Liana Gergeli
Author, content strategist and brand marketing expert. She has written for HuffPost, InStyle, Thought Catalog and Medium.
I go to the cinema alone. I visit museums alone. I'm eating dinner alone (and yes, I've given up the temptation to scroll through my Instagram feed while I wait for my order). I’m sitting alone in a coffee shop and leafing through a magazine. Alone, I take a train ticket and go to a new city, where I walk completely alone.
I understand that this may seem very strange. You probably think that I’m a cute weirdo, and also very lonely. It's funny, I was much lonelier before I started spending time on my own. The constant feeling that I was out of place, and the feeling that I needed people around me like air - that was loneliness. The feeling of constant anxiety and fear that the guy will leave me is loneliness. And spending time alone brings peace. This is interesting. And it increases self-esteem. And now I’ll tell you how I learned to spend time alone.
Thinking: men vs women
Of course, we think, feel and perceive the world differently. Just, dear women, have you ever wondered why you never hear about “single men”? It's about how they perceive periods of non-relationship. For them this is freedom! Why not also start looking at the situation from this angle?
We wonder how to learn to live alone. But it sounds somehow painful, with a slight note of sadness and suffering... Why have we stopped perceiving loneliness as a chance?
Looking at things from a different angle
The concept of “loneliness” has a negative emotional connotation. It is often associated with suffering and deprivation. Replace it with a word with a positive meaning. For example, “solitude”, “freedom”. Then the very attitude towards the situation will change. In other words, change the way you look at things.
Loneliness or opportunity?
Women, being alone, think that something is going wrong in life... It feels like in the absence of a partner, some important piece is missing... A puzzle that can be placed in the right place, and everything will become complete and harmonious. But is it?
Is breaking up with a man really that bad? Why are we accustomed to considering ourselves useless to anyone during these periods? Why do we carry loneliness in our hearts like a heavy weight on our shoulders? But there are a lot of advantages to being alone!
Return connections
There is nothing unnatural in the desire to give all your free time to your loved one. This is happiness - living with each other. But being left alone, you may suddenly realize that you have moved away from everyone who was important to you, besides your partner: friends, family. This realization adds stress to your attempt to be alone. If for some reason you are left alone, one of the most effective ways to quickly get rid of fear is to establish connections with loved ones and acquire new ones. Your family and close friends always know how to support you and restore your sense of self-worth, no matter what state you are in. Learning to be happy again around those who always make you feel better is a very important step towards freeing yourself from the fear of loneliness. Use this time to strengthen existing connections and create new ones with people who will bring changes, emotions and, perhaps, a desire to change into your life.
Pros of loneliness
№1
Energy. Think about how much time, effort and patience a woman spends to maintain a relationship. Especially when living together. Cleaning the house, reconciliation after conflicts, the ability to give in on time... You must adapt to the other person: what movie to watch, when to go to bed, with whom to spend the weekend, how to spend the family budget.
If you are alone, all this is left to you to decide. You can see a friend, go to the store, or spend the whole day in bed. And there will still be strength left!
№2
A free woman gets more pleasure from life. You can say “no” if, for example, you didn’t like the sex. You may never see each other again if you quarrel. Without a husband, you are able to choose with whom you want to spend the evening... And not be afraid of how he will react, whether he will call it “cheating”, or whether he will decide to take revenge.
№3
Being alone for some time, alone with themselves, women without men begin to love and respect themselves more: space, time, resources. You will finally be able to open your inner world, better understand your character, realize what you like to do? What places to visit?
It may turn out that the list turns out to be the complete opposite of the one you followed when you were with a man.
№4
You should not be afraid of loneliness for the reason that it is not forever, but will also end. Instead of grieving, it is better to enjoy.
