Speaking well is simply thinking out loud well. Joseph Ernest Renan
Communication with strangers is always associated with the fear of seeming stupid: saying something wrong, doing something wrong and thereby spoiling your impression of yourself. This anxiety is normal, because you will not have a second chance to make a good impression, which is why it is so important not to look stupid in the conversation with which you open your acquaintance.
The obsessive and unreasonable fear of looking stupid is called social phobia. This is a serious psychological problem that has nothing to do with natural anxiety in stressful situations.
You should understand that anyone can say or do something stupid; you don’t have to be a stupid person to do this. This is not yet a characteristic and, moreover, not a diagnosis. Often people speak out of place, out of place, get confused, or say something they don’t want to say due to confusion, anxiety, and overzealousness. Constant self-control leads to the fact that a person spends all his attention on himself in an attempt not to seem stupid in communication, and because of this he is completely disconnected from the real conversation.
Appearance
Pay attention to your appearance.
It largely determines how people perceive you. Look at yourself with a critical eye. Determine whether your hairstyle and makeup suits you, whether it matches your age, general style, and whether it meets fashion trends. Think about how appropriate it is for you to wear makeup and comb your hair for certain occasions. Evaluate your wardrobe. It should contain only those things that suit you and in which you feel confident. There is simply no need for other things. Make sure that the items of clothing in your outfit match each other and are not from collections ten years ago. Otherwise you will look funny and out of date.
What is necessary for wisdom?
In fact, to begin your journey to the heights of wisdom, you should admit your stupidity. We are used to calling people stupid only because their motives for their actions are incomprehensible to us. To evaluate, we need to process the information that we are able to perceive. It is enough for a stupid person to receive a little information, and he will be confident in his conclusions and rightness.
No one wants to admit that they are stupid, so they will furiously prove to others that they are right. A smart person always leaves room for doubt.
Basing your behavior on far from complete data about the nature of the situation is a common property of the human mind. We assimilate and perceive only part of the information, but we are able to grasp the connection between events and objects, highlighting significant and insignificant details and features. Fools do the same, but they do not learn from the past, or they extract small, insignificant experience.
Fools are free from doubt.
I will paraphrase one statement: “conviction is the last thing for which I am ready to give my life, because I may be mistaken.” In a situation with fools, education does not enlighten, but aggravates, becoming the foundation of self-confidence, the shield and sword of stupidity. On the other hand, ignorance can be considered gunpowder for stupidity.
Rules of conduct and communication
How others perceive you also largely depends on your behavior. The main rule here, as in the external image, is appropriateness. To look like an adequate girl, adhere to social norms of behavior. It is not customary to talk loudly in public places, at a party there is no need to be sad in the corner, at work you should be serious, and so on.
Think before you say anything. Otherwise, your words may sound stupid. In addition, others may misunderstand you, especially if you express yourself in a rather ambiguous way. If you don’t understand anything about the subject of the conversation, it’s better to say so directly and admit your own ignorance, or remain completely silent. Your off-topic reasoning will create the image of a real fool.
Choose your conversation topics carefully. If you see that the conversation is taking an unpleasant turn for the person, change the subject. Think about the appropriateness of the questions you ask people. You shouldn’t familiarly pry into their souls—only stupid people do that.
Watch your facial expression. Let it be meaningful. Practice your facial expressions in front of a mirror. Sometimes a girl thinks that she is rolling her eyes a little in thought, but in reality she looks like she is bored with herself, and at the same time there is not a single thought in her head.
Control the expression of your own emotions. A self-respecting woman will not throw a tantrum in public, arrange scenes of jealousy with her partner, be capricious and demonstrate her immaturity. Believe me, such concerts are remembered for a long time and work against your image.
How to stop thinking you're stupid
Analyze data
Try to find evidence that you are stupid and refutations of this. Psychologist Anna Erkina advises avoiding the formulations “I think” and “It seems to me.” You need facts.
For example, your team lost in a bar quiz and your self-esteem is shaken. But if you think about it, you can remember that third place out of 52 teams is not so bad. Yes, and you got overwhelmed with questions like “Guess how many times the phrase Ya-ya-ya coco jambo was heard in the song Coco Jambo.” So there's nothing to worry about.
Find an alternative explanation
Most likely, the situation is not worth labeling yourself a fool at all. Surely there is another interpretation. Let's look at three examples of circumstances from the beginning of the text:
- I don't understand nuclear physics, I'm stupid. → I don't understand nuclear physics.
- I know the difference between Bebel and Hegel, what a dumbass I am. → It was awkward. Confused about who it doesn't happen to.
- They definitely won’t hire me for this position because I’m stupid. → The list of responsibilities is long. I can handle half of them well. Another quarter is familiar to me. I haven't had to deal with the rest yet.
It doesn't sound so radical, and therefore not so destructive.
Development
Calmness, wisdom, rationality, poise, restraint, a good sense of humor, self-confidence and insight will allow you not to look like a fool in the eyes of other people. Develop yourself, learn something new, master complex terms, the use of which can demonstrate your intelligence. Just before doing this, make sure that you understand how they should sound in context, otherwise you will get the opposite effect to the desired one.
Read more. This develops thinking, imagination, and the ability to construct phrases in oral and written speech. Watch serious, extraordinary films that you can discuss later, attend worthwhile events. Be a well-rounded person, then it will be interesting to be with you.
Causes of stupidity
This happens because a very large number of people stop working on their development after studying at a university, and many even while studying at a university.
School
While we are studying at school, we are undergoing very strong development, that is, one way or another, we still learn the subject. Our brains are working, even figuring out how to make a cheat sheet for ourselves or how to pass an exam without having to study for it - this is very strong brain activity, plus we go to some sections. In general, people have the strongest brain activity during this stage.
University
Well, we studied at school, many go to college, not all of course, but many go to study at a university. There is also brain activity there, which is basically similar, because There are also exams, tests, you also need to study, you need to prepare. In general, there is also brain activity here, you are still your own person, but at least a little, you are engaged and even if you are not engaged, your brain is active.
Job.
Then the most interesting thing happens. Either in the middle of studying at a university, when everything is already as if it had been established and nothing new happens in terms of brain activity, or after studying at a university there is a sharp decline. Because a person finds a job, goes to work, there is little brain activity in the first days, because there he needs to settle in, understand how to work. But then the brain activity doesn’t move at all, because nothing happens, at work everything is the same, you do everything the same, you come home and watch the same TV, you watch the same thing on the Internet, nothing occurs from the point of view of self-development. This is the main reason.
And if you approach a person and ask what he did after studying at the institute, then 95% of the time they will tell you that he worked. He didn’t take any courses or any trainings, he just worked, and at that time his brain became stiff. While he was at school, he was active, considered different opinions and thoughts, even reading books, but then only work and the same type of days. It’s not interesting to talk to such people, because... they are missing out on a lot.
While you are young, while you are learning and developing, new neural channels, new neural networks are formed in your brain, you have new movement there, but when you constantly do the same thing, this movement does not occur and, accordingly, the brain weanes itself from developing these neural networks. channels and connections.
Interpersonal conflicts
Another reason why a person may consider himself narrow-minded is a feeling of resentment. It usually prevents us from adequately perceiving the surrounding reality. When some need in life is not satisfied, the individual develops internal deprivation. Sometimes a person does not understand what is happening to him because he has developed the habit of considering himself incapable of understanding the most ordinary things.
Existing conflicts with people often interfere with building normal harmonious relationships. Emotions such as fear, anger, and resentment largely inhibit personal development and prevent the emergence of a feeling of satisfaction. A person always needs to feel needed and involved in the lives of other people.
Lack of self-confidence
Only by fully realizing one's own prospects can a person move forward. Everyone has opportunities, but not everyone understands how to apply the knowledge they have in life. Lack of self-confidence actually blocks many undertakings and does not allow the personality to reveal itself. Thus, self-realization becomes impossible, since it is hampered by the strong fear of potential defeat that arises.
Each failure is experienced very hard, as if the happiness of a particular individual depends on it. “Why am I so stupid?” - a person constantly asks himself, asking himself numerous other questions about his inferiority. In most cases, he spends a long time looking for an opportunity to remake himself. This is because there is a fear of loneliness inside, coupled with the fear of not being up to par.
Stupidity or not stupidity?
In conclusion, I want to recall another real story that I was lucky enough to witness. A woman with a very young and lively voice asked for a meeting on the phone because she was experiencing certain life difficulties. When we met, I was very surprised, because she was a woman of near-retirement age, but she looked amazingly lively, she was beaming all over, like someone in love. It turned out that after 19 years of not the most successful marriage, of which for the last 10 years she did not live with her husband, but remained married, when she had already buried herself as a woman many years ago, she suddenly met a man of her own age. Based on her description, he also seems to have romantic feelings for her. He is from another city, and she had a lot of doubts and fears about their possible continuation of the relationship. They both did not dare to admit their feelings, both were in doubt. The woman then said: “I'm afraid! What will people think, what will they say? How can I say something myself?” I asked her, “Do you seem to be happy with this man?” She replied: “Yes!” Then I couldn’t find anything better than to add: “You know, with all due respect to your age and how it suits you now, you have lived enough to now have the right to do stupid things!”
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Psychological trauma
A traumatic situation is one of the most serious reasons that can undermine confidence in one’s own capabilities for a long time. It is very difficult for a person who is convinced of his impenetrable stupidity to begin to perceive himself in exactly the opposite way.
Psychological trauma and internal conflicts are a serious obstacle to feeling like a full-fledged person. The feeling of happiness depends on many factors, and it is always subjective.
When there is a conviction within that you cannot master the most basic skills, this creates an obstacle to the formation of a happy sense of self. It really seems to a person that he is not capable of anything. Such thoughts are destructive: they do not help in any way to cultivate self-confidence, but only convince a person of complete failure.
How not to look like an idiot: what science says
Why do we make mistakes when we want to make a good impression on people? In the vast scientific literature devoted to the intricacies of self-presentation, the most popular theory to answer this question suggests that such failures occur due to a loss of control. We lash out at someone, let our voice waver, or allow our less-than-lovable side to surface. According to this theory, we know how we should behave, but we fail to achieve our goals due to distracted attention and poor self-control.
But a new study published in the journal Social and Personality Psychology Compass finds that people often make bad impressions not because they lack self-control, but because they adopt ineffective self-presentation tactics. Janina Steinmetz from Utrecht University and her colleagues analyze several of these tactics that many people think help to make an impression, but in reality are quite flawed. This study is a helpful guide on how to avoid sounding like a jerk when communicating.
First, refrain from backhanded compliments. For example, saying “you're pretty smart for an intern” may seem like a well-thought-out maneuver designed to evoke admiration—to impress the other person while also reminding them of their place in the corporate hierarchy. But this happens extremely rarely, since we quickly understand that the essence of such compliments is humiliation. Moreover, the calculation of such a statement shows how much you care about your position - and this, on the contrary, can actually lower your status.
Secondly, there is no need to engage in self-PR under the guise of modesty. Phrases like “Paris, Milan and Tel Aviv - in just four days? I need to slow down somehow...” are perceived as manipulation and hypocrisy, whether uttered on Twitter or over a glass of wine.
Third, Steinmetz and her colleagues also consider hypocrisy; This, of course, is more a result than a well-thought-out tactic. But some people are more likely to engage in hypocritical behavior—judging someone else's behavior or attitude in an attempt to score extra points, even if they themselves are guilty of the same behavior. Sometimes this brings results, but if you are caught in hypocrisy, the negative effect will be much stronger.
Fourth, arrogance is often a problem. Research shows that we really dislike people who put themselves above others. The phrase “I'm better at this than others” seems more dismissive than phrases like “I'm good at this” or “I'm better at this than before.” These kinds of comparisons are perceived with hostility, and even if they are not addressed to the interlocutor, he is inclined to regard them as a hint of his lack of abilities.
Perhaps in a social media-driven world where people benefit from appearing more important than they actually are, tactics like these could do some good by creating a controversial but memorable image. Of course, many modern media figures use self-promotion and bragging for personal gain. And it is quite possible that Donald Trump stormed into the White House using precisely these methods. But science says this behavior has a negative impact on personal relationships and actual day-to-day interactions.
The authors point out other factors that lead to poor impressions, such as excessive shyness, which makes communication difficult. But what's interesting about the four tactics described above is that many people choose them of their own free will—especially when we don't notice what we look like from the outside—so this can get to the root of the problem. After all, a story about an event that makes you proud and embarrassed at the same time can be perceived as boasting under the guise of modesty, or as just a funny incident, depending on the context of the conversation and the mood of the interlocutor. But the good thing is this: each of us can learn to see a situation from the point of view of another person.
If you know someone who is prone to using the tactics mentioned here, then it is likely that this person has elevated levels of narcissism. Such people tend to love comparing themselves to others, using backhanded compliments, and talking arrogantly. They perceive these tactics as an opportunity to prevent others from advancing and to protect their own status. They also tend to manipulate people and are more willing to take risks, believing that their boasting and hypocritical behavior will not be detected. And finally, such people rarely look at the situation through the eyes of another person, which further complicates the whole matter.
Whether you suffer from narcissism or not, it is best to get rid of these tactics as soon as possible, as they create a vicious cycle. If you use them, people want to be around you less and less, but it is the people closest to you who are able to sincerely tell you at the right time: “Stop bragging already.” And if you don’t have close friends, then only acquaintances remain, ready to smile at you in public and roll their eyes when you close the door behind you. And the worst thing is that you have no idea about their impressions.
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How to get rid of your own stupidity
There is great human stupidity when one treats certain authorities with reverence and does not dare to violate even the letter in the definition of a concept.
It is unlikely that stupidity can be called an immanent quality of the psyche in individuals. With a strong emotional shock, in a difficult, responsible situation, almost everyone loses the ability to think, react adequately and intelligently to what is happening.
A responsible situation so captures the human soul, which lives in the limbic system of the brain, that there is absolutely no room left for reflection, for thinking and analyzing what is happening.
But it’s stupid, stupid, to destroy your emotional response to what’s happening, because you’ll not only destroy your moral foundations, but you’ll also be close to schizophrenia. Emotions are necessary to stimulate the hormonal activity of the hypothalamus; without hormones, good brain function is impossible.
Uncontrolled emotions interfere with mental activity and cause stupidity! Controlled emotions, on the contrary, strengthen thoughts and reveal all the possibilities of the mind. It is necessary to learn to manage emotions, to train the psyche to react to any life situations.
There is great human stupidity when one treats certain authorities with reverence and does not dare to violate even the letter in the definition of a concept. Although, even in mathematics the concept is given different definitions. For example, an isosceles triangle is a triangle with two equal sides - one definition, a triangle with two equal angles - another definition. Operating with different definitions allows you to quickly and accurately establish all the properties of the subject being studied.
» >observed the concept in certain objects and phenomena. This concept can be extended to other objects and phenomena, if you are not afraid to improvise the definition of the concept and take responsibility for the statement.
» >a person is afraid to appear stupid in front of society, taking responsibility for speaking out, afraid to criticize authorities. But those who unquestioningly cling to scientific or spiritual authorities are even more stupid; they are real sheep.
Source
Poor learning ability
If a person has difficulty remembering any material, it is likely that he has a low memory capacity. At the same time, concentration will certainly suffer. Poor performance at school and subsequent educational institutions usually creates a significant degree of self-doubt. And many young people ask: “What should I do if I’m stupid academically?” They consider it completely useless to learn something new and apply the acquired knowledge in practice. Extreme self-doubt gives rise to additional problems associated with communication and self-realization.
It becomes difficult for a person to concentrate on the task at hand. When thinking about the question “What should I do if I’m stupid and lazy,” you should be guided by an individual approach. Each person is unique and has distinctive characteristics.
Taking responsibility
This is an important and necessary step in order to continue moving forward when your hands give up. Accepting responsibility means you need to stop complaining about life.
When we stop blaming others for what happens in our lives, visible changes begin. You must try to ensure that your self-confidence grows and strengthens every day. If this is not done, then the person will constantly feel his complete failure in anything and will not be able to start a new business without feeling guilty.
The feeling of one’s own stupidity is a purely subjective feeling that you need to try to work with. You cannot get rid of the problem once and for all, because there is no magic pill, but you can work on yourself and change for the better.
Working with self-esteem
Stop calling yourself stupid! It is very important to free yourself from the feeling of internal discomfort if you really want to start feeling differently.
There is no need to constantly torment yourself trying to cope with the existing problem. When a person calls himself stupid, he thereby admits his own weakness. Most likely, other people will begin to perceive it accordingly. However, it is worth remembering that a narrow-minded person will never think about his own shortcomings.
Developed reflection just means that a person is smart enough. It's just that some people don't know how to value themselves and find their strengths. You need to learn this! Working with self-esteem begins with accepting your individuality. It is impossible to achieve anything significant if you do not try for it.
Constant self-education
What if I'm stupid? This question usually comes to mind for those who suffer from low self-esteem. And to feel confident, you actually need to make significant efforts. The best thing to do would be to start educating yourself. Systematic exercises increase self-confidence and help release huge amounts of energy that can be used for useful purposes.
Self-education undoubtedly increases self-confidence. Thus, a person ceases to consider himself stupid and narrow-minded. Sometimes it will take a lot of effort to free yourself from the inner feeling of inferiority.
I'm a sound guy. And I'm normal
The most incomprehensible thing about this world is that it is comprehensible.
Albert Einstein
When I found an article about sound vector, I recognized myself in the descriptions. I understood what was happening to me and why, where this white noise in my head came from. It turns out there is an explanation for everything. I'm a sound guy. And I'm normal.
Sounds
The peculiarity of the psyche of sound artists is that our hearing organ is especially sensitive. What does it mean?
It is through our ears that we perceive the outside world especially sensitively: the noise of the city, people talking, music, bells for recess, the rustle of rain and gusts of wind.
I remember a period when at night I would flinch from the harsh voice of my mother, who would explode at my father. She would burst into my room, turn on the light, not paying attention to the fact that I was already asleep, and try to make me the judge in their dispute. Such jerkings were repeated frequently, and I noticed that I began to have incredible difficulty falling asleep, and the sleep itself was very light.
The “from 23:00 to 7:00” mode did not help. I couldn't sleep if I even heard the TV running in my parents' room or if one of them walked from the room to the kitchen and back. I easily woke up from the loud conversations of neighbors behind the wall or from the cat’s breathing when she came to sleep on my pillow. I needed sterile silence to fall asleep.
Meanings
Sound specialists are people who are especially sensitive to the meaning of words. Even if they don’t shout at us, it is enough for us to simply understand what exactly a person means by the words “fool”, “idiot”, “you are nobody” for it to cause us pain. We automatically begin to perceive the endless chatter of our peers about parties and gadgets as unnecessary noise.
When the outside world constantly attacks us with insults and meaningless noise, we begin to withdraw into ourselves in search of answers to the main questions: who am I and why do I exist. Then headphones with loud music and computer games become an armored wall behind which we can take a break from the attack of the outside world. We are looking for the answer within ourselves:
I realized that life outside for me is filled with pain. The inability to concentrate and perceive information is a defensive reaction of my psyche to a frantic stream of painful sounds and meanings. On the one hand, there are loud arguments between parents and classmates, on the other, the loss of oneself and the meaning of life.
My classmates also didn’t know what they wanted. But at least they were satisfied with the thought of law school or pedagogy, and that if something happened, their parents would place them through their friends. But for my future it always seemed not enough to just go to work. It’s not clear - why? Just get money to stupidly feed your family? What's the point of this?
