Without a doubt, there is a special taste in anticipation, but real changes are much more desirable, since they deprive our lives of the dull monotony in the style of “Groundhog Day”. The easiest way is to change your surroundings: city, work, home, car, wardrobe. Changing a partner, which has become a simple undertaking in our cosmopolitan age, can also add color to everyday life. Updating one's appearance is the most exciting method, the interest in which is being successfully stimulated by the huge industry of beauty transformations. However, according to popular opinion, when you get carried away by the whirlpool of changes, you risk losing your taste for them. Therefore, before you move to another country, leaving your job and a nice home, you should think about this: maybe you need to change yourself first?
This, by the way, is a fundamental question that has been discussed by psychologists for centuries: “Can you become happier by changing your own personality?” Scientists suggest a hidden resource for actionable change between accepting who you are and striving for who you want to be. After talking with specialists, I concluded that many of them tend to consider rigid stability rather than a desire for change to be a pathology. In other words, in order to develop, you need to permanently change something in yourself: you can first outside, and then inside - and vice versa. The main thing that hinders us on this blessed path is the fear of surprise and loss of ourselves. Because the new “me” may not be the one you want. A new identity is a pig in a poke, and we love guarantees. It turns out that objective awareness of personal shortcomings and internal consent to change oneself is half the battle. The second point is to clearly imagine what we want to achieve. And when the answer is received, it’s time to look for a method.
What is personality?
Personality is a set of psychological traits that include all or most of our emotions and perceptions. It is a structure that shapes your behavior and how you interact with others and yourself.
Personality is also your self-esteem and the image you present to the world. In this sense, personality is like a mask that you show to everyone else. It is a kind of strategy that you use to hide certain things about yourself in order to gain social acceptance.
In fact, the word "man" comes from the Latin word "persona", which means an actor's mask. Actors in ancient times used masks to be able to portray multiple characters in one play.
The value of fighting yourself
So I will insist that the reader of these lines, instead of ruining himself by believing in the immutability of his personality, still takes it and tries to work on himself and change. Even if he fails to become what he wants, his efforts will still be rewarded. Because struggling and trying to cope with the internal resistance that will definitely arise along the way if you want to change yourself always pays off!
By acting in spite of resistance, against your weaknesses and ingrained habits, you train your will and strengthen your character. The degree of control over your feelings increases and a sober understanding of what is happening inside you and what guides you comes!
And exactly the opposite. An individual who is accustomed to viewing himself as a set of unchangeable characteristics, habits, shortcomings and pathologies is always led by his character and weaknesses. He remains as he is.
His will is not tempered in the fight against feelings; he is controlled by his Ego, fears and complexes. Every day he capitulates to them: his will weakens, and his true essence begins to fade behind the abundance of shortcomings and habits.
Internal struggle and resistance and their value are the core of my system of self-development and self-improvement. The value of these things is not only of an instrumental nature (i.e., not necessarily only a means to achieve a certain goal: fighting complexes in order to defeat them), but also carry enormous value in themselves. I will write about this more than once in more detail.
When you need to change your personality
As we mentioned above, age can make change more difficult because your personality is more deeply ingrained. But that doesn't mean you can't make some changes as an adult.
We've all heard people say things like "I am who I am" or "I'm too old to change." In some cases this is partially true, but each of us can change our personality if we put in the effort.
Making changes like this is actually a therapeutic necessity for people with personality disorders. These are people who have a number of behavioral patterns and psychological mechanisms that create serious problems for themselves or for others.
- How marriage changes your personality
These problems typically lead to distress, anxiety, aggression, loss of self-control, and frustration, among other things. Personality disorders also affect their relationships with other people and can make it difficult for them to integrate into society, ultimately leading them to become isolated and lonely.
Analyze this
The results of a large-scale study of personality changes undertaken by Australian psychologists showed that the vast majority of participants wanted to be more sociable, pleasant, conscientious, emotionally stable and open to new experiences. You don't need to be a professional to understand that all these desires are rooted in dissatisfaction. People want to be more sociable if they are unhappy with their sex life or friends; more conscientious if they are depressed by their personal financial situation, work or study. American psychologist Roy Baumeister called the study's findings a "crystallization of discontent," arguing that once people recognize important shortcomings in their lives, they can change values and priorities to improve the situation.
A creative approach to personal improvement is not our method. Few people are able to focus on self-improvement by listening alone to the subtle vibrations of their own nature. People respect standard values, strive for similar goals and predictably seek common solutions; we want proven coaches, positive feedback, friendly advice, correct guidelines, and pleasant company. By choosing the beaten path, we accept the risk that we may never get to our honest and personal desires, setting our sights on changes that are accessible to everyone - like store-bought clothes rather than custom-made ones. But we will certainly be healthier, more open, more positive - and happier! - in these cute “new clothes”.
There are many common misconceptions about objective personality assessment. For example, social psychologist Walter Michel argued that any definition of personality is largely a myth. A person’s actions at a particular moment depend more on the situation, and not on some individual entity. Later, psychologist Seymour Epstein made a series of observations of the behavior of people experiencing various developmental events - from impulsivity to happiness, from anxiety to problem solving. He discovered that Dr. Michel was right, although partly: the behavior of an individual is largely dictated by the situation, but at certain moments a person’s character pushes him to original actions. Subsequent studies confirmed Epstein's conclusions: throughout an ordinary day, each of us behaves more or less evenly, inexpressively fluctuating “from the general to the specific,” but in special situations we are ready to use hidden potential. For example, we often crave some privacy during the day, but some need it much more than others. Sounds a bit boring? There is a little, although this does not mean at all that the majority of humanity is a conservative swamp and hostages of the Matrix. And which of us is capable of surprising others every hour with unique antics?
The ideal definition of a personality is a psychologically stable introvert, open to new experiences as far as his habits and character allow. Genes, of course, take an active part in the formation of behavior patterns, but there is nothing sacramental about stability: having realized the reasons and outlined the goal, we can successfully (albeit slowly) change personal attitudes.
You can change your personality, but it's not that easy
Correcting and replacing your behavioral patterns with others requires a lot of resources, including motivation and time.
You also have to remember that these patterns are formed by repeating the same behavior in similar situations. For example, some people have behavioral patterns that involve running away from situations.
These people either try to prevent a situation from happening in the first place, or run away if they failed to predict it. They find it difficult to stop, even if they know it will hurt them.
In the short term, they avoid pain and suffering by running away from their problems. But this behavior can lead to more serious problems in the future, and they may even feel unable to lead a normal life.
Is it unnatural to change for the better?
Once I ran into such an objection. “Like, yes, you can change yourself, but why do it? Isn't this unnatural? You are who you are, why show violence against a person?” I asked counter questions: “Well, what do you think shaped your personality, what factors influenced its formation? Why are you the way you are now? It must be due to upbringing, parents, social circle and some innate parameters (heredity, natural predispositions, etc.).
Basically, all these factors are random, those that you could not influence. After all, parents are not chosen and social circles are not always chosen either. Not to mention heredity and genes. It turns out that you consider the development of you as a person under the influence of external, arbitrary factors that do not greatly depend on your will to be natural.
And attempts to consciously influence your character and habits, based on an understanding of who you want to become and the formation of what qualities in you meet your goals - does this mean unnatural? To be led by external circumstances, attributing everything to chance...
What is so right and natural about this? And why is conscious work on oneself, changing oneself for the better in order to achieve happiness and harmony perceived as violence against oneself?”
On the contrary, by independently determining the vector of your own development, you bring the order into your life that you yourself desire and do not allow external circumstances to completely decide what you will be like. This brings you closer to the implementation of your life plan, to satisfaction with yourself, your life and your environment, which you choose yourself, and are not content with what external circumstances have imposed on you.
Regarding the question “why change yourself?” I answer this question, perhaps, in most of my articles, both explicitly and implicitly. I will answer again. Self-development is a dynamic process of continuous improvement of all the best human qualities.
You can change your personality by throwing out old psychological mechanisms
Changing your personality usually involves uprooting certain mechanisms and replacing them with healthier patterns over time.
You will have to face your problems head-on. This will make you feel like you are truly capable of overcoming difficult situations. It also boosts your confidence. This process helps you learn to face challenges and realize that they have the power to guide your personal growth.
It's also worth remembering that it's easier to change your personality by focusing on specific goals. So this can be a huge help to figure out exactly what you want to change or what will change (specific details).
Also read these articles about personality:
- 7 Personality Traits That Will Make You Invulnerable
- 8 Physical Qualities That Reveal Your Personality
- 5 Truths You Must Learn to Start Your Personal Growth
— How to achieve the desired image?
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For the desired self-image to become achievable, the following conditions must come into force:
1) Understanding the reasons for what prevents you from turning your plans into reality.
2) Changes don't have to be huge. If you want to change radically, then it is unlikely that you will be able to immediately change the situation and change your usual way of reacting and thinking. Be less ambitious. Outline a few simple steps that can lead you to your cherished goal.
3) Methods aimed at changing you should be easy and simple. The most important thing is to believe in your success and you will certainly succeed.
Representatives of the scientific world also do not consider personality as a static entity. They believe that it can change either under the influence of external circumstances, situations, or purposefully, at the will of the owner himself.
Read the article about personality magnetism.
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What influences the desire to adjust behavior and thinking
There are a lot of ways that push a person to transformation. On the negative side, it could be:
- stress as an incentive to abandon previous behavior patterns or lifestyles;
- psychological trauma, which can be expressed in the desire to do to other people the same way they did to you;
- other factors that left a bright and strong imprint on the soul.
But there are no less positive prerequisites for transforming the psyche. These include:
- exit from a stressful situation, accompanied by a change in environment (you just met a good person who is ready to help you get back on your feet. This brought hope and relief, so your way of thinking and, accordingly, behavior changes);
- the desire to complete the previous life stage that has outlived its usefulness or did not cause satisfaction (drastic changes: moving to another city, leaving a toxic relationship, changing occupation, the stage of motherhood, etc.);
- other factors.
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Regardless of the reason, transformation is never spontaneous. This process is a natural desire to change your life, to make it more convenient for yourself in a specific period of time.
What do psychologists say about the “new form”?
The process of transformation in psychology is one of the fundamental stages of understanding the world, therefore it is studied in the context of a widespread analysis of behavior, consciousness and other “grains” of the human “I”. There is even an opinion that the very subject of psychology is the science of transformations of the psyche.
This is explained by the variability and flexibility of the mechanisms of mental activity and mental states of a person, which ultimately helps in adapting to the current conditions of a plastic environment.
Simultaneous changes in essence occur in three planes: “I” - “World” - “I am in the world”. Where:
- “I” changes due to natural psychophysiological processes of growth and maturation. It is directly influenced by the social environment, welfare factor, family relationships and more.
Photo by RODNAE Productions: Pexels
- “The world” is the environment around you to which you need to adapt. At a minimum, it depends on the country in which you were born, the mentality of its population, economic and political well-being.
- “I am at peace” is your behavior in conditions of instability.
The latter implies a set of reactions that you show in difficult or new situations.
What is the difference between temperament and character?
To understand whether personality can be changed, you must first understand what exactly defines it. We know that it depends on many factors. These include genetics, upbringing, experience and environment. Your temperament depends on genetics, and everything else shapes your character.
Temperament is a person’s naturally determined tendency towards a certain style of behavior. Roughly speaking, we are born with it. Consequently, temperament forms the basis for the formation and development of character.
Character is individual characteristics of behavior. We acquire it, to a greater extent, depending on environmental conditions.
Components of the concept of “transformation” in psychology
Every particle of the human psyche is subject to change in form. It affects behavior. If you pay attention, you will see that your reaction to certain events at different times in your life is different. So, you love parties and noisy companies during your school years, but as you grow up, you often close the windows when a group of teenagers is noisy in the yard.
What is personality transformation?
Similar changes occur in the way of thinking. In the process of interacting with the world, you adapt to its rules and conditions. For example, you learn to deny yourself some purchases if they have a negative impact on the overall budget.
Points of view on objects, beliefs, beliefs, expectations - all this refers to the “moving” and plastic layers of the psyche. They are able to shift in their priorities, change 180 degrees, update themselves taking into account new incoming factors, and more.
Thus, the transformation of the psyche is a normal and constant phenomenon. However, along with this, it does not occur suddenly, so as to exclude a global load on the brain and nervous system and not provoke mental disorders.
Exploitation of the phenomenon of transformation in art
The phenomenon of transformation is actively used in various fields of art. So, in the fairy tale of the Brothers Grimm, a hardworking girl is reborn into a bee, and in George Sand, a lazy fat man becomes a bumblebee.
Filmmakers also often turn to this process. For example, Tom Hanks's character makes a wish to become an adult and in the morning he begins a completely new life. And the main negative character of the film about the red dragon performs certain actions with the aim of rebirth. It seems to him that in this way he will be able to reincarnate (or transform) into a mythical creature whose equal does not exist.
These images are completely different: some are kind, some are not, some like the new image, while others have to adapt to unusual circumstances. But they have one thing in common - the transformation of views, worldview, thinking and other foundations of human behavior.
Photo by Ron Lach from Pexels
From a viewer's point of view, this process is quite fascinating to watch. However, these are collective images, the essence of the transformation of which is limited by the timing of the film. In practice, the process takes much longer and requires certain conditions for its implementation.
