When you are called to the board, assigned to make a report at a student conference, sent to your partners to defend a new project, waited at the table to make a toast in honor of the hero of the day, provoked at a party to perform a solo dance - you feel like you are being sent to the scaffold, for which will be followed by inevitable execution.
Tightness, isolation, shyness are your worst enemies, poisoning all the delights of daily existence. But you can’t do it any other way. Cheerfulness is not your strong point, you are always sad even without a reason. Self-improvement and personal development are also not about you, as if nothing will work out again, everyone will laugh.
In this article:
Why do you stop yourself? How do people become prisoners of tension? How to get rid of internal tensions
How do we deal with unexpressed emotions and stress?
1. We hush up grievances and suppress aggression. However, with this approach, tension does not disappear, but remains inside and from the depths of the subconscious continues to influence a person.
2. We suffer from goal-seeking. The imposed ideals of material well-being and comfort, the conditions for achieving them, the focus on the final result, and not on life at the moment, keep us in constant tension. Hence muscle tension, spasm of blood vessels, hypertension, osteochondrosis, peptic ulcer and much more.
3. We protect ourselves from displeasure with the help of the muscle armor function. However, the body pays for this protection by reducing its capacity for pleasure. The muscular shell is formed in seven conventional segments, consisting of muscles and organs. These segments are located in the eyes, mouth, neck, chest, diaphragm, abdomen and pelvis.
We all come from childhood.
Alexander Kletsky Psychologist, psychotherapist @alexander_kletsky
Raised shoulders, slouching are a kind of readiness to strike. Such clamps can also indicate low self-esteem. Slouching and raised shoulders indicate children's problems: parents offend and humiliate the child, the child cannot stand up for himself, cannot give a worthy rebuff to offenders. After growing up, this person may be haunted by the same problems; he will always expect threats from others.
Slouching and hunching is a game of sacrifice. As a rule, victims have certain bonuses by performing such a role: they are sympathized with, encouraged more than others, and made more concessions, but such a role does more harm than good. Is it worth it?
Clumsiness is a consequence of a disconnect between body and mind. If a person is clumsy, this indicates that parents did not initially invest in the development of physical abilities: they did not enroll in sports clubs or dances, did not encourage sports achievements, and considered physical education an extra subject at school.
Subsequently, as an adult, such a person does not realize the value of physical training and does not engage in sports or other activities. Stumbles, crashes, constantly drops or breaks something.
Why does tightness occur?
Having found the root of the problem, we will take the first step towards solving it. Tightness does not arise out of the blue; a person becomes like this as a result of past experience, psychological trauma and mistakes. He simply does not see positive options for the development of the situation, focusing on the negative and acting according to the usual scenario.
So what makes us behave this way?
- Fear. A person is afraid of doing something wrong and running into a negative reaction from the environment. It seems to him that any spoken word or simple action will cause anger, condemnation, indignation. The imagination of squeezed people paints terrible pictures of how they are kicked out of an event, laughed at, humiliated. In most cases there is nothing to be afraid of, but it is difficult to think rationally in a state of nervous tension.
- Stress. It would seem that a person understands that there is nothing to be afraid of and nothing terrible has happened, but it is difficult for him to utter even a word in a situation that worries him. Emotions are so overwhelming that the body is almost paralyzed. The point here is the stress that a timid person experiences, and it is difficult for him to cope with it.
- Psychological trauma. Negative experiences that you have had before, perhaps even as a child, remain in your memory forever. For example, you were laughed at at school when you answered in class. After that, public speaking became a lifetime of torture for you. It is important to work through such situations rather than try to force them out of memory.
How to avoid clamps
1. Urgently improve your self-esteem and love yourself.
2 . Finally understand that the world is not a source of threat.
3. Do dancing, sports, stretching and other activities that suit you.
4. Resort to meditative practices.
5. Find meaning in life: do what you really like.
6. Practice af.
7. Do something useful for someone: invest in charities, orphanages, buy flowers from a grandmother in the passage and give them to another grandmother who feeds kittens at the entrance. This will significantly improve your self-esteem.
8. Just take care of yourself, the beauty and hygiene of your body, your clothes and hairstyle.
How to overcome tension
Whatever the cause of isolation and constriction, it is necessary to fight the existing behavior scenario.
You are a versatile, developed personality, don’t hide in a shell, let me get to know you and your abilities better.
Describe situations when you feel awkward
Write down times during which you felt tense and shy. Formulate what specifically was difficult for you. You shouldn’t write that it’s embarrassing to communicate with people. Be more specific about who worries you the most: strangers on the street, pretty girls, colleagues.
After you have written down all the worrying factors, arrange them in ascending order, starting with the easiest situations. And fight them according to the list. Along the way, your confidence will grow, and you'll approach challenging tasks with energy and enthusiasm.
Make a list of your strengths
Every person is unique and has something to be proud of. You are no exception. Write down all your skills and strengths. Do not be modest, what is insignificant for you is an unattainable peak for others.
Write everything: you are an active traveler, write poetry, read a lot, swim fast. Don't miss anything.
Re-read the entire list carefully. You really have something to be proud of. Maybe it’s worth revealing your talents to the whole world, and not hiding them deep inside yourself?
Visualize Success
When starting a new business, it’s easy for us to imagine all the stages of failure and shame. But why concentrate on the negative, try to visualize success. A positive attitude will help you achieve not only imaginary success, but also real one.
You can follow one of the following paths: visualizing the final success or fixating on the successful development of events. In the first case, you need to feel like a winner, a person who succeeded. Imagine the enthusiastic applause of the audience at a performance, praise, glory.
In the second case, think through each step and how gradually you will achieve success. Feel how you enter the room, everyone is looking at you, you approach the most beautiful girl, she smiles and happily accepts your offer to meet you. In general, model the situation, just think in a positive way.
Step outside your comfort zone
You may well like your measured life; every day you perform the same actions, which have become automatic. But deep down in your soul there is a gnawing feeling that you are missing something and losing something.
This is true. Don't let the emotion of fear stop you from exploring the world around you. Try something new, expand your internal boundaries. Have you ever danced? Take a salsa or hip-hop class. Yes, it will be scary, you will feel like everyone is watching you and giggling at your clumsiness. But it is likely that after just a couple of sessions you will feel light and begin to enjoy the process.
Set simple goals
By achieving goals, we build self-confidence and self-confidence. You shouldn’t immediately aim for grandiose steps and actions. Set simple goals that are not too difficult to achieve.
For example, it is difficult for you to relax in the company of strangers, you cannot get to know anyone, you become shy, blush and remain silent. Set yourself a modest task - to start a conversation with a fellow traveler in transport. You will never cross paths with this person, so hone your skills on him. This will be your small intermediate goal.
Don't beat yourself up for failures
Yes, you can say something wrong, they can laugh at you. But there is nothing terrible or terrible in this. Don't close yourself off or give up trying to be open because of failure.
Endure the failure and move on towards your goal. I will say more, each of us has a story when we had to disgrace ourselves in front of others. But this did not become a reason for self-flagellation.
Don't avoid communication
Don't waste the opportunity to meet and establish contact with another person. If someone comes up to you and starts a conversation, don't walk away, keep the conversation going. It is not at all necessary to have active conversations and open your soul. Maintain eye contact, smile, and respond politely and courteously.
But if you stare at the floor or at your phone, they may even forget about your presence. And you won’t receive an invitation a second time.
You can find out how to overcome yourself and start communicating in the video:
Don't make excuses to others
Some people may ask not very pleasant questions directly: “Are you always this gloomy or just today?” Instead of muttering a defensive speech in response, make a joke or take the conversation in a different direction.
Do not shield yourself in front of a tactless and impolite interlocutor. You have the right to any behavior and no one has the right to judge you.
Find like-minded people
Common interests and views on life will allow you to completely liberate and relax in the company. Try to find those who are on the same wavelength as you.
For example, you are a fan of a certain musical group. Attend concerts of this band, communicate on the forum with fans. Try to find a person who shares your passion and is easy to be with.
If you manage to find real, sincere, congenial people, over time you will feel much better in the company of strangers.
How people become prisoners of constriction
Before you disassemble the skeleton of the ill-fated roots that make people slaves of shyness, understand the main thing: the world doesn’t care how you cope with this or that task, how you look, how you overcome problems, why you are sad or happy.
Overcome shyness in 60 seconds
Even the most self-confident individuals occasionally worry that their hair was done poorly, a nasty pimple has appeared on their nose, the lecture for the audience was somehow crumpled, they don’t have the courage to learn to ski, their friends will laugh that the tent is pitched crookedly and askew. They think that everyone around them does nothing but look at their sins and shortcomings. What then can we say about those who live in the epicenter of fears and imaginary condemnation from society constantly?
Do you remember the best-selling Hollywood TV series “The X-Files”? His popular heroes - the public's favorites - always used the slogan: the truth is out there. So you and I have already come to the point of discussing the true origins of your tightness, or rather, its most likely causes, which could be:
- a natural tendency towards loneliness, an inability to communicate with other people, which involuntarily developed during a secluded lifestyle;
- the consequences of acute psychological trauma associated with severe stress, a fiasco with some actions that ended in a humiliating “debriefing” in front of witnesses;
- eternal critical comments from family, older relatives, friends, boss at work, office colleagues, colleagues in a section, circle, group of like-minded people;
- the legacy of ancestors in the form of a genetic predisposition to isolation and shyness - the closest sisters of tightness;
- low self-esteem, although not supported by real facts that you are incompetent, a loser, and even “terrible” in appearance, annoyingly strengthened in your thoughts.
This time, for some reason, we are firmly convinced that you do not and cannot have any other reasons. Tightness is the same as Fata Morgana. The same constellation of mirages in your head, like optical illusions found in nature. Many people seem to have seen them, but in fact they are not there, everything is illusory, at the tip of the edge of fantasy, existing only in the imagination.
Why are you stopping yourself?
Photo by Michelle Leman: Pexels
You sit in your “fluffy” cocoon of doubts, woven from negative thoughts, low self-esteem, childhood disappointments, grievances, memories of mistakes and failures. Thoughts about victories in the future, the confidence that you are capable of something - you always drive away, it’s about other people.
You destroy your soul more and more, you lose friends who are tired of your complexes, you never find your loved one. In your opinion, no one will pay attention to such an ugly girl, so it’s not even worth starting to flirt, trying to attract attention from the male sex.
Putting pressure on you with a dump truck: stop, you’re doing something bad is not a constructive activity. We will now tell you about the origins of constriction, and you read, slowly, carefully make a decision to try to help yourself and become different. You can try, the person walking will definitely master the road.
