Good manners in tandem with politeness attract much more than good looks or status in society. Therefore, many will want to know what it really means to be a well-mannered person. Neither etiquette lessons nor self-development training will turn an ignoramus into an aristocrat. Noble behavior comes from the heart.
The right attitude and attitude towards people is formed in childhood. Over time, good manners become a habit, affecting every area of an adult's life. Although it is difficult to remain gallant in modern society, it is possible.
Good manners presupposes attentiveness, precision and targeting in expressive movements.
When a well-mannered person listens, his face is not frozen, not dead, but attentive, reflecting the state of his partner and promptly expressing those emotions that serve the partner as support and prompt suggestion.
If there is no need to express support and there is no need for operational suggestions, the face of a well-mannered person is calm and neutrally friendly.
Good manners means a certain restraint in expressive movements.
Laughing too loudly and waving arms is not acceptable among well-mannered people.
Another detail in which good manners are demonstrated in expressive movements is their subtlety.
The gestures are beautiful, not with a paw, not with the whole palm, but with living playing fingers, each of which can speak separately. Surprise not by turning the whole body, but by one glance or a raised eyebrow. Subtlety, beauty, aesthetics of every movement are a trait of well-mannered people.
Education and mental health are interconnected. A mentally healthy person acquires good manners more easily; good manners contributes to good mental health.
Author: N.I. Kozlov
What qualities does a well-mannered person have?
When they say about a person that he is well-mannered, it means not only knowledge of the correct manners, but also the real essence of the person. What qualities should a well-mannered person have?
It is worth admitting that in the modern world, being a well-mannered person is a real art. Having self-esteem, responding to rudeness with a smile and keeping your promises is not an easy task.
A well-mannered person is polite, friendly, affable, well-groomed, attentive, punctual, neat, kind, unobtrusive, pleasant, you can rely on him... You can continue ad infinitum.
But all these qualities can be combined in one word - respect. A well-mannered person has the ability to respect. Respect other people, but first of all yourself. This is not selfishness at all. A necessary prerequisite for earning respect from others. Remember the "Broken Windows" theory?
Briefly, the theory is this: like attracts like. Clear non-compliance with social norms is very effective in provoking similar behavior on the part of other people. If you have been rude, then it is likely that you will also want to respond in a not at all polite manner. And only education will not allow you to sink to the level of a boor.
If a person does not respect himself, then, frankly, in most cases it is difficult for him to count on the respectful attitude of others. Simply because with his appearance, behavior, manner of speaking and the words he chooses to speak, he provokes people to treat him accordingly.
Imagine a cafe where you go for coffee. And suddenly, without asking permission, a stooped man with tangled hair, sloppy stubble and traces of breakfast on his clothes sits down next to you. What will you do? I suppose you will “vote with your feet”, as the English say, and try to find another free table.
One of the most important parameters of respect for yourself and others is respect for personal space. A well-mannered person never invades someone else's personal space unless he is invited there. Personal space is multifaceted. And it is very easy to break it if there is no habit of respect. After all, this is the physical distance between people, these are smells, and unwanted sounds, and questions that should not be asked.
I'll tell you an example from life. Recently we were at a party. A young man, heavily covered in cologne, who worked for the company that organized this party, approached us and, with his mouth full (we were really lucky with the snacks at this party), quite loudly began to ask where we work, what we do, what the annual turnover is, and whether I’m married friend. Without waiting for an answer, the young man began to tell us just as loudly about his personal life. Fortunately, the uninvited intrusion was interrupted by a musical number, during which we hurriedly fled to another room.
Self-respect also involves fulfilling obligations, both towards yourself and towards other people.
One of the most important commitments to yourself is to “stay in shape.” And physical, and moral, and intellectual. No one consciously wants to be a stupid, depraved, fat, rude man. But, alas, there are people who do not think about whether they respect themselves or not enough to take care of themselves.
A well-mannered person also cares about others. Caring and respect can take many forms. Not having the best day? This is not yet a reason to spoil the mood of others. Have you promised to come to someone's birthday? And then you changed your mind because a much more tempting invitation turned up? Don't be surprised if on your anniversary you find yourself at a richly set and pre-paid table alone. After all, it’s not just you who are presented with “more tempting” offers.
It is important to remember that like attracts like. A well-mannered person treats others the same way he treats himself—with respect.
Tatiana Koshechkina
sunny7
Show respect and courtesy
Respect in society must be earned and, most importantly, not lost in the future. What kind of person is called well-mannered? Someone who is always ready to listen carefully to anyone who turns to him for advice, or at least not to show obvious disdain. Sometimes it's difficult.
Everyone encounters situations when there is neither time nor desire to communicate with a specific person. At such moments, it is very important to deviate from the conversation tactfully so that the interlocutor does not leave an unpleasant aftertaste in his soul.
To be able to follow your interests without offending others is a great art, worthy of understanding and mastering, because it greatly simplifies life and opens up many opportunities.
Reflecting educativeness
If an educated person has successfully completed important “courses” for himself and it is pleasant to do business with him, as with someone knowledgeable in a good deed, then an educational person has long stopped teaching himself and is focused on finding opportunities to teach someone else.
Frankly speaking, grandmothers are especially prone to such upbringing (elderly readers of this article, do not take this solely personally).
The other day I asked a simple question to one grandmother. After her answer, the second one sitting next to her decided to edit her answer, saying, you don’t say it like that, but like this. Probably, this comes from a harmless desire to share (for free) one’s own knowledge. After all, the feeling of not having enough use for your piggy bank is one of the most difficult to control.
No matter what knowledge or experience we have, we should not interfere in someone else’s dialogue without permission. Because in this case, good manners have more value than education.
It is good manners that will promptly remind you of the rule of three “Don’ts”:
1. You did not create man this way; 2. It’s not for you to judge him; 3. It’s not for you to redo it.
The desire to educate disappears if we take into account someone else's right to be respected on our part... if we respect someone else's right to express our own feelings, opinions and desires, no matter how right or wrong they are...
Education recedes into the shadows if we respect someone else’s right to set our own personal priorities and express our own views that differ from others. If we respect someone else's right to protect ourselves from moral and emotional threats, even if the methods of protection are very different from ours. If we respect the right to build our lives in accordance with our degree of understanding of happiness.
But if education, like gangrene, has already spread too much throughout the inner world, we must prepare for losses. I don’t know which ones exactly, but I’m sure there will be losses.
By persisting in an argument you will lose more than you gain. When you win, you are not defending the truth, but your bad manners
Baltasar Gracian y Morales
The art of communication
Education is the ability to maintain a conversation. A tactful person knows how to listen carefully to others, never interrupts and tries to help with advice if it is appropriate. During a conversation with such an interlocutor, you will not see a bored expression on his face; by nodding his head and the expression of his eyes, he will show that the subject of the conversation is interesting to him.
At the same time, such a person, seeing that the interlocutor is not interested in the conversation, will try to transfer him to another topic. He will not endlessly complain to you about his minor problems, such as problems with his mobile phone or conflicts with his superiors.
If you understand that you understand a certain issue better than others, you should not show it clearly and prevent others from expressing their thoughts. Believe me, if you really are an expert on a topic, then those around you will feel it during the conversation. Bragging about your wealth and high status is also not the best form; it is better to show off your erudition and intelligence, but not to the detriment of others.
If a person has a good upbringing, he will not rashly criticize everyone and everything, especially his friends who are absent during the conversation. In general, such people are demanding, first of all, of themselves; they try, if possible, to correct their shortcomings, broaden their horizons, and learn something new. Therefore, they simply do not have time to constantly criticize others; they treat others condescendingly.
A moral person is a product of moral education
Any education has its ultimate goal. In our case, the goal is a person who has a certain set of qualities, such as kindness, honesty, hard work, generosity, empathy, reliability, and loyalty. Morality is an individual quality for everyone. Each of us brings our own characteristics to this concept. Certain moral qualities are dictated by a person's profession: a soldier must be brave, a doctor and teacher must be kind and humane, a judge must be honest, and a fireman must be selfless.
Goals and objectives of moral education
Is it worth intentionally engaging in moral education? L.S. wrote about this. Vygotsky, arguing that attempts to intentionally teach morality are pointless. Such education should be carried out unnoticed, as if dissolving into everyday life. You cannot educate with a lecture on morality. The best method is the example of parents and teachers. Moral education occurs in the process of watching a film, conversation or reading a story with subsequent analysis of the behavior and feelings of the characters. It is impossible to imagine a special lesson “on morality”; it would be simply ridiculous. When implementing the idea of moral education, the teacher must be able to “dissolve the required portion of educational activity” into the usual educational process. To be able to correctly and clearly organize one’s moral and educational activities so that the child does not know about it, but only feels and absorbs it like a sponge - this is a sign of the teacher’s skill. And the result will be a mature, morally educated person, spiritually rich and mentally resilient - an excellent foundation for our “bright tomorrow.”
Don't humiliate yourself and don't impose yourself
You can also consider the opposite situation, when you need something, but they no longer want to communicate with you, for lack of the same free time or a banal craving for it. A well-mannered person is one who will not impose himself and put his own interests at the forefront. You can only offer your own company.
There is nothing wrong with asking others for a favor, but true tactlessness would be to extort them, accuse them of indifference, and so on. In essence, blaming other people is a lack of tact. In fact, such people blame others for the same things they themselves do.
If you try to achieve what you want using such methods, you can fall very low in the eyes of others, and then it will be very difficult to return a positive impression of yourself.
When education still takes place
Only in cases where we are dealing with a child under 6 years old. And even then, with special ingenuity, in most cases it will not be useful.
Stupidity has become attached to the boy's heart, but the rod of education will remove it from him.
King Solomon
Although you know, friends, what thought occurred to me? Life often presents unpredictable encounters and any of us may face an adult with the thinking of a child. What then?
Whether you take on the role of a teacher or not is up to you. But remember that we are being watched by those for whom a person’s upbringing has and will be of greater importance.
nomortogelku.xyz
Raising a “Human” article on the topic
Speech at the IV Intercession Readings
Raising a “Man”
Educates everything: people, things, phenomena,
but first of all and for the longest time - people.
Of these, parents and teachers come first.
Makarenko A. S.
The upbringing of a person begins from the first day of his life. Everything he sees, hears, feels, touches shapes his inner world. The basis for all further development of a child as an individual, first of all, is the family: with its traditions, way of life, and education system. The home environment is the source of life - the beginning of beginnings. The harmonious development of a child is ensured by friendship and love in parental relationships and relationships with loved ones. Communication with parents and adults is of particular importance in the formation of knowledge and life experience. The child develops a need to communicate with others, which becomes the most important source of his diversified development. A child is a mirror of family relationships. The family largely determines the range of his interests and needs, views and value guidelines. The relationships between adult family members leave an indelible mark on the child’s mind much earlier than he begins to realize that he has already developed ideas, tastes, priorities, and habits. Education in family life directly depends on how the relationships between adult family members develop. Therefore, the personal example of parents is one of the necessary conditions for introducing children to family traditions. The example of parents' own behavior is the most effective way to influence a child.
The family is a source of transmission of those traditions that have developed from generation to generation and contributes to the development of the child’s inherent abilities. The family plays a dominant role in the upbringing and development of personality.
The parental family should serve as a prototype for the child's future life structure. The family is called upon not only to pass on spiritual, national and cultural traditions from generation to generation, but, first of all, to perceive and support them.
It must be remembered that a child needs real examples and worthy authorities, and not formal abstract ideologism.
A child spends a significant part of his life in a family. It lays the foundations of the child’s personality. And because of what kind of relationships develop between adults and a child, what examples he sees in front of him, what meaning is put into the concept of “what is good and what is bad” in the family, this will be his worldview on the world around him, this is how he will build relationships in adulthood.
Our children's behavior is a projection of our attitude towards them.
Without the example and guidance of parents, a child loses the ability to develop as a person.
Following the participation of parents and loved ones, social institutions are also included in the upbringing and formation of spiritual and moral values: kindergarten, school, university, etc.
The school is designed to strengthen the child’s personal characteristics, create a favorable environment for his development, teach him to choose the right guidelines in life and resist the pernicious influence of the immoral behavior of others.
Raising a spiritually rich, moral and morally stable personality is the common task of family and school.
The continuity of the traditions of forming a child’s worldview in the family based on love, respect, trust, and honor is the primary task of the school. But, unfortunately, the family is not always a positive example. In the case when the behavior of loved ones is asocial and does not carry sound values, and is aimed more at the decomposition of the personality than at its formation, the school should become the determining factor in the development of the child, which will help form a hierarchy of values, fill the gaps in spiritual and moral education, will instill a love for the traditional family way of life, help social adaptation and form stable life guidelines.
The introduction of the course “Fundamentals of Orthodox Culture” into the general education program helps to turn to the original Russian traditions of raising a spiritually enriched and morally stable individual. Acquaintance with the basics of Orthodox culture reveals knowledge about the culture of human existence, primordially Russian traditions, formed under the influence of the Christian religion, which have a beneficial effect on the moral character of a person. The teacher must be an expert and connoisseur of Russian traditions, convey not only encyclopedic knowledge, but carry spirituality and culture in such a way that the child consciously strives to preserve and strengthen these traditions. This means that you can then believe that the Orthodox principles embedded in the child will help him grow into a strong and spiritually healthy personality.
T.I. Igolnitsyna (social educator, teacher of Orthodox culture)
Delicacy towards others
If a person is well-mannered, he, as a rule, will not point out to others their incorrect behavior. In other words, he will pretend that he does not pay attention to such things as loud sneezing or the unkempt appearance of the interlocutor. But if we are talking about a man, and someone uses foul language in front of his companion, then he is simply obliged to make a remark, otherwise it will be disrespectful to the lady. Needless to say, from a person with a good upbringing one can hardly hear rudeness towards anyone, even people who are unpleasant to him, and there is no question of “decorating” a conversation with obscene phrases.
Good upbringing presupposes an attentive attitude towards others, towards acquaintances and strangers, towards elders and younger ones. This means giving up a seat on a transport to a child or an elderly person, saying “thank you” for any service, even a trivial one, inviting people in line to let a pregnant woman go ahead.
A person who is well-mannered is always pleasant to be around because he tries to understand others and take into account their interests. If guests come to him, and it’s cold or raining outside, he will immediately treat them to tea. When he notices that someone is hot, he suggests opening a window or turning on the air conditioner.
Distinctive features
A well-mannered person is a person who uses expressions, intonation and tone in conversation that are conducive to friendly communication. Gestures, gait, and facial expressions also play an important role. You should be moderately modest, but not uptight and secretive. When you give your word, you need to be responsible for it, keep your promises, because you need not only to make a good impression, but also to consolidate it and maintain it for a long time.
The qualities of a well-mannered person help him communicate tactfully with others. There are specific instructions and tips that will help you get a fairly clear idea of the etiquette framework within which you will be considered a pleasant conversationalist and a welcome guest in any company.
Improving the social life of the individual
Thanks to the rules of etiquette, you can get an idea of how you should behave so that awkward situations and conflicts with other individuals do not arise. In general terms, they imply respect and benevolence during communication. In this case, the social position or position of the interlocutor should not play a significant role. Everyone is equally worthy of being treated properly.
Humanism believes that every human creation is inherently pure. Etiquette helps not to lose this inner light, maintain it within yourself and take care of the well-being of others.
Man is a creature for whom life in a society of his own kind is considered optimal. We are all closely connected. By insulting someone, you are discrediting yourself. A person whose upbringing and manners would not allow such a debasement would never do this.
By maintaining friendly relationships with other people, a person ensures his own peace. By respecting others, you value yourself highly. Those who assert themselves through rudeness and humiliation tend to have low self-esteem and do not consider themselves important.
Conversely, individuals who show respect for those around them feel quite confident and comfortable in society. The choice is yours.
Good manners criteria: such a different trait
There is a widespread understanding of civility in society, which includes courtesy, restraint, self-control and politeness.
Well-mannered people are far from hysterics and squabbles, do not spread rumors and avoid vulgarity. A well-behaved young man, a true gentleman, a modest and decent lady, a child who respectfully addresses his elders... Everything that was valued three hundred years ago is still in demand today.
This lies on the surface, however, true upbringing is a much deeper concept: only a balance between a person’s beliefs, thoughts, knowledge and his actions gives rise to a harmonious personality.
When words and gestures are one thing, but something else is in the heart, a person literally falls apart into its component parts.
In philosophical reflections, an educated person is seen as a standard of education and moral perfection. This is an intelligent, impeccably behaved individual who seriously cares about ethics and morality.
Usually good manners are characteristic of decent, highly moral, tolerant and altruistic individuals. It is difficult to meet an egoist and a scoundrel with this vital trait. But this is not an immutable rule: the world has seen thousands of well-mannered thieves, deceivers and lazy people!
Knowledge of etiquette
Unfortunately, in our society, many people do not know some of the rules of good manners, and some even neglect them. For example, pushing people aside on public transport is the height of disrespect for others. Well-mannered people, when entering a bus or building, always let older people pass first, and men should let ladies pass.
If there are other people near you, then it is unacceptable to clear your nose (blow your nose) in front of them. To do this, first go to the toilet room. Our body also has manifestations that cannot be suppressed. For example, when your stomach is rumbling, the most correct way is to pretend that nothing is happening. If the rumbling is very violent and prolonged, then stand quietly and casually apologize. If there is a sudden attack of yawning, you should try to suppress it, and if this fails, then at least cover your mouth with your hand and try to yawn silently. You can’t use a toothpick, put on powder, much less comb your hair at the table: well-mannered people won’t say anything to you, but next time they may not invite you along.
When talking, shouting and loud laughter are acceptable only in certain situations. In a small group of friends, where shouting and “going crazy” is considered normal, there is nothing wrong with such behavior, but if you are sitting on public transport, then you should not talk or laugh loudly.
How to behave when visiting
A person who is considered well-mannered feels and behaves at home when visiting. And this means that he behaves culturally both there and there. When going on a visit, take with you a small box of sweets for tea. But be careful: you should not buy a large box of chocolates when going to visit unfamiliar people, so as not to put the owners in an awkward position. If while visiting you notice that the hosts are already tired of the noisy party, then it’s time to politely say goodbye and go home.
Try to be quieter if you know that the owners have gone to put small children to bed, and if it is already 23.00, then you should no longer play the guitar and sing, so as not to cause inconvenience to other residents of the apartment building.
In a word, communication with a well-mannered person leaves only pleasant impressions, and his acquaintances often see his behavior as a role model.
Selecting the site language
Afrikaans Albanian Amharic Arabic Armenian Azerbaijani Basque Belarusian Bengali Bosnian Bulgarian Catalan Cebuano Chichewa Chinese (Simplified) Chinese (Traditional) Corsican Croatian Czech Danish Dutch English Esperanto Estonian Filipino Finnish French Frisian Galician Georgian German Greek Gujarati Haitian Creole Hausa Hawaiian Hebrew Hindi Hmong Hungarian Icelandic Igbo Indonesian Irish Italian Japanese Javanese Kannada Kazakh Khmer Korean Kurdish (Kurmanji) Kyrgyz Lao Latin Latvian Lithuanian Luxembourgish Macedonian Malagasy Malay Malayalam Maltese Maori Marathi Mongolian Myanmar (Burmese) Nepali Norwegian Pashto Persian Polish Portuguese Punjabi Romanian Russian Samoan Scottish Gaelic Serbian Sesotho Shona Sindhi Sinhala Slovak Slovenian Somali Spanish Sudanese Swahili Swedish Tajik Tamil Thai Turkish Ukrainian Urdu Uzbek Vietnamese Welsh Xhosa Yiddish
Correct communication
To begin with, you should not speak too loudly and use rude expressions, because your goal is not to outshout your opponent. If you have a dispute with someone, you should rely entirely on the logic and reasoning of your own position. A well-mannered person is a person who is able to assert himself through calm confidence in his own arguments, and not through emotional pressure on a competitor. Gestures should be calm and smooth; you should not make excessively sudden movements; they usually do not leave the most pleasant impression.
In fact, the people around you want to tune in to a wave of peace and harmony; deep down they will not forgive you if you want to disturb this state. In addition to the fact that you should not interfere with the peaceful life of others, you should also think about yourself. Keep track of your wardrobe. It is not necessary to dress in the latest fashion in the latest items from the most expensive brands, but a well-mannered person should at least control the cleanliness and neatness of his own clothes. There is nothing difficult about putting on only clean clothes, ironing them before putting them on, and cleaning your shoes.
The goals of education - is it necessary for society or the individual?
Now we understand what education is, but why should we educate children? What is the point of this event? At the moment, there are two concepts of the purpose of education.
The pragmatic concept (by the way, followed by the United States) assumes that the purpose of education is survival.
That is, society must educate socially effective, responsible and law-abiding citizens so that they can successfully get along with each other and think together about how to live further. Maybe that's why Americans are so calm, smiling and friendly?
The second concept is humanistic, which “sees” as its goal the organization of such conditions that will help the individual develop talents and express his “I”.
Some pundits quite seriously said that education itself in the form that currently exists is meaningless and needs to be abolished in order to give a person the opportunity to develop naturally, without interfering with his true nature.
The first concept prioritizes the interests of society (in the USA, these are the interests of capitalists who receive an obedient herd), the second - the individual. Which one is more effective and correct is unknown. At least this question is still raised in the scientific community.
Able to show patience
A well-mannered person knows well that patience is a virtue. He is not trying to get everything right now. He knows how true the saying is, “through your patience save your souls.” Adults who have not been taught this by their parents may behave worse in public than a well-behaved three-year-old child. Say, when they have to wait in line at the store. So they try to get ahead without waiting for their time to come.
The Importance of Self-Control
Life does not always flow according to the scenario that we draw in our imagination. Sometimes it drives us into a dead end, causes stress, forces us to leave our comfort zone, but even then we should not lose composure, attributing everything to circumstances.
What kind of person is called well-mannered? Perhaps the one who, having stepped on a cat in a dark corridor, calls it a cat. That is, good manners should not be a mask for you, with the help of which you try to gain the trust of others. They should become the norm, a habit, the only acceptable way of communication.
Even if you didn’t share something with someone, your opinions differed from someone else’s in a dialogue, you are faced with a complete reluctance to take your arguments into account, you should not lose control. In such situations, the best advisor is the voice of reason, as well as previously learned ethical standards, which will help not lead the situation into an even greater dead end.
The rules of a well-mannered person exclude the manifestation of hostility towards other people. You can say that you have a different point of view, but under no circumstances should you make it personal. It is enough to conclude that you are not on the same path and go your separate ways without going into further details.
