“Vivid melancholic people are afraid of anything.” What is fear and how to deal with it?

Psychologists like to visually explain the difference between people with different types of temperament through the incident with the hat. The man sat down on a bench and took off his elegant headdress. Suddenly - hello, please - an inattentive passerby landed right on him. If the owner of the damaged hat is choleric, he will shout at the bungler and, having relieved his soul, will calm down. A phlegmatic person won’t even think about worrying—just think, what a disaster. The sanguine person will laugh at all. Only a melancholic person will suffer for a long time, painfully over a trifle.

The typical owner of this temperament has a difficult time living. And how difficult it is to live with him...

Is it possible to cheer up a melancholic person?

Many consider a melancholic person to be an ordinary whiner who only knows how to complain about life. He is constantly depressed, unable to become the life of the party. You should generally stay away from him so as not to become infected with pessimism (see Why I am a pessimist). This opinion is shared by many people who do not realize that the personality of a melancholic person is much more multifaceted than they are accustomed to think.

• general information
• How to recognize a melancholic person?
• Character Virtues
• Flaws
• Childhood
• Career
• Relationship building
• Health Features
• Melancholic and relationships with representatives of other types of temperaments
• Training on personality psychotypes and profiling

How to get rid of melancholy

To stop perceiving the world in gray colors, a person needs:

• analyze every situation that plunges you into despondency, identify the causes of such situations and eliminate them;
• keep the apartment clean and regularly ventilate the room;
• grow indoor plants;
• fill the apartment with cute little things that create comfort;
• systematically exercise, do morning exercises;
• maintain a daily routine;
• plan your day, week.

To make the process of getting rid of melancholy go faster, it is recommended to contact a clinical psychologist or psychiatrist. A specialist can prescribe balneotherapy, massage, or aromatherapy to a person.

In the fight against melancholy, approaches such as psychotherapy and cognitive behavioral therapy are effective. In especially severe cases, the patient is hospitalized.

general information

Melancholic people have an inert type of temperament. We can talk about the presence of the following character traits: emotionality (see Emotions), anxiety (see Anxiety disorders), high sensitivity. Among the representatives of the creative elite there are many melancholic people. Such people are introverts who always refuse to visit entertainment venues. They feel uncomfortable at noisy parties and in large companies. It’s better to spend time quietly, calmly, read a book, draw. They are considered too reserved and calm people.

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How to recognize a melancholic person?

First of all, based on such characteristics as:

• Too quiet, inexpressive speech, sometimes with defects, stuttering, rapid pronunciation of phrases);
• Drooping corners of the eyes and lips, weak facial expressions;
• Uncertain, sluggish and slow movements;
• Preference for closed poses (hands hidden in pockets).
• The desire not to stand out in the crowd with the help of nondescript clothes (see Color Psychology) and lack of makeup.

Melancholic people are distinguished by an extreme degree of indecision and wariness. They are afraid to face changes; it is much easier to live a stable life, remembering the happy moments of the past. This type of temperament is characterized by increased emotionality, but they try to restrain themselves and not show their true feelings.

Absolutely any little thing can throw such a person off balance (see How to develop stress resistance). Only on the outside they can look like a “snow iceberg,” but inside they have a real typhoon, which the people around them don’t even know about.

Any criticism, even mild and constructive, can throw a person off balance. They may get upset and shut down. Only sincere praise can serve as motivation (see Negative and positive motivation) for a melancholic person.

The suffering of an animal, an unexpected pleasant surprise, or watching a too-sad movie can cause tears in a melancholic person. It cannot be said that a representative of this type only complains about life and cries all the time. He is in a state of slight nostalgic sadness, which he cannot do anything about. He even likes her. He is able to draw inspiration from it, living again and again those feelings that were experienced earlier.

Pseudo-melancholia

ICD-10 has an unspecified mental disorder called “Senile pseudomelancholia.” This diagnosis is also called pseudodementia. This pathology can be symptomatic or functional in nature. Organic brain pathologies are not detected in psedomelancholia.

The course of the disease resembles reactive psychosis. The clinical picture of pseudomelancholia includes:

• distorted thought processes;
• speech disorders;
• distortions in motor skills.

The final diagnosis is made to the patient by a psychiatrist after an in-depth diagnosis and medical history. Pseudomelancholia can be treated with a course of antidepressants, sedatives and psychotherapy sessions.

Pseudomelancholia is a type of hysterical pathology, the distinctive feature of which is the patient’s deliberate belittlement of his intellectual abilities.

Character Virtues

Creative potential

It is important to note that a melancholic person has a rich imagination, developed intuition (see How to develop intuition), and resourcefulness. He more than enjoys creating something new, drawing energy from his creations. It is worth mentioning that a person knows how to appreciate and see the beauty of the world around him. He is able to notice the most subtle, beautiful details that other people simply do not notice.

This personality type finds inspiration in the most ordinary things. He has increased sensitivity and responsiveness to all types of arts. Only melancholic people are able to be so deeply imbued with musical works and masterpieces of world painting and literature.

Thoughtfulness

Representatives of this type of temperament like to draw conclusions, analyze and think. They are interested in reading detective stories, philosophical treatises, and being interested in various sciences. They want to solve crosswords, spend time reading, and looking for answers to logical riddles. They are able to think through everything in detail and reflect before deciding to take one step or another.

It is important to mention that melancholic people learn very quickly and have critical thinking. They manage to retain the acquired skills for a long time, which allows them to teach other people.

Developed empathy

Unlike representatives of other personality types, melancholic people are well aware of the true significance of feelings. They have a sense of compassion and highly developed empathy. They have a real gift - the ability to support, listen, and feel other people's emotions (see Emotional Intelligence). For melancholic people, the inner world of a person is of great importance.

For a long time, a melancholic person will be impressed by other people's experiences. He is distinguished by kindness, a penchant for kindness and mercy. All these qualities are manifested sincerely, without any benefit. This is the same person who is able to selflessly help strangers.

Psychologism

Melancholic people are well versed in others. They have intelligence and empathy, which allows them to literally see right through people. Of course, he is not capable, like an x-ray, of unraveling everything that is hidden in the soul of his interlocutor, but a few hours are enough to understand what a person is like. It is curious that it is melancholic people who immediately note if any problems arise in communication, in business, in the field of health and career. This is facilitated by observation and developed intuition.

Read on topic:

Quest for intuition! —

Strong character traits of a melancholic person

A melancholic person also has strong character traits:

• Thoughtfulness, a penchant for creativity, extraordinary imagination. Melancholic people grow into excellent writers, artists, scientists, and musicians.
• Constant “self-examination” and analysis of what is happening. A melancholic person, for all his isolation, is a competent and intelligent person (in most cases). He will reflect on many topics and look for new solutions to certain problems.
• Devotion in relationships . It is known that a melancholic person is not inclined to change friends and lovers. Choosing long and carefully, he remains faithful to his chosen ones and values ​​​​the friendship of trusted people.
• A melancholic person will be one of the first to come to the rescue, show care and give everything he has to those in need. For all his secretiveness, he has a kind heart.
• The melancholic person, although he enters into disputes, tries to end them peacefully and remain on good terms with his opponent.
• A melancholic person is critical of himself and his activities; he tries to achieve perfection in work and relationships.
• A melancholic person has a rich imagination and is endowed with powers of observation.
• Melancholic people, with their own isolation, are able to listen to another person and advise him on a way out of a difficult situation.

To summarize, let's say that melancholic is a special type of temperament in which a person remains passive and does not show initiative in life and work, and is often in a depressed and depressed state. But with external gloominess, a person has a subtle mental organization and experiences everything that happens within himself. You can find a common language with a melancholic person if you don’t get into his soul, ask his opinion and treat him kindly.

See also: More about the “Phlegmatic” temperament type

Flaws

Touchiness

People with this temperament can take on the role of a victim. They often offend with or without reason. They are distinguished by vindictiveness, inability to express emotions, and let go of grievances (see How to forgive grievances). Melancholic people are able to remember grievances for a long time. They would be happy to take revenge, but indecision and isolation (see Introvert) do not allow them to commit this act.

Vulnerability

A representative of this temperament is still a pessimist (see Why I am a pessimist). It is not easy for him to find reasons for joy, while sadness can arise without any apparent reason. He is afraid of many things, takes many aspects too warily and seriously. Melancholic people can boast of a huge number of fears, which take the form of phobias (see Phobias and their treatment with hypnosis).

It is curious that innocent criticism or a careless joke can turn into a deep insult for melancholic people. They may be offended by an accidentally thrown word, which representatives of other temperaments would have forgotten long ago.

Focus on other people's opinions

Melancholic people are characterized by increased stubbornness, a tendency to consider their own opinion the most important and irreplaceable. Surprisingly, such people still suffer from low self-esteem (see How to Increase Self-Esteem). It does not allow you to adequately perceive even constructive criticism.

• When praised, the melancholic person simply blossoms, and excitement appears to continue the activity. He can continue work that does not bring pleasure, just to hear compliments and pleasant words again.
• When criticized, a melancholic person is able to fall into a depressive state and stop any attempts to change the situation. He will give up his favorite activities, believing that he is simply mediocrity, although this has no objective basis.

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Perfectionism

A melancholic person always strives to do the job perfectly. This can only be prevented by his emotionality, which can cause serious problems. It is worth mentioning the presence of increased demands both on yourself and on the people around you. This may not please his colleagues, as well as close people.

Childhood

A child with this type of temperament absolutely loves learning something new. If he avoids severe stressful situations, interest in learning will remain for a long time. Most often, a melancholic person successfully studies in almost all subjects. Much depends on the attitude of the teacher himself. He must take into account the characteristics of the child, who finds it easier to work independently than in a group. It is important to understand that a melancholic person is afraid to raise his hand to answer and can easily lose concentration. He doesn't like physical education because he needs to prove himself.

Friendly relations

At any age, a melancholic person does not like to be the center of attention (see Why attention is important). He will feel more comfortable when he can be alone with himself, read a book, or draw. You can't expect him to try to get to know you first. He is quite hesitant to get along with his peers and can be friends with younger children. A melancholic person may lose friends due to his tendency to be a homebody. At the same time, he values ​​his close people very much. He doesn’t want to change friends or start empty conversations.

Features of education

A child with this type of temperament may well become a victim of school bullying (see Bulling - school bullying). People around him may try to “stir up” him, to bring out his emotions. Often, peers do not like a child who is too serious and is interested in “smarter things.”

A melancholic person will suffer from a lack of respect from people around him, but will never tell his parents. It is important to notice any changes in your child's behavior.

How is melancholy different from depression?

K. Jaspers highlighted the differences between melancholy and depression:

Career

It is easier for a person with this type of temperament to occupy the position of a subordinate. He prefers to simply do his job well. The most suitable professions are: artist, accountant, programmer, scientist, nurse, psychologist. They like work related to analytical thinking and the search for the meaning of life (see How to find your place in life).

A melancholic person has a hard time tolerating:

• Huge responsibility, risk, fast pace of work;
• Tensions in the team, conflict situations, intrigues (see: Got stuck at work);
• Long work without breaks (need breaks every 2-3 hours);
• Constant cooperation (effectiveness of individual work);
• Changeability, lack of social insurance and fixed wages.

It is important to realize that such a specialist will be extremely indispensable in situations that involve the disclosure of creative potential, calculations, forecasting, learning new things, showing empathy, and helping other people.

Causes

The causes of melancholy are:

• genetic predisposition caused by frequent stress and negative thoughts of a woman during pregnancy;
• melancholic type of temperament;
• frequent criticism from parents, excessive demands from parents for the child;
• overprotection;
• unfavorable climate in the school community, low socio-psychological status of the child in the peer group;
• lack of opportunities to meet the needs for self-development and self-realization;
• inferiority complex;
• a series of failures in life;
• fatalistic personality attitudes;
• unrequited love;
• loss of a close relative;
• low self-esteem;
• a person reaching old age;
• skepticism;
• gambling addiction;
• drug and alcohol use.

Relationship building

Quite often, melancholic people are monogamous. They are distinguished by devotion, loyalty, and willingness to help, despite their own inconveniences. A person with this type of temperament expects a similar attitude from his partner.

It is important to realize that a melancholic person greatly values ​​emotional intimacy. He wants to feel, hear and see that he is loved. Each time a person will look for confirmation of feelings. As soon as the candy-bouquet period ends (see Psychology of relationships between men and women), the melancholic person experiences a real tragedy. He will believe that feelings and good attitudes disappear.

The need for emotional support is not an obstacle to a melancholic person’s love of solitude. The most important thing is that he does not spend all his time alone (see Psychology of loneliness), which will lead to depressive disorder. It is important to realize that a person with this type of temperament does not like to swear, but may burst into tears because he had a dream about a breakup.

In addition, a melancholic person will exhibit the following behavioral characteristics:

• Excessive romanticism, which will be appreciated in a partner;
• Expects that the relationship may deteriorate;
• Try to maintain relationships because you become attached to a loved one;
• Loves to please other people, forgetting about his own interests;
• Wants to see strong personalities next to him in order to feel their care;
• Demanding, but kind-hearted towards children.

Signs

Melancholicism does not allow a person to enjoy life. Melancholy can be recognized by the following signs:

• the patient's motor activity decreases;
• apathy appears;
• a person’s actions become slow, and reactions to external stimuli become inhibited;
• the skin becomes too dry;
• pupils dilate;
• eating disorders are noted;
• a person loses a lot of weight in a short period of time;
• the individual cannot fall asleep, but constantly wants to sleep;
• concentration of attention decreases, the individual becomes distracted;
• there is indifference to what is happening around;
• what was previously important to a person loses all meaning;
• the individual is tormented by thoughts of his own insignificance;
• a reduced emotional background prevails;
• a person is overcome by groundless experiences;
• melancholy does not allow the patient to work productively;
• nothing makes a person happy;
• the individual focuses on negative life events;
• panic attacks are observed;
• phobias develop;
• oppressive feeling of guilt;
• a person engages in self-accusation, self-criticism, self-flagellation;
• delusions, obsessive thoughts and actions appear;
• suicidal thoughts appear.

Against the background of a melancholic disorder, a person may develop hypochondria.

Health Features

The nervous system is considered the most vulnerable point of a melancholic person (see Psychosomatics and its causes). It is characterized by poor resistance to stress, which makes it susceptible to any diseases. It is worth noting that the largest number of strokes is observed in melancholic people.

Another problem area for a person with this type of temperament is the lungs. He is used to keeping emotions to himself, which leads to psychosomatic disorders (heaviness in the chest, cough, asthma).

You can also note the presence of problems with posture (scoliosis, stoop). Incorrect position of the vertebrae leads to pinching of blood vessels and nerve endings. You may encounter neurological problems (headaches, fainting, dizziness).

What is melancholy

Melancholy is a person’s mental state, characterized by a decrease in vitality, melancholy, and sadness.

The term "melancholy" was coined by Hippocrates. Melancholy characterizes a person with a weak nervous system. Since the type of temperament is an innate characteristic of a person, we can say with confidence that melancholy is characteristic of sensitive introverts. It characterizes a special type of human worldview. A melancholic person acutely experiences any life events.

Synonymous concepts for this disorder are:

• melancholic disorder without psychotic symptoms;
• severe depressive episode without psychotic symptoms;
• agitated depression;
• vital depression.

A decrease in the emotional background in the fall is not considered as a feature of temperament or a mental disorder, since natural disasters in the form of heavy rains, low skies, piercing winds and dullness cause a decrease in mood and loss of strength in any person.

The withering of nature gives rise to sad thoughts, but they should not be considered as a pathological state of the human soul.

Melancholic and relationships with representatives of other types of temperaments

Melancholic-melancholic

We can talk about a creative emotional tandem, people in which understand each other well and value the couple’s personal space. Another issue is that partners can hush up problems, which leads to feelings of guilt (see Overcome feelings of guilt) and difficulties in communication.

Two melancholic people show themselves best in friendship and work. This is a real club of like-minded people, where people will support each other and help each other to express their emotions.

Melancholic-sanguine

Such a marriage has many prospects. An active sanguine person will help a partner become discouraged less often. A melancholic person will learn to enjoy life (see what is the secret of happiness), discover new horizons, receive more vivid emotions and impressions. There will be no drastic changes, but the care of the sanguine person will be appreciated.

The friendships will be wonderful. A melancholic person will be able to draw inspiration from his friend. You won't be able to act together at work. The sanguine person will try to push all the work onto the melancholic person.

Read the description of Sanguine here:

Melancholic-phlegmatic

In terms of work, the relationship will be excellent. If we take friendship, then the phlegmatic person will frighten the melancholic person with his indifference and “woodiness.” He will not understand how you can say anything to a person and not receive an emotional response. No relationships can be built, since people will not be able to interest each other. Their communication will quickly come to naught.

Read the description of Phlegmatic here:

Melancholic-choleric

Our hero will be dissatisfied with the activity, assertiveness, arrogance and tactlessness of the choleric person. He doesn’t like that a person is “too noisy” or tries to violate personal boundaries. Of course, a melancholic person would like to say a lot to a choleric person, but he will be afraid to declare his dissatisfaction. He will simply harbor a grudge (see How to forgive a grudge) and will avoid the company of this insolent person. We can say that such a couple will take place, but only for a short time.

Experts advise not to be afraid of melancholic people, with whom it can be difficult because of their pessimism, tendency to criticize and gloom. In fact, their personality is much more diverse and multifaceted. The main thing is to notice the positive sides of such a person, as he is capable of becoming a wonderful friend and partner. There are very few people in the world who have empathy, are able to support in difficult times and arrange a grand romantic evening.

Read the description of Choleric here:

Description in colors

I guess that the article will be read either by the melancholic people themselves or by their loved ones. And - please: react adequately when any moments seem offensive to you. We will not talk about character, not about abilities, but only about adjustable mental properties, which, by the way, are extremely rare in their pure form.

Temperament is the biological foundation of personality, which is determined by the type of higher nervous activity - a stable ratio of strength, balance and mobility of excitation/inhibition processes.

A melancholic person has a type of GNI:

• weak;
• unbalanced;
• low excitability.

Such a person “doesn’t respond to everything, but when he does respond, he feels strongly, although he expresses his feelings little” (1). In a stressful situation, he becomes lost, becomes passive (or, on the contrary, commits an irrational act).

Since intense exposure to external stimuli unsettles a melancholic person, he usually develops a tendency towards introversion.

Signs of a melancholic person

The bearer of temperament is identified by the following characteristics:

• obvious desire to maintain distance between oneself and the interlocutor (see);
• quiet voice - up to a whisper;
• poor facial expressions;
• poor gestures.

He doesn't wave his arms while sharing an interesting thought. His movements are more like grooming - he straightened his clothes without any special need, twirled his bangs around his finger...

A.V. Petrovsky gives an expressive portrait of the melancholic Kolya M., who is in sixth grade (2):

During lessons he is calm, always sits in the same position, twirling something in his hands. (…) Very restrained in expressing feelings. Having received a “D”, without changing his face at all, he goes to his place, but at home, according to his parents, he cannot calm down for a long time, unable to get down to work. Answers hesitantly, hesitatingly, even if he has carefully prepared.

Kolya slowly “thaws out” even in a situation that evokes pleasant emotions. The class was taken to the circus. At first the boy sat with a motionless face and only after a few minutes began to smile and talk with other guys.

An adult melancholic reacts to a new environment less sharply, but is wary of changes and does not initiate them: “having moved to a new house, even a year later he does not know who lives on his landing” (3).

Positive and negative traits

These people:

• perceive original proposals from outside and their own bold ideas too critically;
• limit themselves in communication, acquiring a reputation as a homebody;
• they waste their energy on self-pity and self-flagellation;
• react painfully to comments (for them, a remark is the first signal of a hypothetical conflict and an uninvited topic for painful reflection);
• get tired quickly and lose enthusiasm if something doesn’t go according to plan;
• They give up too early in the face of difficulties.

However, they have undeniable advantages . Spending a lot of time in the inner world and constantly analyzing his own experience, the melancholic person grows as a person.

I.G. Shupeiko and co-authors note (4):

Persons with such a temperament are often people of honor, conscience and devoted friends.

The desire for solitude also has a downside. Melancholic people are self-taught. In the article “The influence of temperament on the learning of foreign languages” G.Yu. Tsyganok and O.V. Sergeeva emphasize that people of this type have a good chance of mastering the language individually (5).

An undisturbed melancholic person works concentratedly and productively. The bosses are not afraid to rely on him: he will fulfill his obligations, if not out of a sense of responsibility, then out of fear of reproach.

Where can such a person realize himself?

With a weak type of GNI, he will find himself in work of a creative or intellectual nature, which does not involve publicity.

He will make an excellent home worker.

Advice for a manager who has a melancholic person on his staff: allow such a specialist to work as autonomously as realistically.

Here is a story from my recent past (if you haven’t already guessed, the author of the blog is a model melancholic). I collaborated on an ongoing basis with one editorial team. The office was cramped, and I wrote the texts at home - I arranged interviews myself, monitored deadlines myself, sent finished materials by email, and saw my boss and colleagues only at the weekly planning meeting. They were delighted with me, and I was delighted with them until a strictly defined moment: the newspaper’s advertisers had an emergency, and the manager decided to bring in additional forces to help them. I was given an ultimatum to work in the office for a week, calling potential advertisers.

I will never forget five days of this nightmare: strangers were sitting half a meter away from me all day long - they were out of sorts because of the bonus they had paid and were constantly teasing each other; I have to make ten to twenty calls to even more strangers before lunch and the same number after; at least a third of subscribers are determined to send me into the woods... The emergency has passed. Everything is back to normal. But as soon as the right opportunity arose, I quit.

To a sanguine or phlegmatic person my story will seem like baby talk. Other melancholic people will understand.

Difficulties in family relationships

According to T.V. Andreeva and A.V. Tolstova (6), the greatest satisfaction with marriage occurs in a couple where the husband is sanguine and the wife is melancholic: the partners complement each other and distribute roles without conflict. The most difficult case is the union of a melancholic person with a choleric person:

Both spouses are unrestrained in their behavior and statements, but at the same time, both are easily vulnerable and have a hard time experiencing any situations in which their pride is hurt.

Thunder and lightning subside if the power of a choleric person turns into a desire to take care of a loved one.

Relationships with a phlegmatic person for a representative of a melancholic temperament develop normally, but they often lack warmth and mutual assistance.

Don’t take these observations from psychologists the way a fan of astrology would treat a fresh horoscope. Ultimately, the decisive role is played by the desire of the spouses to understand and accept each other.

Accepting melancholic means:

• discuss problematic topics without noise: even a raised voice slightly drives him into a stupor;
• don't make fun of him;
• give him enough time to think about important decisions;
• Avoid by all means the disruption of common plans.

He will respond with a serious attitude towards the concerns of a loved one, with a willingness to listen and support.