Dependence on other people's opinions often becomes a barrier to personal and professional development. For example, you want to launch your own project, change career, move to another city, but you are afraid of negative evaluation from the outside and, as a result, put off your dream. And perhaps you don’t return to it at all. This fear of “not being approved” is associated with low levels of self-esteem and self-confidence. But how to get rid of this addiction and learn to analyze yourself effectively? We answer this question by understanding the phenomenon of social approval.
Be honest with yourself and live in the present.
It's up to you how you feel every day. Do you want to experience constant fear and anxiety from the thought that society will not approve of your action? Stop thinking about it. Don't worry about whether someone has reprimanded you in the past or that people will think badly of you. Live here and now and don't look around. Breathe deeply and do not forget that only you are responsible for your thoughts and actions. This is the only way you can be happy. Only in this way will you understand that every person has their own opinion and only you can choose whether it will affect you or not.
How to stop depending on other people's opinions
Most of us are very dependent on the opinions of others, and this circumstance often ruins our lives. Someone tries to adapt, changing their opinion under the influence of the environment. Others silently endure negative statements, but suffer greatly and depend on other people’s opinions, self-esteem decreases and, as a result, neuroses and depression arise. How not to depend on other people's opinions? What do I need to do?
Divide all people according to their importance to you:
- people whose opinions are very important to us and who are really worth listening to;
- people whose opinions are sometimes worth considering;
- people who mean nothing to you.
Life is such that we constantly hear opinions about any events. And there are a huge number of opinions, everyone has their own, it is impossible to simply physically listen to everyone, especially if these opinions are unpleasant for us and interfere with our lives. It is very important to be able to understand people in order to understand whether it is worth listening to them.
Separate the wheat from the chaff
From each opinion you need to extract only the useful, and throw the rest of the garbage out of your head! The main thing is not to let others ruin your life with their opinions. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me,” English proverb.
Read more: Leadership Development
Assess your perspective yourself
Many famous people in childhood or youth did not show much promise, studied very mediocrely, and were ridiculed because of their appearance.
For example, teachers considered Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, and Konstantin Tsiolkovsky to be mentally retarded.
Tom Cruise changed several schools, he couldn’t read, he couldn’t comprehend the text.
Winona Ryder switched to home schooling due to ridicule and bullying from classmates.
Examples can be given endlessly. Imagine if they had listened to everyone who judged them negatively, would they have turned out the way they did? Hardly. They calmly walked towards their goal, without listening to others.
When someone criticizes you, he is not thinking about you, but first of all about himself
As a rule, people criticize those shortcomings that they do not like in themselves, or those advantages that they themselves would like to have. At these moments, they, unwittingly, reveal their secrets. A person who angrily criticizes and tries to find your shortcomings and make you look like a weakling and a loser, in fact, most of all in life is afraid that this will happen to him, and perhaps it is already happening.
Don't trust first impressions
Many people tend to change their minds very quickly. Including about you. You yourself, most likely, have changed your opinion about a person more than once. It happens that at first glance you don’t like someone, but when you get to know him better, you evaluate him completely differently.
Don't pay attention to the rudeness
If you were told something unpleasant or hurtful by people who mean nothing to you, it will not affect your life in any way. They will forget about you in 15 minutes. Should I be upset and take into account the opinion of an outsider? Hardly.
Accept that everyone has different tastes
There is always a negative opinion for any phenomenon in this world. The best films, books, paintings that you like will always have opposing opinions. Is it worth paying attention to them, or will the fact that someone doesn’t like it make you immediately stop loving the book or movie?
Some people just assert themselves at your expense.
By expressing their opinion, people thereby want to rise in their own eyes. They feel important and significant only when someone is criticized or taught. Will the opinion of such a person be authoritative for you? After all, at its core, this is not aimed at you, but the purpose of criticism is the desire to rise above others.
Read more: How to determine your strengths and weaknesses?
People don't pay attention to you as often as you think
The people around you, for the most part, are passionate about their own affairs and concerns. They have their own life, which worries them much more than yours. If your interests and views intersect in some area, then this does not happen as often as you think. Just think, do you often pay attention to what those around you are wearing? Is their shirt dirty? Did a girl passing by have a puff on her tights? I'm willing to bet that you either don't think about it at all or spend no more than a couple of minutes on it. So those around you do the same.
It shouldn't worry you
What others think about you is their business. This should not concern you in any way. Even if you find out someone else's opinion about yourself, it still will not make you a different person and will not change your life, in most cases. The opinions of others can influence you only when you allow this opinion to become decisive in your life. But this shouldn’t happen. You can't control the opinions of others, so don't pay so much attention to them and focus on yourself.
Option 2
Each person has a different attitude towards public opinion. Some people are used to trusting him completely, while others fundamentally go against even undeniable truths. I believe that public opinion is just the point of view of the majority, the same people who can be wrong. In addition, prejudices and moral principles passed down from generation to generation are of great importance. And it often happens that the attitude of others towards life does not correspond to modern reality, and sometimes can even lead to tragedy. A similar situation is described in the drama by A.N. Ostrovsky "The Thunderstorm".
At the heart of the work is the conflict between adherents of the patriarchal order and the new generation promoting the ideas of enlightenment. Having become Tikhon's wife, the main character found herself in a world where cruelty and tyranny flourish. Kabanikha kept her family at bay, not accepting disobedience and free-thinking. She believed that a wife should be afraid of her husband, otherwise she would bring shame into the house. It was people like Kabanikha who shaped public opinion, so it was obviously erroneous, expressing only one side of an outdated ideology.
Society could not accept Katerina’s behavior that went beyond what was permitted. She just wanted to be happy, but her future depended entirely on those around her. Misunderstanding of other people led to a real tragedy, because the main character had no choice but to take her own life.
Many writers were concerned not only with the influence of public opinion on the life of a particular person, but also on the entire history of mankind as a whole. For example, Ray Bradbury in his science fiction novel “Fahrenheit 451” shows what a specially imposed incorrect worldview can lead to.
In the world described by the writer, those who think differently from the majority are considered crazy. In this future, people have long stopped thinking. They no longer thought about questions of existence; only the material side of life was of value to them. For example, the main character’s wife always thinks only about how to buy another television wall. Mildred follows the lead of public opinion, believing that after the long-awaited purchase, joy will come to their home. She really doesn’t understand why she’s unhappy, although she doesn’t even think about such concepts as happiness or unhappiness.
The life of Guy Montag was not much different from the life of other people; it changed only after meeting Clarissa McLellan, who was not like everyone else. Thanks to the girl’s worldview, the main character saw what was previously inaccessible to him. He simply lived as expected, fulfilling his task, without thinking about his true purpose. Gradually, Guy came to understand that those around him were making mistakes. He realized the imperfection of the world order, realized that people were forcibly instilled with confidence in the dangers of art. A stupid crowd is much easier to control, and a thinking person always poses a threat, because he is able to make independent decisions. The main character eventually became just such a threat, devoting his future life to preserving the knowledge accumulated by civilization over all previous years for future generations.
Based on all of the above, we can come to the conclusion that a person who is looking for the truth cannot be led by public opinion. Everyone has their own view on the same things, so you don’t need to deprive yourself of your individuality by adapting to those around you. It often happens that the opinion of one person does not coincide with the opinion of others, not because he is wrong, but because the others are wrong.
Is other people's opinion important?
Someone else’s opinion should be listened to, taken into account, and sometimes guided by it. But, firstly, not on any other person’s opinion, but only on the opinion of close and significant people. Secondly, you need to understand the other person’s position, but not necessarily accept it. We must not forget about ourselves, we need to find a balance of selfishness and altruism.
Dependence creates internal tension, an inferiority complex, fears, and anxiety. A person is confident in his insignificance and worthlessness. Gradually, the condition is aggravated by psychosomatic diseases, a feeling of powerlessness, and general dissatisfaction with life.
The impact of addiction on a person's life
Fear of public opinion greatly influences the life of any person. Having succumbed to internal fears, we get a job we don’t like, get married and start families with the wrong person, and give up hobbies. Deep in our souls we suffer, worry and suffer, without feeling truly free, joyful and happy. How does dependence on other people's opinions affect our lives?
- Loss of self. Under pressure from others, a person consciously abandons his inner world, building his life as others suggest, without making his own vital decisions.
- Assessment from the outside. People suffering from this phobia are constantly guided by the opinions of others, since they need their actions to be constantly approved. They are easily influenced by more purposeful individuals.
- Parents are always right. For such people, their whole life will correspond to what mom and dad said. Parents will decide what the child should do, what college to go to, where to go to work, with whom to arrange a personal life and how to raise children. Even as an adult, such a person will coordinate all his actions with his parents, being afraid to make his own decisions.
- Inability to defend one's views. Due to constant pressure from elders, a child in childhood does not develop the skill of defending his own position and opinion. As an adult, he has to reap the fruits of this fear. Since he does not have his own clearly formed outlook on life, someone else's opinion will always be authoritative and correct.
- The desire to be like someone. Adhering to this principle, a person is afraid to stand out from the crowd and become a “black sheep”, preferring a simpler way out - to be like everyone else.
Dependence on other people's opinions can greatly complicate a person's life, depriving him of inner freedom and the opportunity to build a life in accordance with his own desires.
Afterword
A dependent person does not know himself. In this, adults but dependent people are similar to preschoolers. Those who have not yet developed self-esteem, they draw conclusions about themselves based on the assessments and judgments of others. So you still look at the words of others as your mirror reflection.
It's time to grow up. To do this, you need to do a lot of self-knowledge. Study your temperament, character, abilities. Make it a rule to analyze whose judgments control you: personal or familiar people. Work on your personal boundaries.
To work through psychological trauma and eliminate post-traumatic syndrome, I recommend contacting a psychotherapist.
