Family experts say: “Just because you don’t believe in crises doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Psychologists have everything neatly laid out “on the shelves”: for them, 1, 3, 7, 13 and 25 years of marriage are “by definition” a threat to the well-being of any family. The only question is whether the spouses are ready to endure this torment together and come out of it without great losses.
But if crises are inevitable, what should we do - fear and prepare in advance for critical periods such as the end of the world? Of course, there is no need to obscure relationships with constant fears and suspicions, but as they say: whoever predicts warns him: it never hurts to make a straw bed for yourself.
Crises of family life 10 years: reasons
Psychologists believe that crises in the family occur approximately every 3-5 years.
Accordingly, in the first year, spouses get used to each other; at this stage, approximately 50% of couples break up. If the adjustment does not occur, the couple breaks off the relationship. The next crisis occurs in 3, 7, 10, 13 years and so on. It is worth noting that one of the most difficult is the crisis of 10 years of marriage. Crises of family life 10 years, reasons:
- The confluence of two crises is a crisis of family relationships, as well as middle age. Usually these two periods coincide, layer on top of each other, thereby causing severe scandals, emotional turmoil and a break in relationships.
- However, in most cases, the 10-year crisis is associated with slightly different incidents. The fact is that during this time the couple usually has children.
- In this way, the wife moves somewhat away from her husband, paying maximum attention to her child or children, if there are several of them.
Family
What you should absolutely not do
Not all attempts to cheer up a relationship are good. If you overdo it, you may, on the contrary, scare away your husband.
Don't try to hold it back by having a baby. A child is not super glue for family relationships and not a means of keeping a husband. This is a person who needs care and love. Those. he is not a source of family well-being, but a consumer of this very well-being.
If there are problems in your family, then with the birth of a child they will become even more serious. Because you will be tired and exhausted from taking care of him. And your husband will feel increased responsibility for your financial situation.
Don't take a lover just for fun. Even if your husband doesn’t know about it, your conscience can eat you up. And if he finds out, the reconciliation process will be significantly delayed and complicated.
Why does a family crisis appear after 10 years?
Often the reason for this crisis is a revision of all the values that exist in life. Usually during this period people look at what they managed to achieve at a particular age. Accordingly, many blame their family for their failure to realize their career goals. They believe that they could achieve much more if they did not have a family.
Why does a family crisis appear for 10 years:
- The man might not have had time to finish his studies and dropped out of higher education. He had to get a job in order to support his family. A woman may also have a lot of questions regarding her husband.
- The situation is the opposite, a man works a lot, earns well, but does not have enough time for his family. Accordingly, the woman makes claims because the man does not spend time with his family.
- Another reason for the crisis is the cooling of relations.
Argument
A difficult age
Every person goes through their own crises associated with age.
For example, the well-known midlife crisis, or midlife crisis in men. It is due to the fact that from the age of 40 (although for some people the dates may move forward by 5-10 years) hormonal changes begin. Sexual desire decreases, the severity of love experiences decreases. In addition, at this age a man experiences a so-called crisis of meaning. He begins to overestimate his own achievements and goals, gets rid of the illusions of youth, and feels a slight slowdown in the pace of life. People react to all this differently. Some try to repress thoughts about age by making young girlfriends and going all out, deciding on risky adventures or breaking off long-term attachments. Others withdraw, become suspicious and prone to groundless conflicts.
The main thing a man experiencing a midlife crisis needs to do is accept himself at a new age, in a new capacity. Try to see yourself not as you want, but as you are at the present moment.
“In the situation of this crisis, the most important thing is what a person has acquired by this age, acquired morally,” says Elena Berezhkovskaya. — Self-reflection will be successful if a person has something to show, has something to justify the years he has lived. This includes spiritual growth, relationships with friends, family, children and much more. This point is very important. Anyone who successfully overcomes the age crisis makes serious progress in self-development.”
Women also experience an age crisis. However, it passes more smoothly, and this is explained by biological reasons. A woman is by nature more stable and less susceptible to change. Men move forward evolutionarily and are more exposed to risks (therefore, disorders such as stuttering, strabismus, and mental illness are several times more common among them). The so-called maternal effect, manifestations of which geneticists have found in animals and even in plants, forces women to preserve, “keep” the gains of evolution.
How to overcome a crisis in a relationship for 10 years?
There are several tips from psychologists that will help overcome the crisis.
How to overcome a crisis in a relationship for 10 years:
- First of all, it is necessary not to swear and make trouble, but to come to an agreement. The only correct way to improve relationships is to start talking to each other. Discuss what doesn't suit you, try to get closer, find more time to spend with each other.
- You can also go on vacation exclusively as a couple, leaving the children with their grandparents. Take yourself on a second honeymoon. Try to sort out your relationship and get enough of each other during the trip, because very often children interfere with intimacy.
- Sign up for ballroom dancing, or go to the gym together. This way you will enjoy your partner’s achievements and support you in getting in good shape.
A crisis
Change your image
When you were in your 20s, you developed your daily look. Hairstyle, makeup, clothes. Your wardrobe may not have changed significantly since then. And now you are in your 30s. Therefore, you need to think through your image taking into account your career.
This is especially true for those who have not previously found time for themselves. Perhaps you had small children or spent a lot of time at work. A crisis at home is a reason to take a short break and catch your breath. Take care of yourself, pamper yourself. Especially if the situation at home is not yet conducive to rest and relaxation.
Join a gym. To motivate yourself, invite a friend with you. You can even arrange a competition to see which of you can achieve the desired parameters faster. Remember that the most important thing is health and well-being. You need to play sports only to keep yourself in good shape, and not to achieve a body weight of 40 kg or parameters of 90-60-90. Love yourself, but keep in shape.
Also, pay close attention to your underwear. Even if no one sees it, if you know it's sexy, you will look different. People around you will notice that you have changed, you feel more confident and attractive. Let this be your secret weapon.
How to survive the crisis of 10 years of marriage: advice from a psychologist
Of course, men and women may have complaints about each other's appearance. After the birth of children, a woman’s figure may change, which upsets her husband.
How to survive the crisis of 10 years of marriage, advice from a psychologist:
- But as practice shows, a man also does not get prettier every day; he develops a beer belly.
- If you are not satisfied with the external data, they are very different from those that were originally, support your spouse in building a new body.
- Be sure to support your efforts to lose weight by going jogging early in the morning together. This will not only improve the condition of your skin and lose weight, but also be together.
Quarreling
Present
10 years of marriage is truly an important holiday, so usually solid and expensive things are given as gifts for such an anniversary. Of course, on this day, gifts made from tin and pink themes are relevant, and this concerns mainly the color rather than the plant.
From tin
It can be almost anything:
- Crockery – sets of glasses or cups, plates, cutlery, etc.
- Interior items - animal figurines and figurines, a box, a door bell, a clock, a photo frame, a key holder, a horseshoe, candlesticks, a vase and more.
- Souvenir sets - checkers, chess, soldiers, coins, etc.
- Accessories – keychains, amulets and so on.
As you know, this material has one significant drawback; it requires certain handling, so it would be useful to add a tin care kit to the gift.
Pink products
There is also a place to roam here:
- Textiles - bed linen, blankets, towels, bathrobes, paired T-shirts, curtains or drapes, furniture covers, etc.
- Decorative elements - sofa cushions, paintings and panels in suitable colors.
- Kitchen utensils - mugs, plates, tea set, etc.
- Figures made of stone, quartz, rhodonite, rhodochrosite, jasper will work great.
- Any equipment - laptop, phone, toaster, hair dryer, kettle, blender and more.
Examples
Relatives, witnesses and friends can present the couple with:
- pewter utensils - cup holders, a set of glasses or spoons, a coffee pot, wine glasses, bottle holders, cutlery, a tray and much more;
- a beautiful vase for flowers;
- mirror in tin frame;
- pink objects, it can be anything - watches, candlesticks, decorative elements.
Parents usually give their children luxurious gifts for such an anniversary , for example, a trip to the sea, household appliances (vacuum cleaner, coffee machine, multicooker, bread machine) or an impressive amount of money.
also pleases his wife with something significant on this holiday
- rose gold jewelry - ring, earrings, necklace, pendant, chain or bracelet;
- jewelry with a precious stone, for example, sapphire, topaz, kunzite, morganite;
- fur coat;
- various equipment - it could be a phone, laptop, e-book or photo frame;
- leather product - bag, gloves, belt;
- chic underwear;
- and in addition, of course, a bouquet of 11 roses.
The spouse can thank her lover with an expensive bottle of red wine, a suitably decorated cake, a new gadget, a belt, cufflinks, shoes, a tie, a whiskey set or a beer mug made of a suitable metal.
Advice! If you don’t like anything from our list, then you can do it simpler: wrap the gift in pink or gray packaging.
Marriage crisis of 10 years, how to survive?
If everything is fine with the relationship, only your intimate life suffers, toys from a sex shop will help with this, variety. Try to communicate with each other a lot, go for walks.
Marriage crisis 10 years, how to survive:
- There is the opposite situation, when partners are so fed up with each other that they can no longer stand it. In this case, it is necessary that everyone in the family has their own personal space. Remember, people cannot be with each other 24 hours a day.
- That is why there is nothing wrong with the fact that a man has friends, hobbies, and no fishing. A woman can also enroll in a gym, interesting courses in makeup, or manicure.
- This will help the woman get distracted and also save money on future visits to beauty salons.
Quarreling
Crisis of family relationships 10 years: advice from a psychologist
Remember, a woman cannot live exclusively with children and family. She needs to unwind and invest her energy somewhere.
Crisis of family relationships 10 years, advice from a psychologist:
- In the same way, a man cannot live solely by work; he needs energy to be satisfied. This energy can be a family.
- Reconsider your life, if you are tired of evenings watching TV series and movies, come up with an active hobby.
- This could be jogging, walks in the nearest park, or even going to a climbing wall or skating rink to practice figure skating.
- Despite my advanced age, it is always fun and interesting.
Relationship
Crisis 10 years of marriage - advice
It is necessary to normalize sex life. Of course, if the relationship is destroyed and the partners are not interested in each other, then there can be no talk of any sex.
Crisis 10 years of marriage, advice:
- In this case, it is necessary to establish relationships with each other and build emotional intimacy.
- You can acquire some common hobby. Buy bicycles and go on a weekend bike ride together.
- Find common interests and spend time alone, without children.
Quarreling
Holiday symbols
According to the first interpretation, the decade of married life is named after the color pink, and not a flower, as many believe. Pink has long been a symbol of tenderness, similar to the relationship between husband and wife during this period of time.
There is another name for the 10th anniversary of marriage - tin. As everyone probably knows, tin, a metal, is ductile, flexible and soft, like spouses. Lovers have already learned to make compromises, find ways out of difficult situations, smooth out “corners,” adapt to each other, be softer and more flexible.
Relationship crisis: reviews
Below you can read reviews from people who have faced the crisis.
Crisis in relationships, reviews:
Olga. We faced a crisis after 10 years of marriage.
At that time we had a child. I won’t say that the relationship worsened; rather, a kind of indifference towards each other was born. Perhaps this is due to insufficient time spent together due to work or everyday problems. After all, a child requires a lot of attention and strength. A psychologist helped us figure this out. Now we spend much more time together and communicate. Veronica . My husband and I have known each other for more than 13 years, married for 10 years. Over the past couple of years, the relationship has really become cool; I think that everyday life has killed the romance, because we have two children. We try to take the children to their grandparents more often so that the two of us can relax and chat. Do not forget about intimate relationships, this is an important component of the family. Now we are trying to communicate more with each other, find time to communicate with friends, and to have hobbies. Of course, it is quite difficult to find time for yourself with two children, especially if there are not many helpers.Alexandra. I faced a crisis after 10 years of marriage. I think my husband’s constant business trips are to blame. Of course, we communicate by phone, via Skype, but this does not replace live communication. I noticed that we have cooled towards each other, I think that the relationship can be restored, but we will have to work a lot. It is precisely because of indifference and indifference that many of our familiar couples, who lived together for about 10 years, broke up. They simply became uninteresting to each other.
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