Quarter life crisis. 25 signs you have it and ways to deal with it

For boys and girls, the age period from 20 to 30 years is associated with a whole range of significant life events: this is the beginning of a truly adult, independent existence, active socialization, and a new civil status.
In addition, at this moment, men continue to actively search for themselves in the profession, and for women, the primordial task finally comes to the fore - creating a family and having children.

At this age, it is natural to say goodbye to youthful dreams and an unprincipled meeting face to face with the surrounding reality, which is rarely kind and fair.

That is why such a wonderful and interesting period for a huge number of people is often overshadowed by a psychological crisis. What he might be connected with and how he will learn to live with him - let's try to figure it out.

What it is?

Classical psychology did not describe this crisis period in a person’s life in detail. But very soon it will take its place alongside other significant periods of change. It is called a quarter-life or century crisis.

This phenomenon is expressed through:

1. plunging into depression;
2. unexpected hysteria;
3. feeling like a complete insignificance.

This is just a short list of negative conditions.

Interesting contemporary observations on this subject were first published by Alexandra Robbins and Abby Willner in a book called The Quarter Life Crisis: The Unique Life Challenges of the 20-something.

The publication instantly became a global bestseller, after which professional psychologists drew attention to the psychological phenomenon and conducted their own research that scientifically confirmed the existence of a “quarter-century crisis.”

Some young people talk about a feeling of zeroing out, when everything accumulated loses its meaning, confusion and uncertainty sets in. Previously, everything was clear: study and you will get a job, get married and you will find happiness. And then, suddenly, you need to again look for your path, purpose, spiritual meaning.

The crisis is called a “crisis of ambition.” The expected ease and excitement of adult life does not occur, and self-realization even after receiving a higher education does not come “automatically.”

Female sexuality by age 30

In the book “Fundamentals of Sexuality” by W. Masters, W. Johnson and R. Kolodny there is information about what sexual intimacy is like for a woman at 30 years old: “You cannot even compare the sensations of sexual intimacy with someone you love and with those whom you barely know and for whom you do not feel the slightest feeling. A casual relationship is a purely mechanical act that gives only physical satisfaction. Sex with a loved one brings happiness and a sense of psychological security.” Many of my friends, having reached a certain point in time, are disappointed in their other halves. I often hear the phrase that now “...At 30, I would never have married (married) this person. And then at 20 I had no experience, it was not clear.”

But you can’t cut from the shoulder. Evaluate your partner by their actions. If they are negative, then you understand that you are not on the way. And “if you want something new,” then it’s better not to enter into a frivolous relationship.”

Reasons and essence

The causes of the crisis and its content may differ by gender.

For men

The stronger sex has the following reasons:

1. Since childhood, children hear from adults about the importance of a good education and success in making money. He tries and fulfills the requirements and meets the expectations of his parents. This is how the stereotype of money = success is cultivated in the mind. And then, at the age of 25, a loser complex may appear if, after graduating from university and starting work, material prosperity did not occur.
2. Parents insist on finding a job and at the same time continue to support and sponsor young people in every possible way with the best intentions, but this can lead to a loss of interest in independent advancement and self-discovery.
3. Infantilism, unwillingness to accept new responsibilities and bear responsibility for one’s actions.
4. Lack of self-confidence, doubts that the path in life was chosen correctly.

For women

For women, the reasons and essence are as follows:

1. Formation of quasi-needs, constant comparison of oneself with the bright gloss of fashion magazines and the flow of beautiful photographs of girlfriends and acquaintances on Instagram. Virtual values ​​are accepted as the norm, and their results are devalued.
2. Dreams that were formed earlier are shattered by reality, the chosen profession does not bring pleasure, and with marriage comes a lot of responsibility and sometimes disappointment.
3. A feeling of misunderstanding on the part of those closest to you - spouse, children, parents, friends and acquaintances.

Does everyone go through a midlife crisis? Is it necessary to fight it somehow?

Everyone normally re-evaluates their experience. But not everyone experiences depression. For some, the period of rethinking the experience passes almost asymptomatically, unnoticed. Good news from American researchers of existential depths: in fact, middle-aged people are more satisfied with their lives than the younger generation, and only a quarter of those over 40 are experiencing an acute crisis stage.

Psychologists believe that behind the screen of a “midlife crisis” there are often hidden general problems of dissatisfaction with life. This could be either a job you don’t like or a desire to create a family relationship with another person.

“We need to fight, but carefully and competently,” Sasha Strogonova is convinced. “If a person is going through an acute crisis, then it is best to seek help from a psychologist.”

Phases, stages and stages

Researcher O. Robinson from the University of Greenwich defines a crisis as going through several phases:

1. A feeling of hopelessness, a feeling of impasse in all areas of life, joylessness of existence, unfulfillment in a career or personal life (or two areas at the same time).
2. Gradual understanding of possible changes. A person turns on an active search for opportunities to use his abilities and skills, looking for his own path.
3. A period of quality development. A person begins to identify what is extremely important in life and get rid of unnecessary “ballasts” that drag him down, preventing him from self-improvement.
4. Creating new habits, consolidating an improved way of acting with a projection onto a changed reality

Signs and manifestations

The expression crisis period also finds itself differently in men and women.

In men

Throughout the 25-year crisis, male psychology has undergone changes. This is manifested through the attitude towards girls, who are already perceived as objects promising for starting a family and procreation.

A representative of the stronger sex already knows exactly what he wants from life, has outlined goals and methods for achieving them. But at this time, so-called “information satiety” is often observed, caused by the lack of need to search for new sensations.

At this time, a man is attracted to a sedentary lifestyle, but at the same time he is constantly dissatisfied with life :

• is bored without work, and at work experiences dissatisfaction with the position;
• the circle of friends becomes uninteresting, points of contact with people are lost;
• for the first time there is a feeling of the frailty of existence and lost years, because “youth has passed”
• There is a gnawing feeling of emptiness when a person from your close circle excels in any area of ​​life, be it personal life or career.

Among women

From the point of view of female psychology, short periods of psychological changes are characterized, first of all, by a feeling of melancholy, inexplicable anxiety, emptiness, even despite the fact that everything is good in life.
During this period, a young girl faces an acute question about children , so in the event of their absence, the crisis phase intensifies.

In this regard, frequent conflicts with parents or other representatives of the older generation may arise. Due to the constant feeling that a friend/sister/acquaintance has clearly achieved more, dissatisfaction with one’s self increases and the ego suffers.

Also, a crisis period can manifest itself through fear of future changes, chronic fatigue and apathy syndrome, and phobia of approaching “old age.”

In women, the crisis often manifests itself through :

• chronic comparison of oneself with other representatives of the fairer sex, hypertrophied search for a role model;
• denial of generally accepted norms, which only yesterday seemed correct and familiar;
• uncertainty about the correct choice of a partner for a serious relationship, frequent changes;
• the desire for ideals in everything, the desire to change places, professions, occupations;
• uncontrolled attempts to radically change appearance, figure, etc.

You were born in 1995 or 1996

1995 - 20th of March. Nerve gas was used in the Tokyo subway in Japan, killing 5,000 people and killing 12. On May 16, Soko Asahara, the leader of the religious sect Aum Shinrikyo, was arrested. The first artificial liver was tested, performed by German surgeon Peter Neu Haus.

1996 - 4th of July. B.N. Yeltsin becomes President of the Russian Federation for the second time. This is the first time the same person has been re-elected to the post of President of Russia. A test began to be used to detect AIDS. Proteins produced by the virus were detected in the blood, which made it possible to diagnose the disease at an early stage.

1997 - February 22. Scottish scientists announced the birth of the only surviving embryo, a clone of an adult sheep. Dolly was born on July 5, 1996 without any abnormalities and lived until February 14, 2003 as an ordinary sheep. 4th of July. A rover designed to collect and analyze Martian soils has landed on the surface of Mars.

1998 — August 17. In Russia, the ruble depreciated, which led to an aggravation of the economic crisis. The country's government resigned. September 24. The first transplant of a limb from a deceased patient to a living one took place. A hand and forearm were transplanted in the city of Lyon, France. 12 December. The first organ transplant to a child was performed in the United States. A three-year-old Florida boy received a heart, lung and liver transplant at a Pennsylvania hospital.

1999 - 1st of January. Most countries of the European Union have switched to paying in the new European currency – the euro. March 24. The first NATO air raid was carried out on Yugoslavia. The US invaded a sovereign state that was not threatened by a third party.

2000 - 26 March. Election of V.V. Putin to the post of President of the Russian Federation. The official inauguration took place on May 7. A robotic developmental doll has been created in the USA. She knew how to talk, laugh, cry, blink, make grimaces. In the process of communicating with people, she increased her vocabulary and reached the development level of a two-year-old child. The first medicinal products were created in Novosibirsk, the prefix “Bifido” was added to the usual name. They contain a liquid concentrate of bifidobacteria, which have a positive effect on the intestinal microflora, prevent the development of pathogenic microbes and nourish the body with B vitamins and vitamin K. Such products quickly gained popularity among buyers.

2001 - January 15. The official launch of the English site Wikipedia took place - a resource that today has become an assistant in quickly obtaining encyclopedic data in all areas of life. 11 September. The largest terrorist attack in world history was committed in the United States. As a result, the Pentagon was damaged, the Trade Center was destroyed, and human losses amounted to about three thousand people.

2002 - 1st of January. The European Union introduced euro coins and banknotes, which became the single currency for most EU countries and played an important role in stabilizing the global European economy. October. After 50 years, the restoration of the railway between North and South Korea began. October 23. In Moscow, Russia, Chechen terrorists took hostages in a theater on Dubrovka. Three days later, on October 26, all the terrorists were killed during the assault by special forces. One of the hostages died from a bullet wound, the remaining 116 people died from exposure to the gas used during the assault.

2003 - 20th of March. Military operations began in Iraq. September 27. The automatic station “Smart-1” was launched to study the Moon.

2004 — Bloodless revolutions took place in Georgia, Ukraine, and Kyrgyzstan, as a result of which more democratic leaders came to power. 1st of May. The European Union has expanded its scope with the inclusion of ten new countries. June. The world's largest social network - Facebook - has been created.

2005 - 5 January. Eris, the largest of the dwarf planets in our solar system, has been discovered.

2006 - March 29. The first total eclipse of the sun in the 21st century could be observed in Russia. 24 August. Scientists have stripped Pluto of its planetary status. This decision was made at the congress of the International Astronomy Union in Prague, Czech Republic.

2007 — Genetics have discovered modifications in the human body that are responsible for the development of certain diseases. After DNA analysis, it became possible to identify a predisposition to certain diseases.

2008 - February 17. Kosovo declared independence from Serbia. 8 August. Military operations began in South Ossetia. November 4. Presidential elections took place in the United States. The first black president in the history of the state, Barack Obama, became the head of the state.

2009 — August 17. A disaster occurred at the Sayano-Shushenskaya hydroelectric power station. Hundreds of people became victims. The cause of the problems was a series of shortcomings and a failure in the redistribution of electricity in the power system.

2010 - 18th of March. Russian mathematician Grigory Perelman proved the Poincaré conjecture, which was considered one of the unsolvable Problems of the Millennium. For this, the Clay Mathematical Institute awarded him a prize of $1 million, which he refused. April 10th. A plane crash occurred over Smolensk, in which Lech Kaczynski, the President of Poland, his wife Maria Kaczynskaya, the high military command, Polish politicians, as well as religious and public figures (97 people in total) died. The first living cell was created in which its own DNA was replaced with DNA created artificially. Humanity has received new tools for developing technologies for artificially growing organs.

2011 - 11th of March. In Japan, off the northeastern coast, an earthquake occurred, the magnitude of which reached 8.9. As a result of the earthquake, a devastating tsunami arose, as a result of which over 15 thousand people died, several thousand are considered missing. May 2. Osama bin Laden, the “No. 1” terrorist in the world, the leader of Al-Qaeda, who, in particular, is considered responsible for the September 11 terrorist attack, was killed. September 7. An international charter flight crashed near Yaroslavl. On board the plane was the team of the Lokomotiv hockey club, which was flying to Minsk. 44 people died, one survived. October 31. The seven billionth inhabitant of the Earth was born in Kaliningrad.

2012 - February 21. In Moscow, in the Cathedral of Christ the Savior, a scandalous punk prayer service of the PussyRiot group took place, three members of which were detained by the police. December 1. Russia has led the G20 (G20), a forum of representatives of countries with the most developed economies: Australia, Japan, Argentina, South Africa, Brazil, South Korea, Great Britain, France, Germany, Turkey, India, USA, Indonesia, Saudi Arabia, Italy, Mexico, Canada, China.

2013 - February, 15. A meteorite fell in the Urals - the largest celestial body that collided with the surface of the Earth after the Tunguska meteorite. Because of the “Chelyabinsk” meteorite (it exploded in the vicinity of Chelyabinsk), 1,613 people were injured. February, 15. Asteroid 2012 DA14 flew by at the minimum distance from planet Earth (27,000 km). This was the closest distance in the entire history of astronomy. March 13. The most powerful telescope on the planet begins operating in the Atacama Desert, Chile.

2014 — February 7-23. The XXII Winter Olympic Games took place in Sochi. 18th of March. Putin V.V. signed an agreement on the admission of the Crimean Peninsula and Sevastopol to Russia. This agreement comes into force from the moment of ratification by the Federal Assembly - March 21. October 26. Permanent winter time introduced

2015 - Jan. 7. A terrorist attack took place at the office of the satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo in Paris, based on a caricature of the Prophet Mohammed previously posted in the magazine. 12 people were killed and 11 people were injured.

Advice from psychologists

While going through this difficult period, you need to remember that it will end positively, the unnecessary old will be destroyed and the new will be formed. How to make experiences less painful? You need to adhere to some rules.

For guys

The tips are as follows:

1. 
   Reconsider all family and social stereotypes about “should”.
   Pass installations that have been under construction for years through your own filter.

   Recognize that it is impossible to compare the results of different people, stop making parental demands on yourself.

2. Take a break and realize how you want to live, where to move, what to do. The main thing is to allow yourself to be inactive at this moment, relax and not fuss.
3. Talk with loved ones and friends about yourself, don’t isolate yourself. By talking through your worries and thinking about new possibilities, you can reduce internal stress and an endless stream of gloomy thoughts.
4. Try to maintain balance in relationships, limit communication with unpleasant people, and do not try to drown out anxiety with thoughtless purchases.
5. Recognize the importance of small steps, set realistic goals and move towards them gradually and confidently.

For girls

It is advisable for representatives of the fair sex:

1. Forget about life stereotypes associated with age: what every woman should have, what she should be, what she should strive for and what she should achieve is her personal matter, and not her social position. Remember: you are unique, therefore, so is your destiny. And it is only in your own hands.
2. Stop, breathe out and try to understand how you want to live, and not anyone else - parents, spouse, etc. Change your field of activity if it does not suit you, radically change your image, remember your favorite but long-forgotten hobbies. The main thing is just look at the world around you; perhaps you simply did not notice the reasons for your little joys.
3. Talk about yourself to your loved one. The worst case scenario during a crisis is to give up on yourself. Understand that you are not the only person with problems and phobias, so don't be afraid to open up to the world. You might want to talk to your peers about something that worries you—and rightly so. There are many like-minded people nearby with similar experiences - don’t hesitate to ask for advice or support.
4. Don't go to extremes. It is worth minimizing communication with what or who annoys you. Get rid of catalysts for quarrels, disputes, misunderstandings.
5. Take “gradual existence” as the basic principle. Try to look at life realistically and admit that it is not ideal, and neither are you. So why not stop demanding everything from yourself at once? Go deeper into solving problems as they arise, and not “in bulk”, learn to plan and classify your actions, because, as popular wisdom says: “The slower you go, the further you will go.”

Neoplasms

When the most difficult time has passed, the tension will decrease, and the process of creating a new self will begin . Without illusions and expectations. Recognizing your size and real capabilities. You will enjoy the freedom of choice and the taste of your own life.

It is likely that your field of activity will change and new friends and acquaintances will appear, and some childhood friends will move away and gradually disappear from your life. And that's okay.

As psychologists say, a crisis is always the beginning of new opportunities, a better life, filling oneself.

1.Check your settings

Why is it important to understand the importance of this period?

As you know, any troubles, which in essence is the crisis of 25 years, are a good springboard for self-development.
If during this difficult period of life you draw the right conclusions and try to grow in all respects, both personal and professional, as well as spiritual, you can, as they say in the popular saying, “if life gives you a lemon, make lemonade out of it .

Therefore, understanding the importance of this period is, first of all, a generous investment in your own well-being and a happy future.

What are the symptoms of people experiencing a midlife crisis?

Perhaps the most obvious symptom is low mood over a long period of time. This cannot be confused with a temporary deterioration in mood or fatigue. A short-term loss of vitality can be easily restored by changing the environment or resting. A crisis that affects life's meaning requires longer work and careful attention.

Symptoms are divided into obsessive (thoughts) and psychophysiological.

• Destructive obsessions : “I will never become...”, “I have wrinkles, gray hair is terrible,” “I’ve never been successful and it’s too late to start,” “If only I could go back, I would do everything differently and not would be in this swamp now,” “At 25, some people have everything, but what about me at 40?” and so on.
• Psychophysiological symptoms : feeling of apathy, self-pity, feeling of emptiness, dead end of what is happening, loss of interest in the opposite sex or, conversely, unhealthy interest in sex and changing partners, desire to escape, suicidal thoughts, anger, sudden change of interests, hobbies, appearance or worsening bad habits.

Main mistakes

The main mistakes people make:

1. Fear caused by “unjustified expectations.” Most 25-year-olds begin to feel that “this is the end” and are terrified of setting new goals. It is worth accepting your phobia as a given. She is normal, everyone feels her.
2. A categorical refusal to involve other people in your life. Don’t be shy to share your experiences: if you don’t have the courage to do it “live”, use social networks - virtual communication is much simpler and easier.
3. Games of “sacrifice” in the name of something or someone. Understand: your life belongs exclusively to you, it is impossible to be “good” to everyone without exception, even if you try very hard. Yes, this is not a reason to turn into a notorious egoist. The right decision is to leave a small part of your life as personal and intimate.
4. Reluctance to start a new relationship in case of its complete absence or collapse. Give yourself time to heal love wounds and just let go of the situation - sometimes this is enough for the need for love to reappear.