Most married couples prefer to pretend that cheating is beyond their reality, at least in their family it is impossible.
But the sad truth is that infidelity is much more common than is commonly believed, and the sample statistics of female adultery are not much behind the number of male cases of adultery.
According to a 2015 study, 74 percent of men and 68 percent of women surveyed admitted that cheating would happen in their marital relationship if they were confident that their partner would never find out about it and they could emerge clean from the murky waters of infidelity .
Such a small statistical gap is an interesting fact that characterizes the level of morality in the modern world.
She's taking revenge on you
For anything, even for what seems trivial to you. For example, it seems to her that you devote little time to her (or it doesn’t seem) and you have no intimacy. Or you are being rude to her. You won't expect any gifts or compliments. There can be a whole bunch of reasons.
If you come home and all you want to do is lie down on the couch or play games, don’t be surprised that there will be a lot of complaints against you. Maybe this seems normal to you. And you think that all these scandals and fuck-ups arise simply because she is hysterical. But it is not always the case.
If a woman can't reach you or find the words to express her indignation, she can act radically. And then you shouldn’t be surprised why a woman cheats. Because you're making her uncomfortable and she wants to do the same back.
Do you notice the girl's strange behavior? Find out immediately what is wrong and try to solve it.
Why does the wife want to cheat?
Among women there are also many who commit adultery not only because of feelings or cooled family relationships. Among the fairer sex there are ladies who are ready for infidelity, for the sake of:
- careers. There are many examples when a big boss gets girls who are ready to do anything for a promotion as his mistresses;
- wealth. The desire of beauties of the 21st century to live on a grand scale is not always realized in reality. The average man cannot provide a monthly flight abroad, vacation at resorts, shopping and other delights of life. When a rich lover is an all-time classic;
- simply because she likes to feel the adrenaline and change men. Such women also exist. At the same time, she feels comfortable living with her husband, who belongs to the spineless class.
She feels indifferent
Not to you, but from you. Understand that women are built completely differently. What seems normal to you may not suit her at all.
Imagine: you wooed her, showered her with gifts, flowers, compliments. And now the goal has been achieved - it is yours. And then it all began to fade away. You no longer have the same interest and desire to achieve it. It has become part of your everyday life. Or better yet, a housekeeper who does all the work and sometimes sleeps with you.
Yes, you can be so comfortable. And what she needs there is of little concern to you, or you simply don’t think about it. And this is where many people make a huge mistake. And then they wonder: why do girls cheat, have I not given her enough?
Few. If you think that you can relax the buns once it becomes yours, then this is not so. Strong, long-term relationships are built not only on trust and comfort. You need to surprise and conquer her every time. When a woman feels her importance and your love, she is unlikely to want to have an affair on the side.
Reasons for female infidelity
Emotional emptiness
The physical presence of the husband alone is not a sufficient condition for the wife to receive the full range of necessary emotions.
After some time, such a man, in the eyes of most women, will begin to seem not important and loved, but simply a burden that burdens life.
Whispers of infidelity can often make their presence known when women feel emotionally abandoned.
It is important that couples communicate regularly about their needs and expectations as these tend to change over time.
Read: signs of a wife cheating
Instead of making assumptions or hoping that the husband can read women's thoughts, it is very important for the wife to promptly initiate a calm and sincere conversation about the emotional needs that remain without male attention.
Most women cheat or explain their cheating by saying that their emotional needs are either not being met or are perceived by their partner as unworthy of attention.
As a result, women feel lonely, unnecessary, and consumed by a lack of proper attention to themselves.
In most cases, cheating was not a completely deliberate act, since the woman was in a vulnerable state when another man began to pay attention to her, which, of course, does not completely absolve her of blame for what happened.
Lack of sex
We can safely say that sex, being on the same level with the emotional component, is the central link of a relationship, and its lack is the main reason why women cheat.
Constant physical intimacy strengthens the neural pathways responsible for sexuality.
The hormone oxytocin, produced during lovemaking, helps maintain intentions to maintain harmonious relationships.
All this greatly contributes to increasing interest in each other, as well as the manifestation of excitement and strong attraction.
Revenge
Some wives cheat in response to their husband's betrayal, thereby, as if saying, “Well, how do you like this lesson?”
The worst thing is when retaliatory measures arise not as a reaction to the betrayal of a spouse, but simply as a manifesto of a resentment that has arisen, for example, that broke out during a major scandal.
Therefore, it is important for women to be able to not accumulate anger and resentment within themselves, and to be able to quickly get rid of negative feelings.
On the other hand, it is difficult to be truly committed to another person when you do not feel the emotional freedom and comfort of being in the relationship.
If you truly care about your partner, it is almost impossible to hold a grudge against them, especially if you are in a long-term relationship or marriage.
Everyone has their own life
Until recently, you did everything together, but lately your interests have undergone a separation?
If a man spends almost all his free time with friends, and a woman pays more attention to her friends than to her husband, she may have the opportunity and desire to share her interests and hobbies with another cheerful guy.
Soon a woman may conclude that she has more in common with her work colleague than with her own husband.
Lack of communication
Time spent on telephone calls is not taken into account. We are talking about direct communication between a man and a woman, face to face.
One of the reasons why girls cheat is the lack of time spent together with their partners.
Turn off the TV, put phones, laptops and other gadgets aside. Then look at each other and, sitting next to each other, discuss the past day, and also share your emotional state.
Wives who don't cheat have a deeper connection and closer contact with their husbands.
Boredom and the desire to “spice up” relationships
Even for the most interesting and rich relationships, it is completely normal if from time to time couples are in a calm state, when it seems that nothing is happening, and the expectation of something incredibly new and intriguing is replaced by boredom.
However, some women are ready to cross the boundaries of what is permitted in order, as it seems to them, to “revive” the marriage.
A woman may feel that her life has become monotonous, boring and predictable, and relationships on the side will be an exciting way to get out of the deadlock of stagnant life.
Stealth, secrecy, passion, excitement and risk can create an explosion of pleasant emotions caused by a surge of hormones.
At the same time, a woman can sincerely declare that her betrayal in no way diminishes her love for her husband.
Sexual incompatibility
You can build unity in a couple on an emotional level, but this will not guarantee the presence of an idyll in the relationship between a man and a woman.
Sexual incompatibility can be an obvious reason why women cheat.
Having finally become convinced that the man does not want to take a step forward in order to smooth out the existing differences in love preferences, the woman is quite capable of deciding to satisfy the existing needs on the side.
Low self-esteem
Sometimes wives cheat in order to increase their self-esteem, when problems with their spouse are the cause of internal devastation.
If a man takes a woman for granted, ignores her, or even humiliates her, especially over an extended period of time, a woman's self-esteem will inevitably suffer.
As a result, a woman may experience a desperate need to realize her worth in the eyes of another man.
The desire to show your “I”
Sometimes a woman committing infidelity is nothing more than a way of expressing herself in a relationship in which she feels the lack of influence on important decisions.
If a woman feels excluded from any influence in everyday decisions, financial decisions, or plans for the future, the temptation to step outside the confines of marriage can be especially tempting.
Diving headlong into a river of deception can give some women a pleasant feeling of power and control.
In such a situation, it is important to discuss whether the relationship is flexible enough to provide the best compromise when making decisions together.
Money
You may not be surprised that financial difficulties and lack of money in the family can cause a woman to cheat, going in search of a stronger shoulder.
But this problem can be looked at from a slightly different angle. Women tend to cheat on their husbands more often when they have money, not because they are looking for it.
A woman's financial success affects her testosterone levels, which in turn affects her love life.
As more women become financially independent, they automatically become less dependent on their partners, which increases their levels of the hormone testosterone and decreases their estrogen levels.
Additional testosterone may increase a woman's desire to have an affair with a man she doesn't know for one night just for fun.
On the other hand, married women who are less financially independent will have lower testosterone and higher estrogen levels, which contribute to increased attachment to their partner.
It is important to note that financial success will not automatically force a woman to cheat on her husband, but rather will only intensify her existing desire.
Platonic infidelity
Most people view emotional cheating as harmless communication, but it often turns into physical cheating.
And although it is very difficult to establish the line when habitual communication ends and emotional deception begins, platonic feelings can cause a lot of trouble.
For different people, emotional deception, as a rule, takes on completely different meanings, but in any case its presence comes down to the same motivation: if a woman experiences an emotional need that is not satisfied within the existing relationship, and the spouse tries to find satisfaction outside of it , such behavior should be considered platonic infidelity.
Examples of platonic infidelity include a woman searching for another man in order to feel admiration for herself, her importance, worth, and external sexual confirmation.
High affection
It would seem that a wife who is overly attached to her husband would be less likely to entertain thoughts of cheating.
But it is not uncommon for women who need a high level of affection to be more prone to infidelity for this very reason.
An unsatisfied need for high affection can make a girl “insatiably hungry” for closer communication, for which she will need an outside connection.
In order to find yourself
Being constantly involved in various obligations, women can feel a sense of constant employment, acting as a wife, mother, office worker, etc.
An understanding of oneself arises through the prism of one’s activities, but at the same time there may be a distance from one’s own personality.
Therefore, a woman can decide to cheat, getting confused in all the ways of expressing herself, which are determined by existing obligations.
She may be seduced by a fresh sensation - an awakening sense of freedom.
Age-related changes
It's no secret that as women age, they begin to realize the loss of a considerable number of their own qualities that once made them desirable to members of the opposite sex.
Finding a sense of attractiveness can be a starting point for a woman to cheat if the concerns discussed really bother her a lot.
And although an affair may make a woman feel at the peak of sexual desire for some time, in the long term, there will most likely be an unpleasant setback in her mental state.
In order to start a new relationship
Ending a relationship, especially a long-term one, is never easy.
Therefore, sometimes girls cheat in order to put an end to the relationship and burn bridges behind them forever, which in general is quite rare.
Much more often, cheating is caused by the desire to start a new relationship, so as not to be left alone as a result of a breakup.
Women prefer to prepare an alternate airfield before ending their current relationship.
A special type of woman
Objectively, we must agree that women, so to speak, are more monogamous creatures than men.
However, even among this series of monogamous beauties there are very easily accessible lovers of polygamous relationships.
And if a man decides to throw in his lot with such a young lady, then he is clearly unlucky, or he has very little understanding of women.
Loss of a man's dominant role in a relationship
The head of the enterprise called "Family Relations", in its classical form, must be a man. The man is the leader, the woman is the follower.
When the roles are distributed in a different way, such a man is very likely not to be considered worthy of her respect by a woman, and cheating may well be regarded by a woman as a completely common thing.
In addition, if a man seems to be doing well, but he invests more in the relationship than a woman, does not take care of himself and does not have his own interests, there is never an hour when his beloved will get bored with behavior reminiscent of the interaction between a mistress and her lackey. Imbalance in a relationship is a very slippery and dangerous phenomenon.
A woman is a woman
How many times in his life does a man deceive himself with his irrational beliefs and inexplicable actions? What can we say about deception on the part of a stranger, and moreover, in the person of a woman?
Are you sure that a woman who has begun to actively communicate with her divorced girlfriends will not take a step towards infidelity with their help?
Are you sure that if you are not around when a woman finds herself in the company of her favorite Hollywood actor, who also speaks good Russian, she will remember in time that she needs to go home?
Are you 100% confident in your woman? And how do you do this, if it’s dangerous to trust yourself 100%, because anything can happen?
Of course, you shouldn’t live in a state of fear or suspicion, but don’t lose concentration, don’t be lazy, and don’t be a weakling.
She is not satisfied in sex
And again, mistakes that many make. Allegedly, I’m a man, and I want sex, but why do women need it? Yes Yes. Continue to think like that, and you will remain in splendid isolation.
Sex is just as necessary and important for women. Maybe even more than for men, it depends on temperament. Good sex is the key to a strong and long-lasting relationship. And if this sex is not at home, then it can be found somewhere else.
Your intimate relationship should not turn into a boring chug once a week or month. You must also take care of her pleasure. Do you know, for example, whether she had an orgasm or faked it? Sex in a long-term relationship should not become a routine. There are many ways to diversify your intimacy, so you can safely try something new.
If any problems begin to appear in your sex life, talk to her. They can be corrected or at least some kind of compromise can be reached.
Lack of attention from husband
The answer to the question of why wives begin to cheat on their husbands can be found in the depths of female psychology. One of the reasons for unsuccessful marriages may be cooling in the relationship between the spouses. This often happens when over time they get tired of each other and begin to move away. When a husband does not pay enough attention to his wife, she feels abandoned, unhappy and unloved.
Loss of mutual interest, reluctance to give in, or find a compromise - these are not all the possible options for the deterioration of relations in a couple. Over time, in such a family the situation may become tense, the spouses will quarrel and conflict over various trifles. Eventually, the husband becomes so distant from his wife that he simply stops noticing her. He does not pay attention to her, spends more and more time with friends, prefers to work on his car or play computer games. Unfortunately, a man simply ceases to be interested in his wife as a woman. It’s understandable why wives cheat in such an environment.
She wants to improve her self-esteem
Quite often, psychology interprets girls’ betrayal as an attempt to assert themselves. What's the easiest way to raise your self-esteem? Of course, to make sure that other men still want her and feel thirst and lust for her. This is roughly what a woman thinks when she decides to cheat. She really wants to understand that she is desired, that she is still successful with men, that they look at her with interest, that they want her.
When was the last time you showed her attention? Did you say that she is the most beautiful? Did you buy beautiful lingerie for her? Did you want her not in the usual surroundings of the house, but right here and now?
Can't answer these questions? Then don’t be surprised that your woman wanted to get all this on the side from someone else.
Sex and love
So why do wives cheat on their husbands, what makes them commit such immoral acts? There are two main reasons for this: new love and the desire to take revenge on the husband. Moreover, in most cases, female infidelities occur in dysfunctional families, while men tend to “go to the left” even when they consider their marriage to be quite successful. For a man, love and sex are not the same thing, but for the fair sex these concepts are inseparable.
By and large, women cannot imagine sex without love and commitment. Married ladies, all the more, will not behave inappropriately, unless they have a sufficiently compelling reason for it. Sex for a woman is not just a process of intercourse, but something very significant, one might even say spiritual.
You are constantly quarreling
Every couple has a showdown. However, if this way to resolve all issues and exist in one territory is the only one for you, then it is unlikely that anything good will come of it.
Don’t think that only a man can slam the door after another scandal and go looking for relief for one night. In the same way, she may get tired of the tense atmosphere at home, and she will go where she will be pleasant and comfortable.
Try to listen to her words, be tolerant, find out why you are fighting in the first place. Ask questions, find out what doesn’t suit her in your relationship. Because insults, shouting and mutual accusations will not fix anything.
Sexual dissatisfaction
Often the reason for a woman’s infidelity lies in her husband’s inability to satisfy her sexually. However, the reasons for this may be due to other factors. For example, certain living conditions do not allow spouses to be alone when they want. Also, a similar problem can arise in a large family. In the end, a woman may decide to cheat in order to diversify her sex life and fulfill unrealized sexual fantasies. It’s banal, but this happens too.
What's the point of looking for someone to blame in such cases? It is more correct to think not about why wives cheat, but about how to prevent it. If a married couple has any difficulties sexually, then they need to look for ways to solve them, because cheating will not solve these problems, but will only aggravate them and add new ones.
You're too jealous of her
The reasons for girls cheating may seem paradoxical to you. But you must remember: being jealous of her for every pillar, sooner or later you yourself will push her to betrayal.
The logic is absolutely simple. She thinks: “He is jealous of me for no reason, I didn’t even look at the side. It’s better to really hook up with someone so that it doesn’t hurt, otherwise he’ll accuse me of something I didn’t do.” Logical, right?
She'll get tired of the crazy control one day. Even if she is the most faithful girl in the world, it is impossible to withstand constant pressure from scratch. And even if she doesn’t change, she’ll simply leave.
So don’t rush to immediately accuse her of infidelity. Maybe you yourself have annoyed her with your constant nagging. Learn to keep your jealousy under control - don't let it control your relationship.
Why do wives like to cheat?
Much has been said about the causes of infidelity, the components and differences in approaches to infidelity between men and women. It is worth noting that all ladies can be divided into two large categories:
- those who cheated once by accident and are tormented by it;
- those who see treason as everyday life and constantly have lovers.
Why do women love to cheat so much? The answer here is the same as to all questions about betrayal. For a woman, the most important thing is the emotional component of life. If a lady does not experience bright emotions - love, desire, passion, interest, then life loses color.
One key difference emerges here. There are women who receive all these feelings without violating personal boundaries. But there is also a category that is not capable of diversifying life without going to lovers. Every day their need for variety is increasing.
Too little emotion
We must not forget that women are built completely differently. They constantly need new emotions to recharge themselves.
If there are no new impressions and experiences, she will become bored. Give the girl emotions: with trips, gifts, events. Even a small present for no reason can be more valuable to her than an expensive gift.
Just go ahead and buy her a bouquet of flowers today. No subtext, no obligation, no reason. And you will see how her eyes will burn. True, if before this you messed up big time, there is a chance of getting hit in the face with these same flowers. So act according to the situation.
Is it the woman's fault?
Many women, when they get married, forget about their belonging to the fair half of humanity. Previously, they tried to be beautiful and charming, but now, when the marriage has already taken place, they turn into nondescript housewives, and their outfits are aprons and dressing gowns. However, there is nothing wrong with this, especially since family life requires its sacrifices, but nevertheless, a man may be little attracted to the curlers on the head of his chosen one. As a result, a woman becomes less desirable to her man, which leads to many disagreements that occur in married couples.
In fact, all of the above, rather, may be the reason for male betrayal or even leaving the family. But if you are looking for an answer to the question of why wives cheat on their husbands, these factors should also be considered. The prerequisites for such female behavior lie precisely in the lack of attention of husbands to their other halves.
She bears all the responsibility
It may happen that you simply relaxed and quietly shifted the responsibility for your relationship onto her shoulders.
Housework is her job, her problems are her problems, all this has little to do with you. She works like a horse and earns more than you. The woman becomes a locomotive that drags your couple along with her. Do all women cheat in this case? No, but the risk is great.
No matter how strong she is, she also sometimes wants to be a weak and fragile girl. Feel cared for, protected and supported. Understand that she is BEHIND the man, like behind a wall.
Yes, all her outbursts and requests can be justified by the fact that she is going through a difficult period, difficulties at work and all that. But one day she will get tired. And she will want a man next to whom she can feel like a little girl.
Life after her betrayal
This may surprise you, but women almost always cheat on their loved ones due to a combination of reasons. They endure to the last, waiting for the situation to change, for their man to come to his senses and reconsider his behavior. For them, a lover is a breath of fresh air, a lifeline and the last hope.
Betrayal and deception eat a woman from the inside, cripple her soul. If a girl has already deceived her boyfriend once, then this lie will definitely be followed by another.
Whether the union will continue to exist after the betrayal is up to the couple. Not every man will be able to overcome his pride and forgive a traitor, but if he truly loves her, he will be ready to work on the relationship.
You are anywhere, but not near
Your day can be scheduled minute by minute: work, meetings, negotiations, calls, friends. And yes, a busy schedule in which there is no time with the woman you love will sooner or later lead to the fact that she will no longer be there.
You have to remember that presence is important for every girl. Under no circumstances should you sit over it like Koschey over gold. She just wants to feel that you are nearby and hear her. That you can solve problems and take responsibility. And if you are not there all the time, she gets the feeling that she is completely alone.
Even if you physically cannot be with her as much as she needs, be sure to let her know that you are not going anywhere. Take an interest in her affairs, ask her opinion or her advice. Sometimes a simple call or correspondence may be enough for her to be sure that you can hear her and can come to her aid at any time.
Then she won’t run to someone else for this, because what is the main difference between a woman’s infidelity and a man’s?
The fact is that a woman can endure for a very long time and carry everything within herself. But if at some point she realizes that she is missing something, she will look for it from other men.
Why do you dream that your wife is cheating?
Dreams are a mysterious thing. Sometimes a man may dream that his wife is cheating. He is ready to transfer this situation to real life. But here's the problem. Dreams are a reflection of our hidden thoughts and experiences. Therefore, if in a dream you witnessed infidelity, most likely it’s all about increased jealousy and suspicion.
Analyze how worried you are about the possible fact of betrayal. Are there any prerequisites for this or do you only have your own speculation? If a man has such a dream and it is disturbing, pay attention to your wife, try to devote more time to her. This way you will find out about the absence or presence of infidelity, strengthen the relationship so that infidelity does not occur.
The topic of female infidelity is vast. It is difficult to draw one line under all situations. Each family has its own rules and characteristics, so not a single story of infidelity is like the others. But in this whole story there are important points that are worth summarizing:
- Treason is a voluntary action. Despite the reasons that could lead to the commission of the act, the final decision is still made by the person himself. That's why you shouldn't blame circumstances. There is another way out of any situation;
- men and women see betrayal differently. If for a man it is more important that a woman physically belonged to another, then for the fair half feelings come first;
- to admit infidelity or not is a rhetorical question. You can’t give unambiguous advice without knowing the people and the details. But the old rule still applies: “the less you know, the better you sleep”;
- What should spouses do after cheating? Should I forgive my wife or not? A question that haunts deceived husbands. If you decide to forgive and restore family relationships, the topic of betrayal should be forgotten once and for all. You cannot reproach her and, in the heat of a quarrel, try to inject your spouse more painfully with this information.
Attitudes towards infidelity are formed not only through public opinion. One’s own point of view is developed over the years, wisdom and understanding come. Therefore, the older people are, the easier it is to forgive betrayal. But it’s still better to avoid such a situation and try to correct it even at the moment the first alarm bells appear.
We also recommend reading - Why married men have mistresses: the psychology of a married man
Is it possible to avoid
Yellow color in psychology - what it means for a woman, man, child
To avoid a girl cheating, a man must give her what she wants and expects. It happens that an “adventurer,” even when getting married, is set up for adultery from the very beginning (perhaps influenced by the negative example of her parents or her own experience from the past). Even in these events, adultery can be prevented, the main thing is to take action in time. To do this, a man must:
- Avoid situations where a girl, under any pretext, is left alone with other gentlemen;
- Demonstrate your trust to your chosen one in every possible way and never show suspicion, even if there are reasons for this;
- Show the chosen one that he loves, appreciates, respects her and does not try to change her;
- Under no circumstances should you remind your lover about her past or ask about previous relationships. As practice shows, memories of stories from the past, of turbulent youth, often provoke women to “search for adventure.”
Also, a gentleman should pay his beloved as much attention as possible, never deprive her of sex and respond to any requests. If a woman wants to discuss something together, she must be listened to (even if the problem seems trivial to the man). Trusting and warm relationships are the best prevention of adultery.
Adultery can be avoided by paying more attention to your other half
You can't forgive - where to put a comma?
Men experience betrayal more difficult, some even become depressed. What to do if a girl cheated on you? How to survive the betrayal of your loved one?
First you have to pull yourself together, calm down and force yourself to accept the situation. What happened, happened. There is no way to fix this.
Don't drown the problem in alcohol - it won't help.
Switch to other activities : plunge into work, communicate with friends, take up a hobby. If this does not help, seek help from a psychologist.
Does it make sense to restore the relationship?
After you calm down, try to soberly assess the situation .
If the girl repents and wants to return. Ask yourself whether you can forgive your unfaithful lover. Some men succeed.
However, to forgive does not mean to forget:
- Will you be able to have sex with her like before?
- Will you constantly suspect her if she stays late at work?
- Will you be able to refrain from bringing up memories and not mentioning them during every quarrel?
- Are you able to trust the traitor as before?
If you are not sure that you can forget about a girl’s infidelity, it is better to forget about the relationship. Otherwise, your life together will turn into hell .
Don't you need to work on relationships?3
If a man is surrounded by constant affection and care, he may completely forget that a relationship is not just an unrequited manifestation of love and tenderness on the part of the other half, but also constant work. When a person refuses to try for both and move the relationship forward, the woman will definitely have a desire to find someone who wants it.
How often does cheating happen?
A woman’s betrayal can be an isolated incident or repeated periodically. It all depends on whether the woman wants to cheat on her husband. If a lady does this consciously, out of a thirst for thrills, she is unlikely to stop at one act of adultery. If the girl was forced to do such an act, it is quite possible that the intervention of a psychologist and the improvement of relationships will help to avoid a repetition of the unpleasant situation in the future.
Statistics say that 70% of female infidelities are adultery committed repeatedly. Psychologists say that for some women, acts of adultery are like a drug. Such “drug addicts” develop a feeling of dependence on thrills, they constantly want extreme sports, the easiest way to get it is to end up in bed with a strange man. Such addiction can be successfully treated using family psychotherapy methods, but both spouses must take part in the sessions.
