- July 10, 2019
- Life style
- Terentyeva Anastasia
You've probably often wanted to start a new week with a clean slate. Have you ever wanted to follow a plan that will allow you to live happily? But one desire is always not enough; something more is required. But what is this? Motivation? An effort? Who knows!
To become this lover of living for your own pleasure, you first need to explore some questions. At the same time, not only take them into account or give some primitive answer, you need to start changing something. This will help you set the right priorities, which will simplify your life and turn it into what you have been craving for so long.
So let's start with real solutions.
Don't lie to yourself ever again
To live happily, you need to accept your reality. Analyze everything around you - from your surroundings to your well-being. Of course, you can ignore all your problems with such aspects, blame other people and other circumstances for the appearance of difficulties, but not yourself.
Realize that in your life everything depends only on you, and all your problems are only the fruit of your personal activities. Don't run away from the truth and don't let difficulties take their course. Show your will and face them “in equal combat.” When you do this, you will be able to understand how to live for your pleasure.
All unresolved issues will disappear over time when you take on them, and your soul will become much lighter.
Try yourself by asking questions about whether you are satisfied with everything around you? Do you like the people around you? Activities you are involved in?
If not, then don’t put off the decision!
First, you need to admit the error of your actions, conclusions and decisions, because justifying all this is pointless, because this method will not change anything. You just lost control! And that's okay! The main thing is to realize and correct.
You can try to write down in your diary (make one if you don’t have one) everything that is of value to you personally. Understand what is the highest priority and what is less important. You don’t need the rest - these are false values that drag you down and give you discomfort and dissatisfaction. Get rid of them and start pursuing your goals and objectives that will make you happy. It’s true what they say: “Live your life for your own pleasure!” Yes? This will be the first step towards such a global goal.
Good deeds
Not everyone likes to do good deeds, but it's worth a try. Making others happy is also a pleasure. Make a sandbox for children in your yard and every evening, when you come home from work, see them seriously and intently making Easter cakes and loading the car. And there is pride in my soul: “This is my merit, it was I who gave joy to the children!”
Good deed
Buy bread for your old neighbor and see the surprise and gratitude in her eyes. This is also a pleasure, although not accessible to everyone, but it’s worth a try.
Make your comfort zone where you feel good
We can be disappointed in the people we interact with for a long time and do nothing. This is fear speaking in us. Fear of change!
We are afraid to find new acquaintances, move to another city, quit a boring job. And that is why we remain dissatisfied and upset. Of course, it is difficult to get out of the mud, which is warm and safe, but this must be done in order to live in pleasure. You can create a new one for yourself, which will be filled with good people, laughter and favorite work.
You need to start by stopping communicating with parasitic people who bring nothing but disappointment into your life. After all, they are the ones who make you feel bad and upset? Then finally tell them that same “no” and forget about this futile communication.
Next, start looking for suitable people. Just let into your life those who always support you, listen, and advise you. Of course, you will need to do the same, but this is a small part of what you can give them in gratitude for their tolerance and constant support.
Dangerous symptoms
A person usually blames circumstances and other people for the fact that life is boring and gray. But this is not the reason.
People often unconsciously prohibit themselves from enjoying life.
This manifests itself in the following symptoms :
- lack of desires;
- a tendency to self-sacrifice even where it is not necessary;
- self-criticism;
- setting strict limits;
- lack of energy.
Apathy
There are several ways to change your life. To do this, you don’t need to delve into yourself, look for the reasons for what is happening. We need to act!
Don't limit yourself, everything is possible
When you are at this stage, you will most likely begin to resist some changes. It will seem to you that this is common sense speaking to you, but it is again the same fear of the unknown. It comes when after the white stripe comes a black one, and everything seems to collapse. But no, you can fix it. If you broke it, fix it! It's possible if you want it. After all, we need to live for our own pleasure? But this is impossible if you get stuck halfway.
Of course, there is no need to overestimate your capabilities either. Yes, you can do it, but maybe not now. You will probably need some kind of preparatory phase when you apply only part of the effort. The main thing is to do everything to make the goal possible, and then just “pull the hook.”
What is hedonic adaptation
The first kiss brings more pleasure and positive emotions than the fifth or thirtieth.
The first ice cream seems tastier than the same one eaten after a while. Or the joy experienced at the time of buying a new car is erased from memory, and you are left only with sadness from the price of gasoline. This happens due to the mechanism of hedonic adaptation. After a positive event that caused strong emotions and made us feel happiness, we always return to the original state - what was before the peak of euphoria.
The mechanism is also called a “hedonic treadmill”. This term was introduced in the early 70s by scientists Philip Brickman and Donald Campbell, who discovered a person’s tendency to return to the starting point of happiness, regardless of what happens in his life.
A 1978 study by Brickman and colleagues confirms P. Brickman, D. Coates, R. Janoff-Bulman. Lottery winners and accident victims: Is happiness relative? /Journal of Personality and Social Psychology theory: people who won a large sum in the lottery, after a year and a half, were no happier than those who did not win anything. Although the moment they learned about their luck, their level of happiness was much higher than usual.
Therefore, what we have is never enough for us. A salary increase is pleasing for a while, but then we want more. The delight from the first date gives way to everyday problems, and we begin to look for brighter emotions, although just recently we were more than satisfied with everything.
In fact, adaptation works both ways: we get used to the bad just as we get used to the good.
In the same study, there was another group of people who were paralyzed due to an accident. It turned out that after some time they returned to their usual level of life satisfaction. It turns out that you can really get used to anything, no matter what happens.
Trust your Self
If you live according to other people's advice and coercion, then sooner or later everything will go downhill. All because we wishful thinking. This happens due to pressure from others. But listen to yourself! What does your subconscious, your heart say? Maybe you want something different? If this is the case, then start following your goals, not the imposed ones. Only then can you begin to live in pleasure.
But how can you hear yourself?
This can be done using a simple technique:
- Find a quiet place where you can be alone with your thoughts.
- Start thinking about what you want with all your heart.
- Imagine yourself when this goal is achieved.
- Stay for a moment in this reality in your mind.
What feelings did this picture evoke? Did you feel comfortable and pleased that your wish came true?
If this did not happen, and you are still indifferent, then your “true desire” is not yours, it is imposed.
When you find yours, then feel free to start taking steps towards its fulfillment.
Pill for fear
Since ancient times, the world of any person has been filled with fears or, as they are now commonly called, phobias. Fear deprives you of pleasure . For example, you want to go on vacation to the seaside, but you’re scared to go alone. The pleasure of relaxing on the seashore flies by. Many examples can be given where a person deliberately deprives himself of pleasure.
If you have a great desire to start enjoying life, you should try to overcome your fears
in psychology . One of them is the “fear pill.” If there are fears, it means that the person is easily suggestible. Any vitamin can become a magic pill. After drinking it, you need to take the first step and overcome fear . It will be easier later. Life will open up from a new side.
Smile first of all
When we smile sincerely, luck itself comes into our lives. If you look at the future with negativity and indifference, then it will be the same in the end. Learn to react positively to things, then you will see what changes such an attitude brings about.
If you are walking down the street and all the people around you are walking with a gloomy face, then do not blend in with them. Enjoy this day, even if it is cloudy, give a smile to everyone around you so that they will smile too. Of course, we're not talking about weird happiness without a foundation when you look ridiculous. A sincere and easy smile is what you need.
Speak slowly
The ability to speak in itself is just a communication tool. But it was not without reason that the ancient sages compared it with real art, which cannot be used purely consumeristly.
The ability to speak presupposes that a person will express thoughts with respect for the interlocutor. This means that his speech will be correct, thoughtful, meaningful and devoid of empty words. Otherwise, the ability to speak will more likely cause problems than help establish communication with others.
How to achieve a positive effect from using the speech apparatus? You need to speak slowly and then every word will have value. The speaker himself will be able to feel the weight of his words, choosing them more accurately.
Parenting programs in action
And in some families it was customary to buy condensed milk in cans or red caviar - and store it in the refrigerator for six months. The child must not touch it! Why? Because you have to wait for the New Year, when mom bakes a Napoleon cake and prepares a delicious salad for the guests.
After such executions, no grown-up child will ever allow himself to enjoy shopping, or, moreover, to use it. Only in six months, only by the New Year, or rather never at all...
And there are grandmothers who will “teach” how to live correctly: “If, granddaughter, you walk around beautiful and joyful, then they will jinx you, and you will get sick, and everything will be very, very bad for you!”
“You can’t laugh and be happy! After all, then you will suffer and cry just as much!”
How many such religious beliefs exist in our society?
“We came into this world with suffering and pain, and we must live the same way! We are here not for joy, but for suffering! But we will definitely go to Heaven!”
But one of the grave biblical sins is despondency! How to deal with this?..
Joy and lightness are the essence of life
Those who have already taken the path of raising their own vibrations intuitively feel the need to be, to sound in unison with the Planet. The “Ecumenical Government” has changed. From now on, the vitality for any action and achievement of results is not obtained from struggle and overcoming oneself in difficult conditions. And from the amount of lightness, joy and permission that a person has learned to generate with his own thoughts, beliefs, emotions and attitude towards certain things and life in general.
It is important to understand that “feeding” energy from the “socket” of struggle, overcoming and the survival position in general, when “in happiness through pain”, no longer works. There's no energy there. This means that acting out of habit, gritting your teeth, feeling heaviness and mental discomfort in the hope of a “bright future at the end of the tunnel” means, firstly, draining your life force into the airlock.
Secondly, with your emotions and thoughts you can multiply similar destructiveness in your future reality.
And thirdly, to pump out life-giving energy from the future desired event, for the sake of which all these overcomings are done. As a result, why be surprised at the incomprehensible and offensive tastelessness that sets in when the result seems to have been achieved, but the feeling is “as if someone had already eaten this candy before you...”
Scenario "Sword of Damocles"
If you suddenly had a good and joyful life - wait, soon it will definitely be bad!
Remember, Damocles was given to rule the state for a while and receive all the delights and privileges of a royal luxurious life. He could have rejoiced, but all the time he saw a sharp sword hanging above his head on a horsehair, which at any moment could break and kill him...
So is our heroine. Once in her childhood she knew how to be happy, draw, play, sing songs... But her mother always yelled at her, punishing her for any offense. So the girl unconsciously became accustomed to always being afraid of retribution for her joy.
The anhedonicist believes that negative feelings give him a guarantee that things won’t get any worse.
Suffering and anxiety give him the feeling that he is in control. Even if everything was, is and will be bad - but stable! There is even a feeling of comfort, only oppressive and sad comfort. And this is normal, therefore good and correct.
If, God forbid, feelings of joy and delight arise, the person will immediately feel threatened. “After all, I can FALL! It’s painful, strong and scary! And I will scrape my white bones from the ground. What a horror! Horrible! Noooo! It’s better for me to remain in grief and sadness the old fashioned way. From here falling is not scary or painful. It’s low!”
