Is this rivalry in psychology? Is it partnership in management?

Adviсe

• Features of rivalry
• Neurotic rivalry
• What is competition? Its varieties
• The meaning of competition

The term “competition” comes to us from Latin. This word means “moving forward together.” But in current usage in society, competition refers to economic competition, struggle, rivalry. Only one person wins, even if all opponents are good. In a post-industrial society, the main goals are determined by people. The main goal is to increase profits. In addition, the synonymous concepts of competition sound quite harsh: money, status and power. Competition is based on these laws.

Rivalry, in turn, is a relationship between individuals, which is characterized by a struggle (hidden or open) for authority, love, money, fame, and self-realization.

Features of rivalry

From the position of psychoanalysis, the features of rivalry are considered as the main element of psychosexual development of the individual, which affects character. This is expressed at an early age. First, as a struggle for parental love against the backdrop of relationships with other children in the family.

According to Sigmund Freud, the Oedipus complex is the root cause of the conflict that arose due to childhood jealousy towards a parent of the same sex. The results appear in adulthood. If this complex caused a powerful feeling of rivalry in the mother in her childhood, then in the future it takes on sharp forms. They affect her actions and cause this feeling in her daughter since childhood. Maternal rivalry manifests itself in an attempt to intimidate her daughter, humiliate her, prohibit communication with men, etc.

Freud agreed with the presence of rivalry in the life of the individual. Rivalry is often noticed in a family with several children. He believed that only after overcoming such a feeling is it possible for positive emotions to emerge.

Rivalry is normal. It activates human strength, helps to develop personality, to improve. It is present in every relationship and area of ​​human life. Along with this, competition gains such manifestations and strength that it can become pathological, which leads to the formation of various contradictions and neuroticism.

The Hunger to Win: How Outdated Concepts of Rivalry and Competition Are Keeping You From Achieving Your Goals

Recent discoveries in the field of psychophysiology and pedagogy show that the best results are not achieved in conditions of competition, and they do not at all depend on the presence of an opponent. On the contrary, we achieve more when “they don’t breathe down our backs.”

There are three ways to reach the chain:

• competition (work is aimed at achieving superiority over others);
• cooperation (joint work);
• independent activity (work is in no way related to the activities of others).

Defenders of the idea of ​​competition operate with four “myths”:

• Myth 1. Competition is an inevitable companion of life; it is inherent in human nature.
• Myth 2. Competition brings out the best in people and reveals their hidden capabilities. We couldn't achieve anything without competition.

• Myth 3: Competition is fun. The most spectacular games and shows are always built on this principle.
• Myth 4. Competition strengthens character and gives self-confidence.

Let's comment on these myths.

There are two counterarguments to the assertion that competition is inherent in humans. First: cooperation is just as typical of humans as competition; second: rivalry is an acquired trait and is not inherited (in the biological sense).

Parenting psychologists David and Roger Johnson have noted that in everyday life, we are more willing to recognize and support the principle of cooperation, since joint activities require less attention from us than competitive activities.

Psychologist Ashley Montague proved that without joint activity, society simply could not exist . Man only moved from one stage of evolution to another because he was aimed at collective activity (an example is the fact that parents jointly solve such a complex problem as raising children).

How are things going with evolution? We often believe that the struggle for existence results in the survival of the fittest. With this understanding, culturally determined competition is projected onto nature, so that one can say that the basis of this approach is a typically “anthropomorphic” principle of thinking.

Already Peter Kropotkin in his famous book “Mutual assistance among animals and people as an engine of progress” (1919) described in detail the mechanism of collective activity in animals. He pointed out that replacing rivalry with mutual support contributes to the continuation of the species. Biologist Stefan Jay Gold has convincingly proven that the process of evolution in its structure does not require such a principle as competition at all.

We get used to competing with others very early - not even always directly, for example, in those moments when we watch a football match on TV or when a colleague before our eyes eliminates applicants for a position that he himself wants to occupy, etc. The more moments of competition we we see and experience, the stronger our need to win over others develops. The habit of acting as a team allows us to do without feeling superior.

This dependence was proven in the research of the famous sports psychologist Terry Orlik, one of the founders of the theory of cooperative games. Orlik studied the relationships between children who played cooperative games from preschool through second grade. He found that these are the types of games children prefer: two-thirds of boys and girls aged ten are more willing to play games in which no one loses than those that result in a winner and a loser.

We find an interesting view of this problem in comparative anthropology. More and more often, researchers of the culture of primitive peoples are inclined to think that primitive people were able to survive primarily due to their ability and willingness to act together , and not at all due to aggression, the use of tools or the volume of the brain.

Unlike primates, the principle of group activity was actively used in early human societies; the willingness to “share their resources” was very characteristic of them. In the 1930s, Margaret Mead convincingly showed that primitive societies that have survived to this day are distinguished by a high ability and readiness for group activity. Futurist Rain Eisler came to similar conclusions.

Let's talk briefly about what arguments were used to prove the inevitability of rivalry in human life. Sigmund Freud based his concept on the assumption that competition is a fundamental principle of our existence. The Freudian model is deeply rooted in our culture, so we can assume that people perceive and adhere to it without noticing it themselves.

Freud argues that man is an egoistic being who primarily seeks pleasure. For him, people are not at all creatures thirsting for love and understanding; on the contrary, their distinctive and necessary quality is aggressive instincts. According to Freud, rivalry is irreducible, and the idea of ​​it is already established in the relationship between parents and children. The desire to be loved leads to an endless struggle, culminating in the Oedipus complex: the father is seen as a rival, and the mother as a reward for victory.

Fortunately, the neo-Freudians, and especially Karen Horney, take a different view. Karen Horney has proven that the desire for rivalry and competition is a compensation for self-doubt and low self-esteem. For her, mental health is closely related to a weak need for competition.

What influences the success of our activities?

We hear so often that we have to be better than others that we end up believing that competition is a prerequisite for effective work. This belief permeates our culture. But recent discoveries in the field of psychophysiology and pedagogy show that the best results are not achieved in conditions of competition and do not depend on the presence of an opponent. On the contrary, we achieve more when “they don’t breathe down our backs.”

Teamwork means more than just the ability to function in a group. To do this, it is necessary that there be a certain task, the result of which depends on joint actions, and a common goal in which the success of each member of the group directly depends on the success of the actions of the entire group. In practice, this means that there is not only an exchange of ideas, but also a distribution of resources and responsibilities, and, finally, that each member of the group shares in its success.

Students learn best when they work in a group where everyone helps each other. Of course, skeptics doubt that both good and bad students benefit from this. We argue that not only weakly or moderately gifted children receive special benefits from such an organization of the educational process, but also talented children learn better in this case.

How to identify the adverse effects of the competitive principle? First, you need to differentiate between two completely different things: working hard and trying to outdo someone else. If during work we strive to prove our superiority, then our attention is divided, and less energy is spent on completing the task itself.

This is typical in many situations: athletes become stressed due to intense competition and lose reaction speed and concentration; journalists put themselves at risk in pursuit of sensations and are careless in gathering facts; scientists neglect to conduct experiments carefully and falsify test results; managers begin to get nervous and are afraid to ask their colleagues or boss for advice in difficult situations.

More on the blog: Why smart people are not always wise

We do our best when we work with passion and interest. This is called intrinsic motivation. It is especially noticeable when it comes to learning new, complex or interesting things. We cannot replace internal motivation with external motivators (which include money, grades, recognition). Research shows that extrinsic motivation has a negative impact on enthusiasm and interest in a problem.

If a person is motivated only externally, then, paradoxically, the pleasure of solving the task is lost, which leads to a poor result. Of course, there is an exception: very strong motivation can grow from a sense of personal responsibility for other people, which is not surprising - this positive connection creates a sense of inner community and confidence and, thus, increases satisfaction from solving a collective task.

Does competition build character?

Consider the psychological consequences of rivalry. If we have a choice, we usually avoid situations in which there is an element of competition and the possibility of losing. As a rule, we try to avoid overly ambitious people. Instinctively we understand that competition, in principle, is something unnatural. But then why do we still take part in it again and again?

The first explanation is that many activities are modeled on the competitive process, and it is quite difficult for us to distance ourselves from this because this principle has permeated our lives everywhere. From here competitive beliefs develop, which are also encouraged at all levels. But there is another explanation.

We begin to compete in the hope of resolving deeply hidden doubts about our own capabilities and increasing our self-esteem. Victory over an opponent gives a person the illusion of increasing his self-esteem both in his own eyes and in the eyes of others.

The desire to be better than others, more successful, smarter, more loved - all this is just compensation for the lack of self-confidence. Of course, all people have an innate desire to develop their abilities and talents, to improve themselves and to realize themselves. This was pointed out by the famous psychologist Abraham Maslow. But some people only feel comfortable when they manage to surpass others, and this desire has nothing to do with self-improvement.

In this case, any activity is associated with tension, because what is at stake is not just success or failure, but self-esteem. Thus vanity and ambition acquire the character of mania. When ambitious people find themselves in a situation where there is no opportunity to compete, they experience great discomfort.

Many workaholics work so hard in the first place because of their desire for competition, which they need like air. They become dissatisfied and irritated when, for some reason, they cannot prove their superiority over others.

Everyone has probably met people who do not feel the need to demonstrate their success and strength. They do only what seems attractive to them and matches their capabilities and interests. We perceive such people as mature and independent. Their charm is irresistible - they act and create freely. Almost always, such people have very high self-esteem and therefore do not feel the desire to compete with others.

In our culture, competition is the most widespread way of compensating for the fear of failure. But, paradoxically, fears about our own capabilities do not at all depend on how successful we are in real life. It's not just the losers, the poor, or the less gifted who doubt themselves. Many extremely successful people doubt their own worth.

Why this is so is not easy to answer. We cannot explain this fact only by negative childhood experiences. There are some other reasons, under the pressure of which we question our personal value. An important role in this is played by the separation from the usual conditions of existence, the rejection of a person from the circle of successful people and some spiritual inconsistency.

There is another reason why competition may not improve self-esteem. During competitions, we make our lives dependent on some external conditions: on judges, on success or failure. When we don’t compete with anyone, we experience completely different feelings. Working together with others makes us feel more confident.

The more active and broad the collaboration, the more likely it is that others will follow our example and be more willing to work and communicate with us. In this case, we constantly feel our own usefulness and value, we understand that we depend only on ourselves.

Finally, I would like to briefly describe the relationship between competition and fear. Everyone who is familiar with fierce competition experiences uncertainty, which does not go away over time, but only intensifies. Work productivity declines under the weight of competitive stress. Afraid of making mistakes, we become less inventive, and even performing mechanical actions can leave us in a stupor, which in turn increases uncertainty and fear.

But there is another fear - fear of victory. We worry when someone else loses because of us. At the same time, we are afraid of hostility from the vanquished. I must say that this fear is quite justified. The winner is admired, but also envied. We all know that many will not refuse to watch how yesterday’s winner is debunked.

Psychoanalyst Rollo May conducted a large interdisciplinary study on the emergence of fear in groups. He concluded that competition is the most common cause of fear in our culture. It weakens connections between people and leads to isolation. Anyone who is constantly in a state of competition with others feels lonely. The most important need - the need for social connections - is not satisfied.

Therefore, people prefer to avoid competitive situations, even if they are necessary for society. Then society resorts to all sorts of tricks to make people compete with each other. For example, non-competitiveness is positioned as weakness, although in human relationships, refusing to harm other people can be the beginning of healthy mental development. Competition is not only bad for the development of character, it negatively affects the way of thinking.

The world is divided into winners and losers, and this black and white vision applies to everything. We lose sight of many nuances and are increasingly inclined to believe that the world is divided into two camps: good and evil, intelligence and stupidity, wealth and poverty, etc. This limited view of the world is too high a price we pay for the desire to become a winner.

Finally, there is a very important fact that is often overlooked: competition depersonalizes us. After all, competition can only exist in conditions where everyone recognizes the same values ​​and strives for the same goals according to the same rules. This leads to the fact that individuality is relegated to the background, which naturally affects creative activity.

Creative activity inherently presupposes the diversity of people, the originality of their thoughts and the willingness to question the appropriateness of previously made decisions. It is also not surprising that rivalry fuels conflict. In the case of constant competition, we are not dealing with courageous heroes, but with cautious, obedient people. If a person holds values ​​that go beyond impersonality, then he is usually very skeptical about the idea of ​​competition.

Also on the blog: Advice from a psychologist on how to work with a person you don’t like

Cooperation instead of competition

Our personal life also largely depends on the presence of competition in it. Often intimate relationships are burdened by the fact that close people strive to win over each other. When a child is born, new rivalries arise. A fierce struggle for the child's love breaks out between father and mother. Sometimes parents start playing the game “Superbaby”: they compare their child with other children in the family or with the children of friends.

Both parents and children develop anxiety and uncertainty, because parents completely forget that there are no standards for the child’s development. Who will start talking first? Who runs faster? These are all irrelevant questions that we must abandon. Not only family relationships suffer from thoughts of competition, but also friendships, when people, instead of enjoying their differences from each other, begin to compete with each other.

If we strive for our children to become full-fledged members of society, it is necessary to create the prerequisites for their real development: for example, it is very important to develop in them the ability to empathy, the ability not only to imagine the existence of a different point of view, but also to get used to it and understand what motivates another person . Empathy promotes the development of a willingness to help others in difficult situations.

Children who develop cooperation skills are freed from such unpleasant feelings as envy and neglect. Envy is in many ways an invention of human society. People dream of recognition, attention, love - and competition gives them the illusion that it determines who is more worthy of all these benefits. Those who lose in this competition cannot perceive the success of others with anything other than envy. We envy everything the winner has.

Envy easily turns into hostility, contempt and hatred. We hate those who are more successful, who get more money, more recognition, and secretly wish the winner to lose. If we belong to the elect, that is, to the winners who, by their position or abilities, are at the top steps, then we easily cultivate contempt for chronic losers.

We tell ourselves that they do not deserve better, that they are innately weak in spirit, that they themselves are to blame for their defeat. This arrogant position frees us from questions about the fairness of the existing state of affairs and from concerns about mitigating the conditions of competition in society.

Cooperation and competition have one important difference . Those who cooperate with others usually trust people more easily. He can count on the fact that his friendly attitude towards others will find the same friendly response. Trust entails spiritual openness: I can let another into my thoughts and feelings. This is a factor in mental health and an important detail in building personal relationships.

Rivalry, on the contrary, spoils trusting relationships , and they are replaced by calculation: everyone calculates how far his frankness can extend. Cooperation connects people, competition isolates . Here we can again agree with Karen Horney, who argues that competition is not only the result of an extreme form of individualism in society, but also its root cause.

We have already said that rivalry is a type of aggression. The language reflects this very accurately: the very presence of rivals means that there is someone's victory and someone's defeat. Rivalry inevitably leads to hostility, which is especially clear in sports. The theory of catharsis is very popular now. Aristotle argued that we can free ourselves from feelings that cause us suffering by empathizing with the heroes of a tragedy in the theater.

By analogy, it is believed that sports competitions and other aggressive social and cultural events relieve their participants from internal tension. The most famous representatives of this theory are Sigmund Freud and human relations researcher Konrad Lorenz. They both believe that aggression is an innate human emotion. But this point of view can no doubt be refuted.

When we observe the aggressive attitudes of other people, our aggressiveness does not decrease at all; on the contrary, we learn from their example the technique of aggressiveness. At the same time, the barriers to limiting aggressiveness are becoming lower; for example, in athletes, aggressiveness is constantly increasing during the season. Children who are shown boxing films begin to interact with each other on a more aggressive level.

Primitive peoples, whose customs include sports games, are more prone to military aggression than others. Countless studies show that constant competition does not make children friendlier.

The feelings that competition awakens in us extend to our other activities. Constant competition keeps us constantly excited. Frustration can lead to the loser beginning to react with physical aggression, and inappropriate physical reactions occur not only in the loser, but also in the winner.

The reasons for this presumably lie in the fact that for everyone, without exception, the experience of competition causes negative emotions - uncertainty, fear and isolation. These emotions are so strong and lasting that even victory does not compensate for the suffering that preceded it. From all this it follows that society must constantly create new opportunities to introduce cooperation with other people. Cooperation helps us coexist with others.

It is quite natural that we see our partners in a good light and value our relationships with them. When we share success with others, we tend to support each other. This is especially significant for relationships that initially did not develop entirely smoothly. The experience of cooperation improves relationships between people of different nationalities, religious or cultural-ethnic backgrounds. Collaboration brings people together. In a cooperative atmosphere, it is always easier for us to be friendly with others.

Cooperation does not mean freedom from conflict. True collaboration results in everyone making their own contribution, everyone having their own opinion. On the basis of positive relationships, what can conventionally be called “constructive conflict” grows. When it comes to different interests and different points of view, all difficulties are quite solvable if they are not associated with issues of victory or defeat.

“Constructive conflicts” do not irritate, but educate, increasing the mutual interest of partners in accordance with the motto: “Disputes bring people together.” No one strives to ensure the defeat of their partner. In today's economy, we need human qualities that become valuable again: creative energy, resilience, determination, as well as team spirit, a sense of social responsibility and civic courage.

Author: Klaus W. Vopel, famous German psychologist and psychotherapist.

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Neurotic rivalry

The issue of neurotic rivalry has become an object of study for psychoanalysts. The works of K. Horney show that in Western culture this rivalry has the following differences from the usual:

the neurotic tirelessly compares himself with others, even when this is not necessary; ambition is not satisfied by achieving more than others or by success. It involves the desire to become unique; hidden aggression is demonstrated in the neurotic’s attitudes that no one should become better, luckier or more beautiful.

From this position, with a neurotic form of personal rivalry, it is not the essence of actions that is important, but the impression achieved thanks to them. With adequate personal rivalry, comparative success is sufficient, but with neurotic personality, the goal is to obtain absolute superiority.

If success does not live up to the expectations of an ambitious person, then it causes a feeling of disappointment. In the neurotic form, the destructive element prevails over the creative, because of this, it is more important for the neurotic to see other individuals defeated, rather than achieve their own success.

Horney also shows that the desire to win or to interfere with others is often noticeable in patients with a neurotic form of competition. Such individuals fear the success of the analyst. They do everything to thwart efforts, even when it harms themselves. They mislead psychoanalysts, hide information, but also try to stay in this state longer or show deterioration. Such a person will not report improvement, and if he does, he will attribute it to external factors.

A distinctive feature of this rivalry is that, while remaining destructive, it becomes the cause of high anxiety, which leads to its rejection. The neurotic acts simultaneously in two incompatible directions: he is guided by an aggressive desire to dominate, but at the same time he wants to remain a favorite of the public.

The reason for being afraid of yourself is the fear of losing love. Neurotics maintain rivalry because the desires of the superego create an obstacle to aggression, but because they are trapped between the desire for universal love and the thirst for superiority. This becomes the central conflict of personality.

In the course of studying the phenomenon of rivalry, the psychoanalyst comes to the conclusion that rivalry is becoming a problem for everyone in the West, it manifests itself in the form of a central conflict among neurotics. In struggle and competition, even adequate people tend to show destructive tendencies, which are individually important for a neurotic. The desire for individualistic competition that prevails in society becomes the cause of disruptions in relationships between individuals in different spheres of life, including relationships between a man and a woman. Because of the destructive nature of neurotic rivalry, it has more destructive consequences than simple competition.

Block 3. Rivalry. Form of activity.

Rivalry as a form of activity is regarded by the subject explicitly or implicitly as a way to ultimately live forever (genes) and gain POWER, both within one’s own life and beyond. As a hypersocial being, man, unlike all other living things, has received, due to the development of the brain, a GREAT OPPORTUNITY to live outside of personal life, in the memory of numerous indirect descendants, while everyone else tends to scatter only genes and is limited by personal history.

It is important to take into account that in the overwhelming majority of cases, the content of the rationalizations of many individuals who deny the desire for immortality and POWER, as a result, does not matter. This is also a way to gain immortality and POWER. The very development of human civilization is determined by these mechanisms.

From an evolutionary standpoint, rivalry is significantly inferior to another form - partnership.

What is competition? Its varieties

Competition is an extremely popular phenomenon in today's world. It permeates all layers of society, as well as all spheres of life. Education, entrepreneurship, art - it is difficult to find an area that excludes competition and the struggle for primacy.

But why is competition needed? She makes our world move forward. This is the main factor of progress and evolution. Competition drives innovation and controls global markets. Thanks to this, we have our livelihood.

The main benefit of competition is not winning, but increasing efficiency. It releases hidden “reserves” and helps to make great efforts. Participants in such a struggle will find new strength in themselves, they will get a “second wind.” With an adequate approach, this happens even in a situation where it is impossible to win. It forces us to improve ourselves.

As for species-specific competition, biologists highlight competition among individuals within a species, as well as among representatives of different species due to the limited amount of resources in the world - water, food, shelters, etc.

In the economic sphere, there is business competition among entrepreneurs; each of them, through his own actions, limits the ability of rivals to unilaterally influence market conditions and the turnover of goods. This refers to the level of dependence of the market on the behavior of its participants.

In everyday life, there is competition in relationships of all ages. Children compete with each other no less than adults.

Why does competition arise in the family?

There is no single rule for all families: this is good, but what you do is “not human.” Nowadays, everyone sets the concept of a norm for themselves: some prefer the patriarchal model, some advocate equality of partners, some have always been led by women in their family.

Any approach in which the family overcomes crises and develops further is considered to be working. The young people got married and immediately agreed on who would do what chores around the house. For example, the wife cooks dinner, the husband washes the dishes. The floors are washed on Saturdays in turns.

Stages of family development and crises

1. Monad is a lonely independent person living separately.
2. Dyad - a couple begins to live together and agrees on the rules of living together. First crisis.
3. The triad is the birth of a child. Second crisis.
4. Birth of a second child. Third crisis.
5. Children go out into the outside world (kindergarten, school). Crisis in the family.
6. Teenage crisis.
7. Children begin to live separately from their parents. A crisis.
8. The eighth stage is symmetrical to the second: the elderly spouses find themselves together again. A crisis.
9. The ninth stage corresponds to the first. One of the spouses dies. The family life cycle ends.

If the spouses were unable to smoothly move from one stage of family development to another, or cope with new roles, then a problem arises.

For example, a couple had a child. The first crisis: young people are now not just husband and wife, but also parents. However, the man was raised in such a way that caring for a baby is an exclusively female task. But the wife does not agree: she believes that partners should bear responsibilities equally. They cannot come to an agreement, a struggle for power arises: “Who is the boss in the family? Whose opinion will be decisive?

A support group in the form of parents joins. Russian families are generally characterized by multi-generationalism - when grandparents, young spouses and their children live under the same roof. Or, for example, the newlyweds have moved, but the emotional connection with their parents is still strong, and at every step they need the approval of the older generation. The boundaries of an individual family in such conditions are blurred, the roles of its members are confused. Where it is not two, but several people who need to agree, there is always a risk of competition.

The meaning of competition

Is competition beneficial? Is it positive or negative? Do people need it? Why does the West consider competition useful, but Eastern teachings do the opposite? The thing is that they are addressed to different personalities, or try to create people of different types. To understand the meaning of competition, there are 4 types of individual’s attitude toward it in the process of increasing self-esteem and self-confidence:

The individual does not like competition and fears it due to low self-esteem. Competition forces the individual to act, but she has a negative attitude towards rivals because she is afraid of failures that will affect the assessment of the individual. A person considers competition a good thing and values ​​his rivals because they force him to work and act. Achieving success and personal development does not require motivation through competition. She has enough internal needs to move up according to the established plan.

It turns out that with low self-esteem, competition does not become motivation, but rather the opposite. But if it is overestimated, it is not required for the formation of motives. This is important to consider if you are busy raising or improving yourself. As long as an individual has low self-esteem, he does not need competition; it can cause harm. At this stage, it is important to be able to believe in yourself, because comparisons in any form can be harmful. You need to celebrate your own successes, compare them with your other achievements, and praise them.

The second stage comes when competition arises too early, the person was not ready for it. It is worth continuing to work on assessing your own personality, growing and developing, then there is a chance to reach the third level.

At this stage, cooperation is not an obstacle to competition, because when a person helps competitors rise, he creates new levels of achievement for himself, which brings pleasure when conquering new heights.

At the last stage, the person goes up, not looking at others and not evaluating them. Some may be higher, some further, but comparisons are no longer required to continue on the path to achieve goals.

Fantasies, expectations and reality about sibling relationships

Too often parents fantasize . That their children will be loving and responsible to each other. That they will be friends for life and will be together forever. And when it comes to veils, we often see rivalry between children. And this idealized scenario is rarely realized .

Thus, sibling rivalry can be defined as a set of hostile emotions. The thoughts and behaviors that some children experience in front of one of their siblings arise from a painful and disturbing basis.

The presence of sibling rivalry always implies a special form of suffering . Which can be expressed in different ways. Some are more subtle and others are more obvious or insidious.

From aggression and violence, intolerance, irritability, slight explosion. To the point of distorting another child's achievements. Prior to behavior that attracts parental preference.

There are 5 basic behavior strategies

• Rivalry.
• Evasion.
• Device.
• Compromise.
• Cooperation.

Each type has its pros and cons. And each strategy can be effective in a certain situation.

If you observe your friends, you will find that they most often use one type of behavior when quarreling. For example, a friend, even with minor misunderstandings with a guy, runs away, hides, in every possible way ignoring the clarification of the relationship. Or your brother, who amazingly always tries to find a compromise, finding ways to satisfy both sides.

Strategies for dealing with conflict

You need to know and be able to use various strategies. Sometimes defend your position. Meet somewhere in the middle. And in some situations, long dialogues are needed to come to something constructive.

In a competitive strategy, the main thing is to defend your interests. Even if this happens to the detriment of others. And of course, such behavior in conflicts has more disadvantages than advantages. When competing, one defends one's position, sometimes in an aggressive form.

What if this strategy is applied to you?

You feel like you're being forced to do something you don't want to do. What do you disagree with? Pressure, constant argumentation and persuasion make it clear to you that they are trying to persuade you to do something.

It is important to remain calm and show that you are not affected by such pressure. Show your willingness to negotiate. If this doesn’t help, then you can take a break. Explain that you need a couple of hours, after which you can return to the discussion again.

In this way, you make it clear that manipulation and various kinds of tricks do not work on you. But you are ready for a constructive solution to the problem, where both sides are taken into account.

It is better to use the strategy of competition in extreme situations. After all, over time, the rigidity of any strategy can increase. When choosing this or that form of behavior, do not forget to consider: how important it is for you to achieve results and achieve your goal, and whether it is important for you to maintain good relationships with your opponent.

Envy

Jealousy between siblings doubles down on these dark feelings. In the face of a successful brother, the envious brother wants to take possession of what his “enemy” has achieved.

Or for what his brother achieved to happen to him. Win a trophy, win a title, score a goal in a game, seduce that girl, and so on.

This dark feeling arises. Because the brother’s achievements and successes show envious people his own inability to achieve this.

In envious sibling rivalry, the envious person becomes the companion of the envied one. And he carries his pain inside. Because if he made it obvious, it would mean his inferiority.

In addition, there are expressions of anger that are not focused on the problems that the envious person is envious of. And in other situations. Which serve as a trigger for the expression of accumulated anger.

What is important to you

Photo by Liza Summer: Pexels
You definitely need to prove to her (him) and everyone else that you are exactly you! – you’re right in everything, but this idiotic dirty trick just gets on your nerves and fools everyone else!

Yes! You really want to insist on your own, to prove that you are right. And how often do you defend your point of view in conflicts? Violently proving that you are right, perhaps by shouting, and sometimes even by force?

They poked you on the bus, were rude, jumped in line with an insolent look, and you, like an angry tigress, are ready to pounce on the offender. You use both strength and power, the main thing is to achieve your goal.

This type of behavior in conflict is called rivalry. And if you think about it, this strategy is often used automatically.

If you look at it as a whole, then it is often possible not to bring some events to conflict. After all, a conflict is an interaction between two parties. If one side is trying to offend and somehow provoke, and the other does not react to it, then this will not be considered a conflict. But, if all participants are already involved, then a collision cannot be avoided.