How to find the meaning of life if you don’t want anything

Our search for the meaning of life, or attempts to find our ikigai, is coming to an end. You have understood yourself by answering the questions “What do I love?”, “What am I good at?” and “What can I do for a living?” All that remains is to find out what you, with your talents and inclinations, can give to the world, and then summarize everything you have learned about yourself. Let's get started!

Life story, or preface

By the way, I understand you, because a couple of months ago I myself was tormented by the problem of comprehension. In my case, the problem was the lack of work that would bring both pleasure and good income. There was a family, there were hobbies, there were beliefs, there were attitudes, but there was no place in the work sphere. That is why it was not that his views on life turned out to be non-standard.

And I gave up, and I didn’t want anything, and I fought with myself. But everything changed when I decided not to deviate from my beliefs and not to break myself. I know my strengths and weaknesses and abilities very well. I knew it would be hard (and it was), but I had to start. In fact, only I believed in myself; others, at best, did not interfere. But my own confidence was enough for me.

And now I can safely say that I feel harmonious and whole. Along with my acquisition of integrity and the meaning of being, other areas began to improve on their own, and most importantly, I feel an endless flow of strength and desire to create. But enough of the lyrics, I think I’ve already inspired you to at least read this article, now in a more general and scientific way.

How to want?

First, admit to yourself that you live in a state where you don’t want anything. It is very important to realize that you are not living the way you would like. The clearer you understand the problem, the clearer the path will be to get out of the hole called “you don’t want anything.”

Read more: How not to be afraid?

The second point is to start wanting slowly, start going through hobbies, hobbies, in order to push yourself away from something. So to speak, build the foundation of your desires.

Think back to your childhood, what you really wanted, but were unable to realize or your parents forbade you to do it. And it caused unfathomable trauma? This is what you wanted as a child, so start doing it.

In childhood, a child has a pure intention and has not yet become overgrown with negative beliefs and judgments about himself. Therefore, what you strongly desired in terms of hobbies as a child is what you need to continue to do. If you wanted to draw as a child, but your parents sent you to football, then still try to realize yourself as an artist or as a hobby.

Well, the simplest thing, in my opinion, is, of course, to turn to “our brother psychologist” since we are focused on solving and eliminating problems related to psychology and other “joys of life.”

The structure and essence of the meaning of life

Despite all the ambiguity of the issue, scientists have been able to identify some stable provisions about the meaning of life, for example, regarding its structure. It is noted that, as a rule, there are several meanings in life: the leader and the subordinates. Based on this principle, the following models of meaning formation are distinguished:

All meanings peacefully coexist or oppose each other.
Subordination of all meanings to one leader.
Change in additional meanings under the influence and growth of the leader.
Inconsistency between the leading and additional principles (that is, the division of the inner world in two).
The leading meaning serves only as a cover for the ever-evolving true meanings.
The breakdown of the main meaning into secondary ones.
There is one leading meaning, but it is interconnected with others and can change.

Thus, the meaning of life is life goals, the means of achieving them (abilities) and the result (information obtained during professional activities, communication and knowledge of the world).

The first conversation about the meaning of life, as a rule, comes in adolescence. Young children can also pronounce this concept, but probably blindly repeating after adults. According to developmental psychology, at this age a child cannot consciously be puzzled by this question.

In adolescence, a person begins to look for the meaning of his life in the present, in youth - to build goals and dream about the future, in maturity - to embody ideas and adjust them taking into account the realities of the existing subjective and objective world.

The meaning of life is based on an individual’s sense of his place in society, his goals and interests, and ideas about the possibility of their implementation. The main characteristics of the meaning of life include:

duality (can be constructive or destructive for the individual);
realism (correspondence of meaning to objective conditions and capabilities of the person himself).

Thus, the meaning of life is an axis that helps a person adhere to a single line, build all his spheres according to one thread. Due to this, the individual perceives his life as a whole, and not by spheres (leisure, family, work), and also perceives himself holistically. For example, if there is inconsistency of meanings, a person can be a sycophant at work and a tyrant at home.

Take more care of yourself

To find meaning in life, you need to start by working on yourself. It's not just about self-development: health care and care are also fundamental factors.

We make sure to include healthy and enjoyable rituals in our daily routine. For example, take a walk in the fresh air several times a week, spend 15 minutes stretching, or apply cosmetic masks. The main thing is that this improves your mood and well-being.

Causes of emptiness

Getting lost in the labyrinths of life is not shameful; looking for meaning is not a shame, just like losing it. It seems to you that the whole point is in your passivity and apathy, but it also has roots. External factors of feeling the meaninglessness of life in a broad sense include:

globalization and technologization of society;
abundance of information;
identification of work calling and life calling (read more about this in the article “Is it possible to see the meaning of life in work”);
the collapse of old values and traditions of society without offering a new alternative (reminiscent of the situation in the 90s).

All this causes a person to fear being replaced by robots and technologies; The abundance of information from different sources and of different quality sows uncertainty in one’s own stability; the collapse of values prevents one from building one’s worldview.

Finish what you start

Francesca Gino and Bradley Staats, in their Harvard Business Review article, looked at why we complete some things and put others off until later.
It turned out that our brain looks for those tasks that are easier to complete in order to get pleasure from the fact that we have completed them. That's why we put off important things until later. Agree, it’s easier to wash the dishes and tell yourself that “you’ve done well today” than to do a whole spring cleaning.

To trick your brain and finish what you started, you need to form several habits:

create a daily routine and plan things ahead;
prioritize: what needs to be done first and what needs to be done later;
be prepared for the fact that things may not go according to plan, and learn not to give up;
add additional motivation - for example: “if I don’t finish the report today, I’ll transfer 500 rubles to a friend and won’t ask for it back”;
set a timer - allocate a certain time for each task. This will force you to act faster or find non-standard solutions;
don’t wait for inspiration, but do it here and now.

Why look for the meaning of life

Life itself is unthinkable without meaning. It may be existence, but it is not life. The meaning of life allows you to:

feel the value of life;
understand your life story;
believe in your own uniqueness;
constantly move, develop.

Those who live meaningful lives take an active position in everything. They interact with the world practically and theoretically. Meaning allows you to live the allotted time fully and as fruitfully as possible. “So that there is no excruciating pain for the years spent aimlessly” is the motto of those who endow their lives with meaning.

Goal setting

“How to find the meaning of life if you don’t want anything?” - you ask. The answer, apparently, will not please you: set a goal and go towards it with the will.

What is the root of your passivity? Have you recently suffered a trauma or lost someone? Are you in a state of crisis, depression, that is, an unstable and unhealthy psychological state? Then you first need to “remove the splinter”: survive divorce, death, leaving, recover from trauma, get out of depression. To do this, you need to contact a specialist.
Once your condition is stable (or if you are currently healthy, just lazy or uncertain), you need to start working. A rolling stone gathers no moss. Already in the question “how to find...” lies the answer - to search, and not to remain inactive. Go to the goal, through all external and, above all, internal obstacles (your “I don’t want”).
“I don’t want” happens because of a lack of motivation. Why do you lack motivation? Are you satisfied with your current life? I think not, since the question arose. Then imagine the life you want, but be realistic in your plans. Have you imagined yourself, your life, the people around you, your feelings? Do you want that? That's the goal. Your life's purpose is the image of your achievements.

If you cannot yet concentrate your attention on life as a whole, then think about a specific goal that worries you more than others at the moment: work, love, education, health.

Now think about how to achieve the presented image, and what is needed for this. What do you already have? How to get something that doesn't exist? Work on your worldview. As a result, you should have a clear idea of what the universe is, who a person is and how he should live.

Recommendations for every day

Educate yourself. Get a professional diagnosis from a psychologist or take tests yourself to study your characteristics: professional inclinations and interests, abilities, temperament and character, reactions, value orientations. As a result, you should have your complete psychological portrait in your hands so that you clearly understand the possibilities and work plan.
Learn to select, filter, and not take on faith everything you hear.
Be confident in your professional qualities and abilities.
Create your own sustainable value system that includes broad concepts such as helping a stranger, not being indifferent, and more.
Treat yourself and others not as masks or people performing a specific role or function, but as a whole, independent, unique personality.
Take a strong position in relation to society and its global issues. You must have your own vision of any issue (death, life, work).
If you want to see personal meaning in everything you do, then act according to your conscience. Even if it offends someone, but you consider this the only right decision (for example, leaving the relationship), then this is what you need to do.
The meaning of life is always between reality and the desired ideal. Don't try to find the right move, look for what seems important and necessary for you here and now. Don’t be fooled by the stereotype about “stable work like people” if you have the opportunity to build your path in a non-standard modern field (video blogs, copywriting, promoting your ideas and projects).
Don't be fooled by stereotypes. About anything: marriage, work, hobbies, gender characteristics. If something is interesting and meaningful to you, if it satisfies your needs and matches your abilities, then this is the right path.
Try to always follow your values, principles, and interests. Prestige can be achieved in any field if you do it with passion and interest. And in an unloved, but relatively prestigious field, you may not achieve anything.
Develop hard work. Labor is the basis of our life. It permeates every sphere. Work is an expression of the need for respect and self-expression.

There is no such thing as a healthy person not wanting anything. Maybe your desires simply do not correspond to someone else's ideas? And who told you that they must comply? Your desires should correspond only to your needs, ideas and natural data, and, of course, to the norms of law and morality. Everything else is your right to freedom.

I repeat again: why don’t you want anything? Have you entered a course that is obviously undesirable (at the direction of your parents or society) and do not see any further prospects in your planned work? Are you already working in an undesirable field (you got a job through an acquaintance, they pay well, “I studied for this”)? Are you in a dependent relationship? Did you give birth to a child because you “have to”? Are you sick with some kind of addiction? Why have you become so indifferent to your life, to yourself? Who are you living for?

Please stop ruining your life and realizing someone else's meaning in life. Unfortunately, I don’t know your specific story. But I know for sure that everything can always be corrected: if not the situation, then your attitude towards it.

However, some psychologists and philosophers believe that life has meaning only when it is connected with other lives, that is, when your activities are useful to the whole society. Thus, we are talking about self-development, about reaching a new moral level. The level where you think about the meaning of your actions for others more than the meaning for yourself. It is also important to remember this: for others, but not to the detriment of yourself.

A little practice

I want to push you to action and take you away from devaluing life. I suggest two exercises. You can repeat it regularly, especially when you “don’t feel like doing anything.”

Imagine that you have 5 years left to live. Have you already come up with some images, values, ideas? I think yes. Probably, all the “later”, “I’ll have time”, “not now” immediately came to mind. And you probably wanted to do it right away? That's what we need to build on. Here are the first meanings for you. Constantly support them, call the genie out of the bottle and act.
Imagine that you are 80. Your friends and family have a party to celebrate this occasion. The hero of the day is invited to give a speech. You are asked to talk about your life. This is where the “magic” begins. What would you like to say to those eyes? How would you like to appear to your guests? Here are your first guidelines for the future, your first goals and meanings.

Vdovin Ivan

More than 15 years in psychology
Owner of 2 successful businesses
Developed his own method “Key Therapy”
Certified NLP Practitioner
Certified Hypnotherapist
In practice I use: Gestalt therapy, imagery therapy, body therapy, art therapy, hypnosis, Hellinger constellations
Helped over 100 clients
I invested more than 500,000 rubles in my education
My blog is visited by more than 1500 people per day

Reviews

Why don’t you want anything?

Let me first answer the first question: why don’t we want anything? Everything is extremely simple; in childhood, the “desire to want” was beaten away from us. Remember as a child, you really wanted something, you really dreamed about it, but your parents didn’t give it or said something like, why do you need this? I know better what you need! You'll break it! Don't run into a puddle, you'll be dirty and grimy! I'm sure almost everyone is familiar with this.

In the end, it turns out like this: you are a child, exploring the world around you, and here are your parents who forbid you from doing so. From here the child develops the belief: in order not to anger his parents, it is better not to do anything. And we continue to live with this, go to school, grow up, seem to communicate normally with friends, but there is no desire. Not a drop.

The second reason is related to fear, we are afraid that something will not work out for us, and in order not to disappoint ourselves and fall into depression or apathy, we are inactive and it is better to do nothing than to be disappointed in ourselves.

There are also people suffering from perfectionism who want everything to work out well and right away. But no, this won’t happen, nothing ever works out perfectly the first time. And they also don’t want anything, because they are unsure of themselves and their abilities, and they are also afraid of public opinion, that they will judge them. Here's also greetings from the parents. And then your question is, what should you do about it? The answer will be below.

Popular traps

In your search for meaning in life, you can fall into several traps.

Dependent Relationships

This is if you decide to look for yourself in family and love. Perhaps you just imagined a family with a dozen children and are now afraid of not being able to make it in time. This is the other extreme of your current condition. You can not do it this way. You can’t cling to a random passerby, you can’t give birth to children because “you have to.” You need to clearly plan and rationally evaluate every step. Remember the main conditions for realizing the meaning of life: realism, consistency, feasibility.

Workaholism

This is an escape from reality. This is the opposite of laziness. Work cannot replace family, communication with friends, and leisure. It is not safe. Work takes up all your thoughts, and you constantly begin to feel anxious. You cannot help but work, but even while working you are constantly anxious. At the same time, the ability to empathize and establish social contacts decreases. A workaholic does not want to solve interpersonal problems, but you and I remember that life makes sense with global values and interaction with society. Gradually this develops into dissatisfaction with oneself and the question of the meaninglessness of existence arises again.

False meanings, or self-destruction

By which I mean self-destructive behavior (not always conscious). I have heard the phrases “my meaning in life is to waste my life”, “I am a party animal, and this is the meaning of my life”, “self-destruction as the meaning of life”, “searching for the meaning of life through self-destruction”, “the meaning of life is to try everything” ( for some reason the most accessible, dangerous, trivial), “gather a collection of women/men.” These are not meanings. This is a waste of given time and potential. With such attitudes, the re-awareness of meaninglessness usually comes in old age or late adulthood. Against this background, a crisis develops that can end in depression and even suicide.

But in reality, everything is meaningless?

You don’t need to read pessimistic philosophers like Sartre or Camus to think at least once about why this world exists and we are in it if everything will end sooner or later. We will die, the Earth will burn, the Sun will go out, and even the Universe will finally scatter into darkness or collapse back into one point.

One of the founders of existential psychology, Irvin Yalom, includes the meaninglessness of existence among the four main existential problems that we have to face in life. The other three are death, isolation and freedom. Isolation means that, despite all the emotional closeness between people, there is always one last insurmountable gap: each of us comes into the world alone and must leave it alone. Under freedom is the total uncertainty of the external world, in which we ourselves have to create a coordinate system for ourselves. As Morty says in the famous cartoon: “No one’s life has any meaning, no one is connected to anyone, everyone is going to die one day - let’s go watch TV!”

Results

Thus, we can say that the meaning of life is not an abstract philosophical phenomenon (although, of course, one can rant on this topic for a long time) and it is not an unanswered question.

The meaning of life is the concept of life of a particular person. A set of his personal provisions, rules, beliefs, values. This is all supported by internal personal psychological characteristics and external conditions, the concept of society.
The meaning of life includes goals for the future, but begins with the present, and even the past makes its contribution to changes in the semantic orientations of the individual. The first semantic questions and guidelines appear in adolescence (searching for oneself in the present, without focusing on the future), in adolescence a person makes plans for the future, in adulthood he implements them (if necessary, adjusting them according to real possibilities), in old age he evaluates, measures your success.
The meaning of life is your perception and understanding of life and yourself, the awareness of ownership of your life and the codependence of the meaning of life and your actions. That’s why you don’t want anything right now because there’s no point.

Do you know that it is passivity that people most often regret in old age, when they begin to evaluate their life, that is, their achievements? I would like to quote the Soviet psychologist and philosopher Sergei Leonidovich Rubinstein: “My attitude towards my own death is determined by two circumstances: firstly, how complete, and not cut short, my life will be by the time of death, how complete it will be at least to some extent.” plan, and, secondly, to what extent I did not abandon, abandon, or leave to the mercy of fate those people who need me.”

That is, you need to be active and active, to endow each step with meaning, and highly significant. The meaning of life is a changeable element. Finding it is not enough, you need to constantly implement it. As goals (meanings) are achieved, based on them, find a continuation - new meanings.

Among the main meanings we can name the meaning:

to be loved;
be happy;
be educated;
to be a successful specialist;
helping people and more.

Note that each of these meanings is subjective. Each person has his own idea of love, education, and happiness. I don’t know what you put into this goal, but I know that any main meaning (goal) can be divided into auxiliary meanings (tasks), which are quite achievable if they are real.

Thus, to find the meaning of life, you need to recognize your own resources and develop a concept for managing them. Get to know yourself, develop, plan your life, be active. Live, don't exist!

Create daily rituals

A daily ritual is a task useful for self-development that is performed over a certain period of time.
Unlike routine, it is aimed precisely at developing us, and not just satisfying everyday needs. For example, a ritual is to spend 15 minutes in the morning stretching or read for an hour before going to bed. And the routine is to clean the apartment for half an hour every evening. Both actions are beneficial: one for cleanliness, the other for our body and mind. The answer to the question of how long it takes for a ritual to become a habit was given by Maxwell Moltz, a plastic surgeon. Observing his patients, he noticed that it took them only 21 days to get used to their new appearance. The doctor concluded that this is exactly how long it takes to get used to anything. And indeed, it works: you can even mark the days on the calendar, gradually noticing how you begin to perform rituals automatically.

Literature on the topic

Lyubov Kholov “The Road to Vocation.” The book is based on real events, stories, people, but written in the style of a fictional novel. This is the story of one person who, despite the opinions of other people and other problems, seeks and finds himself.
Fyodor Papayani "The Meaning of Life". The work presents various scientific points of view on what the meaning of life is (and from the perspective of different sciences); The author's personal experience of searching for the meaning of life is described. It’s about worldview, and about ideas, and about values, and about attitudes. A lot of material is presented on the topic of worldview, which, in my opinion, is where one should begin the search for the meaning of life.
Vladislav Terekhovich “Formula of meaning. A Study of Opinions about the Meaning of Human Existence.” The author analyzes in detail all existing theories of the meaning of life (from the standpoint of pros and cons), analyzes established opinions about the meaning of life, analyzes individual areas by category, for example, meaning in pleasure, in self-realization, and so on, and ultimately offers his own formula sense. I think it will be useful for you to read several overview opinions about what the meaning of life is and how to find it.

What does it mean to live meaningfully?

...In each specific situation there is only one
the path is best for a person.

Human freedom involves comparing the various circumstances of his life, determining their value, separating the best from the good, the harmless from the harmful. Thanks to this distinction

out of many possibilities, the only chance available at a given moment in time begins to emerge.

Using this unique chance, preferring this opportunity to all others and making a decision based on it, a person makes his life more meaningful and complete. By choosing one opportunity, highlighting it from others, he makes this opportunity “special.”

By doing this, a person can navigate any situation and find an internally appropriate direction for the next stage of life. For the opportunity that, in its meaning and value, is understood by us as the best in a given situation,

including all the diversity of existing existence at the moment, reflects
the meaning of
the situation.

This is the definition of existential meaning.

Therefore, to live meaningfully means to make the best use of the opportunities provided by the situation, to “squeeze” the best out of the situation.

Aphorisms for the occasion - for the sake of thought

The beauty of aphorisms is that each person interprets them in his own way. I offer you several popular sayings of great people about the meaning of life. Perhaps this will be a “magic kick” for you. Well, take a little break from the previous “overload”.

A. Ananyev: “The goal of life cannot consist only of the promised eternal bliss; the golden gates of heaven awaiting us, to which only we should turn our thoughts and deeds, is wonderful; but there is, that is, there must certainly be something else... that brings satisfaction not in the mythical future, but today, here on earth. The purpose of life is the desire for immortality (even just name); The meaning of life is the choice of path (and actions) to achieve a goal.”
Aristotle: “What is the meaning of life? Serve others and do good. Every person individually and everyone together has, one might say, a certain goal, in pursuit of which they choose one thing and avoid another... Happiness is the goal of life.”
V. Belinsky: “Without a goal there is no activity, without interests there is no goal, and without activity there is no life.”
W. James: “Believe in the fact that there is something to live for, and your faith will help this fact come true.”
P. Coelho: “Life is a mystery that you must be able to accept and not torment yourself with the constant question: “What is the meaning of my life?” It’s better to fill your life with meaning and things that are important to you.”
B. Pascal: “The past and present are our means, only the future is our goal.”
P. Tkachev: “The life goal of each individual is to preserve and maintain his individuality.”
T. Wilder: “Life has no other meaning than the one we give it.”
O. Wilde: “The purpose of life is self-expression. To manifest our essence in its entirety - that’s what we live for.”

Make connections with other people

A study by a team of psychologists from Stanford, as well as the universities of Florida and Minnesota, showed that the meaning of life largely depends on our social relationships. Strong connections with other people should benefit both us and them. They note that there is no need to try to be “comfortable” and avoid conflicts just to maintain these connections. What you definitely shouldn’t do is withdraw into yourself and push people away. Even if communication is difficult for you, you need to learn it in order to find the meaning of life.