche, you can deplete all the resources necessary for life.

Empathy in psychology is a narrow scientific concept that is part of a larger phenomenon called “sympathy.” The term is of Greek origin and translates as “suffering.” Empathy is not always associated specifically with the emotional sphere. Sometimes the term is applied to intellectual actions.

The doctor diagnosing the patient shows empathy by listening to his words and description of symptoms.

The ability to empathize is a normal human quality. It has gradations from a light emotional response to a deep immersion in the world of another person. It is believed that interaction occurs through reading information from gestures, facial expressions, and intonation. An important condition is that an empath must understand and realize that he is reacting to other people’s emotions and not identify himself with the object of sympathy.

What types of empathy is divided into?

It was already mentioned above that, depending on the reason, several types of empathy are distinguished. It is worth learning about each of them in more detail; such information will be useful to everyone. Because there are very few people who are absolutely devoid of empathy.

It should be mentioned that a person can use several types of empathy at the same time. But it happens that he is completely unable to understand the moods and feelings of those around him, and this leads to unpleasant consequences.

Basically, psychologists divide empathy into 3 types.

Cognitive empathy

This type of empathy is shown by people who have learned not only to empathize with an object showing a certain emotion, but also to analyze those actions or words, the situation that became the primary source of such emotion. Carrying out the necessary analytical operations, the empath actively uses the feelings that he experienced in the past, as well as his own experience. He carefully observes the interlocutor, taking into account his facial expressions, gestures, intonation of voice and even the expression of his eyes. Cognitive empaths have a good understanding of people, which helps them better build relationships with colleagues at work and at home.

They do this even during the first conversation!

Emotional empathy

An empath is so deeply immersed in the personality of another person that at a certain point in time he can lose himself. And even lose self-control, replace the interlocutor. Such empaths have a special nervous system. All emotions of others, especially if they are strong, are perceived as their own. This kind of empathic ability often gets in the way of people. They are constantly stressed and on the verge of a nervous breakdown. An emotional empath becomes unsettled even after listening to a news show or reading a book.

Such empaths need to learn to control their abilities, otherwise they may even cause harm!

Predicative empathy

The most convenient type of empathy for the owner. Predictive empaths are able to predict people's reactions to various stimuli. They are guided by logic, common sense and the instinct inherent in them by nature itself. They can understand how the interlocutor will act in a specific situation even before it arises. This helps to never invade someone else's personal space and avoid related conflicts.

Any of the species will perfectly feel all your experiences.

The evolution of scientific approaches to the study of empathy

The phenomenon of empathy has been studied for a long time: initially it was considered within the framework of philosophy and had a completely different name, then it was studied within the framework of scientific psychology, and only after many years an integrative approach emerged, according to which the concept of “empathy” is interpreted to this day.

Empathy as a phenomenon of cognition

Initially, the phenomenon that is now called empathy arose within the framework of philosophy. The German philosopher Theodor Lipps wondered how it is possible to know objects and phenomena of the surrounding reality, especially the consciousness of other people, if we only have our own consciousness. He came to the conclusion that when we see the state or action of someone else, a kind of imitation of reality arises in our minds, which causes sensations, as a result of which we begin to experience emotions or feelings that we attribute to the object we are observing.

In simple words, Theodor Lipps understood that we know others only through our own feelings and nothing else: in this case, feelings become both an instrument of knowledge and its source. Theodor Lipps called this phenomenon the word Einfühlung, which translated into Russian means “feeling.”

The German philosopher Wilhelm Dilthey shared Lipps's views and came to the conclusion that since psychology is the science of the human psyche and, in particular, his experiences, then the method of psychology should be nothing more than “empathy,” i.e. empathy is, in psychology, putting oneself in the place of another person with the goal of understanding and “sharing” his thoughts and feelings. This idea served as the basis for considering “feeling” within the framework of psychology [T. Karyagina, 2013].

Empathy as a communication phenomenon

The German psychiatrist Karl Jaspers identified “empathy” as one of the main methods of phenomenological psychiatry, followed by the American psychoanalyst Heinz Kohut who also developed Dilthey’s idea in his works.

Soon, interest in “feeling” in scientific circles was reduced to almost nothing, but theories of sympathy began to rapidly develop, according to which there are feelings that connect people in the process of interaction: sympathy, care, pity, friendliness, altruism, etc.

The term “sympathy” served as a kind of prototype of empathy, and the Anglo-American psychologist Edward Titchener translated the word Einfühlung as “empathy” by analogy with it: since sympathy is “with feelings,” then empathy is “into feelings.”

Soon, the American psychologist Carl Rogers outlined the value of empathic abilities in psychotherapeutic work and in the personal development of a person as such.

As a result of the development of ideas about empathy as a phenomenon of cognition, on the one hand, and as communication, on the other, it became a dual concept [T. Karyagina, 2013].

An Integrative Approach to Empathy

As a result of considering empathy as a phenomenon of cognition and attitude, its understanding by science has reached a qualitatively new level: empathy began to be perceived as the ability to comprehend the emotional state of other people and respond emotionally.

More specifically, empathy is, in simple words, the human ability to:

• read (recognize or identify) the emotional state of other people;
• identify this state with your personal feelings and emotions;
• give an emotional response to the received feelings and emotions, aimed at benefiting the person whose emotional state has been read.

As we can see, the essence of empathy is to understand another person by focusing on his emotions and feelings: to understand a person, it is necessary to analyze not what he thinks, says or does, but what he feels. Only by concentrating on internal experiences, and not on external manifestations, can we truly understand each other and provide each other with help and support.

Let us explain the scheme by which empathy “unfolds”:

• our own feelings help us understand by analogy what another person feels;
• understanding the feelings of another person allows us to understand him (to know his true essence);
• a deep understanding of the essence of a person gives us the opportunity to act in such a way as to support and help him.

At the same time, empathy can have two directions and be used both to help other people and for one’s own benefit:

• Humanistic empathy is when a person uses his emotions and feelings that arise from awareness of another person's distress or well-being to support him. This manifests itself in the form of joy, compassion, empathy, pity, etc.
• Egocentric empathy is that a person uses information received about the emotional state of another to assess his own well-being. So, for example, awareness of the joy of another can lead a person to the understanding that he is unhappy, and awareness of someone else’s fear can lead to one’s own peace of mind [A. Rean, 2003].

It is important to note that integral features of empathy are altruistic forms of response and a general positive attitude in communicating with people. Therefore, cases in which a person uses the ability to understand the emotions of others to achieve his own selfish goals do not constitute empathy.

Empathy can be accomplished in two main ways:

• Emotional empathy involves the use of projection and imitation mechanisms (a person projects a situation onto himself and tries to experience it “in his own skin”).
• Cognitive empathy occurs through intellectual processes (a person makes analogies and comparisons mentally, trying to logically understand what the other is feeling).

When studying the phenomenon of empathy, it is important to pay attention to its two main forms:

• empathy allows you to experience emotions and experience your own feelings about the emotional states of other people;
• empathy involves the subject experiencing the emotional states of another by identifying himself with him.

Thus, as we said in the introduction of our article, empathy is not synonymous with the word “sympathy,” which is only one of its forms.

Now that we understand the essence of empathy, let's look at the mechanisms that underlie its emergence and development.

Levels of empathy in psychology

The ability to empathize is inherent in all people. But not everyone actively uses it. And some don't even know about its existence. To test the level of empathy, psychologists use special psychological tests for empathy. The most popular testing methods were developed by I. Yusupov and A. Mehrabyan. We also developed such a test. You can find out your level of empathy below.

The implication is that everyone has empathy. Some people just have more and some have less.

High level of empathy

People with high levels of empathy feel other people's emotions more strongly than their own. Because of this, their psyche suffers. They end their days in a psychiatric clinic. Fortunately, a high level of empathy is not common; the condition is easily identified and corrected by a psychologist.

This is called hyperempathy. It is characterized by:

• Excessive generosity. He will give away his last shirt. And to support a friend in trouble, he will walk tens of kilometers;
• Amazing sincerity;
• Immunity to insults. He does not remember evil and often steps on the same rake.

This level is also characterized by softness of character, which is often perceived as weakness and a good chance for manipulation. A gentle person is a godsend for scammers and people trying to shift their responsibilities onto the shoulders of others.

Such people themselves are very vulnerable. Appreciate them!

Average level of empathy

Most mentally healthy individuals have the ability to empathize to one degree or another. Therefore, we can say that half of the world's population is at an average level of empathy. Which manifests itself in the following forms:

• The desire to listen and understand the interlocutor;
• The ability to put oneself in the place of another, to imagine his emotions;
• Understanding and empathizing with the suffering of others.

Average empaths are balanced and mentally healthy. Unlike people with a higher level, they worry less and are able to control their own feelings. They don't let someone else's perception of the situation ruin their mood.

Most people on the planet belong to the average level!

Low level of empathy

Lyuli with a low level of empathy are also mentally healthy. However, they are not able to empathize with anyone. Other people's tears and even laughter don't touch them much. They rarely show their own emotions. An empath's primary thoughts and feelings are focused on themselves. And he doesn't care about others. The reason for the low level of empathy should be sought in undeveloped behavioral skills.

A person who does not know how to communicate quickly gets lost in a new team. He develops negative feelings towards those around him who are trying to stir him up. The result is disappointment in work and leaving for a place where you don’t need to communicate with people. People who lack even average empathy are often (but not always) called introverts. That is, withdrawn into themselves. They try to stay away from old people and children, they scare them. And also from areas of activity in which communication becomes the key to success. For such empaths, negative emotions are mainly associated with criticism. They just can't stand it. But the outburst of anger associated with an unpleasant word spoken to the empath quickly passes.

People with low levels of empathy may not notice another person's problems at all!

How to find out your level of empathy

You can assess your level of empathy yourself, but it is difficult, and the assessment may not be objective. Therefore, special tests, which were already mentioned at the beginning of the section, will help you find out your level. Our team of psychologists, especially for you, has developed just such a test. After passing this test, you will find out your level and also receive a short description.

What signs indicate the existence of empathy?

Signs of empathy are:

Full readiness to support

Each of us may need support and comfort. There are many difficult and unforeseen situations in life, and not everyone is ready to endure them steadfastly and adequately. Having a strong shoulder nearby, capable of not only sympathizing, but also providing real help, is one of the conditions for overcoming the crisis and minimizing psychological trauma.

A person with a high level of empathy always strives to help, to do everything in his power. He will arrive at night to give you a pill, he will rush to pick up a comrade who has gone on a spree from the police, and he will not leave a dog or other animal to die on the road.

Without receiving any return in return, such an individual still continues to do good deeds, thereby strengthening his self-esteem.

Ability to hear your interlocutor

We have met people who like to talk only about themselves and their problems. They will listen to us reluctantly and again turn the topic to their loved ones.

If there is empathy, a person notices our every word. There is not even a shadow of condemnation in it, there are no moral teachings or moralizations. Even if a morally bad act is committed, an empath will find the right words and support.

The interlocutor understands that his problems are important and significant, which means he himself is interesting and needed. A sincere person will always give real and useful advice based on what he hears.

Sincere sympathy

Empathy involves sincere and open empathy. You can give advice and help with a cold heart, without being imbued with the misfortune of another. And you can feel the pain as if it were your own.

Highly empathetic individuals can suffer no less than their wards, forget about peace and sleep until the situation is resolved. They cry when experiencing touching or tragic scenes from films, and then cannot forget them for a long time.

Test to determine the level of empathy

Time is Up!

Time's up

In fact, everyone can analyze themselves and roughly understand their level.

Is it possible to develop empathy?

If you wish, empathy can be cultivated in yourself.

This should be done for several reasons

:

• it will become much easier to negotiate with other people in the professional sphere;
• there will be an opportunity to have close friends nearby;
• self-esteem will be increased;
• empathy gives rise to creativity and creativity;
• An empath is very difficult to deceive; he senses insincerity.

Is empathy good or bad?

Empathy is neither good nor bad. This is what a person is born with or what he acquires as he grows up and communicates with other people. Of course, being overly sensitive to other people's emotions is not very pleasant, but such people always have many friends. And also, by listening to others, advising, grieving and rejoicing with others, they make this world a little better.

People whose sense of empathy is poorly developed also have nothing to be sad about. The nervous system of introverts is stronger and works better. This means that if a truly difficult situation arises, you will be able to use all its resources to the fullest. Takei people will survive stress with fewer losses.

Without empathy, we wouldn't be human at all!

How is empathy diagnosed?

Diagnosis of the level of empathy is carried out using tests, the number of which is huge today. These tests are available to anyone on the Internet.

The technology for determining the level of empathy is identical for all tests: a series of questions are proposed that must be answered honestly (after all, no one can see you). Based on the results of the answers, the level of empathy will be assessed.

The most common is the express method of I. Yusupov. Its essence lies in the assessment of several judgments that, at first glance, are not related to empathy. For example: “Young people must satisfy any eccentricities of old people,” “A person gets out of a difficult conflict situation on his own,” etc. Based on the answers, a conclusion will be drawn about the level of empathy.

How to develop empathy

Being an empath is not as bad as not feeling anything. It is worth repeating that there are no completely insensitive and at the same time mentally healthy people. There are people with low levels of empathy. But with some effort, it can be increased.

Now I will give you tips on the easiest way to develop empathy!

Expand your social circle

To increase your sensitivity to other people's emotions, communicate with more people. How can a person understand that he can sympathize and empathize or not, if his circle of communication is limited to close relatives and store clerks? Expand your social circle. Include, for example, your housemates, Instagram followers, and work colleagues. It should be remembered that communicating with a large number of people is always associated with stress. Therefore, I do not advise you to suddenly go out into the world.

This is difficult, but very important!

Learn to listen and hear

If a friend tells a completely uninteresting book, movie, TV series, or once again retells the story of how she met her future husband, you really want to interrupt her and tell her about your own problems. But what makes you think that your story will be more interesting? Perhaps because what is told will concern you yourself. Touch your interests, feelings and desires. A person with a low level of empathy will interrupt a friend's story without regret, refusing to respond to any complaints related to it. An empath of medium and high level, if other circumstances do not prevent this (you need to rush to catch the bus, go to pick up the children at school), will definitely listen to the end. And he will even give advice if needed. To become just such an empath, learn to listen and develop patience and understanding that the other person is no less important. After all, it is not always good to indulge your own selfishness.

This may also seem difficult, but this is only at the beginning. Then you will be sucked in!

Read works of fiction

Fiction books are filled with the experiences of the characters. D'Artagnan sobs at the body of the deceased Constance. The royal general Richard, the hero of Daphne du Maurier's book, is angry at the nobles who did not support his plan to liberate Cornwall. Young Elizabeth feels deeply unhappy that Mr. Darcy did not appreciate the beauty of her sisters. The more works like this you read, the better empath you will become. The main thing is to choose the right books, whose characters really make you want to empathize with them. It will not be possible to develop your feelings with the help of a work that fails to interest you.

This is probably the simplest thing.

Communicate in stressful situations

Many introverts avoid any stressful situations. They run away from crying people and never rush to be the first to console a child who has broken his knee. The next time you want to act in the same way again, overcome yourself and stay where you are. Perhaps you will be able to go further and even communicate with a person who is not experiencing the most positive emotions.

Interestingly, low-level empaths also run away from positive feelings. Therefore, if a friend invited you to a party, and your work colleagues are throwing a party, it is necessary and important for you to go there.

And this moment is the most important!

Developing Empathy

To develop your empathic abilities, you need to develop communication skills and gain experience interacting with completely different people. There are many effective methods for increasing your empathy potential, but today we will highlight just a few of them.

Learn to understand and deal with your own emotions and feelings

Use emotion cards for this: write down a list of all existing emotions on a piece of paper and write next to each the situations when you experienced them. Or keep a “diary of feelings” and throughout the day write down what emotions and feelings you experienced, what events led you to this. This way you will learn to recognize emotions and the reasons for their occurrence.

Expand your circle of contacts

To increase empathy, you need to understand people better. This can only be done if you communicate with completely different people: gender, age, nationality, social and financial status, views, interests, temperament, character, etc. Most people interact primarily with those who are similar to them, but in this case, expressing empathy is much easier. Try to get to know and understand those who are radically different from you.

Spend more time on live communication

The rapid development of information technology is increasingly leading to the fact that communication is moving online. However, communication in this format serves to distort the understanding of other people and regress empathic abilities, because we do not see the true emotions of those around us, but only observe what they are trying to show us with one or another “emoji” or even attribute to each phrase the emotional message that seems correct to us. Only live communication can teach a person to recognize other people’s emotions correctly.

Practice active empathic listening

Concentrate your attention on what the person wants to convey to you, and not on what you yourself think about this, i.e. give up judgment. Don't be distracted by extraneous stimuli: put down your phone, don't look around, maintain eye contact, don't interrupt the speaker, etc. And be sure to ask clarifying questions to better understand what the person really wants to tell you. This will allow you to learn how to establish trust with people and understand them better.

Use the technique of reflecting or mirroring emotions

After you listen to your interlocutor, try to retell what he was trying to convey to you, focusing on his emotions. Show the person that you understand how they felt: do this in both verbal and non-verbal ways. This will allow you to properly support and empathize with the person.

All of the above recommendations will help you increase the level of your empathic abilities when directly in contact with emotional states. However, there are a number of ways to learn empathy indirectly:

• Train your attention . Learn to concentrate on the little things. This way you can learn to recognize the slightest manifestations of other people’s emotional states.
• Read fiction and watch films with a psychological twist. This will help you better understand how other people feel in certain situations, and what external manifestations these feelings lead to.
• Play board games. For example, “Imaginarium” will help you track other people’s thoughts, and “Mafia” will also teach you to recognize lies.
• Take acting classes or practice the “role reversal” technique. This will allow you to literally “put yourself in the other person’s shoes” and understand how they feel.
• Read Julia Gippenreiter’s book “Communicate with your child. How?" Using clear examples of parent-child communication, it will help you understand how to communicate with absolutely anyone.

To summarize, we can say that empathy plays a major role in communicating with other people. A low level of empathy “separates” a person from other people, prevents him from building harmonious relationships with others and affects the overall level of his personal development. Moderately developed empathy gives a person the ability to communicate with other people, but does not allow them to fully establish mutual understanding and provide the necessary help and support to others.

And only highly developed empathy is sufficient to remain a “human” in any situation and to be truly conscious in one’s words and actions towards other people, so each of us should strive for this level.

However, it is important to note that highly developed empathy has its downside: if a person does not know how to control his own emotional states, but at the same time is sensitive to the emotions of other people, this can lead to personal distress or emotional deregulation - the emergence of a strong negative reaction to the experiences of another person , which manifests itself in the form of anger, anxiety, aggressiveness, irritation, sadness, etc.

Personal distress can have an extremely negative impact on a person and lead to difficulties in socialization, various psychological traumas and psychosomatic diseases. The fact is that “emotional infection” by other people’s negative emotions, which a person cannot cope with, leads to the fact that he loses the ability to achieve the main goal of empathy - the correct response to the feelings of another person, because stops thinking about the feelings of other people, and his only goal is not to provide support, but to help himself.

In most cases, personal distress results in a person simply avoiding the source of negative emotions and feelings, but if this is not possible, the consequences can be much more dire than simply failing to provide support to another [T. Karyagina, 2013].

Therefore, it is extremely important not only to develop an understanding of other people, but also to manage your own mental states. And our online program “Mental Self-Regulation” will certainly help you with this, which will allow you to master the best scientific techniques for managing emotions and relaxation.

We wish you success and sincerely believe that you will be able to develop your ability to empathize to the highest level! We also suggest taking a short test to consolidate your knowledge:

We also recommend reading:

• Storytelling
• Humanistic theories of personality: what to take from history to modern times
• 6 Skills to Develop Emotional Intelligence
• Circle of Empathy
• How to Train Empathy: 6 Scientific Methods
• Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg
• Machism: Ernst Mach's contribution to the development of the philosophy of positivism
• What is consciousness?
• 10 Linguistic Concepts Everyone Should Know About
• Hellinger constellations: an effective method or a hidden threat?
• The SERVQUAL model is an effective way to measure service

Key words: 1 Communication, 1 Psychoregulation

Tips if you are an empath

If you are already an empath, then it is important for you to remember the following simple rules that will make your life much easier:

• Loneliness is not always a bad thing; devoting all your free time to other people will burn you out and even drive you crazy;
• The emotions that overwhelm you can be expressed in dance, drawing, song;
• Dream! Sometimes it’s useful to dream, even if it’s about the impossible;
• Don't limit yourself to important things. This will lead you to depression;
• It is impossible to always do only what is interesting. But since it is interest that fuels your desire to complete a particular task, before you start work, understand why a particular task is interesting.
• Communicate more with animals. Go for a walk in the park or forest. This will help you cope with the burden of emotions.

Stick to the rules and you will feel better!

Negative side

It would seem, what could be negative about understanding and feeling other people? It's like a third eye! But psychologists say that it is empaths who often turn to them for help, since they tend to often delve into and immerse themselves in the feelings of others, and this creates a strong emotional burden .

In addition, the very conscientious of them believe that they are responsible for the condition of those around them, since they are able to understand them well (unlike others). It would be nice if this only manifested itself in relation to loved ones, but they often try to help people they don’t know at all, which takes a lot of their energy and time.

In addition, many empaths are prone to altruism, so they focus more on the problems of other people and forget about their personal experiences. As a result, they remain unheard and cannot turn to others for help. They are left with someone else’s and their own negativity inside. They neglect themselves.

Problems also arise if empaths occupy some kind of leadership position. It is difficult for them to give harsh instructions or negative assessments of the work of subordinates, because they know how negatively this is perceived by them (in fact, they will flog themselves in this way). Therefore, such bosses can make concessions, knowing the specifics of a particular person.

Empathic thinking forces you to pay a lot of attention to the context (emotional background) of the conversation, and not just its essence. Such people always try to understand (get to the bottom of) what a person really wanted to say or do. This develops a trait called suspiciousness and leads to spending a lot of time thinking about unimportant details.

for compassionate empaths to watch news on TV and on the Internet, because they filter everything through themselves and take it to heart. The same can be said about relationships: friendly and loving. They are too sympathetic, and not every heart can withstand universal sadness.

Who to turn to if empathy is difficult to live with

Empaths are frequent guests in the office of a psychologist or psychotherapist. They are often thrown out of their usual rut by the weight of guilt for not being able to help someone. Depression and nervous disorders of various levels invariably visit those who are too carried away by other people's emotions.

It is important to contact a specialist in time who can teach you how to cope with overwhelming feelings. He will convince you that it is impossible to empathize with everyone with the same degree of depth. That you shouldn't be too upset that the main character of the book didn't get what he wanted. And the neighbor got into trouble.

Don't be afraid to consult a psychologist!

Mechanisms of emergence and development of empathy

Science explains the phenomenon of empathy by the presence of mirror neural networks, thanks to which, when observing the actions and states of other people, the parts of our own brain that are responsible for performing these actions or feeling these states are excited.

Empathy is based on a person’s understanding of emotions and feelings, therefore its main development occurs in the preschool period: young children begin to actively empathize with other people from the age of 3, and at the age of 4-6 years, the child’s basic empathy manifests itself in relation not only to loved ones, but and to all people in principle.

Already at the age of 5, a child can not only feel, but also reproduce the emotional experiences of others and associate them with certain actions. At the same age, children begin to distinguish emotions by expressive signs (facial expressions, pantomime, etc.), while verbal functions play a special role in recognition and understanding. The child most clearly recognizes and understands negative emotions.

During the preschool period, children also develop an understanding of more complex emotions associated with the development of feelings of a different order, which include aesthetic, intellectual, practical and higher (moral) feelings. Then the child begins to understand that sometimes emotions can be ambivalent, i.e. a person can simultaneously experience two contradictory feelings, and also that emotions are not always caused only by external factors, but sometimes they are influenced by internal, subjective factors.

In preschool age, empathy manifests itself in a quite vivid, one might say, even acute, form. Moreover, it is almost always embodied in the child’s actions: if he is happy for another, he may rush to hug him, if he is jealous of someone, he will definitely complain, etc.

It is important to note that a child’s emotional learning comes with serious difficulties; moreover, its results are much less stable than learning motor and sensory skills. But unstable manifestations of emotional responsiveness are a sign of the presence of pathology of varying severity.

Social factors play a special role in the formation of empathy. The sociality of emotions lies in the fact that they are acquired in the process of interaction with other people, and then on their basis the child’s perception of social norms and values, as well as “emotional standards” is formed, which for the rest of his life almost entirely determines how he relates to himself, communicates with other people and behaves in society. For example, a lack of understanding of social emotions can lead to aggressive behavior or increased levels of anxiety, which persist into adulthood.

Researchers identify two main reasons that lead to emotional disturbances and reduce the level of empathy: unfavorable relationships with other people and the child’s own world of experiences.

There are also a number of serious pathologies, the main symptoms of which are a complete lack of empathy and/or its impairment: autism, psychopathy and narcissistic personality disorder. Impaired empathy is found in the clinical picture of not only the above diseases, but in them it is most pronounced and is one of the main symptoms.

However, even among those people who are born with the ability to empathize, its level varies significantly.

Why is it difficult for an empath to find a partner?

Some empaths have a hard time finding a partner. This is related to:

1. A reverent attitude towards personal space. People who are overloaded with other people's emotions sometimes need a break from everyone, including their partner. Not everyone agrees to treat a life partner with respect and understanding who periodically disappears for several hours. Goes for a walk alone or locks himself in his own room.
2. Excessive vulnerability of empaths. They always think before they say something and expect the same thoughtful attitude from you.
3. Empaths do not accept superficial feelings; they need to give themselves completely.
4. You need to believe in an empath and constantly support him. Criticism is poorly received.

If an overly sensitive nature does not want to receive guests, go to a friend’s house, or generally communicate with anyone, you should not force it. An empath can easily become the life of the party, but only if he wants it himself. He certainly needs communication. But not imposed from the outside. Also, lying is never a good foundation for a relationship. And in relation to empaths, it is also dangerous, since such people definitely will not tolerate liars. Conflict cannot be avoided.

Thus, the prospective partner needs to be truthful, considerate and compassionate. That is. also have empathic qualities.

An empath can close himself off to everyone!

Empathy = sympathy?

Very often people use the word “empathy” as an inappropriate synonym – “sympathy”. But these are different concepts (although sometimes overlapping) and they carry different reasons and motivations.

For example, an altruist or philanthropist feels a desire to help another. They want everything to work out for him, everything to be fine, and they will try to solve his problems with him (or instead of him), pull him out of apathy, and cheer him up. This is a sincere show of caring. They are just that way by nature and help everyone.

Or pity. For a moment, you suddenly feel sorry for the unfamiliar beggars in the passage who are trying to collect money for food. They tossed a couple of coins and moved on. You didn’t plunge into their “inner world”, didn’t “penetrate their soul” and didn’t feel the whole bouquet of their emotions.

Empathy is not sympathy or regret, but an ability given from above or developed independently to immerse yourself in the state of another, to understand the emotions he is overwhelmed by .

At the same time, the empath may not have the desire to help and show care at all. It all depends on the person. For example, we all “see” a beggar, but not everyone will hand him a coin. As you can see, these are completely different concepts.

Example. You saw a fat person and realized that he urgently needs to lose weight, otherwise he may soon have problems. But you won’t run to him with this and lead him by the hand to a nutritionist. You may simply not care what happens to him (a misanthrope can also be a sensitive empath).

Empathy is the ability (ability) to feel the state of other people, but it does not at all mean that this will lead to some actions aimed at the benefit of the person in whose shoes you have climbed. Maybe even the opposite. Sociopaths, for example, use their understanding of people exclusively for their own selfish purposes.

It is simply the ability to lift the veil over the feelings of other people, to understand their emotional state. Whether you sympathize with them or not depends on the individual.

How to Deal with an Empath

Knowing that a friend or girlfriend is a strong empath, you can build a relationship in such a way that there will be almost no controversial issues or omissions in them.

Empaths are always ready to help you!

He needs personal time

If you invite a friend for a walk, and she refuses, don’t be offended. She's just tired of talking. Not specifically from you, but from communication in general. This makes her seek solitude. For example, ignore phone calls and any calls for dialogue from friends and acquaintances.

And this is very important for him!

An empath is not your personal psychologist

An empath should not be used as a crying pillow on a regular basis. Over time, he will simply get tired and move away. Despite the fact that by nature such people are excellent psychologists, it is wrong to abuse their attention. And think about whether this friendship is real at all. If you just need someone to listen to you. Remember that an empath has feelings and emotions too. And he also wants to talk about them.

Empaths are touchy, although they don’t show it. Harsh words and quarrels take them out of balance for a long time. They force you to experience the same unpleasant situation over and over again.

You don't always have to tell him about your problems!

You must believe in him

If an empath is believed in, he can move mountains. Mistrust kills any initiative in him. Makes you worry about your own importance and your abilities. Such experiences have a negative impact on work and relationships with others, and a person can withdraw into himself.

In fact, you need to believe in any person. However, this is especially important for people with empathy!

Free expression of emotions

Empaths are good at reading emotions, so you shouldn’t hide your feelings from them. They will find out about them and will be offended by the attempt to withhold information.

An empath will easily understand if you, for example, flatter him.

Don't lie to an empath

Lying is also useless; the empath himself can pretend to believe the lie. Especially if it happens in public. But later there will be a scandal.

The phrase “Better the bitter truth than a sweet lie” fits here more than ever.

Where does it come from?

Neuroscientists blame mirror neurons . These are nerve cells that interpret information received from the world around us.

For example, if there is a person standing opposite us who is sad, then the visual and auditory analyzers receive the appropriate information about this and transmit it to these neurons. Mirror neurons make their owner feel the same, but to a lesser extent.

It is the mirror cells in monkeys that force their relatives to repeat the same actions one after another (monkeying). For the same reason, we like to watch programs about luxurious life (flip through magazines about the “hard life” of celebrities).

This simply makes it possible to feel at least a moment’s joy in life, as if we were in the place of a celebrity (a given celebrity).

It is noteworthy that the development of empathy begins from birth , when the baby perceives the world around him only on an emotional level. If his mother smiles at him, he will unconsciously smile back at her (acting like an idiot).

When parents explain to an older child that they are now sad or happy for such and such a reason, this also helps the child understand how feelings work and how they can be “read” by faces, movements, words, and facial expressions.

Autism is an extremely low level of empathy in a person

By the way, one of the causes of autism is a disorder in the structure or number of mirror neurons. Therefore, it is very difficult for autists (people with almost zero empathy) to understand how people around them feel and how to interact with them.

As a result of this, the child’s socialization suffers - it is difficult for him to communicate with peers in the yard, at school, or with a salesperson in a store.

Therefore, from a very early age, such children need to be given special attention in terms of emotional development. They need to be told what is happening inside other people in terms of emotions and how it can all be “read” (by facial expressions, by gestures, by gaze).

It is also necessary to constantly ask the child how he feels; describe how it usually manifests itself externally on other people so that he can compare and contrast. Analyzing the main characters of books and films also has a beneficial effect on accelerating the path from autistic to empath.

Active listening is something that can also help develop “emotional sensitivity.” The point is that the listener asks clarifying questions to the person who is telling something. Thus, he learns more about the interlocutor, and he, in turn, opens up more. You can also switch places with your children in this “word game.”

How is empathy different from sympathy?

Empathy and sympathy are close concepts. They are based on a feeling of compassion and the possibility of sharing his experiences with someone. But empathy is at the same time something more, since it involves expressing compassion to any living being. Whereas we sympathize with only a few.

Case in point. Differences between sympathy and empathy.

Liking is not about expressing a common point of view and common emotions. It's personal. It has little to do with experience and requires no effort. After all, everyone knows how to sympathize with people. So, we sympathize with a divorced father who is trying to achieve regular meetings with his children. Single mother who lost her job. Even the neighbor's son, who failed the exam. But if we've never been divorced, lost a job, or failed a test, then it will be difficult for us to experience empathy. The exception is if the empath has already encountered similar cases. Even in the books, he knows how to act and therefore can show both sympathy and empathy at the same time.

Levels of empathy development

Neuropsychologist Chris Frith has identified three levels of empathy:

1. Basic neural empathy manifests itself as “emotional contagion.” A person feels the emotions of other people, but is not aware that he is doing this, i.e. does not distinguish other people's emotions from their own.
2. At the second stage of development of empathic abilities, a person recognizes the emotions of other people and realizes that they do not belong to himself, but to someone else, but “emotional contagion” still occurs, although it is not so pronounced.

• At the highest level of development of empathy, a person consciously recognizes the emotions of other people, but “emotional contagion” does not occur. Simply put, a person understands what others feel, but does not experience it himself [C. Frith, 2010].

Now let’s look at how the level of empathic abilities affects a person’s life and why we need them at all.

Is it good to always empathize with everyone in everything?

Empathy combines positive and negative influences on people. Being open and sympathetic is beneficial - such people quickly move up the career ladder, smooth out conflicts, and help their neighbors. Empaths are less likely to be deceived and are able to maintain friendly relationships for a long time in any situation.

Other advantages include the following:

• overcoming the psychological defense of the interlocutor;
• a broad understanding of the lives of people around you;
• a rich emotional response to the suffering of others;
• development of one's own personality and moral values.

Despite the obvious advantages in everyday life, empathetic individuals also encounter the negative side of empathy. They are subject to constant stress and anxiety, have difficulty accepting tragic incidents, and these people are characterized by moral suffering and rapid burnout. Empaths struggle every day to maintain their inner balance and experience difficulties:

• often supporting others, empaths do not receive a response;
• empathic people are prone to depression, experience moral exhaustion, and emotional instability;
• excessive empathy is contraindicated for people in certain professions, such as doctors.

Important. Empathy can be misleading, take away your last strength and contribute to wrong actions. Even the most noble intentions often cause harm to others.

In order not to plunge headlong into the inner world of other people and not waste energy on overcoming other people's difficulties, empaths must first of all do good not for others, but for themselves.

Pros and cons of this quality

Most people believe that understanding emotions and the ability to empathize are a big plus. After all, this means the presence of mercy, kindness and other high moral qualities. However, psychologists do not share this opinion and cannot say unequivocally whether such susceptibility has a good or bad effect on the person himself.

Pros:

• developed intuition, which allows you to avoid bad people and choose the right path in life;
• the ability to establish good relationships with literally everyone;
• universal love;
• rich inner world;
• high spirituality;
• creativity abilities;
• high level of intelligence;
• lack of resentment.

Minuses:

• inability to control emotions associated with other people's experiences;
• dependence of mood on others;
• risk of emotional burnout;
• financial problems (empaths give out money left and right to those who need it);
• closedness in oneself, inability to share one’s personal experiences, mental loneliness.

To those around them, empaths are worth their weight in gold. But they themselves often suffer from their strong and vivid emotions.

Is it possible to train empathy?

Some people have a higher genetic predisposition to empathy. However, most people learn empathy as children simply by observing others. The child accepts empathy from adults and understands its emotional benefits. Or he can show empathy and receive praise for it, which reinforces the skill.

But can adults learn to empathize?

Research shows that adults can actually learn to be more empathic. We've selected six science-backed techniques to help you develop this ability.

Diagnostics

To identify the presence and level of this ability, psychological diagnostics are carried out. The most popular methods are testing and empathy mapping.

Boyko's empathy test

Read the statements and put a plus or minus next to each.

Interpretation:

Give 1 point for each letter. See how much you scored for each of them. This means that some channels are well developed, while others are not very well developed or are completely absent.

Calculate the total number of points and determine the level:

• more than 30 points – high level of empathy;
• 22-29 - average;
• 15-21 - understated;
• less than 14 - very low.

Mehrabian Emotional Empathy Questionnaire

The task is the same as for the previous test.

Calculate your points:

You can take the tests yourself. They are often used to diagnose this ability in an adult. Only a psychologist works with the card, and it is often used to study the child’s psyche. It consists of 4 sectors: “speaks”, “thinks”, “does”, “feels”. A specific situation is specified, and the client fills out these fields and how he will react to it. Based on what is written, the specialist draws a conclusion.

Characteristic manifestations of empathy

The concept of what empathy is, as defined in psychology, includes people with high rates of emotional responses:

• individuals respond to emotional influences with skin conductance and rapid heartbeat;
• suffer from increased emotionality, often cry;
• spend a lot of time with parents, clearly show emotions and share inner experiences;
• provide people with real help;
• maintain and strengthen friendships;
• regard positive social traits as important;
• are guided by moral values.

Diagnosis of an empathetic personality involves 6 vectors of empathy: towards parents, animals, elderly people, children, characters in works of art and peers in interpersonal relationships. Six test scales open channels of empathy: rational, emotional, intuitive, as well as attitudes that accompany or limit empathy.

Due to the lack of information about the method of identifying scales, it is difficult to draw conclusions about the validity of the analysis of empathy as a multifaceted, holistic phenomenon. A more reliable psychodiagnostic tool for assessing empathy is the Mehrabyan and Epstein test, which measures empathy as a narrow emotional responsiveness.

Empathy

Psychological mechanisms of empathy

Psychic contagion

The mechanism of psychological contagion arose with the dawn of evolution as a mutual exchange of emotions in a group of individuals or individuals. In people, the mechanism is clearly visible with infectious laughter or dull irritation in crowded transport. The function makes people intuitively understand what changes in a partner’s facial expressions, heart rate, breathing, and sweating can mean.

Identification

Identification is the ability to imagine oneself in the place of another person. The main condition for successful identification is one’s own experience. Example - a teacher can imagine himself in the student’s place and feel the opponent’s state based on relevant experience. The student does not identify with the teacher because he has never been in his shoes.

Important! Lack of identification is often a consequence of the cruelty of children, the callousness of successful, prosperous people.

Manifestation of identification in children

Decentration and reflection

Decentration is empathic abilities based on accepting someone else's point of view. Do not agree, but consider the issue from someone else’s position. The need for a mechanism is caused by a distorted image of oneself and one’s relationship to others. Social reflection gives the process of empathy a conscious and objective appearance.

Signs of an Empath

Empaths are usually easy to spot because the manifestation of this ability is quite vivid. Their characteristic features:

• high sensitivity to the emotions and experiences of other people;
• intuition: without even asking what happened, they guess about it;
• selflessness, compassion;
• the ability to sincerely forgive;
• curiosity;
• absent-mindedness and daydreaming;
• creativity: according to statistics, there are more empaths among artists, writers, musicians and designers than among accountants, lawyers and engineers;
• love of animals and nature;
• impatience with violence, cruelty, evil, injustice;
• love of freedom.

How does empathy manifest itself in communication? People with this ability:

• provide moral support without even asking what happened;
• do not know how to say “no”;
• sincere, frank and honest;
• are “vests” for the rest;
• know how to listen;
• they rarely open their inner world to anyone;
• cannot stand the company of two-faced and cruel people;
• put the interests of others above their own;
• will never leave you in trouble;
• true friends and spouses.

The problem is that if you show empathy too often, you will eventually burn out. Moral exhaustion leads to depression and conscious, voluntary seclusion.