According to some experts, stress plays a much larger role in a person's life than is commonly believed. Obviously, stress is a negative phenomenon that prevents us from enjoying life, doing our work and generally makes us suffer. But, according to a number of studies, many people become dependent on negative feelings and can no longer live without them - like without cigarettes, the need for sweets, or, in the worst scenarios, without alcohol or drugs. We decided to look into this issue and tell you why you like to suffer so much and how to recover from this addiction.
Looking for a dose of hormones
Our psychology is designed in such a way that often troubles and suffering can cause us positive emotions, against the backdrop of which addiction arises. This is connected not only with the psyche, so you shouldn’t look for deviations in yourself, but you shouldn’t exclude a physiological factor. The thing is that stress is a biological process that the body needs in order to survive difficult situations. Hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol begin to be actively released and fight the attacks of the outside world. Thanks to them, we can cope with anxiety before an important event, and also achieve success if we have a high goal. The presence of these substances in the blood activates muscle and brain activity, which is not associated with feelings, but directly works to make troubles allies of the body and psyche.
This state can be compared to being in the euphoria that any other addictive substance brings. Cigarettes, drugs, alcohol - all this works in the same way as stress to make muscles contract. But unlike drugs or other physical addictions, the effects of stress and the effects of adrenaline and cortisol continue to affect us for much longer. Instead of simply calming down, we continue to feel tired, irritable and tense as chronic stress causes hormones to continue to be released. The next stage of such an attraction is quite expected: problems with hair, skin, weight, heart and digestive system. In other words, we need our own hormones, but since it is impossible to promote their release, we seek out stressful situations, subconsciously or not. Psychologist and author of Stress Addiction Debbie Mandel says:
You begin to need to constantly deal with stress, like a drug addict. To cope with everyday challenges like deadlines or work boredom, you continue to look for sources of adrenaline, completely unaware that your body has not yet recovered from the previous “dose”. This also includes the phenomenon of “workaholism,” which forces people to constantly burden themselves with a large number of stressful situations in order to get another shake-up of hormones.
Pleasure and sublimation
But it’s not only hormones that force us to step on the same rake. The fact that society tends to discuss problems with each other and strive for a more active lifestyle causes us to experience stress, so often that we begin to believe that this is where our happiness lies. To the question “How are you?” You will often hear responses such as “I'm very busy”, “I've had a crazy day”, “I'm going crazy with my job” and so on. Thus, the degree of busyness becomes an indicator of success and self-importance, and the constant use of devices only enhances such an “active” life, preventing you from relaxing and taking a break from problems even during your lunch break or after work. It seems crazy to say no to things like this: “What if I miss something?”, “This is a good opportunity,” “I need to be in touch,” “I feel good, I’m so happy. We need to check if anyone has written.” Stress! We need him like air. Spin constantly, like a squirrel in a wheel, just so as not to experience this withdrawal from free time.
Well, the cherry on the cake is, of course, money, the constant need for which forces us to work above the norm established by the body.
The fear of working with ourselves on a deeper and more complex level than everyday problems makes us avoid free time. Constantly working, organizing meetings and getting things done are not only ingredients for success, but also a great excuse for not dealing with yourself.
In 2014, scientists conducted an experiment in which participants were asked to spend time alone. As a result, most of the participants experienced unpleasant feelings due to the fact that they had to be left alone with their thoughts for more than 6-15 minutes.
If we move fast enough, then we will not have time to think, understand, and most importantly, admit that there is something in our life that no longer suits us. Many of the dissatisfactions reach a level too complex to simply resolve, so we resort to such sublimation, hiding behind an endless stream of responsibilities and tasks. In the same way, drug addicts or alcoholics hide their problems in their addiction. But this is an escape from happiness.
The right to grief and joy
Human nature is such that it requires the manifestation of the entire palette of emotions - then we can talk about a healthy psyche.
Life is varied, there is a lot of joy in it, we just forgot about it, and joy cannot be understood without grief.
Grief requires a reason, but suffering does not. Suffering turns the palette of emotions into gray, nondescript, dull chewing gum, so joy is also not experienced, it merges with the grayness of suffering. Grief demands its payment only once.
There are not so many reasons for grief, and the hardest is the death of loved ones; everything else is fixable. It takes time to get over this grief.
All religions of the world have rituals designed to help a person survive the death of a loved one and accept it. Therefore, if you are a believer, contact a priest and perform the necessary rituals. If you’re not a believer, do it anyway. This is a sign of respect for both the deceased and the living.
But in order to move on in life and not fall into suffering and self-pity, consult a psychologist.
The rest can be fixed
Everything else is fixable, but sometimes it seems like you are in a hopeless situation. This is not so, there is a way out and you know it, but you don’t like it. If the situation seems so difficult that it is impossible to bear, surrender to it: cry out loud, scream, growl, swear, hit a pillow or punching bag - let it go through aggression that is safe for others - usually 15-20 minutes is enough (it’s better to survive the pain now, rather than trying to drown it out and squeeze it out drop by drop).
Then powerlessness will come, and then enlightenment in the brain. As a result, a search and enumeration of options for solving the current situation begins, and there is no shame in asking for help.
Just don’t fall into despondency, whining and whining - they are followed by dullness, indifference and depression. Getting out of a depressive binge is difficult and time-consuming. Life will pass, you won’t catch up with it and won’t bring it back... Only regrets and dissatisfaction will remain.
The conclusion is this - allow yourself the right to express mental pain and distinguish it from whining for any reason.
How to stop suffering and become happier?
Habituation to stress arises from many unresolved problems within ourselves. But while we are hiding behind a whole host of important matters, our body desperately needs rest, receiving only a new charge of hormones from us. No matter how strange it may sound, the panacea for such a destructive lifestyle is very simple - rest. If this seems funny to you, then pay attention to exactly how you spend your days. Behind the popularity of a healthy lifestyle are not only trends and seductive photos on Instagram, but also common sense - when you are tired, you need to rest; If you are confused, you need to figure it out and not try to get distracted by work. If everything was as simple as it sounds, then everyone would walk around healthy and happy, but relaxation is just as difficult to bring into your life as it is to give up bad habits. Here are some tips on what you can do:
Why do so many of us love to suffer so much?
“A person simply cannot suffer longer than he can suffer: having exhausted our capabilities, we voluntarily or unwittingly switch to other things, and this is the greatest of blessings!” (Max Fry).
How to stop suffering
It seems that any person would like to live only in happiness and joy and never experience the bitterness of loss and mental anguish. But, oddly enough, this does not always happen! Many people like to suffer and suffer. Why is this happening?
Usually, the cause of suffering is a strong internal conflict or failure to justify human desires and hopes. As a result, a lot of unpleasant and uncomfortable feelings arise: anger, resentment, disappointment.
All these negative emotions have a negative impact on the human psyche, sometimes knocking people out of their normal life path for a long period of time. But sooner or later this emotionally depressing state passes.
But there are also people who like pain, they are ready to remain in constant suffering. This is, of course, hard to believe, but it is true. For them, pain and moral suffering are normal and even desirable.
A person who loves pain acts as a victim in all life situations and is always ready to find the culprit of his problems and failures. These people are pathologically afraid to take responsibility for everything that happens in their lives. If you find similarities with yourself and this human psychotype, then I advise you to take all possible measures to get out of this dangerous state for yourself.)))
How to get out of the victim state?
How to get out of the victim state
First, it is very important to decide once and for all that you no longer want to suffer and suffer. You should want this sincerely and with all your soul - only in this case will you be able to jump out of this viscous swamp of suffering into which you have lured yourself.
Start cultivating the belief that you deserve only a better and happier life. Thoughts have an amazing ability to materialize. Take the path of change, a conscious and happy life.
Secondly, try to accept all the circumstances that have arisen in your life as they are. They can no longer be changed. Concentrate on today and stop constantly returning to the past, which no person on Earth can change. But you can influence what will happen in your near future. Allow yourself not to silently look at what is happening in life, but to be an active participant in this important process.
When you gather your courage and begin to take the situation into your own hands, you will immediately get rid of the obsessive victim position. Then your perception of the world will change right before your eyes - you will begin to see in events not only negative, but also instructive lessons, the opportunity for your own realization and self-development.
If you feel that you need help and support in your situation, I will be glad to see you at the “Sacrament of Life” training. Your thoughts and feelings will change radically. There will be trust in yourself and the Universe as a whole, a special internal fullness and harmony, a sense of your own importance on the planet.
You will feel like you are part of something important and meaningful, the whole Universe. Suffering will be replaced by an adequate perception of the world around you, and you will understand that you can enjoy your own life, and not silently go with the flow.
With love Maria Shakti
Read further:
- How to effectively deal with resentment?
- What does it take to become a happy person?
- How to love yourself and truly increase your self-esteem?
- Complicated mother-daughter relationship. What can be fixed?
- How to become a happy woman?
- What is jealousy really?
Turn off gadgets at least in the evening
Try not to use gadgets in the evenings. At least in order not to get involved in working or reviewing everything that is in your news feed. Better turn on the series and just relax. Do not allow yourself to answer business letters or solve any other important matters after sunset - everything important will wait until the morning, and you need to restore your strength. If giving up your phone for the whole evening is even more stressful for you, then try giving yourself at least 20 minutes of complete absence from the virtual world.
Give up difficult friends
People who are commonly called “toxic” today are not a myth, but a very real scenario. What previously seemed to you as difficulties in communication, differences in character, may now be one of the reasons why you constantly experience stress. Such people have the peculiarity of attracting us, since subconsciously we strive to defeat them, correct them, or at least overcome the difficulties that fate has thrown up.
But if you look at it rationally, an evening that you can spend at home, in peace and quiet, is much more productive than communicating with a person who can throw off your balance. Such friends should be replaced with people who can support you if your reality has cracked, who will always listen and give an adequate assessment of what is happening, and will not become a catalyst for another nervous breakdown.
Psychology of masochism
What do you call people who love pain? Psychologists call them masochists. Typically, when people hear masochism mentioned, they think it's about sex. However, sadomasochistic relationships arise not only in intimate relationships where handcuffs, whips, or even piercing objects are used. Masochism is expressed not only in causing physical pain, but also psychological. One can even say that a person becomes a masochist first in the soul, and only then is drawn to physical pain.
Psychologists view masochism as an all-consuming state. A person is not capable of loving only physical pain, excluding psychological pain. When a person receives pleasure, if he is morally humiliated, then he may like physical pain. It is impossible to become a moral and spiritual masochist without wanting to experience pain on a physical level.
Exercise
Sport is the best way to combat stress, as regular muscle exercise relieves tension and keeps you in good shape. This is also a great way to throw out aggression and call on endorphins to help, which will show stress hormones who is boss. But if you are in an extremely stressful state, then psychologists advise staying indoors, since focusing on your mood can cause an accident, like an accident while you decided to go for a run and completely forgot that there are cars driving around you.
