How to get rid of a state of dependence on a person: advice from a psychologist

Love addiction (addiction)

– this is a state when a person experiences constant fear, uncertainty, horror at the thought that he may lose a loved one. Imagining separation, he falls into despondency, apathy and despair. Life without an object of dependence seems unbearable to him, and a real breakup can even lead to suicide.

In the article we will reveal the psychology of the addict, what types of addiction there are, its internal causes and how to get rid of it and treat it.

Important Strong dependence on a person manifests itself in total control, an unhealthy desire to always be close to a loved one and loss of self-control.

Emotional dependence on a person

Emotional addiction (dependence) is a pathological attachment to the object of love, due to which a person loses his personality, turning into a “shadow of his partner.”
An emotionally dependent person is unable to take responsibility for his feelings. Experiencing negative emotions (sadness, grief, grief, anxiety, depression), he cannot recognize them, accept them and cope with them. He does not understand the very reason for these feelings, which leads to the need for approval from others. This addiction becomes very strong, since the partner’s praise and attention determines the personal value of the addict.

It takes great courage to find strength and use your strengths in the fight against addiction. But this must be done first of all in order not to lose yourself and realize your true potential.

Important: it is normal for partners to have a certain emotional dependence. But where personal boundaries are erased, self-destruction begins.

Differences between addiction and love

1. Addiction is based on the fear of loneliness, while love is based on happiness.
2. Pathological jealousy due to lack of trust - a dependent person experiences it even when there are no visible reasons or threats to the relationship. That is, any, even the most insignificant manifestation of attention to other people is perceived very painfully. Love is based on complete trust.
3. The need to always be close and the pathological fear of changes in the life of a partner - partly stems from jealousy, and partly from the fear that the partner will meet someone better. Therefore, a dependent person strives for total control. In love, there is freedom that allows you to develop (and not only as a couple, but also personally), and not get hung up.
4. Evidence of love - a dependent person always demands sacrifices for the sake of love. Due to low self-esteem, he constantly needs confirmation of his value from his partner. True love makes people happy, and does not force them to sacrifice themselves.
5. One always gives without receiving anything in return, while the other only takes (willingly or unwittingly). Equality reigns in love.
6. A very painful attitude towards refusals - the addict always gets little attention from his partner. Because he paid too high a price for this relationship, giving up his personal goals and interests. A person finds himself locked in his own trap. In love, partners respect each other’s personal space and desires, treating refusals adequately.

Important: whoever does not know how to love himself is not able to love another. He can only become involved in a destructive relationship or game in which he will be a loser.

Find out your addiction type

Here are the two most common types of addiction:

1. Dependence as a desire to dissolve in a partner, refusal of one’s own responsibility and determination. The main idea: “I don’t exist without you.” The feeling of being part of another, the feeling that your partner is much better, stronger, more interesting than you. People of this type are prone to masochism.
2. Dependence as a desire to devour a partner, dominate him, control him. Main idea: “You are part of me.” The desire to dominate a partner, to absorb his individuality. People of this type are prone to sadism.

All types of addiction have approximately the same causes. And the ways to get out of this state into a healthy relationship are also approximately the same for all types of addiction.

Why does a person become addicted?

Reasons for dependent relationships

• emotional immaturity;
• low self-esteem and self-doubt;
• unwillingness to bear responsibility;
• fear of loneliness;
• psychological trauma, including childhood trauma;
• improper upbringing;
• complexes that form erroneous fears;
• frequent criticism and lack of praise;
• lack of adequate motivation;
• the desire to become ideal for someone, and not for oneself;
• conflicts with one’s own “I”;
• incorrect assessment of one's strengths.

Four types of dependent relationships

The main reason for love addiction is extremely low self-esteem. It is expressed in the absence of one’s own desires and goals, dependence on the opinions of other people, the inability to refuse a loved one and the fear of loneliness.

Psychologists divide dependent relationships into 4 types.

Dissolution: dependent relationships of the “I don’t exist without you” type

With this type of love addiction, a woman completely dissolves in her partner, lives his life and interests, puts his needs and values ​​at the forefront, forgetting about what she wants and desires.

She perceives a man’s opinion about herself as the ultimate truth, which completely neutralizes her as a person. The same one usually sees only vices and shortcomings in her.

Often such a woman patiently endures humiliation, beatings, threats and betrayals of her loved one.

Absorption: dependent relationships of the “I know better how to” type

This type of dependence on a man is similar to the relationship between dad and child. “Dad” decides for “daughter” what she should look like, who she should communicate with, what she should do. He is the one who knows how to do it and what is best.

A man absorbs and crushes a woman under himself, justifying his control and excessive care with love and care.

As a result, she completely loses her independence and (as in dissolution relationships) is ready to forgive her partner for any inappropriate behavior.

Destruction: dependent relationships of the type “I am your master, you are a nonentity”

This type of dependent relationship is characterized by the ruthless use by the “master” of his “slave,” over whom he has unlimited power.

A man, like a real puppeteer, controls a woman’s reactions and actions, methodically destroying her self-esteem and psyche through manipulation and violence.

The “slave” is told that she is insignificant, stupid, ugly, sick in the head, and therefore is not capable of taking responsibility for her actions.

Mirror: dependent relationships of the “You must love me” type

In such relationships, the woman performs the function of a mirror - she reflects to the man his beautiful image. In other words, he admires, cherishes, cherishes, solves his problems, provides him with love, treats him “correctly”.

He appeals to a woman’s best feelings, clings to pity, throws hysterics, uses blackmail to gain her attention and dog-like devotion. If he doesn’t like something, he demonstrates icy indifference and ruthless criticism.

On the subject: Ideal relationship: dream or reality? Analysis of your situations. Part 4

How dependence on a person is formed

The preconditions begin in childhood if the child is not loved properly by the people who mean the most to him. Over time, they become fixed and transferred from one loveless relationship to another. Missing love in childhood, a person constantly seeks it as an adult. Melancholy and loneliness do not go away, becoming stronger and stronger.

Also, the lack of love provokes intrapersonal conflict and low self-esteem. This inability to value and trust oneself creates a negative cycle of needs, which stage by stage increases dependence on another person: the initial euphoria requires an increase in the dose of the love object, concentration reaches its limit and begins to fall, disappointment sets in. And at the last stage, the addict tries with all his might to “re-educate” a significant person, to “adjust” his attitude to his ideal framework.

And the result of emotional blackmail will be the inevitable collapse of relationships and severe psychological trauma, including suicide attempts. And all this just to feel your own worth. Therefore, the addict will again and again “play” the humble role, in the hope of somehow reducing the damage caused over the years.

Please note: emotional addiction is a terrible condition because the addict never feels content, happy or fulfilled without the approval of another person.

What is codependency in a relationship?

It is interesting that, although the problem is quite widespread, there is no single generally accepted definition of what it is today. Why is codependency in relationships a problem? Because codependency is a painful form of psychological dependence on another person.

Alternatively, codependency is sometimes defined as psychological dependence on a person suffering from some kind of addiction. For example, alcohol or drugs. In this case, the codependent depends on the emotions received in such a relationship. He may feel like a savior or even a messiah for an experienced alcoholic who has no intention of being saved.

On the other hand, where else in our life can we feel like a savior and messiah? This is the problem, that a certain category of people simply cannot live without meddling in other people’s lives. They constantly save someone, instruct, teach how to live, give advice on what and how to do correctly. The small fact that no one asked them to do this does not stop such people.

Codependency in a relationship with an alcoholic or drug addict is far from the only example of such a relationship. This may also apply to people who are quite adequate at first glance, but the essence of codependency does not change. Codependency is an unhealthy need for another person, their attention, understanding and approval.

In such a relationship, a person cannot take a single step without being suspected of insufficient attention to his other half. And the other half takes “every gesture, every look” personally and interprets it not in their favor. By the way, these are the words from Vyacheslav Dobrynin’s song “Who Told You,” which was performed at different times by the VIA (vocal and instrumental ensembles) “Leisya, Song”, “Singing Hearts”, singer Nina Brodskaya and the author of the music and words, Vyacheslav Dobrynin. This was a small lyrical digression, but now let’s continue the topic.

So, in the opinion of a codependent person, a partner who has come home from work and stood in a traffic jam for an hour behaves with restraint not because he was tired during the day, but because he is not happy to see him [E. Shundikova, 2017]. Nonsense?!.. Yes, people with a normal psyche and adequate self-esteem are unlikely to think of this. But in codependent relationships this happens all the time!

The question may arise: why does the second member of the tandem tolerate this? Why not try to stop such an invasion of your life and personal space, constant psychological pressure in the form of endless expectations and suspicions? This usually happens because the other partner also needs strong emotions. For example, he wants to have constant confirmation that he is loved and needed.

By the way, some psychologists propose to simplify the definition of codependent relationships as those into which people prone to psychological dependence enter. This is exactly the definition proposed in the book “Liberation from Codependency” [B. Winehold, J. Winehold, 2002].

Jealousy and reproaches, of course, are a very conditional confirmation of love. However, if desired, such confirmation can be found even in the sacramental “hits, means loves.” The key word is “if desired,” because in the 21st century, if desired, you can find the opportunity to seek help wherever there is mobile coverage.

And considering that people live in codependent relationships quite voluntarily for decades and even dissuade the arriving police from taking radical measures against those who like to beat up their significant other out of excess feelings, it becomes clear that the desire to receive confirmation of one’s own importance at any cost is a serious and difficult thing to cure.

Yes, many psychologists and psychotherapists believe that codependency is a consequence of childhood psychological trauma and, like any trauma, needs treatment. In particular, this may be a protracted, or even completely failed, formation of psychological autonomy from parents. This option is described in the book “Liberation from Codependency” [B. Winehold, J. Winehold, 2002]. Then a person who has already become an adult simply cannot imagine any other format of relationship than constant monitoring of a partner and guiding the latter on the right path.

We will talk in detail about the causes of codependency a little later, but first we will dwell on the signs of such a relationship. This is important because, as we discussed earlier, while the problem is quite widespread, a single generally accepted definition of what it is does not exist today.

Types of psychological dependence on a person

Love

It all starts like in a fairy tale: lovers are together all the time, enjoy each other and don’t need anyone. But when hormones subside, there is a desire to devote time to other things or people. Healthy relationships move to the next stage, and toxic ones begin to collapse. The dependent partner perceives such aspirations as a loss of interest in his person, betrayal and dislike. He begins to be “eaten up” by jealousy, resentment, and anger. All this results in an endless stream of quarrels, manipulations and even threats.

Friendly

The picture is very similar to love addiction, with the only difference that the characters are friends. The same jealousy takes place, the fear of losing a loved one, the urgent need for his presence nearby. If a friend makes a new acquaintance or significant other, the addict falls into a stupor, experiences strong resentment, anger, and feels betrayed.

Parental

It is formed in early childhood due to improper upbringing. As a rule, these are despotic parents with a totalitarian parenting style, who themselves are deeply unhappy or have become victims of circumstances (from a single-parent family, unloved, with psychological trauma). They use every means to suppress the child’s desire for independence, thus cultivating a huge number of complexes.

Such parents are afraid of loneliness, because if their child no longer needs them, they will lose the meaning of life. Therefore, they try to keep him near them: they invent illnesses, promise an inheritance, make threats. At the same time, depriving a maturing person of the opportunity to develop socially important skills (bear responsibility, make decisions, adequately assess their capabilities).

Causes of codependent relationships

We all come from childhood, so first we’ll talk about the reasons for codependent relationships that come from childhood. The authors of the already mentioned book “Liberation from Codependency” identify 4 important stages that every child goes through in his development [B. Winehold, J. Winehold, 2002].

development stages :

• Stage 1 (from birth to 6-9 months) – the stage of codependency and inextricable connection with the mother, because the child cannot exist without her care.
• Stage 2 (10-36 months) – counter-dependence, when the child begins to crawl, then walk, strives to explore this world and tries to do something on his own.
• Stage 3 (3-6 years) – independence, when the child is able to act independently from his parents most of the time (kindergarten, games with peers, sports clubs, independent games at home).
• Stage 4 (6-12 years) – interdependence, when the process of interaction with parents and the outside world is established, and the child either strives for greater independence or seeks closer communication.

Ideally, at the fourth stage, a type of relationship should be formed in which the periodic closeness and distance of close people will be comfortable for everyone and will be perceived as natural. If all 4 stages have passed normally, the child is ready to become a mature person over time, able to maintain a balance between his own and other people’s interests, protect his own and other people’s boundaries of personal space, be moderately caring and give his partner a certain freedom of action.

If some stage remains unfinished, throughout the next life a person will strive to “complete” this stage and build relationships with a partner that seem to reproduce the unfinished stage in order to finally go through this stage to the end. As a result, such a person becomes like a baby who requires constant attention.

Actually, this is normal for a baby, because for objective reasons he will not survive without outside help. A close relationship with the mother at an early age gives a feeling of security and at the same time unlimited power, when the mother reacts to every cry and runs to predict the child’s wishes. Creating a sense of security is an important aspect of developing a healthy psyche, but care should not be excessive even at a very early age.

It is on this that psychologists’ advice is based not to take the baby in your arms every time he cries, but to try to distract him with something [A. Khodykina, 2020]. Otherwise, the child develops an incorrect picture of the world, as if everyone around him should be fixated exclusively on him and run to fulfill his wishes as soon as he begins to act up.

In adulthood, such a child will subconsciously expect, or even simply demand, that the partner give him what his parents gave: unconditional and boundless love, the same unconditional and immediate attention to his requests. Of course, in adult life this is unrealistic and unnecessary, which is why parents are advised to instill useful conditioned reflexes in their children. For example, pick him up only when he is not crying and behaves calmly [A. Khodykina, 2020].

One more question: why do codependent people demand unquestioning compliance with their own expectations from their partner? Firstly, a partner in adulthood is almost as close a person as a mother was in childhood. Secondly, the state of falling in love partly takes us back to childhood, where everything was good, cozy, fun and safe. This can be organized as an adult, but you need to organize it yourself, and not expect others to do everything for you, also unilaterally.

There are other reasons that lead to codependent relationships. Their roots are not so obvious and are not always found in the early period of life, but these reasons are quite strong. Among them, for example, is the fear of loneliness, the fear of abandonment, boredom and melancholy, the lack of clear life goals, when a person simply does not know what to do outside of a relationship.

Such a person does not have his own career aspirations, the desire to earn money and move up the social ladder, or to engage in creativity or sports. It remains to realize oneself only in relationships, and if relationships occupy all the time and attention of a person, they cannot be healthy and adequate. Is it possible to get out of this state and what can be done for this? Let's find out!

Signs of a person's dependence on other people

Main features

1. Constant need to be close to other people.
2. A persistent feeling of insecurity.
3. Obsessive fear of losing a partner.
4. Constant feeling of guilt if your partner is not given maximum attention.
5. The belief that you are not good enough to be with your partner (feelings of inferiority).
6. Acceptance of psychological and physical suffering due to fear of losing the relationship.
7. Constant and dominant feeling of anxiety.

How to identify such an addiction in yourself

If you:

• idealize your relationship or partner;
• believe that without your loved one, your life has no meaning or value;
• you think that you will not find happiness and security if you are alone;
• are constantly afraid of being rejected;
• feel empty or anxious when spending time alone;
• are not confident in themselves, and self-esteem is increased only by the praise of a partner;
• You often experience jealousy or possessive feelings.

Even the presence of one positive answer indicates that the risk of developing emotional dependence is quite high.

A consultation with our psychologists can dispel all doubts. Practicing specialists will understand your situation and help you find answers to all your questions. It is easier to get rid of addiction to a person in the early stages, before it develops into an addiction.

Signs of codependency in relationships

We have already looked at some signs of codependency in relationships. But to get the full picture, you need to analyze all the signs of a codependent relationship, as was done in the article of the same name [N. Protsenko, 2019].

Top 10 signs of a codependent relationship:

1. Fear of independent decisions - a person sincerely believes that everything, even the smallest actions, must be coordinated with a partner.
2. Willingness to do anything to avoid conflicts is not about compromises, which are important and necessary in life together, but about the fear of voicing your wishes or your vision of the problem, because there is a fear of rejection of the opinion by the other half.
3. Willingness to sacrifice principles is to some extent a continuation of the previous point, when a person goes to any length to avoid a conflict that, perhaps, would not have happened.
4. Intrusive caring - a person is ready to do instead of a partner even what he is able and would like to do himself.
5. Immersion in the life of a partner is the desire to share his interests, leisure, hobbies, without giving him the opportunity to be alone even for a short time.
6. Jealousy - when they are jealous of everyone, including school friends, parents and pets, tormenting them with suspicions and questions like “Who did you call last night?”, even if it was to order pizza.
7. The desire to control every step of the partner - to the point that the person calls every couple of hours with the question “Where are you?”, although the partner is an ordinary office employee and everyone knows the office address.
8. The dependence of mood and even well-being on the attitude and mood of the partner.
9. Inattention to your true needs, requests, lack of understanding of your goals and aspirations.
10. An insistent desire to change a partner “to suit oneself” - to force them to lose weight, play sports, go to the doctor, change jobs, even if this is not part of the partner’s plans.

It may seem to some that the last point “stands out” from the overall picture and contradicts the willingness to do anything to avoid conflicts and the desire to immerse yourself in the life of your partner as deeply as possible. In reality, the desire to change a partner “to suit oneself” is skillfully (or not so skillfully) disguised as comprehensive care and a willingness to take on the partner’s troubles: finding a gym, a doctor, a job, a super diet, anything else that was not asked for.

A “deep immersion” into a partner’s life similarly works to achieve the goal of changing a partner “to suit oneself.” The more time you are together, the more opportunities you have to “peck at your partner’s brain” and persuade him to lose weight, play sports, and the list goes on. We are in no way against sports and reasonable advice from loved ones on maintaining health.

However, an adult should understand that he is communicating with an equally adult person who may have his own preferences and minor health problems that he does not want to make public. Therefore, intrusive advice may not be accepted simply because it is irrelevant to the person’s current psychological and physical state.

Thus, codependency manifests itself in a variety of forms. This could be jealousy and resentment, self-pity and low self-esteem, confusion and inability to see perspectives, rejection of people from your partner’s environment, excessive need for food, alcohol, gambling as a way to escape reality. You can read more about these and other manifestations in the article “The Flame of Codependency” [M. Ifraimov, 2019].

As you can see, the concept of codependency is very multifaceted. Thus, codependency can be observed in relationships with a man, a woman, between a husband and wife, between parents and children. Moreover, the desire to control every step of children is precisely a traditional parental trait that can manifest itself not only until adulthood, but also until the children retire. Fortunately, the current life expectancy allows the most well-preserved people to send their children not only to kindergarten, school, the army, but also to retirement.

And, as we have already briefly noted above, such excessive parental care may well become an impetus for the formation of codependent relationships in the adult children’s own family life. Of course, there are many more possible causes of codependency in relationships, and the “roots from childhood” may be more branchy.

Why you need to get rid of addiction

Emotional dependence is very dangerous, especially when a person cannot recognize it in time to avoid negative patterns (patterns of behavior):

Loss of self-esteem

Starting from low self-esteem, emotional dependence completely destroys self-confidence. Internal conflict grows, destroying one’s own “I” and relationships. Because the connection with the personality that the person was at the beginning of the relationship is lost.

Isolation and loss of social skills

Finding yourself in a toxic and all-consuming relationship, a person becomes isolated. When communication with the outside world is cut off, he quickly loses the social skills that are invaluable for long-term happiness. This encourages unconstructive self-criticism, making the situation even worse.

Physical and psychological violence

Isolating oneself with a partner on whom one relies entirely increases the risk of physical and psychological violence in a relationship.

At some point, the object of love may mistake dependence for weakness. This situation leads to an imbalance of power and to the fact that the partner takes a “dominant role.” The longer the isolation occurs, the more sinister this domination can become. After all, when one partner sees that the happiness of the other is completely dependent on him, it becomes easier for him to exert pressure, manipulate, act hostilely or even contemptuously. Destruction of well-being

When dependence on another person is deeply ingrained, it becomes an important part of who the person is. It plays a decisive role in everything that concerns emotions, and therefore well-being. A dependent person suffers from dysphoric (painfully low) mood, depression, strong feelings of guilt, emptiness, loneliness (despite even the status of the relationship).

Important: the healthiest type of relationship is interdependent, as this is the “golden mean”. Interdependence also means that a person is acutely aware of his or her emotional needs and makes personal efforts to meet them rather than at the expense of others.

Stages of love addiction

Like other addictions: drugs, alcohol, nicotine, love, it develops in stages, depending on the initial mental disorders of the patient, he can go through all stages very quickly or gradually.

First: Euphoria

At the beginning of a relationship, the addict experiences happiness from the emotions of love he experiences, he “grows wings”, he feels full of life. He adores the whole world, he wants to sing, laugh, and an as yet unformed desire appears - to be with this person always. To grow old together and die on the same day.

Second: Increasing the dose

The desire to be constantly nearby grows stronger and becomes a need. Meetings, no matter how many there are, are always few. The feeling of love overshadows everything, everyday affairs: work, study fade into the background. A person lives in anticipation of a meeting, experiences euphoria and happiness and immediately begins to wait for the next date, cannot survive even short separations.

Third: Disappointment

Fleur subsides, her beloved does not live up to the dependent ideal drawn in her head. There is disappointment, fruitless attempts to still discern a fictitious image in a living person. Every time a person encounters reality, a person experiences suffering, and this, oddly enough, only binds him more to the object of passion.

Fourth: Become what I want

This stage can last for a very long time. The addict tries to remake his loved one and his behavior in accordance with his ideas about him in any way. It is impossible to change an adult personality, but an addict cannot leave or accept another for who he is. This activity gives rise to anger, fear, irritation, and jealousy in the patient. He can no longer back down, since he has invested a disproportionate amount of effort, time and emotions into this relationship. Soon there is no love left at all, only dependence, fear and a feeling of despair.

Attention The main difficulty in treating love addiction is how to get rid of it if a person does not want to free himself from this condition. A patient suffering from emotional love addiction perceives his mental pain as a manifestation of “true” love and is voluntarily ready to suffer and does not want to treat it.

How to get rid of addiction to a person

What you need to be prepared for

Recovering from an addiction is a painful experience, and you will have to face some unpleasant truths. Face your fears and fight them. To become a holistic and harmonious person again. And most importantly, learn to love yourself and take responsibility for your life into your own hands. Only then will it be possible to throw off the shackles of psychological dependence.

Steps to freedom from addiction

1. Recognize the problem.
2. End toxic relationships.
3. Work on errors.
4. Turn your face towards yourself and get to know yourself.
5. Fill the inner emptiness with self-love.
6. Become an independent and holistic person.
7. Build healthy and harmonious relationships.

Realize that addiction is not love

Because of your emotional attachment to another person, a whole “cocktail” of emotions is formed inside you. This is the desire to merge with him, the desire to control, jealousy, fear of rejection and loneliness. All feelings are felt brightly and strongly, so it seems that this is love.

But in fact, love is a pleasant experience, while addiction is inextricably linked with suffering.

The first step on the path to liberation is self-observation. You need to monitor your behavior and emotions to detect the main signs of addiction:

• you just can’t get enough of your partner (outside the candy-bouquet period);
• you react painfully to the absence of a loved one;
• you do not perceive the personal boundaries of another (it hurts you because of the difference in interests and desires);
• feel jealous of a person’s personal space;
• trying to adjust yourself to your partner’s interests;
• do not speak directly about your needs, but manipulate (get offended, get irritated, cry);
• you expect the person to guess what you want, and if he doesn’t, you consider yourself uninteresting, unnecessary;
• you try to earn love through sacrificial behavior.

Track your actions, you can record them in a diary or mentally. This way you actually recognize the problem based on mental analysis rather than emotion.

How to overcome dependence on a person: advice from a psychologist

Sport will be an excellent medicine. By improving his body, a person gains self-confidence and increases his self-esteem. Yoga helps to cope with negative emotions, and dancing helps to get rid of accumulated energy. Psychologists also recommend engaging in creativity, leading an active social life, and under no circumstances withdrawing into yourself. New acquaintances, hobbies, and success at work give positive emotions, which are extremely necessary when getting rid of addiction to another person.

Prepare for difficulties

In the process of your renewal, you may break up with the codependent person. In any addiction, there is such a thing as withdrawal syndrome - this is a period when you will feel sadness, loneliness, and fear. It can be bad even on a physical level.

I recommend at this time not to fight your emotions, but to accept them. Treat them consciously. Expect this pain to pass soon. Learn how to cope with feelings of loneliness.

There is also a very useful NLP technique called “Drying Out”, it will help you let a person go. Here is a video with a version for women, this author has a similar one for men:

Why and when you should see a psychologist

Emotional dependence is not just a state of mind. It is a verifiable psychological disorder that manifests itself in different ways and at different stages of life. In any case, a person must understand that he has become a victim of someone else’s choice and is not living his own life. That filling the inner emptiness is not the task of others. And true emotional satisfaction can only be achieved by self-love.

Important: it is impossible to be healed by another person. We need to heal that broken child that lives inside.

This is very serious work on yourself, which requires clear guidance. In the process of psychological rehabilitation, a person changes his thinking and gets rid of negative attitudes. Learn to live again. Therefore, there should be a professional nearby who will help you find the true causes and eliminate them correctly. Otherwise the situation will only get worse.

Our specialists often encounter similar situations and successfully help overcome any addiction.

Even one consultation with a psychologist will bring invaluable benefits. You can leave a request at any time, the service is open 24 hours. Within 5 minutes a specialist will be selected for your individual request. And the first 20 minutes of consultation are free.

What are the consequences?

What happens if you successfully complete all these stages?

If you stay in a relationship, you will notice that your feelings have changed. It will be easier for you to recognize healthy and unhealthy behavior in your partner. Fear, worries and groundless jealousy will pass. Your space will appear. The fact that another person has his own boundaries will no longer traumatize and frighten you.

It is likely that you will take off your rose-colored glasses and look at your partner differently, and maybe even lose interest in him. This is quite normal, because you have grown and become better able to understand what kind of person next to you really is.

If you have left a relationship, you will now see people as separate, whole individuals, and not as “donors” of resources useful to you.

Human addiction test

1. Do you often feel anxious when you think about your relationship?
2. Can you say no to your loved one?
3. Is your partner's approval vital to you?
4. Do you often get jealous without objective reasons?
5. Do you have leadership qualities?
6. If your partner praises you, do you feel happy?
7. Can you imagine your life without a partner?
8. Does your loved one's dissatisfaction make you panic?
9. Can you improve your emotional state on your own?
10. If there was no significant person in your life, would you experience uncertainty?

1-2 positive answers indicate the initial stage of addiction. If you answered “yes” to 3-5 questions, this is already the second stage of emotional dependence. If more than 5, the addiction is pathological and immediate help from a psychologist is required.

The best is yet to come!

Even if things are bad for you now and you are stuck in an addictive relationship, don’t despair. You can successfully work with any type of dependence on a man.

There is no point in dwelling on the past if you can find another man and build a new, happy relationship with him.

out how to program yourself a new happy relationship with your ideal husband
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I hope the tips from this article will help you cope with dependent relationships.

Did you like these practices? Is it possible to regain yourself with their help? Write in the comments.