How to start a new life over and from scratch - why people want to live again, how to act from scratch and not think about the past

Hello, my darlings! Lyudmila Redkina is in touch. In this article I want to raise a rather banal, but very useful and relevant topic. In whose life there were no disappointments? This feeling is probably familiar to many. I was once so disappointed in a person that I couldn’t “pull myself together” for a long time. Sometimes we are simply upset about something, and sometimes we worry so much that we need to fill the spiritual emptiness with new emotions, habits, and people. And it is then that we decide to start a new life without the old one that drowns us. Together with you, we will look at how to start a new life and change yourself to become better.

How to start making changes

The very first stage is awareness of the problem. You need to admit to yourself that this order of things does not suit you, and also decide which elements of everyday life bring the greatest discomfort, and what you want to leave. It is very important here not to confuse what to remove and what to take into a changed life, because people often tend to dramatize or make mistakes, idealizing what needs to be gotten rid of. This can be the case with a man - you can love him, think that happiness is hidden in him, but in fact it turns out that he is the root of the problems.

Methods

Before starting life from scratch, it is important to understand what circumstances caused the desire for change. It has been proven that in the 21st century, humanity suffers from a common illness - postponing until tomorrow the opportunity to be happy today. In this situation, it is extremely important to gather your thoughts and begin to act immediately. Determine for yourself a deadline – the deadlines when you need to bring your plans to life. We will consider below what methods are guaranteed to help you start a new life.

Reasons to start living from scratch

The reason for change can be one of two sequences of events - an abrupt situation that turns life upside down, or a gradual, monotonous deterioration of the condition. We have compiled a list of common problematic issues that, taken together or individually, can lead to a desire to change:

Employment in an unloved place: a distant field of activity, an unpleasant team or frequent mistakes, reprimands.
Exhausted relationships: last, but do not bring joy, inspiration, have no future.
Long absence of a significant other - boyfriend, fiancé, spouse.
The presence of bad habits leads to apathy, depression, self-doubt, loss of purposefulness or a substitution of goals (instead of sports achievements, drink beer near the TV).
Medical complications - injuries, physical or mental illnesses.
Having excess weight or an unfit figure - problems with appearance often trigger a general wave of dissatisfaction with oneself.

If you feel one of the reasons presented, you need to try to cope with it or think about how to start life from scratch.

Learning to set goals correctly

At first glance, it may seem that setting a goal is not difficult at all, but achieving it is more difficult. In practice, everything is much more complicated, since setting goals correctly is an art.

At the first stage, we perform three main tasks:

we define global goals;
creates a hierarchy of goals;
We draw up a separate plan to achieve each individual goal.

Global values must be specific and actionable. For example, simply writing “I want to buy a country house” is not enough. It is important to describe the goal more specifically: “I will save money by the end of 2022, find a part-time job, and save not an n-amount of money.”

It is extremely important to move from one goal to another consistently. To do this, you will need to select several secondary goals from one main goal, which will help you quickly achieve the desired result. If you learn to plan every day, then any goal will be within your reach. Consider tips that will help you plan every day correctly:

make real, actionable plans;
If you have a large number of tasks, you should start with the most difficult ones;
record everything on paper or in notes on your smartphone;
allocate a free hour that may be needed to solve unexpected problems.

In addition, when you decide to change your life, it is important to put aside emotions, since rash actions can ruin all your endeavors. Acting rationally is the best decision in all situations. If something cannot be resolved, then do not despair. Make extra efforts, overcome yourself.

Reasons to say goodbye to the past

An urgent break with events, places, people and memories is necessary if:

Depression, apathy have appeared, you don’t want to get up in the morning.
Things fall out of hand, you can’t do your usual things.
Close people are “pulled to the bottom” - emotionally and physically, for example, by attracting them to bad habits and idleness.
You feel tired, weak, you start getting sick more often, your immunity has become worse.
Nothing makes you happy - neither the taste of ice cream, nor a conversation with your significant other.

These symptoms may tell you that something needs to be done.

Books

There are no specific instructions on how to become a different person in order to live differently. Everything described above is just recommendations and advice that you may not even use. But to reinforce your desire to move to a new city or change something else, read motivating books:

Eric Bertrand Larssen “Without self-pity. Push the boundaries of your capabilities” (electronic version on liters | paper version on labirint.ru).
Brett Blumenthal “One habit a week. Change yourself in a year” (electronic version on liters | paper version on labirint.ru).
El Luna “Between need and want. Find your path and follow it” (electronic version on liters | paper version on labirint.ru).
Robert Holden “Starting a new life!” (electronic version on liters | paper version on labirint.ru).

You can even memorize some quotes from these books. They can become the motto of your changes.

How to awaken your desire to change

It is necessary to understand your problems and the reasons that lead to their formation. Then you will have a list of unwanted people, situations, opinions, circumstances that need to be corrected. Now evaluate how harmful their impact is, what could happen in the absence of this factor.

Let's give an example. A woman is married, unhappy in her marriage, 5 years old, cannot have a child, although she is physically healthy. She secretly suffers from mutual love for her colleague, but cannot leave her unloved husband because of feelings of pity and guilt. If she changes the situation and leaves her husband, she gets a healthy relationship, family happiness, and possibly the birth of a long-awaited child.

The desire for change can be easily stimulated by embracing a brighter future.

Getting a hobby

It is extremely important to introduce new hobbies into your life. Surely, you dreamed of mastering a hobby, but circumstances forced you to put it on the back burner. Why not learn beading techniques, take a driving course or buy a gym membership? Any undertaking is useful for those who have decided to start a new life.

The time has come to realize all your secret desires and enjoy freedom without borders and frames! If the problem is a lack of funds, then you can turn your hobby into a business. For example, a craving for cooking can develop into the production of baked goods and custom-made desserts.

How to let go of the past and start life over

We become attached to the familiar - to everyday life, to acquaintances, even to the same bus. This gives a feeling of stability, success, calmness, and prosperity. The most difficult step is the first, preparatory step. It suggests a break with previous years. It could be:

Psychologist Daria Milai

Make an appointment

Leaving the family. Are you 30 and living with a mom who controls every action? You can only get rid of control, evaluation, condemnation and suppression of potential by moving away. Personal space not only makes it possible to stay awake at night and throw things around, but also to realize self-realization.
Divorce or separation from a young man. Difficult relationships that lead to nowhere, betrayals, quarrels, resentments - this wears you out emotionally and prevents you from being happy. Assess the situation - do you need to fight for the relationship or will nothing else save it? In the second case, it is necessary to separate.
Quitting a job you don't like. Identify interests and skills, find a position that bridges the two fields.

The rule of care applies to everything - stop reading a book you don’t like, watching an uninteresting movie, eating something that tastes bad, doing things that are familiar but unnecessary. When you leave, don’t look back - by giving yourself a chance to return, you reduce responsibility for decisions and confidence in action.

Making plans for the future

Planning is a valuable skill that helps you determine priority tasks and deadlines, build a certain range of tasks, and gradually move towards your intended goal. Making plans will help you get closer to your dream step by step, and not lose your initial passion.

The visualization rule works great here. Sometimes it is not enough to outline all the plans. You can create a wish map that will help you visualize your future plans. Imagine what a new life should look like. Let the image of a happy future warm your imagination and stimulate you to further achievements. If at some point your dreams seem like just a fantasy, there are several effective rules that will help you “reboot”:

to express your emotions, you can keep a special diary that will help you get rid of the negative emotions accumulated during the day;
Meditation will help you relax and put your tense nervous system in order;
fashionable detox programs will help you get your body in shape, get a boost of vigor and strength;
Water treatments also help relieve tension and fatigue.

Having an action plan will help you not get confused and go towards your goal, regardless of external factors.

Where to start a new life

I will give you 10 recommendations that can be taken as a guide to action in the first stages. To start:

Finish the things you started and cut off these ends - you should not be burdened by an unfinished obligation. Give your report, call your ex and dot the i's, write a letter of resignation and talk to your boss.
Clean up - sort out all the old trash that reminds you of your routine. Some items can be thrown away as unnecessary, the rest can be sold on one of the sites. The most valuable things should be left behind.
Forget the past. Let's give an example in relationships: throw out old photos together, hide (sell, give away) gifts, do not go to a page on social networks, do not re-read correspondence.
Live for tomorrow - plan, dream, set goals. It's pleasant and productive.
Draw a tree of tasks - in the center there are one or two large ones, below that there are smaller steps, gradually strive to complete them. For example, a big goal is buying a car, smaller ones are getting a driver’s license and approval for a car loan, raising funds for a down payment.
Come up with a motivation system. When you make the right steps and decisions, reward yourself. Incentives vary depending on specific circumstances. For example, for an overweight girl, the motive may be to lose weight, and the result may be a downward arrow on the scale.
Don’t give up, stay positive, always look on the bright side of the situation.
Visualize your “plan” by dividing the page into two columns: “leave in the past”, “implement in the future”.
Imagine the material result of where to start living in a new way - a private house instead of a one-room apartment, a magnificent wedding for 100 people, or the office of a company director. A visual picture will help you not to deviate from your intended goal.
Believe in yourself, then those around you will believe too!

Let's get inspired for change

It is quite difficult to start life from scratch when a depressive mood suppresses any endeavors, and one gives up on accumulated problems. But don’t despair, because life is wonderful, and it’s time to remember it! It’s worth looking around and understanding whether there really is a reason for change. At the first stage, it is important to pull yourself together and follow the basic steps:

Remember all the unfinished business, and try to correct the situation as soon as possible - no burdens of the past should interfere with building a life from scratch;
There is an opinion that chaos in the house begins with chaos in the head, but both concepts are interconnected - start cleaning, collect things that are not valuable, and the long-awaited enlightenment will come in the head;
It is worth letting go of people from the past who haunt you in the present - it is worth throwing away photographs and things that remind you of former lovers and comrades;
Start planning - write down both immediate plans and plans for the future;
Consider a reward system - reward yourself for achieving your goals;
Be sure to believe in yourself - without this, any endeavor is doomed to failure.

Not only dreams of a bright future, but also small joys will help you gain inspiration. Watch your favorite movie, get close to nature, go shopping. Opening up to change is not so easy, but the main thing is to set a goal and build an action plan.

Reformer

In March 2001, I headed the Samara branch of the investment company, and led it until April 2004. And then Troika Dialog lured me back.

I came and immediately began to tell how we would work - work out cold calls, maintain a CRM system, rely on service. This approach was new. After that, I took courses in system-vector psychology to understand how to behave with clients, and taught these techniques to my employees. Three months later, the unprofitable branch of Troika Dialog in Samara became profitable.

The managers - [Troika Dialog executive director] Jacques Megredichyan and [managing director] Pavel Sokolov - were surprised how I managed it. And they suggested repeating the experience in another branch. There were only five of them then - Samara, Yekaterinburg, Nizhny Novgorod, Rostov-on-Don and St. Petersburg. And all are unprofitable, except Samara.

Guys, damn it, why are you lying, it makes no difference. The only difference is in the head

I was sent to Nizhny Novgorod. I'm coming. The Troika Dialog office is as beautiful as in Samara, all the analytical materials are there. But there are no clients. Everyone is sleepy and says: “Everything is bad with us. There are no clients, competitors are not asleep. You see, we just have a completely different mentality.”

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I met with clients, found out what they wanted and what they needed. It turned out that the problem was in customer service, in the lack of consistency. I realized that the clients here are the same businessmen as in Samara, they speak the same Russian language, they all want the same thing. I told my colleagues from Nizhny what to do: keep records of clients, be polite to them, answer calls and remember to call back, take an interest in their needs and wishes, the main thing is to keep promises. And two months later this branch also became profitable.

Then I was sent to Yekaterinburg, Rostov-on-Don, St. Petersburg. Everywhere they told me: “We have a completely different mentality. Generally different." And all branches, after 2-3 months of working according to the new principles, still became profitable. The same thing happened in other cities where I opened new branches of Troika - Chelyabinsk, Perm, Vladivostok, Irkutsk, Yaroslavl, Kursk, Kaliningrad.

It was so funny to me, I thought: “Guys, damn it, why are you lying, it makes no difference. The only difference is in the head." By the way, Troika’s business principles have also always worked in the Baby Club.

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Franchisor

Why did we start franchising? We just realized that it’s difficult to split between three cities. In 2009, due to unscrupulous competitors, all “Baby Clubs” in Samara came under inspection: the fire inspectorate, the Ministry of Education, the police, and the prosecutor’s office. Despite the fact that Zhenya was at that moment the mother of two children, because of loopholes in the legislation, she could have been imprisoned for several years: if you set a goal, you can always find out why (what exactly violations the inspection authorities could make claims for, Belonoshchenko does not clarified - Forbes ). Competitors saw that Baby Clubs were earning too much. It was then that they wrote about us in Vedomosti, where we disclosed the figures (the company’s revenue for 2008 was $1.2 million - Forbes ). The next day everyone came.

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Before you sell a franchise, you need to go with your partner on a hike or, for example, to a bathhouse

This story changed our lives. We were thinking about what to do. Close? We invested money, children, again. Then they decided to launch a franchise and sell their own clubs to partners. Each of them individually will not be of interest to competitors, because it is small, but the network will remain. We did so, and they left us behind.

Yuri Belonoshchenko with his family

Franchising is a noble cause, but you need to understand that you have to work hard. Our approach to choosing partners has evolved over the years. At first we thought: let everyone buy. All people are good, the main thing is that there are more Baby Clubs. Then you look, and the partner turned out to be the wrong one: they don’t match in values, they don’t want anything, they only want everything to be done for them. It’s easier with employees: you tell him, he does it. And the partner invested money, so you have to negotiate with everyone. It is not simple.

It happened that we parted ways with franchisees (over the entire existence of the network, according to Belonoshchenko, about 10% of branches were closed for various reasons. - Forbes ). Some people dropped out and stopped teaching classes. Sometimes we ourselves said that this would not work, for example, when we noticed that a teacher smokes or a partner works with untrained employees. It happens that a person takes teaching materials and then thinks: why pay [royalties]? Decides to do everything himself. Goodbye, waved and that was it. We don’t sue them: we don’t want to waste time and effort.

We have been holding franchisee meetings all these years. Everything went smoothly before, but this time I thought I would be torn to pieces

Sometimes people ask me, if I could go back, would I franchise or open my own locations? I think I would open mine, because it’s really difficult.

Now we pay attention to whether we [and the potential buyer] have the same values. Now we have come to the conclusion that the partner must be a client of the Baby Club, we must understand what kind of person he is. Before you sell the franchise, go hiking with him or, for example, to the bathhouse.

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Tip eight. If things don't work out, try setting some goals for yourself.

Perhaps success in your quest for a new destiny will not come immediately. If you feel like your strength is running out, try setting small but true goals for yourself. For example, decide to give up such a bad habit as smoking, because it prevents you from living well. Having decided to quit this harmful activity, set a date when you will start giving up cigarettes. Try to fulfill your plans exactly.

Write a plan of your actions for yourself. And finally, having overcome the bad habit, rejoice in your victory. After all, you have already taken one step towards a new life. And the next morning tell yourself: “If I’m starting a new life, then giving up smoking is not enough, there’s still a lot that needs to be done.” Set a new goal for yourself, and then boldly go towards it. Gradually you will achieve your main goal - you will begin to live the way you want and breathe deeply.

Photographer

One day, my father’s friend came to us and repaired color TVs. This, one might say, determined my fate: I thought it was very interesting and promising, and decided to enter the Faculty of Radio Engineering. On the advice of my father, I chose aerospace institute. Plus, it was close to home.

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I made my first money when I was 11-12 years old from photography. My father also instilled love for her in me. I went to the store, bought a “Quick Guide for Photographers, Amateur Photographers,” read it, and thought: well, in principle, everything is possible.

My father gave me a little money for film. I made posters of stars—Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee—and showed printed copies to my friends at school. They bought them from me for 10 rubles, which I spent again on film.

When I was 15 years old, I was invited to take photographs of assemblies and graduations. I took my father’s Zenit-S, a cool device at that time, and started filming with it. They began to invite me to one school, then to another, then to a third. I saved up for my own professional Nikon. People saw that I was doing better than my competitors. They started tearing me apart. This is how I got my first network of clients - more than 100 schools worked only with me. The money earned was enough to buy a car.

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Financier

My father once told me: “Yur, when you do something, always do it as well as you can. And try never to be late.” I have followed these two principles ever since.

I always tried to be a little better than others. It doesn't matter if it's 10% or 1%, but a little better. When I started taking photographs, I carefully looked at what others were doing. Mostly these were grown men. They offered photos a week after the shoot. And I said that it will be ready tomorrow. And he kept his promises. If I could do something faster, I always did it faster. People were willing to pay 40% more for it.

Immediately after graduating from university in 1997, I received a job offer from a small local bank, Samara Credit. I didn't know anything about stocks and bonds, but I decided to give it a try.

If I could do something faster, I always did it faster. People are willing to pay 40% more for it

It was hard at first, but I was able to fit in and even made non-trivial decisions - for example, three days before the stock market crash, I sold all the bonds I controlled. I was called on the carpet, reprimanded, but then it turned out that I saved a huge part of the bank’s assets.

Yuri Belonoshchenko with his wife Evgenia

And in the crisis year of 1998, a Troika Dialog representative office was opened in Samara. I dreamed of going there. Troika did not hire employees without English and without an economic education. I had neither one nor the other. But when they saw how I worked, they couldn’t help but take it. For example, when colleagues did not receive clients five minutes before lunch or went out to smoke, I thought that I could still make it during this time.

After the crisis there were a lot of clients, I began to be torn. For example, one went on vacation for two weeks, returned, and I forgot to call him. I realized that I need a CRM system. The simplest version of such a QuickSales system cost about $600 - a lot of money at that time, I received $250 a month. In response to my request to buy the program, they answered: “Are you crazy? We have no budget, no money.” I took my entire salary and bought this program because I knew it would be difficult to grow without it.

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Tip three. Change your habits

At the age of 40, every person has a burden of long-formed habits behind him. And these habits often prevent us from starting a new and interesting life. For example, on weekends you are used to lying in bed until 12 noon, then lazily getting up and being idle all day. But with such laziness you will not be able to start any new life!

In order to start life first, you need considerable willpower. Therefore, it is simply necessary to change those ossified stereotypes of behavior that prevent you from moving forward. Create new positive habits for yourself: play sports, take walks around the city, go out into nature, live a new interesting and eventful life, and your success will definitely find you!

Businessman

I rode like this for 3-4 years. One day I had a meeting with Jacques [Megredichyan], where he was surprised to learn that I still live and work in Samara. He said that I needed to be in Moscow. [My wife] Zhenya and I moved - I opened new branches of Troika Dialog, Zhenya went with me and opened four Baby Clubs in six months.

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Baby Club was her idea. I helped with finances and tools, but was not involved in management. Zhenya is an economist by training, but she always wanted to work with children. She was inspired to open the first club by the birth of her daughter and the book of the Japanese scientist Masaru Ibuki “After Three It’s Too Late,” according to which the human brain is most receptive in the first years, at which time the intellectual foundation is laid.

The first club was organized in 2000 in a Samara apartment on the first floor, and neighbors were invited there. Zhenya taught the classes herself. After six months, three- to four-year-old children learned to count and read. We realized that the technique worked and started charging money for classes. By 2008, Zhenya had 23 clubs: 19 in Samara and four in Togliatti.

We invested all the money we had in clubs and sold an apartment in Samara. The network has grown to 200 clubs

I always liked coming to the Baby Club on Saturdays and Sundays. It was interesting to ask questions to clients: “What do you like and what don’t like? What should I change? I was enjoying myself and thought: “What a great job Zhenya is doing.”

After nine years in finance, I was tired, I wanted something different. I took a vacation for three months and realized that I didn’t want to go back. Zhenya suggested doing Baby Clubs. I started developing a franchise. In 2010, he returned to finance, became the general director of the Nomos Bank Management Company, and in November 2012 he headed the Uralsib Management Company, while at the same time running the club as a hobby. But in 2014, he finally left his financial career and moved to the Baby Club.

When I worked at Troika Dialog, I saw that you always have to take the best, the best, the most expensive in order to make the best product. We invested all the money we had into the clubs. We sold an apartment in Samara. We ordered a design from [Artemy] Lebedev, invested in books [about education written by Evgenia], and in training teachers. Everything was very beautiful, and people reacted to it - we attracted 160 partners, the network grew to 200 clubs.

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We don’t have a marketer; people learn about us through word of mouth. Half of the partners are those who have read the book “After Three It’s Too Late” or “Born with Character” (author Evgenia Belonoshchenko). The rest went to the Baby Club with their child, saw that it was cool, then thought: why not buy a franchise and start it ourselves?

Yuri Belonoshchenko with his family

In 2015, we went further and opened the White Crow school. Now we have 14 schools - in Moscow, Izhevsk, Surgut, Yoshkar-Ola, Kazan and other cities. Last year we opened the educational project “University of Balance”, where we tell teachers and parents everything about children.

But this does not mean that we should stop, that we should not change and develop the product. Recently, for example, I downloaded the TikTok application, I want to launch a “Baby Club” account there, because our audience is there too. Now it looks as new as CRM once did. We need to at least start.

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